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She was meant to be The First Lady, the real one. The  
trouble was that she was not aware of that. 
        Her father had been to busy with himself and her  
mother had died quickly and insane, so they had had no  
time to speak to their daughter about this fact.  
        She grew up alone, dreaming of becoming an actress,  
like everybody who doesn't like herself too much. This  
fact turned her into a very good looking person but she  
was not aware of that as well. 
        So when she changed into a woman, all kind of local  
leaders and even foreign VIP's visiting her country fell  
in love with her one by one. She was not aware of that  
either!… 
        Her girl-friends were really in panic and asked her:  
        "With all these connections, no money, no career, no  
fame!… What do you get?"  
        "Oh, I get such brilliant conversation…" she  
answered. 
        Sometimes she felt something very curious was  
connected to all these important men coming and going  
out of her life to no purpose. Anyhow, she had no time  
to think about such minor things. She had a working   
nature and she also had a dog that needed to be taken out  
twice a day. 
        Yet one day she met The Real President of Romania  
(the one she knew from TV was cartoons). The Real  
President of Romania's job was to bring in the money that  
run the country. This could not prevent him from  
falling in love, on the contrary… The moment he saw her,  
he fell so deeply in love that he lost his ability to  
speak for one month. 
        That produced a whole mess in Romania for which the  
Prime Minister was blamed and was changed. 
        She felt something new in her life was happening,  
taking into account that brilliant conversation was  
missing completely. In fact she enjoyed so much the  
advantages of mental communication that she did not even  
notice when The Real President of Romania recovered and  
said: "Look girl, I'm too much involved. Things may  
turn out in a dangerous way. Here is your new passport,  
you'd better leave." 
        She woke up from her mental activities when she and  
her suitcase were already in the street.  Men started  
whistling at the way she moved on her 12cm high-heels  
and the image of The Real President of Romania suddenly  
appeared in her mind. She started to cry. 
        "Oh, that must have been a love affair and I passed  
it by!" 
        She found no convenient shoulder to cry on. All her  
girl-friends were married suspicious material persons,  
for the time being.  
        So she went to Japan, to forget. 
        Why Japan? Because… 
        There she discovered the benefits of profound  
meditation and she kept doing that for months. She had  
nothing else to do. Thus she found the great answer of  
her life: A CHANGE!… Only the change needed to be so  
real that even she had to be aware that it was happening. 
She was still dizzy because of her previous experience so  
she didn't know yet how to make it. 
        Anyhow, something more powerful than her own will  
pushed her to go to a Tokyo club late at night. She was  
still not aware about what she was doing so she used her  
knowledge of English and spoke to a man: "Sorry, have you  
ever been to Romania?" 
        Of course he hadn't but the man found it a very  
convenient way to start THE MOST BRILLIANT CONVERSATION  
SHE EVER HAD! "The hell with the change in my life" she said  
to herself and the man said to himself "the hell with my  
bottle of beer, I'll drink it later." For him, that was a  
very hard decision to make. He was someone who complained  
all the time that: "he was not so important". On the contrary,  
she was so happy to meet an ordinary man, at last…  
She really felt that a great change in her life had started. 
        The man came from the country of Byron and Keats  
and this fact made the conversation move smoothly onto  
the field of romantic poetry. They kept debating the subject, 
conversing on different South-American rhythms until morning 
when the bartender decided to sell beer only to those who 
spoke Japanese.  
        That must have appealed to her East-European  
complex so badly that she transformed into the most vulnerable  
human being that he ever saw. That made him (video-insert)  
turn into James Bond jumping down from The Tokyo Tower to  
save Marilyn Monroe from her destiny. So(back to story) he  
passed over the fact he was not so important, kissed her,  
told her "I love you" and took her to another place. 
        She was still not aware about what she was doing.  
Otherwise she would have had the bad luck to refuse. 
There, in the place where he took her, something very curious  
happened and life turned into poetry… or poetry turned into  
life… one will never know. 
        In fact they turned their lives upside-down for  
each other, closed for days in a room on the 46th floor  
of the highest hotel in town. They both were adults so  
they both must have been aware of what they were doing.  
Meanwhile the yen rate had an instant increase of 23% and  
whole of Tokyo Town seemed to float under the pink clouds 
of a great celebration. 
        Yet one night another curious thing happened and the  
man received a telephone call: From his wife. The pink  
Tokyo clouds spread away in a second and the man suddenly  
remembered who he was.  
        He was The Real President of Asia!… and he told  
this to her with an, unusual for him, BBC news reader's  
accent. 
        That made her burst into tears between the silk  
sheets: "O-o-o-o-o-oh!… It's the first time that I love  
and that I'm aware of it and look what you're doing to me!  
I must be damned!… I'm so sure I love you, don't leave me,  
please!" and she tried to continue through tears what the  
telephone call had just interrupted. 
        "But how can you be so sure you love me, I mean…? 
        "My daily horoscope Love-O-Meter was up to 'hot' on  
the day I met you. O-o-o-o-oh…!"  
        "Darling, don't be sad, I am not so important…"  
(His BBC news reader's accent disappeared, enveloped into her  
embrace.) 
        "O-o-o-oh…!"  
        "I'm just someone you've met… " 
        "O-o-oh!…"  
        "And besides, I'm supposed to be in London by now…" 
        "O-oh…!" 
        "…to interchange posts with The Real President of  
Europe…" 
        "Oh!" 
        "My wife's arranged it for me." 
        "Oh, great!"  
        She pushed him away.  
        "Two Presidents in one! So there remain only The  
Real Presidents of Africa, America and Australia to come  
into my life and ruin it, exactly like you, one by one."  
She started crying louder and louder: "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- 
oh!…" 
        For a few seconds he balanced between her… 
vulnerability and a new nervous breakdown from his wife. 
The new nervous breakdown won, because a divorce would make 
him lose all his money.
        "But darling, I'm a married man, there's nothing I  
can do for you!… At least for the moment…" he commented. 
        Suddenly she had a great revelation. 
        "Oh, no, she said, there is one thing you can do  
for me. I don't want to waste time. Maybe I am meant to  
be a    "First Lady" and if this is to happen, I want to be  
the greatest of all! Introduce me to The Real President  
of The World. I want to marry him." 
        "My boss!?" he exclaimed. "Darling, I'm not so  
important!… I'll speak to my wife." 
        She refused him that alternative. In the end she  
obtained a written letter of recommendation from him and  
used it. 
 
