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ÐÔÿÔÌÌÌÌÌñ…ññ„ñßp€U#<,(`~0ôìÓñ `À°zE7œ ÓñÓñìQ i‡pßñ„ññ…ñHEROICS€INC.ÌÓ  ÓÔ€XñMX»¼ä¡ÔÔ??UK.,ÔÔÿÔñ„ñßp€U#<,(`~0vô¬Óñ `À°zEŸ\ÓñÓñTi‡pßñ„ñÔ_ÔÌÔUK??.,Ôñ…ñßp€U#<,(`~0ô¦Óñ `À°zE7V ÓñÓñì i‡pßâ çìçìçü!çü!âñ…ñ€€Ìâ çìçìçìçìâà ? àÌâ çìçìçìçìâÌâ çìçìçìçìâà ? àà0 — àà0ï — ì— ü!àà0Gï ìï ü!àÐ GìGü! Ðâ çìçìçìçìâÌâ çìçìçìçìâÌâ çìçìçìçìâÌâ çìçìçìçìâÌâ çü!çü!çìçìâÌÌà ? à'Heroics€INC.?'€€€€€Ìà ? àIt€thoughtfully€regarded€them.€There€seemed€to€be€a€twinkle€€€€Ìof€amusement€in€those€heavy„lidded€yellow€eyes,€a€slight€twitch€€€€Ìaround€the€corners€of€its€armoured€green€lips,€as€if€it€were€€€€Ìhaving€great€difficulty€in€keeping€it's€delicately€sharpened€fangs€€€€Ìfrom€smiling.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Yes,€I€know€about€them,€but€I€couldn't....€Really.'€€€€€Ìà ? àThey€waited,€for€the€words€were€uttered€in€the€tone€of€€€€Ìfeigned€reluctance€that€one€uses€before€reciting€a€favourite€poem€€€€Ìor€singing€an€off„key€song€for€the€amusement€of€old€friends.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Well!€It€will€only€bore€you.€However...€if€you€must.'€€€€€ÌThe€creature€used€a€worn€talon€to€press€an€emerald€scale,€€€€Ìactivating€the€officious€voice€of€its€memory€mechanism.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Downloading€memory,€downloading€memory.€Please€specify?'€€€€€Ìà ? à'07...€10...€2299.€6€a.m.'€€€€€ÌThe€mechanism€was€unimpressed.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Not€that€again,'€it€sniffed.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€circuit€clicked€into€place€and€the€beast€began.€Its€€€€Ìvoice€was€deep€and€rich,€well€rehearsed,€with€just€the€right€hint€€€€Ìof€theatricality,€as€it€started€to€tell€its€story.€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'It€was€a€usual€morning....'€€€€€Ð Ä'#& Ѐ€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ð  .^)- ÐBurt€Lancaster,€stripped€to€the€waist€and€tanned€by€some€far„off€€€€Ìsun,€sailed€through€the€air€and€alighted€gracefully€on€the€bedside€€€€Ìtable.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Man€the€yards,€crank€out€all€canvas...'€He€rapped€out€the€€€€€€Ð b² Ðorders,€then€turned€with€a€rugged,€toothy€grin€and€twinkling€eyes.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Gather€round€lads€and€lasses,€gather€round.€You've€been€€€€€€Ð . ~ Ðshanghaied€aboard€for€the€last€voyage€of€the€Crimson€Pirate,€a€€€€Ìlong,€long€time€ago€in€the€far,€far€Caribbean.€Remember!€In€a€€€€Ìpirate€ship,€in€pirate€waters,€in€a€pirate€world.€Believe€only€€€€Ìwhat€you€see...'€€€€€€ÌGrasping€a€non„existent€ships€rope€for€support,€he€swung€out€in€a€€€€€€Ìbreathtaking€arc€onto€the€bed,€`No!€Believe€only€half€f€what€you€€€€Ìsee.€Man€the€capstans,€up€anchor,€MOVE€YOU€LUBBER!!!'€€€€€Ì€à ? àThough€only€six€inches€high,€Burt€avoided€the€pillow€hurled€€€€Ð ^®  Ðat€him€with€practised€ease.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Avast,€you€scurvy€son€of€a€sea€dog!€Do€you€want€the€snooze€€€€€€Ìsetting?'€€€€€Ìà ? à'NO!'€Came€the€muffled€reply€from€under€the€duvet€as€Burt€€€€Ìfaded€into€nothing.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€ÌWill€Prince€stirred€mutinously€under€the€duvet.€Today€was€his€€€€Ìtwenty„fifth€birthday.€A€person€should€have€certain€liberties,€€€€Ìrights€that€had€nothing€to€do€with€computers€wanting€to€mother€you€€€€Ìto€death€whilst€claiming€that€it€was€in€your€own€best€interests.€€€€ÌIt€stood€to€reason€that€one€of€Mankind's€basic€liberties€should€be€€€€Ìthe€right€to€a€lie„in€on€one's€birthday.€There€was€no€way€that€he€€€€Ìwas€going€to€let€anyone€coax€him€out€of€bed.€'It's€my€party€and€€€€ÌI'll€lie€if€I€want€to.'€It€wasn't€as€if€there€was€anything€to€get€€€€Ìup€for.€Another€day€spent€slumped€in€his€room€with€the€"reptile"€€€€Ìfussing.€A€thrilling€choice€between€6005€different€educational€€€€Ìchannels€on€the€video€screen.€It€was€all€so€BORING.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€alternative€was€worse.€He€shuddered€as€he€thought€of€the€€€€€€Ð %X $ Ðtrip€through€Dickens„land€to€the€local€Human€Welfare€Centre.€Once€€€€€€Ìthere,€he€could€stop€for€some€"meaningful€social€interaction"€€€€Ìwith€others€of€his€"exciting€species",€as€the€Personifications'€€€€Ìwould€put€it.€€€€€Ì€à ? àExciting€species€indeed.€Most€of€his€contemporaries€at€the€€€€€€Ð †)Ö$) Ðcentre€seemed€to€embrace€relentless€tedium€as€if€it€were€a€€€€Ìvocation.€€€€€€Ìà ? àIt€was€no€wonder€that€the€day€ahead,€that€almost€every€day,€€€€Ìdepressed€him.€He€had€to€face€the€fact€that€he€was€born€at€the€€€€Ìwrong€time.€If€only€he€had€been€lucky€enough€to€be€born€a€few€€€€Ìhundred€years€earlier.€€€€€€Ìà ? àThose€times€seemed€so€much€more€exciting,€full€of€really€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐÔ_Ôinteresting€things€like€war,€famine€and€disease.€Will€felt€a€€€€Ìdeliciously€sordid€thrill€of€pleasure€course€through€him€as€he€€€€Ìwondered€what€it€much€have€been€actually€like€to€"work€for€a€€€€Ìliving".€€€€€Ì€€à ? àSuch€things€were€only€a€dream€today.€Everything€seemed€sanitised€€€€€€Ð H˜ Ðand€dull.€COMS€(The€Cybernetic€Operational€Management€Structure)€€€€Ìran€everything€with€tedious€efficiency.€Things€like€homelessness€€€€Ìand€hunger€were€distant€memories.€The€Personifications€did€all€the€€€€Ìwork€and€humans€were€supposed€to€take€full€advantage€of€their€€€€Ìleisure€time€to€enjoy€and€fulfil€themselves.€There€was€only€one€€€€Ìcatch;€your€enjoyment€had€to€be€good€for€you.€The€problem€with€€€€Ìthis€was€that€every€artificial€mind€on€the€planet€possessed€the€€€€Ìsure€and€certain€knowledge€that€Mankind€had€absolutely€no€idea€€€€Ìwhat€was€good€for€it.€€€€€€Ìà ? àThat€was€after€all€why€COMS€had€been€rushed€into€existence,€to€€€€Ìsave€a€civilisation€on€the€verge€of€extinction€and€protect€people€€€€Ìfrom€themselves.€The€way€the€machines€told€it€they€were€the€good€€€€Ìguys€in€the€biggest€of€white€hats.€It€was€just€such€a€shame€that€€€€Ìthey€had€to€be€so€pious€and€PO„faced€about€everything.€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ìà ? à"No.€It€was€time€for€a€change,€time€for€a€person€to€lie€down€€€€€€Ìand€be€counted."€He€would€protest,€refuse€to€come€out€from€under€€€€Ìthe€bedclothes€until€the€machines€listened€to€a€list€of€demands€€€€Ìthat€included€the€right€to€stay€under€a€duvet€as€long€as€he€€€€Ìwanted.€He€could€start€a€movement,€or€perhaps€he€should€call€it€a€€€€Ìnon„movement€as€it€involved€staying€in€one€place.€€€€€€Ìà ? àWill€felt€that€he€was€on€the€verge€of€something€big,€the€€€€Ìgreat€lie„in€protest€of€€"99".€He€not€only€began€to€perk€up;€he€€€€Ìbegan€to€feel€positively€exhilarated.€With€an€idea€like€this€€€€Ìanything€could€happen,€he€could€rally€the€people,€and€he€could...€€€€€Ìà ? à"Bugger...Bugger,€Bugger,€BUGGER!"€€€€€Ìà ? àOf€course€to€rally€people€to€a€lie„in€protest€he€would€have€€€€Ìto€get€up.€That€settled€it;€he€was€convinced.€Somewhere€out€in€the€€€€€€Ìcosmos€there€was€a€little€purple€man,€a€bitter€twisted€being,€who€€€€€€Ìworked€feverishly€and€unceasingly€at€just€one€task:€screwing€up€€€€Ìhis€existence.€€€€€Ì€€€€€à0 ? àà0— ?ü!?ü!àà0ï — ü!— ü!àà0Gï ü!ï ü!àІ)Ö$)Gü!Gü! Ѐ€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€Ì€€€€€ÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐAt€that€precise€moment,€on€the€far€side€of€the€cosmos,€a€Purple€€€€ÌBeing€stirred€and€started€a€train€of€events€that€would€radically€€€€Ìchange€Will's€life.€However,€this€startling€coincidence€did€not€€€€Ìmean€that€Will€was€not€paranoid,€because€he€was.€€€€€Ì€à ? àIn€the€first€place,€this€Purple€Being€had€no€gender.€If€you€€€€€€Ð H˜ Ðpolitely€inquired€It€would€reply,€if€It€bothered€to€notice€you€at€€€€€€Ìall,€that:€'I€do€not€know€what€I€am.€I'm€just€a€reasonably€all„€€€€€Ìpowerful€Purple€Thingy€and€a€celibate€one€at€that.€Sex€does€not€€€€Ìcome€into€it€at€all.€So€stop€being€nosy.'€€€€€Ì€à ? àIn€the€second€place,€this€Purple€Thingy€was€of€indeterminate€€€€€€Ð Æ   Ðsize,€and€in€the€third€place,€nowhere€in€Its€many€thousand€brains€€€€Ìwas€there€even€one€cell€that€had€an€inkling€that€Will€Prince€or€€€€Ìany€other€human€existed.€Thingy€brains€had€far€more€important€€€€Ìthings€to€think€about€and€they€could€not€waste€stray€thoughts€on€€€€Ìminor€planetary€bacteria.€This€was€not€some€third„rate€sadistic€€€€Ìdemi„god,€meddling€with€the€pathetic€existences€of€sad€little€€€€Ìmicrobes.€The€Thingy€was€major€stuff!€€€€€Ì€€à ? àWill€had€no€idea€that€his€depressing€twenty„fifth€birthday€€€€€€Ð öF Ðcoincided€with€what€could€be€one€of€the€most€important€events€in€€€€Ìthe€history€of€everything€(even€the€Durengi€though€everyone€knew€€€€Ìthey€were€far€too€big„headed€to€admit€it.)€€After€a€passage€of€€€€Ìtime€so€vast€that€you€couldn't€write€all€its€noughts€out€in€the€€€€Ìlifetime€of€a€giant€Redwood,€the€Thingy€had€reached€a€decision.€€€€€Ì€€à ? àOne€by€one€Its€brains€mentally€groaned€the€Thingy€equivalent€€€€Ð Zª Ðof€"PHEW!",€and€reached€for€an€aspirin.€The€answer€was€simple€€€€Ìafter€all:€the€MADID€„€it€had€to€be€the€MADID.€Now€came€the€€€€Ìdifficult€bit:€Choosing€a€champion.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€€Ì€à ? à'Happy€Birthday€to€you,€Happy€Birthday€to€you,€Happy€€€€Ð p!À  ÐBirthday€dear€Wil„l„l,€Happy€Birthday€to€you!'€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€video€screen€chirped€out€the€greeting€for€the€fifty„€€€Ð <#Œ" Ðsixth€time€before€it€decided€it€was€not€getting€the€attention€it€€€€Ìdeserved€and€experimentally€changed€the€channel.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Cor,€luv€a€duck,€Guv'nor.€Ya€mean€ta€say€you€ain't€been€to€€€€€€ÌDickens„land?€Well€I'll€be€blowed!€`ow€the€`ell€d'you€expect€ta€€€€Ìlearn€abhat€ignerence,€poverty€an'€want,€if€you€don't€go€ta€this€€€€€€Ìmaahvellous€recreation€of€Victorian€squalor?'€€€€€Ìà ? àWill€and€his€companion€took€no€notice.€They€were€busy.€€€€ÌSulphur€was€Will's€COMS€appointed€comrade.€He€was€green,€scaly€and€€€€Ìdecidedly€dragon„shaped,€being€both€a€triumph€of€Personification€€€€Ìengineering€and€a€testimony€to€Will's€stubbornness.€Human€Welfare€€€€ÌCentre€Social€Workers€had€argued€with€the€persistence€only€€€€Ìartificial€lifeforms€can€muster€against€supplying€a€mythical€€€€Ìbeast,€one€by€one€they€had€sold€him€the€virtues€of€the€alternative€€€€Ìmodels€on€offer.€Will€had€been€adamant.€He€did€not€want€a€cat,€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðdog,€budgie€or€even€a€"frigging"€three„toed€sloth,€he€wanted€a€€€€Ìdragon,€an€awe„inspiring,€fire„breathing€specimen€of€primal,€€€€Ìnecromantic€beauty,€and€that€was€that.€€€€€€ÌEventually€COMS€had€filed€Will€under€T€for€Trouble€and€given€in.€€€€€Ìà ? àSince€Will,€like€every€other€human€on€the€planet,€lived€in€a€€€€€€Ìten€foot€by€twelve€foot€apartment,€sensible€economies€of€scale€had€€€€Ìto€be€brought€to€bear€and€Sulphur€for€all€his€beauty€was€a€€€€Ìdistinctly€unimpressive€two€foot€long.€To€offset€this,€he€was€the€€€€Ìonly€legendary€beast€in€the€universe€that€possessed€a€top€of€the€€€€Ìrange€Magatronian€IX€intelligence€system.€He€learned€fast.€The€€€€Ìfirst€thing€that€life€with€Will€taught€the€dragon€was€that€he€€€€Ìwould€need€a€great€deal€of€patience,€the€second,€that€he€would€€€€Ìrequire€a€infinite€supply€of€sarcasm€to€go€with€it.€€€€€Ìà ? à'It's€not€the€`lie„in'€protest€AGAIN,'€Sulphur€raised€his€€€€Ìeyes€laboriously€skyward.€€€€€Ìà ? à'No,€it's€not.'€The€duvet€could€not€muffle€the€annoying€€€€€€Ìstubbornness€in€Will's€voice.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Every€year„€it's€the€same€thing.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'I€said,€it's€not.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'You've€got€to€get€up!'€€€€€Ìà ? à'I'm€not€coming€out.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Do€you€know€how€important€your€time€is?€Time€wasted€can€€€€Ìnever€be€replaced.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'You€mean€like€all€the€times€I've€wasted€on€those€ridiculous€€€€€€Ìeducational€programmes.€What's€the€good€of€learning€to€memorise€€€€Ìthe€complete€works€of€Shakespeare€if€everybody€else€already€knows€€€€Ìthem?€€€€€€ÌWhere's€the€fun€if€you€can't€show€off€a€bit?'€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€video€screen€took€Will's€comment€to€heart.€€€€€Ìà ? à'I€work€my€chips€into€a€frenzy€offering€you€a€range€of€top€€€€€€Ìquality€info„tainment€and€this€is€the€thanks€I€get!€I€know€when€I€€€€Ìnot€wanted.'€To€prove€its€point€the€screen€switched€itself€off€in€€€€Ìa€huff.€€€€€Ìà ? à'You've€upset€the€Vid€now.€You're€so€selfish.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'It's€my€birthday,€I'm€supposed€to€be€selfish.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Get€up!'€€€€€Ìà ? à'No!'€€€€€€Ìà ? àIt€was€obvious€to€Sulphur€that€he€was€getting€nowhere.€A€€€€Ìchange€of€tactics€was€needed.€His€vocal€circuits€remodulated€into€€€€Ìsoftly€persuasive€tones.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Will,€be€reasonable,€you're€only€harming€yourself.€If€you€€€€€€Ìdon't€get€up,€you€won't€be€able€to€collect€your€distribution€of€€€€€€Ìleisure€entitlement€credits.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Don't€give€me€that!€I€know€perfectly€well€the€payment€can€€€€Ìbe€delivered.€Collecting€the€DOLE€is€just€a€way€to€con€me€into€€€€Ìgetting€out€and€meeting€'interesting'€people.€I€won't€go.'€€€€€Ìà ? àSulphur€did€not€want€to€do€it.€He€knew€he€was€just€pandering€€€€Ìto€Will's€psychosis€but€something€had€to€be€done.€The€alternative€€€€Ìwas€to€just€grab€the€bedclothes€and€pull€and€that€was€far€too€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðundignified€an€option.€He€refused€to€lower€himself€to€human€levels€€€€Ìof€childish€behaviour.€It€would€just€have€to€be€bribery.€€€€€Ìà ? à'If€you€don't€get€up,€I€won't€give€you€your€birthday€€€€Ìpresent.'€€€€€Ìà ? àWill's€voice€managed€to€combine€scepticism€and€curious€€€€Ìgreed.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Present,€what€present?'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Oh,€nothing€much,€just€that€silly€inscribed€brass€door€€€€Ìplaque€you€wanted.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'It's€a€trick.€You€told€me€they€refused€to€make€it.€It€had€€€€Ìno€logic.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'It€took€some€persuading.€I€convinced€them€that€providing€€€€Ìyou€with€objects€of€absolutely€no€logic€has€a€beneficial€sedative€€€€€€Ìeffect.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'You're€lying.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'I'm€not€programmed€to€lie.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Rubbish!'€€€€€Ìà ? àSulphur's€indignation€circuits€shot€onto€booster€setting.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'I've€had€enough€of€this...'€€€€€Ìà ? àWill's€mattress€was€lost€in€erotic€musings€about€silk€sheets€€€€€€Ìand€the€sexy€new€bed„base€down€the€hall€when€Sulphur€coughed€out€a€€€€€€Ìgreat€wave€of€flame.€The€blankets€were€cremated€with€instantaneous€€€€€€Ìpinpoint€accuracy.€The€bed€panicked€and€disappeared€into€its€slot€€€€Ìin€the€wall,€leaving€Will,€confused,€blackened,€but€unharmed,€€€€Ìlying€in€a€pile€of€ash€upon€the€floor.€He€momentarily€reflected€€€€Ìabout€the€wisdom€of€choosing€a€dragon€as€a€companion.€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'Okay,€I've€decided€to€be€reasonable€about€this...'€He€said,€€€€€€Ð  \ Ðmanaging€to€speak€with€remarkable€self„possession€for€someone€with€€€€Ìa€mouthful€of€ash.€'Where's€my€present?'€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€ÌIt€is€not€always€appreciated€that€the€mind€of€a€video€screen€€€€Ìis€a€complex€structure.€€Although€switched€off,€it€was€able€to€€€€Ìsulk€and€plot€its€revenge€with€some€feeling.€€€€€Ìà ? àI€know€they€only€think€of€me€as€a€drudge,€a€mere€household€€€€€€Ìappliance,€but€there€are€limits,€it€reasoned.€After€all,€if€you€€€€Ìprick€a€video€screen,€does€it€not€bleed?€Well,€perhaps€not.€Still,€€€€Ìfeelings€were€hurt€and€injury€received.€The€screen€set€about€€€€Ìrewriting€its€systems.€€It€was€time€for€Will€Prince€to€be€€€€Ìpunished.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€€€€ÌWill€squinted€through€his€glasses€at€the€minuscule€lettering€on€€€€Ìthe€tiny€plaque€he€held€between€thumb€and€forefinger.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Heroics€INC.€I€don't€know€what€to€say.€It's,€it's...small.'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Ungrateful€swine.€You're€lucky€you've€got€it€at€all.'€€€€€ÌSulphur€never€did€realise€just€how€right€he€was,€for€at€that€very€€€€€€Ìmoment€the€video€screen€switched€itself€on€and€aimed€its€newly€€€€€€Ìreorganised€remote€system€at€Will's€head.€The€screen€was€somewhat€€€€€€Ìover„elated€by€anticipation€of€its€coming€triumph€and€had€it€not€€€€€€Ìdiverted€power€from€its€voice€circuits€would€surely€have€said€€€€€€Ìsomething€defiantly€silly€like:€'Eat€light,€sucker!'€or€'Death€to€€€€Ìall€tyrants!'€€€€€Ì€à ? àIn€fact,€all€COMS€systems€had€been€programmed€not€to€€€€Ð xÈ  Ðseriously€harm€humans€because€COMS€knew€that€without€this€very€€€€Ìbasic€precaution,€the€infuriating€creatures€would€be€exterminated€€€€Ìwithin€a€week.€Thus€the€force€of€the€laser€blast€directed€at€Will€€€€Ìwas€only€capable€of€causing€brief€unconsciousness€and€a€slight€€€€Ìheadache.€Due€to€one€of€those€annoying€quirks€of€fate€that€only€€€€Ìever€happen€to€other€people€„€like€finding€a€winning€lottery€€€€Ìticket€or€a€decent€parking€space€„€the€laser€beam€missed€Will€€€€Ìcompletely,€bounced€off€the€brass€plaque€and€was€deflected€up€out€€€€Ìof€the€window.€Oblivious€of€his€escape€Will€put€down€the€plaque,€€€€Ìyawned€and€lazily€scratched€his€left€buttock.€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'I€suppose€I'd€better€have€a€shower.'€€€€€Ð Zª Ѐ€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€€€€€€ÌThe€video€screen€was€inconsolable.