The author has given permission as the copyright holder for  
the text of THE STORIES OF MY COMPUTER to be distributed via  
the Internet and down-loaded free of charge, either as a whole  
or in extract form.  


 
 
    FLORINA FABIAN: Welcome To My World
============================================
ONE OSCAR FOR ACTING (IN LIFE) AVAILABLE?

                                                                  
	Hi, 
	It seems I need to wear sun-glasses to watch 
my future...  
	Most of all I enjoy living the present. 
	About my past?... I just followed the light. 
My job is the humour and my hobby is to have 
fun.
	In fact I don't like to speak about myself 
too much, it's better to let the others. What do 
the others say about me? Oh, usually only a few say 
the truth, they are very busy and difficult to 
find. So don't listen to them, listen to the others 
who invent stories about me. It's much more 
interesting... Even I like to listen to them and 
wonder "Is it really me?" 
	Usually I write down these stories and turn 
them into shows. I also direct and perform them. In 
fact, I'm never interested to write a story if I 
know I won't act in it. I always like be in the 
game. I think this is the most interesting part of 
a story - turning it into life. 
	Luckily people forget quickly, so when they 
see the final product, they don't recognise their 
own contribution. They just say about me: "Oh, 
she's unique, so original, so nonconformist!..." 
	Sometimes, without ever dreaming about it, I was 
awarded for the stories I've written, even abroad.
Until now, there've been enough Gods somewhere 
up to protect me. I'd be very glad to 
hear they are my fans…
	Otherwise I'm a 1,66m/56kg normal human 
being, looking (I swear!) better and better as 
times goes by... Nature turned not to be so 
"original" as myself and offered me, in general, 
a Marilyn Monroe cover. But I don't complain...
So, except to those Gods mentioned above, I 
think I still have to thank to all those who 
contributed to this great start of mine on the 
Internet. I open the long list and thank:
	* to my mother who left the Earth to help 
me from Heaven. (Mother you did a great job 
in the last few years!);
	* to my son for leaving his computer games 
sometimes, so that I can write;
	* to my dog for taking his vitamins from 
time to time;
	* to those compatriots of mine who tried 
so hard to kill my dreams that I had to leave 
and make it bigger on an international 
scale;
	* to Mr. Iasui (my Japanese promoter) 
and his family, for convincing me to go and 
start a new way of life in Japan;
	* to my friends Ofelia, Mihaela and 
Catalina who beared my creative mood lately;
	* to Santa Claus for bringing Gary Cahalane, 
my publisher, into my destiny, on the last 
Christmas night;
	* to Gary Cahalane for… Oh! I'm sorry I 
won't open the list, it's too long!…
	* to Robert Benayoun for his book "WOODY 
ALLEN: Beyond Words", (TRANS. Alexander Walker,
Pavilion/Michael Joseph, London, 1985) from which 
images of Woody Allen are taken.
	* and finally… to "K", for opening my 
account at his emotional bank. 
	(K, I've never been so rich before!…)

                                                                               
                                                                               
		Sincerely,
                                                                          
                                                                          
		THE AUTHOR


	PS:     Now try to leave aside all what 
you're used to believe about life and listen to the 
point of view of my computer. It's been working 
quite hard on its study lately. If you think you're 
still too serious to believe a machine can write 
fiction by itself, try the opinion of a 
psychologist. 

                                                                           




		FLORINA: A Psychologist Writes

	Is life a dream?… this is something we often 
ask. Anyhow, the one who's dreaming is sure he's 
alive and the one who really lives… is dreaming! 
	What is normal and abnormal in dream and 
reality? We keep finding this out for a life…
	Where the abnormal starts and where the 
normal finishes for… Florina? One can hardly guess. 
	But one thing is for sure, her abnormal is the 
salvation of normal.
	One can feel Florina as someone playing all 
the time between dream and reality and… art.
	For Florina the life is a game, the dream is 
a way of life and the art is the path to sublime 
all the vibrations, emotions and feelings. Hers and 
the others…. Thus, the existential worries are 
thrown out of her way.
	Are you among those who want to discover 
abysum? Are you among those able at least to 
understand something of the"parallel worlds", even 
if you will never choose to live in them the way 
she does? Florina is here, on this planet to open 
the doors to mystery.
	But take care the rest of you, with the same 
power of her personality Florina will succeed in 
scaring people. She has an incredible, unexpected 
way to attack taboo subjects. And yet she seems to 
be so innocent in doing this, almost childish… 
You'll just remain mute observing how she'll break 
the walls you worked so hurd to build around you, 
in order to protect yourself in a false identity. 
	Are you shocked by so much honesty? Are you 
shocked to find out that she is really honest? Try 
to know her better and see that Florina laughs at 
what happens but she never laughs at herself and 
never laughs at others. She is just an observer 
of yours, a very special one. Be happy to meet her 
and be sure that her touch on the wound of your 
soul doesn't hurt.
	Get the courage to read her novel in which 
the love story is just the screen to know yourself 
better and to relate differently to the world 
around you. 
	The message at the end of the 9 levels of 
the "TERRA" game is that life must be lived in a 
natural way, without sticking to schemes so called 
"normal". Try to play her game and you'll see that 
all will "solve by itself"!
	So read and dream, dream and live… the game…

                                                                               
		    CATALINA RADULESCU
                                                                                           
			 Psychologist
 



 
		THE STORIES OF MY COMPUTER 
 
			     by 
 
			Floria Fabian 
 
  If you'd like to tell me what you think of my work 
          contact: florina@cygenesis.co.uk 
 
 
 
  
  
  
			 THE HE/SHE  
  
It is not true that God created the world in 6 days and took  
a rest on the 7th. The world had already been created but  
God was crazy about computer games. He invented a new game  
and chose a dead language to name it, so he called it  
"TERRA". ("TERRA 1, TERRA 2, TERRA 3" and so on;) that was on  
the 8th day, because there's been a breakdown in the main  
supply on the 7th and no one was available to fix it, as  
usually on Sundays.  
	God was a very active person, so he hated Sundays as  
well as all other holidays because they always interfered  
in his plans. God was so angry thinking about the  
significance of the 7th day that next morning, immediately  
after entitling the game, he introduced Numerology and  
Astrology for the sake of revenge.  
	God did not pay too much attention to the creation of  
Adam and Eve, multiplied afterwards in so many couples with  
snake terrestrial features. They were meant to be just  
accidents coming into the way of his really great creation:  
Messiah. There've been Messiah 1, Messiah 2, Messiah 3 and so  
on, the pick of his army of angels, something like a secret  
service department.  
	Mission: "ME WHO?".  
	In fact "TERRA" was created as the last test of their   
training. Many of them became famous all over the world, like  
Jesus or Marilyn Monroe, reaching up to the level of "STARS".  
The others lost their lives on the way and not even God wanted  
to remember their anonymous sacrifice. God loved only the  
winners and in order to be one of them, the main condition was  
not to waste time with excuses in front of the others. But who  
could remember that? Before being sent on his mission, the  
subject agreed to erase his own memory, as a security measure  
and to change his ID.   
	God also destroyed his identity file, breaking it into  
pieces and throwing it to the earth, into the hands of   
mortals. The subject had to find the pieces and bring them  
back. As soon as he reached the earth, he was given a body  
for use as a mask as well as for transportation.  
	God was still busy with the creation and the  
installation of the game on the 8th day. In fact he finished  
all these late at night.   
	He started to play the game on the 9th day, when he  
really was very tired and needed some fun.   
	Nine days of God meant an era in terrestrial time.    
	After playing the game many times, God decided to sent  
Messiah 5 (simply called 5) into V.R., selected the no. 7 way  
of life for the mission and this is what happened to 5 after  
he started to function in the no. 7 way of life, under his  
new ID.  
  
  
  
				*  
  
  
  
5 woke up in a perambulator. The huge faces of a couple  
laughing at him were covering the sky. 5 began to cry and two  
small round things, that must have been his own hands, began to  
move in front of his eyes. Instantly a sweet liquid filled  
his mouth and he couldn't refuse it, it was too good. Later  
on he found out that this was "milk". The landscape was moving  
around him and 5 began to cry again when it stopped and he  
was carried into a big thing called "home".  
	5 was a problem for himself and for others  
from the very beginning. The first things he pronounced  
correctly had been some dirty words he heard in the street.  
The female part of the family was so disgusted that starting  
with that day, 5 preferred to speak to himself.  
	That developed his brain.   
	He grew up as an adult mind in a child's body and from  
the day he understood why all the others called him a "she",  
he continued his growth as a man's brain in a woman's body.  
	From now on we'll refer to him as the "he/she".  
	He/she discovered the first piece of his/her astral  
real identity watching TV. Neil Armstrong was making his  
first step on the moon. He/she must have been six and  
confessed to some other little girls: "Oh, when I'll grow up,  
I'd like to be an astronaut's wife!..."     
	The little girls replied: "Oh, yeah?… Well… but if you  
want to be an astronaut's wife you must be slim…" It was the  
moment when he/she discovered the mirror.  
	Sometimes he/she was in direct connection with God but,  
of course, he/she was not aware of that. Messages from  
somewhere above were poured into his/her brain as lyrics with  
a codified meaning. As soon as he/she put them on paper,  
he/she discovered he/she could make a living out of that.  
In fact, everything else he/she tried to that purpose didn't  
work.   
	People sang his/her lyrics all over the world and  
he/she was rewarded with an Oscar for that. The moment they  
sent him/her the award, he/she watched the statue and  
discovered the male. From that day his/her lyrics gained  
something unusual in their sense of profoundness and  
melancholy.  
	He/she had always been too pure to find a homosexual  
solution to his/her dual nature but he/she thought about the  
worst thing of all, for someone like him/her. He/she decided  
to have a normal relationship with a man, get married, make a  
family, and other terrestrial stuff like that.   
	God's computer began to signal a very serious set up  
error. Although he/she already reached the "STARS" level,  
he/she was not at all in the mood to die yet.  
	Every subject was supposed to make a big mistake in the  
game, in order to die in one way or another. But he/she didn't  
think about that as a problem, his/her real problem was that  
he/she felt not part of any game at all. Games and fun were  
something out of that big terrifying thing called "home".  
	The female members of his/her family could never forget  
the dirty words he/she pronounced so correctly in his/her  
early childhood, so they kept accompanying him/her whenever  
he/she went out. So he/she began to think about this matter  
profoundly, rang to a horoscope line and due to the  
numerologist on duty, discovered the greatest anomaly one can  
hear about. He/she had in fact an adventurer's nature  
imprisoned in a intellectual way of life.  
	Scientifically speaking that meant a no. 5 temper grafted 
onto a no. 7 way of life.  
	Light white smoke began to come out of God's computer.  
That should have been the moment for he/she to turn back but…  
	He/she ran away from home.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As soon as he/she was alone in the world, he/she found out it   
looked totally different without the commentaries of his/her   
female companions from home.  
	Even he/she looked totally different for the World. Not  
fat, not ugly, not stupid, not boring, not sad, not… etc.  
Adding his/her poetical way of speaking…mmm… In short he/she  
appeared to the others like someone too good to be true.  
	First this thing made people crowd around him/her but  
slowly-slowly they all left again and he/she caught a very bad  
cold finding him/herself absolutely alone.  
	In fact, half of them wanted his/her mind, half of them  
wanted his/her body. Both of them were too risky for a  
reasonable person to attempt. Soon he/she discovered  
him/herself appearing like a dream in the other people's minds.  
	He/she insisted upon calling people and visiting them  
directly at home, to convince them of his/her connection to  
reality. In the end people treated him/her in a very bad and  
rejective manner for contradicting their expectations.  
	The very bad cold turned into a lungs cancer and he/she  
died .  
  
  
				*  
  
  
Only God could understand why he/she chose another way to  
die.   
	He/she was still coughing but the journey brought colour  
into his her/face and looked great. So great that God didn't  
mind at all the fact that he/she also brought his/her body into  
heaven. Only to keep it there meant breaking the rules.   
	Yet it was a pity that he/she couldn't take advantage  
of his/her physical features. So God took out a part of  
his/her brain out and sent him/her as a singer on temporary  
contract to Japan. 
	Why Japan? Because…   
	Sending him/her back was the reward for the success of  
his/her previous mission. The punishment for his/her  
disobedience was that he/she had to sing other people's  
lyrics. But taking into account the missing part of his/her  
brain, he/she couldn't think too much about what he/she was  
doing. This is how he/she could pick up a man, make him fall  
in love with him/her madly, and from now on we will refer to  
him/her as the "she".  
	She and her man lived happily ever after so the set up  
error in God's computer solved by itself and this is how a  
new era in the terrestrial time started.


December 25, 1998 
  
  
  
			  
 
 
	THE STORY OF MY LIFE WRITTEN BY WOODY ALLEN 
 
 
She was meant to be The First Lady, the real one. The  
trouble was that she was not aware of that. 
	Her father had been to busy with himself and her  
mother had died quickly and insane, so they had had no  
time to speak to their daughter about this fact.  
	She grew up alone, dreaming of becoming an actress,  
like everybody who doesn't like herself too much. This  
fact turned her into a very good looking person but she  
was not aware of that as well. 
	So when she changed into a woman, all kind of local  
leaders and even foreign VIP’s visiting her country fell  
in love with her one by one. She was not aware of that  
either!… 
	Her girl-friends were really in panic and asked her:  
	"With all these connections, no money, no career, no  
fame!… What do you get?"  
	"Oh, I get such brilliant conversation…" she  
answered. 
	Sometimes she felt something very curious was  
connected to all these important men coming and going  
out of her life to no purpose. Anyhow, she had no time  
to think about such minor things. She had a working   
nature and she also had a dog that needed to be taken out  
twice a day. 
	Yet one day she met The Real President of Romania  
(the one she knew from TV was cartoons). The Real  
President of Romania's job was to bring in the money that  
run the country. This could not prevent him from  
falling in love, on the contrary… The moment he saw her,  
he fell so deeply in love that he lost his ability to  
speak for one month. 
	That produced a whole mess in Romania for which the  
Prime Minister was blamed and was changed. 
	She felt something new in her life was happening,  
taking into account that brilliant conversation was  
missing completely. In fact she enjoyed so much the  
advantages of mental communication that she did not even  
notice when The Real President of Romania recovered and  
said: "Look girl, I'm too much involved. Things may  
turn out in a dangerous way. Here is your new passport,  
you'd better leave." 
	She woke up from her mental activities when she and  
her suitcase were already in the street.  Men started  
whistling at the way she moved on her 12cm high-heels  
and the image of The Real President of Romania suddenly  
appeared in her mind. She started to cry. 
	"Oh, that must have been a love affair and I passed  
it by!" 
	She found no convenient shoulder to cry on. All her  
girl-friends were married suspicious material persons,  
for the time being.  
	So she went to Japan, to forget. 
	Why Japan? Because… 
	There she discovered the benefits of profound  
meditation and she kept doing that for months. She had  
nothing else to do. Thus she found the great answer of  
her life: A CHANGE!… Only the change needed to be so  
real that even she had to be aware that it was happening. 
She was still dizzy because of her previous experience so  
she didn't know yet how to make it. 
	Anyhow, something more powerful than her own will  
pushed her to go to a Tokyo club late at night. She was  
still not aware about what she was doing so she used her  
knowledge of English and spoke to a man: "Sorry, have you  
ever been to Romania?" 
	Of course he hadn't but the man found it a very  
convenient way to start THE MOST BRILLIANT CONVERSATION  
SHE EVER HAD! "The hell with the change in my life" she said  
to herself and the man said to himself "the hell with my  
bottle of beer, I'll drink it later." For him, that was a  
very hard decision to make. He was someone who complained  
all the time that: “he was not so important”. On the contrary,  
she was so happy to meet an ordinary man, at last…  
She really felt that a great change in her life had started. 
	The man came from the country of Byron and Keats  
and this fact made the conversation move smoothly onto  
the field of romantic poetry. They kept debating the subject, 
conversing on different South-American rhythms until morning 
when the bartender decided to sell beer only to those who 
spoke Japanese.  
	That must have appealed to her East-European  
complex so badly that she transformed into the most vulnerable  
human being that he ever saw. That made him (video-insert)  
turn into James Bond jumping down from The Tokyo Tower to  
save Marilyn Monroe from her destiny. So(back to story) he  
passed over the fact he was not so important, kissed her,  
told her "I love you" and took her to another place. 
	She was still not aware about what she was doing.  
Otherwise she would have had the bad luck to refuse. 
There, in the place where he took her, something very curious  
happened and life turned into poetry… or poetry turned into  
life… one will never know. 
	In fact they turned their lives upside-down for  
each other, closed for days in a room on the 46th floor  
of the highest hotel in town. They both were adults so  
they both must have been aware of what they were doing.  
Meanwhile the yen rate had an instant increase of 23% and  
whole of Tokyo Town seemed to float under the pink clouds 
of a great celebration. 
	Yet one night another curious thing happened and the  
man received a telephone call: From his wife. The pink  
Tokyo clouds spread away in a second and the man suddenly  
remembered who he was.  
	He was The Real President of Asia!… and he told  
this to her with an, unusual for him, BBC news reader's  
accent. 
	That made her burst into tears between the silk  
sheets: "O-o-o-o-o-oh!… It's the first time that I love  
and that I'm aware of it and look what you're doing to me!  
I must be damned!… I'm so sure I love you, don't leave me,  
please!" and she tried to continue through tears what the  
telephone call had just interrupted. 
	"But how can you be so sure you love me, I mean…? 
	"My daily horoscope Love-O-Meter was up to 'hot' on  
the day I met you. O-o-o-o-oh…!"  
	"Darling, don't be sad, I am not so important…"  
(His BBC news reader's accent disappeared, enveloped into her  
embrace.) 
	"O-o-o-oh…!"  
 	"I'm just someone you've met… " 
	"O-o-oh!…"  
	"And besides, I'm supposed to be in London by now…" 
	"O-oh…!" 
	"…to interchange posts with The Real President of  
Europe…" 
	"Oh!" 
	"My wife's arranged it for me." 
	"Oh, great!"  
	She pushed him away.  
	"Two Presidents in one! So there remain only The  
Real Presidents of Africa, America and Australia to come  
into my life and ruin it, exactly like you, one by one."  
She started crying louder and louder: "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 
oh!…" 
	For a few seconds he balanced between her… 
vulnerability and a new nervous breakdown from his wife. 
The new nervous breakdown won, because a divorce would make 
him lose all his money.
	"But darling, I'm a married man, there's nothing I  
can do for you!… At least for the moment…" he commented. 
	Suddenly she had a great revelation. 
	"Oh, no, she said, there is one thing you can do  
for me. I don't want to waste time. Maybe I am meant to  
be a 	"First Lady" and if this is to happen, I want to be  
the greatest of all! Introduce me to The Real President  
of The World. I want to marry him." 
	"My boss!?" he exclaimed. "Darling, I'm not so  
important!… I'll speak to my wife." 
	She refused him that alternative. In the end she  
obtained a written letter of recommendation from him and  
used it. 
 
 
 
The Real President of The World sat in a wheel-chair.  
He totally rejected the idea of marriage. He was  
too busy using his fingers to take a biscuit out from a  
cup of tea. 
	"But don't you need someone to do that for you?"  
she insisted. 
	"No, I need no one!…" he said. "How can you think  
about marriage when I can't use that cute precious little  
thing any longer…it's gone!… What do you call it?" 
	"Mr. Real President!…" (She blushed with anger.) 
	"Aha, teaspoon!… now I remember. I was speaking  
about my gold plated teaspoon from my mother, what were  
you thinking about?" 
	"About nothing." 
	"No wonder… Who signed that recommendation for you?  
Churchill took my spectacles by mistake and I called him  
to bring them back but there's been no answer, for half  
a century!… Can you imagine that?" 
	"The recommendation was signed by The Real  
President of Asia, Sir…" 
	"Aha! That one! I always said that young man had a  
future. Why didn't he marry you? Is he dead?" 
	"Oh, no… He's already married…" 
	"The poor man…" 
	"With me it would have been different for him…  
	"Why?" 
	"Well… I'm not supposed to tell you but something  
makes me feel you'll forget about it quite soon… We've  
been very much in love!" 
	"In what?" 
	"IN LOVE!" She repeated loudly. "So very much in  
love that the whole wide world changed into something  
much better…" 
	"Rubbish." 
	"Oh, no, even the yen rate had a 23% increase at  
the time!" 
	"WHAT!?" shouted The Real President of The World.  
	"That was not supposed to happen!" 
	The Real President of The World almost fell down  
from his wheel-chair. 
	"This is what happens when you let a 40 years old  
teen-ager rule a continent" he said. "Where was his  
head?" 
	"His head?…His… I don't know. In fact he was The  
Head, The Head of The Asian Financial Department." 
	"All right but where was The Head of The Asian  
Financial Department when the yen rate had that 23%  
increase?" 
	"In bed with me." 
	"Oh, my God! I'll sent him to Africa to be the  
driver of The Real President of Burkina Faso." 
	"Please, Mr. Real President, you can't do that!" 
	"Why?" 
	"A lion might eat him!" 
	"Even better." 
	The Real President of The World pushed a button  
under his desk. 
	"What about our marriage?" she asked. 
	"Get OUT!" 
	So she left.  
	She had been revenged but she was not aware of that. 
	She was so desperate that she looked much more  
vulnerable than ever. And much more seductive as a  
consequence. 
	The Sheikh of North-Africa was just passing by in a  
long black car and kidnapped her. 
	She could not enjoy watching the landscape during  
the journey. She had been well shrouded, wrapped from head  
to toe, in dark flowing oriental robes and a yashmak, 
and because The Sheikh of North-Africa was extremely jealous,  
her eyes had been covered too. 
	When she was allowed to uncover her eyes, she  
thought that she was present at a meeting for Oriental  
Women's Rights. There must have been a few hundred  
persons around her and they all claimed to be "The  
Favoured One" of The Sheikh of North-Africa's wives.  
	Everybody remained silent when she said she had not  
the slightest intention of marrying The Sheikh, that she was  
still in love with somebody else. All she wanted was to take  
the opportunity of visiting the pyramids and the Sphinx, as 
she had come to Cairo for free. All the audience started  
to cry when she finished. 
	"Oh, my poor child", said the oldest of wives who  
must have been 18 but looked 65. "No woman is allowed to  
leave The Harem from the moment that she enters it. You're  
destined for the rest of your life to see the sun and  
the blue of the sky only through that huge latticed window  
up there."  
	"But I can't even see one pyramid top from there!" 
	"Don't be upset, my child. If you behave properly  
and are lucky you'll have the chance to see The Sheikh through  
the darkness, in your bed, once a year." 
	She missed that chance. Captivity led her to a  
heroic display of inadequate behaviour that reached its climax 
on the exact date the Sheikh had announced for their wedding.  
That very same day she escaped from the Harem. 
	She began to run faster and faster towards the  
pyramids. The Sheikh took a gun, leaving all his body- 
guards at home. He had to chase her alone. He was afraid  
his people might find out that he had been left by a "mere"  
woman and was very ashamed.   
	"Hey, where do you think you can hide?" The Sheikh  
kept shouting and running. "I have enough money to buy  
the whole world if I want!  I can afford to burn all of  
the year's North-African oil production to light a  
traditional barbecue! If you don't stop you'll be the first 
lump of meat on the griddle. So help me Allah!" 
	The Sheikh was only 10 meters behind her when she  
entered the desert and crossed the path of a man who was  
being chased by a lion. Suddenly a sand storm burst out and  
she could no longer see a thing. Very soon after, she heard a  
loud report close to her and she fainted.   
	When she opened her eyes the sand storm had already  
stopped and the air was clear around. The Sheikh of  
North-Africa was lying next to her with his chest very  
badly mauled by the lion. The lion was lying on top of him.  
It had a huge hole in his chest, made by The Sheikh of  
North-Africa's gun. Both were dead.  
	She and the man chased by the lion rose up from the  
sand and came face to face. The sun was burning like hell  
and they couldn't believe their eyes. They asked each other: 
"Is it you?"  
	"Is it really you?…" 
	"K!" 
	"F!" 
	She looked so… vulnerable in that ornately veiled  
Oriental wedding dress. 
	The ex-Real President of Asia looked so protective  
in his new driver's suit…  
	They threw into each other's arms. 
	"What did that Love-O-Meter of yours say to you for  
today?" he asked her. 
	"That we'll both succeed in show-business", she  
answered.  
	They kissed each other…  
 
	 
	(Here everybody, main characters, author, publishers, 
readers and others must cry… Even the lion must cry, 
it died hungry.) 
 
 
				 * 
 
 
The big change in her life starts, in fact, at this  
point of the story. 
	The Sheikh of North-Africa's death eliminated the  
danger of the outbreak of World War III. She and The ex-Real  
President of Asia became the most famous lovers on Earth,  
the symbol of those human virtues that should ever win.  
	Only the North-African people stuck to the view  
that Allah had performed a favour to the Christian world on  
their coast. Greatly improving their income by selling T- 
shirts to tourists which showed the Earth's most famous  
lovers, kissing each other in front of the Sphinx.  
	The ex-Real President of Asia was asked by some  
Hollywood producers to put down on paper, his desert  
experience. That was necessary for a new James Bond  
series ("James Bond in The Desert",  "James Bond Getting  
Out of  The Desert" and "James Bond Coming Back to The  
Desert Because He Forgot Something"). His success in the  
film industry turned him into that someone important he  
always wanted to be. 
	Later on he sold his fiancee's romantic experiences  
to the same producers for a Hollywood romance, to me for  
a comedy and to some Argentinean agents for the most  
successful tele-novella, "L'amor,  una rosa por siempre  
vivir" 
	This was very convenient for her. She remembered  
how much she had wanted to be an actress. Taking into account  
the new state of things, she did not need to fight at all for  
an Oscar. Who could wish for more? 
	They decided to live in Brazil because they were  
both crazy about South-American music. 
	Her girl-friends from Romania called her one day. 
They wanted to pay her a five year long visit. They were 
all divorced or bored by their husbands for the time being. 
She elegantly refused. She was married but still in love. 
	"Such ingratitude!" they exclaimed. "After all  
we did for you!…" 
	"What did you do for me?" 
	"We opened your eyes. How can you treat us like  
this? You're not The First Lady of The United States of  
America!" 
	"Well, maybe I'm not. But I'm The First Lady in my  
own house and I want to remain so!" 
	So she never had a nervous breakdown. 
 
 
 
			HAPPY END  
 
 
 
 
 
 
New comments in papers: 
 
 
The Japanese people still believe that the return of  
the most famous lovers on Earth will break the economic  
deadlock of their country. 
 
 
The Real President of The World met Churchill in  
the Heaven, wearing HIS spectacles, and got very angry.  
The rest solved itself. 
 
