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SOCIETY

A fashion event took place in Monte Carlo. Naomi Campbell 
was the star of the event. A German was in the audience 
and thought about his wife who was on a trip to Hawaii. She  
was expecting him to join her for the week-end.    
        'Oh, mein Gott, if Naomi Campbell would change places  
with my wife'…  
        She didn't. So the German went to a business meeting  
next morning and fell in love with a young lawyer lady from  
Romania. She looked much more like Elizabeth Taylor but it  
didn't matter. 
        Another fashion event took place in Paris. Cindy  
Crawford was the star. A Frenchman was in the audience and  
looked at his wife sitting besides him. She was only sitting.  
        'Ah, mon Dieu, if Cindy Crawford would change places  
with my wife'…  
        She didn't. So, after a week, the Frenchman went to  
Romania to sign a contract and fell in love with a  
psychologist lady. She looked much more like Lauren Bacall  
but it didn't matter. 
        The most important fashion event of the year took place  
in Tokyo. 
        Why Tokyo? Why Japan? BECAUSE!…  
        Here, the star was Claudia Schiffer.  
        An Englishman was in the audience and thought about his  
wife in London. She was waiting for him to move his business  
to their home town for ever. 
        'Oh, my God, if Claudia Schiffer would change places  
with my wife'…  
        She didn't. So the Englishman went to a club late that  
night and fell in love with a Romanian show-girl. She looked  
much more like Marilyn Monroe but it didn't matter. 
        The  show-girl, the psychologist lady and the lawyer  
lady were all very good friends. So, after a while, they all  
met at the psychologist lady's place for a chat. They hadn't  
seen each other for a long time so they started with the  
subject of love. They never did finish the subject but it  
doesn't matter. 
        The psychologist lady worked on a very important  
project on her computer but checked her e-mail all the time.  
She looked extremely happy whenever she did that.  
        'What's happening?' asked the other two. 
        'My boy-friend in Paris insists on making love by  
e-mail.' 
        'And why don't you do it?!… Oh, sorry, we’re disturbing  
you…' 
        'Oh, no! My e-mail’s an old fashioned type. It needs  
to be adapted for that purpose.'  
        'Oooh!' did the others.  
        The lawyer lady said making love by e-mail was a  
revolutionary idea and the computer from her company would  
do. Besides the e-mail exchange would be charged to the  
company. The show-girl said she had won enough money in Japan  
to buy the best computer with the best e-mail in the world  
but asked permission to use the lawyer lady's one until  
she acquired one. The lady lawyer also invited the psychologist  
lady to join them, of course after her boss and all the other  
employees had left the premises. 
        Thus the hottest e-mail all over the world started.  
Light coloured heart shaped clouds were floating from  
outboxes to inboxes, from Romania to Germany, to England, to  
France and to all the other countries the boy-friends were  
travelling in. The answers came back to Romania, in the same  
light coloured heart shaped clouds growing bigger and bigger.  
And so on… 
        The three young ladies had the fun of their life for a  
week, until they heard a click inside the monitor and the  
screen turned black. Three desperate men in three different  
places on Earth made a mess of their lives and their business's  
for the next three days. 
        'Oh, said the show-girl to the lawyer lady, it's   
my fault. We overworked the poor thing. Tomorrow morning I'll  
buy my own computer and I'll find someone to solve this  
problem for you. I don't want you to have trouble with your  
boss.' 
        'Oh, it's my fault, too, insisted the psychologist  
lady. I should have had my e-mail adapted instead of…  
Anyhow, privacy is privacy in such matters.' 
        They were all too good friends not to share the matter.  
They looked through The Yellow Pages, found the address of a  
confident trade and service computers company and went there. 
        The engineer on duty was short, thin and shy but he had  
a very long nose and a very big black moustache. He was told  
by his wife that glamorous women were only V.R. He had  
happily lived with that belief for a very long time.  
        The psychologist lady, the lawyer lady and the show- 
girl entered his office. The engineer almost fell down from  
his chair, splashed coffee (fortunately cold) on his trousers  
and remained mute, with his mouth open, for the next half an  
hour.  
        Meanwhile, the three young ladies shook hands with  
him, explained the situation, spoke to each other, chose a  
computer to buy, spoke to each other, left their addresses  
and telephone numbers, made appointments with him, spoke  
to each other, shook hands with him again, and left. 
        A switch button was touched by an invisible finger in  
the soft engineer's mind. So glamorous women exist! They  
touch people! They speak to people! They enter people's  
offices like any other human beings! They leave their  
addresses and telephone numbers and much more, they make  
appointments with them!
        It took a while for the engineer to realise that he was  
'people', too. 
        A crazy, crazy, crazy yell was heard from the  
engineer's office. The sales-persons, the accountant and the  
woman who was cleaning the place burst in to see what had  
happened to him. 
        'Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford  
have just been in my office.' An unusual Don Juan-esque  
glance was added to these words. The company people made a  
large sign of cross in the orthodox manner and minded their  
own business.  
        The engineer didn't pay attention to them. He continued  
to make the Don Juan-esque glance for himself in the mirror, 
and reviewed his appointments. He decided to meet Claudia  
Schiffer today, Naomi Campbell tomorrow and Cindy Crawford  
the day after tomorrow. He bought flowers for the three of  
them. 
 