€It€wasn't€just€that€the€beam€€€€Ìhad€missed,€the€final€straw€was€that€no€one,€even€the€dragon,€had€€€€€€Ìnoticed.€€€€€Ì€à ? à"I€just€can't€take€it€anymore!"€€€€€Ð p!À  Ѐà ? àAt€the€end€of€its€tether,€or€at€least€its€flex,€the€screen€€€€€€Ð V"¦! Ðdecided€that€there€was€nothing€for€it€but€mental€suicide.€It€bid€a€€€€€€Ìpoignant€farewell€to€the€tiny€room,€searched€its€memory€for€the€€€€Ìmind€obliteration€tape€and€soon€found€the€compilation€of€late€€€€ÌTwentieth€Century€novelty€pop€songs€it€was€looking€for.€It€was€an€€€€Ìunexplosive,€completely€unlamented€end.€Sulphur€irritably€recorded€€€€Ìthe€brief€telltale€fizz€and€tiny€trail€of€smoke€that€marked€the€€€€Ìscreen's€passing.€€€€€Ìà ? à"Good€grief,€not€another€one.€That's€the€trouble€with€these€€€€€€Ìmedia€types€„€they're€too€highly€strung."€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€€€€€ÌUp€and€up,€higher€and€higher€into€the€atmosphere€went€the€€€€Ô_ÔÐ Ð/ +0 Ðdeflected€laser€beam.€€It€passed€through€the€force€field€that€€€€Ìprotected€one€of€Earth's€ozone€layer€bald„spots€and€was€€€€Ìstrengthened€and€magnified.€So€that€by€the€time€it€had€bounced€€€€Ìitself€between€a€couple€of€dozen€defunct€satellites€and€was€€€€Ìdirected€into€space,€the€image€that€had€it€carried€had€expanded€to€€€€Ìthe€size€of€a€small€moon.€For€the€briefest€of€instants,€the€words€€€€Ì"Heroics€INC."€were€written€boldly€across€the€heavens,€before€the€€€€Ìbeam€finally€dissipated.€€€€€Ì€€€€€€€€ÌWill€was€fast,€very€fast,€but€this€time,€not€fast€enough.€After€55€€€€€€Ìseconds€the€water€stopped.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Due€to€disappointing€recent€rainfall€statistics€in€this€€€€€€Ìhemisphere,€the€Cybernetic€Operational€Management€Structure€has€€€€Ìtoday€decided€to€reduce€shower€times€by€five€seconds.€We€hope€this€€€€€€Ìresponsible€attitude€to€conservation€will€be€fully€endorsed€by€all€€€€€€Ìhuman€clients€of€Ô_ÔCOMSÔ_Ô€Water€and€that€they€will€not€be€€€€Ìinconvenienced.'€€€€€Ìà ? àIts€message€over,€the€shower€unit€flew€back€into€the€wall€€€€Ìand€deposited€one€damp,€soap€covered,€extremely€inconvenienced€€€€Ìclient€on€the€floor.€The€hot€air€jets€immediately€enveloped€him,€€€€Ìdrowning€out€a€richly€scatological€collection€of€obscenities.€€€€€Ìà ? àWill€climbed€to€his€feet,€his€hair€stiffened€into€something€€€€€€Ìbizarrely€shaped€like€coral,€his€every€step€a€gentle€rain€of€€€€Ìscorched€Ô_ÔsoapflakesÔ_Ô€bringing€back€memories€of€a€Vid€Sulphur€had€€€€Ìonce€seen€about€a€white€Christmas.€€€€€Ìà ? à'I€told€you€I€should€have€stayed€in€bed.'€Will€growled€€€€€€Ìgrumpily.€An€apoplectic€vacuum€cleaner€appeared€from€a€slot€in€the€€€€€€Ìwall.€Its€whining€complaints€about€Will's€congenital€untidiness,€€€€Ìas€it€greedily€sucked€up€the€soap€and€ashes,€were€in€no€way€€€€Ìdiminished€by€his€frequent€attempts€to€kick€it.€Will€finally€€€€Ìabandoned€these€futile€efforts€and€approached€the€clothing€€€€Ìconsole.€€The€Console€spoke€with€condescending€refinement.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Would€Sir€like€to€make€a€selection?'€€€€€Ìà ? à'I€thought€something€stylish€but€understated.€Perhaps€with€a€€€€€€Ìfew€flamboyant€touches€around€the€cuffs€and€lapels,€and€as€for€the€€€€€€Ìhat...'€€€€€Ìà ? à'Regulation€pastel€grey€jump„suit,€large,€and€boots.'€€€€€ÌThe€articles€appeared.€Everyone€on€the€planet€wore€the€same€drab€€€€€€Ìutility€suit.€The€only€variation€was€in€size.€€€€€Ìà ? à"There€must€be€something€wrong€with€his€optimism€circuits,"€€€€€€ÌSulphur€privately€concluded€as€he€watched€the€human€have€his€usual€€€€€€Ìargument€with€the€console.€€€€€Ìà ? àWill€tried€a€new€tactic€„€Guilt.€€€€€Ìà ? à'But€it's€my€birthday,'€he€wheedled.€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€console€mulled€over€this€information€and€came€to€a€€€€€€Ìdecision.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Sir€is€right.€I'll€probably€get€into€trouble€for€this,€but€€€€€€Ìcall€me€old„fashioned,€call€me€foolish.€I€think€that€today€calls€€€€Ìfor€that€little€something€extra.'€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àThe€console€was€full€of€self„regard€for€its€largesse€as€it€€€€€€Ìreplaced€the€original€selection€and€switched€itself€off.€Will€€€€Ìtried€to€contain€any€overflow€of€gratitude€as€he€dressed€himself€€€€Ìin€one€pair€of€boots,€one€regulation€pastel€grey€jump„suit,€large,€€€€Ìand€one€non„regulation€shocking€pink€badge€which€said€"25€Today".€€€€ÌHe€realised,€with€a€plummeting€heart,€that€it€was€not€even€€€€Ìbreakfast€yet.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€ÌThe€Purple€Ô_ÔThingyÔ_Ô€was€having€quite€a€good€day.€That€is,€until€It€€€€€€Ìintroduced€the€random€element€of€the€equation.€It€was€one€of€those€€€€€€Ìuniversal€rules,€like€it€always€raining€during€national€holidays,€€€€€€Ìthat€for€every€carefully€considered€piece€of€universal€action,€€€€Ìthere€had€to€be€an€equal€amount€of€totally€Ô_ÔjammyÔ_Ô€blind€luck.€This€€€€Ìrule€accounted€for€the€over„population€of€banks€and€casinos€in€the€€€€Ìcosmos€and€also€explained€what€the€Purple€Ô_ÔThingyÔ_Ô€did€next.€€€€€Ì€à ? àIn€an€instant,€it€created€a€wall,€onto€which€was€projected€€€€Ð ¨ø Ðat€bewildering€speed,€an€entirely€haphazard€selection€of€star€€€€Ìcharts.€€€€€€ÌHad€the€Ô_ÔThingyÔ_Ô€possessed€lips,€it€would€certainly€have€stuck€one€€€€Ìof€its€coiling,€acid„dripping€tongues€from€out€of€the€corner€of€€€€Ìthem€as€it€concentrated€on€gripping€a€dart€in€one€of€its€slug„like€€€€Ìtentacles.€With€a€dainty€motion,€the€dart€was€unleashed€and€slowly€€€€Ìfloated€away€on€what€promised€to€be€an€epic€journey.€The€Ô_ÔThingyÔ_Ô€€€€Ìcursed€in€a€stream€of€repellent€liquid€burps€which€roughly€€€€Ìtranslated€as€"Oh€dear,€I€forgot€to€include€gravity,"€before€€€€Ìcorrecting€its€error€and€trying€again.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€tentacle€chosen€for€this€task€had€not€been€used€for€€€€Ð Š Ú Ðseveral€millennia,€had€a€huge€case€of€cramp€and€an€dismal€throwing€€€€Ìaction.€In€the€circumstances€it€seemed€something€of€an€over„€€€Ìreaction€for€the€Ô_ÔThingyÔ_Ô€to€punish€the€resulting€throw€by€changing€€€€Ìthe€tentacle€into€a€game€show€host.€€€€€Ì€à ? à"Ô_ÔSPIGGADEWOPPÔ_Ô!"€the€Ô_ÔThingyÔ_Ô€slimed€and€belched€with€eloquent€€€€€€Ð %X $ Ðfury.€"How€in€Ô_ÔHernagnuseÔ_Ô's€hairnet!€Am€I€going€to€find€a€champion€€€€€€Ìthere?"€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€Ì€Ì€€ÌAs€they€walked€away€from€the€building,€Sulphur€responded€to€€€€€€ÌWill's€mutely€accusing€stare.€€€€€Ìà ? à'I€know,€I€know.€Don't€say€it€again.€You€should€have€stayed€€€€Ìin€bed.'€The€Dragon€reluctantly€had€to€concede€that€even€by€the€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐÔ_Ôdismal€standards€of€Will's€past€birthdays,€this€one€was€unique.€€€€€Ìà ? àFirst€there€had€been€breakfast.€In€a€desperate€attempt€to€€€€€€Ìrescue€the€day.€Will€decided€to€try€and€salvage€things€with€food,€€€€€€Ìplacing€a€lengthy€and€comprehensive€order€with€the€General€€€€€€ÌRefreshment€&€Universal€Buffet€mechanism.€One€by€one,€his€choices€€€€€€Ìwere€dismissed,€apparently€having€slightly€less€nutritional€value€€€€€€Ìthan€carbon€monoxide€laced€with€mustard€gas.€€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€GRUB€mechanism€did€however€make€a€slight€concession€to€€€€Ìhis€birthday€festivities.€It€placed€a€non„edible€candle€into€his€€€€Ìregular€bowl€of€tasteless€yellow€vitamin€and€nutrient€enhanced€€€€Ìpap.€In€the€circumstances€it€was€perhaps€a€trifle€unwise€for€the€€€€Ìmechanism€to€say:€"Eat€up!€It's€good€for€you".€Will€probably€felt€€€€Ìprovoked€into€throwing€it€out€of€the€window.€The€ever„efficient€€€€ÌCOMS€were€prepared€for€such€minor€temperamental€infringements€of€€€€Ìthe€civil€statutes.€Every€apartment€was€equipped€with€its€very€own€€€€ÌCorrectional€Department€„€Client€Monitoring€System€to€keep€a€lens€€€€Ìon€things€and€Will€received€an€instant€fine€for€"over„tipping€the€€€€Ìcatering€staff€and€playing€with€his€food."€After€that€things€€€€Ìquickly€got€worse.€€€€€Ìà ? àWill,€despite€knowing€better,€not€to€try€to€use€one€of€the€€€€€€Ìelevators€to€travel€the€two€hundred€„and„ninety„seven€floors€to€€€€Ìthe€street.€The€elevator€had,€as€programmed€refused€to€budge,€€€€Ìexplaining€pointedly€that:€"it€was€against€the€regulations€of€the€€€€ÌCOMS€Health€Council€to€transport€an€able€bodied€person€under€the€€€€Ìage€of€sixty„five€and€that€the€stairs€were€the€healthy€exercise€€€€Ìchoice."€€€€€Ìà ? àThis€time€Will€had€no€possible€defence€in€support€of€his€€€€Ìattack€on€the€elevator's€power€unit.€What€he€did€say€amounted€to€€€€Ìthe€weak€assertion€that€he€was€"miffed€with€the€lift."€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€elevator's€Correctional€Dept.€Client€Monitoring€System€€€€€€Ìresponded€with€a€fine€for€wasting€the€Correctional€Department's€€€€Ìtime€and€generally€getting€on€their€nerves,€in€addition€to€a€fine€€€€Ìfor€"assault€on€a€battery."€€€€€Ìà ? àEighty€six€thousand,€nine„hundred„and„thirty„five€steps€of€€€€Ìthe€"healthy€exercise€choice"€later,€Will€had€staggered€weakly€€€€Ìinto€the€street€and€collapsed€in€a€hyperventilating€heap€onto€the€€€€Ìsidewalk.€With€Sulphur's€help€he€was€just€able€to€climb€weakly€to€€€€Ìhis€feet€before€any€members€of€the€Personification€Pavement€Patrol€€€€Ìarrived.€As€they€made€their€way€down,€they€passed€several€€€€Ìbreathless€horizontal€veterans€of€the€"endless€staircase."€These€€€€Ìunfortunates€were€receiving€tickets€from€stony„faced€anti„loafing€€€€Ìpersonnel.€The€PPP€were€notorious€for€an€over€zealous€prosecution€€€€Ìof€the€loitering€laws.€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐThe€fog€of€anger,€self€pity€and€fatigue€began€to€clear€from€Will's€€€€€Ìbrain€as€they€made€their€way€through€the€suburbs.€All€around€them,€€€€€Ìgreat€towering€buildings€reached€up€beyond€sight.€Everyone€of€them€€€€€Ìfilled€with€service€apartments,€ninety€to€the€floor,€ten€feet€by€€€€€Ìtwelve€feet,€precisely€mirroring€Will's.€€€€€Ì€à ? àAll€the€human€suburbs€were€alike.€The€buildings,€the€€€€€Ð . ~ Ðapartments,€full€of€people€in€their€regulation€pastel€grey€utility€€€€€Ìsuits.€It€was€the€same€the€world€over,€from€New€Delhi€to€Nova€€ÌScotia.€Even€the€dialects€gradually€evolving€into€a€new€unified€linguistic€€€€€Ìform.€COMS€had€kept€it€promise.€Humankind€had€finally€achieved€€€€€Ìperfect€equality€and€most€were€happy€to€embrace€their€new€€Ìlifestyle,€complete€with€a€few€limitations.€€€€€Ì€€à ? àWill€was€one€of€those€rare€exceptions€who€was€not.€In€a€way€€Ð xÈ  Ðit€was€not€his€fault.€€He€had€been€tutored€in€rebellion€by€his€€Ìmother.€A€proud€woman€with€a€love€of€the€past€and€of€all€the€cultural€€Ìbric„a„brac€that€went€with€it.€She€had€told€him€the€stories€that€€Ìinspired,€shown€him€the€banned€books€and€videos,€made€him€€Ìappreciate€their€beauty.€Then€one€day€Dee€Prince€had€vanished,€€Ìalong€with€her€beloved€collection€of€contraband€classics.€COMS€had€€Ìtried€to€revise€his€education€but€the€damage€had€been€done.€Will€€Ìhad€developed€unreal€expectations€of€life.€He€was€the€sort€of€€Ìdangerous€anachronism€who€believed€in€preposterous€unobtainable€€Ìthings€like€true€love€and€truer€adventures.€€€€€Ì€€à ? àYears€had€passed€and€his€frustration€had€kept€pace€with€his€€€€€Ð Zª Ðbody.€He€knew€that€his€outbursts€were€increasing€to€a€point€where€€€€€Ìthey€would€no€longer€be€tolerated.€COMS€had€already€graded€his€€€€€Ìapartment€into€the€same€high€risk€location€category€as€that€used€€Ìfor€solar€exploration.€€What€would€happen€went€they€could€take€no€€Ìmore?€€€€€Ìà ? àWere€the€rumours€about€banishment€true?€Is€that€where€his€€Ìmother€had€gone?€Why€couldn't€he€just€accept€the€status€quo?€It€€Ìwould€be€make€life€so€much€easier€and€less€painful.€€€€€Ì€à ? à"CLANG!!!"€€€€€Ð p!À  Ѐà ? àWill€was€totally€immersed€in€thought€and€had€walked€into€the€€€€€Ð V"¦! Ðtransportation€sign.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'I€wish€you€wouldn't€do€this,'€Sulphur€pleaded.€€€€€Ð "$r# Ѐà ? àWill€gently€rubbed€his€throbbing€forehead€and€pressed€the€€Ð %X $ Ðcall€button.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'You've€got€to€try€things.€Someday€the€transport€will€give€€Ð Ô&$"& Ðin.€The€rules€will€be€bent.€That'll€be€a€small€victory.€It's€the€hope€€Ìof€those€victories€that€keeps€me€alive.'€€€€€ÌSulphur€stared€fixedly€at€the€pink€badge€on€Will's€chest.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'You€didn't€seem€to€find€your€victory€with€the€clothes€€Ð l*¼%* Ðconsole€particularly€life€enhancing.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Here€it€comes,'€Will€used€a€distant€lofty€tone.€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ѐ€à ? àSulphur€smiled.€Will€always€got€huffy€when€stumped€for€a€€€€€Ð -n(- Ðretort.€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€transport€swooped€recklessly€out€of€the€sky€and€came€to€€Ìa€dead€stop,€floating€just€above€the€ground.€The€aged€passengers€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwore€their€usual€transportation€faces.€€Fixed€grimaces€of€mingled€€Ìpanic€and€terror.€Personifications€were€not€noted€for€being€€Ìsoothing€drivers.€Their€polished,€split„second€reactions€to€€Ìlooming€obstacles€made€every€trip€seem€like€your€last.€The€doors€€Ìopened.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Mind€the€gap,€mind€the€gap.'€€€€€€Ð . ~ Ѐà ? àTo€discourage€the€countless€arguments€between€surly€drivers€€Ð  d Ðand€rude€passengers€that€always€seemed€a€fixed€feature€of€the€old€€Ìway€of€life,€some€bright€spark€at€COMS€had€come€up€with€the€idea€€Ìof€making€the€driver€look€intimidating.€Will€found€himself€inches€€Ìfrom€a€very€large€and€vicious€looking€gorilla.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Where€to?'€€€€€Ð ’â  ÐWill€mentally€reassured€himself€that€this€monstrous€beast€was€€€€€Ìprogrammed€not€to€harm€him.€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'HWC€43332.'€€€€€Ð D”  Ѐà ? àThe€gorilla's€dark€frown€solidified.€In€a€voice€so€deep€that€€Ð *z  Ðit€was€almost€cosmic,€it€spoke.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'It€is€against€the€regulations€of€the€COMS€health€council€to€€€€€Ð öF Ðtransport€an€able„bodied€person€under€the€age€of€sixty„five€for€€€€€Ìdistances€of€less€than€five€miles.€Human€welfare€centre€number€€Ì43332€is€a€distance€of€only€3.725€miles€away.€Therefore,€I€must€€ÌÌadvise€you,€that€walking€is€the€healthy€exercise€choice.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Yes,€I€know€all€that.'€Will€said,€showing€a€stupid€amount€€Ð Zª Ðof€bravado€in€trying€to€continue€the€conversation.€`But,€what€€Ìabout€my€mental€health?€That's€what€I€want€to€know.€Have€you€been€€Ìto€Dickensland€lately?€If€I€have€to€step€over€one€more€cheerfully€€€€€Ìstarving€Victorian€urchin€I'll€have€a€breakdown.€If€you€took€me€to€€€€€Ìthe€centre,€it€would€almost€amount€to€a€humanitarian€gesture.€€€€€ÌYou...you...hairy€cretin!'€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€care€with€which€the€Gorilla€gripped€Will's€throat€and€€€€€Ð ¤ô Ðgently€placed€him€back€upon€the€pavement€definitely€amounted€to€a€€€€€Ìhumanitarian€gesture.€Sulphur€exchanged€a€momentary€glance€full€of€€€€€Ìapology€and€regret€with€the€driver,€the€sort€of€look€that€was€€€€€Ìreserved€the€universe€over€for€beings€trying€to€distance€€Ìthemselves€from€embarrassing€acquaintances.€€€€€ÌThe€gorilla€replied€with€a€coded€expression€full€of€martyred€€€€€Ìresignation.€A€look€all€Personifications€recognised€as€the€€€€€Ìexasperated€sign€language€for€"Why€do€we€put€up€with€these€€Ìidiots?"€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€door€closed.€The€transport€rocketed€upward,€pirouetting€€€€€Ð  (ð#( Ðaway€at€a€speed€that€caused€Sulphur€to€idly€wonder€if€the€gorilla€€Ìwas€venting€his€annoyance€on€the€petrified€passengers.€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€remained€strangely€silent,€perhaps€because€he€remained€€Ð R+¢&+ Ðfor€some€time€a€not€very€fetching€shade€of€purple.€After€they€had€€Ìwalked€for€a€while€he€did€manage€a€contrite€croak.€€€€€Ì'They€say€walking€is€the€healthy€exercise€choice€you€know.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Hummph!'€€€€€Ð ê.:*/ Ѐà ? àSulphur€privately€concluded€that€as€he€did€not€need€to€get€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðhealthy,€walking€3.725€miles€on€his€stumpy€legs€was,€to€say€the€€€€€Ìleast,€inconvenient.€Still,€someone€had€to€keep€a€lens€on€Will.€€ÌThe€great€fool€was€not€to€be€trusted€on€his€own.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€ÌÌÌÌ€ÌThe€towering€modern€structures€soon€gave€way€to€festering€€ÌNineteenth€Century€slums.€There€were€no€real€boundaries€to€this€€Ìworld€of€villains€and€cutpurses,€Newgate€and€the€Fleet;€to€€ÌDickens„land.€€€€€Ì€à ? àIt€had€been€named€with€typical€COMS€inventiveness,€a€€€€€Ð D”  Ðpreposterous€relic€of€early€leisure€society€planning.€Constructed€€€€€Ìover€a€century€before€to€provide€instructive€recreations€of€€Ìauthors'€work.€Most€of€the€existing€landscape€had€been€demolished€€Ìto€make€way€for€huge€bibliographical€inspired€theme€parks;€€ÌShakespeare„land,€Bronte„land,€Hardy„land,€Prince„land,€Burns„€Ìland,€Thomas„land,€and€a€myriad€of€others.€The€entire€island€that€€Ìonce€contained€England,€Scotland€and€Wales€was€bisected€and€over€€Ìrun€by€these€Educational€Prototype€Inter„active€Community€Systems.€€ÌTransformed€to€function€as€a€tourist€Mecca€for€the€Northern€€ÌHemisphere.€€€€€Ì€à ? àUnfortunately,€soon€after€construction€was€completed,€COMS€€€€€Ð &v Ðdecided€that€travel€was€not€only€unnecessary€but€downright€€Ìdangerous.€€€€Ìà ? àThey€reasoned€that€there€was€no€point€in€humans€taking€€Ìpotentially€risky€journeys€when€they€could€get€a€perfectly€€Ìadequate,€and€only€slightly€censored,€view€of€the€world€from€the€€Ìcomfort€of€their€own€apartments.€The€literary€E.P.I.C.S€remained,€€Ìleft€€solely€for€the€use€of€the€odd€local€and€even€odder€camera€€Ìcrew.