 

December 30, 1998

 
 
 
	 		SOCIETY 
 
A fashion event took place in Monte Carlo. Naomi Campbell 
was the star of the event. A German was in the audience 
and thought about his wife who was on a trip to Hawaii. She  
was expecting him to join her for the week-end.  
	'Oh, mein Gott, if Naomi Campbell would change places  
with my wife'…  
	She didn't. So the German went to a business meeting  
next morning and fell in love with a young lawyer lady from  
Romania. She looked much more like Elizabeth Taylor but it  
didn't matter. 
	Another fashion event took place in Paris. Cindy  
Crawford was the star. A Frenchman was in the audience and  
looked at his wife sitting besides him. She was only sitting.  
	'Ah, mon Dieu, if Cindy Crawford would change places  
with my wife'…  
	She didn't. So, after a week, the Frenchman went to  
Romania to sign a contract and fell in love with a  
psychologist lady. She looked much more like Lauren Bacall  
but it didn't matter. 
	The most important fashion event of the year took place  
in Tokyo. 
	Why Tokyo? Why Japan? BECAUSE!…  
	Here, the star was Claudia Schiffer.  
	An Englishman was in the audience and thought about his  
wife in London. She was waiting for him to move his business  
to their home town for ever. 
	'Oh, my God, if Claudia Schiffer would change places  
with my wife'…  
	She didn't. So the Englishman went to a club late that  
night and fell in love with a Romanian show-girl. She looked  
much more like Marilyn Monroe but it didn't matter. 
	The  show-girl, the psychologist lady and the lawyer  
lady were all very good friends. So, after a while, they all  
met at the psychologist lady's place for a chat. They hadn't  
seen each other for a long time so they started with the  
subject of love. They never did finish the subject but it  
doesn't matter. 
	The psychologist lady worked on a very important  
project on her computer but checked her e-mail all the time.  
She looked extremely happy whenever she did that.  
	'What's happening?' asked the other two. 
	'My boy-friend in Paris insists on making love by  
e-mail.' 
	'And why don't you do it?!… Oh, sorry, we’re disturbing  
you…' 
	'Oh, no! My e-mail’s an old fashioned type. It needs  
to be adapted for that purpose.'  
	'Oooh!' did the others.  
	The lawyer lady said making love by e-mail was a  
revolutionary idea and the computer from her company would  
do. Besides the e-mail exchange would be charged to the  
company. The show-girl said she had won enough money in Japan  
to buy the best computer with the best e-mail in the world  
but asked permission to use the lawyer lady's one until  
she acquired one. The lady lawyer also invited the psychologist  
lady to join them, of course after her boss and all the other  
employees had left the premises. 
	Thus the hottest e-mail all over the world started.  
Light coloured heart shaped clouds were floating from  
outboxes to inboxes, from Romania to Germany, to England, to  
France and to all the other countries the boy-friends were  
travelling in. The answers came back to Romania, in the same  
light coloured heart shaped clouds growing bigger and bigger.  
And so on… 
	The three young ladies had the fun of their life for a  
week, until they heard a click inside the monitor and the  
screen turned black. Three desperate men in three different  
places on Earth made a mess of their lives and their business's  
for the next three days. 
	'Oh, said the show-girl to the lawyer lady, it's   
my fault. We overworked the poor thing. Tomorrow morning I'll  
buy my own computer and I'll find someone to solve this  
problem for you. I don't want you to have trouble with your  
boss.' 
	'Oh, it's my fault, too, insisted the psychologist  
lady. I should have had my e-mail adapted instead of…  
Anyhow, privacy is privacy in such matters.' 
	They were all too good friends not to share the matter.  
They looked through The Yellow Pages, found the address of a  
confident trade and service computers company and went there. 
	The engineer on duty was short, thin and shy but he had  
a very long nose and a very big black moustache. He was told  
by his wife that glamorous women were only V.R. He had  
happily lived with that belief for a very long time.  
	The psychologist lady, the lawyer lady and the show- 
girl entered his office. The engineer almost fell down from  
his chair, splashed coffee (fortunately cold) on his trousers  
and remained mute, with his mouth open, for the next half an  
hour.  
	Meanwhile, the three young ladies shook hands with  
him, explained the situation, spoke to each other, chose a  
computer to buy, spoke to each other, left their addresses  
and telephone numbers, made appointments with him, spoke  
to each other, shook hands with him again, and left. 
	A switch button was touched by an invisible finger in  
the soft engineer's mind. So glamorous women exist! They  
touch people! They speak to people! They enter people's  
offices like any other human beings! They leave their  
addresses and telephone numbers and much more, they make  
appointments with them!
	It took a while for the engineer to realise that he was  
'people', too. 
	A crazy, crazy, crazy yell was heard from the  
engineer's office. The sales-persons, the accountant and the  
woman who was cleaning the place burst in to see what had  
happened to him. 
	'Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford  
have just been in my office.' An unusual Don Juan-esque  
glance was added to these words. The company people made a  
large sign of cross in the orthodox manner and minded their  
own business.  
	The engineer didn't pay attention to them. He continued  
to make the Don Juan-esque glance for himself in the mirror, 
and reviewed his appointments. He decided to meet Claudia  
Schiffer today, Naomi Campbell tomorrow and Cindy Crawford  
the day after tomorrow. He bought flowers for the three of  
them. 
 
	 
 
Claudia Schiffer/the show-girl was wearing a strapless figure  
hugging dress, needed her new computer installed and  
appreciated the flowers very much.  
	That made the engineer's season look like spring,  
although there was really a -20oC temperature outside. The  
engineer proved not only to be a very good professional but a  
person with great opinions as well. At least, that's what he  
thought.  
	His wife thought he was unusually late and kept calling
him on his cellular every ten minutes. That made the engineer
turn off his phone after the first five or six hours. Then he
began a never ending human study upon the nature of 
compatibility between married couples in general. Claudia 
Schiffer/the show-girl gave up the idea of using her own e-mail
for the next five years and fell asleep on the couch. She was
just reciting poetry to The Real President of Asia, in a 
wonderful Japanese garden when the engineer woke her up. He 
was very sorry but he had to leave her because it was already 
tomorrow and time to meet Naomi Campbell... At least the computer 
was installed and ready to go. 
	 
 
Naomi Campbell/the lawyer lady was dressed in prim office 
fashion but looked really sexy. She made spring turn into 
summer, in spite of a slight decrease in outside temperature.
Naomi Campbell/the lawyer lady didn't appreciate the flowers 
too much. She was just speaking on the phone when the engineer
arrived. The voice on the phone belonged to Claudia 
Schiffer/the show-girl and said: 'Watch out, I think the man is 
a little crazy.' 
	She didn't need to watch out too much because her boss 
was already there. The monitor of her computer proved to have 
only two wires disconnected inside. So the engineer gave up 
his human study on the nature of married couples compatibility 
in general and left… At least the monitor was fixed and 
ready to go.

	 
 
He entered the pub across the street to have a single beer  
but had 18 instead. He kept watching the large office window  
where Naomi Campbell was working and using the phone like any 
other human being. Fortunately she didn't notice him at all. 
	Naomi Campbell must have been at her 243rd e-mail exchange, 
working overtime, when the engineer realised that it was 
already the day after tomorrow.  
	'Sorry to leave you, babe, time to meet Cindy Crawford!'  
	His cellular was still off. 
 
 
 
Cindy Crawford/the psychologist lady transformed his summer 
into autumn. It happened in spite of her aerobic sportswear 
and the slight increase in outside temperature. She didn't
appreciate the flowers at all for three reasons: 1) because
they were already dead; 2) because Naomi Campbell/the 
lawyer lady already phoned her to say 'the man is definitely 
crazy ' and 3) because the psychological professional inside 
her was deeply disappointed to face only a drunk instead of a 
case. The engineer made the mistake of his life, trying to 
improve things with his latest human study. Besides, this 
happened in the Cindy Crawford/psychologist lady's own house 
and in her own field of her professional. This was the very 
project that she was working on! In spite of the drunk's 
opinion, she felt sure that things could work perfectly 
between husband and wife! 
	She had not the time to tell him exactly on what terms 
and conditions that this could occur. The engineer felt like 
a boxer just before his KO and not only because of the beer 
irrigating his brain. 
	Yet he found the power to operate on a professional 
level and gave up his opinions about other matters. The day 
after tomorrow had not even reached noon... 
	At least the e-mail was updated and ready to work.



 
 
 
The engineer left, slipped on the stairs and turned on his  
phone by mistake. 
	The voice of his wife vibrated angrily into the frozen  
air: "Where are you? …%&(np_!mu_jkop^%$vxx?!'  
	What a pity Cindy Crawford/the psychologist lady had  
had not time to tell him precisely how things could work  
perfectly between husband and wife… 
	Although the outside weather was now a little bit sunny,  
his internal winter was the worst of all seasons, too grey  
and too cold, as chill and unappealing as the day before  
yesterday's dinner, waiting on the kitchen table at home.  
	The wife was wearing a pink-green flowered dressing gown.  
She had had not the chance to appreciate the hidden meanings of  
a gift of flowers since their wedding.   
	'WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?'  
	'At work.' 
	'WHICH WORK? THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! WE CALLED THE 
POLICE!'  
	'And?' 
	'WHAT AND?…THEY SAID YOU WERE CRAZY…YOU MENTIONED 3  
WOMEN…  WHO ARE THEY?' 
	'Mmm…'  
	'WHAT MMM?' 
	'Hm.'  
	'THEY HAD TO CALL INTERPOL TO FIND THEM! ONE LIVES  
IN EUROPE, ONE IN AMERICA AND ONE GOD KNOWS WHERE! THE  
WOMEN SAID THEY NEVER HEARD OF YOU AND THEY NEVER  
HEARD OF ROMANIA!" 
	'Clever little bunnies…'  
	'WWHHAATT? WHERE DID YOU MEET THESE FOREIGN  
WOMEN… PUAH!… YOU SMELL LIKE A BARREL!!!… THESE  
WOMEN SAID THEY'LL ASK FOR COMPENSATION IN DOLLARS  
FOR DISTURBING THEM!… WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?'  
	'At work.' 
	'AND WHERE IS THE MONEY?'  
	How could a housekeeper like her understand that a man  
needed to volunteer sometimes? She decided to divorce. 
	The wife was a real housekeeper and had no other contacts  
than those in her husband's telephone book. She went through  
it in tears and found "...lawyer lady". 
	 
 
 
 
The lawyer lady met her and was very touched by her story.  
It was a complicated case implying immoral conduct outside  
and inside the marriage .  
	One could pass the line between the 'inside' and the  
'outside' without paying to much attention to it. The more  
invisible, the more dangerous this limit was. That was legal  
stuff. The wife couldn't understand that but understood  
the rest. The lawyer lady said she noticed the engineer's  
strange behaviour from the very beginning. She suggested  
calling in her friend, the show-girl as a witness. Her  
naturally great acting talents, famous even in Japan, would  
deeply impress The Court. Her friend, the psychologist lady  
was also suggested. They needed to shut the engineer up in 
a lunatic asylum so that he could not cause trouble with his  
perverse and incompetent opinions any longer. 
	All the three friends almost started to cry when they  
heard the engineer was not currently drinking beer. He had  
drank alcoholic extract when he was 3, had caught a cold  
and had confused a case of Pils with one of linctus. 
	The trial was a success on the complainant's side. The  
accused was not aware of that because he was already in a  
lunatic asylum, convinced that he was Bill Clinton. He lived  
happily ever after. He became famous all over the world  
because of a human study regarding the negative influence of  
computers on the soft professionals' brain. The study was  
mediated on a large scale and extended to include amateur  
subjects, as well. 
	Its conclusion was a logical one. Husband and wife  
could get on very well together, as long as the wife  
managed to divorce her husband from his previous wife.  
The wife heard about this conclusion from a neighbour and  
decided to revenge herself. The same neighbour told her  
to go to an old gypsy woman and place a curse upon the 3  
tramps using black magic.  
	The gypsy lady said 'Right, I can do it,  but bring me  
their names and that of your husband upon a $100 bill.'  
	The housekeeper changed all her savings and the  
neighbour wrote the names for her because she didn't  
know how to: Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford  
and X 
	No one could see what the gypsy old woman did with the  
bill.	The soft engineer was by now so convinced that he was  
Bill Clinton that he started playing the sax.  
(New York Times, article on the front page.)  
 
Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford got drunk  
upon Coca-Cola and doughnuts at a fashion event, displayed  
gleefully inadequate behaviour, lost their jobs, their money,  
their men and their nylon eye-lashes.  
(Idaho Gossip - one of the pages, right corner, down.) 
	 
 
The confounded ones, from Romania played the hot e-mail game  
until they got bored and started using the phone instead. 


January 4, 1999
		 
 
 
 
	THE INTERVIEW I GAVE TO WOODY ALLEN 
  SO THAT HE COULD WRITE THE STORY OF MY LIFE 
 
 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F! Please, take the dog from  
the door, so that I can come in! 
 
F:   Oh, you are afraid of dogs, I was not aware  
of that!.. 
 
DOG:   Waw, waw!… 
 
F:   But he's only a baby caniche, he won't harm  
you, would you, precious?… 
 
DOG:   WAW!.. WAW!…wg)&*...MMRRR…n(*)k!!!!!!!>>…! 
 
WOODY ALLEN :   Miss eeeeeF!…Maybe we should leave  
it for another ti… Ouch!… 
 
F:   All right, all right, come precious, come to  
mama, that's it, darling, mummy's, mummy's doll…  
Aren't we a nice boy? 
 
DOG:   Flick! Ng. 
 
F:   …And who is nice and clean like a white  
cream cake on a white cute plate on a white cute  
table-cloth on a… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   F! There's a man in the living  
room, he says he's waiting for you! 
 
F:   Oh!… Already?… I was not aware of that. Mr.  
Allen, let me introduce you my aunt… Aunt Stella,  
Mr. Woody Allen… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Sister of your mother? 
 
F:   No! of my grandmother… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Oh!… How do you do… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   What does he say? 
 
F:   To mind your own business. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Than I'll sit. 
 
F:   Aunt Stella! Don't you have anything else to  
do? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Nice weather, isn't it? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   So. Miss F, I suppose you know why  
I'm here… But, please, don't let that dog down…! 
 
F:   Oh, don't worry, he's only trying to make  
friends… 
 
DOG:   Flick… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Puah!…  
 
F:   Would you like a cup of cafe? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   No! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Maybe a cup of tea. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   No! 
 
DOG:   Flick!.. prst! …flick… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F.! Please! Can't you pick it  
up in your arms again? In case we take a picture  
afterwards… 
 
F:   Oh, of course, I was not aware of that…  
 
AUNT STELLA:   She's aware of nothing. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   As far as I know, that's how the  
whole story started. 
 
F:   What story? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   The story of your life! 
 
F:   Oh!… Aunt Stella, but how do you know why  
Mr. Woody Allen came here? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I heard you speaking on the phone,  
someone has to be aware of what's happening in  
this house! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F, maybe we should leave this  
for… 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, would you mind bringing Mr.  
Allen a glass of water? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Yes!… I mean, no!… I'll go but  
I'll leave the door opened! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Come on, Miss F, whisper quickly,  
the whole damn story into my ear, until she's  
back. 
 
F:  OK,ssshhhssssst, ssssssttttttshshhhhhhhhttttt.  
Ssssssh, ssssssssssss ththththss?… Shshttsh! Sss… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   (from the kitchen) Don't believe  
her, Mister,  SHE'S NOT AWARE ABOUT WHAT SHE'S  
SAYING!… 
 
DOG:   Waw…#^%&# ??? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   BECAUSE!… 
 
 
 
January 11, 1999
 
 
 
 
		THE DREAM MAKER 
 
 
They always said that V.R. can harm people.  
Sometimes it can become stronger than marijuana and  
LSD.  
	Police and even Intelligence Services have  
unsolved cases involving children who escaped from  
home into V.R. and never came back. Not only  
children, in fact…  
	There are also cases that a computer is not  
necessary to access. One of these cases was  
registered into The Archives as 'The Dream Maker's  
File'.  
	It contains material proofs that The Dream  
Maker really exists upon this planet and keeps  
influencing people from miles away, from an  
unknown territory. Parallel worlds have to be  
taken into account here.  
	Someone like this may live in a normal  
town, in a normal country, functioning within a normal  
family and social-economical background. For example 
… Hong Kong. Let's suppose that this someone may be  
not a local but an Englishman, for example, living in  
Hong Kong for business purposes. Beyond that, he  
works in a very abstract field, such as accountancy,  
who may have the slightest idea that he is, in fact… 
The Dream Maker? 
	How does he operate? He simply lives but sends  
his experience as dreams into other people's minds,  
like signals, each containing little packets of  
information about what he does, what he is doing,  
and what he is going to do. Is he aware of 
this? He may say that he doubts it but people who know  
him must be really shocked by his level of intuition.  
How can someone be so intuitive if he does not have 
some special abilities related to the 'psychic' fields?  
	He may also have his own dreams and wishes  
and sometimes they turn against him. This kind of  
'feed-back' is stronger if the fulfilment of his  
dreams is delayed. In fact they are not delayed  
but, because of his native dysfunction, his dreams  
come literally “to life” in other locations.  
	In fact, all his life must be a mess. How  
can someone live like this? Maybe to interfere in 
other people's lives and create the same disasters  
there… 
	Let's take the case of a very sensitive  
person also living in a normal country, a normal  
town, family and so on… for example, Romania.  
And let's take the most dangerous scenario, perhaps 
this person is someone of the opposite sex!  
	She represents a typical example of a victim.  
It is enough for The Dream Maker to focus on a certain  
wish, a sexual one, for instance…
	Of course, the victim is not aware that she  
is under attack by The Dream Maker, from the very  
beginning. In fact, this series of regular attacks  
starts in her early childhood. She finds herself  
waking up in the morning with a profound sense  
of sadness, feeling like she is missing someone, she  
doesn't know who. This makes her start arguing with  
the people around her, from the age of 3, upon childish  
matters. Later on she starts doing this on  
political ones because she becomes obsessed with 
changing her country into a better place. (In fact  
she's right.) Afterwards she rejects all profitable  
offers for building a future, for the sake of an ideal love.  
And later on, she starts writing poems dedicated to a men 
she must have met in a previous life, 1000 years ago.  
	What does The Dream Maker do all this time?  
	He is building his social and financial future,  
according to his background, upbringing, education and  
status.  
	Meanwhile, the victim is often attacked  
during the night-time. She dreams of love  
affairs, stories of strange couples who seem to get  
involved, get married and have children, only to her  
own disadvantage. People do not even notice her. Just  
to be contrary, she decides to become an actress.  
	Oh, how everybody will notice her when she  
appears on the screen!  
	The old sexual wish of The Dream Maker  
feeds back to him. His future has grown into  
something quite great but he starts feeling that 
he is not so important. He focuses his dreams of 
movie people, living their mysterious stories, in  
mysterious places. He is fascinated by the stars'  
platinum blond hair and leaves London for a better  
paid future, in an exotic world bank...  
	Not too content in her acting career, the  
victim bleaches her natural hair, thinking that  
blondes have more fun. The Dream Maker starts  
visiting her during the night-time, more and more  
often. The victim starts to confuse other men  
with him, during the day. It is her turn to create  
a mess in other people's lives. She gets used to  
the idea that a divorce is something that must  
follow a wedding quite soon and tries it twice.  
	The Hong Kong bankers have no reason to  
blame their accountant for a double identity. Yet  
his wife suspects him of a double life.  
	The victim starts fighting a dark haired  
woman in her dreams, every night. The woman is  
wearing her clothes and stealing both her man and  
her future. Again just to be contrary, she concludes  
her poetry series with lyrics such as these: 'I met  
my love again in the end and we'll be together for ever!'…  
	Paradoxically, at the same time, she is also  
concluding her second divorce.  
	The Dream Maker keeps maintaining his role in 
society with great skill and is highly appreciated  
by his business partners. His wife calls him on  
phone every night, insisting that he performs his family  
duties and comes home. The Dream Maker decides  
it is not time for that yet. So, instead of  
taking the plane back to London, he keeps making  
trips to the scene of his crime.  
	Taking into account the mean-time zone  
difference, the victim starts dreaming about him  
during the day. It happens to her when she's  
driving her car, when she's at an audition for  
a part and even when she has to say 'yes' to  
another man who proposes. The victim  
starts crying, apparently for no reason and  
people believe that she is becoming mad. She starts  
fighting with the image of someone wearing a gold ring  
on his small finger. She is exhausted and obsessively  
asks: "what do you want from me?... Why don't you  
let me settle down again?...' She starts believing  
that every man wearing a gold ring on his small  
finger might harm her. So she gets into fights  
with many of the important men that she knows. They  
begin threatening her with her moral destruction.  
	The Dream Maker gets bored of all the public places  
in Hong Kong and takes the decision to try something new.  
Yet he is not bored of the exotic world he inhabits so he  
takes advantage of his business mobility and goes to Japan.  
His wife starts to threaten him with divorce.  
	The victim has no other remaining way of earning her  
living and has to go abroad. She's broke and has no time to  
wait for something better. She has to decide quickly and take  
the first offer that comes and thus, she flies to Japan.  
	Please, don't ask me ag… Oh, thanks for your  
understanding! 
	The Dream Maker is bored of the social obligations  
that he has to perform as a cover and the victim is  
bored of her job. It's Sunday night and The Dream  
Maker decides to go out. So does the victim.  
	At this point of the case that fatalistic natural  
factor interferes that prevents every possible crime  
occurring.  
	So, the criminal and his victim choose the  
same place to have fun. Only their modalities differ:  
The Dream Maker prefers Heineken beer, the victim  
prefers disco dancing. She commits illogical acts, 
drinks tequila mixed with B52's, dances the Macarena  
with a group of lesbians and starts bothering every man  
around with a silly question:  
	'Sorry, but have you ever been to Romania?'  
	Turning and turning around to the beat, the  
victim notices the criminal standing at the end of  
the bar. Fortunately, the fatalistic natural  
factor means that The Dream Maker does not notice her 
or her dancing. Otherwise, he would probably run away  
and hide himself in Manila.  
	The feeling of knowing his face from  
somewhere becomes an obsession for the victim. She  
starts losing the rhythm. She psychically  
tortures herself with hesitation for two hours.  
Yet, in the end, the fatalistic natural factor  
interferes again and she approaches him and asks him  
directly: 'Sorry, but have you ever been to Romania?'  
	The Dream Maker panics. He recognises the  
creation of his own dreams and thinks that she has been  
sent to him as some form of divine punishment. So he 
asks her: 'Who are you, a Romanian spy?'  
	Yet the same fatalistic natural factor makes  
the criminal fall into his own trap. He shouldn't have  
imagined his creation so often wearing a tight,  
short dress with shoulder straps. He must get rid of  
traces of his guilt, immediately!  
	He starts to envelope the victim, working with all 
his seductive skills. The victim is hypnotised and  
feels like she is in 7th heaven. Suddenly she changes  
her ring with the gold one upon The Dream Maker's  
small finger, acting without fear. This is what The  
Dream Maker has waited for, a signal to commence his 
attack.  
	He asks: 'If I were to ask you to come to my  
hotel, what would you say?'  
	She says 'no', because, like any other educated  
human being, she is used to pretence in such matters.  
The Dream Maker is aware that pushing things too hard  
is unwise. Besides, early in the morning he has to catch a  
flight back to Hong Kong. He changes the rings back, writes  
down his telephone number on a tissue paper and says:  
	'I'll be back in a couple of weeks. Call me,  
I'll do the rest...'  
	The victims thinks that the rest means  
visiting Disneyland, Chinatown and other similar  
traditional Japanese places that she has not had  
the chance to see. So she calls him.  
	But they do not go to these marvellous  
places. The taxi drivers in Tokyo don't understand  
English and the criminal takes advantage of this.  
So that the only place they can visit together is a  
wonderful Japanese garden that destiny arranges to  
be the very garden of the hotel that he is staying  
in. She has the feeling that she has seen this garden,  
before. That is why, when he invites her to visit  
the lobby, the shops, the restaurants inside them,  
the elevator, the bar on the top floor, and so on,  
she doesn't say 'no' any more.  
	The victim is, finally, in the criminal's  
hotel-room. A signal of alarm starts to disturb  
her interior peace. She is still asking herself 
'what am I doing here?' when she discovers  
that The Dream Maker is a great lover... and keeps  
discovering that fact for a couple of nights.  
	The Dream Maker knows that the texture and 
traces of his guilt are growing, yet he becomes  
curious to know his creation even better.  
	He invites her to a restaurant and asks  
her about her family, her career and hobbies.  
The victim finds nothing else better to do  
than speak about her poetry and even recites a  
fragment for him: 'Now I know that between you and  
me lies a distance of 1000 years. You just don't  
say anything, just let the people think that I'm  
not aware of this, that I'm acting… for money.'  
	The Dream Maker is absolutely astonished.  
Does she know something or not? He wants to be  
sure. In fact, he's falling into his own trap more  
and more. He takes the victim back to his hotel  
and continues being a great lover.  
	Suddenly the victim finds out that reality  
is the same as the vision she had had at the end of  
her poetry series. She feels like she wants to be  
an actress no more. Paradoxically, a strong voice  
inside her keeps repeating: 'This is the movie you  
must be in!... This is the movie you must be  
in!... '  
	Dream, reality, art, meet and connect for the  
rest of the night. The criminal reaches the conclusion  
that the victim has been sent to him as an angel, for  
his salvation. He feels guilt no more for his crimes.  
The victim is not sure yet if she has been sent by  
someone or sent only herself. Now she is aware of  
her position as a victim but wishes that this state  
of affairs could last for ever.  
	Fortunately for criminal justice, but  
unfortunately for them, The Dreams Maker's family  
makes plans to visit him in Hong Kong very soon.  
At the same time, the victim's visa for Japan  
expires. They both take planes in different  
directions.  
	The victim is back home now, with a very  
bad cold. Although she's been so close to The  
Dream Maker, she still can't remember his face.  
The criminal doesn't keep his promise and doesn't  
call her at all. He is too busy with family  
matters to bother her in her dreams again.  
That's why, for a while, she dreams nothing. She's  
not used to that. So in desperation, she turns to her  
past and to her poems. She keeps passing through them  
in her mind for a while. Until one day, she has a  
revelation and remembers the criminal's face!  
	He has been the one passing by so indifferently,  
in her dreams, all her life! He has been the one with  
the ring in her visions! He has been the one in her poems,  
the one she’s kept missing for 1000 years! She is so 
revolted that she keeps remembering even more. 1000 years 
ago, he left her to fight with barbarians and was unbearably 
late. She kept waiting for him on a shore, until she caught 
a very bad cold and died!  
	That was an unbearable mistake to make because he  
turned back later and found no one to marry him for  
the rest of his life. We refer to that life.  
	She starts to cry, with huge sobs, thinking of her  
great and ancient mistake, all the while completely  
forgetting about his. She keeps asking herself: 'Now that  
I have found him what shall I do? Go on with him or  
continue this life? But this is not a life!'  
	The Dream Maker's family leaves Hong Kong.  
So he finds time to continue his trips to his  
victim, through her dreams and her visions,  
by night and by day. The victim is so happy to  
see him again that she forgets completely that she  
is still unemployed. She asks him what to do to  
repair the past. He says that the telephone has  
been invented in the last thousand years and   
is a quite good means to repair a mistake. Only  
he can't use his because it is barred from making  
international calls. If she can get an e-mail  
connection there could be hope for the future.  
She follows his advice. She doesn't want to be  
killed by a cold again.  
	That is why all her acquaintances from  
Romania have never seen her again. They still  
think that she is in Japan, making money and are  
envious because of it. In fact the victim is lost  
in V.R. She realises that writing is her greatest 
vocation, staying at home and writing daily,  
never ending love letters. The more answers that 
she gets, the more her cold disappears.  
	The Dream Maker delays a solution for his  
private life. He is very touched by the never  
ending love letters. He is building new  
unbelievable dreams and yet, he is still thinking: 
'Oh, no, she is just a heart-breaker… this is too  
good to be true!…'  
	 
 
Anyhow, this still remains only a supposition  
about who The Dream Maker may be and what he can  
do.  
 