         
 
Claudia Schiffer/the show-girl was wearing a strapless figure  
hugging dress, needed her new computer installed and  
appreciated the flowers very much.  
        That made the engineer's season look like spring,  
although there was really a -20oC temperature outside. The  
engineer proved not only to be a very good professional but a  
person with great opinions as well. At least, that's what he  
thought.  
        His wife thought he was unusually late and kept calling
him on his cellular every ten minutes. That made the engineer
turn off his phone after the first five or six hours. Then he
began a never ending human study upon the nature of 
compatibility between married couples in general. Claudia 
Schiffer/the show-girl gave up the idea of using her own e-mail
for the next five years and fell asleep on the couch. She was
just reciting poetry to The Real President of Asia, in a 
wonderful Japanese garden when the engineer woke her up. He 
was very sorry but he had to leave her because it was already 
tomorrow and time to meet Naomi Campbell... At least the computer 
was installed and ready to go. 
         
 
Naomi Campbell/the lawyer lady was dressed in prim office 
fashion but looked really sexy. She made spring turn into 
summer, in spite of a slight decrease in outside temperature.
Naomi Campbell/the lawyer lady didn't appreciate the flowers 
too much. She was just speaking on the phone when the engineer
arrived. The voice on the phone belonged to Claudia 
Schiffer/the show-girl and said: 'Watch out, I think the man is 
a little crazy.' 
        She didn't need to watch out too much because her boss 
was already there. The monitor of her computer proved to have 
only two wires disconnected inside. So the engineer gave up 
his human study on the nature of married couples compatibility 
in general and left… At least the monitor was fixed and 
ready to go.

         
 
He entered the pub across the street to have a single beer  
but had 18 instead. He kept watching the large office window  
where Naomi Campbell was working and using the phone like any 
other human being. Fortunately she didn't notice him at all. 
        Naomi Campbell must have been at her 243rd e-mail exchange, 
working overtime, when the engineer realised that it was 
already the day after tomorrow.  
        'Sorry to leave you, babe, time to meet Cindy Crawford!'  
        His cellular was still off. 
 
 
 
Cindy Crawford/the psychologist lady transformed his summer 
into autumn. It happened in spite of her aerobic sportswear 
and the slight increase in outside temperature. She didn't
appreciate the flowers at all for three reasons: 1) because
they were already dead; 2) because Naomi Campbell/the 
lawyer lady already phoned her to say 'the man is definitely 
crazy ' and 3) because the psychological professional inside 
her was deeply disappointed to face only a drunk instead of a 
case. The engineer made the mistake of his life, trying to 
improve things with his latest human study. Besides, this 
happened in the Cindy Crawford/psychologist lady's own house 
and in her own field of her professional. This was the very 
project that she was working on! In spite of the drunk's 
opinion, she felt sure that things could work perfectly 
between husband and wife! 
        She had not the time to tell him exactly on what terms 
and conditions that this could occur. The engineer felt like 
a boxer just before his KO and not only because of the beer 
irrigating his brain. 
        Yet he found the power to operate on a professional 
level and gave up his opinions about other matters. The day 
after tomorrow had not even reached noon... 
        At least the e-mail was updated and ready to work.



