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WHY JAPAN?…

The professor in psychology felt so guilty 
for looking exactly like Woody Allen that he 
immediately needed therapy for himself. He went to 
his ex-student for this. He's still there. 
The old ladies living in the same building 
all agreed that the psychologist young lady should 
have got married first... So they demanded that the 
building administrator double her maintenance 
fees. 
        Meanwhile the young psychologist lady was 
concerned about her telephone bill. The professor 
could not be stopped ordering flowers by phone all 
the time. He was sending the flowers with his 
excuses to that innocent human being who was lying 
with a gypsum on her leg because of his look. He 
also felt so ashamed that he was sending them 
anonymously.
        The innocent human being was in bed, with 
her broken leg on four pillows. She felt very 
happy. She thought that the flowers were from her 
lover in Hong Kong who couldn't get in touch with 
her otherwise. "Oh, darling, you didn't forget that 
I love the white roses so much…" she was saying, 
kissing the roses one by one.
        She also heard from a neighbour about an old 
superstition. Whoever fell down in January was 
supposed to get married that year. Considering her 
serious fracture, the neighbour congratulated her 
upon the great match she was supposed to make.
        Meanwhile the country was shaken violently 
by the terrifying miners' syndic movement. 
Ministers were demotted and replaced one after 
another. 
        Her diary was more and more optimistic. Her 
cold completely passed. 
        The President was almost on the point of 
declaring the state of emergency when she felt she 
couldn't bear the situation any longer.
She thought it was the time to open her e-mail, 
to answer her boy-friend's proofs of love. 
So she found no better way to express her feelings 
than sending him her whole updated diary. It 
contained about 248 new pages. She clicked "send" 
and went to sleep very happy.
        A whole battalion of the military police 
force were taken hostage. Not even the retreat of 
the most important Western investors from Romania 
could convince the miners to let the soldiers 
go.
        She was just looking for her lover in a 
stable, among the horses of the military police 
force when someone rang at the door. She got down 
the bed, took her crutch and slowly moved towards 
the door, asking herself what the financial world 
had to do with the horses of the military police.
        Her neighbour was at the door asking  
to borrow $10. The neighbour had kept doing that 
since she had turned back from Japan. She looked so 
confused that the neighbour got really concerned. 
She was not an expert in financial problems but she 
was still the best in the district in making 
predictions, especially in decoding dreams.
        "How did you say the horses looked like?"
        "Black… No!… brown."
        "Girl, you must decide, this is a very 
serious matter!"
        "Almost black."
        "Aha!… Saddled or unsaddled?"
        "Hmmm… Only one of them was saddled!"
        "Aha!… Married man!"
        "Married?!!"
        "Right. Harnessed…?"
        "Yes, yes!…"
        "Married for sure!"
        "Oh…"
        "I insist… Black?"
        "I told you!..."
        "TROUBLE FOLLOWED BY SOMETHING GOOD!"
        Well, of course trouble followed by 
something good! She had fallen in January and now 
she was supposed to get married!…
        She run as quickly as she could and started 
the computer. She had to check her e-mail. The 
folder she had created especially for her lover 
seemed to be full. Yet she couldn't open it for the 
moment. She just wanted to feel the taste of the 
unexpected a little bit more. He was announcing to
her that he and his wife had finally agreed to divorce!… 
        From the moment she would have heard the news, 
another chapter in her life would have started… but 
she just couldn't say good-bye to the current one… 
it all had been so poetic… so… romantic!…
        Finally she did it and found this:

        "I have just got back from my travels so I 
have not had a chance to contact you all these 
weeks.
        Please do not send any more INTERNET 
messages. INTERNET messages particularly large ones 
(file size) are often reviewed for content by a 
separate department in our Institution. As a rule 
the INTERNET should not be used for personal 
purposes only for business. 
        I have been asked about the large message 
you have sent to me the other day.
        I have agreed that I will not receive any 
more personal messages.
        I will call you to explain.
        Sorry about this but our rules are very 
strict on the use of the INTERNET.

                        K."