 
January 13, 1999 
 
 
 
			TOMMY 
 
Her bedroom, a normal light-coloured teen-agers' bedroom.  
Only on the dressing table, two antiques. A big 100 years 
old mirror and a vase (same age).
	Usually the vase is empty. It was only once  
filled with flowers by her father, the time when she  
came back from Japan. Now, sometimes, by chance, a  
small item of underwear that she tosses away when  
she goes to bed, falls into it. So, the vase is not  
so important… 
	Much more important is the mirror. Square  
and so strange… like a crystal door! 
	Add to this a whole French perfume  
collection. Nothing else is on the dressing table  
besides this. Except… two American perfumes. These  
are her dolls. (She is still very good at playing  
with dolls.) 
	Her favourite doll is the only one men’s perfume  
on the table. TOMMY. (Tommy Hilfiger.) 
	She bought him a girl-friend on the plane, coming 
back from Japan, TOMMY GIRL. Tommy Girl is not so great. 
Fit much more for sportswear. 
	Sometimes she carries Tommy Girl out with her to 
parties, or clubs, or discos. She's wearing sportswear much 
more lately. 
	TOMMY and his girl-friend stay close together on her  
dressing table. 
	Although she touches Tommy Girl quite often,  
she's afraid to touch TOMMY. Not because his girl- 
friend would be jealous, oh no! She is simply  
afraid of its past. (Where it came from, who  
touched it and who smelt of it.) TOMMY is not aware of that.  
It just stands there and waits to be touched, opened, smelled…  
	It's quite tempting, you know… 
	It happened yesterday. She couldn't help it.  
She came out from town, threw her clothes off   
and before getting dressed with her favourite  
sleeping T-shirt…  Thought: “What if?…” They would do great  
together - “T-shirt and TOMMY. Coming from the same  
place, touched before by the same hands…” 
	She did it quickly. Sprayed once the T-shirt  
and put TOMMY back in his box. 
	Imagine the rest yourself… 
 
			* 
 
Well, I think you've imagined enough. Shame on  
you!… 
 
 
January 14, 1999 

 
 
 
	THE INTERVIEW AUNT STELLA GAVE TO WOODY  
ALLEN TO RUIN THE STORY OF MY LIFE BUT SHE COULDN'T 
 
 
F:   …Aunt Stella, will you, please, finish  
with all this nonsense about my being aware or not? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   You started, first. You’ve been  
saying that to Mr. Woody Allen since he entered the  
house! Didn't I tell you not to speak about it in  
front of others because they'll think you're  
mad? If only your family knows this, all right, our  
family knows how to keep a secret… but the rest? The  
rest will laugh at you. People… 
 
F:   I don't care about any people…! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I invite you not to yell at  
me, because I'll kick your face… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   All right, all right!… 
 
F:   Oh, Mr. Woody Allen, you're still  
here?… I was not aware of that!… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Well, you see, Mister says  
I'm right. Am I not? Mr. Allen, we've always lived  
in peace with the neighbours. You should mention  
this fact. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Of course. 
 
DOG:   Waw! 
 
F:   Mr. Woody Allen, I think we can  
continue. No one will interrupt us from now on.  
Aunt Stella, would you? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   God forbid! Me? I'll just sit  
here and listen. 
 
F:   I already told you about my childhood.  
Any special questions? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   What did you tell him? 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, I was speaking to Mr.  
Allen, not to you. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I know, I know but isn't it  
necessary for me to know? I am family and I'm  
concerned about my image. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Aunt Stella, you can be sure  
that… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   …That she called us all  
crazy! Now, this is what you SHOULD put on paper  
if you still want to live. It's true that her  
mother was a little bit… you know, before she died  
but that happened to her because she was too much  
aware about what was happening… (This you won't  
put on paper, it's dangerous!... Government  
matters, sssst!…) This girl will never have the  
chance to go crazy, she's just too stupid! (Now,  
this you can write.) And besides, she's not even  
thinking about her father! He worked so hard all  
his life for his public image and has succeeded to  
such a degree!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   That you don't know whether  
you speak to him or to his public image! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Now, you see, you see, I was  
sure she told you that! 
 
F:   No, I didn't!  
 
AUNT STELLA:   That you mustn't write!  
 
WOODY ALLEN: But what should I write? 
 
F:   A… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   That she was meant to be The  
First Lady! With all her qualities, all her  
education, all the investments her parents made…  
but she was too stupid… 
 
F:  No, I was not stupid! I was not aware of  
that! We lacked communication! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   What communication? When you  
were a baby, you looked intelligent, why would  
we talk to you about obvious matters?  
 
WOODY ALLEN: Like what? 
 
F:   A… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Like morality, of course! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Aha. 
 
F:   AUNT STELLA! WOULD YOU MIND BRINGING  
ANOTHER GLASS OF WATER TO MR. ALLEN? Maybe  
cook for him… A WHOLE TRADITIONAL ROMANIAN DINNER?… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Not a problem with me, I can  
speak from the kitchen just as well.  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Pst, Miss F!… How did you  
decide to become an actress? Whisper the answer  
into my ear… Ssst… 
 
F:   Pst, Mr. Woody Allen!… I didn't like my  
life too much. Sssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   WHY? 
 
F:   BECAUSE YOU KEPT TELLING ME I WAS FAT!!! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Pst, Miss F!… I think this  
consideration must have fallen onto your soul like  
a granite rock. Ssst… 
 
F:   Pst, Mr. Woody Allen… Indeed.   Ssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Any decent woman must have a  
reason to stay clear of men before marriage. 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, go back to the kitchen! 
 
AUNT STELLA: I go, I go… NOW I'M IN THE  
KITCHEN! 
 
F:   Pst, Mr. Allen…That's why I always had  
the feeling men would influence my life in a  
negative way… I felt somehow guilty… Ssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   RUBBISH! SHE MISSED HER  
CHANCES! SHE HAD HER FIRST EXPERIENCE AS THE FIRST  
LADY WHEN SHE WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT SHE WAS  
NOT AWARE OF THAT! 
 
F:   OF COURSE I WAS NOT AWARE OF THAT! THAT  
BOY-FRIEND OF MINE DID NOT EVEN BECOME A CANDIDATE 
FOR THE PRESIDENCY UNTIL 12 YEARS AFTER, WHEN HE 
WAS ALREADY MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE!.. TO MY BEST FRIEND! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   THAT GIRL KNEW WHAT SHE  
WANTED IN LIFE! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Pst, Miss F!… I heard many  
local leaders and even foreign VIP's… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   SHE BEGAN TO GET INVOLVED  
WITH ALL KIND OF TRAMPS!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   That's how you met…  
 
F:   … Yes, The Real President of  
Romania…Pst, don't listen to my aunt, she's a liar,  
I was chased by my destiny but I was not aware of  
that!… Ssss… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Aha… psst…  
 
AUNT STELLA:   SO NO MONEY, NO CAREER, NO FAME! 
 
WOODY ALLEN: Yeah… the whole City was  
shocked by the story… 
 
F:   AND NO MORAL OR FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM  
MY FAMILY! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   NOW SHE'S A LIAR! What about  
your father's weekly preach? 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, go back into the kitchen! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I will, but not before I've  
said what I have to say! Mr. Allen, you mustn't  
think she was so desperate and lonely. We allowed  
her to have her own dog, so she could take him out  
twice a day. 
 
F:   THAT'S WHY I PUT BLEACH ON MY NATURAL  
HAIR!… As a sign of protest… ssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA: EEEH!   
 
WOODY ALLEN:   So you really lived like  
someone ordinary… sst… 
 
F:   … Pst!… and when you live like someone  
ordinary, you forget who you are. Fortunately, I  
was not aware of that… sst… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   …Tsss!… Brilliant I must say! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   WHEN SHE SAYS SOMETHING  
BRILLIANT SHE'S NOT AWARE OF WHAT SHE'S SAYING! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   That's why you went to Japan…sst… 
 
F:   Mh… psst… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Why Japan?… s… 
 
AUNT STELLA:    You don't have to whisper anymore,  
the dinner is ready. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Oh, my God, in fact why have  
we been whispering? I mean she's been hearing  
everything, all this time! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Yes.  
 
F:   Oh, we've been whispering? I was not  
aware of that!… Aunt Stella, won't you be so kind as  
to prepare the breakfast for tomorrow morning as well? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   No. Let me tell you why  
Japan. Because… Her friends were all reasonable  
married persons, how do you suppose they would have  
opened their doors for someone so platinum blond  
haired and single? She pretended no one around here  
understood her, that’s why she left! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Yes but still that's not an  
answer to my question. Why Japan? I mean she could  
go to some other places, nearer… Moscow, for  
example… 
 
F:   Oh, I could? I was not aware of that! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   … 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Japan, Japan, why Japan?…  
Because! Do you think someone in Moscow would have  
employed her? They are too close to Romania. 
 
F:   I could get married! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F, didn't you hear what  
Aunt Stella said? Moscow is too close to Romania.  
Great sausages, Aunt Stella, I think you're right…  
This is a matter not even Miss F's most important  
biographer could solve. 
 
AUNT STELLA:    What, the sausages? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:    No, why Japan… although a  
symposium was held in Alabama, last year, under the  
title: "Truth and Romance in The First Lady's Life"… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   No kidding?… 
 
F:   Sorry, Mr. Allen… Who is my greatest  
biographer? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Sandra Brown. 
 
F:   Oh, she is? I was not aware of that! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   You know what, Miss. F! You are 
starting to get on my nerves. You're aware of nothing! 
 
DOG:   WAW! waw!  
 
WOODY ALLEN: Right!… In fact, Miss. F, what  
did you do in Japan? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Yes, what did you do? 
 
F:   Well, I meditated. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   No kidding! In Tokyo? 
 
F:   Not only. I've also been to the temple  
of Narita. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   So it's true! The same  
important biographer asserts that visiting the  
temple of Narita, you inhaled some stuff that  
produced contact with the spirit of Buddha and  
that is why everything you did on that Tokyo night,  
was not a product of your upbringing.  
 
AUNT STELLA:   I'm sure about that! 
 
F:   Yes, maybe!.. But I was no…  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F, if  you're gonna say  
again 'but I was not aware of that'  
I'll…!!!%%@!!%$*^% 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Calm down, Mr. Woody Allen,  
you must get used to this. Take some cabbage. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Thank you… Miss F, try to get  
it into your head that something much more powerful  
than your will was active on that late August night in 
Tokyo, when you met The Real President of Asia! 
 
F:   Well, maybe… it was  immediately after  
my birthday. Ten days, in fact. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Thank God she repeated that  
sentence no more! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Oh, she didn't? I was not  
aware of that!… Oh, my God…  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   The cabbage is delicious,  
Aunt Stella. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   You're welcome. Let me tell  
you exactly what happened to her when she went to  
that… place. Oh, I feel disgusted! She danced!… She  
drank!… She said 'hello' to everybody who was  
smiling at her, and because men began 
to stare at her and to gather around… 
 
F:   Oh, I had a very familiar feeling, like  
being back home… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   At least, have you been aware  
of that? 
 
F:   YEEEEEESSS! 
  
AUNT STELLA:   She really felt well! Oh,  
it's disgusting!.. That's why she began to bother  
everybody with that silly question: "Sorry, but have  
you ever been to Romania?"  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   And of course, no one had. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   How do you know? Romania is  
a country with beautiful natural resources and a  
competent Government as well!… 
 
F:   But Aunt Stella, how do you know such things? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   The Government states it and  
I trust the Government! 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, I was speaking about much  
more serious matters, the way I met the love of  
my life!… 
 
DOG:   Snorr… snorrr… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Oh! About that? I heard you  
talking with that psychologist lady, or lawyer  
lady, I don't care which of them, when she came  
here yesterday, for 1 cup of coffee, and drank 5!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   I think she lacked good  
family advice on that night.  
 
F:   Not quite. A black female voice on the  
tape was singing: "Just do what you wanna do", so  
I did it!… Really, she was singing so loud, I  
couldn't help it. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Oh, I think no one will ever  
know, it was due to the spirit of Buddha, it was  
due to that stimulating refrain or simply destiny,  
but I think that when he turned to look up  
into your eyes… and then… down to your body…  
something happened…  
 
AUNT STELLA:    Yes, he called her a SPY!…  
What would the Government say about this? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Taking into account  that she  
was so many miles away from her father, that must  
have been the first moment in her life that she  
really did what she wanted. I hope that  
the Government will make an allowance for it. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   The man must have read the 
sort of cheap denigrating literature spread I  
suppose by some kind of sick Hungarian minds all  
across The Western World,  in order to create a wrong  
image about the innocent Romanian people!  
 
DOG:   Snorr… snorrr… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I don't like him at all!!!… 
 
F:   Well, I do! He was the most honest man  
I ever met! He told me even that his wonderful blue  
mysterious eyes were green in fact! Some other men  
in his place would have let me believe that their  
eyes were blue, for the rest of my life! And if you  
really want to know, after he called me a spy, he  
asked me to dance! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   And you did? With a beer drinker?!!! 
 
F:   Yeeeeees… I understood that the bottle  
of beer was a replacement for some answer he had never  
found in his own life. He hated his name, his job and  
something else very important that he kept hesitating  
to speak about…  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   His wife? 
 
AUNT STELLA: Oh, my God! So he's also  
married!…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 
F:   Yes, but when the music stopped, he  
told me 'I love you'.  I began to shiver into his  
arms… 
 
DOG:    Snorr… pfoooooooo!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   And? And?…  
 
DOG:   Pfooooo… _*&^_#@#… >>… !… 
 
F:   And he asked me: 'Are you someone who  
gives her telephone number to everybody?'  
"NO! Someone as sexy as I must be very selective  
with people", I said, "otherwise she gets into trouble!"  
and I began to shiver stronger and stronger. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Couldn't that also be a  
symptom of lack of minerals? 
 
F:   Who cares about lack of minerals in such  
matters?  He felt I was an honest person too and  
someone so… vulnerable!... In fact, he was the  
first who ever noticed it!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:    Snorrr… 
 
F:   Hey, Mr. Woody Allen!… He told me 'I  
will protect you' but maybe he was not aware of  
what he was saying. What do you think? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:    He invited you to his  
hotel?… snorrr… 
 
F:   Yessss… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Than he must have been aware…  
snorrr… 
 
F:   Well, that's what I figured, too… I  
felt he was exactly the one I needed…  
for sure!… 
 
DOG & WOODY ALLEN:   Snorrr…  
phooooooooooooo…! 
 
F:   But don't think I accepted an offer to go to his  
hotel that first time!… No!… That night I said 'NO'! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   The image of your father must  
have suddenly appeared in front of your eyes… By  
the way… where is that charming and the wonderful  
cook, Aunt Stella?!?… 
 
F:   Oh, under the table! She fainted when she heard  
that The Real President of Asia had a wife!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN: AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA!……………. 
 
F: AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAA 
AAAAA!>>>>>>>> 
 
DOG: WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 
aaa……….! 
 
 
			 * 
 
 
She woke up yelling:  
	'AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAH…!!!…' 
	The telephone had been ringing for a couple  
of minutes and still did. Of course, she was not  
aware of that… 
	She looked all over around to see where  
Woody Allen, the dog and Aunt Stella had  
disappeared to... She noticed only that her favourite  
sleeping T-shirt from Tokyo was wet like… Oh, my  
God!… she said and got down from her bed. 
	She looked into the mirror like a crystal  
door. Oh, my God, what a face!!!… and she quickly  
began to use her hair-brush, her mascara and cheek  
blush.  
	She heard the telephone was ringing like  
crazy… Oh!...  
	She applied some final retouch to her make- 
up and hair-do and sent a kiss to the one in the  
mirror. 
	Well, of course now she could get out of her  
room and answer the phone!… 
 
 
 
January 18, 1999
	 
 
 
 
SORRY MY DARLING BUT I'M TOO FAR TO COOK FOR YOU 
 
 
	'Hi, my darling!' 
	'Oh, my darling!… Oh!… I missed you like  
crazy!' 
	'Oh, darling, you shouldn't have done that…' 
	'I know, I know but I smelled your perfume  
last night… and… you can imagine for yourself the  
rest!………………………………… Hello!… Hello?… Darling?… Are  
you still on the phone?' 
	'Mmh… I mean… Sorry, my darling but did you  
really have a nervous breakdown? You got me  
so concerned… You do appear now to be enjoying  
yourself and have got back to your true nature…' 
	'NO!… darling… the problem still persists…' 
	'But last night?' 
	'…?' 
	'Last night after you smelled my perfume…' 
	'Oh, darling, I had a nightmare!' 
	'You mean… oh, you didn't…?' 
	'…? …Didn't what?' 
	'Never mind… Sorry, I'm stupid.' 
	'Oh, no darling! You are the most  
intelligent man I ever met! 
	'Come on, darling, you're pulling my leg?…' 
	'Never, my darling!… I never met anyone like  
you!… You are the most fascinating man in the  
world! 
	'Come on darling, I'm not so important… Just  
hold on a second, there's someone on the other  
line…' 
	'……………………………………………………………………………………' 
	'Oh, these Asian bankers!… They've been asking  
me for about a week to make time to meet their wives…'  
	'Darling, you know that I love you for who  
you are, not for what you are. When I think about  
you feeling so lonely there in Hong Kong, your job  
the same and the same, your night-life the same and  
the same, your bankers the same and the same, not  
to mention their eternal wives…  
	'Oh, darling, I still have that old thought  
of mine, to become a monk… 
	'Oh, darling, please, don't say this, you're  
breaking my heart!… I think you must be needing so  
many things over there and I'm sitting here like a  
vegetable  and… oh, darling, I feel so guilty…  
OH, I'M SO SORRY MY DARLING THAT I'M TOO  
FAR AWAY TO COOK FOR YOU!!!… Oh-oh-oh!… 
	'COOK FOR ME !?!… Darling, you really must  
be having a nervous breakdown… Is it warm in your  
house?… Please, stop crying!' 
	'Oh, yes, actually it's been so warm that  
when I woke up I had to take off the T-shirt  
from you, it was all wet. I'm wearing nothing right  
now.' 
	'You're tempting me, darling!' 
	'Why?' 
	'Because if I were you I'd go immediately  
and watch myself in a mirror and the nervous  
breakdown would be through.' 
	'Why?' 
	'BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY!… AREN'T YOU  
AWARE OF IT?' 
	'No.' 
	'Well, than take it from a pro. You have a  
great body.' 
	'But I can't do that, darling.' 
	'Why?' 
	'There's something wrong with my mirror. So  
square and so big!.. Like a crystal door… It's an  
antique and sometimes scares me.' 
	'Why, my darling?' 
	'Because it makes me feel like Alice in  
Wonderland!' 
	'…!?!' 
	'What if one day I bend over too much  
when I apply my lipstick and fall into it and… Oh  
God!… You imagine what might happen to me? It's been  
a nightmare since my childhood and I still can't get  
rid of it.' 
	'Come on, my darling, such a thing is  
impossible! The only thing that might happen is to  
cut yourself on it so take care.' 
	'No, darling, the crystal door may melt away  
and the border between reality and dream might never  
exist… That's what's happening in my nightmare and  
my nightmares are always true… By the way, I've  
been dreaming about you all this week.' 
	'Oh, my darling, you shouldn't have done  
that…' 
	'I know, I know but I couldn't have stopped  
it, there were to many people around, even God!' 
	'GOD!?!… Darling, you scare me!' 
	'And it's just the beginning!!! There's  
also been your boss…' 
	'Oh.' 
	'… your wife… 
	'OH?' 
	'… many other people I've never met…' 
	'Hm.' 
	'… my ex boy-friend…' 
	'HM!… HM!' 
	'… my girl-friends…' 
	'Mh.' 
	'… my dog, my aunt Stella and even Woody  
Allen.' 
	'WOODY ALLEN?!?^*$#**..%!!!… What's that  
ugly little bastard hanging around for!?' 
	'I still can't find the meaning of it,  
I've never met him before. Anyhow, it seemed  
he wanted to interview me.' 
	'Interview? About what?' 
	'About us.' 
	'And did you tell him…' 
	'Of course.' 
	'Everything?' 
	'Well, it seemed everybody knew…' 
	'Where from?!' 
	'I think from that employee of yours who saw  
us once having breakfast at 6 p.m. in Roppongi… Oh,  
what am I saying? Oh, it's only been dreams!…' 
	'Oh… Right… It's only dreams!?…Darling, I think… 
	'But this is not all. Other curious  
things happened to me besides this. When I think about  
you I feel like calling you TOMMY and that diary of  
mine… You know, I put down on paper all my dreams,  
the way my psychologist told me…' 
	'Is he a man?' 
	'No, she's a girl.' 
	'Right.' 
	'When I write about myself I refer to me as  
the 'she'. Darling, do you know what I think? I  
still don't believe that what happened between you  
and me was real… I mean… 
	'Of course it was real, darling, it still  
is…' 
	'Yes but for how long?' 
	'What do you mean?…' 
	'For example, my dream last night. You  
were not in it. We only spoke about you.' 
	'Who?' 
	'Aunt Stella, my dog, Woody Allen and me.' 
	'So you spoke to Woody Allen when I was  
away… You've been really naughty, you know?' 
	'Stop joking, darling… I felt so abandoned  
after the dream… oh…' 
	'Why abandoned?' 
	'Just because you were missing and my  
nightmares are always true...' 
	'Of course I was missing, I'm in Hong Kong,  
I can't be in two places at the same time!…' 
	'Oh, yes, you can… You don't know how you  
can…' 
	'… Really?………………………………………………………………………………' 
	'………………………………………………………………………………………….' 
	'………………………………………………………………………………………….' 
	'Darling?…' 
	'… Hm?…' 
	'Are you still there?…' 
	'… Oh, sorry, I was dreaming myself a little  
bit…' 
	'You know it's true, my twin spirit… We've  
meant to be with each other for 1000 years.… But I just  
couldn't wait long enough for you then and I died…  
Remember?…You cried so hard for me…' 
	'I did?…' 
	'Are you still dreaming?…' 
	'… I do… Are you still wearing nothing on  
you?…' 
	'… Yeess…' 
	'… Where are you now?…' 
	'… In an armchair… Big!… Darling, now I  
really feel so protected… The 1000 year old story…  
it explains everything… Why we understood each  
other so well, why we really found the path to  
ourselves… Remember when I told you I felt like  
melting into you with my soul and my body?…' 
	'Right…' 
	'It was true.' 
	'… True?… No more dreaming?…' 
	'… Stop joking!… My dream maker… Do you have  
time?…' 
	'… Yes … my dream…' 
	'… No one will come onto the other line?…' 
	'… No…' 
	'… And no one will burst into your office?…' 
	'… No?' 
	'… Not even your secretary?… 
	'… No…' 
	'… It seems you really have time for  
dreaming. How's that?…' 
	'… I can afford it. It's lunch break.' 
	'OH DARLING, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME! I'M  
SURE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN EATING ALL DAY AND WITH ALL  
THE STRESS YOU ARE UNDER… I KNOW HOW YOU NEGLECT  
YOURSELF AND THIS NEGLIGENCE MIGHT LEAD TO SOME  
SORT OF SERIOUS STOMACH DISEASE!…' 
	'Darling, can't we imagine you already  
prepared lunch for me and continue dreaming?' 
	'OH NO! THIS IS A VERY, VERY SERIOUS MATTER,  
I DON'T WANT TO BRING DREAMS INTO IT!' 
	'Oh………………………………………………' 
	'Darling?… Something happened to you?' 
	'… No… I was just thinking…' 
	'About what, darling?' 
	'You know, the way you twist the words, this  
gift of yours…' 
	'What do you mean, darling?' 
	'Well, I was just thinking you can get married  
with anyone you want…' 
	'Darling, you know it's not true…  
	'You seem to be loving only yourself… you  
never think about others…' 
	'Darling!… I'm not a heart-breaker!…' 
	'Oh, no, you are… The way you lift up a man  
to heaven and than you knock him down on the  
ground, telling him about… COOKING!… I'm sorry  
darling but you are the last woman in the world I  
can imagine in such a position!…  
	'Why darling? You've always been competitive  
at imagining things… You just said before that… 
	'Oh no… NO! … What a crazy idea… to COOK FOR  
ME!… Or do you simply lack imagination yourself  
lately? I could have never believed it!…' 
	'YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND I JUST WANT TO  
BE USEFUL TO YOU, TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?… OH, BUT  
IT SEEMS I'M GOOD FOR NOTHING… NO ONE NEEDS ME!…  
OOOH-Oh-oh!!!…' 
	'… Sorry, my darling, I think you're really  
having a nervous breakdown…' 
	'… Yyyyyeeess…' 
	'… Have you been out lately?' 
	'Oh no, on average only 22-23 times a month…' 
	'Oh!… Why's that!?…' 
	'I still have that cold.' 
	'… Of course, darling, you don't take care  
of yourself… Go and put something on…' 
	'It's not that. You know I started to get  
chilly when we told each other good-bye at the  
airport… My psychologist calls it "psychic frost"…' 
	'Your psychologist seems a very responsible  
person indeed….' 
	'Oh yes, she's in the same situation as I…' 
	'Pardon?…' 
	'I mean she has a similar love affair with a  
similar married similar man in France…' 
	'Oh she has?…' 
	'It just happened…' 
	'Similarly… I might say…' 
	'Yes…' 
	'And I also have a lawyer friend (a girl)  
who has a similar love affair with a similar  
married similar man in Germany.' 
	'… It seems the world is turning upside- 
down… Is no one able to stop all this?…' 
	'… No… As long as e-mail exists on  
the planet…' 
	'Oh!… By the way, darling… that's why I  
called you…' 
	'Oh!?… You… CALLED ME?!… (sorry darling I've  
not been aware of that!)… How's that… YOU CALLED  
ME?!?… DIDN'T YOU SAY YOUR TELEPHONE WAS BARRED FOR  
MAKING INTERNATIONAL CALLS???… 
	'Oh, it was… actually it still is. But I've  
just been reading an article about a Romanian soft  
engineer… you know what happened to the poor man?…' 
	'Oh, I know… I know… he's the one who  
installed my computer…' 
	'… Oh…' 
	'My psychologist wrote the article.' 
	'Oh, she did?… If I'd known that I would have  
read the article until the end…' 
	'Oh darling, you should have… I mean it has  
a very interesting professional conclusion.' 
	'Well, than I'll read it.' 
	'Please do.' 
	'Anyhow, darling, take my advice and never  
use the computer again, not even the e-mail! We'll  
find another way to communicate…  Ah! and see  
your psychologist immediately. Maybe she  
can help you somehow…' 
	'Darling, you sound so protective when you  
tell me what to do…' 
	'Right. Don't be naughty!' 
	'I'll do my best, I love you.' 
	'I love you, too.'  
 
		 
		 	 * 
 
 
She rang for centuries on the psychologist  
lady's door. She was just on the point of leaving  
when the psychologist opened it, with her eyes  
red and her nose in a handkerchief.  
	'Sweetie, you have a cold!' 
	'NO! I just e-mailed my boy-friend back in  
Paris to tell him I cannot survive the situatio-oh- 
oh-oh-oh-oh-n!…' 
	'But what happened?' 
	'Well, he said he'll be in Bucharest this  
month but he'll stay only 4 days and I waited for  
him 4 mo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-nths!…' 
	'Aha! But why do you cry?… That means he  
rewards you with a day of love for one month of  
waiting! Taking into account the distance to  
Hong Kong I think my boy-friend's reward will be  
estimated at a  rate of 1 month of waiting to 1 minute  
of love. I envy you…' 
	'Oh! You're stupid!' 
	'Really? I was told that before in my dreams… Anyhow  
I total about 4 minutes by now…' 
	'And are you pleased with that? When he'll  
come, IF HE'LL COME, he'll have so many business  
appointments, like my boy-friend that he won't have  
any time to spend with you on the phone from Bucharest,  
not even as much as he spends with you from Hong  
Ko-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ng!…' 
	'Do you really think that?… I mean… is this  
your psychological approach?' 
	'Why do you think they are on the point of 
being divorced by their wives?' 
	'Because it's their destiny to marry us!' 
	'That's po-oh-oh-etry!' 
	'Oh…' 
	'Anyhow, I'm not going to depend anymore on  
his paternal attitude, I don't need to be told  
every day 'kissy, kissy, good-night', to be treated  
like a child who sits where she's told, if he  
really was a man, he wouldn't have needed to keep  
fathering me on e-mail while he kept being THE  
OBEDIENT SON OF HIS OWN WIFE… IN PARIS!… Oh-oh-oh- 
oh-oh…' 
	'Do you think this might also apply to…  
London?' 
	'I bet it does!… To London, to Frankfurt, to  
Madrid, to Lisbon… TO THE WHOLE PLANET!!!…' 
	'Oh my God!…' 
	'…………….' 
	'But don't you think a legal approach to  
this matter will do, if the psychological and the  
poetic ones don't?… Let's speak to our friend!…' 
	'Useless… She's gone, she must be in Germany  
by now…' 
	'SHE GOT MARRIED!!!…' 
	'NO!…' 
	'…?!' 
	'She found out her boy-friend had been involved  
for many years with his best-friend's wife, who twisted 
his mind to marry him off with her sister, who was not 
so seductive, and to put her dirty hands on his money!…
AND HER HUSBAND KNEW ALL ABOUT IT!!…' 
	'Oh-my-God-I-don't-understand-a-thing. This- 
must-really-be-a-drama!…' 
	'Ohooo!…' 
	'But what is our friend doing mixed up in  
this mess?' 
	'She was invited by her boy-friend's wife  
who wanted to apologise for blaming her 3 months  
ago for destroying their marriage…' 
	'OH-MY-GOD!…' 
	'…and to hire her as counsel for the defence  
in her divorce trial!…' 
	'DON'T TELL ME SHE'LL ACCEPT!!!…' 
	'OF COURSE SHE WILL BECAUSE HER BOY FRIEND  
DOESN'T WANT A DIVORCE!!!' 
	'WHY???' 
	'BECAUSE A DIVORCE WILL MAKE HIM LOSE ALL  
HIS MONEY!…' 
	'… Why does it sound familiar to me?…' 
	'So honey, you must accept that in our  
situation the danger doesn't necessarily come from  
their wives, it comes FROM THE EVIL IN THEM!…' 
	'… Ooh?..' 
	'Ooooh!' 
	'… So… than… let's fight… THE BEAST!…' 
	'Give me a break… I'm sick of it…' 
	'… Oh, I'm so-o-oh sorry…' 
	'Never mind… I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you…  
Why did you came?' 
	'For some therapy. It's an emergency… My  
boy-friend said it would…' 
	'OH! HOW NICE OF HIM! SO PROTECTIVE!..' 
	'Isn't it?'  
	'… !… All right… Although I think this kind  
of therapy will never have the chance to work on  
you, I'll send you to someone else if you say it's  
an emergency… Sorry, I'm not in the best mood… and  
I don't want to make your boy-friend cry.' 
	'No! I can come some other time!' 
	'No, sorry, I know you seriously need it  
right now. I'll call a professor of mine who just  
moved to somewhere in the neighbourhood. He's   
very reliable and I'm sure he'll see you  
immediately.' 
 