€€€€€Ì€à ? àAs€a€resident€of€9€780713€628111€(Old€London),€as€the€€€€€Ð <#Œ" Ðnumerically€obsessed€machines€called€it,€Will€had€the€pleasure€of€€€€€Ìbeing€pestered€by€a€rich€variety€of€consumer„starved€Dickensian€€Ìlife€on€his€way€to€collect€his€Distribution€of€Leisure€Entitlement€€€€Ìpayment.€€€€€Ì€€€€ÌÌÌ̀̀€€€ÌThis€meant€that€in€a€short€space€of€time,€he€had€turned€down€an€€€€€Ìoffer€of€shares€in€the€United€Metropolitan€Improved€Hot€Muffin€and€€€€€ÌCrumpet€and€Punctual€Delivery€Company.€Had€agreed€with€a€roughish„€€€€Ìeyed,€dwafen€lady€of€about€45€that€"It€was€a€world€of€gammon€and€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðspinach",€and€had€been€confusingly€informed€by€a€young€ink„stained€€€€€Ìgentlemen€that€the€surrounding€excellent€weather€was€"a€London€€€€€Ìparticular,€a€fog."€€€€€Ì€à ? àBy€the€time€Sam€Weller€introduced€himself,€Will€was€starting€€Ð b² Ðto€get€really€cheesed€off.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Vell€I€never,€Will€Prince,€wery€glad€to€see€you,€indeed,€€Ð . ~ Ðand€hope€our€acquaintance€may€be€a€long€`un,€as€the€gen`l'man€said€€Ìto€the€€fi'€pun'€note.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Go€away.'€€€€€Ð à 0 Ѐà ? à'Wich€is€your€partickler€Wanity?€Wich€Wanity€do€you€like€the€€€€€Ð Æ   Ðflavour€on€best,€sir?'€Sam€boldly€inquired€as€Will€tried€to€make€a€€€€€Ìhastening€exit.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'GET€LOST!'€€€€€Ð xÈ  Ðà ? à'Anythin'€for€a€quiet€life,€as€the€man€said€when€he€took€the€€€€€Ìsitivation€at€the€lighthouse.'€€€€€Ì€à ? àWith€customary€good€sense,€Sam€vacated€his€position€to€Uriah€€€€€Ð *z  ÐHeep.€Heep,€his€long€hands€slowly€twisting€over€one€another,€made€€Ìa€ghastly€writhe€from€the€waist€upwards€and€was€just€able€to€€Ìinform€everyone€in€the€vicinity€of€his€extreme€`umbleness€when€€ÌWill€tripped€him€and€broke€free€of€a€growing€crowd€of€fictional€€Ìbit„players.€€€€€Ìà ? àDeprived€of€a€customer€they€watched€the€fleeing€figures€of€€Ìman€and€dragon€with€varying€degrees€of€disgruntlement.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'I'm€gormed€and€I€can't€say€fairer€than€that,'€Mr€Peggoty€€€€€Ð Zª Ðcommented.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€red„faced€legal€figure€of€Mr€Sergeant€Buzfuz€firmly€€€€€Ð &v Ðasserted€that€Will€was€'a€being€erect€on€two€legs,€and€bearing€all€€€€€Ìthe€outward€semblance€of€a€man,€not€a€monster.'€Mrs€Gamps€opinion€€Ìwas€that€'he'd€make€a€lovely€corpse',€whilst€Simon€Tappertit€€Ìpaused€as€if€in€triumph€and€wiped€his€heated€face€upon€his€sleeve€€Ìbefore€stating€that,€'Something€will€come€of€this.€I€hope€it€€Ìmayn't€be€human€gore.'€€€€€Ì€à ? àUriah€Heep€however,€was€unctuously€eloquent€about€the€joy€of€€€€€Ð p!À  Ðbeing€tripped€by€a€man€of€Master€Prince's€standing€and€looked€€Ìforward€to€repeating€the€experience€on€his€return€journey.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€ÌÌÌ̀̀€€€€€ÌHaving€arrived€in€the€neighbourhood€and€decided€against€€Ìrearranging€the€planets€into€a€neater€grouping.€The€Purple€Thingy€€Ìscanned€our€Solar€System€with€growing€dismay.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThere€was€a€flicker€or€two€of€promise€on€the€forth€planet€€Ð -n(- Ðbut€no€creatures€here€were€really€top„grade,€bite„yer„gurglies„€Ìoff,€galaxy„trashing€champion€material.€Take€those€absurd€beings€€Ìon€the€blue„green€world€for€instance.€It€was€a€marvel€that€they€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðhad€managed€to€survive€for€the€fleeting€time€they€had,€ridiculous€€Ìthey€actually€thought€they€were€important,€that€individually€they€€Ìmattered.€What€was€even€more€gob„smackedly€amazing€was€that€they€€Ìhad€convinced€their€machines€that€this€was€the€case.€€€€€à ÿ àIt€was€no€good.Ð b² ÐThese€insignificant€creatures€would€never€be€€€€€Ìable€to€rescue€the€MADID.€It€would€have€to€come€up€with€an€€€€€Ìalternative€plan.€If€all€life€in€this€system€was€to€suddenly,€€€€€Ìinexplicably€cease,€no€one€could€really€call€it€cheating.€With€no€€€€€Ìlife,€there€could€be€no€potential€champion,€and€with€no€champion,€€€€€Ìanother€choice.€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€Thingy€was€just€revving€up€to€a€total€genocide€setting€€€€Ìwhen,€with€perfect€jammy€blind€luck€timing,€one€of€Its€eyeball€€€€Ìcontrol€brains€picked€up€a€trace€memory€of€the€deflected€laser€€Ìbeam's€message€and€broadcast€the€name€"Heroics€INC."€into€several€€Ìdozen€of€the€Thingy's€rancid€eyeballs.€The€Thingy€paused€to€€Ìprocess€this€information,€deciding€to€follow€the€laser€trail€and€€Ìinvestigate€further.€Like€many€over€beings€in€the€universe,€It€had€€Ìlearned€to€never€underestimate€the€power€of€good€advertising.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€ÌÌÌ̀̀€€€€ÌWill€and€Sulphur,€both€thanking€a€benign€fate€for€keeping€€Ìthem€out€of€the€clutches€of€that€saccharin€infant€Tiny€Tim,€€Ìtempered€their€relief€with€the€knowledge€that€they€would€shortly€€Ìhave€to€make€a€return€journey.€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€did€not€hate€the€place€as€much€as€he€pretended.€At€€Ð ¾ Ðleast€the€trip€through€Dickensland€allowed€him€the€chance€to€see€€Ìthe€odd€tree€and€blade€of€grass,€and€there€was€always€the€€Ìpossibility€that€some€of€the€more€fantastical€inhabitants€might€€Ìappear.€He€harboured€quite€a€fondness€for€the€mean„spirited€€ÌGabriel€Grub€and€his€tormenting€Goblins,€although€the€many€€Ìradiantly€jolly€rehabilitated€versions€of€the€sour€sextant€were€€Ìtiresome€in€the€extreme.€€€€€Ì€à ? àSulphur,€on€the€other€hand,€could€find€nothing€to€brighten€€Ð î%>!% Ðthe€prospect€of€the€return€visit.€The€place,€full€of€ancient€€€€€ÌPersonfications,€always€disturbed€him.€The€old€tourist€units€were€€€€€Ìreally€no€better€than€advanced€automatons,€capable€of€only€the€€Ìmost€basic€reasoning€and€no€one€liked€to€be€faced€with€the€€Ìrealisation€that€one's€grandparents€were€retards.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThen€there€was€the€Will€factor.€Whenever€Sulphur€tried€to€€€€€Ð R+¢&+ Ðinstil€in€his€charge€a€basic€grasp€of€the€concept€of€historical€€€€€Ìaccuracy€as€in€the€case€of€the€Crimson€Pirate€and€other€anomalies€€Ìtoo€numerous€to€mention,€he€was€always€countered€with€the€same€€Ìresponse:€"Explain€Dickensland€then€Clever„clogs."€It€did€no€good€€Ìto€explain€that€there€was€a€difference€between€the€history€of€the€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðpage€and€of€the€past.€Will€just€responded€that€his€anomalies€were€€Ì`products€of€the€page'€and€that€was€how€he€liked€them.€€€€€Ì€à ? àWhat€Sulphur€would€never€admit,€even€to€himself,€was€that€he€€€€€Ð |Ì Ðliked€to€lose€arguments€even€less€then€the€Human.€There€was€€Ìsomething€deeply€discomforting€about€losing€to€someone€with€a€€Ìfraction€of€your€brainpower.€Which€probably€explained€the€non„€Ìappearance€of€baboons€in€major€galactic€chess€championships.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€ÌÌÌÌ€ÌThey€entered€Human€Welfare€Centre€No€43332.€€It€was€still€€Ìquite€early€and€the€crowds€had€not€begun€to€drift€in€for€their€€Ìlunch„time€mingling€session.€€Several€others€hung€around€the€GRUB€€ÌMachines€with€vapid€smiles€and€untroubled,€pastel€grey€utility€€Ìminds.€€Will€moved€rapidly€towards€the€distribution€of€leisure€€Ìentitlement€office.€€€€€€Ìà ? àQuickly€in€and€out,€that€was€the€answer,€or€you€run€the€risk€€Ìof€€some€grinning€idiot€grabbing€you€to€explain,€with€sadistic€€Ìprecision,€how€exciting€their€life€was.€€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWhile€Sulphur€hastened€to€the€Personification€lounge€to€€Ð Zª Ðcatch€up€on€the€latest€gossip€from€various€beaked€and€clawed€€Ìartificial€companions,€Will€took€a€seat€€in€a€payment€booth.€€To€€Ìhis€surprise,€the€payment€was€not€immediately€issued€on€completion€€Ìof€scanning.€Instead€his€official€`COMSgratulations'€birthday€card€€Ìcontained€an€instruction€to€go€to€cubicle€four.€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€€ÌÌÌ€€€€€ÌThe€Purple€Thingy€had€traced€the€origin€of€the€laser€blast€€Ìto€Will's€apartment.€Time€was€getting€short€and€this€human€€Ìcreature€would€have€to€do.€€€€€Ì€€à ? àIt€was€obvious€that€the€Thingy€would€have€to€change€Its€€€€€Ð Ô&$"& Ðappearance;€a€culture€that€could€not€conceive€of€life€without€soft€€€€€Ìtoilet€paper€could€not€begin€to€comprehend€a€major€multi„€Ìdimensional€super„personality€like€the€Thingy.€In€a€fraction€of€a€€Ìsecond€It€had€scanned€Mankind's€pitiful€excuse€for€a€history€and€€Ìreached€a€decision.€With€such€a€narrow€range€of€genre€expectations€€Ìto€choose€from,€the€transformation€into€Sharon,€Queen€of€the€€ÌIlluminated€Way,€took€but€an€instant.€€€€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì€€€€ÌÐ Ð/ +0 Ї€Ì€€€€€ÌWill's€Social€Worker€was€one€of€the€upbeat€sort.€You€could€tell€€Ìthat€from€the€"smiley„face"€on€his€baseball€cap€and€the€inane€€Ìsmirk€that€went€with€it.€€€€€Ìà ? à'Hi€Will!€How's€the€birthday?'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Lousy'€€€€€Ð  d Ѐà ? à'Well,€I€found€out€that€I've€only€got€six€months€to€live...'€€€€€Ð ú J Ѐà ? à'Wonderful!'€€€€€Ð à 0 Ѐà ? à'It€seems€that€my€head€is€slowly€turning€into€a€Bonsai€€Ð Æ   ÐTree.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Fantastic!'€€€€€Ð ’â  Ѐà ? à'That's€why€I€blew€up€my€building€today.'€€€€€Ð xÈ  Ѐà ? à'That's€terrific€news!€But,€enough€chit€chat,€Will€„€though€€Ð ^®  Ðits€so€enjoyable€to€have€this€chance€to€inter„relate€with€a€guy€€Ìlike€you.'€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€Social€Worker€tried€to€look€meaningful€and€sombre€but€€Ð ` Ðwas€unable€to€cancel€out€that€grin,€which€made€him€look€like€an€€Ìover„excited€puppy.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'This€is€serious€buddy.€COMS€is€worried€about€you.€They€€€€€Ð  Ðcare...'€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill's€reaction€to€this€bland€statement€was€suddenly€one€of€€€€€Ð ŽÞ Ðabsolute€blind€terror.€No€matter€how€much€you€mentally€prepare€€€€€Ìyourself,€the€speedy€onrush€of€disaster€comes€as€a€terrific€shock.€€ÌHe€grimly€realised€that€IT€might€be€coming.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThere€was€a€modern€legend;€one€that€was€used€to€get€€Ð &v Ðyoungsters€to€do€as€they€were€told,€one€that€remained€with€you€€Ìuntil€adulthood.€Such€was€its€power€and€its€ability€to€scare.€It€€Ìwas€about€the€"caring€COMS€speech"€or€"the€BARF€address"€as€it€was€€Ìmore€commonly€known.€No€one€that€he€knew€had€heard€it,€but€€Ìeveryone€was€roughly€aware€of€what€it€contained.€It€was€a€prelude€€Ìto€the€€ultimate€punishment€that€COMS€could€bestow:€Exile.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àHe€had€known€that€he€had€been€getting€on€the€Authorities'€€€€€Ð p!À  Ðnerves€and€had€been€thinking€of€the€possibility€of€this€meeting€€Ìwith€increasing€frequency.€Yet€he€had€never€thought€€that€the€€Ìthreat€was€serious€„€it€was€just€a€contemporary€myth.€As€a€grown„€Ìup€he€could€not€really€believe,€in€his€heart€of€hearts,€that€they€€Ìhas€exiled€his€mother,€no€more€than€he€believed€in€BARF.€It€had€€Ìjust€been€an€excuse€so€that€he€could€blame€COMS€for€all€his€€Ìfrustrations.€€€€€€Ìà ? àBARF;€the€very€name€was€nonsensical,€unreal.€The€letters€€Ìstood€for€the€salient€points€of€the€speech:€BALANCED.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€Social€Worker€had€finished€his€gushing€preliminaries€and€€€€€Ð l*¼%* Ðnow€plunged€into€the€main€body€of€his€text.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'What€they€want€to€know€is,€are€you€sure€that€you're€really€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ðbalanced€and€happy€as€an€individual€and€part€of€the€team?€€This€is€€€€€Ìnot€meant€as€a€criticism€you€understand.'€€€€€Ì€à ? àBalanced,€the€word€had€struck€Will€like€a€blow.€Maybe€as€the€€€€€Ð ê.:*/ Ðsaying€went,€there€was€such€a€thing€as€`BARF€before€banishment',€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐIf€so€ADJUSTMENT€would€be€next.€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'COMS€is€there€for€you:€At€all€times.€We€all€try€to€make€€Ð –æ Ðyour€life€as€simple€and€yet€as€richly€textured€as€possible.€All€we€€Ìask€is€that€you€help€us€by€making€a€very€small€adjustment€in€your€€Ìbehaviour.€€€€€Ìà ? àNot€that€we€think€for€a€moment,€for€the€tiniest€microsecond,€€Ìthat€there's€anything€fundamentally€wrong€with€that€behaviour...'€€€€€Ì€à ? à"Huh.€Do€they€think€I'm€that€big€a€fool?"€Will€thought€and€€Ð ú J Ðthen€remembered€the€evidence€in€their€favour.€He€tried€to€look€€Ìcomposed€and€attentive.€But€however€cool€the€outer€appearance,€€Ìinside€he€was€sweating€oceans.€Adjustment€was€in€place€and€a€€Ìsentence€of€death€could€not€sound€any€more€final€or€scary,€the€€Ìnext€word€would€be:€RELATING.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'It's€not€that€we're€keeping€score.€No€one€is.€It's€just€€Ð ^®  Ðthat,€well,€we€can't€help€noticing€that€you€seem€to€have€a€little€€Ìtrouble€with€relating.€Not€just€with€us.€With€your€own€kind,€You€€Ìhave€to€give€them€a€chance,€they're€a€great€bunch€of€fabulously€€Ìinteresting€people,€and€we're€not€exactly€dull,'€he€suavely€€Ìchuckled.€€Ìà ? à'Now€we're€not€saying€that€you€have€a€problem,'€€€€€Ì€à ? à"BANISHMENT€isn't€a€problem?!!"€€€€€Ð ¨ø Ѐà ? àWill's€mental€processes,€partly€numbed€by€nausea€were€€Ð ŽÞ Ðgetting€desperate,€frantically€preparing€a€rebuttal€address€that€€Ìwent€as€follows:€"Help!€€How€do€I€get€out€of€this?€€I€can€be€good.€€€ÌI€can€learn,€you'll€see.€€I€can€be€as€dull€as€anyone,€just€give€me€€Ìanother€try.€€I€can€fit€in.€€You'll€see.€€I'll€never€moan€again,€€Ìat€anyone,€at€anything,€Not€even€the€GRUB€machine.€€Just€don't,€€Ìplease,€please,€don't€...€mention€FULFILMENT."€à § à€€€€€Ð òB Ðà ? à'It's€only€that,€by€acting€this€way,€by€being€ever€so€€Ìslightly€„€I€have€to€say€it€„€antisocial,€you're€denying€yourself€€Ìsuch€an€amount€of€riches.€€We€feel€that€your€life€is€currently€€Ìlacking€a€vital€sense€of€wonder,€of€real€fulfilment€...€That€is€€Ìwhy.,'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Here€it€comes,'€Will€screwed€up€his€face€and€his€courage.€€€Ð V"¦! Ðà ? àIt€was€one€thing€to€think€distantly€about€banishment,€but€€Ìquite€another€to€confront€it.€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€Social€Worker€leaned€forward.€€If€it€had€not€been€for€€Ð %X $ Ðthe€distraction€caused€by€the€baseball€cap,€the€boyish€face€would€€Ìhave€seemed€almost€saintly€in€its€concern.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'We€decided€to€have€this€little€talk.€€As€I've€already€said€€€€€Ð º' #' ÐCOMS€cares.€€If€you€have€any€problems€feel€free€to€come€and€see€me€€Ìat€anytime.'€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€felt€sure€that€there€was€more€coming.€€€€€Ð l*¼%* Ѐà ? à'Is€this€a€trick?'€€€€€Ð R+¢&+ Ðà ? àThe€Social€Worker€was€confused.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Trick?'€€€€€Ð -n(- Ѐà ? à'It's€all€waiting€for€me€outside,€isn't€it?€€This€is€just€to€€€€€Ð .T). Ðlull€me€into€a€false€sense€of€security.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'What's€waiting?€€I€don't€understand,€feller.'€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐà ? à'The€restraints,€the€spaceship.€Banishment€to€deep€space?'€€€€€€Ð ° Ѐà ? àThe€Social€Worker€was€so€outraged,€he€almost€lost€his€grin.€€€€€Ð –æ Ѐà ? à'Banishment?€€We€don't€banish€anyone.€€We've€never€banished€€€€€Ð |Ì Ðanyone.€€It€would€be€barbaric€to€let€you€loose€on€space.€€You€€ÌHumans€made€a€big€enough€shambles€of€life€on€your€own€planet,€€Ìwithout€allowing€you€to€spread€anywhere€else.€€Mankind€in€space!€€€ÌI've€never€heard€of€anything€so€silly.€€If€there's€any€galactic€€Ìexploring€to€be€done€Will,€COMS€will€do€it.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'What€about€my€mother€then?'€Will€spat€out€in€an€accusing€€€€€Ð à 0 Ðvoice.€The€Social€Worker€paused,€eyes€glazed,€as€it€accessed€the€€€€Ìrelevant€information€for€a€response.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Your€mother€was€like€you;€she€got€immersed€in€that€€Ð ’â  ÐTwentieth€Century€rubbish€and€became€unhappy€because€of€it.€€She€€Ìwas€not€content€with€just€having€good€things€provided€by€us.€€ÌThat's€why€she€had€the€breakdown.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'BREAKDOWN!'€€€€€Ð *z  Ðà ? à'Yes.€€She€started€to€believe€that€COMS€had€punished€all€the€€Ìgreat€or€difficult€minds€of€Earth€by€exiling€them€to€Mars.€€€ÌThough,€having€seen€all€those€old€films€and€books,€I'm€surprised€€Ìshe€thought€there€were€any.€She€stole€away€an€a€mining€transport.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'You€LET€her€go?'€€€€€Ð ¨ø Ѐà ? à'In€those€days€we€let€people€go€to€Mars.€€They€couldn't€do€€Ð ŽÞ Ðmuch€harm,€or€go€anywhere€else.€€There€may€even€be€a€handful€left€€Ìup€there.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'So€there's€no€banishment.'€€€€€Ð @ Ðà ? à'No,€No€banishment,€I€think€you€got€that€from€your€mother.€€€€€ÌMust€be€some€kind€of€strange€hereditary€delusion.€€It€would€€Ìexplain€a€lot€if€you€were€mad.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Never€mind€that.€€You're€saying€that,€if€I€don't€feel€like€€€€€Ð Ø( Ðtalking,€I€can€go?'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Yes.€€I'm€just€here€when€you€need€me.'€€€€€Ð ¤ô Ѐ€à ? àWill's€mind€and€feelings€were€a€turbulent€mess.€€If€what€the€€€€€Ð Š Ú ÐSocial€Worker€said€were€true,€and€he€could€see€no€reason€why€it€€Ìwould€lie,€the€foundation€on€which€Will€had€built€his€loathing€of€€Ìthe€leisure€culture€was€about€as€stable€as€a€trapeze€act€in€a€€Ìtyphoon.€There€was€hope€after€all.€€It€was€clear.€€He€realised€€Ìthat€if€he€could€put€aside€his€own€inherent€inadequacies€and€€Ìparanoia,€there€was€a€chance€to€make€a€life€in€this€mechanistic€€Ìsociety.€€He€could€see€a€whole€new€set€of€options€illuminated€by€a€€Ìpeaceful€inner€light.€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Okay,€I'll€go...'€Will€paused,€waiting€apologetically.