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        'Hi, my darling!' 
        'Oh, my darling!… Oh!… I missed you like  
crazy!' 
        'Oh, darling, you shouldn't have done that…' 
        'I know, I know but I smelled your perfume  
last night… and… you can imagine for yourself the  
rest!………………………………… Hello!… Hello?… Darling?… Are  
you still on the phone?' 
        'Mmh… I mean… Sorry, my darling but did you  
really have a nervous breakdown? You got me  
so concerned… You do appear now to be enjoying  
yourself and have got back to your true nature…' 
        'NO!… darling… the problem still persists…' 
        'But last night?' 
        '...?' 
        'Last night after you smelled my perfume…' 
        'Oh, darling, I had a nightmare!' 
        'You mean… oh, you didn't…?' 
        '…? …Didn't what?' 
        'Never mind… Sorry, I'm stupid.' 
        'Oh, no darling! You are the most  
intelligent man I ever met! 
        'Come on, darling, you're pulling my leg?…' 
        'Never, my darling!… I never met anyone like  
you!… You are the most fascinating man in the  
world! 
        'Come on darling, I'm not so important… Just  
hold on a second, there's someone on the other  
line…' 
        '……………………………………………………………………………………' 
        'Oh, these Asian bankers!… They've been asking  
me for about a week to make time to meet their wives…'  
        'Darling, you know that I love you for who  
you are, not for what you are. When I think about  
you feeling so lonely there in Hong Kong, your job  
the same and the same, your night-life the same and  
the same, your bankers the same and the same, not  
to mention their eternal wives…  
        'Oh, darling, I still have that old thought  
of mine, to become a monk… 
        'Oh, darling, please, don't say this, you're  
breaking my heart!… I think you must be needing so  
many things over there and I'm sitting here like a  
vegetable  and… oh, darling, I feel so guilty…  
OH, I'M SO SORRY MY DARLING THAT I'M TOO  
FAR AWAY TO COOK FOR YOU!!!… Oh-oh-oh!… 
        'COOK FOR ME !?!… Darling, you really must  
be having a nervous breakdown… Is it warm in your  
house?… Please, stop crying!' 
        'Oh, yes, actually it's been so warm that  
when I woke up I had to take off the T-shirt  
from you, it was all wet. I'm wearing nothing right  
now.' 
        'You're tempting me, darling!' 
        'Why?' 
        'Because if I were you I'd go immediately  
and watch myself in a mirror and the nervous  
breakdown would be through.' 
        'Why?' 
        'BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY!… AREN'T YOU  
AWARE OF IT?' 
        'No.' 
        'Well, than take it from a pro. You have a  
great body.' 
        'But I can't do that, darling.' 
        'Why?' 
        'There's something wrong with my mirror. So  
square and so big!.. Like a crystal door… It's an  
antique and sometimes scares me.' 
        'Why, my darling?' 
        'Because it makes me feel like Alice in  
Wonderland!' 
        '...!?!' 
        'What if one day I bend over too much  
when I apply my lipstick and fall into it and… Oh  
God!… You imagine what might happen to me? It's been  
a nightmare since my childhood and I still can't get  
rid of it.' 
        'Come on, my darling, such a thing is  
impossible! The only thing that might happen is to  
cut yourself on it so take care.' 
        'No, darling, the crystal door may melt away  
and the border between reality and dream might never  
exist… That's what's happening in my nightmare and  
my nightmares are always true… By the way, I've  
been dreaming about you all this week.' 
        'Oh, my darling, you shouldn't have done  
that…' 
        'I know, I know but I couldn't have stopped  
it, there were to many people around, even God!' 
        'GOD!?!… Darling, you scare me!' 