 
				* 
 
 
She was very excited to hear what a professor of  
psychology would think about her poetic approach to  
existence. She was still arranging her curls when  
he opened the door. The professor LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE…  
 
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODY ALLEN !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!…  
!!!… !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!…  
  
She stumbled over the threshold, fell down  
and broke her leg. 


January 24, 1999

 
 



		WHY JAPAN?…

The professor in psychology felt so guilty 
for looking exactly like Woody Allen that he 
immediately needed therapy for himself. He went to 
his ex-student for this. He's still there. 
The old ladies living in the same building 
all agreed that the psychologist young lady should 
have got married first... So they demanded that the 
building administrator double her maintenance 
fees. 
	Meanwhile the young psychologist lady was 
concerned about her telephone bill. The professor 
could not be stopped ordering flowers by phone all 
the time. He was sending the flowers with his 
excuses to that innocent human being who was lying 
with a gypsum on her leg because of his look. He 
also felt so ashamed that he was sending them 
anonymously.
	The innocent human being was in bed, with 
her broken leg on four pillows. She felt very 
happy. She thought that the flowers were from her 
lover in Hong Kong who couldn't get in touch with 
her otherwise. "Oh, darling, you didn't forget that 
I love the white roses so much…" she was saying, 
kissing the roses one by one.
	She also heard from a neighbour about an old 
superstition. Whoever fell down in January was 
supposed to get married that year. Considering her 
serious fracture, the neighbour congratulated her 
upon the great match she was supposed to make.
	Meanwhile the country was shaken violently 
by the terrifying miners' syndic movement. 
Ministers were demotted and replaced one after 
another. 
	Her diary was more and more optimistic. Her 
cold completely passed. 
	The President was almost on the point of 
declaring the state of emergency when she felt she 
couldn't bear the situation any longer.
She thought it was the time to open her e-mail, 
to answer her boy-friend's proofs of love. 
So she found no better way to express her feelings 
than sending him her whole updated diary. It 
contained about 248 new pages. She clicked "send" 
and went to sleep very happy.
	A whole battalion of the military police 
force were taken hostage. Not even the retreat of 
the most important Western investors from Romania 
could convince the miners to let the soldiers 
go.
	She was just looking for her lover in a 
stable, among the horses of the military police 
force when someone rang at the door. She got down 
the bed, took her crutch and slowly moved towards 
the door, asking herself what the financial world 
had to do with the horses of the military police.
	Her neighbour was at the door asking  
to borrow $10. The neighbour had kept doing that 
since she had turned back from Japan. She looked so 
confused that the neighbour got really concerned. 
She was not an expert in financial problems but she 
was still the best in the district in making 
predictions, especially in decoding dreams.
	"How did you say the horses looked like?"
	"Black… No!… brown."
	"Girl, you must decide, this is a very 
serious matter!"
	"Almost black."
	"Aha!… Saddled or unsaddled?"
	"Hmmm… Only one of them was saddled!"
	"Aha!… Married man!"
	"Married?!!"
	"Right. Harnessed…?"
	"Yes, yes!…"
	"Married for sure!"
	"Oh…"
	"I insist… Black?"
	"I told you!..."
	"TROUBLE FOLLOWED BY SOMETHING GOOD!"
	Well, of course trouble followed by 
something good! She had fallen in January and now 
she was supposed to get married!…
	She run as quickly as she could and started 
the computer. She had to check her e-mail. The 
folder she had created especially for her lover 
seemed to be full. Yet she couldn't open it for the 
moment. She just wanted to feel the taste of the 
unexpected a little bit more. He was announcing to
her that he and his wife had finally agreed to divorce!… 
	From the moment she would have heard the news, 
another chapter in her life would have started… but 
she just couldn't say good-bye to the current one… 
it all had been so poetic… so… romantic!…
	Finally she did it and found this:

	"I have just got back from my travels so I 
have not had a chance to contact you all these 
weeks.
	Please do not send any more INTERNET 
messages. INTERNET messages particularly large ones 
(file size) are often reviewed for content by a 
separate department in our Institution. As a rule 
the INTERNET should not be used for personal 
purposes only for business. 
	I have been asked about the large message 
you have sent to me the other day.
	I have agreed that I will not receive any 
more personal messages.
	I will call you to explain.
	Sorry about this but our rules are very 
strict on the use of the INTERNET.

             	K."

	She waited for his call all the rest of the 
day. She kept waiting for another couple of weeks.
	The roses kept filling her house so she 
didn't feel this waiting so hard. She only got a 
little bit allergic to the smell of the flowers but 
she didn't care.
	One day she decided to call her friend, the 
psychologist. She noticed how much she had to 
insist because the line was continuously busy. What 
the hell was happening?… Finally a man answered and 
passed her friend on the phone.
	"Oh, did your lover come from Paris? How 
that he learned Romanian so well in such a short 
time?"
	"Oh! Oh! You don't know what's been 
happening to me lately since… Somehow you put me 
into all this trouble…"
	"Trouble? Did you also dream about the 
horses of the military police force ?"
	"What horses?… What military force?… Oh, I 
think I have to come up to explain to you all 
this!… Professor, promise you'll be a good boy and 
order flowers only five times while I'm gone?… 
Thank you… All right, I'm on my way."
	The psychologist explained the whole 
situation to her. 
	She suddenly had the vision of heaven… like 
a huge wedding cake dropped down on her head by a 
stupid waiter. 
	"What do you mean?" she could hardly ask.
	"That the professor sent you the flowers 
not… Oh! I warned you…"
	"So do you think there must be someone else 
also eager to see my lover divorced and marry him… 
in Hong Kong?"
	"It seems the man is quite a match, isn't 
he?…"
	Suddenly the cold turned back to her chest 
and she began to shiver and cough. 
	"In fact his last message was… COLD!… I 
thought it was just for convenience, because he was 
using the e-mail of the Institution… Oh! Oh!…"
	"Come on, don't cry!… What do you mean he's 
using the e-mail of the Institution? Doesn't he 
have one of his own?"
	"Oh, he's like a baby when coming to 
technics and electronics. He hardly knows how to 
use his own phone…"
	"No wonder you are both matched so well…"
	"Please, don't use The Past Tense when 
speaking about our relationship!… Maybe you'd 
better look at his message and tell me what you 
think… if I still have some hope… O-oh-oh-oh-oh-
oh…"
	The psychologist read the message once and 
stated:
	"THIS MAN HAS NO PRIVATE LIFE AT ALL!!!"
	"But he seemed to be such a free human being 
with me!… He also said he didn't take his job very 
seriously!"
	"He was just dreaming. Do you think a man in 
his position can afford to make mistakes?"
	"But if he gets involved with one of the 
women he's working with, isn't that a mistake too?"
	"That's business!"
	"Oh! Now I understand why that man he knew 
and saw us together on our first night, whispered 
that question into my year."
	"Which question?'
	"Is he drunk?"
	"And was he?"
	"Nooo… he's never been drunk with me… he's 
been…HIMSELF!!… I KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!!!…"
	She took all the roses and threw them out of 
the window. Some gypsies were just passing by. They 
looked up and thanked God for such charity, grabbed 
all the flowers and started a very prosperous 
business selling them in front of The University. 
	"No! I feel it, it's been in my dreams, 
it's not only his wife!… I remember that once, or 
twice, or more, in reality, it seemed like all our 
phones, all our letters have been controlled by 
som… HIS SECRETARY?!!!…IS HE THAT KIND OF MAN!?…
	"Or maybe someone else… Someone on a similar 
position or more!…"
 	"OH NO! NO! WHAT AM I TRYING TO DO?… ACCUSE 
SOMEONE ELSE OF MY OWN STUPIDITY?"
	"No, I don't think you're so stupid. All you 
have to do is to get an explanation from him?"
	"Shall I call him if he doesn't want me 
anymore!?… I can't do that! It's not me!"
	"What do you mean he doesn't want you 
anymore? Do you think anyone has the right to hurt 
your feelings just because someone, sometimes is in 
the mood to live a dream? THIS MAN USED YOU! You've 
been his toy!…SILLY IMATURE BASTARDS!…"
	"You're still mad with your boy-friend, 
aren't you?"
	"NO!… I lost even that right!… Would you 
fight someone who lies in his bed with flu for a 
month?…"
	"YES, IF HE CAUGHT IT FROM ANOTHER WOMAN!…"
	Meanwhile The Government agreed that the 
country should be run from under the ground, The 
Prime Minister agreed to bend in front of  the 
miners' leader and the battalion of the military 
police force was sent home. A quiet atmosphere 
installed over the general political background.


			*


That night she slept like a rock on the 
bottom of sea, in spite of those 4 coffees she had 
drank with her friend.
	Her lover passed by and made love to her on 
a big arm-chair. He also promised to take her with 
him to Amsterdam (!?!)… with one condition, to go 
to a doctor and have her face changed!… Such 
insolence!… After he had made love to her!!!!… Then 
he hid himself behind a door to drink his beer 
quietly. A mad group of dark haired women was 
shouting at him. From time to time he opened 
another door, a back one and showed up only for 
her, repeating obsessively: "Darling, there's 
nothing I can do for you… Maybe you try to do 
something!" He was holding his suitcase very tight 
as if someone would have wanted to still it from 
him. Maybe it contained some more bottles of beer. 
She didn't check although her lover passed her the 
suitcase to hold, for security.
	She moved instantly to a modelling agency 
abroad, between tulips!… She was just explaining to 
her father what a great job opportunity she had 
found. She was still doubting if she was supposed 
to tell him the real reason for living his house… 
when those dark haired mad women attacked her with 
their long, Chinese, iron nails!… To take her 
suitcase!… Aaaaaaa! That was unbearable!… she hated 
false nails!…
	She grabbed a sword, God knows how that 
thing appeared so quickly on a chair near her but 
she remembered her fencing lessons from The Acting 
School and turned against those crazy bastards and 
hit them, hit them, hit them… until their nails 
and heads flew away!
	Than she made a telephone call and 
instantly, long white veils began to pour out from 
the monitor of her computer… almost to cover her. 
	So she fell down. She was trying to get up, 
breaking the veils one by one. She was just a step 
away from her computer which she wanted to turn 
off. She had to break one more veil for that. She 
finally did it and from behind that veil suddenly 
appeared HER LOVER!!!…. He was holding (of course!) 
a bottle of beer in his hand and appealed to her 
with that irresistible smile of his. He said: 
"Darling, won't you drink with me?". She drank. He 
was irresistible. Than they both disappeared behind 
the veils, into the computer, walking towards a 
shiny world. Two huge statues representing a couple 
broke the rocky surface of the Earth and came out 
to light. The statue representing the woman was 
holding a big bunch of pink roses in her arms. The 
statue of the man started to move and she 
recognised on the face of that statue, the smile of 
her lover. Now SHE WAS AWARE that the other statue 
was SHE!!! She also started to move, to embrace 
him. The pink roses fell down on the ground and 
covered the Earth.
	She woke up with the feeling that something 
was missing… Aha! Her dream missed a Wagner sound track.
	"Oh, my  God, I'll go crazy!"
	She was not aware of what she was doing 
so she took up the phone and called HIM!
	"Oh, darling, I'm so glad to hear you!…" 
	"Glad, ah!?… Why didn't you call me for so 
long?…"
	"Travelling…"
	"Travelling??? With who?…"
	"Darling, I… "
	"DON'T DARLING ME!!!…"
	"But darling, this doesn't sound like you… 
It sounds like my wife!…"
	"Oh! It does?…I'm glad to hear that… It seems I 
still have a hope!…"
	"What do you mean?…"
	"To turn myself into a normal woman, WITH A NORMAL 
LIFE!!!…"
	"But darling, you'll loose your charm!…"
	"Right! So you choose! Enjoy my charm or enjoy 
collective hysteria for the rest of your life!…"
	"Darling, there are a lot of things that a 
man must take into consideration…" 
	"Like what?…"
	"His duties!…"
	"Which duties?…" 
	"Like…" 
	"Do you want me to come over there to prove you 
it's not like that???…"
	"How can you be so sure!?…"
	"FROM MY DREAMS!…YOU KNOW MY DREAMS NEVER LIE!… I know all 
what you do!… And you still dare to come and make 
love to me!… and tell me to change my face!!!… At 
least you could have told me to cut my hair, IT'S 
LONG NOW!…But this doesn't seem to interest you any 
more!…"
	A long pause filled the air between Hong 
Kong and Bucharest. A commercial about "Choopa-
Choop" filled the screen of the TV at the same 
time.
	"What did you dream about me?… ALL!... And I 
know you won't move to London, you'll move to 
Amsterdam!…"
	(TV commercial pause featuring "Ariel")  
	"That's what you told me when we made love…" 
	"And what else did I tell you?… That you'll 
take me with you…"
	"I did!? It means… But how!?… 
	"Yeees, IF I'LL CHANGE MY FACE!… You know, 
all those shouting women look worse than I do!…"
	"I agree…"
	"OH, YOU AGREE!!!…"
	"No, I just meant you are the most 
beautiful woman I've ever seen…"
	"Oh, my God, my ex-boy friend wanted to come 
back to me, to marry me…"
	"Oh, he did?…"
	"But I said NOOO, NOW I LOVE SOMEONE 
ELSE!… AND NOW YOU ARE LIKE A COUSIN TO ME!… WHAT A 
STUPID!…"
	"Why, darling? Sometimes marriages between 
cousins are allowed…"
	"I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE THE FEELING I'M 
ACTING MY OWN LIFE IN A WOODY ALLEN PRODUCTION!…"
	"But, darling, in Tokyo you've told me 
you had loved that man so much!… When you love a 
man so much, you must go after him!…"
	"I HAD LOVED HIM… UNTIL I MET YOU!!!… 
OH! YOU REALLY WANT TO GET RID OF ME?!!!… DON'T YOU?…"
	(No more commercials.)
	"Darling, you know it's not true…"
	"Then prove it to me!… E-mail me again!…"
	"But darling, that's quite a responsibility, 
I don't like responsibilities. Do you know what a 
collective hysteria that diary of yours produced up 
here? They brought the IT department to open the files!… 
Men thought it was a codified terrorist message while 
women became terrorists themselves!… With me!!!… They 
still are!… I think I should have called you to explain 
at that moment but…"
	"I DON'T CARE, I TOLD YOU I KNOW!"
	"So you don't like responsibilities? A minute 
ago you spoke about DUTIES!…"
	"That's something else!…"
	"Oh, yes? Why not make your duty and… PAY ME 
A TAXI UP TO HONG KONG?…"
	"But how darling, you're East-European, 
you'll need a visa to enter Hong Kong! When you 
get it I might be in Amsterdam!…" 
	"Visa?!… Amsterdam!?…Don't you worry, you just pay 
me the taxi, I'LL DO THE REST!!!… Remember?… Ah! 
One more thing! Tell me, why did I have to come up 
to Japan to meet you? There were hundreds of guys 
like you hanging around my block, even thousands?…" 
	"I don't know, you tell me, you seem to know 
everything…"
	"Oh no! You tell me!… No! You tell me… 
You tell me!…No, you!…"
	Both in the same time: "All right then! Do 
you want to know why?… BECAUSE!!!!" and they both 
hang up.
	She looked at the gyps on her leg and added 
	"Oh, yeees… 'I'll do the rest!'… O-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-
…"

			*


The professor in psychology rang at her door 
with a package in his hand and said: "Will you 
marry me?"
	She ignored the package and said: 
	"Professor, if you take me to the hospital 
immediately to take off my gyps, I'll let you… 
touch my fracture!!!…" 
	The professor in psychology was supposed to 
be appointed as The Minister of Mental Health of 
Romania only 2 years later but she was not aware of 
that. So she never kept her promise about the 
fracture. 
	After the gyps was taken off, she had a 
revelation. Her lover had told her: "WHEN YOU LOVE 
A MAN SO MUCH, YOU MUST GO AFTER HIM!"… 
	She told the professor all her story as if 
had happened to a friend of her. Asked for his 
opinion. 
	The professor said: "Well, of course your 
friend mustn't come back to her ex-lover!… Her 
current one doesn't seem so determined to give up the 
relationship. He is still continuing to play her 
games on the phone. Regarding the dreams, they say 
the truth because his subconscious appeals to her 
help. He is too much involved in a system contrary 
to his nature. So his subconscious will always run 
there where its needs are completely fulfilled. 
Even if the man is still not aware of it, all he 
does is to test your friend's feelings. If a King 
has to give up a Crown, he must know why!…"
King?!… Aha!… That's why he used to call her 
"The Queen of Tokyo"!…
	She kissed the professor and took the first 
taxi she found.
	The professor remained mute and told to an 
old lady waiting for the bus: "You see, she did not 
even look at this package. I bought her a small 
beautiful delicate Japanese tree like her, a 
"bonsai"… (Much better for him she hadn't seen 
it!…)
	The old lady was deaf so the professor 
carried that tree with him ever after and called it 
"F". His secretary said that, when he was a 
Minister, the professor used to keep the tree on 
his desk and often asked it: "Darling, shall I 
order McDonalds for you too?…"


			*


She was on the airport, waiting for her 
plane to her contract. Well, it was not quite for a 
modelling agency but at least it was in Amsterdam 
and it was the best thing she could find to 
convince her King quicker to give up his Crown. On 
her way to the airport, she also bought a book 
about cooking… just for any case…
 

     (To be continued on TV, radio, newspapers 
and Internet. Just watch what will come out of this…)
 



February…, 1999





			BECAUSE…

	Because the new terrestrial era already 
started, I feel it's my duty to bring you the news. 
I was too busy with this book lately and I had no 
time at all to check my newspapers. So, look what I 
found about the new era. I think there must be a 
time misunderstanding hidden somewhere in the 
history… Be sure of that, the year 2000 has nothing 
to do with it… we're still in 1999!…:



	Romania - Bucharest - "The Important Daily 
Event Journal": Yesterday morning, on the airport 
of Bucharest, a normal Arabian young man whispered 
into the ear of a crippled blonde Romanian girl: 
"Ya habibi… Come hotel… Have nice stockings for 
you, miss…" The crippled blonde kicked the Arabian 
on his head, with her stick. The Arabian fainted 
and started to bleed. People gathered instantly 
around him, so no one could see where the crippled 
blonde disappeared. In fact, this is not so 
important. The most important thing is that The 
Government doesn't pay attention to such matters as 
much as it should!… When we, the Romanian people 
will learn to respect our most important foreign 
investors?… We still hope that our crippled 
compatriot was not aware about what she was doing. 
The young Arabian man happens to be the 17-th son 
of the 23-rd nephew of the 232-nd cousin of The 
Sheickh of Baghdad's 14-th brother. Absolutely 
normally, the man promised to take the first plane 
to Amsterdam (?!!), to revenge his honour.



	"Amsterdam Breakfast Journal" -  front page: 
"A platinum blond haired young lady walking with a 
stick and a group of darker haired ladies with 
false nails all met in the duty free perfume shop 
at the airport. They all asked for "TOMMY 
HILFIGER". All their lovers' birthdays were 
supposed to be very soon (on the same day by 
coincidence!). When the platinum blond haired lady 
asked for the product, she also asked for a 
greetings card to be attached to the present. She 
gave her name and her lover's for that purpose. 
Suddenly, a whole collective hysteria started from 
the group of the darker haired ladies. They said: 
"Look, this is the Russian who turned upside down 
the computers network of our Institution!" The 
platinum blond haired one turned to them and said: 
"Wasn't she Romanian, as a matter of fact?" 
"Russian or Romanian it's the same!" answered the 
others, pointing their false nails to her face. 
That seemed to be a very big mistake on their 
part, as the platinum blond haired lady replied: 
"Oh… NOOO!… Romania is something else! Romania is a 
LATIN country with very beautiful natural resources 
and a very competent Government as well!" Than she 
started to kick the darker haired ladies with her 
stick untill they all fainted. When they recovered 
they each took planes in different directions: to 
Hong Kong, to London, to Korea, to the Philippines and 
on a few other airlines. They all left their false nails 
on the field of the battle. The platinum blond 
haired lady was kept by the airport authorities. A 
young Arabian man who happened to enter the shop 
during the fight, also got a stick on his head. He 
hasn't recovered yet."



	"Amsterdam Cocktail Between The Meals 
Journal": "Physicals and organisations all over the 
world warmly congratulate the young Romanian blonde 
for her patriotism."



	Romania - 200 km far away from Bucharest - 
"The Unimportant Daily Event Journal": We've been 
told by foreign news agencies that a blonde 
compatriot of ours became famous all over the world 
for her proofs of patriotism. This is a matter 
still not so important for our newspaper, so we 
kindly appeal to our colleagues abroad to address 
this kind of news to a Romanian newspaper a little 
bit far away from ours. We are much more interested 
in the adventures of a certain Arabian globe-
trotter.



	"Amsterdam Supper News" - (first page, 
obviously):  "A very important English businessman 
wearing sunglasses came from London tonight, with 
an emergency flight. He had heared from BBC about 
the ethnically charged event in Amsterdam airport. 
He offered himself to pay the bail set for the 
platinum blond haired young lady. He said to her: 
"You see, it's not for the money or some other 
reasons you dreamed about, I didn't pay you the 
taxi. I was just concerned about the formalities 
you had to carry on first. Really!" None of the 
officials there understood the meaning of his 
words. They are still thinking about it. The 
mystery was amplified when the businessman's wife 
called immediately after he and the Romanian 
platinum blonde left the airport to an unknown 
destination. His wife said: 'OH!-IT'S-DISGUSTING!-
HOW-CAN-A-MAN-INSIST-ON-GOING-TO-WORK-IN-AMSTERDAM-
IF-HIS-WIFE-SAYS-HE'S-NOT-ALLOWED-TO!!!???… ^%.$# 
@* !!!~2!#*.. ????!!!"



	"Daily London Five O'clock Tea Journal": The 
honourable citizen of London who became famous for 
supporting with his own money the ethnic 
conflict in Amsterdam airport, was congratulated 
by The British Government today, in an
official meeting. On this occasion, he was also 
appointed in a very important diplomatic post at 
Rio de Janeiro. We asked the important businessman 
we are proud to have as a fellow citizen: "What 
do you think about your new post, Sir?" He 
answered: 'Well, I'm glad it's far away from… 
trouble.' The 'trouble' called us later on at the 
editorial office. She was very mad and she refused 
to speak directly to her husband. She kept 
threatening us on the phone for a couple of hours. 
She sayed that she will divorce the honourable 
citizen of London if he doesn't stay home." 



 	"International Laws Tribune" - Thanksgiving 
Edition: "Finally someone is willing to protect the 
rights of Men! A young lawyer lady from Romania 
founded a organisation called 'Revolutionary Style 
Divorce', based on the Romanian law concerning this 
matter. This means that every man is free to 
divorce when he wants, how he wants, without being 
enforced to pay any kind of allowance to his ex-
wife, except the one for their children. Many of 
our colleagues, even married, hurried to propose to 
the leader of the new organisation."



	Sandra Brown -"The Passionate Love Volumes 
no. 146, 147…………          .285": "He brought her a 
laptop as birthday present. He asked her to carry 
it all over when accompanying him on his travels. 
He realised he couldn't give up her e-mail messages 
even now, when they were both free and all the time 
so close to each other… She kissed him and looked 
into his eyes. That happened in the lobby of 'La 
Plazza' Hotel in New York, where they were just 
moving in. 'Waw, thought the lift-boy carrying 
their luggage, I'd better never pass between these 
two people, I might be electrocuted by the passion 
between them…' Everybody around noticed that and 
couldn't interfere the unique dream the lovers were 
living. So all the assistants took the next 
elevator on the right."



	"Psychological Hot Events" - Monthly Inner 
Specialty Journal: "Our highly appreciated young 
colleague, author of the revolutionary study about 
the influence of the computers upon soft 
professionals and much more… disappeared 
completely! Her highly respected professor said 
that one morning she turned on her computer to read 
her horoscope. By mistake, she clicked on the 
"travel" section where she found this: 'City of the 
day - Tokyo. Tokyo is the town were lovers start 
living their dreams…' She said: 'Oh, my God, I'll go 
crazy myself, I need therapy!' and took the first 
plane to… Paris! We invite our young colleague to 
come to explain her apparently illogical deed in 
front of our board of specialists. Her psychological 
point of view might be interesting for the future 
of mankind and as revolutionary as her previous 
study."



	Romania - 568 km far away from Bucharest - 
"The Daily Event Which Must Not Be Taken At All In 
Consideration" - Hot News: "About a month ago, a 
journalist, representative of 'Hong Kong Daily Pot 
of Rice Editorial' visited us, at the editing 
office. He was asking us to publish an 
announcement, in order to find the author of the 
work entitled: 'The Romantic Diary From The 
Japanese Garden'. The author is supposed to be 
Romanian. Her work was found by a woman working at 
the IT department from a certain financial 
institution located in Asia. She could not stop 
crying since reading the work. She asked her lover 
married to a famous publisher abroad to do whatever 
he could to publish that thing. The publishing 
company was finally interested in it and is looking 
for the author to sign a contract with them. The 
author is supposed to get a fortune out of this. 
'But how can she sign, said the journalist from 
Hong Kong, if she's not aware of what's happening?' 
We had to apologise as such an extremely minor 
event was not even for the competence of our 
newspaper. So we suggested to him that he address over 
the border on this matter. We want to sleep."   



Rio de Janeiro - "Samba on Paper": "A 
charming blonde from Romania was crowned as 'The 
Queen of Dizzy Crazy Samba Club' of this year. 
Everybody got extremely curious to find out how 
this thing could be possible… as she and the man 
who seemed to be her lover had been drinking only 
orange juice the whole night!… She was asked about 
her profession. She said: 'E-mail writer.' Her man 
said: 'Mh.' when he was asked about his. She kept 
kissing the bunch of pink roses she had been given. 
She and her lover refused to take their sunglasses 
off until they left the place."



	And this is just the beginning of it!… 
Believe me, the rest continues to get solved by 
itself. So keep your eyes on this further, the way 
I told you…


               F's  Computer



February 8, 1999


 
 
  
If you'd like to tell me what you think of my work contact: 
			   florina@cygenesis.co.uk 
 
 
 

The author has given permission as the copyright holder for  
the text of THE STORIES OF MY COMPUTER to be distributed via  
the Internet and down-loaded free of charge, either as a whole  
or in extract form.  