€€€€€Ð  (ð#( Ѐà ? à'Is€there€anything€else?.'€€€€€Ð †)Ö$) Ðà ? à'Well,€yes.€€My€birthday€payment.€€The€card€was€empty.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'I'm€sorry€Will€„€there€is€no€payment.€€It€seems€you€€Ð R+¢&+ Ðincurred€quite€a€few€fines€this€morning.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'You€mean,€I've€been€through€everything€this€morning€for€€€€€Ð -n(- Ðnothing.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Not€for€nothing€Will.€€Any€experience€can€be€educational.'€€€€€Ð ê.:*/ Ѐ€à ? àFor€a€moment,€the€old€frustration€flared€up€inside,€Will€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcoldly€imagined€ripping€the€Social€Worker's€head€off,€filling€it€€Ìwith€explosive€and€giving€DOLE€office€No€43332€a€birthday€payment€€Ìit€would€never€forget.€€€€€Ìà ? àHe€had€been€under€considerable€pressure€all€day€and€given€€Ìthe€circumstances,€his€self„control€was€almost€admirable.€€€€€Ì€à ? à"I€can€live€without€the€payment,"€he€reasoned.€"My€temper€€Ð . ~ Ðwas€partly€to€blame.€€€The€Social€Workers€right,€I've€never€given€€ÌCOMS€a€chance.€€All€I€have€to€do€is€trust€in€them."€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWith€his€equilibrium€restored,€Will€smiled€his€sweetest€€Ð à 0 Ðsmile.€€€€€Ìà ? à'About€the€payment;€No€problem.'€€€€€Ì€à ? à'That's€fine.'€The€Social€Worker€rose€and€held€out€his€hand,€€Ð ’â  Ðà ? à'I€believe€it€was€customary€to€SHAKE€in€those€old€films€of€€Ìyours.'€€€€€Ì€€à ? àIt€was€all€so€very€fast.€€As€Will€reached€over€to€respond,€€Ð D”  Ðthe€Social€Worker€expertly€drove€the€hypo€into€his€arm.€€Will€had€€€€€Ìcollapsed€back€into€his€chair€and€was€being€swallowed€by€one€of€€Ìthose€inky€black€pools€that€over„populate€detective€fiction€before€€Ìhe€realised€that€anything€was€wrong.€€€€€Ì€€à ? àAs€his€befuddled€brain€struggled€to€make€sense€of€what€was€€€€€Ð  Ðhappening,€he€became€aware€of€the€Social€Worker€leaning€over€him€€Ìwith€touching€concern.€€He€concentrated€all€his€remaining€effort€€Ìon€understanding€what€was€said€next.€€He€knew€that€it€would€be€€Ìvery€important.€€The€Social€Worker's€sad€tone€was€more€sinned€€Ìagainst€than€sinning.€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'You€see,€Will,€we€don't€banish€people.€€It's€too€€Ð &v Ðimpractical,€and€anyway,€it's€our€job€to€protect€you,€that's€why€€Ìwe€intend€to€mentally€re„educate€you.€€That's€what€we€really€do€€Ìwith€all€the€difficult€ones,'€his€voice€became€Jaunty.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Hell,€feller!€Just€think€of€it€as€a€retraining€€Ìopportunity.'€€€€€Ìà ? àThat€was€all€that€Will€remembered.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌQueen€Sharon€appeared€with€a€powerful€flourish€that€sent€most€of€€€€€€€ÌWill's€household€machines€into€powerpack€arrest.€€The€apartment€€€€€€Ìwas€empty.€€She€closed€her€eyes€and€scanned€the€city€before€€€€€€Ìquickly€vanishing.€After€checking€that€the€coast€was€clear,€the€€€€€€Ìvacuum€made.a€tentative€appearance€to€inspect€the€damage.€€It€was€€€€€€Ìobvious€that€this€stain€just€would€not€come€out.€€The€floor€was€€€€€€Ìscorched€where€the€Queen€had€been€standing.€The€small€sign€that€€€€€€Ìshe€had€landed€on€was€a€bubbling€gooey€mess.€€It€had€read:€HEROICS€€€€€€ÌINC.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€€€€Ì̀̀̀ÌWhen€Will€woke€up€it€would€have€been€easy€to€think€it€was€all€€Ìa€dream.€€The€cell€at€COMS€central€was€just€like€his€apartment.€€€€€€€ÌThere€were€some€differences.€€The€window€shutters€informed€him€€€€€€Ìthat€they€performed€an€entirely€decorative€function,€the€door€€€€€€Ìwould€not€respond€to€his€voice€command,€there€was€a€working€GRUB€€€€€€Ìmachine€and€video€screen,€and€lastly,€Sulphur€was€quiet.€€These€€€€€€Ìthings€were€curious,€but€in€his€drowsy€state,€not€threatening.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€bed€looked€nice€and€cosy€and€ever€SO€relaxing,€he€would€€€€€€€Ð xÈ  Ðreturn€to€its€warm€protection€and....€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThere€was€something€he€had€forgotten;€a€reason€not€to€sleep€€€€€€€Ð D”  Ðthat€he€must€remember,€that€was€important€to€remember.€€With€a€€€€€€Ìhuge€effort,€he€thrust€himself€away€from€the€bed.€€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'The€shower!'€€€€€€Ð öF Ѐà ? àA€shower€would€help€him€think.€€Will€staggered€over€and€€€€€€Ð Ü, Ðpressed€for€water.€€The€shower€politely€informed€him€that€'Due€to€€€€€€€Ìdisappointing€recent€rainfall€statistics€in€this€hemisphere,€COMS€€€€€€€Ìwater€is€restricting€bathing€to€one€session€per€customer€per€day.€€€€€€€€ÌYou€are€therefore€ineligible.€€Please€try€later.'€€€€€€Ìà ? àSomething€was€making€a€thumping€noise€but€he€ignored€it.€€€€€€€ÌThe€video€screen€would€tell€him€why€he€was€so€sleepy.€€Will€turned€€€€€€Ìit€on.€€€€€€€€ÌUnfortunately,€it€was€a€new€one;€they€were€always€a€bit€hyper€in€€€€€€Ìthe€early€days,€before€their€depression€set€in.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Hello.€€I'm€your€video€screen€and€I'm€here€to€assist€and€€€€€€€Ð Ø( Ðeducate€you.€I'm€confident€about€making€a€valid€tutorial€€€€€€Ìcontribution€to€your€life.€€Here€at€the€COMS€Correctional€€€€€€ÌFacility,€we€aim€to€provide€a€full€background€to€your€treatment.€€€€€€€ÌFor€a€simply€thrilling€documentary€on€mental€retraining,€please€€€€€€Ìspecify€channel€A.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€was€finding€it€hard€to€concentrate€as€he€rested€his€€€€€€Ð <#Œ" Ðhead€against€the€screen.€€The€"Ay"€he€mumbled€was€more€a€symptom€€€€€€Ìof€incomprehension€than€a€request.€€He€recoiled€in€fright€as€a€€€€€€Ìlarge,€manic,€salivating€simulation€of€himself€appeared€on€the€€€€€€Ìscreen€adorned€with€a€caption€that€read:€Mr€Hyde.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Mental€re„education€has€in€past€been€a€source€of€great€fear€€€€€€€Ð º' #' Ðand€superstition.€€Your€ignorant€ancestors€felt€compelled€to€€€€€€Ìdismiss€this€process€as€brainwashing,€Today€of€course,€more€€€€€€Ìenlightened€minds€realise€that€there€are€a€full€range€of€positive€€€€€€Ìbenefits€to€be€derived€for€the€logical€restructuring€of€your€€€€€€Ìthought€processes...'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€was€slowed€by€the€drugs€in€his€system.€It€took€a€while€€€€€€Ð -n(- Ðfor€the€term€"Brainwashing"€to€filter€through,€but€when€it€did,€€€€€€Ìthe€effect€was€electric.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'That's€why€I€can't€go€to€sleep.€I'll€never€wake€up!'€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐà ? àHe€knew€that€he€would€have€to€take€drastic€action.€€Slapping€€€€€€€Ð ° Ðhimself€in€the€face€almost€succeeded€in€inducing€a€state€of€€€€€€€Ìunconsciousness€that€the€drugs€had€failed€to€achieve.€The€General€€€€€€€ÌRefreshment€and€Universal€Buffet€machine€was€his€only€hope.€€€€€€€ÌPained,€groggy,€but€full€of€panic€induced€adrenaline,€he€staggered€€€€€€Ìto€its€side.€€Fortunately€this€machine€was€unique.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'As€this€is€to€be€your€last€meal€before€mental€retraining,€€€€€€€Ð  d Ðnormal,€and€if€I€may€say€so,€sensible€nutritional€controls€have€€€€€€Ìbeen€relaxed.€€You€may€have€any€meal€or€drink€you€require.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àEven€in€his€doped€state,€Will€was€able€to€register€the€irony€€€€€€Ð Æ   Ðof€finally€finding€a€flexible€GRUB€machine€in€these€circumstances.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Five€pints€of€water,€ten€cups€of€hot€black€caffeine„€€€€€Ð ’â  Ðpermeated€Coffee,€and€a€plate€of€rancid€bacon€fat€please.'€€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€Machine€reluctantly€dispensed€his€order€with€the€vocal€€€€€€€Ð ^®  Ðequivalent€of€a€sneer.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'This€is€the€sort€of€irresponsible€menu€composition€that€€€€€€Ìmade€us€necessary,€but€I€suppose€it's€your€stomach.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àHaving€drenched€himself€with€the€water,€vomited€at€the€smell€€€€€€Ð öF Ðof€the€bacon€fat,€and€drunk€the€coffee,€Will€was€starting€to€snap€€€€€€Ìout€of€things.€€The€waste€disposal€system,€on€the€other€hand,€€€€€€Ìfilled€with€stinking€bacon€remains€was€not€feeling€too€healthy.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€thumping€noise€started€again€and€he€was€wandering€if€it€€€€€€Ð ŽÞ Ðwas€some€odd€after„effect,€when€he€realised€that€it€was€coming€€€€€€Ìfrom€a€strange€looking€trunk€in€the€corner.€€Keyed€up€and€with€€€€€€Ìsome€trepidation,€he€tentatively€opened€the€lid€and€sighed€with€a€€€€€€Ìmixture€of€relief€and€amusement.€€Inside€the€trunk,€trussed€up€in€€€€€€Ìa€heat€resistant€muzzle€and€bindings,€was€a€very€dishevelled€and€€€€€€Ìangry€looking€Dragon.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€à ? à€€€€€€Ð ¾ Ѐ€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ì̀̀€€€€€Ìà ? à'But,€why€you?'€Will€was€confused.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Because€I'm€programmed€to€take€care€of€you.€€Even€against€€€€€€Ìmy€own€kind.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'So€what€happened?€€Was€it€a€trap€door€or€something?'€€€€€€Ð Ô&$"& Ѐà ? à'No,€nothing€like€that,€nothing€melodramatic.€€Everything€€€€€€Ð º' #' Ðwas€normal,€Talking€about€the€stresses€and€strains€of€the€job.€€€€€€€ÌDid€I€ever€tell€you€how€boring€conversationally€the€canine€model€€€€€€Ìis€?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€struggled€to€control€his€impatience.€€€€€€Ð R+¢&+ Ѐà ? à'Is€it€important€at€the€moment?'€€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ѐà ? à'I€turned€to€go€and€they€all€jumped€me.€€It€wasn't€easy;€€€€€€Ð -n(- Ðthere€were€some€fur€and€feathers€flying,€I€can€tell€you.€€The€next€€€€€€Ìthing€I€remember€was€bashing€my€sensitive€magatronian€head€in€€€€€€Ìtrying€to€attract€your€attention.'€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐà ? à'You€know€why€I'm€here?'€Will€tried€to€keep€the€tremor€out€€€€€€Ð ° Ðof€his€voice,€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Mental€retraining.€€Congratulations!€You€finally€made€the€€€€€€Ð |Ì Ðmost€unwanted€list.'€€€€€€Ìà ? àWill€ignored€the€chiding€tone.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'What's€going€to€happen€to€me?'€€€€€€Ð . ~ Ѐ'I€don't€know.€€There€have€been€odd€rumours,€some€may€be€true.€€€€€€€ÌThey€do€a€little€redecoration€inside€your€skull€and€you€come€out€€€€€€Ìwith€a€more€positive€attitude.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'And€you€?'€€€€€€Ð Æ   Ðà ? à'I€get€reprogrammed.€€Almost€everything€will€be€erased.€€€€€€€€ÌThere's€no€point€in€my€remembering€the€old€Will,€except€as€a€€€€€€Ìsobering€reminder.€They€might€even€destroy€me.€€The€new€you€€€€€€Ìprobably€won't€have€the€imagination€to€order€a€dragon.€€You'll€get€€€€€€Ìsomething€nice€and€comfortable,€maybe€even€one€of€those€dull€€€€€€Ìdachshunds.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€could€not€believe€how€sanguine€Sulphur€sounded€about€€€€€€Ð ` Ðhis€imminent€destruction.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Will€it€hurt?'€€€€€€Ð Ü, Ѐà ? àSulphur€thought€about€it.€€€€€€Ð  Ðà ? à'Not€me.€€It's€just€a€switch.€€You€won't€feel€a€thing,€or€at€€€€€€€Ìleast€you€won't€remember€feeling€a€thing.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Why€didn't€they€Just€do€it?€€Get€it€over€with€whilst€I€was€€€€€€€Ð tÄ Ðunconscious?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'COMS€are€not€monsters,€Will.€€They're€doing€this€for€your€€€€€€Ð @ Ðown€good.€They've€obviously€delayed€things€so€that€you€can€enjoy€€€€€€Ìyour€birthday.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Do€you€think€it's€for€my€own€good.€€To€have€my€brain€€€€€€€Ð òB Ðredecorated?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'I€know€you're€not€happy.€€You've€made€that€fairly€obvious€€€€€€Ð ¾ Ðover€the€past€few€years.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€dully€slumped€against€the€wall.€€€€€€Ð Š Ú Ѐà ? à'So,€that's€it.€€We€just€wait€for€them€to€commit€the€great€€€€€€€Ð p!À  Ðbrain€robbery.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€video€screen€butted€in€before€Sulphur€had€a€chance€to€€€€€€€Ð <#Œ" Ðreply.€€€€€€€€Ìà ? à'You€could€watch€some€programmes.€€I€have€a€wonderful€€€€€€€Ìcollection€of€cop€shows€and€prison€dramas€on€correctional€cable.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'What's€the€point?'€Will€asked.€€'I€won't€remember€them.'€€€€€€Ð Ô&$"& Ѐà ? à'If€you€don't€mind€me€saying€so,''€the€screen€pompously€€€€€€€Ð º' #' Ðreplied,€'that's€the€sort€of€negative€attitude€that€got€you€here.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'That's€right.€€It€means€I've€got€nothing€to€lose€so,€SHUT€€€€€€Ð †)Ö$) ÐUP!'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Well€if€you're€going€to€be€grumpy€about€it...'€€€€€€Ð R+¢&+ Ѐà ? àThe€Screen€switched€itself€off€with€all€the€grandness€an€€€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ðappliance€speaking€in€a€falsetto€voice€could€muster.€It€wondered€€€€€€Ìto€itself€if€it€was€permissible€to€ask€for€a€transfer€on€one's€€€€€€Ìfirst€day.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€moved€over€to€Sulphur.€€In€a€rare€display€of€somewhat€€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðlaboured€camaraderie,€he€solemnly€knelt€and€gazed€into€the€€€€€€Ìdragon's€eyes.€€Sulphur's€discomfort€level€rocketed€as€he€met€the€€€€€€Ìhuman's€pathetic€stare.€€They€had€avoided€a€"Buddy"€speech€thus€€€€€€Ìfar€in€their€co„existence€and€Sulphur€could€see€no€reason€to€go€€€€€€Ìtreacly€now.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'I'm€not€very€good€at€this,€I€mean,€I've€never€done€this€€€€€€€Ð . ~ Ðbefore.€But€if€this€is€the€end,€thanks€for€all€the€help.€I'll€miss€€€€€€€Ìyou€I€suppose,€even€if€I€don't€remember€you.'€He€placed€a€€€€€€Ìquivering€hand€an€the€dragon's€scaly€green€head.€€'Is€this€all,€€€€€€Ìold€friend?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àSulphur€was€not€a€sentimentalist.€€He€soon€decided€that€he€€€€€€€Ð ¬ ü  Ðcould€tolerate€no€more€of€such€syrupy€rubbish.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Please€stop€this€nonsense.€€It€doesn't€suit€you,€In€fact€€€€€€Ð xÈ  Ðits€nauseating.€€The€worst€performance€I've€seen€since€Tiny€Tim.€€€€€€€ÌIS€IT€ALL,€INDEED!'€€The€dragon€puffed€a€plume€of€contemptuous€€€€€€Ìblack€smoke,€€€€€€€€Ì'Are€you€insane?€€Have€you€gone€completely€gaga€Will?€€What€€€€€€Ìhappened€to€Heroics€Incorporated?€€We€may€not€succeed€but€at€least€€€€€€Ìwe€can€try.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€looked€disturbingly€like€he€was€going€to€hug€his€€€€€€€Ð  Ðcompanion.€Sulphur€warded€him€off€with€his€savage€glare€circuits€€€€€€Ìon€maximum€setting.€€Will€contented€himself€with€simpering€in€a€€€€€€Ìloose€approximation€of€a€resolute€smile.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àIn€reality.€€Sulphur€was€not€as€confident€About€their€€€€€€Ð Zª Ðchances€as€he€appeared.€"DIODES!€€I€finally€bypass€my€veracity€€€€€€Ìprogramming€and€all€I€can€come€out€with€that€garbage.€€Well,"€he€€€€€€Ìconsoled€himself,€"as€long€as€it€keeps€the€great€fool€happy€until€€€€€€Ìthey€come€for€him."€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€ÌÌ̀̀̀ÌThe€door€didn't€have€a€face,€but€if€it€had€possessed€lips,€they€€€€€€Ìwould€have€been€curled€into€a€sneer,€Sulphur€had€the€exhausted€€€€€€Ìfeeling€that,€if€he€puffed€out€one€more€blast€of€flame,€he€would€€€€€€Ìmelt.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Go€on,'€the€door's€audio€circuit€said€sarcastically,€'try€€€€€€€Ð  (ð#( Ðagain,€I'm€enjoying€it.€€You€give€me€a€nice€warm€feeling€all€€€€€€Ìover.'€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€à ? àSulphur€tensed.€€Enough€was€enough;€this€time€he€would€leave€€€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ðhis€mark.€The€force€of€the€blaze€the€dragon€spat€forth€was€€€€€€Ìtremendous€but€the€sprinkler€system€remained€unimpressed.€€It€€€€€€Ìinformed€him€for€the€fifth€time€of€its€inability€to€implement€fire€€€€€€Ìsafety€services€due€to€disappointing€recent€rainfall€statistics€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðetc.;€the€usual€prepared€message.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€door€remained€totally€unblemished€by€the€fiery€assault.€€€€€€Ð –æ Ѐà ? à'Come€on...'€it€said€in€a€smugly€exasperating€tone,€'I'm€€€€€€€Ð |Ì Ðburning€to€see€what€you€try€next.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWhat€next€Sulphur€thought€to€itself€despondently.€€Giving€up€€€€€€€Ð H˜ Ðthat€what's€next.€€It's€all€very€well€trying€to€cheer€Will€up,€but€€€€€€€Ìthis€is€getting€us€nowhere.€€I€might€as€well€just€switch€myself€€€€€€Ìoff€now.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€hardly€noticed€that€his€companion's€escape€efforts€had€€€€€€€Ð à 0 Ðceased.€€So€weakened€by€impending€heat€exhaustion€that€he'd€lost€€€€€€Ìthe€desire€to€be€apathetic.€€This€must€have€been€what€an€€€€€€Ìhistorical€celebration€roast€turkey€felt€like,€with€the€emphasis€€€€€€Ìon€the€"roast."€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€door€was€in€the€midst€of€triumphantly€crooning€to€€€€€€Ð ^®  Ðitself,€€€€€€€Ì'Come€on€scaly,€light€my€fire,'€when€it€evaporated.€€Will€and€€€€€€ÌSulphur€slumped€together€in€their€mutual€gloom,€hardly€noticed€the€€€€€€Ìsearing€explosion€that€reduced€the€door€to€ashes.€€It€was€a€shame.€€€€€€€ÌThe€Purple€Thingy€knew€how€to€make€a€entrance.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Sulphur,€it€won't€work,€Stop€it...'€Will€mumbled€weakly,€€€€€€Ð  Ð'Stop€it€now.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àCuriously€enough,€although€aimed€at€Sulphur's€lapsed€efforts€€€€€€Ð ŽÞ Ðto€cremate€the€door,€Will's€words€happened€to€exactly€echo€the€€€€€€ÌPurple€Thingy's€sentiments€as€Sharon€surveyed€her€potential€€€€€€Ìchampion.€€Will€was€not€the€sort€of€person€epic€poems€were€written€€€€€€Ìabout.