        'And it's just the beginning!!! There's  
also been your boss…' 
        'Oh.' 
        '… your wife… 
        'OH?' 
        '… many other people I've never met…' 
        'Hm.' 
        '… my ex boy-friend…' 
        'HM!… HM!' 
        '… my girl-friends…' 
        'Mh.' 
        '… my dog, my aunt Stella and even Woody  
Allen.' 
        'WOODY ALLEN?!?^*$#**..%!!!… What’s that  
ugly little bastard hanging around for!?' 
        'I still can't find the meaning of it,  
I've never met him before. Anyhow, it seemed  
he wanted to interview me.' 
        'Interview? About what?' 
        'About us.' 
        'And did you tell him…' 
        'Of course.' 
        'Everything?' 
        'Well, it seemed everybody knew…' 
        'Where from?!' 
        'I think from that employee of yours who saw  
us once having breakfast at 6 p.m. in Roppongi… Oh,  
what am I saying? Oh, it's only been dreams!…' 
        'Oh… Right… It's only dreams!?…Darling, I think… 
        'But this is not all. Other curious  
things happened to me besides this. When I think about  
you I feel like calling you TOMMY and that diary of  
mine… You know, I put down on paper all my dreams,  
the way my psychologist told me…' 
        'Is he a man?' 
        'No, she's a girl.' 
        'Right.' 
        'When I write about myself I refer to me as  
the 'she'. Darling, do you know what I think? I  
still don't believe that what happened between you  
and me was real… I mean… 
        'Of course it was real, darling, it still  
is…' 
        'Yes but for how long?' 
        'What do you mean?…' 
        'For example, my dream last night. You  
were not in it. We only spoke about you.' 
        'Who?' 
        'Aunt Stella, my dog, Woody Allen and me.' 
        'So you spoke to Woody Allen when I was  
away… You've been really naughty, you know?' 
        'Stop joking, darling… I felt so abandoned  
after the dream… oh…' 
        'Why abandoned?' 
        'Just because you were missing and my  
nightmares are always true...' 
        'Of course I was missing, I'm in Hong Kong,  
I can't be in two places at the same time!…' 
        'Oh, yes, you can… You don't know how you  
can…' 
        '… Really?………………………………………………………………………………' 
        '………………………………………………………………………………………….' 
        '………………………………………………………………………………………….' 
        'Darling?…' 
        '… Hm?…' 
        'Are you still there?…' 
        '… Oh, sorry, I was dreaming myself a little  
bit…' 
        'You know it's true, my twin spirit… We’ve  
meant to be with each other for 1000 years.… But I just  
couldn't wait long enough for you then and I died…  
Remember?…You cried so hard for me…' 
        'I did?…' 
        'Are you still dreaming?…' 
        '… I do… Are you still wearing nothing on  
you?…' 
        '… Yeess…' 
        '… Where are you now?…' 
        '… In an armchair… Big!… Darling, now I  
really feel so protected… The 1000 year old story…  
it explains everything… Why we understood each  
other so well, why we really found the path to  
ourselves… Remember when I told you I felt like  
melting into you with my soul and my body?…' 
        'Right…' 
        'It was true.' 
        '… True?… No more dreaming?…' 
        '… Stop joking!… My dream maker… Do you have  
time?…' 
        '… Yes … my dream…' 
        '… No one will come onto the other line?…' 
        '… No…' 
        '… And no one will burst into your office?…' 
        '… No?' 
        '… Not even your secretary?… 
        '… No…' 
        '… It seems you really have time for  
dreaming. How's that?…' 
        '… I can afford it. It's lunch break.' 
        'OH DARLING, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME! I'M  
SURE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN EATING ALL DAY AND WITH ALL  
THE STRESS YOU ARE UNDER… I KNOW HOW YOU NEGLECT  