 
 
    FLORINA FABIAN: Welcome To My World
============================================
ONE OSCAR FOR ACTING (IN LIFE) AVAILABLE?

                                                                  
	Hi, 
	It seems I need to wear sun-glasses to watch 
my future...  
	Most of all I enjoy living the present. 
	About my past?... I just followed the light. 
My job is the humour and my hobby is to have 
fun.
	In fact I don't like to speak about myself 
too much, it's better to let the others. What do 
the others say about me? Oh, usually only a few say 
the truth, they are very busy and difficult to 
find. So don't listen to them, listen to the others 
who invent stories about me. It's much more 
interesting... Even I like to listen to them and 
wonder "Is it really me?" 
	Usually I write down these stories and turn 
them into shows. I also direct and perform them. In 
fact, I'm never interested to write a story if I 
know I won't act in it. I always like be in the 
game. I think this is the most interesting part of 
a story - turning it into life. 
	Luckily people forget quickly, so when they 
see the final product, they don't recognise their 
own contribution. They just say about me: "Oh, 
she's unique, so original, so nonconformist!..." 
	Sometimes, without ever dreaming about it, I was 
awarded for the stories I've written, even abroad.
Until now, there've been enough Gods somewhere 
up to protect me. I'd be very glad to 
hear they are my fans…
	Otherwise I'm a 1,66m/56kg normal human 
being, looking (I swear!) better and better as 
times goes by... Nature turned not to be so 
"original" as myself and offered me, in general, 
a Marilyn Monroe cover. But I don't complain...
So, except to those Gods mentioned above, I 
think I still have to thank to all those who 
contributed to this great start of mine on the 
Internet. I open the long list and thank:
	* to my mother who left the Earth to help 
me from Heaven. (Mother you did a great job 
in the last few years!);
	* to my son for leaving his computer games 
sometimes, so that I can write;
	* to my dog for taking his vitamins from 
time to time;
	* to those compatriots of mine who tried 
so hard to kill my dreams that I had to leave 
and make it bigger on an international 
scale;
	* to Mr. Iasui (my Japanese promoter) 
and his family, for convincing me to go and 
start a new way of life in Japan;
	* to my friends Ofelia, Mihaela and 
Catalina who beared my creative mood lately;
	* to Santa Claus for bringing Gary Cahalane, 
my publisher, into my destiny, on the last 
Christmas night;
	* to Gary Cahalane for… Oh! I'm sorry I 
won't open the list, it's too long!…
	* to Robert Benayoun for his book "WOODY 
ALLEN: Beyond Words", (TRANS. Alexander Walker,
Pavilion/Michael Joseph, London, 1985) from which 
images of Woody Allen are taken.
	* and finally… to "K", for opening my 
account at his emotional bank. 
	(K, I've never been so rich before!…)

                                                                               
                                                                               
		Sincerely,
                                                                          
                                                                          
		THE AUTHOR


	PS:     Now try to leave aside all what 
you're used to believe about life and listen to the 
point of view of my computer. It's been working 
quite hard on its study lately. If you think you're 
still too serious to believe a machine can write 
fiction by itself, try the opinion of a 
psychologist. 

                                                                           




		FLORINA: A Psychologist Writes

	Is life a dream?… this is something we often 
ask. Anyhow, the one who's dreaming is sure he's 
alive and the one who really lives… is dreaming! 
	What is normal and abnormal in dream and 
reality? We keep finding this out for a life…
	Where the abnormal starts and where the 
normal finishes for… Florina? One can hardly guess. 
	But one thing is for sure, her abnormal is the 
salvation of normal.
	One can feel Florina as someone playing all 
the time between dream and reality and… art.
	For Florina the life is a game, the dream is 
a way of life and the art is the path to sublime 
all the vibrations, emotions and feelings. Hers and 
the others…. Thus, the existential worries are 
thrown out of her way.
	Are you among those who want to discover 
abysum? Are you among those able at least to 
understand something of the"parallel worlds", even 
if you will never choose to live in them the way 
she does? Florina is here, on this planet to open 
the doors to mystery.
	But take care the rest of you, with the same 
power of her personality Florina will succeed in 
scaring people. She has an incredible, unexpected 
way to attack taboo subjects. And yet she seems to 
be so innocent in doing this, almost childish… 
You'll just remain mute observing how she'll break 
the walls you worked so hurd to build around you, 
in order to protect yourself in a false identity. 
	Are you shocked by so much honesty? Are you 
shocked to find out that she is really honest? Try 
to know her better and see that Florina laughs at 
what happens but she never laughs at herself and 
never laughs at others. She is just an observer 
of yours, a very special one. Be happy to meet her 
and be sure that her touch on the wound of your 
soul doesn't hurt.
	Get the courage to read her novel in which 
the love story is just the screen to know yourself 
better and to relate differently to the world 
around you. 
	The message at the end of the 9 levels of 
the "TERRA" game is that life must be lived in a 
natural way, without sticking to schemes so called 
"normal". Try to play her game and you'll see that 
all will "solve by itself"!
	So read and dream, dream and live… the game…

                                                                               
		    CATALINA RADULESCU
                                                                                           
			 Psychologist
 



 
		THE STORIES OF MY COMPUTER 
 
			     by 
 
			Floria Fabian 
 
  If you'd like to tell me what you think of my work 
          contact: florina@cygenesis.co.uk 
 
 
 
  
  
  
			 THE HE/SHE  
  
It is not true that God created the world in 6 days and took  
a rest on the 7th. The world had already been created but  
God was crazy about computer games. He invented a new game  
and chose a dead language to name it, so he called it  
"TERRA". ("TERRA 1, TERRA 2, TERRA 3" and so on;) that was on  
the 8th day, because there's been a breakdown in the main  
supply on the 7th and no one was available to fix it, as  
usually on Sundays.  
	God was a very active person, so he hated Sundays as  
well as all other holidays because they always interfered  
in his plans. God was so angry thinking about the  
significance of the 7th day that next morning, immediately  
after entitling the game, he introduced Numerology and  
Astrology for the sake of revenge.  
	God did not pay too much attention to the creation of  
Adam and Eve, multiplied afterwards in so many couples with  
snake terrestrial features. They were meant to be just  
accidents coming into the way of his really great creation:  
Messiah. There've been Messiah 1, Messiah 2, Messiah 3 and so  
on, the pick of his army of angels, something like a secret  
service department.  
	Mission: "ME WHO?".  
	In fact "TERRA" was created as the last test of their   
training. Many of them became famous all over the world, like  
Jesus or Marilyn Monroe, reaching up to the level of "STARS".  
The others lost their lives on the way and not even God wanted  
to remember their anonymous sacrifice. God loved only the  
winners and in order to be one of them, the main condition was  
not to waste time with excuses in front of the others. But who  
could remember that? Before being sent on his mission, the  
subject agreed to erase his own memory, as a security measure  
and to change his ID.   
	God also destroyed his identity file, breaking it into  
pieces and throwing it to the earth, into the hands of   
mortals. The subject had to find the pieces and bring them  
back. As soon as he reached the earth, he was given a body  
for use as a mask as well as for transportation.  
	God was still busy with the creation and the  
installation of the game on the 8th day. In fact he finished  
all these late at night.   
	He started to play the game on the 9th day, when he  
really was very tired and needed some fun.   
	Nine days of God meant an era in terrestrial time.    
	After playing the game many times, God decided to sent  
Messiah 5 (simply called 5) into V.R., selected the no. 7 way  
of life for the mission and this is what happened to 5 after  
he started to function in the no. 7 way of life, under his  
new ID.  
  
  
  
				*  
  
  
  
5 woke up in a perambulator. The huge faces of a couple  
laughing at him were covering the sky. 5 began to cry and two  
small round things, that must have been his own hands, began to  
move in front of his eyes. Instantly a sweet liquid filled  
his mouth and he couldn't refuse it, it was too good. Later  
on he found out that this was "milk". The landscape was moving  
around him and 5 began to cry again when it stopped and he  
was carried into a big thing called "home".  
	5 was a problem for himself and for others  
from the very beginning. The first things he pronounced  
correctly had been some dirty words he heard in the street.  
The female part of the family was so disgusted that starting  
with that day, 5 preferred to speak to himself.  
	That developed his brain.   
	He grew up as an adult mind in a child's body and from  
the day he understood why all the others called him a "she",  
he continued his growth as a man's brain in a woman's body.  
	From now on we'll refer to him as the "he/she".  
	He/she discovered the first piece of his/her astral  
real identity watching TV. Neil Armstrong was making his  
first step on the moon. He/she must have been six and  
confessed to some other little girls: "Oh, when I'll grow up,  
I'd like to be an astronaut's wife!..."     
	The little girls replied: "Oh, yeah?… Well… but if you  
want to be an astronaut's wife you must be slim…" It was the  
moment when he/she discovered the mirror.  
	Sometimes he/she was in direct connection with God but,  
of course, he/she was not aware of that. Messages from  
somewhere above were poured into his/her brain as lyrics with  
a codified meaning. As soon as he/she put them on paper,  
he/she discovered he/she could make a living out of that.  
In fact, everything else he/she tried to that purpose didn't  
work.   
	People sang his/her lyrics all over the world and  
he/she was rewarded with an Oscar for that. The moment they  
sent him/her the award, he/she watched the statue and  
discovered the male. From that day his/her lyrics gained  
something unusual in their sense of profoundness and  
melancholy.  
	He/she had always been too pure to find a homosexual  
solution to his/her dual nature but he/she thought about the  
worst thing of all, for someone like him/her. He/she decided  
to have a normal relationship with a man, get married, make a  
family, and other terrestrial stuff like that.   
	God's computer began to signal a very serious set up  
error. Although he/she already reached the "STARS" level,  
he/she was not at all in the mood to die yet.  
	Every subject was supposed to make a big mistake in the  
game, in order to die in one way or another. But he/she didn't  
think about that as a problem, his/her real problem was that  
he/she felt not part of any game at all. Games and fun were  
something out of that big terrifying thing called "home".  
	The female members of his/her family could never forget  
the dirty words he/she pronounced so correctly in his/her  
early childhood, so they kept accompanying him/her whenever  
he/she went out. So he/she began to think about this matter  
profoundly, rang to a horoscope line and due to the  
numerologist on duty, discovered the greatest anomaly one can  
hear about. He/she had in fact an adventurer's nature  
imprisoned in a intellectual way of life.  
	Scientifically speaking that meant a no. 5 temper grafted 
onto a no. 7 way of life.  
	Light white smoke began to come out of God's computer.  
That should have been the moment for he/she to turn back but…  
	He/she ran away from home.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As soon as he/she was alone in the world, he/she found out it   
looked totally different without the commentaries of his/her   
female companions from home.  
	Even he/she looked totally different for the World. Not  
fat, not ugly, not stupid, not boring, not sad, not… etc.  
Adding his/her poetical way of speaking…mmm… In short he/she  
appeared to the others like someone too good to be true.  
	First this thing made people crowd around him/her but  
slowly-slowly they all left again and he/she caught a very bad  
cold finding him/herself absolutely alone.  
	In fact, half of them wanted his/her mind, half of them  
wanted his/her body. Both of them were too risky for a  
reasonable person to attempt. Soon he/she discovered  
him/herself appearing like a dream in the other people's minds.  
	He/she insisted upon calling people and visiting them  
directly at home, to convince them of his/her connection to  
reality. In the end people treated him/her in a very bad and  
rejective manner for contradicting their expectations.  
	The very bad cold turned into a lungs cancer and he/she  
died .  
  
  
				*  
  
  
Only God could understand why he/she chose another way to  
die.   
	He/she was still coughing but the journey brought colour  
into his her/face and looked great. So great that God didn't  
mind at all the fact that he/she also brought his/her body into  
heaven. Only to keep it there meant breaking the rules.   
	Yet it was a pity that he/she couldn't take advantage  
of his/her physical features. So God took out a part of  
his/her brain out and sent him/her as a singer on temporary  
contract to Japan. 
	Why Japan? Because…   
	Sending him/her back was the reward for the success of  
his/her previous mission. The punishment for his/her  
disobedience was that he/she had to sing other people's  
lyrics. But taking into account the missing part of his/her  
brain, he/she couldn't think too much about what he/she was  
doing. This is how he/she could pick up a man, make him fall  
in love with him/her madly, and from now on we will refer to  
him/her as the "she".  
	She and her man lived happily ever after so the set up  
error in God's computer solved by itself and this is how a  
new era in the terrestrial time started.


December 25, 1998 
  
  
  
			  
 
 
	THE STORY OF MY LIFE WRITTEN BY WOODY ALLEN 
 
 
She was meant to be The First Lady, the real one. The  
trouble was that she was not aware of that. 
	Her father had been to busy with himself and her  
mother had died quickly and insane, so they had had no  
time to speak to their daughter about this fact.  
	She grew up alone, dreaming of becoming an actress,  
like everybody who doesn't like herself too much. This  
fact turned her into a very good looking person but she  
was not aware of that as well. 
	So when she changed into a woman, all kind of local  
leaders and even foreign VIP’s visiting her country fell  
in love with her one by one. She was not aware of that  
either!… 
	Her girl-friends were really in panic and asked her:  
	"With all these connections, no money, no career, no  
fame!… What do you get?"  
	"Oh, I get such brilliant conversation…" she  
answered. 
	Sometimes she felt something very curious was  
connected to all these important men coming and going  
out of her life to no purpose. Anyhow, she had no time  
to think about such minor things. She had a working   
nature and she also had a dog that needed to be taken out  
twice a day. 
	Yet one day she met The Real President of Romania  
(the one she knew from TV was cartoons). The Real  
President of Romania's job was to bring in the money that  
run the country. This could not prevent him from  
falling in love, on the contrary… The moment he saw her,  
he fell so deeply in love that he lost his ability to  
speak for one month. 
	That produced a whole mess in Romania for which the  
Prime Minister was blamed and was changed. 
	She felt something new in her life was happening,  
taking into account that brilliant conversation was  
missing completely. In fact she enjoyed so much the  
advantages of mental communication that she did not even  
notice when The Real President of Romania recovered and  
said: "Look girl, I'm too much involved. Things may  
turn out in a dangerous way. Here is your new passport,  
you'd better leave." 
	She woke up from her mental activities when she and  
her suitcase were already in the street.  Men started  
whistling at the way she moved on her 12cm high-heels  
and the image of The Real President of Romania suddenly  
appeared in her mind. She started to cry. 
	"Oh, that must have been a love affair and I passed  
it by!" 
	She found no convenient shoulder to cry on. All her  
girl-friends were married suspicious material persons,  
for the time being.  
	So she went to Japan, to forget. 
	Why Japan? Because… 
	There she discovered the benefits of profound  
meditation and she kept doing that for months. She had  
nothing else to do. Thus she found the great answer of  
her life: A CHANGE!… Only the change needed to be so  
real that even she had to be aware that it was happening. 
She was still dizzy because of her previous experience so  
she didn't know yet how to make it. 
	Anyhow, something more powerful than her own will  
pushed her to go to a Tokyo club late at night. She was  
still not aware about what she was doing so she used her  
knowledge of English and spoke to a man: "Sorry, have you  
ever been to Romania?" 
	Of course he hadn't but the man found it a very  
convenient way to start THE MOST BRILLIANT CONVERSATION  
SHE EVER HAD! "The hell with the change in my life" she said  
to herself and the man said to himself "the hell with my  
bottle of beer, I'll drink it later." For him, that was a  
very hard decision to make. He was someone who complained  
all the time that: “he was not so important”. On the contrary,  
she was so happy to meet an ordinary man, at last…  
She really felt that a great change in her life had started. 
	The man came from the country of Byron and Keats  
and this fact made the conversation move smoothly onto  
the field of romantic poetry. They kept debating the subject, 
conversing on different South-American rhythms until morning 
when the bartender decided to sell beer only to those who 
spoke Japanese.  
	That must have appealed to her East-European  
complex so badly that she transformed into the most vulnerable  
human being that he ever saw. That made him (video-insert)  
turn into James Bond jumping down from The Tokyo Tower to  
save Marilyn Monroe from her destiny. So(back to story) he  
passed over the fact he was not so important, kissed her,  
told her "I love you" and took her to another place. 
	She was still not aware about what she was doing.  
Otherwise she would have had the bad luck to refuse. 
There, in the place where he took her, something very curious  
happened and life turned into poetry… or poetry turned into  
life… one will never know. 
	In fact they turned their lives upside-down for  
each other, closed for days in a room on the 46th floor  
of the highest hotel in town. They both were adults so  
they both must have been aware of what they were doing.  
Meanwhile the yen rate had an instant increase of 23% and  
whole of Tokyo Town seemed to float under the pink clouds 
of a great celebration. 
	Yet one night another curious thing happened and the  
man received a telephone call: From his wife. The pink  
Tokyo clouds spread away in a second and the man suddenly  
remembered who he was.  
	He was The Real President of Asia!… and he told  
this to her with an, unusual for him, BBC news reader's  
accent. 
	That made her burst into tears between the silk  
sheets: "O-o-o-o-o-oh!… It's the first time that I love  
and that I'm aware of it and look what you're doing to me!  
I must be damned!… I'm so sure I love you, don't leave me,  
please!" and she tried to continue through tears what the  
telephone call had just interrupted. 
	"But how can you be so sure you love me, I mean…? 
	"My daily horoscope Love-O-Meter was up to 'hot' on  
the day I met you. O-o-o-o-oh…!"  
	"Darling, don't be sad, I am not so important…"  
(His BBC news reader's accent disappeared, enveloped into her  
embrace.) 
	"O-o-o-oh…!"  
 	"I'm just someone you've met… " 
	"O-o-oh!…"  
	"And besides, I'm supposed to be in London by now…" 
	"O-oh…!" 
	"…to interchange posts with The Real President of  
Europe…" 
	"Oh!" 
	"My wife's arranged it for me." 
	"Oh, great!"  
	She pushed him away.  
	"Two Presidents in one! So there remain only The  
Real Presidents of Africa, America and Australia to come  
into my life and ruin it, exactly like you, one by one."  
She started crying louder and louder: "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 
oh!…" 
	For a few seconds he balanced between her… 
vulnerability and a new nervous breakdown from his wife. 
The new nervous breakdown won, because a divorce would make 
him lose all his money.
	"But darling, I'm a married man, there's nothing I  
can do for you!… At least for the moment…" he commented. 
	Suddenly she had a great revelation. 
	"Oh, no, she said, there is one thing you can do  
for me. I don't want to waste time. Maybe I am meant to  
be a 	"First Lady" and if this is to happen, I want to be  
the greatest of all! Introduce me to The Real President  
of The World. I want to marry him." 
	"My boss!?" he exclaimed. "Darling, I'm not so  
important!… I'll speak to my wife." 
	She refused him that alternative. In the end she  
obtained a written letter of recommendation from him and  
used it. 
 
 
 
The Real President of The World sat in a wheel-chair.  
He totally rejected the idea of marriage. He was  
too busy using his fingers to take a biscuit out from a  
cup of tea. 
	"But don't you need someone to do that for you?"  
she insisted. 
	"No, I need no one!…" he said. "How can you think  
about marriage when I can't use that cute precious little  
thing any longer…it's gone!… What do you call it?" 
	"Mr. Real President!…" (She blushed with anger.) 
	"Aha, teaspoon!… now I remember. I was speaking  
about my gold plated teaspoon from my mother, what were  
you thinking about?" 
	"About nothing." 
	"No wonder… Who signed that recommendation for you?  
Churchill took my spectacles by mistake and I called him  
to bring them back but there's been no answer, for half  
a century!… Can you imagine that?" 
	"The recommendation was signed by The Real  
President of Asia, Sir…" 
	"Aha! That one! I always said that young man had a  
future. Why didn't he marry you? Is he dead?" 
	"Oh, no… He's already married…" 
	"The poor man…" 
	"With me it would have been different for him…  
	"Why?" 
	"Well… I'm not supposed to tell you but something  
makes me feel you'll forget about it quite soon… We've  
been very much in love!" 
	"In what?" 
	"IN LOVE!" She repeated loudly. "So very much in  
love that the whole wide world changed into something  
much better…" 
	"Rubbish." 
	"Oh, no, even the yen rate had a 23% increase at  
the time!" 
	"WHAT!?" shouted The Real President of The World.  
	"That was not supposed to happen!" 
	The Real President of The World almost fell down  
from his wheel-chair. 
	"This is what happens when you let a 40 years old  
teen-ager rule a continent" he said. "Where was his  
head?" 
	"His head?…His… I don't know. In fact he was The  
Head, The Head of The Asian Financial Department." 
	"All right but where was The Head of The Asian  
Financial Department when the yen rate had that 23%  
increase?" 
	"In bed with me." 
	"Oh, my God! I'll sent him to Africa to be the  
driver of The Real President of Burkina Faso." 
	"Please, Mr. Real President, you can't do that!" 
	"Why?" 
	"A lion might eat him!" 
	"Even better." 
	The Real President of The World pushed a button  
under his desk. 
	"What about our marriage?" she asked. 
	"Get OUT!" 
	So she left.  
	She had been revenged but she was not aware of that. 
	She was so desperate that she looked much more  
vulnerable than ever. And much more seductive as a  
consequence. 
	The Sheikh of North-Africa was just passing by in a  
long black car and kidnapped her. 
	She could not enjoy watching the landscape during  
the journey. She had been well shrouded, wrapped from head  
to toe, in dark flowing oriental robes and a yashmak, 
and because The Sheikh of North-Africa was extremely jealous,  
her eyes had been covered too. 
	When she was allowed to uncover her eyes, she  
thought that she was present at a meeting for Oriental  
Women's Rights. There must have been a few hundred  
persons around her and they all claimed to be "The  
Favoured One" of The Sheikh of North-Africa's wives.  
	Everybody remained silent when she said she had not  
the slightest intention of marrying The Sheikh, that she was  
still in love with somebody else. All she wanted was to take  
the opportunity of visiting the pyramids and the Sphinx, as 
she had come to Cairo for free. All the audience started  
to cry when she finished. 
	"Oh, my poor child", said the oldest of wives who  
must have been 18 but looked 65. "No woman is allowed to  
leave The Harem from the moment that she enters it. You're  
destined for the rest of your life to see the sun and  
the blue of the sky only through that huge latticed window  
up there."  
	"But I can't even see one pyramid top from there!" 
	"Don't be upset, my child. If you behave properly  
and are lucky you'll have the chance to see The Sheikh through  
the darkness, in your bed, once a year." 
	She missed that chance. Captivity led her to a  
heroic display of inadequate behaviour that reached its climax 
on the exact date the Sheikh had announced for their wedding.  
That very same day she escaped from the Harem. 
	She began to run faster and faster towards the  
pyramids. The Sheikh took a gun, leaving all his body- 
guards at home. He had to chase her alone. He was afraid  
his people might find out that he had been left by a "mere"  
woman and was very ashamed.   
	"Hey, where do you think you can hide?" The Sheikh  
kept shouting and running. "I have enough money to buy  
the whole world if I want!  I can afford to burn all of  
the year's North-African oil production to light a  
traditional barbecue! If you don't stop you'll be the first 
lump of meat on the griddle. So help me Allah!" 
	The Sheikh was only 10 meters behind her when she  
entered the desert and crossed the path of a man who was  
being chased by a lion. Suddenly a sand storm burst out and  
she could no longer see a thing. Very soon after, she heard a  
loud report close to her and she fainted.   
	When she opened her eyes the sand storm had already  
stopped and the air was clear around. The Sheikh of  
North-Africa was lying next to her with his chest very  
badly mauled by the lion. The lion was lying on top of him.  
It had a huge hole in his chest, made by The Sheikh of  
North-Africa's gun. Both were dead.  
	She and the man chased by the lion rose up from the  
sand and came face to face. The sun was burning like hell  
and they couldn't believe their eyes. They asked each other: 
"Is it you?"  
	"Is it really you?…" 
	"K!" 
	"F!" 
	She looked so… vulnerable in that ornately veiled  
Oriental wedding dress. 
	The ex-Real President of Asia looked so protective  
in his new driver's suit…  
	They threw into each other's arms. 
	"What did that Love-O-Meter of yours say to you for  
today?" he asked her. 
	"That we'll both succeed in show-business", she  
answered.  
	They kissed each other…  
 
	 
	(Here everybody, main characters, author, publishers, 
readers and others must cry… Even the lion must cry, 
it died hungry.) 
 
 
				 * 
 
 
The big change in her life starts, in fact, at this  
point of the story. 
	The Sheikh of North-Africa's death eliminated the  
danger of the outbreak of World War III. She and The ex-Real  
President of Asia became the most famous lovers on Earth,  
the symbol of those human virtues that should ever win.  
	Only the North-African people stuck to the view  
that Allah had performed a favour to the Christian world on  
their coast. Greatly improving their income by selling T- 
shirts to tourists which showed the Earth's most famous  
lovers, kissing each other in front of the Sphinx.  
	The ex-Real President of Asia was asked by some  
Hollywood producers to put down on paper, his desert  
experience. That was necessary for a new James Bond  
series ("James Bond in The Desert",  "James Bond Getting  
Out of  The Desert" and "James Bond Coming Back to The  
Desert Because He Forgot Something"). His success in the  
film industry turned him into that someone important he  
always wanted to be. 
	Later on he sold his fiancee's romantic experiences  
to the same producers for a Hollywood romance, to me for  
a comedy and to some Argentinean agents for the most  
successful tele-novella, "L'amor,  una rosa por siempre  
vivir" 
	This was very convenient for her. She remembered  
how much she had wanted to be an actress. Taking into account  
the new state of things, she did not need to fight at all for  
an Oscar. Who could wish for more? 
	They decided to live in Brazil because they were  
both crazy about South-American music. 
	Her girl-friends from Romania called her one day. 
They wanted to pay her a five year long visit. They were 
all divorced or bored by their husbands for the time being. 
She elegantly refused. She was married but still in love. 
	"Such ingratitude!" they exclaimed. "After all  
we did for you!…" 
	"What did you do for me?" 
	"We opened your eyes. How can you treat us like  
this? You're not The First Lady of The United States of  
America!" 
	"Well, maybe I'm not. But I'm The First Lady in my  
own house and I want to remain so!" 
	So she never had a nervous breakdown. 
 
 
 
			HAPPY END  
 
 
 
 
 
 
New comments in papers: 
 
 
The Japanese people still believe that the return of  
the most famous lovers on Earth will break the economic  
deadlock of their country. 
 
 
The Real President of The World met Churchill in  
the Heaven, wearing HIS spectacles, and got very angry.  
The rest solved itself. 
 