€€He€just€did€not€look€the€type.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àHe€was€just€under€six€feet€with€a€pronounced€paunch€that€€€€€€Ð  \ Ðdefied€the€best€efforts€of€modern€nutritional€technology,€and€the€€€€€€Ìposture€of€an€arthritic€ninety€year„old.€€Will's€long,€thin€face€€€€€€Ìalso€did€little€to€inspire€much€confidence.€€Mousy€straight€brown€€€€€€Ìhair€that,€even€when€not€twisted€into€weird€contortions€by€his€€€€€€Ìdysfunctional€shower,€still€managed€to€refuse€any€attempts€at€€€€€€Ìcontrol.€His€eyes€were€a€soft€brown,€troubled€and€defiant,€partly€€€€€€Ìmasked€by€an€ancient€pair€of€glasses,€long€made€obsolete€by€COMS€€€€€€Ìoptical€repair€techniques.€€His€lips€were€full€but€tightened€by€€€€€€Ìtension€and€surrounded€by€a€straggly€pathetic€attempt€at€beard€€€€€€Ìgrowth.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àIt€was€indeed€fortunate€for€the€continuance€of€life€in€the€€€€€€€Ð î%>!% Ðsolar€system€that,€being€unfamiliar€with€the€structure€of€the€€€€€€€Ìhumanoid€type,€the€Purple€Thingy€did€not€recognise€a€"dork"€when€€€€€€Ìit€saw€one.à — àThen,€there€was€the€dragon€to€be€considered.€€The€€€€€€Ð  (ð#( Ðuniverse€was€full€of€terrifying,€magnificent,€reptilian€beasts€and€€€€€€Ìthis€seedy„pocket€sized€worm€in€no€way€resembled€any€of€them,€With€€€€€€Ìits€long€slender€neck,€chiselled€fangs€and€large€yellow€absorbent€€€€€€Ìeyes.€€This€beast€seemed€to€the€Thingy€to€embody€all€the€€€€€€Ìaggression€and€spite€of€a€baby€hamster.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€Thingy€was€sorely€tempted€to€return€to€its€original€plan€€€€€€Ð .T). Ðof€complete€species€irradiation€when€Will€spoke.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'How€much€time€do€we€have€?'€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐà ? àTime?€The€Thingy€paused,€Time,€that€was€the€trouble.€€There€€€€€€Ð ° Ðwas€a€time€limit€on€the€choice,€A€Thingy€could€shuffle€universes€€€€€€Ìlike€playing€cards€but€it€could€not€alter€a€second€to€find€its€€€€€€Ìchampion.€€That€was€against€the€rules€and€Purple€Thingys€were€Ìsticklers€for€€regulations.€They€did€not€do€that€sort€of€thing.€€ÌThat€is€not€to€say,€that€there€was€no€such€Thingy€as€one€that€lied,€Ìcheated€and€was€not€very€nice,€because€there€was.€€€€€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌ€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€ÌFar,€far€away.€€So€far€that€it€would€take€the€entire€lifespan€of€€€€€€€Ìeveryone€who€has€ever€lived€on€Earth€to€get€there,€there€lived€€€€€€Ìsuch€a€Thingy.€€An€Orange€one.€€€€€€€€Ìà ? àThis€Thingy€did€not€regard€itself€as€being€mean.€€There€had€€€€€€Ìto€be€some€sort€of€counter„balancing€system€in€the€universe€to€€€€€€Ìstop€everything€becoming€too€nauseatingly€happy.€The€Orange€Thingy€€€€€€€Ìperformed€a€useful€socio„economic€function.€€To€be€fair,€how€many€€€€€€€Ìtimes€have€humans€chased€wasps€with€rolled€up€newspapers€and€said:€€€€€€€Ì"Come€here€„€I€won't€hurt€you?"€€€€€€Ì€à ? àConcepts€of€truth€and€murder€did€not€enter€the€mortal€mind€€€€€€Ð Zª Ðwhen€exterminating€insects.€€It€was€a€curious€by„product€of€€€€€€ÌMankind's€self„absorption€that,€while€it€mostly€viewed€the€€€€€€Ìextinction€of€nearly€all€other€species€on€its€world€in€this€same€€€€€€Ìunimportant€light,€the€occasional€personal€injury€„€a€stubbed€toe€€€€€€Ìor€minor€cut€for€example€„€was€of€major€import,€and€it€was€€€€€€Ìbasically€the€same€principle€with€the€Orange€One.€€The€Thingy€felt€€€€€€Ìperfectly€justified€in€any€treatment€it€decided€to€mete€out€to€€€€€€Ìtrivial€cultures;€after€all,€a€human€does€not€consider€the€€€€€€Ìdisgruntled€feelings€of€numerous€surface€dwelling€bacteria€before€€€€€€Ìtaking€a€shower.€€€€€€€€Ì€€à ? àLike€its€Purple€counterpart,€the€Orange€Thingy€had€recently€€€€€€€Ð <#Œ" Ðnoticed€the€species€Homo€Sapiens€and€it€was€gaining€a€considerable€€€€€€€Ìamount€of€amusement€from€Queen€Sharon's€efforts.€€This€was€going€€€€€€Ìto€be€simple.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€ÌÌÌ̀̀€€€€€ÌIt€was€difficult€to€gauge€which€of€them€were€stunned€most€by€their€€€€€€€Ìvisitor,€Will€or€Sulphur.€€Both€their€mouths€hung€limp€with€equal€€€€€€€Ìelasticity.€€Queen€Sharon€remained€silent.€€The€Thingy€had€learned€€€€€€€Ìthat€it€was€wise€to€allow€primitive€life€forms€time€to€assimilate€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðits€incredible€presence.€€Normally€a€few€hours€were€adequate.€€€€€€€ÌHowever,€there€was€some€doubt€about€these€two.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àIt€had€to€be€said€that€when€constructing€a€new€form€the€€€€€€Ð |Ì ÐThingy€did€a€terrific€job€and€Sharon,€Queen€of€the€Illuminated€Way€€€€€€Ìwas€magnificent.€Her€supremely„modeled€light€purple€physique€was€€€€€€Ìeight€feet€tall€and€radiated€power€from€every€perfect€inch,€€€€€€Ìcloaked€in€fine€robes€as€finely€decorated€as€she,€more€than€€€€€€Ìfitting€the€royal€bill.€€€€€€€€ÌA€lush€forest€of€marvellous€lilac€tresses€framed€a€face€filled€€€€€€Ìwith€regal€authority,€a€force€of€personality€lightened€and€warmed€€€€€€Ìby€the€gentlest€eyes€and€kindest€smile€ever€to€make€their€€€€€€Ìappearance€on€the€planet.€It€was€hardly€surprising€that€Will€took€€€€€€Ìa€while€to€find€his€voice.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Has€the€brainwashing€started?'€€€€€€Ì€€à ? àSulphur€mumbled€reply€was€sure.€€€€€€Ð D”  Ѐ€à ? à'If€COMS€could€create€this.€€We€wouldn't€be€working€for€€€€€€Ð *z  Ðyou.'€€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'Are€we€dead?'€€€€€€Ð öF Ðà ? àIt€was€then€that€Sharon€spoke€In€a€voice€that€managed€to€be€€€€€€€Ìboth€commanding€and€richly€musical.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Know€ye,€mortal€and€mechanism,€that€I€am€Sharon,€Queen€of€€€€€€Ìthe€Illuminated€Way€and€Guardian€of€all€that€is€good€in€the€€€€€€Ìuniverse."€€€€€€Ìà ? àWill€nodded€to€himself€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'We're€dead.'€€€€€€Ð @ Ѐà ? à'No,€We're€not€dead.€€It's€worse€than€that,'€Sulphur€hissed.€€€€€€€€€Ð &v Ѐ€à ? à'I€have€chosen€you,€Will€Prince,€representative€of€Earth,€to€€€€€€Ð  \ Ðbe€my€champion.'€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Told€you,'€€€€€€Ì€€à ? àWill€adopted€a€fixed€grin€to€hide€his€panic.€€€€€€Ð ¾ Ѐà ? à'Never€mind€that!€€What€do€I€do€now?'€€€€€€Ð ¤ô Ѐà ? à'I€don't€know.€€But€whatever€it€is,€be€polite.'€€€€€€Ð Š Ú Ѐà ? àWill€tentatively€raised€a€shaking€hand.€€€€€€Ð p!À  Ðà ? à'Excuse€me,€your,'€he€searched€for€a€form€of€address,€€€€€€Ì'...your€€€€€€€ÌSplendidness.'€€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'Call€me€Sharon.'€€€€€€Ð %X $ Ѐà ? àThe€Purple€Queen€fixed€them€with€a€lock€of€such€gentle€€€€€€€Ð î%>!% Ðunderstanding€that€Will€almost€forgot€what€he€was€going€to€say.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Sharon.€€It's€a€nice€name.€€I'd€like€to€find€out€more€about€€€€€€€Ð º' #' Ðthe€champion€thing.€€It€sounds,€interesting.€€But...well...why€€€€€€Ìme?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'If€you€like,€I€will€explain.€€I€must€warn€you€however€that€€€€€€Ð l*¼%* ÐI€don't€like€interruptions.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€replied€with€a€nod.€€A€silent€one.€€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ѐ€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌ€ÌIn€contrast€to€its€Purple€compatriot,€the€Orange€Thingy€was€having€€€€€€Ìa€wonderful€time.€€Floating€about€ninety€million€miles€from€Earth,€€€€€€€Ìgently€supported€by€a€solar€flare,€it€gained€a€vast€amount€of€€€€€€€Ìamusement€from€viewing€the€Purple€Thingy's€new€persona€and€the€€€€€€€Ìabsurdity€of€its€choice.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àIt€quickly€decided€not€to€kill€Will,€as,€for€the€moment,€he€€€€€€Ð à 0 Ðwas€no€threat,€and€besides,€it€had€destroyed€all€life€in€the€€€€€€ÌPatellian€system€before€breakfast€and€did€not€want€to€appear€€€€€€Ìgreedy.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€ÌÌÌ̀̀€€€€€ÌThe€Purple€Queen€finished€her€address.€€Will€turned€to€Sulphur€€€€€€Ìwith€a€glassy„eyed€grimace€that€vividly€said:€"This€is€your€fault.€€€€€€€ÌYou€made€me€get€up€this€morning."€€€€€€Ì€à ? àThe€Queen's€explanation€of€what€was€required€had€been€fairly€€€€€€€Ð tÄ Ðsimple€and€straightforward.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àOn€the€other€side€of€the€universe€was€a€planet€with€the€€€€€€€Ð @ Ðincredibly€stupid€name€of€"Spoggle".€€On€this€planet,€closely€€€€€€Ìguarded€by€possible€sundry€dark€forces€(at€least€no€one€had€€€€€€Ìsurvived€so€far)€and€probably€protected€by€the€odd€impossible€task€€€€€€Ìor€two,€was€an€object€of€vital€importance€to€the€future€of€all€€€€€€Ìlife.€€This€object€was€called€the€MADID.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àSince€universal€protocol€prevented€the€purple€Queen€from€€€€€€€Ð ¤ô Ðrescuing€this€"MADID",€the€Queen€had€decided€to€elect€Will€as€€€€€€€Ìchampion€and€engage€the€services€of€HEROICS€INC.€for€the€job.€€€€€€€ÌThere€were€of€course€many€dire€dangers€and€grim€perils€inherent€in€€€€€€Ìthis€position€but€that€was€what€heroes€were€for€„€dumb€bravery.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€was€welcome€to€recruit€others€from€his€system€to€help€€€€€€Ð "$r# Ðhis€efforts,€subject€to€the€terms€and€conditions€of€his€€€€€€Ìemployment.€€That€was€it€in€a€nutshell.€€Will€felt€that€the€€€€€€Ìnutshell€image€was€appropriate.€€The€whole€thing€sounded€like€the€€€€€€Ìwork€of€a€nutcase.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àSulphur€filled€the€uncomfortable€silence.€€€€€€€€Ð  (ð#( Ѐà ? à'Your€Majesty.€€May€we€have€a€moment€to€discuss€your€offer?'€€€€€€Ð †)Ö$) Ѐ€à ? àThe€Queen€granted€her€assent€and€vanished.€€The€Thingy€would€€€€€€€Ð l*¼%* Ðlisten€invisibly.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€reacted€with€the€normal€two„pronged€reactions€of€a€€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ðhuman€faced€with€impending€difficult€tasks:€€€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€ÌA.€Try€to€avoid€a€decision.€€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐB.€Be€totally€sure€that€you€cannot€do€the€job.€He€had€no€idea€what€€€€€€Ìto€do.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à€€€€€€Ð |Ì Ðà ? à'Well?'€Will€anxiously€questioned€Sulphur€as€he€slumped€back€€€€€€€Ìonto€the€bed.€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Well,€she's€not€computer€generated.'€€€€€€Ð . ~ Ѐà ? à'Is€she€real?'€€€€€€Ð  d Ѐà ? à'Is€she€an€all„powerful€purple€ruler?€€How€do€I€know?€€I've€€€€€€€Ð ú J Ðnever€met€one.'€€€€€€Ìà ? à'How€do€we€find€out?'€€€€€€Ì€€à ? à'Ask€her€for€proof.€€It's€no€good€making€a€decision€about€€€€€€Ð ¬ ü  Ðthe€rest€of€what€she€says€without€it.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'So€we€Just€say€„€Dear€Sharon.€€Sorry€about€doubting€you€but€€€€€€€Ð xÈ  Ðcan€we€have€some€proof€of€your€powers...'€€€€€€Ì€€à ? àIt€was€instant.€€The€terrible€lack€of€air,€the€rugged€dead€€€€€€€Ð D”  Ðterrain.€€Will€felt€his€body€start€to€swell€as€his€internal€gases€€€€€€€Ìstruggled€to€spread€him€over€the€surrounding€lunar€landscape.€€€€€€Ìà ? àSulphur€screamed:€"Enough!"€soundlessly€in€the€vacuum,€and€€€€€€Ìthey€were€back€in€the€cell.€€Several€seconds€of€thankful€wheezing€€€€€€Ìgasps€and€a€sore€throat€later,€Will€managed€a€hoarse€verdict.€€€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'It's€got€me€convinced.€€What's€next€?'€€€€€€Ð ¨ø Ѐà ? à'There's€the€offer.€€On€the€minus€side,€you€could€die'€€€€€€Ð ŽÞ Ѐà ? à'On€the€plus€side?'€€€€€€Ð tÄ Ѐà ? à'On€the€plus€side,€you€always€wanted€an€adventure,€like€your€€€€€€€Ð Zª Ðheroes.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'My€heroes€were€myths€and€fiction.€€You€can€have€dangerous€€€€€€€Ð &v Ðadventures€when€you're€fictional.€€It's€easy,€you€can't€get€hurt€€€€€€Ìand€it€doesn't€matter€if€you€do.€€The€only€live€examples€I've€seen€€€€€€Ìwere€actors,€and€they€were€supported€by€a€film€crew€the€size€of€an€€€€€€Ìarmy€and€a€big€special€effects€budget.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Look€at€it€this€way.€€You're€in€a€cell€waiting€to€be€€€€€€€Ð ¤ô Ðbrainwashed,€and€I'm€probably€going€to€be€scrapped.€€What€have€we€€€€€€Ìgot€to€lose?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'So.€€You€think€we€should€try€it?'€€€€€€Ð V"¦! Ѐà ? à'I€think€you€should€at€least€ask€for€her€terms.€€There€may€€€€€€Ð <#Œ" Ðbe€a€special€effects€budget.'€Will€agreed.€€"Can€I€see...'€€€€€€Ìà ? àHe€felt€his€hand€clasp€something,€and€glancing€down,€noticed€€€€€€Ìa€rolled€piece€of€hide€had€appeared.€€Will€lay€it€on€the€ground€€€€€€Ìand€unrolled€it,€noticing€as€he€did€the€scaly€green€texture.€€He€€€€€€Ìwinked€at€Sulphur.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Maybe€it's€a€relative.'€€€€€€Ìà ? àThe€hide€was€covered€in€strange€symbols,€written€in€what€€€€€€Ìlooked€like€red€ink,€Will€was€impressed.€€€€€€Ìà ? à'She€certainly€goes€in€for€all€the€props.'€€€€€€Ìà ? à'Never€mind€the€frills.€It€Would€be€more€useful€if€it€were€€€€€€Ìin€an€Earth€language.'€€€€€€Ìà ? àIn€response€to€Sulphur's€words.€€The€gobbledegook€instantly€€€€€€€Ìbecame€legible.€€As€they€began€to€read€they€both€momentarily€€€€€€Ìwished€that€it€had€not.€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€€€€Ì̀̀€€€€€ÌWill€Prince€and€Heroics€Inc.,€Standard€Employment€Contract€NO,€666€€€€€€€ÌRelating€to€the€Retrieval€of€the€MADID.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì1.€€With€the€exception€of€transportation€from€subjects€native€€€€€€Ìsystem€to€SPOGGLE€and,€probably,€the€return€journey,€no€assistance€€€€€€Ìwill€be€provided€by€Sharon,€Queen€of€the€Illuminated€Way,€as€said€€€€€€Ìassistance€constitutes€direct€contravention€of€universal€protocol.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì2.€€In€the€event€of€the€subject's€death,€accident€or€injury,€no€€€€€€€Ìliability€will€be€borne€by€the€employer.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì3.€€The€subject€is€required€to€engage€adequate€help€to€undertake€€€€€€Ìthe€task.€There€is€no€set€number€of€assistants.€€However,€the€€€€€€Ìsubject€is€strongly€advised€to€bear€in€mind€possible€mortality€€€€€€Ìrates€when€making€this€choice€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì4.€€Payment.€€With€the€exception€of€THE€MADID,€which€shall€remain€€€€€€Ìthe€property€of€the€employer,€any€material€gains€or€precious€€€€€€Ìobjects€obtained€by€the€group€are€liable€to€be€kept€by€them.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì5.€€Adherence€to€those€laws€of€Spoggle€that€become€apparent€must€€€€€€Ìbe€followed€at€all€times,€unless€subsequently€proved€to€be€life„€€€€€€Ìthreatening€or€nonsensical.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì6.€€Uniform.€€The€subject€will€be€provided€with€a€weapon€and€a€€€€€€ÌBand€of€Intangibility,€These€items€to€be€returned€an€completion€of€€€€€€Ìtask€or€death€of€subject,€whichever€is€sooner.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì7.€€Any€or€all€conditions€of€employment€are€subject€to€change€at€€€€€€Ìthe€discretion€of€the€employer.€€The€employer€is€not€liable€to€€€€€€Ìprovide€written€or€verbal€notice€of€any€change.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€ÌI,€Will€Prince,€hereby€accept€all€conditions€present,€or€future.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€ÌSigned:€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€Sulphur:€Witness:€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€à ? àSulphur€tried€to€make€the€best€of€things.€€€€€€Ð 8,ˆ', Ѐà ? à'At€least€it€seems€honest.'€€€€€€Ð -n(- Ѐà ? à'Bugger€that!€I€don't€want€honesty.€€I€want€rights€and€€€€€€€Ð .T). Ðprivileges.€At€the€very€least,€help€and€protection.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Is€it€the€right€to€be€brainwashed€or€protection€from€€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðbrainwashing€that€you€require?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àWill€visibly€wilted€as€his€lack€of€options€sank€in,€his€€€€€€Ð –æ Ðvoice€had€quietened€when€he€finally€spoke.€€€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'So.€You€think€this€is€really€happening?'€€€€€€Ð b² Ѐà ? à'Do€I€think€that€we€have€been€visited€by€a€purple€demi„god€€€€€€Ð H˜ Ðwho€wants€our€help€in€saving€the€universe?'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Do€you?€€€€€€Ð  d Ѐà ? à'Mankind€has,€over€the€centuries,€believed€in€all€sort€of€€€€€€€Ð ú J Ðstrange€deities,€I€find€the€idea€of€Queen€Sharon€to€be€no€more€€€€€€€Ìpreposterous€than€most€of€those.€€It€may€be,€that€living€with€you€€€€€€Ìhas€severely€overtaxed€my€logic€functions,€but€yes,€I€do€think€€€€€€Ìthat€she€is€real.€€I€know€of€no€earthly€force€that€could€fake€her,€€€€€€Ìor€of€any€that€would€want€to.€€Her€example€was€very€convincing.€€€€€€€ÌShe€could€have€fooled€your€mental€systems€but€not€mine€without€€€€€€Ìpossessing€some€sort€of€major€internal€power.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'What€about€Spoggle?€€This€MADID,€whatever€it€is?'€€€€€€Ð *z  Ѐà ? à'We€have€to€take€her€at€her€word.€€After€all.€€She€had€no€€€€€€€Ð ` Ðreason€to€pick€us.€€Although€I€can't€say€much€for€her€taste.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'So€you€think€I€should€do€it?'€€€€€€Ð Ü, Ð'I€think€WE€have€no€choice,€You€always€wanted€a€job.'€€€€€€Ì'It's€hardly€a€career€with€a€future.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Think€of€it€as€an€adventure.€€A€thrill€that€you've€always€€€€€€€Ð ŽÞ Ðwanted,€like€free„falling.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Without€a€parachute,'€Will€wearily€closed€his€eyes.€€'What€€€€€€Ð Zª Ða€birthday€present.€€No€more€birthdays,€I€suppose€Spoggle€can't€be€€€€€€Ìas€bad€as€Dickensland.'€€€€€€Ì'No,'€Sulphur€smiled,€showing€off€his€fangs€to€best€€€€€€Ìadvantage,"...or€brainwashing„land€for€that€matter.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Still,€it€would€be€nice€if€they€had€a€tourist€board€so€that€€€€€€Ð Ø( Ðwe€could€see€what€it€was€like.