YOURSELF AND THIS NEGLIGENCE MIGHT LEAD TO SOME  
SORT OF SERIOUS STOMACH DISEASE!…' 
        'Darling, can't we imagine you already  
prepared lunch for me and continue dreaming?' 
        'OH NO! THIS IS A VERY, VERY SERIOUS MATTER,  
I DON'T WANT TO BRING DREAMS INTO IT!' 
        'Oh………………………………………………' 
        'Darling?… Something happened to you?' 
        '… No… I was just thinking…' 
        'About what, darling?' 
        'You know, the way you twist the words, this  
gift of yours…' 
        'What do you mean, darling?' 
        'Well, I was just thinking you can get married  
with anyone you want…' 
        'Darling, you know it's not true…  
        'You seem to be loving only yourself… you  
never think about others…' 
        'Darling!… I'm not a heart-breaker!…' 
        'Oh, no, you are… The way you lift up a man  
to heaven and than you knock him down on the  
ground, telling him about… COOKING!… I'm sorry  
darling but you are the last woman in the world I  
can imagine in such a position!…  
        'Why darling? You've always been competitive  
at imagining things… You just said before that… 
        'Oh no… NO! … What a crazy idea… to COOK FOR  
ME!… Or do you simply lack imagination yourself  
lately? I could have never believed it!…' 
        'YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND I JUST WANT TO  
BE USEFUL TO YOU, TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?… OH, BUT  
IT SEEMS I'M GOOD FOR NOTHING… NO ONE NEEDS ME!…  
OOOH-Oh-oh!!!…' 
        '… Sorry, my darling, I think you're really  
having a nervous breakdown…' 
        '… Yyyyyeeess…' 
        '… Have you been out lately?' 
        'Oh no, on average only 22-23 times a month…' 
        'Oh!… Why's that!?…' 
        'I still have that cold.' 
        '… Of course, darling, you don't take care  
of yourself… Go and put something on…' 
        'It's not that. You know I started to get  
chilly when we told each other good-bye at the  
airport… My psychologist calls it "psychic frost"…' 
        'Your psychologist seems a very responsible  
person indeed….' 
        'Oh yes, she's in the same situation as I…' 
        'Pardon?…' 
        'I mean she has a similar love affair with a  
similar married similar man in France…' 
        'Oh she has?…' 
        'It just happened…' 
        'Similarly… I might say…' 
        'Yes…' 
        'And I also have a lawyer friend (a girl)  
who has a similar love affair with a similar  
married similar man in Germany.' 
        '… It seems the world is turning upside- 
down… Is no one able to stop all this?…' 
        '… No… As long as e-mail exists on  
the planet…' 
        'Oh!… By the way, darling… that’s why I  
called you…' 
        'Oh!?… You… CALLED ME?!… (sorry darling I've  
not been aware of that!)… How's that… YOU CALLED  
ME?!?… DIDN'T YOU SAY YOUR TELEPHONE WAS BARRED FOR  
MAKING INTERNATIONAL CALLS???… 
        'Oh, it was… actually it still is. But I've  
just been reading an article about a Romanian soft  
engineer… you know what happened to the poor man?…' 
        'Oh, I know… I know… he's the one who  
installed my computer…' 
        '… Oh…' 
        'My psychologist wrote the article.' 
        'Oh, she did?… If I'd known that I would have  
read the article until the end…' 
        'Oh darling, you should have… I mean it has  
a very interesting professional conclusion.' 
        'Well, than I'll read it.' 
        'Please do.' 
        'Anyhow, darling, take my advice and never  
use the computer again, not even the e-mail! We'll  
find another way to communicate…  Ah! and see  
your psychologist immediately. Maybe she  
can help you somehow…' 
        'Darling, you sound so protective when you  
tell me what to do…' 
        'Right. Don't be naughty!' 
        'I'll do my best, I love you.' 
        'I love you, too.'  
 