 

December 30, 1998

 
 
 
	 		SOCIETY 
 
A fashion event took place in Monte Carlo. Naomi Campbell 
was the star of the event. A German was in the audience 
and thought about his wife who was on a trip to Hawaii. She  
was expecting him to join her for the week-end.  
	'Oh, mein Gott, if Naomi Campbell would change places  
with my wife'…  
	She didn't. So the German went to a business meeting  
next morning and fell in love with a young lawyer lady from  
Romania. She looked much more like Elizabeth Taylor but it  
didn't matter. 
	Another fashion event took place in Paris. Cindy  
Crawford was the star. A Frenchman was in the audience and  
looked at his wife sitting besides him. She was only sitting.  
	'Ah, mon Dieu, if Cindy Crawford would change places  
with my wife'…  
	She didn't. So, after a week, the Frenchman went to  
Romania to sign a contract and fell in love with a  
psychologist lady. She looked much more like Lauren Bacall  
but it didn't matter. 
	The most important fashion event of the year took place  
in Tokyo. 
	Why Tokyo? Why Japan? BECAUSE!…  
	Here, the star was Claudia Schiffer.  
	An Englishman was in the audience and thought about his  
wife in London. She was waiting for him to move his business  
to their home town for ever. 
	'Oh, my God, if Claudia Schiffer would change places  
with my wife'…  
	She didn't. So the Englishman went to a club late that  
night and fell in love with a Romanian show-girl. She looked  
much more like Marilyn Monroe but it didn't matter. 
	The  show-girl, the psychologist lady and the lawyer  
lady were all very good friends. So, after a while, they all  
met at the psychologist lady's place for a chat. They hadn't  
seen each other for a long time so they started with the  
subject of love. They never did finish the subject but it  
doesn't matter. 
	The psychologist lady worked on a very important  
project on her computer but checked her e-mail all the time.  
She looked extremely happy whenever she did that.  
	'What's happening?' asked the other two. 
	'My boy-friend in Paris insists on making love by  
e-mail.' 
	'And why don't you do it?!… Oh, sorry, we’re disturbing  
you…' 
	'Oh, no! My e-mail’s an old fashioned type. It needs  
to be adapted for that purpose.'  
	'Oooh!' did the others.  
	The lawyer lady said making love by e-mail was a  
revolutionary idea and the computer from her company would  
do. Besides the e-mail exchange would be charged to the  
company. The show-girl said she had won enough money in Japan  
to buy the best computer with the best e-mail in the world  
but asked permission to use the lawyer lady's one until  
she acquired one. The lady lawyer also invited the psychologist  
lady to join them, of course after her boss and all the other  
employees had left the premises. 
	Thus the hottest e-mail all over the world started.  
Light coloured heart shaped clouds were floating from  
outboxes to inboxes, from Romania to Germany, to England, to  
France and to all the other countries the boy-friends were  
travelling in. The answers came back to Romania, in the same  
light coloured heart shaped clouds growing bigger and bigger.  
And so on… 
	The three young ladies had the fun of their life for a  
week, until they heard a click inside the monitor and the  
screen turned black. Three desperate men in three different  
places on Earth made a mess of their lives and their business's  
for the next three days. 
	'Oh, said the show-girl to the lawyer lady, it's   
my fault. We overworked the poor thing. Tomorrow morning I'll  
buy my own computer and I'll find someone to solve this  
problem for you. I don't want you to have trouble with your  
boss.' 
	'Oh, it's my fault, too, insisted the psychologist  
lady. I should have had my e-mail adapted instead of…  
Anyhow, privacy is privacy in such matters.' 
	They were all too good friends not to share the matter.  
They looked through The Yellow Pages, found the address of a  
confident trade and service computers company and went there. 
	The engineer on duty was short, thin and shy but he had  
a very long nose and a very big black moustache. He was told  
by his wife that glamorous women were only V.R. He had  
happily lived with that belief for a very long time.  
	The psychologist lady, the lawyer lady and the show- 
girl entered his office. The engineer almost fell down from  
his chair, splashed coffee (fortunately cold) on his trousers  
and remained mute, with his mouth open, for the next half an  
hour.  
	Meanwhile, the three young ladies shook hands with  
him, explained the situation, spoke to each other, chose a  
computer to buy, spoke to each other, left their addresses  
and telephone numbers, made appointments with him, spoke  
to each other, shook hands with him again, and left. 
	A switch button was touched by an invisible finger in  
the soft engineer's mind. So glamorous women exist! They  
touch people! They speak to people! They enter people's  
offices like any other human beings! They leave their  
addresses and telephone numbers and much more, they make  
appointments with them!
	It took a while for the engineer to realise that he was  
'people', too. 
	A crazy, crazy, crazy yell was heard from the  
engineer's office. The sales-persons, the accountant and the  
woman who was cleaning the place burst in to see what had  
happened to him. 
	'Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford  
have just been in my office.' An unusual Don Juan-esque  
glance was added to these words. The company people made a  
large sign of cross in the orthodox manner and minded their  
own business.  
	The engineer didn't pay attention to them. He continued  
to make the Don Juan-esque glance for himself in the mirror, 
and reviewed his appointments. He decided to meet Claudia  
Schiffer today, Naomi Campbell tomorrow and Cindy Crawford  
the day after tomorrow. He bought flowers for the three of  
them. 
 
	 
 
Claudia Schiffer/the show-girl was wearing a strapless figure  
hugging dress, needed her new computer installed and  
appreciated the flowers very much.  
	That made the engineer's season look like spring,  
although there was really a -20oC temperature outside. The  
engineer proved not only to be a very good professional but a  
person with great opinions as well. At least, that's what he  
thought.  
	His wife thought he was unusually late and kept calling
him on his cellular every ten minutes. That made the engineer
turn off his phone after the first five or six hours. Then he
began a never ending human study upon the nature of 
compatibility between married couples in general. Claudia 
Schiffer/the show-girl gave up the idea of using her own e-mail
for the next five years and fell asleep on the couch. She was
just reciting poetry to The Real President of Asia, in a 
wonderful Japanese garden when the engineer woke her up. He 
was very sorry but he had to leave her because it was already 
tomorrow and time to meet Naomi Campbell... At least the computer 
was installed and ready to go. 
	 
 
Naomi Campbell/the lawyer lady was dressed in prim office 
fashion but looked really sexy. She made spring turn into 
summer, in spite of a slight decrease in outside temperature.
Naomi Campbell/the lawyer lady didn't appreciate the flowers 
too much. She was just speaking on the phone when the engineer
arrived. The voice on the phone belonged to Claudia 
Schiffer/the show-girl and said: 'Watch out, I think the man is 
a little crazy.' 
	She didn't need to watch out too much because her boss 
was already there. The monitor of her computer proved to have 
only two wires disconnected inside. So the engineer gave up 
his human study on the nature of married couples compatibility 
in general and left… At least the monitor was fixed and 
ready to go.

	 
 
He entered the pub across the street to have a single beer  
but had 18 instead. He kept watching the large office window  
where Naomi Campbell was working and using the phone like any 
other human being. Fortunately she didn't notice him at all. 
	Naomi Campbell must have been at her 243rd e-mail exchange, 
working overtime, when the engineer realised that it was 
already the day after tomorrow.  
	'Sorry to leave you, babe, time to meet Cindy Crawford!'  
	His cellular was still off. 
 
 
 
Cindy Crawford/the psychologist lady transformed his summer 
into autumn. It happened in spite of her aerobic sportswear 
and the slight increase in outside temperature. She didn't
appreciate the flowers at all for three reasons: 1) because
they were already dead; 2) because Naomi Campbell/the 
lawyer lady already phoned her to say 'the man is definitely 
crazy ' and 3) because the psychological professional inside 
her was deeply disappointed to face only a drunk instead of a 
case. The engineer made the mistake of his life, trying to 
improve things with his latest human study. Besides, this 
happened in the Cindy Crawford/psychologist lady's own house 
and in her own field of her professional. This was the very 
project that she was working on! In spite of the drunk's 
opinion, she felt sure that things could work perfectly 
between husband and wife! 
	She had not the time to tell him exactly on what terms 
and conditions that this could occur. The engineer felt like 
a boxer just before his KO and not only because of the beer 
irrigating his brain. 
	Yet he found the power to operate on a professional 
level and gave up his opinions about other matters. The day 
after tomorrow had not even reached noon... 
	At least the e-mail was updated and ready to work.



 
 
 
The engineer left, slipped on the stairs and turned on his  
phone by mistake. 
	The voice of his wife vibrated angrily into the frozen  
air: "Where are you? …%&(np_!mu_jkop^%$vxx?!'  
	What a pity Cindy Crawford/the psychologist lady had  
had not time to tell him precisely how things could work  
perfectly between husband and wife… 
	Although the outside weather was now a little bit sunny,  
his internal winter was the worst of all seasons, too grey  
and too cold, as chill and unappealing as the day before  
yesterday's dinner, waiting on the kitchen table at home.  
	The wife was wearing a pink-green flowered dressing gown.  
She had had not the chance to appreciate the hidden meanings of  
a gift of flowers since their wedding.   
	'WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?'  
	'At work.' 
	'WHICH WORK? THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! WE CALLED THE 
POLICE!'  
	'And?' 
	'WHAT AND?…THEY SAID YOU WERE CRAZY…YOU MENTIONED 3  
WOMEN…  WHO ARE THEY?' 
	'Mmm…'  
	'WHAT MMM?' 
	'Hm.'  
	'THEY HAD TO CALL INTERPOL TO FIND THEM! ONE LIVES  
IN EUROPE, ONE IN AMERICA AND ONE GOD KNOWS WHERE! THE  
WOMEN SAID THEY NEVER HEARD OF YOU AND THEY NEVER  
HEARD OF ROMANIA!" 
	'Clever little bunnies…'  
	'WWHHAATT? WHERE DID YOU MEET THESE FOREIGN  
WOMEN… PUAH!… YOU SMELL LIKE A BARREL!!!… THESE  
WOMEN SAID THEY'LL ASK FOR COMPENSATION IN DOLLARS  
FOR DISTURBING THEM!… WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?'  
	'At work.' 
	'AND WHERE IS THE MONEY?'  
	How could a housekeeper like her understand that a man  
needed to volunteer sometimes? She decided to divorce. 
	The wife was a real housekeeper and had no other contacts  
than those in her husband's telephone book. She went through  
it in tears and found "...lawyer lady". 
	 
 
 
 
The lawyer lady met her and was very touched by her story.  
It was a complicated case implying immoral conduct outside  
and inside the marriage .  
	One could pass the line between the 'inside' and the  
'outside' without paying to much attention to it. The more  
invisible, the more dangerous this limit was. That was legal  
stuff. The wife couldn't understand that but understood  
the rest. The lawyer lady said she noticed the engineer's  
strange behaviour from the very beginning. She suggested  
calling in her friend, the show-girl as a witness. Her  
naturally great acting talents, famous even in Japan, would  
deeply impress The Court. Her friend, the psychologist lady  
was also suggested. They needed to shut the engineer up in 
a lunatic asylum so that he could not cause trouble with his  
perverse and incompetent opinions any longer. 
	All the three friends almost started to cry when they  
heard the engineer was not currently drinking beer. He had  
drank alcoholic extract when he was 3, had caught a cold  
and had confused a case of Pils with one of linctus. 
	The trial was a success on the complainant's side. The  
accused was not aware of that because he was already in a  
lunatic asylum, convinced that he was Bill Clinton. He lived  
happily ever after. He became famous all over the world  
because of a human study regarding the negative influence of  
computers on the soft professionals' brain. The study was  
mediated on a large scale and extended to include amateur  
subjects, as well. 
	Its conclusion was a logical one. Husband and wife  
could get on very well together, as long as the wife  
managed to divorce her husband from his previous wife.  
The wife heard about this conclusion from a neighbour and  
decided to revenge herself. The same neighbour told her  
to go to an old gypsy woman and place a curse upon the 3  
tramps using black magic.  
	The gypsy lady said 'Right, I can do it,  but bring me  
their names and that of your husband upon a $100 bill.'  
	The housekeeper changed all her savings and the  
neighbour wrote the names for her because she didn't  
know how to: Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford  
and X 
	No one could see what the gypsy old woman did with the  
bill.	The soft engineer was by now so convinced that he was  
Bill Clinton that he started playing the sax.  
(New York Times, article on the front page.)  
 
Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford got drunk  
upon Coca-Cola and doughnuts at a fashion event, displayed  
gleefully inadequate behaviour, lost their jobs, their money,  
their men and their nylon eye-lashes.  
(Idaho Gossip - one of the pages, right corner, down.) 
	 
 
The confounded ones, from Romania played the hot e-mail game  
until they got bored and started using the phone instead. 


January 4, 1999
		 
 
 
 
	THE INTERVIEW I GAVE TO WOODY ALLEN 
  SO THAT HE COULD WRITE THE STORY OF MY LIFE 
 
 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F! Please, take the dog from  
the door, so that I can come in! 
 
F:   Oh, you are afraid of dogs, I was not aware  
of that!.. 
 
DOG:   Waw, waw!… 
 
F:   But he's only a baby caniche, he won't harm  
you, would you, precious?… 
 
DOG:   WAW!.. WAW!…wg)&*...MMRRR…n(*)k!!!!!!!>>…! 
 
WOODY ALLEN :   Miss eeeeeF!…Maybe we should leave  
it for another ti… Ouch!… 
 
F:   All right, all right, come precious, come to  
mama, that's it, darling, mummy's, mummy's doll…  
Aren't we a nice boy? 
 
DOG:   Flick! Ng. 
 
F:   …And who is nice and clean like a white  
cream cake on a white cute plate on a white cute  
table-cloth on a… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   F! There's a man in the living  
room, he says he's waiting for you! 
 
F:   Oh!… Already?… I was not aware of that. Mr.  
Allen, let me introduce you my aunt… Aunt Stella,  
Mr. Woody Allen… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Sister of your mother? 
 
F:   No! of my grandmother… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Oh!… How do you do… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   What does he say? 
 
F:   To mind your own business. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Than I'll sit. 
 
F:   Aunt Stella! Don't you have anything else to  
do? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Nice weather, isn't it? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   So. Miss F, I suppose you know why  
I'm here… But, please, don't let that dog down…! 
 
F:   Oh, don't worry, he's only trying to make  
friends… 
 
DOG:   Flick… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Puah!…  
 
F:   Would you like a cup of cafe? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   No! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Maybe a cup of tea. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   No! 
 
DOG:   Flick!.. prst! …flick… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F.! Please! Can't you pick it  
up in your arms again? In case we take a picture  
afterwards… 
 
F:   Oh, of course, I was not aware of that…  
 
AUNT STELLA:   She's aware of nothing. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   As far as I know, that's how the  
whole story started. 
 
F:   What story? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   The story of your life! 
 
F:   Oh!… Aunt Stella, but how do you know why  
Mr. Woody Allen came here? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I heard you speaking on the phone,  
someone has to be aware of what's happening in  
this house! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F, maybe we should leave this  
for… 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, would you mind bringing Mr.  
Allen a glass of water? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Yes!… I mean, no!… I'll go but  
I'll leave the door opened! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Come on, Miss F, whisper quickly,  
the whole damn story into my ear, until she's  
back. 
 
F:  OK,ssshhhssssst, ssssssttttttshshhhhhhhhttttt.  
Ssssssh, ssssssssssss ththththss?… Shshttsh! Sss… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   (from the kitchen) Don't believe  
her, Mister,  SHE'S NOT AWARE ABOUT WHAT SHE'S  
SAYING!… 
 
DOG:   Waw…#^%&# ??? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   BECAUSE!… 
 
 
 
January 11, 1999
 
 
 
 
		THE DREAM MAKER 
 
 
They always said that V.R. can harm people.  
Sometimes it can become stronger than marijuana and  
LSD.  
	Police and even Intelligence Services have  
unsolved cases involving children who escaped from  
home into V.R. and never came back. Not only  
children, in fact…  
	There are also cases that a computer is not  
necessary to access. One of these cases was  
registered into The Archives as 'The Dream Maker's  
File'.  
	It contains material proofs that The Dream  
Maker really exists upon this planet and keeps  
influencing people from miles away, from an  
unknown territory. Parallel worlds have to be  
taken into account here.  
	Someone like this may live in a normal  
town, in a normal country, functioning within a normal  
family and social-economical background. For example 
… Hong Kong. Let's suppose that this someone may be  
not a local but an Englishman, for example, living in  
Hong Kong for business purposes. Beyond that, he  
works in a very abstract field, such as accountancy,  
who may have the slightest idea that he is, in fact… 
The Dream Maker? 
	How does he operate? He simply lives but sends  
his experience as dreams into other people's minds,  
like signals, each containing little packets of  
information about what he does, what he is doing,  
and what he is going to do. Is he aware of 
this? He may say that he doubts it but people who know  
him must be really shocked by his level of intuition.  
How can someone be so intuitive if he does not have 
some special abilities related to the 'psychic' fields?  
	He may also have his own dreams and wishes  
and sometimes they turn against him. This kind of  
'feed-back' is stronger if the fulfilment of his  
dreams is delayed. In fact they are not delayed  
but, because of his native dysfunction, his dreams  
come literally “to life” in other locations.  
	In fact, all his life must be a mess. How  
can someone live like this? Maybe to interfere in 
other people's lives and create the same disasters  
there… 
	Let's take the case of a very sensitive  
person also living in a normal country, a normal  
town, family and so on… for example, Romania.  
And let's take the most dangerous scenario, perhaps 
this person is someone of the opposite sex!  
	She represents a typical example of a victim.  
It is enough for The Dream Maker to focus on a certain  
wish, a sexual one, for instance…
	Of course, the victim is not aware that she  
is under attack by The Dream Maker, from the very  
beginning. In fact, this series of regular attacks  
starts in her early childhood. She finds herself  
waking up in the morning with a profound sense  
of sadness, feeling like she is missing someone, she  
doesn't know who. This makes her start arguing with  
the people around her, from the age of 3, upon childish  
matters. Later on she starts doing this on  
political ones because she becomes obsessed with 
changing her country into a better place. (In fact  
she's right.) Afterwards she rejects all profitable  
offers for building a future, for the sake of an ideal love.  
And later on, she starts writing poems dedicated to a men 
she must have met in a previous life, 1000 years ago.  
	What does The Dream Maker do all this time?  
	He is building his social and financial future,  
according to his background, upbringing, education and  
status.  
	Meanwhile, the victim is often attacked  
during the night-time. She dreams of love  
affairs, stories of strange couples who seem to get  
involved, get married and have children, only to her  
own disadvantage. People do not even notice her. Just  
to be contrary, she decides to become an actress.  
	Oh, how everybody will notice her when she  
appears on the screen!  
	The old sexual wish of The Dream Maker  
feeds back to him. His future has grown into  
something quite great but he starts feeling that 
he is not so important. He focuses his dreams of 
movie people, living their mysterious stories, in  
mysterious places. He is fascinated by the stars'  
platinum blond hair and leaves London for a better  
paid future, in an exotic world bank...  
	Not too content in her acting career, the  
victim bleaches her natural hair, thinking that  
blondes have more fun. The Dream Maker starts  
visiting her during the night-time, more and more  
often. The victim starts to confuse other men  
with him, during the day. It is her turn to create  
a mess in other people's lives. She gets used to  
the idea that a divorce is something that must  
follow a wedding quite soon and tries it twice.  
	The Hong Kong bankers have no reason to  
blame their accountant for a double identity. Yet  
his wife suspects him of a double life.  
	The victim starts fighting a dark haired  
woman in her dreams, every night. The woman is  
wearing her clothes and stealing both her man and  
her future. Again just to be contrary, she concludes  
her poetry series with lyrics such as these: 'I met  
my love again in the end and we'll be together for ever!'…  
	Paradoxically, at the same time, she is also  
concluding her second divorce.  
	The Dream Maker keeps maintaining his role in 
society with great skill and is highly appreciated  
by his business partners. His wife calls him on  
phone every night, insisting that he performs his family  
duties and comes home. The Dream Maker decides  
it is not time for that yet. So, instead of  
taking the plane back to London, he keeps making  
trips to the scene of his crime.  
	Taking into account the mean-time zone  
difference, the victim starts dreaming about him  
during the day. It happens to her when she's  
driving her car, when she's at an audition for  
a part and even when she has to say 'yes' to  
another man who proposes. The victim  
starts crying, apparently for no reason and  
people believe that she is becoming mad. She starts  
fighting with the image of someone wearing a gold ring  
on his small finger. She is exhausted and obsessively  
asks: "what do you want from me?... Why don't you  
let me settle down again?...' She starts believing  
that every man wearing a gold ring on his small  
finger might harm her. So she gets into fights  
with many of the important men that she knows. They  
begin threatening her with her moral destruction.  
	The Dream Maker gets bored of all the public places  
in Hong Kong and takes the decision to try something new.  
Yet he is not bored of the exotic world he inhabits so he  
takes advantage of his business mobility and goes to Japan.  
His wife starts to threaten him with divorce.  
	The victim has no other remaining way of earning her  
living and has to go abroad. She's broke and has no time to  
wait for something better. She has to decide quickly and take  
the first offer that comes and thus, she flies to Japan.  
	Please, don't ask me ag… Oh, thanks for your  
understanding! 
	The Dream Maker is bored of the social obligations  
that he has to perform as a cover and the victim is  
bored of her job. It's Sunday night and The Dream  
Maker decides to go out. So does the victim.  
	At this point of the case that fatalistic natural  
factor interferes that prevents every possible crime  
occurring.  
	So, the criminal and his victim choose the  
same place to have fun. Only their modalities differ:  
The Dream Maker prefers Heineken beer, the victim  
prefers disco dancing. She commits illogical acts, 
drinks tequila mixed with B52's, dances the Macarena  
with a group of lesbians and starts bothering every man  
around with a silly question:  
	'Sorry, but have you ever been to Romania?'  
	Turning and turning around to the beat, the  
victim notices the criminal standing at the end of  
the bar. Fortunately, the fatalistic natural  
factor means that The Dream Maker does not notice her 
or her dancing. Otherwise, he would probably run away  
and hide himself in Manila.  
	The feeling of knowing his face from  
somewhere becomes an obsession for the victim. She  
starts losing the rhythm. She psychically  
tortures herself with hesitation for two hours.  
Yet, in the end, the fatalistic natural factor  
interferes again and she approaches him and asks him  
directly: 'Sorry, but have you ever been to Romania?'  
	The Dream Maker panics. He recognises the  
creation of his own dreams and thinks that she has been  
sent to him as some form of divine punishment. So he 
asks her: 'Who are you, a Romanian spy?'  
	Yet the same fatalistic natural factor makes  
the criminal fall into his own trap. He shouldn't have  
imagined his creation so often wearing a tight,  
short dress with shoulder straps. He must get rid of  
traces of his guilt, immediately!  
	He starts to envelope the victim, working with all 
his seductive skills. The victim is hypnotised and  
feels like she is in 7th heaven. Suddenly she changes  
her ring with the gold one upon The Dream Maker's  
small finger, acting without fear. This is what The  
Dream Maker has waited for, a signal to commence his 
attack.  
	He asks: 'If I were to ask you to come to my  
hotel, what would you say?'  
	She says 'no', because, like any other educated  
human being, she is used to pretence in such matters.  
The Dream Maker is aware that pushing things too hard  
is unwise. Besides, early in the morning he has to catch a  
flight back to Hong Kong. He changes the rings back, writes  
down his telephone number on a tissue paper and says:  
	'I'll be back in a couple of weeks. Call me,  
I'll do the rest...'  
	The victims thinks that the rest means  
visiting Disneyland, Chinatown and other similar  
traditional Japanese places that she has not had  
the chance to see. So she calls him.  
	But they do not go to these marvellous  
places. The taxi drivers in Tokyo don't understand  
English and the criminal takes advantage of this.  
So that the only place they can visit together is a  
wonderful Japanese garden that destiny arranges to  
be the very garden of the hotel that he is staying  
in. She has the feeling that she has seen this garden,  
before. That is why, when he invites her to visit  
the lobby, the shops, the restaurants inside them,  
the elevator, the bar on the top floor, and so on,  
she doesn't say 'no' any more.  
	The victim is, finally, in the criminal's  
hotel-room. A signal of alarm starts to disturb  
her interior peace. She is still asking herself 
'what am I doing here?' when she discovers  
that The Dream Maker is a great lover... and keeps  
discovering that fact for a couple of nights.  
	The Dream Maker knows that the texture and 
traces of his guilt are growing, yet he becomes  
curious to know his creation even better.  
	He invites her to a restaurant and asks  
her about her family, her career and hobbies.  
The victim finds nothing else better to do  
than speak about her poetry and even recites a  
fragment for him: 'Now I know that between you and  
me lies a distance of 1000 years. You just don't  
say anything, just let the people think that I'm  
not aware of this, that I'm acting… for money.'  
	The Dream Maker is absolutely astonished.  
Does she know something or not? He wants to be  
sure. In fact, he's falling into his own trap more  
and more. He takes the victim back to his hotel  
and continues being a great lover.  
	Suddenly the victim finds out that reality  
is the same as the vision she had had at the end of  
her poetry series. She feels like she wants to be  
an actress no more. Paradoxically, a strong voice  
inside her keeps repeating: 'This is the movie you  
must be in!... This is the movie you must be  
in!... '  
	Dream, reality, art, meet and connect for the  
rest of the night. The criminal reaches the conclusion  
that the victim has been sent to him as an angel, for  
his salvation. He feels guilt no more for his crimes.  
The victim is not sure yet if she has been sent by  
someone or sent only herself. Now she is aware of  
her position as a victim but wishes that this state  
of affairs could last for ever.  
	Fortunately for criminal justice, but  
unfortunately for them, The Dreams Maker's family  
makes plans to visit him in Hong Kong very soon.  
At the same time, the victim's visa for Japan  
expires. They both take planes in different  
directions.  
	The victim is back home now, with a very  
bad cold. Although she's been so close to The  
Dream Maker, she still can't remember his face.  
The criminal doesn't keep his promise and doesn't  
call her at all. He is too busy with family  
matters to bother her in her dreams again.  
That's why, for a while, she dreams nothing. She's  
not used to that. So in desperation, she turns to her  
past and to her poems. She keeps passing through them  
in her mind for a while. Until one day, she has a  
revelation and remembers the criminal's face!  
	He has been the one passing by so indifferently,  
in her dreams, all her life! He has been the one with  
the ring in her visions! He has been the one in her poems,  
the one she’s kept missing for 1000 years! She is so 
revolted that she keeps remembering even more. 1000 years 
ago, he left her to fight with barbarians and was unbearably 
late. She kept waiting for him on a shore, until she caught 
a very bad cold and died!  
	That was an unbearable mistake to make because he  
turned back later and found no one to marry him for  
the rest of his life. We refer to that life.  
	She starts to cry, with huge sobs, thinking of her  
great and ancient mistake, all the while completely  
forgetting about his. She keeps asking herself: 'Now that  
I have found him what shall I do? Go on with him or  
continue this life? But this is not a life!'  
	The Dream Maker's family leaves Hong Kong.  
So he finds time to continue his trips to his  
victim, through her dreams and her visions,  
by night and by day. The victim is so happy to  
see him again that she forgets completely that she  
is still unemployed. She asks him what to do to  
repair the past. He says that the telephone has  
been invented in the last thousand years and   
is a quite good means to repair a mistake. Only  
he can't use his because it is barred from making  
international calls. If she can get an e-mail  
connection there could be hope for the future.  
She follows his advice. She doesn't want to be  
killed by a cold again.  
	That is why all her acquaintances from  
Romania have never seen her again. They still  
think that she is in Japan, making money and are  
envious because of it. In fact the victim is lost  
in V.R. She realises that writing is her greatest 
vocation, staying at home and writing daily,  
never ending love letters. The more answers that 
she gets, the more her cold disappears.  
	The Dream Maker delays a solution for his  
private life. He is very touched by the never  
ending love letters. He is building new  
unbelievable dreams and yet, he is still thinking: 
'Oh, no, she is just a heart-breaker… this is too  
good to be true!…'  
	 
 
Anyhow, this still remains only a supposition  
about who The Dream Maker may be and what he can  
do.  
 