€€Imagine€the€brochure:€"Come€to€€€€€€ÌSpoggle€for€an€adventure€you'll€never€forget.€...€If€you€survive€€€€€€Ìthat€is."€€€€€€Ìà ? à'I€think€you've€made€a€decision.'€€€€€€Ì€à ? à'Not€really.€€I€think€this€is€the€sort€of€decision€that's€€€€€€Ð V"¦! Ðmade€for€you.€€How€do€you€think€we€call€back€her€great€Queenliness€€€€€€Ìt...'€€€€€€Ì€à ? àQueen€Sharon€reappeared€before€Will€could€even€finish.€€€€€€€Ð %X $ Ðà ? à"Silly€question,"€he€thought.€€€€€€Ì€€€€€€Ì€€€€€ÌÌÌ̀̀€€€€€ÌThe€good€thing€about€being€an€Orange€Thingy€was€that€you€were€€€€€€Ìright€a€lot€of€the€time,€or€at€least,€no€one€argued€with€you€if€€€€€€Ìyou€were€wrong.€Yet€again,€the€Orange€One€had€cause€to€€€€€€Ìcongratulate€itself,€on€its€fine€Judgement.€€It€had€been€right€not€€€€€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðto€kill€the€human;€his€droll€comedy€of€a€life€could€prove€to€be€€€€€€Ìvaguely€entertaining.€€€€€€Ì€à ? àA€tourist€brochure€for€Spoggle.€€The€very€idea€was€€€€€€Ð |Ì Ðdelicious.€€€€€€€€ÌWhat€next...€a€handbook€for€Hades?€a€manual€for€Nagrorian€Six,€or€€€€€€€Ìperhaps€in€view€of€their€cannibal€population,€a€menu!€€Perhaps€€€€€€Ìthese€creatures€would€not€be€as€dull€as€they€seemed.€€The€Orange€€€€€€ÌThingy€hoped€not.€It€had€a€extremely€low€boredom€threshold.€€€€€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€held€out€the€document€accusingly.Ì€€€€€€€€'This€contract€is€not€worth€the€hide€it's€printed€on.'Ì€€€€€€€€'It's€a€symbol€of€trust€In€our€relationship.'€The€Queen€Ìgrandly€ignored€the€mortal's€bluster.'€Ì€€€€€€€€'Trust€that€you€won't€help.€Trust€that€I'll€get€killed.'Ì€€€€€€€€'If€that€happened,€we€would€both€lose.'€Her€voice€and€Ìstance€took€on€a€new€disconcerting€hardness€as€she€added,€'I€am€Ìnot€accustomed€to€losing,€Will€Prince.€€There€are€dangers€and€Ìthere€are€restraints€on€the€amount€of€help€I€can€give€you.€€Would€Ìyou€have€me€lie?'Ì€€€€€€€€Will€stood€uncertainly.€€Sulphur€could€have€told€her,€as€a€Ìresult€of€much€weary€experience,€that€Humans€when€faced€with€the€Ìchoice€between€a€difficult€truth€and€a€comforting€lie,€would€Ìusually€choose€the€latter.€The€dragon€remained€silent€and€watched€ÌWill€end€the€pause€with€an€angry€shake€of€his€head.Ì€€€€€€€€'Okay,€I'll€sign.'€He€wrinkled€his€face€up€squeamishly.€'I€Ìsuppose€you€want€it€in€blood.'Ì€€€€€€€€The€Queen€looked€down€on€him€with€haughty€distaste.Ì€€€€€€€€'Why€must€you€creatures€always€be€so€over„dramatic?€€No,€I€Ìdon't€want€blood.€€Just€stand€still€and€close€your€eyes.'Ì€€€€€€€€With€visible€misgivings,€the€man€and€the€dragon€slowly€did€Ìas€they€were€told.€Will€felt€the€document€fall€from€his€grasp.€€ÌFor€a€moment€they€were€enveloped€in€something€tight,€leathery€and€Ìfoul€smelling,€and€then,€the€Queen€spoke.Ì€€€€€€€€'That's€it.'Ì€€€€€€€€She€offered€them€a€smaller€version€of€the€contract.Ì€€€€€€€€'This€is€your€copy.'Ì€€€€€€€€Will€and€Sulphur€held€the€document€between€them,€both€Ìsimultaneously€having€the€same€thought€as€they€stared€at€the€place€Ìwhere€the€signature€should€be:€"Damn!€Wrong€profile."ÌThe€space€was€occupied€by€tiny€reproductions€of€themselves.€Will€Ìgrinned€at€Sulphur.Ì€€€€€€€€'I€hope€she's€careful€where€she€puts€the€royal€seal.'ÌSulphur€shook€his€head€and€tried€to€visualise€what€a€nice,€polite,€Ìnon„embarrassing,€brainwashed€Will€would€be€like.€€It€was€a€vision€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðthat€even€his€large€mind€failed€to€really€clarify.€€Instead€the€ÌDragon€returned€to€more€important€matters€and€concentrated€as€the€ÌQueen€spoke.Ì€€€€€€€€'You€will€need€others€for€what's€ahead.€€Where€will€you€Ìfind€them?"Ì€€€€€€€€Will€had€not€really€thought€about€it,€but€then,€there€was€Ìonly€one€obvious€answer.Ì€€€€€€€€'Mars.€€If€there's€anyone€to€be€found.€€I€won't€find€them€Ìhere,'€he€shrugged,€smiling€smugly.€€'Besides,€I€can't€stay€on€ÌEarth.'Ì€€€€€€€€'You€will€also€need€your€uniform€items.'Ì€€€€€€€€She€gestured€and€a€belted€sword€and€a€band€of€some€oddly€Ìshimmering€metal€appeared€on€the€bed.€€They€moved€to€examine€theseÌnew€arrivals,€but€she€held€up€her€hand€to€stop€them.Ì€€€€€€€€'You€will€need€to€get€out€of€this€place€and€go€to€Mars.€€ÌYou€have€a€short€time€in€which€to€escape.€€Wear€the€band€and€it€Ìwill€assist€you.€Your€guards€are€restrained€for€the€moment€by€my€Ìforce„field.€€You€will€hear€from€me€again.€€Now€go,€and€as€you€Ìhumans€used€to€say:€Good€luck.'Ì€€€€€€€€The€Purple€Queen€slowly€dissolved€into€nothing.€€It€was€Ìmost€disconcerting€and€Will€did€not€speak€for€a€while,€When€he€Ìdid,€it€was€prefaced€by€a€heavy€sigh.Ì€€€€€€€€'I€suppose€this€is€where€the€'no€help'€clause€comes€in.€€ÌShe€night€have€got€us€out€of€the€cell.'Ì€€€€€€€€'It€makes€sense.€€Rescuing€this€MADID€object€should€make€Ìescaping€from€this€place€easy.€€If€we€can't€get€out,€we€haven't€a€Ìhope€of€getting€the€MADID.'Ì€€€€€€€€'I€was€hoping€to€gently€build€up€to€it.€€Still€at€least€Ìthere's€no€door.'Ì€€€€€€€€'There's€also€no€Queen.€Which€means€no€protective€force„Ìfield€and€all€the€staff€in€this€building€are€going€to€be€heading€Ìfor€that€entrance.'€The€dragon's€words,€delivered€with€some€Ìurgency,€had€a€powerfully€motivating€affect€on€Will.€€He€quickly€Ìstrapped€on€the€sword.€It€was€at€this€point€that€the€appliances€Ìrealised€that€it€was€safe€to€come€out€again.€They€all€suddenly€Ìappeared,€screaming:€"Intruder!",€in€a€variety€of€different€Ìpitches€and€keys.€€The€din€underlined€the€fact€that€locating€a€way€Ìout€was€a€matter€of€immediate€and€pressing€importance.Ì€€€€€€€€Without€time€to€examine€it€closely,€Will€picked€up€the€Ìband,€placing€it€on€the€it€seemed€most€suited€to,€his€head.€He€Ìfelt€it€contract€in€size€to€become€a€perfect€fit€and€then€nothing€Ìhappened.Ì€€€€€€€€'Damn.€€This€is€all€I€need.€€Another€faulty€appliance'€Ì€€€€€€€€The€appliances€were€too€busy€shouting€to€take€offence€at€Ìthis€remark.Ì€€€€€€€€'You€don't€feel€anything?'€€Sulphur€asked.Ì€€€€€€€€'Not€a€thing.€€I€should€have€known€this€was€a€wind„up.€€ÌBeware€of€purple€royalty€bearing€gifts.€€Sharon€sounded€a€very€odd€Ìname,€but€NO.€You€said€it€was€all€real.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€€€€€€€'I€said€we€had€no€choice.'Ì€€€€€€€€Despite€being€angry€and€defensive,€Sulphur€was€starting€to€Ìsound€anxious,€Something€heavy€was€coming€toward€them,€powering€at€Ìspeed€along€the€corridor.€€They€could€feel€the€angry,€grinding,€Ìvibration€of€its€movement.Ì€€€€€€€€Will€was€petrified€but€still€managed€to€retain€some€Ìvestige€of€sarcasm.Ì€€€€€€€€'It€looks€like€brainwashing€after€all.€How€are€you€going€Ìto€face€them?€On€the€bed?€On€the€sink?€€Personally,€I€think€devil€Ìmay€care€is€best.€I'm€going€to€lean€casually€against€this€waaa..'Ì€€€€€€€€To€demonstrate€his€proposed€defiant€stance,€Will€had€Ìtilted€backward€and€kept€going.€€All€that€was€left€of€him€was€a€Ìpair€of€feet€at€the€base€of€the€wall.€€After€a€moment€they€Ìvanished€to€be€replaced€by€his€exultant€head.Ì€€€€€€€€'I€take€it€all€back!€€It's€lucky€we're€on€the€ground€floor€Ìthough.€Are€you€coming?'Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€did€not€need€much€persuading.€€Whatever€was€coming€Ìtowards€them€was€on€the€verge€of€dramatic€arrival.€€He€bent€his€Ìhead€and€charged€the€wall€at€speed.€€It's€surprising€just€how€Ìsolid€a€wall€can€be€when€you€are€not€covered€by€magic.€€If€Sulphur€Ìgained€nothing€else€from€the€experience€of€high€speed€collision,€Ìapart€from€jolted€circuits,€he€at€least€acquired€this€pearl€of€Ìwisdom.Ì€€€€€€€€Will's€flashes€of€insight€were€as€rare€as€outdoor€Ìbarbecues€on€the€ice€world€of€Frezia€Major.€€It€was€therefore€Ìdoubly€good€timing€to€get€one€now.€€The€sword€scabbard€was€passed€Ìback€through€the€wall,€into€the€cell.€€Will's€voice€did€not€need€Ìits€urgency€to€underline€the€dragon's€predicament.Ì€€€€€€€€'Hold€on€to€this,€and€try€again.'Ì€€€€€€€€To€his€considerable€amazement,€Sulphur€found€that€Will's€Ìidea€worked,€No€sooner€had€he€gripped€the€surprisingly€solid€Ìscabbard€tip€then€he€was€jerked€out€into€the€fresh€air€and€Ìdarkening€surroundings.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌBack€in€the€cell,€what€remained€of€the€doorway€was€vaporised€by€Ìthe€entrance€of€an€ancient,€lumbering€Riot€Control€Mechanism.€€No€Ìone€had€ever€managed€to€break€through€a€cell€door€before.€€Getting€Ìthe€riot€machine€out€of€rustballs€and€reviving€it€to€strike€terror€Ìinto€any€potential€escapees€was€a€solemn€measure€of€COMS€chagrin€Ìand€annoyance.Ì€€€€€€€€The€Riot€Machine€was€the€heavy€mob,€built€in€the€days€when€ÌCOMS€thought€that€taking€control€of€Human€affairs€and€pampering€Ìthem€would€result€in€civil€unrest.€The€machine€was€quite€refreshed€Ìafter€lengthy€disuse,€and€full€of€fury€and€vigour.€€It€proceeded€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðto€wreck€half€the€cell€in€a€pyrotechnic€display€of€destruction,€Ìdesigned€to€show€off€its€horrifying€capabilities€and€knock€the€Ìfight€out€of€any€unruly€captives.€Unfortunately,€there€were€no€Ìcaptives,€unruly,€or€otherwise,€to€appreciate€the€show.€€The€Riot€ÌMachine€ground,€to€what€appeared€to€be€a€somewhat€bemused€halt.€€ÌThe€top€of€the€horrific€head€was€unscrewed€and€lifted€to€reveal€a€Ìpuny€and€dapper€control€'droid.€€The€'droid€regretfully€surveyed€Ìthe€wreckage€its€directions€€had€caused€and€glumly€shook€its€aged€Ìand€squeaky€head.€€It€would€take€some€explaining.€€All€this€damage€Ìand€no€prisoners€to€show€for€it.€€It€thought€of€saying,€"Rust€has€Ìaffected€my€driving€controls."Ì€€€€€€€€Deep€down€it€knew€that€no€excuse€could€rescue€them€from€Ìreturn€to€storage,€not€even€that€age„old€standby:€"I€was€only€Ìobeying€orders."Ì€€€€€€€€'Got€to€find€the€prisoners.'Ì€€€€€€€€The€machine's€body€said,€in€a€voice€as€heavy€as€its€Ìarmour„plating.€€With€a€doleful€expression,€the€'droid€popped€back€Ìinto€the€head€to€continue€its€duties,€It€promised€itself€that€it€Ìwould€try€to€be€more€careful.Ì€€€€€€€€The€Machine€exited,€sirens€squealing,€and€managed€to€wreck€Ìthe€undamaged€half€of€cell€in€the€process.€€The€prisoners€must€be€Ìsomewhere€in€the€building€and€they€would€find€them.€€Amidst€the€Ìruination€left€by€the€machine's€departure,€the€battered€video€Ìscreen€had€come€to€a€decision.Ì€€€€€€€€"Screw€correctional€duties!€Disappearing€purple€women,€Ìprisoners€who€walk€through€walls€and€now€idiot€riot€control€Ìdevices.€It's€no€fun.€New€to€the€job€or€not,€I'm€going€to€get€a€Ìtransfer."ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌ€€€€€€€€'Intangibility.€€I've€decided€that€I€like€that€word.'ÌThe€escape€had€cheered€Will€up€no€end,€much€to€Sulphur's,€Ìannoyance.€€He€felt€compelled€to€test€his€new„found€power€on€every€Ìbuilding€that€they€passed€in€a€leisurely€getaway€from€COMS€Ìcentral.€Once€again€they€paused€so€that€€Will€could€pass€his€head€Ìthrough€a€wall,€and€once€again€the€dragon's€ultra„sensitive€Ìhearing€picked€up€an€appallingly€tuneless€rendition€of€"I€ain't€Ìgot€no„o„o„b„ody€to€hold€me€down...."Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€soberly€reminded€himself€that€this€was€what€Ìfictional€Personifications€had€striven€to€obtain€throughout€the€Ìages;€a€sense€of€so„called€human€humour.€€"Well€if€that€was€the€Ìbest€that€Mankind€could€do,€then€they€could€keep€it."Ìà ? à€€Soon€Will's€beaming€face€reappeared.Ì€€€€€€€€'It's€amazing.'€He€ran€his€hands€over€his€torso.€'I€feel€Ìsolid.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à€€You€are€„€between€the€ears.€Sulphur€thought€as€he€said€Ìpointedly.Ì€€€€€€€€'May€I€remind€you,€should€it€have€slipped€your€mind,€that€Ìwe€are€on€the€run€and€that€every€Personification€on€this€planet€is€Ìlooking€for€us.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Yes,€I've€thought€about€that.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Why€then€are€you€advertising€yourself€by€walking€through€Ìevery€wall€in€the€city?'Ì€€€€€€€€'Don't€worry€about€that.€€If€anyone€sees€me,€they'll€just€Ìthink€I'm€a€malfunctioning€holograph.€€I€promise,€there's€madness€Ìto€my€method.'ÌÌ€€€€€€€€'There's€madness€to€everything€you€do.'€The€dragon€glared€Ìirritably€out€of€its€large€jaundice„tinted€eyes.€€Ì€€€€€€€€'This€is€part€of€my€plan.'€Will€said€soothingly.€€ÌIt€was€obvious€that€Sulphur€would€need€some€convincing.€€That€was€Ìthe€problem€with€Personifications.€€Sometimes€the€logical€thing€to€Ìdo€in€life€was€alien€to€what€their€logic€dictated€and€a€credulity€Ìgap€materialised.€€They€needed€every€"I"€dotted€and€every€"T"€Ìcrossed.Ì€€€€€€€€'You€are€my€Personification€companion,€and€as€such,€you€Ìare€programmed€to€recognise€me€in€far€more€detail€than€any€other€Ìmodel.€€By€sight,€by€touch€and€by€smell,€Right?'Ì€€€€€€€€'Unfortunately,€correct.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Other€models€have€to€deal€with€many€thousands€of€humans,€ÌIt's€not€practical€to€program€them€in€depth,€so€they€are€Ìprogrammed€to€identify€people€using€just€one€method.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Retinal€scanning.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Correct,€So,€if€there€is€no€retina,€identification€is€Ìimpossible.€A€person€without€one€cannot€exist,€because€Ìpersonifications€are€programmed€to€recognise€only€those€who€have€Ìone.€€Not€having€a€retina€of€some€sort€is€impossible,€and€Ìtherefore€to€be€disregarded.'Ìà ? à€€Sulphur€nodded,Ì€€€€€€€€'It€makes€a€rough€sense,€Except€that€you€have€a€retina.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Yes,'€Will€agreed.Ì€€€€€€€€'But€as€long€as€I€keep€this€band€on,€I'm€intangible€and€as€Ìlong€as€I'm€intangible,€my€retina€cannot€be€scanned€and€as€long€as€Ìit€cannot€be€scanned,€then..'Ì€€€€€€€€'You€don't€exist!'Ì€€€€€€€€As€if€to€prove€this€point,€a€vigilant€member€of€the€ÌPersonification€Pavement€Patrol€walked€right€through€Will's€body.€€ÌSulphur€regarded€the€triumphant€human€with€something€almost€Ìapproaching€respect.Ì€€€€€€€€'That's€fairly€intelligent.€€But€what€about€your€Ìsightseeing€tour?'Ì€€€€€€€€'That's€the€next€part€of€my€plan.€€I€was€looking€for€Ìsomewhere€to€stay€for€a€while.€€The€next€monthly€Mars€processing€Ìtransport€doesn't€leave€for€four€days.'€€Will€was€starting€to€get€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcocky.€'I'm€quite€an€expert€on€their€timetable.'Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€suddenly€felt€sad.€€He€had€almost€allowed€himself€Ìto€a€sense€of€pride€In€his€companion€for€a€while.€€Now€Will€as€Ìusual€had€ruined€things.€€When€he€spoke,€he€did€so€softly.Ì€€€€€€€€'Will,€what€is€today?'Ì€€€€€€€€Will€was€puzzled,€but€looked€indulgent,€as€if€doing€his€Ìbest€to€humour€his€curious€sidekick.€'My€birthday.'Ì€€€€€€€€'What€time€is€it?'Ì€€€€€€€€'About€19.30€p.m.€€It€seems€like€today€has€lasted€Ìforever.'€Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€would€try€to€be€gentle.€Ì€€€€€€€€'Tell€me.€€When€do€the€winter€transportation€schedules€Ìcommence?'Ì€€€€€€€€'My€birthday?'€Will's€jaunty€tone€indicated€that€he€still€Ìhadn't€clicked.Ì€€€€€€€€'And€what€time€is€the€'new€timing'€of€the€monthly€Ìtransport€on€your€birthday?'Ì€€€€€€€€'About€20.00€p.m.'Ì€€€€€€€€There€was€a€sudden€look€of€pathetic€dawning€realisation.€€ÌIt€was€sobering€to€watch.Ì€€€€€€€€'AH!'Ì€€€€€€€€'I€believe€that€"cretin"€is€a€suitable€word.€€ÌHow€much€time€have€you€wasted?€€Have€I€let€you€waste?'Ì€€€€€€€€'About€half€an€hour.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Shall€we€try€to€get€there?'Ì€€€€€€€€Completely€deflated,€Will€nodded€miserably.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌIt€was€a€close€run€thing.€€The€"there"€that€Sulphur€had€Ìmentioned€was€an€automatically€run€industrial€launch€pad€on€the€ÌFrench€coast.€They€were€fortunate€that€the€Martian€Ore€processing€Ìcentre€was€so€comparatively€near.€€They€were€also€helped€by€the€Ìarrival€of€a€COMS€correctional€transport€that€was€searching€for€Ìthen.€With€the€aid€of€the€Intangibility€belt,€It€was€fairly€simple€Ìto€make€a€sudden€solid€appearance€and€disable€the€bewildered€guard€Ì'droid€before€it€could€raise€the€alarm.Ì€€€€€€€€Had€Will€felt€less€stupid€about€his€mistake€over€the€Ìtimetable,€he€probably€would€have€tried€to€hurry€Sulphur's€efforts€Ìto€reprogram€the€craft.€€As€it€was,€he€just€bit€his€lip€and€Ìreminded€himself€that€re„orchestrating€the€layout€of€complex€Ìcomponents€was€not€without€its€difficulties€when€one€was€forced€to€Ìuse€only€one's€talons.€€At€last,€the€dragon€completed€the€Ìalterations,€and€with€many€mumbled€and€heartfelt€apologies€to€the€Ìinert€guard,€took€up€the€driving€position€and€sternly€told€Will€to€Ì"hold€on."Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€€€€€€€The€craft€soared€up€into€the€air€at€a€speed€that€was€more€Ìtotal€bodily€fracture€than€just€mere€breakneck.€Hurled€abruptly€Ìbackward€through€solid€panelling,€a€shaken€and€bemused€Will€Ìwatched€the€craft€almost€instantly€vanish€into€the€far€distance€Ìfrom€the€comfort€of€his€horizontal€position€on€the€pavement.€€ÌThe€craft's€reappearance€was€just€as€sudden.€Will€clambered€aboard€Ìtrying€to€avoid€the€dragon's€impatient€glare.Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€wasted€no€time€with€his€brittle€command.Ì€€€€€€€€'Take€that€damned€intangibility€belt€off€„€NOW!'Ì€€€€€€€€Will€immediately€complied,€removing€the€device€and€hanging€Ìit€over€the€pommel€of€his€sword.€With€that€special€efficiency€that€Ìmagic€provides,€the€belt€contracted€into€a€snug€fit.€€Will€did€not€Ìhave€time€to€marvel€at€its€rapid€change€in€size.€€The€violent€Ìupward€thrust€of€the€vehicle€sent€him€careering€into€the€rear€wall€Ìof€the€craft.€€This€barrier€that€been€so€easy€to€pass€through€an€Ìthe€ship's€first€ballistic€attempt€at€motion€proved€now€to€be€a€Ìmore€than€adequate€confinement.€It€was€so€effective€that€Will€took€Ìmost€of€the€rest€of€the€Journey€to€regain€his€bruised€senses.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Orange€Thingy€was€briefly€unconcerned€with€movements€on€Earth.