 
 
The Real President of The World sat in a wheel-chair.  
He totally rejected the idea of marriage. He was  
too busy using his fingers to take a biscuit out from a  
cup of tea. 
        "But don't you need someone to do that for you?"  
she insisted. 
        "No, I need no one!…" he said. "How can you think  
about marriage when I can't use that cute precious little  
thing any longer…it's gone!… What do you call it?" 
        "Mr. Real President!…" (She blushed with anger.) 
        "Aha, teaspoon!… now I remember. I was speaking  
about my gold plated teaspoon from my mother, what were  
you thinking about?" 
        "About nothing." 
        "No wonder… Who signed that recommendation for you?  
Churchill took my spectacles by mistake and I called him  
to bring them back but there's been no answer, for half  
a century!… Can you imagine that?" 
        "The recommendation was signed by The Real  
President of Asia, Sir…" 
        "Aha! That one! I always said that young man had a  
future. Why didn't he marry you? Is he dead?" 
        "Oh, no… He's already married…" 
        "The poor man…" 
        "With me it would have been different for him…  
        "Why?" 
        "Well… I'm not supposed to tell you but something  
makes me feel you'll forget about it quite soon… We've  
been very much in love!" 
        "In what?" 
        "IN LOVE!" She repeated loudly. "So very much in  
love that the whole wide world changed into something  
much better…" 
        "Rubbish." 
        "Oh, no, even the yen rate had a 23% increase at  
the time!" 
        "WHAT!?" shouted The Real President of The World.  
        "That was not supposed to happen!" 
        The Real President of The World almost fell down  
from his wheel-chair. 
        "This is what happens when you let a 40 years old  
teen-ager rule a continent" he said. "Where was his  
head?" 
        "His head?…His… I don't know. In fact he was The  
Head, The Head of The Asian Financial Department." 
        "All right but where was The Head of The Asian  
Financial Department when the yen rate had that 23%  
increase?" 
        "In bed with me." 
        "Oh, my God! I'll sent him to Africa to be the  
driver of The Real President of Burkina Faso." 
        "Please, Mr. Real President, you can't do that!" 
        "Why?" 
        "A lion might eat him!" 
        "Even better." 
        The Real President of The World pushed a button  
under his desk. 
        "What about our marriage?" she asked. 
        "Get OUT!" 
        So she left.  
        She had been revenged but she was not aware of that. 
        She was so desperate that she looked much more  
vulnerable than ever. And much more seductive as a  
consequence. 
        The Sheikh of North-Africa was just passing by in a  
long black car and kidnapped her. 
        She could not enjoy watching the landscape during  
the journey. She had been well shrouded, wrapped from head  
to toe, in dark flowing oriental robes and a yashmak, 
and because The Sheikh of North-Africa was extremely jealous,  
her eyes had been covered too. 
        When she was allowed to uncover her eyes, she  
thought that she was present at a meeting for Oriental  
Women's Rights. There must have been a few hundred  
persons around her and they all claimed to be "The  
Favoured One" of The Sheikh of North-Africa's wives.  
        Everybody remained silent when she said she had not  
the slightest intention of marrying The Sheikh, that she was  
still in love with somebody else. All she wanted was to take  
the opportunity of visiting the pyramids and the Sphinx, as 
she had come to Cairo for free. All the audience started  
to cry when she finished. 
        "Oh, my poor child", said the oldest of wives who  
must have been 18 but looked 65. "No woman is allowed to  
leave The Harem from the moment that she enters it. You're  
destined for the rest of your life to see the sun and  
the blue of the sky only through that huge latticed window  
up there."  
        "But I can't even see one pyramid top from there!" 
        "Don't be upset, my child. If you behave properly  
and are lucky you'll have the chance to see The Sheikh through  
the darkness, in your bed, once a year." 
        She missed that chance. Captivity led her to a  
heroic display of inadequate behaviour that reached its climax 
on the exact date the Sheikh had announced for their wedding.  
That very same day she escaped from the Harem. 
        She began to run faster and faster towards the  
pyramids. The Sheikh took a gun, leaving all his body- 
guards at home. He had to chase her alone. He was afraid  
his people might find out that he had been left by a "mere"  
woman and was very ashamed.   
        "Hey, where do you think you can hide?" The Sheikh  
kept shouting and running. "I have enough money to buy  
the whole world if I want!  I can afford to burn all of  
the year's North-African oil production to light a  
traditional barbecue! If you don't stop you'll be the first 
lump of meat on the griddle. So help me Allah!" 
        The Sheikh was only 10 meters behind her when she  
entered the desert and crossed the path of a man who was  
being chased by a lion. Suddenly a sand storm burst out and  
she could no longer see a thing. Very soon after, she heard a  
loud report close to her and she fainted.   
        When she opened her eyes the sand storm had already  
stopped and the air was clear around. The Sheikh of  
North-Africa was lying next to her with his chest very  
badly mauled by the lion. The lion was lying on top of him.  
It had a huge hole in his chest, made by The Sheikh of  
North-Africa's gun. Both were dead.  
        She and the man chased by the lion rose up from the  
sand and came face to face. The sun was burning like hell  
and they couldn't believe their eyes. They asked each other: 
"Is it you?"  
        "Is it really you?…" 
        "K!" 
        "F!" 
        She looked so… vulnerable in that ornately veiled  
Oriental wedding dress. 
        The ex-Real President of Asia looked so protective  
in his new driver's suit…  
        They threw into each other's arms. 
        "What did that Love-O-Meter of yours say to you for  
today?" he asked her. 
        "That we'll both succeed in show-business", she  
answered.  
        They kissed each other…  
 