 
January 13, 1999 
 
 
 
			TOMMY 
 
Her bedroom, a normal light-coloured teen-agers' bedroom.  
Only on the dressing table, two antiques. A big 100 years 
old mirror and a vase (same age).
	Usually the vase is empty. It was only once  
filled with flowers by her father, the time when she  
came back from Japan. Now, sometimes, by chance, a  
small item of underwear that she tosses away when  
she goes to bed, falls into it. So, the vase is not  
so important… 
	Much more important is the mirror. Square  
and so strange… like a crystal door! 
	Add to this a whole French perfume  
collection. Nothing else is on the dressing table  
besides this. Except… two American perfumes. These  
are her dolls. (She is still very good at playing  
with dolls.) 
	Her favourite doll is the only one men’s perfume  
on the table. TOMMY. (Tommy Hilfiger.) 
	She bought him a girl-friend on the plane, coming 
back from Japan, TOMMY GIRL. Tommy Girl is not so great. 
Fit much more for sportswear. 
	Sometimes she carries Tommy Girl out with her to 
parties, or clubs, or discos. She's wearing sportswear much 
more lately. 
	TOMMY and his girl-friend stay close together on her  
dressing table. 
	Although she touches Tommy Girl quite often,  
she's afraid to touch TOMMY. Not because his girl- 
friend would be jealous, oh no! She is simply  
afraid of its past. (Where it came from, who  
touched it and who smelt of it.) TOMMY is not aware of that.  
It just stands there and waits to be touched, opened, smelled…  
	It's quite tempting, you know… 
	It happened yesterday. She couldn't help it.  
She came out from town, threw her clothes off   
and before getting dressed with her favourite  
sleeping T-shirt…  Thought: “What if?…” They would do great  
together - “T-shirt and TOMMY. Coming from the same  
place, touched before by the same hands…” 
	She did it quickly. Sprayed once the T-shirt  
and put TOMMY back in his box. 
	Imagine the rest yourself… 
 
			* 
 
Well, I think you've imagined enough. Shame on  
you!… 
 
 
January 14, 1999 

 
 
 
	THE INTERVIEW AUNT STELLA GAVE TO WOODY  
ALLEN TO RUIN THE STORY OF MY LIFE BUT SHE COULDN'T 
 
 
F:   …Aunt Stella, will you, please, finish  
with all this nonsense about my being aware or not? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   You started, first. You’ve been  
saying that to Mr. Woody Allen since he entered the  
house! Didn't I tell you not to speak about it in  
front of others because they'll think you're  
mad? If only your family knows this, all right, our  
family knows how to keep a secret… but the rest? The  
rest will laugh at you. People… 
 
F:   I don't care about any people…! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I invite you not to yell at  
me, because I'll kick your face… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   All right, all right!… 
 
F:   Oh, Mr. Woody Allen, you're still  
here?… I was not aware of that!… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Well, you see, Mister says  
I'm right. Am I not? Mr. Allen, we've always lived  
in peace with the neighbours. You should mention  
this fact. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Of course. 
 
DOG:   Waw! 
 
F:   Mr. Woody Allen, I think we can  
continue. No one will interrupt us from now on.  
Aunt Stella, would you? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   God forbid! Me? I'll just sit  
here and listen. 
 
F:   I already told you about my childhood.  
Any special questions? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   What did you tell him? 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, I was speaking to Mr.  
Allen, not to you. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I know, I know but isn't it  
necessary for me to know? I am family and I'm  
concerned about my image. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Aunt Stella, you can be sure  
that… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   …That she called us all  
crazy! Now, this is what you SHOULD put on paper  
if you still want to live. It's true that her  
mother was a little bit… you know, before she died  
but that happened to her because she was too much  
aware about what was happening… (This you won't  
put on paper, it's dangerous!... Government  
matters, sssst!…) This girl will never have the  
chance to go crazy, she's just too stupid! (Now,  
this you can write.) And besides, she's not even  
thinking about her father! He worked so hard all  
his life for his public image and has succeeded to  
such a degree!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   That you don't know whether  
you speak to him or to his public image! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Now, you see, you see, I was  
sure she told you that! 
 
F:   No, I didn't!  
 
AUNT STELLA:   That you mustn't write!  
 
WOODY ALLEN: But what should I write? 
 
F:   A… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   That she was meant to be The  
First Lady! With all her qualities, all her  
education, all the investments her parents made…  
but she was too stupid… 
 
F:  No, I was not stupid! I was not aware of  
that! We lacked communication! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   What communication? When you  
were a baby, you looked intelligent, why would  
we talk to you about obvious matters?  
 
WOODY ALLEN: Like what? 
 
F:   A… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Like morality, of course! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Aha. 
 
F:   AUNT STELLA! WOULD YOU MIND BRINGING  
ANOTHER GLASS OF WATER TO MR. ALLEN? Maybe  
cook for him… A WHOLE TRADITIONAL ROMANIAN DINNER?… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Not a problem with me, I can  
speak from the kitchen just as well.  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Pst, Miss F!… How did you  
decide to become an actress? Whisper the answer  
into my ear… Ssst… 
 
F:   Pst, Mr. Woody Allen!… I didn't like my  
life too much. Sssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   WHY? 
 
F:   BECAUSE YOU KEPT TELLING ME I WAS FAT!!! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Pst, Miss F!… I think this  
consideration must have fallen onto your soul like  
a granite rock. Ssst… 
 
F:   Pst, Mr. Woody Allen… Indeed.   Ssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Any decent woman must have a  
reason to stay clear of men before marriage. 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, go back to the kitchen! 
 
AUNT STELLA: I go, I go… NOW I'M IN THE  
KITCHEN! 
 
F:   Pst, Mr. Allen…That's why I always had  
the feeling men would influence my life in a  
negative way… I felt somehow guilty… Ssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   RUBBISH! SHE MISSED HER  
CHANCES! SHE HAD HER FIRST EXPERIENCE AS THE FIRST  
LADY WHEN SHE WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT SHE WAS  
NOT AWARE OF THAT! 
 
F:   OF COURSE I WAS NOT AWARE OF THAT! THAT  
BOY-FRIEND OF MINE DID NOT EVEN BECOME A CANDIDATE 
FOR THE PRESIDENCY UNTIL 12 YEARS AFTER, WHEN HE 
WAS ALREADY MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE!.. TO MY BEST FRIEND! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   THAT GIRL KNEW WHAT SHE  
WANTED IN LIFE! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Pst, Miss F!… I heard many  
local leaders and even foreign VIP's… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   SHE BEGAN TO GET INVOLVED  
WITH ALL KIND OF TRAMPS!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   That's how you met…  
 
F:   … Yes, The Real President of  
Romania…Pst, don't listen to my aunt, she's a liar,  
I was chased by my destiny but I was not aware of  
that!… Ssss… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Aha… psst…  
 
AUNT STELLA:   SO NO MONEY, NO CAREER, NO FAME! 
 
WOODY ALLEN: Yeah… the whole City was  
shocked by the story… 
 
F:   AND NO MORAL OR FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM  
MY FAMILY! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   NOW SHE'S A LIAR! What about  
your father's weekly preach? 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, go back into the kitchen! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I will, but not before I've  
said what I have to say! Mr. Allen, you mustn't  
think she was so desperate and lonely. We allowed  
her to have her own dog, so she could take him out  
twice a day. 
 
F:   THAT'S WHY I PUT BLEACH ON MY NATURAL  
HAIR!… As a sign of protest… ssst… 
 
AUNT STELLA: EEEH!   
 
WOODY ALLEN:   So you really lived like  
someone ordinary… sst… 
 
F:   … Pst!… and when you live like someone  
ordinary, you forget who you are. Fortunately, I  
was not aware of that… sst… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   …Tsss!… Brilliant I must say! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   WHEN SHE SAYS SOMETHING  
BRILLIANT SHE'S NOT AWARE OF WHAT SHE'S SAYING! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   That's why you went to Japan…sst… 
 
F:   Mh… psst… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Why Japan?… s… 
 
AUNT STELLA:    You don't have to whisper anymore,  
the dinner is ready. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Oh, my God, in fact why have  
we been whispering? I mean she's been hearing  
everything, all this time! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Yes.  
 
F:   Oh, we've been whispering? I was not  
aware of that!… Aunt Stella, won't you be so kind as  
to prepare the breakfast for tomorrow morning as well? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   No. Let me tell you why  
Japan. Because… Her friends were all reasonable  
married persons, how do you suppose they would have  
opened their doors for someone so platinum blond  
haired and single? She pretended no one around here  
understood her, that’s why she left! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Yes but still that's not an  
answer to my question. Why Japan? I mean she could  
go to some other places, nearer… Moscow, for  
example… 
 
F:   Oh, I could? I was not aware of that! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   … 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Japan, Japan, why Japan?…  
Because! Do you think someone in Moscow would have  
employed her? They are too close to Romania. 
 
F:   I could get married! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F, didn't you hear what  
Aunt Stella said? Moscow is too close to Romania.  
Great sausages, Aunt Stella, I think you're right…  
This is a matter not even Miss F's most important  
biographer could solve. 
 
AUNT STELLA:    What, the sausages? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:    No, why Japan… although a  
symposium was held in Alabama, last year, under the  
title: "Truth and Romance in The First Lady's Life"… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   No kidding?… 
 
F:   Sorry, Mr. Allen… Who is my greatest  
biographer? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Sandra Brown. 
 
F:   Oh, she is? I was not aware of that! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   You know what, Miss. F! You are 
starting to get on my nerves. You're aware of nothing! 
 
DOG:   WAW! waw!  
 
WOODY ALLEN: Right!… In fact, Miss. F, what  
did you do in Japan? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Yes, what did you do? 
 
F:   Well, I meditated. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   No kidding! In Tokyo? 
 
F:   Not only. I've also been to the temple  
of Narita. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   So it's true! The same  
important biographer asserts that visiting the  
temple of Narita, you inhaled some stuff that  
produced contact with the spirit of Buddha and  
that is why everything you did on that Tokyo night,  
was not a product of your upbringing.  
 
AUNT STELLA:   I'm sure about that! 
 
F:   Yes, maybe!.. But I was no…  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Miss F, if  you're gonna say  
again 'but I was not aware of that'  
I'll…!!!%%@!!%$*^% 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Calm down, Mr. Woody Allen,  
you must get used to this. Take some cabbage. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Thank you… Miss F, try to get  
it into your head that something much more powerful  
than your will was active on that late August night in 
Tokyo, when you met The Real President of Asia! 
 
F:   Well, maybe… it was  immediately after  
my birthday. Ten days, in fact. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Thank God she repeated that  
sentence no more! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Oh, she didn't? I was not  
aware of that!… Oh, my God…  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   The cabbage is delicious,  
Aunt Stella. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   You're welcome. Let me tell  
you exactly what happened to her when she went to  
that… place. Oh, I feel disgusted! She danced!… She  
drank!… She said 'hello' to everybody who was  
smiling at her, and because men began 
to stare at her and to gather around… 
 
F:   Oh, I had a very familiar feeling, like  
being back home… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   At least, have you been aware  
of that? 
 
F:   YEEEEEESSS! 
  
AUNT STELLA:   She really felt well! Oh,  
it's disgusting!.. That's why she began to bother  
everybody with that silly question: "Sorry, but have  
you ever been to Romania?"  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   And of course, no one had. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   How do you know? Romania is  
a country with beautiful natural resources and a  
competent Government as well!… 
 
F:   But Aunt Stella, how do you know such things? 
 
AUNT STELLA:   The Government states it and  
I trust the Government! 
 
F:   Aunt Stella, I was speaking about much  
more serious matters, the way I met the love of  
my life!… 
 
DOG:   Snorr… snorrr… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   Oh! About that? I heard you  
talking with that psychologist lady, or lawyer  
lady, I don't care which of them, when she came  
here yesterday, for 1 cup of coffee, and drank 5!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   I think she lacked good  
family advice on that night.  
 
F:   Not quite. A black female voice on the  
tape was singing: "Just do what you wanna do", so  
I did it!… Really, she was singing so loud, I  
couldn't help it. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Oh, I think no one will ever  
know, it was due to the spirit of Buddha, it was  
due to that stimulating refrain or simply destiny,  
but I think that when he turned to look up  
into your eyes… and then… down to your body…  
something happened…  
 
AUNT STELLA:    Yes, he called her a SPY!…  
What would the Government say about this? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Taking into account  that she  
was so many miles away from her father, that must  
have been the first moment in her life that she  
really did what she wanted. I hope that  
the Government will make an allowance for it. 
 
AUNT STELLA:   The man must have read the 
sort of cheap denigrating literature spread I  
suppose by some kind of sick Hungarian minds all  
across The Western World,  in order to create a wrong  
image about the innocent Romanian people!  
 
DOG:   Snorr… snorrr… 
 
AUNT STELLA:   I don't like him at all!!!… 
 
F:   Well, I do! He was the most honest man  
I ever met! He told me even that his wonderful blue  
mysterious eyes were green in fact! Some other men  
in his place would have let me believe that their  
eyes were blue, for the rest of my life! And if you  
really want to know, after he called me a spy, he  
asked me to dance! 
 
AUNT STELLA:   And you did? With a beer drinker?!!! 
 
F:   Yeeeeees… I understood that the bottle  
of beer was a replacement for some answer he had never  
found in his own life. He hated his name, his job and  
something else very important that he kept hesitating  
to speak about…  
 
WOODY ALLEN:   His wife? 
 
AUNT STELLA: Oh, my God! So he's also  
married!…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 
F:   Yes, but when the music stopped, he  
told me 'I love you'.  I began to shiver into his  
arms… 
 
DOG:    Snorr… pfoooooooo!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   And? And?…  
 
DOG:   Pfooooo… _*&^_#@#… >>… !… 
 
F:   And he asked me: 'Are you someone who  
gives her telephone number to everybody?'  
"NO! Someone as sexy as I must be very selective  
with people", I said, "otherwise she gets into trouble!"  
and I began to shiver stronger and stronger. 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Couldn't that also be a  
symptom of lack of minerals? 
 
F:   Who cares about lack of minerals in such  
matters?  He felt I was an honest person too and  
someone so… vulnerable!... In fact, he was the  
first who ever noticed it!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:    Snorrr… 
 
F:   Hey, Mr. Woody Allen!… He told me 'I  
will protect you' but maybe he was not aware of  
what he was saying. What do you think? 
 
WOODY ALLEN:    He invited you to his  
hotel?… snorrr… 
 
F:   Yessss… 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   Than he must have been aware…  
snorrr… 
 
F:   Well, that's what I figured, too… I  
felt he was exactly the one I needed…  
for sure!… 
 
DOG & WOODY ALLEN:   Snorrr…  
phooooooooooooo…! 
 
F:   But don't think I accepted an offer to go to his  
hotel that first time!… No!… That night I said 'NO'! 
 
WOODY ALLEN:   The image of your father must  
have suddenly appeared in front of your eyes… By  
the way… where is that charming and the wonderful  
cook, Aunt Stella?!?… 
 
F:   Oh, under the table! She fainted when she heard  
that The Real President of Asia had a wife!… 
 
WOODY ALLEN: AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA!……………. 
 
F: AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAA 
AAAAA!>>>>>>>> 
 
DOG: WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 
aaa……….! 
 
 
			 * 
 
 
She woke up yelling:  
	'AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAH…!!!…' 
	The telephone had been ringing for a couple  
of minutes and still did. Of course, she was not  
aware of that… 
	She looked all over around to see where  
Woody Allen, the dog and Aunt Stella had  
disappeared to... She noticed only that her favourite  
sleeping T-shirt from Tokyo was wet like… Oh, my  
God!… she said and got down from her bed. 
	She looked into the mirror like a crystal  
door. Oh, my God, what a face!!!… and she quickly  
began to use her hair-brush, her mascara and cheek  
blush.  
	She heard the telephone was ringing like  
crazy… Oh!...  
	She applied some final retouch to her make- 
up and hair-do and sent a kiss to the one in the  
mirror. 
	Well, of course now she could get out of her  
room and answer the phone!… 
 
 
 
January 18, 1999
	 
 
 
 
SORRY MY DARLING BUT I'M TOO FAR TO COOK FOR YOU 
 
 
	'Hi, my darling!' 
	'Oh, my darling!… Oh!… I missed you like  
crazy!' 
	'Oh, darling, you shouldn't have done that…' 
	'I know, I know but I smelled your perfume  
last night… and… you can imagine for yourself the  
rest!………………………………… Hello!… Hello?… Darling?… Are  
you still on the phone?' 
	'Mmh… I mean… Sorry, my darling but did you  
really have a nervous breakdown? You got me  
so concerned… You do appear now to be enjoying  
yourself and have got back to your true nature…' 
	'NO!… darling… the problem still persists…' 
	'But last night?' 
	'…?' 
	'Last night after you smelled my perfume…' 
	'Oh, darling, I had a nightmare!' 
	'You mean… oh, you didn't…?' 
	'…? …Didn't what?' 
	'Never mind… Sorry, I'm stupid.' 
	'Oh, no darling! You are the most  
intelligent man I ever met! 
	'Come on, darling, you're pulling my leg?…' 
	'Never, my darling!… I never met anyone like  
you!… You are the most fascinating man in the  
world! 
	'Come on darling, I'm not so important… Just  
hold on a second, there's someone on the other  
line…' 
	'……………………………………………………………………………………' 
	'Oh, these Asian bankers!… They've been asking  
me for about a week to make time to meet their wives…'  
	'Darling, you know that I love you for who  
you are, not for what you are. When I think about  
you feeling so lonely there in Hong Kong, your job  
the same and the same, your night-life the same and  
the same, your bankers the same and the same, not  
to mention their eternal wives…  
	'Oh, darling, I still have that old thought  
of mine, to become a monk… 
	'Oh, darling, please, don't say this, you're  
breaking my heart!… I think you must be needing so  
many things over there and I'm sitting here like a  
vegetable  and… oh, darling, I feel so guilty…  
OH, I'M SO SORRY MY DARLING THAT I'M TOO  
FAR AWAY TO COOK FOR YOU!!!… Oh-oh-oh!… 
	'COOK FOR ME !?!… Darling, you really must  
be having a nervous breakdown… Is it warm in your  
house?… Please, stop crying!' 
	'Oh, yes, actually it's been so warm that  
when I woke up I had to take off the T-shirt  
from you, it was all wet. I'm wearing nothing right  
now.' 
	'You're tempting me, darling!' 
	'Why?' 
	'Because if I were you I'd go immediately  
and watch myself in a mirror and the nervous  
breakdown would be through.' 
	'Why?' 
	'BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY!… AREN'T YOU  
AWARE OF IT?' 
	'No.' 
	'Well, than take it from a pro. You have a  
great body.' 
	'But I can't do that, darling.' 
	'Why?' 
	'There's something wrong with my mirror. So  
square and so big!.. Like a crystal door… It's an  
antique and sometimes scares me.' 
	'Why, my darling?' 
	'Because it makes me feel like Alice in  
Wonderland!' 
	'…!?!' 
	'What if one day I bend over too much  
when I apply my lipstick and fall into it and… Oh  
God!… You imagine what might happen to me? It's been  
a nightmare since my childhood and I still can't get  
rid of it.' 
	'Come on, my darling, such a thing is  
impossible! The only thing that might happen is to  
cut yourself on it so take care.' 
	'No, darling, the crystal door may melt away  
and the border between reality and dream might never  
exist… That's what's happening in my nightmare and  
my nightmares are always true… By the way, I've  
been dreaming about you all this week.' 
	'Oh, my darling, you shouldn't have done  
that…' 
	'I know, I know but I couldn't have stopped  
it, there were to many people around, even God!' 
	'GOD!?!… Darling, you scare me!' 
	'And it's just the beginning!!! There's  
also been your boss…' 
	'Oh.' 
	'… your wife… 
	'OH?' 
	'… many other people I've never met…' 
	'Hm.' 
	'… my ex boy-friend…' 
	'HM!… HM!' 
	'… my girl-friends…' 
	'Mh.' 
	'… my dog, my aunt Stella and even Woody  
Allen.' 
	'WOODY ALLEN?!?^*$#**..%!!!… What's that  
ugly little bastard hanging around for!?' 
	'I still can't find the meaning of it,  
I've never met him before. Anyhow, it seemed  
he wanted to interview me.' 
	'Interview? About what?' 
	'About us.' 
	'And did you tell him…' 
	'Of course.' 
	'Everything?' 
	'Well, it seemed everybody knew…' 
	'Where from?!' 
	'I think from that employee of yours who saw  
us once having breakfast at 6 p.m. in Roppongi… Oh,  
what am I saying? Oh, it's only been dreams!…' 
	'Oh… Right… It's only dreams!?…Darling, I think… 
	'But this is not all. Other curious  
things happened to me besides this. When I think about  
you I feel like calling you TOMMY and that diary of  
mine… You know, I put down on paper all my dreams,  
the way my psychologist told me…' 
	'Is he a man?' 
	'No, she's a girl.' 
	'Right.' 
	'When I write about myself I refer to me as  
the 'she'. Darling, do you know what I think? I  
still don't believe that what happened between you  
and me was real… I mean… 
	'Of course it was real, darling, it still  
is…' 
	'Yes but for how long?' 
	'What do you mean?…' 
	'For example, my dream last night. You  
were not in it. We only spoke about you.' 
	'Who?' 
	'Aunt Stella, my dog, Woody Allen and me.' 
	'So you spoke to Woody Allen when I was  
away… You've been really naughty, you know?' 
	'Stop joking, darling… I felt so abandoned  
after the dream… oh…' 
	'Why abandoned?' 
	'Just because you were missing and my  
nightmares are always true...' 
	'Of course I was missing, I'm in Hong Kong,  
I can't be in two places at the same time!…' 
	'Oh, yes, you can… You don't know how you  
can…' 
	'… Really?………………………………………………………………………………' 
	'………………………………………………………………………………………….' 
	'………………………………………………………………………………………….' 
	'Darling?…' 
	'… Hm?…' 
	'Are you still there?…' 
	'… Oh, sorry, I was dreaming myself a little  
bit…' 
	'You know it's true, my twin spirit… We've  
meant to be with each other for 1000 years.… But I just  
couldn't wait long enough for you then and I died…  
Remember?…You cried so hard for me…' 
	'I did?…' 
	'Are you still dreaming?…' 
	'… I do… Are you still wearing nothing on  
you?…' 
	'… Yeess…' 
	'… Where are you now?…' 
	'… In an armchair… Big!… Darling, now I  
really feel so protected… The 1000 year old story…  
it explains everything… Why we understood each  
other so well, why we really found the path to  
ourselves… Remember when I told you I felt like  
melting into you with my soul and my body?…' 
	'Right…' 
	'It was true.' 
	'… True?… No more dreaming?…' 
	'… Stop joking!… My dream maker… Do you have  
time?…' 
	'… Yes … my dream…' 
	'… No one will come onto the other line?…' 
	'… No…' 
	'… And no one will burst into your office?…' 
	'… No?' 
	'… Not even your secretary?… 
	'… No…' 
	'… It seems you really have time for  
dreaming. How's that?…' 
	'… I can afford it. It's lunch break.' 
	'OH DARLING, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME! I'M  
SURE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN EATING ALL DAY AND WITH ALL  
THE STRESS YOU ARE UNDER… I KNOW HOW YOU NEGLECT  
YOURSELF AND THIS NEGLIGENCE MIGHT LEAD TO SOME  
SORT OF SERIOUS STOMACH DISEASE!…' 
	'Darling, can't we imagine you already  
prepared lunch for me and continue dreaming?' 
	'OH NO! THIS IS A VERY, VERY SERIOUS MATTER,  
I DON'T WANT TO BRING DREAMS INTO IT!' 
	'Oh………………………………………………' 
	'Darling?… Something happened to you?' 
	'… No… I was just thinking…' 
	'About what, darling?' 
	'You know, the way you twist the words, this  
gift of yours…' 
	'What do you mean, darling?' 
	'Well, I was just thinking you can get married  
with anyone you want…' 
	'Darling, you know it's not true…  
	'You seem to be loving only yourself… you  
never think about others…' 
	'Darling!… I'm not a heart-breaker!…' 
	'Oh, no, you are… The way you lift up a man  
to heaven and than you knock him down on the  
ground, telling him about… COOKING!… I'm sorry  
darling but you are the last woman in the world I  
can imagine in such a position!…  
	'Why darling? You've always been competitive  
at imagining things… You just said before that… 
	'Oh no… NO! … What a crazy idea… to COOK FOR  
ME!… Or do you simply lack imagination yourself  
lately? I could have never believed it!…' 
	'YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND I JUST WANT TO  
BE USEFUL TO YOU, TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?… OH, BUT  
IT SEEMS I'M GOOD FOR NOTHING… NO ONE NEEDS ME!…  
OOOH-Oh-oh!!!…' 
	'… Sorry, my darling, I think you're really  
having a nervous breakdown…' 
	'… Yyyyyeeess…' 
	'… Have you been out lately?' 
	'Oh no, on average only 22-23 times a month…' 
	'Oh!… Why's that!?…' 
	'I still have that cold.' 
	'… Of course, darling, you don't take care  
of yourself… Go and put something on…' 
	'It's not that. You know I started to get  
chilly when we told each other good-bye at the  
airport… My psychologist calls it "psychic frost"…' 
	'Your psychologist seems a very responsible  
person indeed….' 
	'Oh yes, she's in the same situation as I…' 
	'Pardon?…' 
	'I mean she has a similar love affair with a  
similar married similar man in France…' 
	'Oh she has?…' 
	'It just happened…' 
	'Similarly… I might say…' 
	'Yes…' 
	'And I also have a lawyer friend (a girl)  
who has a similar love affair with a similar  
married similar man in Germany.' 
	'… It seems the world is turning upside- 
down… Is no one able to stop all this?…' 
	'… No… As long as e-mail exists on  
the planet…' 
	'Oh!… By the way, darling… that's why I  
called you…' 
	'Oh!?… You… CALLED ME?!… (sorry darling I've  
not been aware of that!)… How's that… YOU CALLED  
ME?!?… DIDN'T YOU SAY YOUR TELEPHONE WAS BARRED FOR  
MAKING INTERNATIONAL CALLS???… 
	'Oh, it was… actually it still is. But I've  
just been reading an article about a Romanian soft  
engineer… you know what happened to the poor man?…' 
	'Oh, I know… I know… he's the one who  
installed my computer…' 
	'… Oh…' 
	'My psychologist wrote the article.' 
	'Oh, she did?… If I'd known that I would have  
read the article until the end…' 
	'Oh darling, you should have… I mean it has  
a very interesting professional conclusion.' 
	'Well, than I'll read it.' 
	'Please do.' 
	'Anyhow, darling, take my advice and never  
use the computer again, not even the e-mail! We'll  
find another way to communicate…  Ah! and see  
your psychologist immediately. Maybe she  
can help you somehow…' 
	'Darling, you sound so protective when you  
tell me what to do…' 
	'Right. Don't be naughty!' 
	'I'll do my best, I love you.' 
	'I love you, too.'  
 
		 
		 	 * 
 
 
She rang for centuries on the psychologist  
lady's door. She was just on the point of leaving  
when the psychologist opened it, with her eyes  
red and her nose in a handkerchief.  
	'Sweetie, you have a cold!' 
	'NO! I just e-mailed my boy-friend back in  
Paris to tell him I cannot survive the situatio-oh- 
oh-oh-oh-oh-n!…' 
	'But what happened?' 
	'Well, he said he'll be in Bucharest this  
month but he'll stay only 4 days and I waited for  
him 4 mo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-nths!…' 
	'Aha! But why do you cry?… That means he  
rewards you with a day of love for one month of  
waiting! Taking into account the distance to  
Hong Kong I think my boy-friend's reward will be  
estimated at a  rate of 1 month of waiting to 1 minute  
of love. I envy you…' 
	'Oh! You're stupid!' 
	'Really? I was told that before in my dreams… Anyhow  
I total about 4 minutes by now…' 
	'And are you pleased with that? When he'll  
come, IF HE'LL COME, he'll have so many business  
appointments, like my boy-friend that he won't have  
any time to spend with you on the phone from Bucharest,  
not even as much as he spends with you from Hong  
Ko-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ng!…' 
	'Do you really think that?… I mean… is this  
your psychological approach?' 
	'Why do you think they are on the point of 
being divorced by their wives?' 
	'Because it's their destiny to marry us!' 
	'That's po-oh-oh-etry!' 
	'Oh…' 
	'Anyhow, I'm not going to depend anymore on  
his paternal attitude, I don't need to be told  
every day 'kissy, kissy, good-night', to be treated  
like a child who sits where she's told, if he  
really was a man, he wouldn't have needed to keep  
fathering me on e-mail while he kept being THE  
OBEDIENT SON OF HIS OWN WIFE… IN PARIS!… Oh-oh-oh- 
oh-oh…' 
	'Do you think this might also apply to…  
London?' 
	'I bet it does!… To London, to Frankfurt, to  
Madrid, to Lisbon… TO THE WHOLE PLANET!!!…' 
	'Oh my God!…' 
	'…………….' 
	'But don't you think a legal approach to  
this matter will do, if the psychological and the  
poetic ones don't?… Let's speak to our friend!…' 
	'Useless… She's gone, she must be in Germany  
by now…' 
	'SHE GOT MARRIED!!!…' 
	'NO!…' 
	'…?!' 
	'She found out her boy-friend had been involved  
for many years with his best-friend's wife, who twisted 
his mind to marry him off with her sister, who was not 
so seductive, and to put her dirty hands on his money!…
AND HER HUSBAND KNEW ALL ABOUT IT!!…' 
	'Oh-my-God-I-don't-understand-a-thing. This- 
must-really-be-a-drama!…' 
	'Ohooo!…' 
	'But what is our friend doing mixed up in  
this mess?' 
	'She was invited by her boy-friend's wife  
who wanted to apologise for blaming her 3 months  
ago for destroying their marriage…' 
	'OH-MY-GOD!…' 
	'…and to hire her as counsel for the defence  
in her divorce trial!…' 
	'DON'T TELL ME SHE'LL ACCEPT!!!…' 
	'OF COURSE SHE WILL BECAUSE HER BOY FRIEND  
DOESN'T WANT A DIVORCE!!!' 
	'WHY???' 
	'BECAUSE A DIVORCE WILL MAKE HIM LOSE ALL  
HIS MONEY!…' 
	'… Why does it sound familiar to me?…' 
	'So honey, you must accept that in our  
situation the danger doesn't necessarily come from  
their wives, it comes FROM THE EVIL IN THEM!…' 
	'… Ooh?..' 
	'Ooooh!' 
	'… So… than… let's fight… THE BEAST!…' 
	'Give me a break… I'm sick of it…' 
	'… Oh, I'm so-o-oh sorry…' 
	'Never mind… I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you…  
Why did you came?' 
	'For some therapy. It's an emergency… My  
boy-friend said it would…' 
	'OH! HOW NICE OF HIM! SO PROTECTIVE!..' 
	'Isn't it?'  
	'… !… All right… Although I think this kind  
of therapy will never have the chance to work on  
you, I'll send you to someone else if you say it's  
an emergency… Sorry, I'm not in the best mood… and  
I don't want to make your boy-friend cry.' 
	'No! I can come some other time!' 
	'No, sorry, I know you seriously need it  
right now. I'll call a professor of mine who just  
moved to somewhere in the neighbourhood. He's   
very reliable and I'm sure he'll see you  
immediately.' 
 