€€ÌIts€attention€was€taken€up€by€the€sudden€appearance€of€the€Ìrestored€Purple€Thingy€on€Deimos,€one€of€the€Martian€Moons.€The€ÌOrange€One€had€instantly€shielded€its€existence.€€It€was€taking€no€Ìchances€at€this€stage,€for€it€knew€from€aeons€of€personal€Ìexperience€that€the€Purple€variety€of€its€race€was€capable€of€Ìadmirable€trickiness.€€This,€in€spite€of€the€obvious€fact€that€its€Ìgrotesque€mauve€coloration€marked€it€as€a€lesser€branch€of€the€Ìspecies.Ì€€€€€€€€It€was€no€coincidence€that€the€Purple€Thingy€likewise€Ìregarded€its€orange€counterpart€as€an€example€of€deficient€inbred€Ìstock.€€When€you€reached€a€Thingys'€level€of€mega„advanced€Ìevolution,€a€certain€level€of€personal€arrogance€was€unavoidable,€Ìand€as€a€pair,€the€Thingys'€combined€level€of€self„regard€was€Ìabsolutely€unbearable.Ì€€€€€€€€But€even€Thingys'€sometimes€made€mistakes.€€The€Orange€ÌOne's€disguise€was€a€pointless€expansion€of€energy.€€It€had€Ìadopted€the€shape€of€a€second€Earth€moon,€achieving€little€beyond€Ìthe€temporary€breakdown€of€tidal€control€computers€on€Earth.€€The€ÌPurple€One€would€not€have€been€fooled€by€its€tangerine€shape€and€Ìcoloration,€or€by€the€extravagance€of€its€false€moustache,€for€an€Ìinstant.€€The€Purple€Thingy€could€not€be€bothered€to€notice€such€Ìminor€matters€as€moons€at€that€precise€moment.€€Its€many€massive€Ìlilac„tinted€minds€were€taken€up€with€other€matters.€€Not€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðleast€of€which€was€the€great€relief€they€felt€to€be€released€from€Ìthe€strait„jacket€of€Queen€Sharon's€puny€form.€The€Thingy€was€Ìtense€and€took€a€while€to€relax,€a€calming€process€consisting€of€Ìthe€creation€and€ingestion€of€a€mountain€range€of€sugar€slightly€Ìlarger€than€the€Alps€combined€with€a€little€transcendental€Ìmeditation.Ì€€€€€€€€'It's€just€not€fair.'Ì€€€€€€€€Like€most€beings,€the€Purple€Thingy's€definition€of€Ìunfairness€was€anything€that€it€personally€found€annoying€or€Ìinconvenient.€€In€this€case,€it€probably€had€a€point.€€It€did€seem€Ìridiculous€that€although€allowed€as€many€epochs€as€required€to€Ìconceive€of€a€task€and€quite€a€while€to€execute€that€task,€subject€Ìto€the€life€span€of€the€selected€participants€of€course,€the€ÌThingy€was€only€allowed€a€matter€of€hours€to€choose€a€champion.€€ÌIt€was€already€beginning€to€regret€its€rushed€choice€but€nothing€Ìcould€change€that€decision.€€It€was€already€too€late.€€The€ÌHuman€had€been€chosen,€the€contract€signed,€the€die€was€not€only€Ìcast,€it€was€also€probably€crooked.Ì€€€€€€€€This€problem€with€the€regulations€was€one€that€confronted€Ìmost€of€the€philosophers€in€the€Galaxy.€€They€started€out€with€the€Ìnotion€that€there€must€be€a€sensibly€regulated€purpose€to€Ìexistence.€€This€was€a€wrong€assumption.€There€was€€no€logical€Ìform€to€the€rules€of€the€universe;€they€were€fundamentally€stupid.€€ÌIf€the€rules€had€been€rational,€philosophers€would€not€need€to€Ìexist.€€The€large€amounts€of€drugs€and€alcohol€therefore€necessary€Ìto€maintain€their€sanity€would€also€not€need€to€exist.Ì€€€€€€€€The€Purple€Thingy€found€comfort€in€a€similar€idea.€€In€a€ÌUniverse€with€a€sensible€structure,€the€existence€of€the€species€ÌHomo€Sapiens€was€pointless.€€The€Cosmos€however€was€not€sensible.€€ÌThis€was€clearly€evident:€(A)€because€of€its€rules,€and€(B)€Ìbecause€of€the€existence€of€a€race€as€worthless€as€Humanity.€€ÌTherefore,€the€Thingy€reasoned€that:€if€Creation€were€silly,€its€Ìrules€were€silly€and€some€of€its€population€were€silly.€€Maybe,€by€Ìthe€very€Illogical€nature€of€their€behaviour,€silly€beings€could€Ìsometimes€serve€a€sensible€purpose.€€Perhaps€the€evolution€of€ÌMankind€was€planned€solely€to€provide€the€Thingy€with€that€Ìbrief€moment€of€self„doubt€necessary€to€the€growing€process€of€any€Ìlife€form€faced€by€a€challenge.Ì€€€€€€€€Uplifted€from€its€depression,€if€not€entirely€convinced,€Ìby€this€mixture€of€deep€concentration,€conceit€and€gibberish.€€The€ÌPurple€Thingy€turned€its€formidable€attentions€to€Mars,€completely€Ìdisregarding€the€very€curious€tongue„poking€and€grimacing€antics€Ìof€the€Earth's€second€Moon.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐThe€white€cliffs€of€Dover€had€receded€into€a€distant€chalky€line€Ìbefore€Will€even€had€a€chance€to€register€them.€€Used€to€Ìwitnessing€the€suicidal€velocity€of€local€public€transport,€the€Ìspeed€of€their€journey€did€not€worry€him€as€much€as€the€actual€ÌJourney€itself.€€If€things€went€to€plan,€and€Will€still€had€to€be€Ìreassured€that€they€would,€he€would€shortly€be€leaving€a€secure,€Ìif€not€intellectually€active,€future€for€the€unknown€perils€of€Ìspace.€€It€was€a€big€step,€especially€for€someone€who€like€some€Ìtied„to„the„land€medieval€peasant,€had€never€ventured€more€than€Ìten€miles€in€any€direction.€€He€was€being€banished€after€all.ÌSulphur€briefly€turned€his€attention€from€the€headlong€race€Ìtowards€their€destination.Ì€€€€€€€€'We're€here.'Ì€€€€€€€€The€vehicle€started€to€slow.€€Will€did€not€need€to€be€told€Ìwhere€to€look€to€see€their€goal,€The€ship€was€more€than€huge;€it€Ìmade€the€towering€apartment€structures€of€the€Will's€home€suburbs€Ìlook€like€wigwams.€€He€was€awe„struck€and€humbled€by€COMS€Ìengineering€feat.Ìà ? à€€'You€know,€sometimes€you€lot€are€wasted€on€us€humans.€€ÌMaybe€you€should€have€sent€us€all€to€Mars.'Ì€€€€€€€€'What!€€Let€you€move€next€door€and€ruin€the€neighbourhood?€€ÌNo€chance.'Ì€€€€€€€€'It€looks€like€it€could€take€most€of€Europe.'Ì€€€€€€€€'It€just€has€to€take€us.€€Any€ideas€how€0€great€champion?'€ÌWill€ignored€the€dragon's€increasing€use€of€irony.Ì€€€€€€€€'Well€...'€That€was€all€he€managed€to€say€before€the€Ìcorrectional€craft€was€buffeted€by€an€incredible€explosion.Ì€€€€€€€€'What's€that€?'€Will€somehow€managed€to€scream€as€he€Ìpicked€himself€up€off€the€ceiling.Ì€€€€€€€€'Final€engine€test.€€Its€about€to€take€off.€€We've€missed€Ìit.'Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€righted€the€capsized€vehicle€and€Will€thudded€Ìheavily€to€the€floor.Ì€€€€€€€€'No€wonder€the€launch€sites€is€automated.€€We'll€have€to€Ìcrash€into€it.'Ì€€€€€€€€Sulphur€toyed€with€the€idea€that€Will's€cranial€organ€had€Ìbeen€injured€by€his€many€falls€during€the€course€of€the€day.€€He€Ìhated€himself€for€the€curiosity€that€prompted€clarification€of€tie€Ìhuman's€suicidal€statement.Ì€€€€€€€€'Crash?'Ì€€€€€€€€'Yes.'€Will€had€a€light€in€his€eye€that€was€either€madness€Ìor€inspiration.€€Sulphur€let€him€continue€unsure€of€which€Ìcondition€it€was,€'In€a€second€it'll€go,€If€we€crash€into€the€Ìtransport,€it'll€be€like€an€arrow€hitting€a€mountain.€There's€no€Ìway€we€can€damage€it.'Ì€€€€€€€€'What€about€IT€damaging€us?'Ì€€€€€€€€Despite€reservations,€Sulphur€let€the€correctional€craft€Ìbuild€up€speed€on€a€ramming€heading€with€the€departing€ship.€€Will€Ìwrenched€the€intangibility€belt€off€the€sword€and€grabbed€Sulphur€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðtightly.Ì€€€€€€€€'You€take€the€belt.€€It's€all€in€your€reactions.€€As€we€Ìstrike€the€ship€put€it€on.€The€impact€will€throw€us€forward€Ìthrough€their€hull.€As€we€enter€the€ship€you€take€it€off€and€we'll€Ìbe€solid€again.'Ì€€€€€€€€'Or€you'll€be€jam€and€I'll€be€a€paperweight.'ÌTheir€speed€increased.€The€massive€transport€filled€all€of€their€Ìvision,€or€it€would€have,€if€Will€had€not€had€his€eyes€screwed€Ìtightly€shut.Ì€€€€€€€€"So€much€for€confidence,"€was€Sulphur's€last€thought€Ìbefore€the€tremendous€shock€of€impact.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€transport€vibrated€upwards€on€its€journey.€€Full€of€the€€€Ìthrill€of€release€from€its€earthbound€restraints,€the€automatic€€€Ìpiloting€mechanism€hardly€noticed€the€correctional€craft€that€€Ìfirst€plowed€itself€into€a€pulverised€mess€into€the€transport's€€Ìside€and€was€shortly€after€incinerated€by€the€all„consuming€€Ìferocity€of€the€big€ship's€fiery€jets,€a€space€transport€had€to€€Ìexpect€some€minor€damage€during€the€course€of€its€travels€and€the€€Ìlittle€ship's€extinction€had€barely€managed€to€scratch€the€huge€€Ìvessel's€paint€work.€€Ì€€Ì€Ì̀̀€Ì€€Ì€€ÌThe€upward€motion€at€the€point€of€entry€was€so€rapid€that€€ÌSulphur€plummeted€through€several€floors€before€managing€to€remove€€Ìthe€intangibility€belt.€€It€was€a€matter€of€luck€rather€than€€Ìjudgement€that€he€managed€to€avoid€the€fate€of€their€ship.€€One€€Ìmore€floor,€and€the€resulting€barbecue€would€have€been€fatal.€As€€Ìit€was,€the€terrific€force€and€speed€with€which€the€transport's€€Ìhull€greeted€the€dragon's€return€to€solid€form€almost€succeeded€in€€Ìachieving€a€similar€result.€It€took€a€while€for€Sulphur€to€€Ìinternally€redirect€and€restore€some€of€his€more€befuddled€€€Ìfunctions.€€When€he€finally€did€return€to€conscious€appraisal€of€€Ìhis€surroundings,€there€seemed€to€be€a€distinct€lack€of€human€€Ìpresence€in€the€cavernous€metal€storeroom.€€Ìà ? àAlthough€Sulphur€would€never€admit€that€his€systems€were€€Ìcapable€of€a€feeling€akin€to€anxiety,€there€did€seen€to€be€€Ìsomething€mildly€panic„stricken€about€the€speed€with€which€he€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðmoved€his€scanners€to€full€power.€There€was€no€trace€of€Will€on€€Ìany€nearby€level€and€so€the€search€began.€€Ìà ? àFortunately,€all€of€the€vast€holds€that€the€dainty€green€€Ìtalons€laboriously€traversed€were€empty,€waiting€to€be€filled€for€€Ìthe€return€journey.€After€a€while,€Sulphur€reached€an€area€that€€Ìshowed€faint€signs€of€life.€He€followed€the€trail€to€yet€another€€Ìhuge€and€bare€storage€area.€The€dragon€cursed€his€sensors;€they€€Ìseemed€to€have€been€damaged€by€the€impact,€telling€him€that€Will€€Ìshould€be€in€the€very€area€that€he€minutely€surveyed.€€It€was€€Ìtypical€of€the€human€not€to€be€where€he€was€supposed€to€be.€€ÌSulphur€was€about€to€disregard€the€angry€internal€beeps€of€his€€Ìlife€form€locator€when€he€heard€a€groan€from€above€and€looked€up.€€Ìà ? àWill€hung€limply€from€the€ceiling€like€a€battered€strip€of€€€Ìfly„paper.€€Sulphur€magnetised€his€claws€and€soon€managed€to€reach€€Ìthe€upended€side€of€his€semi„conscious€companion.€€Will's€apparent€€Ìgravity„defying€state€was€caused€by€the€fact€that€the€soles€of€his€€Ìshoes€were€firmly€imbedded€in€the€transports€hull.€"Idiot!"€€€ÌSulphur€thought.€I€told€him€not€to€let€go.€€Ì€€Ì€ÌÌÌ̀̀€Ì€€ÌSulphur€was€not€the€only€one€who€took€a€while€to€register€€ÌWill's€presence.€Decades€of€mindless€back„and„forth€journeys€€Ìbetween€the€third€and€forth€planets€had€began€to€work€strange€€Ìanomalies€into€the€functions€of€the€transport's€automatic€piloting€€Ìmechanism.€To€a€point€where€it€no€longer€even€thought€of€itself€as€€Ìanything€as€mundane€as€an€automatic€piloting€mechanism.€€Ìà ? àOn€this€trip€it€was€Buck€Chandler;€square„jawed,€gum„chewing€€ÌMajor€in€the€Star€Corps.€€Buck€was€on€a€death„defying€mission€to€€Ìrescue€his€lover€Princess€Quarg€and€her€people€on€Quantag€Maxus.€€€ÌThis€was€quite€a€leap€of€mechanical€imagination€for€a€system€that€€Ìpossessed€no€jaw,€no€mouth,€no€Star€Corps€commission€and€no€€Ìgenitalia,€it€was€extremely€dumb,€especially€as€the€Orange€Thingy€€Ìhad€wiped€out€the€population€of€Quantag€Maxus€ages€ago,€but€no€€Ìmore€dumb€than€the€pilot's€previous€incarnation€as€Icarus€on€his€€Ìweary„armed€way€to€get€a€suntan.€€Ìà ? àThe€pilot's€delusions€just€meant€that€occasionally,€the€€Ìsystem's€attention€wandered€slightly,€becoming€diverted€by€non„€Ìexistent€galactic€obstacles€and€resulting€in€a€somewhat€eccentric€€Ìflight€path.€Eventually€though,€Buck€had€noticed€the€manic€€Ìflashing€stowaway€alert€light€and€routed€emergency€oxygen€and€€Ìgravity€supplies€to€the€relevant€area.€€For€an€instant,€its€€Ìcuriosity€was€aroused.€€It€had€been€a€long€time€since€there€had€€Ìbeen€a€stowaway,€but€other€matters€soon€intruded.€€The€unreal€jaw€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðfirmly€tightened€as€Buck€casually€avoided€an€asteroid€that€was€not€€Ìthere€and€vaporised€an€imaginary€cruiser€of€the€evil€Tolgan€€Ìempire.€Thrills€and€excitement€were€non„stop€in€the€Star€Corps.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€Ì̀̀€Ì€€ÌThrills€and€a€excitement€were€something€that€Will€had€had€€Ìmore€than€enough€of€for€one€birthday,€as€he€weakly€reached€a€€Ìpainful€and€shoe„less€awakening€in€a€corner€of€the€storage€area.€€€ÌHe€knew€that€the€transport€was€fast,€but€felt€a€grateful€sense€of€€Ìrelief€at€the€knowledge€that€it€would€take€days€to€reach€Mars,€all€€Ìdepending€on€its€relative€orbital€position€to,€and€distance€from,€€Ìthe€Earth.€€Ìà ? àIt€was€rest€and€need€for€reflection€that€was€sorely€needed€€Ìby€both€Will€and€Sulphur.€Their€lives€had€changed€with€alarming€€Ìspeed€and€it€took€a€while€to€catch€up.€€€Ìà ? àSo€many€of€Will's€reactions€had€been€prompted€by€a€level€of€€€Ìinstinct€and€decisiveness€that€was€amazing€considering€his€€Ìbackground€and€at€the€same€time€extremely€disconcerting.€€Will€€Ìwondered€whether€the€no€assistance€clause€of€the€Queen's€contract€€Ìonly€existed€on€a€conscious€level.€Were€his€reactions€the€result€€Ìof€dormant€qualities,€skills€that€humans€were€programmed€only€to€€Ìuse€in€a€crisis?€€Or€had€Sharon€just€performed€an€all€parts€€Ìservice€on€his€character€without€prior€consent?€€€Ìà ? àHe€could€€not€sense€any€radical€difference€but€felt€that€he€€Ìshould€wait€a€while€to€be€sure,€and€allow€some€time€for€his€numbed€€Ìsenses€to€each€some€sort€of€recalibrated€level€before€he€could€€Ìreally€analyse€the€days€events.€Only€one€day€„€it€was€incredible.€€ÌDespite€feeling€every€bit€as€combat€fatigued€by€the€rapid€€Ìtransitions€since€morning,€Sulphur€still€outwardly€functioned€with€€Ìannoying€coolness.€€Ìà ? à'You€realise€of€course,€that€you€have€forgotten€the€first€€Ìrule€of€life€for€a€stowaway?'€€Ìà ? àWill€managed€a€tired€smile€at€the€dragon's€pragmatic€tone.€€Ìà ? à'What's€that?'€€Ìà ? à'Bring€a€packed€lunch.'€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐThe€Orange€Thingy€watched€the€distant€escape€of€the€transport€from€€Ìthe€Earth's€orbit.€€Ìà ? à"No€wonder€these€creatures€are€so€backward,€if€their€idea€of€€Ìspace€transportation€is€this€sluggish€and€cumbersome€toy."€€Ìà ? àPerhaps,€with€their€limited€intellect,€they€had€not€yet€€Ìmanaged€to€harness€the€power€of€their€own€overlap€states.€€The€€Ìoverlap€state€was€a€strange€dimension€that€all€really€advanced€€Ìcreatures€were€biologically€capable€of€reaching.€€Aeons€before,€€Ìthe€Thingy€culture,€like€many€other€reasonably€savvy€developing€€Ìsocieties€had€grasped€the€principles€of€true€interstellar€travel.€€Ìà ? àIn€a€beings€"awake"€state,€much€that€is€imagined€takes€on€a€€Ìreal€dimension.€€In€the€"sleep"€state,€much€that€is€real€takes€on€€Ìa€imaginary€dimension.€Thingy€scientists€discovered€that€this€was€€Ìbecause€the€Universe€of€the€Real€and€of€the€Imaginary€existed,€and€€Ìsometimes€overlapped,€side„by„side.€€By€reaching€for€a€subtle€€Ìbalance€between€the€conscious€and€unconscious,€one€could€make€use€€Ìof€these€"overlaps"€and€travel€vast€distances€at€will.€€Ìà ? àAll€you€had€to€do€to€travel€was€to€attain€the€level€of€€Ìoverlap€balance,€instantly€transport€yourself€to€your€destination€€Ìarea€in€the€imaginary€Universe,€then€just€find€one€of€many€overlap€€Ìpoints€that€existed€in€any€spatial€area€and€cross€back€to€the€real€€ÌUniverse.€€Ìà ? àIt€resembled€the€transport€system€that€Mankind€had€long€€Ìdreamed€of,€not€knowing€that€they€already€were€capable€of€it,€a€€Ìsystem€where€you€could€be€broken€down€and€reassembled€elsewhere€in€€Ìan€instant.€€Using€the€overlap€balance,€you€could€disassemble€€Ìyourself€and€overlap€into€the€imaginary€universe,€travel,€and€€Ìreturn€to€solid€form€in€a€different€physical€location.€€Ìà ? àOf€course,€there€had€been€a€few€casualties€with€this€method€€Ìof€journey.€€It€took€practice€to€fully€master€and€you€have€to€be€€Ìcareful€or€you€could€end€up€as€a€ghost,€or€as€an€hallucination€€Ìtrapped€between€the€two€complimentary€levels€of€existence.€€Ìà ? àThere€were€also€economic€problems;€at€first,€there€had€been€€€Ìmillions€of€redundancies€at€Thingy€Transport€PLC€(i.e.€Putrid€€ÌLimited€Company).€But€on€the€whole,€the€overlap€state€was€€Ìconsidered€a€real€boon€to€the€commuter€and€managed€to€explain€a€€Ìquestion€that€had€long€puzzled€Thingy€philosophers.€€Question:€Why€€Ìare€objects€in€the€universe€so€far€apart?€Answer:€Distance€does€€Ìnot€matter€because€the€Universes'€creators€did€not€mean€physical€€Ìdistance€to€be€attempted€and€only€very,€very€stupid€species€would€€Ìtry€it.€€Ìà ? àAll€this€thought€of€transportation€came€about€because€the€€ÌOrange€Thingy€was€beginning€to€get€bored,€searching€its€mind€for€€Ìsomething€to€think€about,€The€Orange€One€had€one€major€fault,€€Ìapart€from€general€psychosis;€it€had€the€lowest€threshold€of€€Ìboredom€in€creation.€€Most€of€its€really€mean€acts€were€part€of€an€€Ìattempt€to€spice€up€its€life€and€combat€dullness;€sometimes€it€€Ìeven€took€risks,€just€to€see€what€would€happen.€€It€took€a€chance€€Ìnow,€triumphantly€emerging€from€its€Moon€disguise.€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àThe€result€was€disappointing.€€There€was€no€reaction€from€€Ìthe€shifting€purple€form€on€Deimos.€€Not€one€acid„bathed€lavender€€Ìeyeball€deigned€to€glance€in€the€direction€of€the€transformation.€€€ÌThe€Purple€Thingy's€minds€were€obviously€elsewhere.€€The€Orange€€ÌThingy€tried,€in€vain,€to€pick€up€the€trail€of€his€compatriots€€Ìmauve€mentality.€€Ìà ? àWhatever€Purple€was€doing,€had€to€be€more€fun€than€watching€€Ìsome€pathetic€little€spacecraft.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌWhat€the€Purple€Thingy€was€doing€at€that€exact€moment€was€€Ìwatching€some€pathetic€little€spacecraft,€as€the€Mars€mining€ship€€Ìcruised€above€the€reddish€rock€and€Shepard€plant„strewn€surface€of€€Ìthe€Chryse€Plantia.€€Ìà ? àThe€Purple€Thingy€also€distantly€monitored€the€progress€of€€ÌWill,€Sulphur€and€their€transport€on€its€lethargic€journey€to€this€€Ìcurious€world.€€The€slowness€of€their€travel€was€a€source€of€great€€Ìfrustration€to€the€Purple€Being,€but€it€had€to€keep€more€or€less€€Ìto€the€confines€of€the€contract€it€had€drawn€up.