        She waited for his call all the rest of the 
day. She kept waiting for another couple of weeks.
        The roses kept filling her house so she 
didn't feel this waiting so hard. She only got a 
little bit allergic to the smell of the flowers but 
she didn't care.
        One day she decided to call her friend, the 
psychologist. She noticed how much she had to 
insist because the line was continuously busy. What 
the hell was happening?… Finally a man answered and 
passed her friend on the phone.
        "Oh, did your lover come from Paris? How 
that he learned Romanian so well in such a short 
time?"
        "Oh! Oh! You don't know what's been 
happening to me lately since… Somehow you put me 
into all this trouble…"
        "Trouble? Did you also dream about the 
horses of the military police force ?"
        "What horses?… What military force?… Oh, I 
think I have to come up to explain to you all 
this!… Professor, promise you'll be a good boy and 
order flowers only five times while I'm gone?… 
Thank you… All right, I'm on my way."
        The psychologist explained the whole 
situation to her. 
        She suddenly had the vision of heaven… like 
a huge wedding cake dropped down on her head by a 
stupid waiter. 
        "What do you mean?" she could hardly ask.
        "That the professor sent you the flowers 
not… Oh! I warned you…"
        "So do you think there must be someone else 
also eager to see my lover divorced and marry him… 
in Hong Kong?"
        "It seems the man is quite a match, isn't 
he?…"
        Suddenly the cold turned back to her chest 
and she began to shiver and cough. 
        "In fact his last message was… COLD!… I 
thought it was just for convenience, because he was 
using the e-mail of the Institution… Oh! Oh!…"
        "Come on, don't cry!… What do you mean he's 
using the e-mail of the Institution? Doesn't he 
have one of his own?"
        "Oh, he's like a baby when coming to 
technics and electronics. He hardly knows how to 
use his own phone…"
        "No wonder you are both matched so well…"
        "Please, don't use The Past Tense when 
speaking about our relationship!… Maybe you'd 
better look at his message and tell me what you 
think… if I still have some hope… O-oh-oh-oh-oh-
oh…"
        The psychologist read the message once and 
stated:
        "THIS MAN HAS NO PRIVATE LIFE AT ALL!!!"
        "But he seemed to be such a free human being 
with me!… He also said he didn't take his job very 
seriously!"
        "He was just dreaming. Do you think a man in 
his position can afford to make mistakes?"
        "But if he gets involved with one of the 
women he's working with, isn't that a mistake too?"
        "That's business!"
        "Oh! Now I understand why that man he knew 
and saw us together on our first night, whispered 
that question into my year."
        "Which question?'
        "Is he drunk?"
        "And was he?"
        "Nooo… he's never been drunk with me… he's 
been…HIMSELF!!… I KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!!!…"
        She took all the roses and threw them out of 
the window. Some gypsies were just passing by. They 
looked up and thanked God for such charity, grabbed 
all the flowers and started a very prosperous 
business selling them in front of The University. 
        "No! I feel it, it's been in my dreams, 
it's not only his wife!… I remember that once, or 
twice, or more, in reality, it seemed like all our 
phones, all our letters have been controlled by 
som… HIS SECRETARY?!!!…IS HE THAT KIND OF MAN!?…
        "Or maybe someone else… Someone on a similar 
position or more!…"
        "OH NO! NO! WHAT AM I TRYING TO DO?… ACCUSE 
SOMEONE ELSE OF MY OWN STUPIDITY?"
        "No, I don't think you're so stupid. All you 
have to do is to get an explanation from him?"
        "Shall I call him if he doesn't want me 
anymore!?… I can't do that! It's not me!"
        "What do you mean he doesn't want you 
anymore? Do you think anyone has the right to hurt 
your feelings just because someone, sometimes is in 
the mood to live a dream? THIS MAN USED YOU! You've 
been his toy!…SILLY IMATURE BASTARDS!…"
        "You're still mad with your boy-friend, 
aren't you?"
        "NO!… I lost even that right!… Would you 
fight someone who lies in his bed with flu for a 
month?…"
        "YES, IF HE CAUGHT IT FROM ANOTHER WOMAN!…"
        Meanwhile The Government agreed that the 
country should be run from under the ground, The 
Prime Minister agreed to bend in front of  the 
miners' leader and the battalion of the military 
police force was sent home. A quiet atmosphere 
installed over the general political background.