 
				* 
 
 
She was very excited to hear what a professor of  
psychology would think about her poetic approach to  
existence. She was still arranging her curls when  
he opened the door. The professor LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE…  
 
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODY ALLEN !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!…  
!!!… !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!…  
  
She stumbled over the threshold, fell down  
and broke her leg. 


January 24, 1999

 
 



		WHY JAPAN?…

The professor in psychology felt so guilty 
for looking exactly like Woody Allen that he 
immediately needed therapy for himself. He went to 
his ex-student for this. He's still there. 
The old ladies living in the same building 
all agreed that the psychologist young lady should 
have got married first... So they demanded that the 
building administrator double her maintenance 
fees. 
	Meanwhile the young psychologist lady was 
concerned about her telephone bill. The professor 
could not be stopped ordering flowers by phone all 
the time. He was sending the flowers with his 
excuses to that innocent human being who was lying 
with a gypsum on her leg because of his look. He 
also felt so ashamed that he was sending them 
anonymously.
	The innocent human being was in bed, with 
her broken leg on four pillows. She felt very 
happy. She thought that the flowers were from her 
lover in Hong Kong who couldn't get in touch with 
her otherwise. "Oh, darling, you didn't forget that 
I love the white roses so much…" she was saying, 
kissing the roses one by one.
	She also heard from a neighbour about an old 
superstition. Whoever fell down in January was 
supposed to get married that year. Considering her 
serious fracture, the neighbour congratulated her 
upon the great match she was supposed to make.
	Meanwhile the country was shaken violently 
by the terrifying miners' syndic movement. 
Ministers were demotted and replaced one after 
another. 
	Her diary was more and more optimistic. Her 
cold completely passed. 
	The President was almost on the point of 
declaring the state of emergency when she felt she 
couldn't bear the situation any longer.
She thought it was the time to open her e-mail, 
to answer her boy-friend's proofs of love. 
So she found no better way to express her feelings 
than sending him her whole updated diary. It 
contained about 248 new pages. She clicked "send" 
and went to sleep very happy.
	A whole battalion of the military police 
force were taken hostage. Not even the retreat of 
the most important Western investors from Romania 
could convince the miners to let the soldiers 
go.
	She was just looking for her lover in a 
stable, among the horses of the military police 
force when someone rang at the door. She got down 
the bed, took her crutch and slowly moved towards 
the door, asking herself what the financial world 
had to do with the horses of the military police.
	Her neighbour was at the door asking  
to borrow $10. The neighbour had kept doing that 
since she had turned back from Japan. She looked so 
confused that the neighbour got really concerned. 
She was not an expert in financial problems but she 
was still the best in the district in making 
predictions, especially in decoding dreams.
	"How did you say the horses looked like?"
	"Black… No!… brown."
	"Girl, you must decide, this is a very 
serious matter!"
	"Almost black."
	"Aha!… Saddled or unsaddled?"
	"Hmmm… Only one of them was saddled!"
	"Aha!… Married man!"
	"Married?!!"
	"Right. Harnessed…?"
	"Yes, yes!…"
	"Married for sure!"
	"Oh…"
	"I insist… Black?"
	"I told you!..."
	"TROUBLE FOLLOWED BY SOMETHING GOOD!"
	Well, of course trouble followed by 
something good! She had fallen in January and now 
she was supposed to get married!…
	She run as quickly as she could and started 
the computer. She had to check her e-mail. The 
folder she had created especially for her lover 
seemed to be full. Yet she couldn't open it for the 
moment. She just wanted to feel the taste of the 
unexpected a little bit more. He was announcing to
her that he and his wife had finally agreed to divorce!… 
	From the moment she would have heard the news, 
another chapter in her life would have started… but 
she just couldn't say good-bye to the current one… 
it all had been so poetic… so… romantic!…
	Finally she did it and found this:

	"I have just got back from my travels so I 
have not had a chance to contact you all these 
weeks.
	Please do not send any more INTERNET 
messages. INTERNET messages particularly large ones 
(file size) are often reviewed for content by a 
separate department in our Institution. As a rule 
the INTERNET should not be used for personal 
purposes only for business. 
	I have been asked about the large message 
you have sent to me the other day.
	I have agreed that I will not receive any 
more personal messages.
	I will call you to explain.
	Sorry about this but our rules are very 
strict on the use of the INTERNET.

             	K."

	She waited for his call all the rest of the 
day. She kept waiting for another couple of weeks.
	The roses kept filling her house so she 
didn't feel this waiting so hard. She only got a 
little bit allergic to the smell of the flowers but 
she didn't care.
	One day she decided to call her friend, the 
psychologist. She noticed how much she had to 
insist because the line was continuously busy. What 
the hell was happening?… Finally a man answered and 
passed her friend on the phone.
	"Oh, did your lover come from Paris? How 
that he learned Romanian so well in such a short 
time?"
	"Oh! Oh! You don't know what's been 
happening to me lately since… Somehow you put me 
into all this trouble…"
	"Trouble? Did you also dream about the 
horses of the military police force ?"
	"What horses?… What military force?… Oh, I 
think I have to come up to explain to you all 
this!… Professor, promise you'll be a good boy and 
order flowers only five times while I'm gone?… 
Thank you… All right, I'm on my way."
	The psychologist explained the whole 
situation to her. 
	She suddenly had the vision of heaven… like 
a huge wedding cake dropped down on her head by a 
stupid waiter. 
	"What do you mean?" she could hardly ask.
	"That the professor sent you the flowers 
not… Oh! I warned you…"
	"So do you think there must be someone else 
also eager to see my lover divorced and marry him… 
in Hong Kong?"
	"It seems the man is quite a match, isn't 
he?…"
	Suddenly the cold turned back to her chest 
and she began to shiver and cough. 
	"In fact his last message was… COLD!… I 
thought it was just for convenience, because he was 
using the e-mail of the Institution… Oh! Oh!…"
	"Come on, don't cry!… What do you mean he's 
using the e-mail of the Institution? Doesn't he 
have one of his own?"
	"Oh, he's like a baby when coming to 
technics and electronics. He hardly knows how to 
use his own phone…"
	"No wonder you are both matched so well…"
	"Please, don't use The Past Tense when 
speaking about our relationship!… Maybe you'd 
better look at his message and tell me what you 
think… if I still have some hope… O-oh-oh-oh-oh-
oh…"
	The psychologist read the message once and 
stated:
	"THIS MAN HAS NO PRIVATE LIFE AT ALL!!!"
	"But he seemed to be such a free human being 
with me!… He also said he didn't take his job very 
seriously!"
	"He was just dreaming. Do you think a man in 
his position can afford to make mistakes?"
	"But if he gets involved with one of the 
women he's working with, isn't that a mistake too?"
	"That's business!"
	"Oh! Now I understand why that man he knew 
and saw us together on our first night, whispered 
that question into my year."
	"Which question?'
	"Is he drunk?"
	"And was he?"
	"Nooo… he's never been drunk with me… he's 
been…HIMSELF!!… I KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!!!…"
	She took all the roses and threw them out of 
the window. Some gypsies were just passing by. They 
looked up and thanked God for such charity, grabbed 
all the flowers and started a very prosperous 
business selling them in front of The University. 
	"No! I feel it, it's been in my dreams, 
it's not only his wife!… I remember that once, or 
twice, or more, in reality, it seemed like all our 
phones, all our letters have been controlled by 
som… HIS SECRETARY?!!!…IS HE THAT KIND OF MAN!?…
	"Or maybe someone else… Someone on a similar 
position or more!…"
 	"OH NO! NO! WHAT AM I TRYING TO DO?… ACCUSE 
SOMEONE ELSE OF MY OWN STUPIDITY?"
	"No, I don't think you're so stupid. All you 
have to do is to get an explanation from him?"
	"Shall I call him if he doesn't want me 
anymore!?… I can't do that! It's not me!"
	"What do you mean he doesn't want you 
anymore? Do you think anyone has the right to hurt 
your feelings just because someone, sometimes is in 
the mood to live a dream? THIS MAN USED YOU! You've 
been his toy!…SILLY IMATURE BASTARDS!…"
	"You're still mad with your boy-friend, 
aren't you?"
	"NO!… I lost even that right!… Would you 
fight someone who lies in his bed with flu for a 
month?…"
	"YES, IF HE CAUGHT IT FROM ANOTHER WOMAN!…"
	Meanwhile The Government agreed that the 
country should be run from under the ground, The 
Prime Minister agreed to bend in front of  the 
miners' leader and the battalion of the military 
police force was sent home. A quiet atmosphere 
installed over the general political background.


			*


That night she slept like a rock on the 
bottom of sea, in spite of those 4 coffees she had 
drank with her friend.
	Her lover passed by and made love to her on 
a big arm-chair. He also promised to take her with 
him to Amsterdam (!?!)… with one condition, to go 
to a doctor and have her face changed!… Such 
insolence!… After he had made love to her!!!!… Then 
he hid himself behind a door to drink his beer 
quietly. A mad group of dark haired women was 
shouting at him. From time to time he opened 
another door, a back one and showed up only for 
her, repeating obsessively: "Darling, there's 
nothing I can do for you… Maybe you try to do 
something!" He was holding his suitcase very tight 
as if someone would have wanted to still it from 
him. Maybe it contained some more bottles of beer. 
She didn't check although her lover passed her the 
suitcase to hold, for security.
	She moved instantly to a modelling agency 
abroad, between tulips!… She was just explaining to 
her father what a great job opportunity she had 
found. She was still doubting if she was supposed 
to tell him the real reason for living his house… 
when those dark haired mad women attacked her with 
their long, Chinese, iron nails!… To take her 
suitcase!… Aaaaaaa! That was unbearable!… she hated 
false nails!…
	She grabbed a sword, God knows how that 
thing appeared so quickly on a chair near her but 
she remembered her fencing lessons from The Acting 
School and turned against those crazy bastards and 
hit them, hit them, hit them… until their nails 
and heads flew away!
	Than she made a telephone call and 
instantly, long white veils began to pour out from 
the monitor of her computer… almost to cover her. 
	So she fell down. She was trying to get up, 
breaking the veils one by one. She was just a step 
away from her computer which she wanted to turn 
off. She had to break one more veil for that. She 
finally did it and from behind that veil suddenly 
appeared HER LOVER!!!…. He was holding (of course!) 
a bottle of beer in his hand and appealed to her 
with that irresistible smile of his. He said: 
"Darling, won't you drink with me?". She drank. He 
was irresistible. Than they both disappeared behind 
the veils, into the computer, walking towards a 
shiny world. Two huge statues representing a couple 
broke the rocky surface of the Earth and came out 
to light. The statue representing the woman was 
holding a big bunch of pink roses in her arms. The 
statue of the man started to move and she 
recognised on the face of that statue, the smile of 
her lover. Now SHE WAS AWARE that the other statue 
was SHE!!! She also started to move, to embrace 
him. The pink roses fell down on the ground and 
covered the Earth.
	She woke up with the feeling that something 
was missing… Aha! Her dream missed a Wagner sound track.
	"Oh, my  God, I'll go crazy!"
	She was not aware of what she was doing 
so she took up the phone and called HIM!
	"Oh, darling, I'm so glad to hear you!…" 
	"Glad, ah!?… Why didn't you call me for so 
long?…"
	"Travelling…"
	"Travelling??? With who?…"
	"Darling, I… "
	"DON'T DARLING ME!!!…"
	"But darling, this doesn't sound like you… 
It sounds like my wife!…"
	"Oh! It does?…I'm glad to hear that… It seems I 
still have a hope!…"
	"What do you mean?…"
	"To turn myself into a normal woman, WITH A NORMAL 
LIFE!!!…"
	"But darling, you'll loose your charm!…"
	"Right! So you choose! Enjoy my charm or enjoy 
collective hysteria for the rest of your life!…"
	"Darling, there are a lot of things that a 
man must take into consideration…" 
	"Like what?…"
	"His duties!…"
	"Which duties?…" 
	"Like…" 
	"Do you want me to come over there to prove you 
it's not like that???…"
	"How can you be so sure!?…"
	"FROM MY DREAMS!…YOU KNOW MY DREAMS NEVER LIE!… I know all 
what you do!… And you still dare to come and make 
love to me!… and tell me to change my face!!!… At 
least you could have told me to cut my hair, IT'S 
LONG NOW!…But this doesn't seem to interest you any 
more!…"
	A long pause filled the air between Hong 
Kong and Bucharest. A commercial about "Choopa-
Choop" filled the screen of the TV at the same 
time.
	"What did you dream about me?… ALL!... And I 
know you won't move to London, you'll move to 
Amsterdam!…"
	(TV commercial pause featuring "Ariel")  
	"That's what you told me when we made love…" 
	"And what else did I tell you?… That you'll 
take me with you…"
	"I did!? It means… But how!?… 
	"Yeees, IF I'LL CHANGE MY FACE!… You know, 
all those shouting women look worse than I do!…"
	"I agree…"
	"OH, YOU AGREE!!!…"
	"No, I just meant you are the most 
beautiful woman I've ever seen…"
	"Oh, my God, my ex-boy friend wanted to come 
back to me, to marry me…"
	"Oh, he did?…"
	"But I said NOOO, NOW I LOVE SOMEONE 
ELSE!… AND NOW YOU ARE LIKE A COUSIN TO ME!… WHAT A 
STUPID!…"
	"Why, darling? Sometimes marriages between 
cousins are allowed…"
	"I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE THE FEELING I'M 
ACTING MY OWN LIFE IN A WOODY ALLEN PRODUCTION!…"
	"But, darling, in Tokyo you've told me 
you had loved that man so much!… When you love a 
man so much, you must go after him!…"
	"I HAD LOVED HIM… UNTIL I MET YOU!!!… 
OH! YOU REALLY WANT TO GET RID OF ME?!!!… DON'T YOU?…"
	(No more commercials.)
	"Darling, you know it's not true…"
	"Then prove it to me!… E-mail me again!…"
	"But darling, that's quite a responsibility, 
I don't like responsibilities. Do you know what a 
collective hysteria that diary of yours produced up 
here? They brought the IT department to open the files!… 
Men thought it was a codified terrorist message while 
women became terrorists themselves!… With me!!!… They 
still are!… I think I should have called you to explain 
at that moment but…"
	"I DON'T CARE, I TOLD YOU I KNOW!"
	"So you don't like responsibilities? A minute 
ago you spoke about DUTIES!…"
	"That's something else!…"
	"Oh, yes? Why not make your duty and… PAY ME 
A TAXI UP TO HONG KONG?…"
	"But how darling, you're East-European, 
you'll need a visa to enter Hong Kong! When you 
get it I might be in Amsterdam!…" 
	"Visa?!… Amsterdam!?…Don't you worry, you just pay 
me the taxi, I'LL DO THE REST!!!… Remember?… Ah! 
One more thing! Tell me, why did I have to come up 
to Japan to meet you? There were hundreds of guys 
like you hanging around my block, even thousands?…" 
	"I don't know, you tell me, you seem to know 
everything…"
	"Oh no! You tell me!… No! You tell me… 
You tell me!…No, you!…"
	Both in the same time: "All right then! Do 
you want to know why?… BECAUSE!!!!" and they both 
hang up.
	She looked at the gyps on her leg and added 
	"Oh, yeees… 'I'll do the rest!'… O-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-
…"

			*


The professor in psychology rang at her door 
with a package in his hand and said: "Will you 
marry me?"
	She ignored the package and said: 
	"Professor, if you take me to the hospital 
immediately to take off my gyps, I'll let you… 
touch my fracture!!!…" 
	The professor in psychology was supposed to 
be appointed as The Minister of Mental Health of 
Romania only 2 years later but she was not aware of 
that. So she never kept her promise about the 
fracture. 
	After the gyps was taken off, she had a 
revelation. Her lover had told her: "WHEN YOU LOVE 
A MAN SO MUCH, YOU MUST GO AFTER HIM!"… 
	She told the professor all her story as if 
had happened to a friend of her. Asked for his 
opinion. 
	The professor said: "Well, of course your 
friend mustn't come back to her ex-lover!… Her 
current one doesn't seem so determined to give up the 
relationship. He is still continuing to play her 
games on the phone. Regarding the dreams, they say 
the truth because his subconscious appeals to her 
help. He is too much involved in a system contrary 
to his nature. So his subconscious will always run 
there where its needs are completely fulfilled. 
Even if the man is still not aware of it, all he 
does is to test your friend's feelings. If a King 
has to give up a Crown, he must know why!…"
King?!… Aha!… That's why he used to call her 
"The Queen of Tokyo"!…
	She kissed the professor and took the first 
taxi she found.
	The professor remained mute and told to an 
old lady waiting for the bus: "You see, she did not 
even look at this package. I bought her a small 
beautiful delicate Japanese tree like her, a 
"bonsai"… (Much better for him she hadn't seen 
it!…)
	The old lady was deaf so the professor 
carried that tree with him ever after and called it 
"F". His secretary said that, when he was a 
Minister, the professor used to keep the tree on 
his desk and often asked it: "Darling, shall I 
order McDonalds for you too?…"


			*


She was on the airport, waiting for her 
plane to her contract. Well, it was not quite for a 
modelling agency but at least it was in Amsterdam 
and it was the best thing she could find to 
convince her King quicker to give up his Crown. On 
her way to the airport, she also bought a book 
about cooking… just for any case…
 

     (To be continued on TV, radio, newspapers 
and Internet. Just watch what will come out of this…)
 



February…, 1999





			BECAUSE…

	Because the new terrestrial era already 
started, I feel it's my duty to bring you the news. 
I was too busy with this book lately and I had no 
time at all to check my newspapers. So, look what I 
found about the new era. I think there must be a 
time misunderstanding hidden somewhere in the 
history… Be sure of that, the year 2000 has nothing 
to do with it… we're still in 1999!…:



	Romania - Bucharest - "The Important Daily 
Event Journal": Yesterday morning, on the airport 
of Bucharest, a normal Arabian young man whispered 
into the ear of a crippled blonde Romanian girl: 
"Ya habibi… Come hotel… Have nice stockings for 
you, miss…" The crippled blonde kicked the Arabian 
on his head, with her stick. The Arabian fainted 
and started to bleed. People gathered instantly 
around him, so no one could see where the crippled 
blonde disappeared. In fact, this is not so 
important. The most important thing is that The 
Government doesn't pay attention to such matters as 
much as it should!… When we, the Romanian people 
will learn to respect our most important foreign 
investors?… We still hope that our crippled 
compatriot was not aware about what she was doing. 
The young Arabian man happens to be the 17-th son 
of the 23-rd nephew of the 232-nd cousin of The 
Sheickh of Baghdad's 14-th brother. Absolutely 
normally, the man promised to take the first plane 
to Amsterdam (?!!), to revenge his honour.



	"Amsterdam Breakfast Journal" -  front page: 
"A platinum blond haired young lady walking with a 
stick and a group of darker haired ladies with 
false nails all met in the duty free perfume shop 
at the airport. They all asked for "TOMMY 
HILFIGER". All their lovers' birthdays were 
supposed to be very soon (on the same day by 
coincidence!). When the platinum blond haired lady 
asked for the product, she also asked for a 
greetings card to be attached to the present. She 
gave her name and her lover's for that purpose. 
Suddenly, a whole collective hysteria started from 
the group of the darker haired ladies. They said: 
"Look, this is the Russian who turned upside down 
the computers network of our Institution!" The 
platinum blond haired one turned to them and said: 
"Wasn't she Romanian, as a matter of fact?" 
"Russian or Romanian it's the same!" answered the 
others, pointing their false nails to her face. 
That seemed to be a very big mistake on their 
part, as the platinum blond haired lady replied: 
"Oh… NOOO!… Romania is something else! Romania is a 
LATIN country with very beautiful natural resources 
and a very competent Government as well!" Than she 
started to kick the darker haired ladies with her 
stick untill they all fainted. When they recovered 
they each took planes in different directions: to 
Hong Kong, to London, to Korea, to the Philippines and 
on a few other airlines. They all left their false nails 
on the field of the battle. The platinum blond 
haired lady was kept by the airport authorities. A 
young Arabian man who happened to enter the shop 
during the fight, also got a stick on his head. He 
hasn't recovered yet."



	"Amsterdam Cocktail Between The Meals 
Journal": "Physicals and organisations all over the 
world warmly congratulate the young Romanian blonde 
for her patriotism."



	Romania - 200 km far away from Bucharest - 
"The Unimportant Daily Event Journal": We've been 
told by foreign news agencies that a blonde 
compatriot of ours became famous all over the world 
for her proofs of patriotism. This is a matter 
still not so important for our newspaper, so we 
kindly appeal to our colleagues abroad to address 
this kind of news to a Romanian newspaper a little 
bit far away from ours. We are much more interested 
in the adventures of a certain Arabian globe-
trotter.



	"Amsterdam Supper News" - (first page, 
obviously):  "A very important English businessman 
wearing sunglasses came from London tonight, with 
an emergency flight. He had heared from BBC about 
the ethnically charged event in Amsterdam airport. 
He offered himself to pay the bail set for the 
platinum blond haired young lady. He said to her: 
"You see, it's not for the money or some other 
reasons you dreamed about, I didn't pay you the 
taxi. I was just concerned about the formalities 
you had to carry on first. Really!" None of the 
officials there understood the meaning of his 
words. They are still thinking about it. The 
mystery was amplified when the businessman's wife 
called immediately after he and the Romanian 
platinum blonde left the airport to an unknown 
destination. His wife said: 'OH!-IT'S-DISGUSTING!-
HOW-CAN-A-MAN-INSIST-ON-GOING-TO-WORK-IN-AMSTERDAM-
IF-HIS-WIFE-SAYS-HE'S-NOT-ALLOWED-TO!!!???… ^%.$# 
@* !!!~2!#*.. ????!!!"



	"Daily London Five O'clock Tea Journal": The 
honourable citizen of London who became famous for 
supporting with his own money the ethnic 
conflict in Amsterdam airport, was congratulated 
by The British Government today, in an
official meeting. On this occasion, he was also 
appointed in a very important diplomatic post at 
Rio de Janeiro. We asked the important businessman 
we are proud to have as a fellow citizen: "What 
do you think about your new post, Sir?" He 
answered: 'Well, I'm glad it's far away from… 
trouble.' The 'trouble' called us later on at the 
editorial office. She was very mad and she refused 
to speak directly to her husband. She kept 
threatening us on the phone for a couple of hours. 
She sayed that she will divorce the honourable 
citizen of London if he doesn't stay home." 



 	"International Laws Tribune" - Thanksgiving 
Edition: "Finally someone is willing to protect the 
rights of Men! A young lawyer lady from Romania 
founded a organisation called 'Revolutionary Style 
Divorce', based on the Romanian law concerning this 
matter. This means that every man is free to 
divorce when he wants, how he wants, without being 
enforced to pay any kind of allowance to his ex-
wife, except the one for their children. Many of 
our colleagues, even married, hurried to propose to 
the leader of the new organisation."



	Sandra Brown -"The Passionate Love Volumes 
no. 146, 147…………          .285": "He brought her a 
laptop as birthday present. He asked her to carry 
it all over when accompanying him on his travels. 
He realised he couldn't give up her e-mail messages 
even now, when they were both free and all the time 
so close to each other… She kissed him and looked 
into his eyes. That happened in the lobby of 'La 
Plazza' Hotel in New York, where they were just 
moving in. 'Waw, thought the lift-boy carrying 
their luggage, I'd better never pass between these 
two people, I might be electrocuted by the passion 
between them…' Everybody around noticed that and 
couldn't interfere the unique dream the lovers were 
living. So all the assistants took the next 
elevator on the right."



	"Psychological Hot Events" - Monthly Inner 
Specialty Journal: "Our highly appreciated young 
colleague, author of the revolutionary study about 
the influence of the computers upon soft 
professionals and much more… disappeared 
completely! Her highly respected professor said 
that one morning she turned on her computer to read 
her horoscope. By mistake, she clicked on the 
"travel" section where she found this: 'City of the 
day - Tokyo. Tokyo is the town were lovers start 
living their dreams…' She said: 'Oh, my God, I'll go 
crazy myself, I need therapy!' and took the first 
plane to… Paris! We invite our young colleague to 
come to explain her apparently illogical deed in 
front of our board of specialists. Her psychological 
point of view might be interesting for the future 
of mankind and as revolutionary as her previous 
study."



	Romania - 568 km far away from Bucharest - 
"The Daily Event Which Must Not Be Taken At All In 
Consideration" - Hot News: "About a month ago, a 
journalist, representative of 'Hong Kong Daily Pot 
of Rice Editorial' visited us, at the editing 
office. He was asking us to publish an 
announcement, in order to find the author of the 
work entitled: 'The Romantic Diary From The 
Japanese Garden'. The author is supposed to be 
Romanian. Her work was found by a woman working at 
the IT department from a certain financial 
institution located in Asia. She could not stop 
crying since reading the work. She asked her lover 
married to a famous publisher abroad to do whatever 
he could to publish that thing. The publishing 
company was finally interested in it and is looking 
for the author to sign a contract with them. The 
author is supposed to get a fortune out of this. 
'But how can she sign, said the journalist from 
Hong Kong, if she's not aware of what's happening?' 
We had to apologise as such an extremely minor 
event was not even for the competence of our 
newspaper. So we suggested to him that he address over 
the border on this matter. We want to sleep."   



Rio de Janeiro - "Samba on Paper": "A 
charming blonde from Romania was crowned as 'The 
Queen of Dizzy Crazy Samba Club' of this year. 
Everybody got extremely curious to find out how 
this thing could be possible… as she and the man 
who seemed to be her lover had been drinking only 
orange juice the whole night!… She was asked about 
her profession. She said: 'E-mail writer.' Her man 
said: 'Mh.' when he was asked about his. She kept 
kissing the bunch of pink roses she had been given. 
She and her lover refused to take their sunglasses 
off until they left the place."



	And this is just the beginning of it!… 
Believe me, the rest continues to get solved by 
itself. So keep your eyes on this further, the way 
I told you…


               F's  Computer



February 8, 1999


 
 
  
If you'd like to tell me what you think of my work contact: 
			   florina@cygenesis.co.uk