         
        (Here everybody, main characters, author, publishers, 
readers and others must cry… Even the lion must cry, 
it died hungry.) 
 
 
                              * 
 
 
The big change in her life starts, in fact, at this  
point of the story. 
        The Sheikh of North-Africa's death eliminated the  
danger of the outbreak of World War III. She and The ex-Real  
President of Asia became the most famous lovers on Earth,  
the symbol of those human virtues that should ever win.  
        Only the North-African people stuck to the view  
that Allah had performed a favour to the Christian world on  
their coast. Greatly improving their income by selling T- 
shirts to tourists which showed the Earth's most famous  
lovers, kissing each other in front of the Sphinx.  
        The ex-Real President of Asia was asked by some  
Hollywood producers to put down on paper, his desert  
experience. That was necessary for a new James Bond  
series ("James Bond in The Desert",  "James Bond Getting  
Out of  The Desert" and "James Bond Coming Back to The  
Desert Because He Forgot Something"). His success in the  
film industry turned him into that someone important he  
always wanted to be. 
        Later on he sold his fiancee's romantic experiences  
to the same producers for a Hollywood romance, to me for  
a comedy and to some Argentinean agents for the most  
successful tele-novella, "L'amor,  una rosa por siempre  
vivir" 
        This was very convenient for her. She remembered  
how much she had wanted to be an actress. Taking into account  
the new state of things, she did not need to fight at all for  
an Oscar. Who could wish for more? 
        They decided to live in Brazil because they were  
both crazy about South-American music. 
        Her girl-friends from Romania called her one day. 
They wanted to pay her a five year long visit. They were 
all divorced or bored by their husbands for the time being. 
She elegantly refused. She was married but still in love. 
        "Such ingratitude!" they exclaimed. "After all  
we did for you!…" 
        "What did you do for me?" 
        "We opened your eyes. How can you treat us like  
this? You're not The First Lady of The United States of  
America!" 
        "Well, maybe I'm not. But I'm The First Lady in my  
own house and I want to remain so!" 
        So she never had a nervous breakdown. 
 
 
 
                             HAPPY END  
 
 
 
 
 
 
New comments in papers: 
 
 
The Japanese people still believe that the return of  
the most famous lovers on Earth will break the economic  
deadlock of their country. 
 
 
The Real President of The World met Churchill in  
the Heaven, wearing HIS spectacles, and got very angry.  
The rest solved itself. 
 
 

December 30, 1998

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