                        *


That night she slept like a rock on the 
bottom of sea, in spite of those 4 coffees she had 
drank with her friend.
        Her lover passed by and made love to her on 
a big arm-chair. He also promised to take her with 
him to Amsterdam (!?!)… with one condition, to go 
to a doctor and have her face changed!… Such 
insolence!… After he had made love to her!!!!… Then 
he hid himself behind a door to drink his beer 
quietly. A mad group of dark haired women was 
shouting at him. From time to time he opened 
another door, a back one and showed up only for 
her, repeating obsessively: "Darling, there's 
nothing I can do for you… Maybe you try to do 
something!" He was holding his suitcase very tight 
as if someone would have wanted to still it from 
him. Maybe it contained some more bottles of beer. 
She didn't check although her lover passed her the 
suitcase to hold, for security.
        She moved instantly to a modelling agency 
abroad, between tulips!… She was just explaining to 
her father what a great job opportunity she had 
found. She was still doubting if she was supposed 
to tell him the real reason for living his house… 
when those dark haired mad women attacked her with 
their long, Chinese, iron nails!… To take her 
suitcase!… Aaaaaaa! That was unbearable!… she hated 
false nails!…
        She grabbed a sword, God knows how that 
thing appeared so quickly on a chair near her but 
she remembered her fencing lessons from The Acting 
School and turned against those crazy bastards and 
hit them, hit them, hit them… until their nails 
and heads flew away!
        Than she made a telephone call and 
instantly, long white veils began to pour out from 
the monitor of her computer… almost to cover her. 
        So she fell down. She was trying to get up, 
breaking the veils one by one. She was just a step 
away from her computer which she wanted to turn 
off. She had to break one more veil for that. She 
finally did it and from behind that veil suddenly 
appeared HER LOVER!!!…. He was holding (of course!) 
a bottle of beer in his hand and appealed to her 
with that irresistible smile of his. He said: 
"Darling, won't you drink with me?". She drank. He 
was irresistible. Than they both disappeared behind 
the veils, into the computer, walking towards a 
shiny world. Two huge statues representing a couple 
broke the rocky surface of the Earth and came out 
to light. The statue representing the woman was 
holding a big bunch of pink roses in her arms. The 
statue of the man started to move and she 
recognised on the face of that statue, the smile of 
her lover. Now SHE WAS AWARE that the other statue 
was SHE!!! She also started to move, to embrace 
him. The pink roses fell down on the ground and 
covered the Earth.
        She woke up with the feeling that something 
was missing… Aha! Her dream missed a Wagner sound track.
        "Oh, my  God, I'll go crazy!"
        She was not aware of what she was doing 
so she took up the phone and called HIM!
        "Oh, darling, I'm so glad to hear you!… 
Glad, ah!?… Why didn't you call me for so 
long?…Travelling… Travelling??? With who?…Darling, 
I… DON'T DARLING ME!!!…But darling, this doesn't 
sound like you… It sounds like my wife!… Oh! It 
does?…I'm glad to hear that… It seems I still have 
a hope!…What do you mean?… To turn myself into a 
normal woman, WITH A NORMAL LIFE!!!…But darling, 
you'll loose your charm!… Right! So you choose! 
Enjoy my charm or enjoy collective hysteria for the 
rest of your life!… Darling, there are a lot of 
things that a man must take into consideration… 
Like what?… His duties!… Which duties?… Like… Do 
you want me to come over there to prove you it's 
not like that???… How can you be so sure!?… FROM MY 
DREAMS!…YOU KNOW MY DREAMS NEVER LIE!… I know all 
what you do!… And you still dare to come and make 
love to me!… and tell me to change my face!!!… At 
least you could have told me to cut my hair, IT'S 
LONG NOW!…But this doesn't seem to interest you any 
more!…"
        A long pause filled the air between Hong 
Kong and Bucharest. A commercial about "Choopa-
Choop" filled the screen of the TV at the same 
time.
        "What did you dream about me?… ALL!... And I 
know you won't move to London, you'll move to 
Amsterdam!…"
        (TV commercial pause featuring "Ariel")  
        "That's what you told me when we made love… 
And what else did I tell you?… That you'll take me 
with you…I did!? It means… But how!?… Yeees, IF 
I'LL CHANGE MY FACE!… You know, all those shouting 
women look worse than I do!… I agree… OH, YOU 
AGREE!!!… No, I just meant you are the most 
beautiful woman I've ever seen… Oh, my God, my ex-
boy friend wanted to come back to me, to marry me… 
Oh, he did?… But I said NOOO, NOW I LOVE SOMEONE 
ELSE!… AND NOW YOU ARE LIKE A COUSIN TO ME!… WHAT A 
STUPID!… Why, darling? Sometimes marriages between 
cousins are allowed… I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE THE 
FEELING I'M ACTING MY OWN LIFE IN A WOODY ALLEN
PRODUCTION!… But, darling, in Tokyo you've told me 
you had loved that man so much!… When you love a 
man so much, you must go after him!… I HAD LOVED 
HIM… UNTIL I MET YOU!!!… OH! YOU REALLY WANT TO GET 
RID OF ME?!!!… DON'T YOU?…
        (No more commercials.)
        "Darling, you know it's not true… Than prove 
it to me!… E-mail me again!… But darling, that's quite 
a responsibility, I don't like responsibilities. Do 
you know what a collective hysteria that 
diary of yours produced up here? They brought the IT 
department to open the files!… Men thought it was a 
codified terrorist message while women became 
terrorists themselves!… With me!!!… They still 
are!… I think I should have called you to explain 
at that moment but… I DON'T CARE, I TOLD YOU I 
KNOW! So you don't like responsibilities? A minute 
ago you spoke about DUTIES!… That's something 
else!… Oh, yes? Why not make your duty and… PAY ME 
A TAXI UP TO HONG KONG?… But how darling, you're 
East-European, you'll need a visa to enter Hong 
Kong! When you get it I might be in Amsterdam!… 
Visa?!… Amsterdam!?…Don't you worry, you just pay 
me the taxi, I'LL DO THE REST!!!… Remember?… Ah! 
One more thing! Tell me, why did I have to come up 
to Japan to meet you? There were hundreds of guys 
like you hanging around my block, even thousands?… 
I don't know, you tell me, you seem to know 
everything… Oh no! You tell me!… No! You tell me… 
You tell me!…No, you!…"
        Both at the same time: "All right then! Do 
you want to know why?… BECAUSE!!!!" and they both 
hang up.
        She looked at the gyps on her leg and added 
        "Oh, yeees… 'I'll do the rest!'… O-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-
…"