                 
                        * 
 
 
She rang for centuries on the psychologist  
lady's door. She was just on the point of leaving  
when the psychologist opened it, with her eyes  
red and her nose in a handkerchief.  
        'Sweetie, you have a cold!' 
        'NO! I just e-mailed my boy-friend back in  
Paris to tell him I cannot survive the situatio-oh- 
oh-oh-oh-oh-n!…' 
        'But what happened?' 
        'Well, he said he'll be in Bucharest this  
month but he'll stay only 4 days and I waited for  
him 4 mo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-nths!…' 
        'Aha! But why do you cry?… That means he  
rewards you with a day of love for one month of  
waiting! Taking into account the distance to  
Hong Kong I think my boy-friend's reward will be  
estimated at a  rate of 1 month of waiting to 1 minute  
of love. I envy you…' 
        'Oh! You're stupid!' 
        'Really? I was told that before in my dreams… Anyhow  
I total about 4 minutes by now…' 
        'And are you pleased with that? When he'll  
come, IF HE'LL COME, he'll have so many business  
appointments, like my boy-friend that he won't have  
any time to spend with you on the phone from Bucharest,  
not even as much as he spends with you from Hong  
Ko-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ng!…' 
        'Do you really think that?… I mean… is this  
your psychological approach?' 
        'Why do you think they are on the point of 
being divorced by their wives?' 
        'Because it’s their destiny to marry us!' 
        'That's po-oh-oh-etry!' 
        'Oh…' 
        'Anyhow, I'm not going to depend anymore on  
his paternal attitude, I don't need to be told  
every day 'kissy, kissy, good-night', to be treated  
like a child who sits where she's told, if he  
really was a man, he wouldn't have needed to keep  
fathering me on e-mail while he kept being THE  
OBEDIENT SON OF HIS OWN WIFE… IN PARIS!… Oh-oh-oh- 
oh-oh…' 
        'Do you think this might also apply to…  
London?' 
        'I bet it does!… To London, to Frankfurt, to  
Madrid, to Lisbon… TO THE WHOLE PLANET!!!…' 
        'Oh my God!…' 
        '…………….' 
        'But don't you think a legal approach to  
this matter will do, if the psychological and the  
poetic ones don't?… Let's speak to our friend!…' 
        'Useless… She's gone, she must be in Germany  
by now…' 
        'SHE GOT MARRIED!!!…' 
        'NO!…' 
        '...?!' 
        'She found out her boy-friend had been involved  
for many years with his best-friend's wife, who twisted 
his mind to marry him off with her sister, who was not 
so seductive, and to put her dirty hands on his money!…
AND HER HUSBAND KNEW ALL ABOUT IT!!…' 
        'Oh-my-God-I-don't-understand-a-thing. This- 
must-really-be-a-drama!…' 
        'Ohooo!…' 
        'But what is our friend doing mixed up in  
this mess?' 
        'She was invited by her boy-friend's wife  
who wanted to apologise for blaming her 3 months  
ago for destroying their marriage…' 
        'OH-MY-GOD!…' 
        '…and to hire her as counsel for the defence  
in her divorce trial!…' 
        'DON'T TELL ME SHE'LL ACCEPT!!!…' 
        'OF COURSE SHE WILL BECAUSE HER BOY FRIEND  
DOESN'T WANT A DIVORCE!!!' 
        'WHY???' 
        'BECAUSE A DIVORCE WILL MAKE HIM LOSE ALL  
HIS MONEY!…' 
        '… Why does it sound familiar to me?…' 
        'So honey, you must accept that in our  
situation the danger doesn't necessarily come from  
their wives, it comes FROM THE EVIL IN THEM!…' 
        '… Ooh?..' 
        'Ooooh!' 
        '… So… than… let's fight… THE BEAST!…' 
        'Give me a break… I'm sick of it…' 
        '… Oh, I'm so-o-oh sorry…' 
        'Never mind… I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you…  
Why did you came?' 
        'For some therapy. It's an emergency… My  
boy-friend said it would…' 
        'OH! HOW NICE OF HIM! SO PROTECTIVE!..' 
        'Isn't it?'  
        '… !… All right… Although I think this kind  
of therapy will never have the chance to work on  
you, I'll send you to someone else if you say it's  
an emergency… Sorry, I'm not in the best mood… and  
I don't want to make your boy-friend cry.' 
        'No! I can come some other time!' 
        'No, sorry, I know you seriously need it  
right now. I'll call a professor of mine who just  
moved to somewhere in the neighbourhood. He's   
very reliable and I'm sure he'll see you  
immediately.' 
 
 
                        * 
 
 
She was very excited to hear what a professor of  
psychology would think about her poetic approach to  
existence. She was still arranging her curls when  
he opened the door. The professor LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE…  
 
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODY ALLEN !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!…  
!!!… !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!… !!!…  
  
She stumbled over the threshold, fell down  
and broke her leg. 


January 24, 1999

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