 
 
 
The engineer left, slipped on the stairs and turned on his  
phone by mistake. 
        The voice of his wife vibrated angrily into the frozen  
air: "Where are you? …%&(np_!mu_jkop^%$vxx?!'  
        What a pity Cindy Crawford/the psychologist lady had  
had not time to tell him precisely how things could work  
perfectly between husband and wife… 
        Although the outside weather was now a little bit sunny,  
his internal winter was the worst of all seasons, too grey  
and too cold, as chill and unappealing as the day before  
yesterday's dinner, waiting on the kitchen table at home.  
        The wife was wearing a pink-green flowered dressing gown.  
She had had not the chance to appreciate the hidden meanings of  
a gift of flowers since their wedding.   
        'WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?'  
        'At work.' 
        'WHICH WORK? THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! WE CALLED THE 
POLICE!'  
        'And?' 
        'WHAT AND?…THEY SAID YOU WERE CRAZY…YOU MENTIONED 3  
WOMEN…  WHO ARE THEY?' 
        'Mmm…'  
        'WHAT MMM?' 
        'Hm.'  
        'THEY HAD TO CALL INTERPOL TO FIND THEM! ONE LIVES  
IN EUROPE, ONE IN AMERICA AND ONE GOD KNOWS WHERE! THE  
WOMEN SAID THEY NEVER HEARD OF YOU AND THEY NEVER  
HEARD OF ROMANIA!" 
        'Clever little bunnies…'  
        'WWHHAATT? WHERE DID YOU MEET THESE FOREIGN  
WOMEN… PUAH!… YOU SMELL LIKE A BARREL!!!… THESE  
WOMEN SAID THEY'LL ASK FOR COMPENSATION IN DOLLARS  
FOR DISTURBING THEM!… WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?'  
        'At work.' 
        'AND WHERE IS THE MONEY?'  
        How could a housekeeper like her understand that a man  
needed to volunteer sometimes? She decided to divorce. 
        The wife was a real housekeeper and had no other contacts  
than those in her husband's telephone book. She went through  
it in tears and found "...lawyer lady". 
         
 
 
 
The lawyer lady met her and was very touched by her story.  
It was a complicated case implying immoral conduct outside  
and inside the marriage .  
        One could pass the line between the 'inside' and the  
'outside' without paying to much attention to it. The more  
invisible, the more dangerous this limit was. That was legal  
stuff. The wife couldn't understand that but understood  
the rest. The lawyer lady said she noticed the engineer's  
strange behaviour from the very beginning. She suggested  
calling in her friend, the show-girl as a witness. Her  
naturally great acting talents, famous even in Japan, would  
deeply impress The Court. Her friend, the psychologist lady  
was also suggested. They needed to shut the engineer up in 
a lunatic asylum so that he could not cause trouble with his  
perverse and incompetent opinions any longer. 
        All the three friends almost started to cry when they  
heard the engineer was not currently drinking beer. He had  
drank alcoholic extract when he was 3, had caught a cold  
and had confused a case of Pils with one of linctus. 
        The trial was a success on the complainant's side. The  
accused was not aware of that because he was already in a  
lunatic asylum, convinced that he was Bill Clinton. He lived  
happily ever after. He became famous all over the world  
because of a human study regarding the negative influence of  
computers on the soft professionals' brain. The study was  
mediated on a large scale and extended to include amateur  
subjects, as well. 
        Its conclusion was a logical one. Husband and wife  
could get on very well together, as long as the wife  
managed to divorce her husband from his previous wife.  
The wife heard about this conclusion from a neighbour and  
decided to revenge herself. The same neighbour told her  
to go to an old gypsy woman and place a curse upon the 3  
tramps using black magic.  
        The gypsy lady said 'Right, I can do it,  but bring me  
their names and that of your husband upon a $100 bill.'  
        The housekeeper changed all her savings and the  
neighbour wrote the names for her because she didn't  
know how to: Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford  
and X 
        No one could see what the gypsy old woman did with the  
bill.   The soft engineer was by now so convinced that he was  
Bill Clinton that he started playing the sax.  
(New York Times, article on the front page.)  
 
Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford got drunk  
upon Coca-Cola and doughnuts at a fashion event, displayed  
gleefully inadequate behaviour, lost their jobs, their money,  
their men and their nylon eye-lashes.  
(Idaho Gossip - one of the pages, right corner, down.) 
         
 
The confounded ones, from Romania played the hot e-mail game  
until they got bored and started using the phone instead. 


January 4, 1999
                 

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