                        *


The professor in psychology rang at her door 
with a package in his hand and said: "Will you 
marry me?"
        She ignored the package and said: 
        "Professor, if you take me to the hospital 
immediately to take off my gyps, I'll let you… 
touch my fracture!!!…" 
        The professor in psychology was supposed to 
be appointed as The Minister of Mental Health of 
Romania only 2 years later but she was not aware of 
that. So she never kept her promise about the 
fracture. 
        After the gyps was taken off, she had a 
revelation. Her lover had told her: "WHEN YOU LOVE 
A MAN SO MUCH, YOU MUST GO AFTER HIM!"… 
        She told the professor all her story as if 
had happened to a friend of her. Asked for his 
opinion. 
        The professor said: "Well, of course your 
friend mustn't come back to her ex-lover!… Her 
current one doesn't seem so determined to give up the 
relationship. He is still continuing to play her 
games on the phone. Regarding the dreams, they say 
the truth because his subconscious appeals to her 
help. He is too much involved in a system contrary 
to his nature. So his subconscious will always run 
there where its needs are completely fulfilled. 
Even if the man is still not aware of it, all he 
does is to test your friend's feelings. If a King 
has to give up a Crown, he must know why!…"
King?!… Aha!… That's why he used to call her 
"The Queen of Tokyo"!…
        She kissed the professor and took the first 
taxi she found.
        The professor remained mute and told to an 
old lady waiting for the bus: "You see, she did not 
even look at this package. I bought her a small 
beautiful delicate Japanese tree like her, a 
"bonsai"… (Much better for him she hadn't seen 
it!…)
        The old lady was deaf so the professor 
carried that tree with him ever after and called it 
"F". His secretary said that, when he was a 
Minister, the professor used to keep the tree on 
his desk and often asked it: "Darling, shall I 
order McDonalds for you too?…"


                        *


She was on the airport, waiting for her 
plane to her contract. Well, it was not quite for a 
modelling agency but at least it was in Amsterdam 
and it was the best thing she could find to 
convince her King quicker to give up his Crown. On 
her way to the airport, she also bought a book 
about cooking… just for any case…
 

     (To be continued on TV, radio, newspapers 
and Internet. Just watch what will come out of this)

February …, 1999

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