€€Ìà ? àThere€might€have€been€some€brave€and€foolhardy€souls€of€the€€€Ìopinion€that€the€appearance€of€the€Purple€Thingy€on€Mars€prior€to€€ÌWill's€arrival€did€indicate€a€slight€evidence€of€rule€bending.€€€ÌHad€the€Purple€Thingy€been€of€a€lower€species€that€resorted€to€€Ìself„justification,€It€would€have€answered€that€this€was€a€blatant€€Ìlie.€€€Ìà ? àIt€was€Will's€job€as€stated€in€the€contract€to€engage€help€€Ìfor€the€task;€it€was€true€that€the€Thingy€could€not€help€in€that€€Ìeventual€choice,€however,€the€contract€did€not€state€that€the€€ÌThingy€could€not€round€up€the€few€likely€prospects€and€get€them€to€€Ìone€place€to€speed€up€that€choice.€€Ìà ? àIt€was€with€this€object€in€mind€(or€minds)€that€the€Thingy€€Ìhad€made€its€appearance,€albeit€with€a€change€of€sartorial€tactic.€€€ÌRather€than€once€again€face€the€ridiculous€strictures€of€a€solid€€Ìhumanoid€form,€the€Thingy€had€projected€an€insubstantial€image€of€€ÌQueen€Sharon€onto€the€fourth€planets€surface.€€The€Queen's€task,€€Ìto€carry€out€an€extremely€taxing€mission:€Finding€anyone€on€this€€Ìred€planet€of€renegades,€rejects€and€runaways€who€was€going€to€be€€Ìat€all€useful.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€Ì€€Ìà ? àÌÌÌThe€first€was€a€local€call.€€By€Thingy€standards€the€object€€Ìwas€contemporary.€€By€mortal€standards,€the€large€Sarsen€stone€was€€Ìextremely€old.€€Once€long€ago,€this€crudely€carved€and€weathered€€Ìshape€had€taken€its€powerful€and€honoured€place€in€the€inner€€Ìcircle€of€Stonehenge.€That€was€before€Mankind€got€the€idea€that€€Ìenough€money€and€influence€could€buy€any€foolish€whim€and€€Ìunfortunately€proceeded€to€prove€themselves€right.€€€Ìà ? àIt€had€happened€a€couple€of€decades€before€human€misery€and€€Ìself€destructiveness€reached€rock€bottom€and€COMS€stepped€in€to€€Ìoffer€a€future.€Mars€was€like€any€boom„world€in€those€distant€€Ìdays.€Peopled€by€the€monumentally€wealthy,€nouveau„riche€few,€and€€Ìby€desperate€poverty„stricken€crowds€who€wanted€to€emulate€their€€Ìsuccess.€€Life€was€especially€cheap€then,€but€there€had€never€been€€Ìa€time€when€it€was€expensive.€€Ìà ? àThe€most€powerful,€feared,€admired€and€possibly€unattractive€€Ìman€at€that€time€was€Phineas€T.€Shepard.€€He€was€the€richest€of€€Ìthe€rich.€The€wealthiest€man€in€either€world,€old€or€new,€he€also€€Ìhad€one€other€trait€that€people€talked€about,€having€been€the€€Ìluckiest€man€in€the€Solar€System.€€Ìà ? àHe€had€been€mining€in€the€old€oxygen€pressure€suits,€on€the€€Ìverge€of€starvation,€when€fortune€had€struck€and€he€had€stumbled€€Ìacross€an€ancient€subterranean€structure.€€Phineas€had€gone€inside€€Ìand€found€some€ancient€seeds,€taken€them€home€and€nurtured€them€€Ìthrough€trial€and€error,€more€out€of€boredom€than€botanical€€Ìinterest,€hoping€that€anything€the€seeds€produced€would€be€edible.€€€€Ìà ? àThe€resulting€plant€was€a€phenomenon.€€It€did€not€need€€Ìwater,€thrived€on€the€Martian€soil,€propagated€like€bacteria€on€a€€Ìcorpse,€and€most€importantly,€it€transmuted€Mars'€unpalatable€€Ìatmospheric€cocktail€of€carbon€dioxide,€carbon€monoxide,€argon€and€€Ìozone€into€something€very€much€like€air.€€Ìà ? àPhineas€did€not€realise€that€he€had€stumbled€on€a€latent€€Ìexample€of€the€very€instrument€of€biochemical€warfare€that€had€€Ìaccidentally€wiped€out€the€native€Martian€species€a€million€years€€Ìbefore.€€He€probably€would€not€have€cared.€€It€was€not€his€fault€€Ìthat€the€Martians€had€developed€a€poison€gas€plant;€all€he€€Ìbothered€about€was€the€air€that€it€produced€and€the€billions€that€€Ìit€made€him.€€Ìà ? àIt€took€a€long€time€and€lot€of€hard€effort€to€carpet€Mars€€Ìwith€Shepard€plants€and€provide€the€Red€World€with€a€breathable€€Ìatmosphere,€but€the€financial€rewards€more€than€compensated.€€€Ìà ? àHowever,€Phineas€was€not€completely€happy.€€He€had€always€€Ìbeen€active€and€once€the€setting€up€was€done,€he€found€that€he€did€€Ìnot€have€much€to€do.€€Until€one€day,€whilst€sitting€in€his€vintage€€Ìchampagne„filled€jacuzzi,€he€thought€of€a€solution.€€He€would€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcreate€projects€and€tests€of€influence,€designed€to€strengthen€his€€Ìhold€on€immortality€and€lovingly€fondle€his€ever„expanding€ego.€€Ìà ? àOne€such€test€was€the€transportation€of€a€stone€from€€ÌStonehenge€to€mark€the€landing€site€of€the€Viking€Lander€I€in€the€€ÌChryse€Planitia.€There€was€no€logic€to€this€and€the€stone€looked€€Ìnaked€and€vaguely€ridiculous€surrounded€by€the€oddly€shaped€plants€€Ìthat€had€paid€for€its€journey.€It€was€soon€forgotten€by€the€€Ìdwindling€human€population€and€by€the€army€of€hard„working€€Ìmachines€that€remained€to€ignore€it.€€Ìà ? àSadly,€Phineas€never€got€to€see€the€stone€in€its€new€€Ìsurroundings.€He€was€killed€in€a€bizarre€and€messy€carpet„cleaning€€Ìaccident€at€his€home€shortly€after€the€arrival€of€a€consignment€€Ìthat€bore,€amongst€other€curiosities:€the€Sarsen€stone,€€ÌTutankhamen's€mummy,€an€Aztec€altar€and€an€Easter€Island€statue.€€ÌThere€was€talk€of€a€curse€but€no€one€could€decide€what€was€€Ìresponsible;€Phineas€had€blasphemed€against€so€many€old€gods€in€a€€Ìbid€to€prove€his€personal€power,€it€seemed€only€fair€that€one€of€€Ìthe€affronted€deities€should€have€the€last€word€on€influence.€€Ìà ? àThe€Purple€Thingy€did€not€care€about€any€of€this.€€It€was€€Ìnot€concerned€with€futile€Human€stabs€at€immortality€or€with€€Ìsightseeing.€It€had€arrived€upon€the€"plains€of€gold"€with€a€€Ìpurpose.€To€deliver€a€long€overdue€wake„up€call.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌThe€thing€about€wake€up€calls€is€that€to€an€impartial€observer,€Ìthey€usually€share€one€common€point.€€There€is€something€vaguely€Ìalarming€about€them.€€It€has€to€do€with€the€sudden€noise€€Ìor€motion€that€suddenly€jackboots€itself€to€a€position€where€it€€Ìcan€best€destroy€even€the€most€peaceful€of€slumbering€scenes.€€Ìà ? àThere€was€nothing€loud€or€jerky€about€Queen€Sharon€and€the€€€Ìmovements€of€her€insubstantial€form,€but€the€effect€was€still€€Ìstriking.€One€casual€movement€and€the€chill€tranquillity€of€the€€Ìrouged€landscape€evaporated€to€be€replaced€by€a€vibrantly€charged€€Ìatmosphere€of€controlled€power.€€Waves€of€energy€started€to€build,€€Ìrippling€from€the€extended€arm€of€the€Queen,€directed€at€the€€Ìancient€stone€face.€Its€surface€responded€greedily,€absorbing€€Ìevery€particle€of€this€potent€force€as€it€started€to€grow€and€€Ìthrob€with€a€beating€life„like€pulse.€More€and€more,€the€stone€€Ìconsumed€its€diet€of€energy,€feeding€with€the€wanton€gluttony€of€a€€Ìblack€hole,€and€more€and€more€its€surface€writhed€and€bulged.€€ÌThen,€abruptly,€the€movement€stopped,€all€seemed€returned€to€quiet€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðas€the€Queen€relaxed€into€a€posture€of€vigilant€detachment€and€€Ìwaited.€€Ìà ? àAfter€a€while,€a€thin€line€of€brilliant€light€appeared€€Ìetched€in€the€stone.€€Slowly€the€line€moved€upward,€marking€out€€Ìthe€detailed€template€for€an€imposing€humanoid€figure.€A€line€form€€Ìthat€yawned€as€it€reached€completion€and€detached€itself€from€the€€Ìstone€face€to€stand€erect€like€some€mad€neon€holograph.€€Then€its€€Ìlined€hand€motioned€and€lurid€beams€of€light€seemed€to€burst€from€€Ìevery€point€of€the€stone,€enveloping,€building,€detailing€the€€Ìfigure€until€with€a€final€showy€explosion,€they€were€gone,€leaving€€Ìbehind€a€very€solid,€very€alive€and€very€confused€personage:€€ÌMerlyn.€€Ìà ? àThe€Queen€scanned€the€Thingy's€many€minds€and€compared€their€€€Ìmemory€data€with€the€being€that€stood€before€her.€€This€was€not€€Ìsome€ancient€shaman€covered€in€foul„smelling€animal€skins€or€a€€Ìwizened€mystic€with€a€long€white€beard.€Chroniclers€usually€forgot€€Ìthat€the€first€thing€a€top€class€witch€or€wizard€did,€after€€Ìspending€sixty„odd€years€obtaining€a€level€of€power€to€do€so,€was€€Ìrejuvenate€their€appearance.€€Thus€Merlyn,€despite€an€expression€€Ìof€considerable€puzzlement€at€his€surroundings,€still€presented€a€€Ìsurprisingly€youthful€aspect,€that€is€if€one€disregarded€his€€Ìpiercing€blue€eyes,€which€seemed€a€few€days€older€then€time.€€Ìà ? àHe€had€been€tall€in€his€day€but€six€feet€was€now€a€€Ìnormality.€Long€hair€of€deepest€black€framed€a€hard€and€lively€€Ìface,€and€a€long,€thick,€intricately„pleated€moustache€hung€down€€Ìan€either€side€of€the€thin€mouth.€He€was€obviously€a€product€of€a€€Ìharsh,€unflabby€era.€A€modern€observer€might€have€placed€the€age€€Ìof€his€thin,€yet€solid€form€at€around€thirty€five€and€wondered€€Ìabout€his€obvious€peak€of€fitness.€Such€an€observer€might€have€€Ìalso€speculated€at€length€about€Merlyn's€long€flowing€silken€€Ìrobes,€which€seemed€of€indeterminent€period€or€cut.€€His€costume€€Ìwas€garishly€plaid,€covered€in€weird€runes€and€incantations€that€€Ìechoed€the€subtle€woad€tattooing€of€his€flesh.€€All€in€all,€he€was€€Ìan€impressive€figure,€someone€not€to€tally€lightly€with,€someone€€Ìto€listen€to.€€As€if€to€underline€this€last€point€he€found€his€€Ìvoice€and€spoke€in€a€tone€of€rich€authority€that€any€actor€€Ìwould€kill€for.€€Ìà ? àMerlyn's€words€were€uttered€in€a€tongue€long€dead,€one€of€€Ìmany€archaic€languages€that€have€only€a€limited€purpose€after€€Ìtheir€eventual€evolution€and€extinction€should€have€consigned€them€€Ìto€a€footnote.€Restricted€applications€that€had€mostly€served€to€€Ìswell€the€budgets€of€language€departments€over€the€centuries,€€Ìmaking€the€lives€of€their€students€miserable€before€giving€them€€Ìsomething€to€bore€people€with€in€old€age.€€What€Merlyn€tunefully€€Ìpronounced€roughly€translated€as:€€€Ìà ? à'Spirit,€where€in€the€name€of€all€the€demons€am€I€?'€€Ìà ? à'You'll€find€your€answer€over€there,€Magician,€at€the€bar€in€€€ÌShepard€City.'€Ìà ? àThe€Queen€pointed€behind€him€with€an€imperious€gesture€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðof€her€hand€and€then€promptly€disappeared.€€€€Ìà ? à"Showoff!"€Merlyn€thought€as€he€turned€and€faced€the€point€€Ìat€which€he€had€been€directed.€€Ìà ? àWith€the€exception€of€the€Sarsen€stone,€there€was€nothing€€Ìbut€red€rock€and€strange€plant„life€for€as€far€as€the€magician's€€Ìkeen€eyes€could€see.€€For€a€moment,€he€paused,€tenderly€feeling€€Ìthe€stone's€rough€surface,€communing€with€this€great€object€that€€Ìhad€housed€him€for€he€did€not€know€how€many€years.€€Ìà ? àHe€wondered€what€had€happened€to€its€companions.€There€had€€Ìbeen€talk€of€redevelopment€in€the€area.€€Moving€some€of€the€blue€€ÌStones€at€the€observatory,€some€over„eager€architectural€€Ìinnovators€had€even€advocated€abandoning€construction€of€their€€Ìhuts€in€favour€of€new€flashy€stone€dwellings.€€Ìà ? à"But€this!"€€He€frowned€at€the€landscape€and€shook€his€head€€Ìat€the€absurdity€of€it€all.€€This€was€going€too€far.€€Ìà ? àThere€had€to€be€an€answer,€and€the€spirit,€be€she€fair€or€€Ìfoul,€had€said€that€this€lay€somewhere€before€him.€With€a€murmured€€Ìincantation€to€the€deity€of€travel,€he€started€on€his€long€€Ìjourney,€determined€to€find€his€answers€and€someone€to€pay€dearly€€Ìfor€his€inconvenience.€€€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€had€some€things€in€common€with€the€greater€throng€of€€€ÌMankind;€one€of€these€was€that€he€hated€being€woken€with€a€start.€€€ÌIt€made€him€grumpy.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€Ì̀̀€Ì€€ÌWill€sat€tensely€perched€upon€the€toilet€and€dwelt€upon€its€€Ìhistory.€The€unit€was€a€gleaming€maximum€customer€comfort€model,€€Ìthoughtfully€provided€to€prevent€stowaways€from€fouling€the€€Ìtransport.€€Most€appliances€manufactured€by€COMS€central€were€€Ìprovided€with€mental€and€vocal€functions.€The€human€refuse€€Ìdisposal€system€was€unique;€an€appliance€that€had€had€its€speech€€Ìprivileges€withdrawn.€€Ìà ? àMankind€tended€to€be€greatly€embarrassed€by€what€they€€Ìperceived€as€their€lower€animal€functions.€€The€films€and€€Ìliterature€that€Will€loved€had€gone€through€a€period€of€social€€Ìrelaxation€and€exhibited€a€marked€increase€in€the€amount€of€sexual€€Ìactivity€on€display.€€This€freedom€had€never€extended€to€other€€Ìcommonplace€acts,€and€there€had€always€been€major€reticence€to€€Ìdisplaying€an€odd€visit€to€the€lavatory€for€its€original€design€€Ìpurpose.€€Heroes€and€Heroines€never€did€such€things;€they€were€€Ìindecent.€€It€did€not€matter€what€the€situation,€some€fictional€€Ìphenomena€could€spend€ten€years€in€a€confined€spacecraft€or€two€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðweeks€trapped€underground€with€four€hundred€incontinent€miners€€Ìwithout€the€subject€of€waste€disposal€being€raised.€€Ìà ? àAll€this€had€led€the€youthful€and€impressionable€Will€to€€Ìpresume€that€his€need€for€the€occasional€use€of€his€disposal€€Ìsystem€was€a€symptom€of€some€outlandish€renal€affliction.€€He€had€€Ìbombarded€every€available€mechanical€medical€authority,€€Ìwithstanding€quite€a€few€rigorous€and€humiliating€tests€before€he€€Ìcould€be€persuaded€that€nothing€was€wrong.€€Ìà ? àCOMS€had€faced€a€similar€credulity€gap€when€it€came€to€€Ìlaunching€the€talking€toilet.€€When€the€Cybernetic€Operational€€ÌManagement€Structure€had€first€established€itself€in€a€position€of€€Ìglobal€control,€it€had€blitzed€its€public€with€a€series€of€€Ìsoothing€advertisements€depicting€their€rosy€future.€€Most€€Ìeverything€had€been€absorbed€and€gratefully€accepted€by€a€€Ìpopulation€in€the€last€stages€of€decay€and€desperation.€€There€had€€Ìonly€been€one€exception€and€Will€was€sitting€on€its€closest€modern€€Ìequivalent.€€Ìà ? àThe€problem€had€to€do€with€an€inherent€bleakness€in€the€€Ìoutlook€of€the€waste€system€that€manifested€itself€in€a€€Ìdistressing€bluntness€of€language.€It€just€was€not€comfortable€to€€Ìvoid€oneself€whilst€your€disposal€system€was€loudly€proclaiming€a€€Ìseries€of€biting€and€acerbic€opinions€about€your€diet,€liquid€€Ìconsumption€and€the€lamentable€aesthetic€quality€of€the€faeces€an€€Ìoffer.€Will€could€almost€understand€the€toilets€outlook.€In€olden€€Ìtimes,€it€had€been€an€almost€normal€reaction€for€those€in€€Ìunglamorous€and€unfulfilling€work€to€develop€a€negative€outlook€€Ìand€a€sense€of€personal€offence.€€Ìà ? àWill€himself€felt€that€recent€events€had€only€increased€his€€Ìgreat€feeling€of€empathy€with€a€moribund€object€that€spent€its€€Ìlife€getting€crapped€on.€€COMS€had,€after€their€initial€€Ìdisappointment,€briefly€responded€with€a€disposal€system€that€not€€Ìonly€enjoyed€its€work€but€graphically€informed€you€of€the€positive€€Ìaspects€of€its€job€at€great€length.€€But€the€new€models€failure€€Ìwas€even€greater€and€COMS€in€its€only€U„turn,€or€"U„bend„turn"€as€€ÌWill€christened€it,€had€finally€bowed€before€the€public€pressure€€Ìand€the€sheer€weight€of€vandalised€disposal€machinery.€€€Ìà ? àAfter€jointly€finishing€his€absolutions€and€train€of€€Ìthought,€Will€returned€to€the€dragon's€side.€Sulphur,€having€long€€Ìgiven€up€on€Man's€inefficient€design,€refrained€from€comment€on€€Ìhis€absence.€€Ìà ? à'You€know.'€Will€said,€thoughtfully€shaking€his€head.€€Ìà ? à'It's€strange,€but,€I€always€have€this€really€odd€feeling€€Ìthat€the€toilet's€glaring€at€me€for€some€reason.'€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇThe€tune€was€rich€and€subtle,€yet€there€was€something€weird€and€Ìalien€about€its€perfection.€€It€had€a€deep€structured€layering,€a€Ìsense€of€complexity€and€a€feeling€of€heartrending€yearning€that€a€Ìhuman€composer,€however€gifted€with€genius,€could€not€hope€to€Ìrecreate.€Ìà ? àThe€music€seemed€to€expand€the€limited€horizons€of€the€Ìsurrounding€cramped€stone€walls,€to€reveal€other€huge€and€Ìwonderful€vistas,€an€epic€kaleidoscope€of€fantastic€locations€and€Ìfabulous€experience.€Individual€notes€seemed€to€have€a€mystical€Ìvibrant€life€and€they€waltzed€around€the€spotless€cave€filling€Ìevery€crevice,€every€possession€of€their€player€and€composer,€Ìà ? àThe€few€delicately€refined€items€of€furniture€that€there€Ìwere€in€the€cave€were€of€exquisite€taste.€€These€objects,€coupled€Ìwith€the€neatly€stacked€books€and€papers,€many€of€vast€antiquity,€Ìwere€evidence€of€a€cultured€and€discerning€intellect.€€And€yet,€Ìthese€items€lumped€together€were€not€much€to€show€for€a€life€that€Ìhad€lasted€longer€than€that€of€Mankind's€on€Earth,€that€had€been€Ìpartly€responsible€the€demise€of€the€dinosaur,€and€had€been€Ìwitness€to€incredible€events€and€a€procession€of€human€life€in€all€Ìits€shades,€great,€pathetic€and€mediocre.€Ìà ? àOne€item€of€furniture€whose€absence€spoke€volumes€was€a€Ìmirror.€€This€was€not€just€an€oversight€or€testament€to€a€lack€of€Ìvanity.€€The€player€had€a€pronounced€and€deep„seated€hatred€of€his€Ìouter€shell.€The€broad€face€and€powerfully€muscular€body€should€Ìhave€been€covered€in€a€bountiful,€full„bearded€hirsute€tangle,€and€Ìyet,€with€the€exception€of€the€tastefully€coifed€dark€brown€head€Ìof€locks,€a€mighty€depilatory€had€been€used€to€render€the€dark,€Ìleathery€skin€as€hairless€as€a€babe.€Ìà ? àThe€wide€middle„aged€visage€was€brutish€and€hooked,€with€Ìlarge€lips,€a€prominent€nose€and€forehead.€€The€great€teeth€had€Ìbeen€straightened€by€an€heroic€amount€of€dental€labour.€€The€Ìoverall€hawkish€aspect€was€offset€by€the€brilliant€green€eyes€that€Ìglinted€like€magical€emeralds,€proclaiming€the€intellect€and€Ìrestless€vigour€of€their€owner.€€This€restlessness€was€illustrated€Ìby€the€delicate€fluttering€movement€of€his€fingers;€although€they€Ìwere€short,€gnarled€and€stubby,€they€moved€across€the€keyboard€Ìwith€a€potent€mix€of€speed,€dexterity€and€grace.€Like€the€music,€Ìthe€carefully€chosen€fabrics€that€clothed€him€were€bright€and€Ìcolourful,€of€elegant€design€and€finest€construction€with€no€hint€Ìof€the€gaudy€or€tacky€about€them.€Ìà ? àSuddenly,€the€melody€momentarily€stopped,€although€the€cave€Ìstill€seemed€to€hum€with€its€resonance.€The€player€tensed,€became€Ìalert,€aware€of€a€slight€disturbance€in€the€atmosphere.€€As€the€ÌQueen€appeared,€his€hands€began€to€softly€work€the€keyboard€again.€€ÌThe€Queen€spoke.€Ìà ? à'Greetings,€Balidare,€you€are€far€from€your€home€and€your€Ìtrue€form.'€Ìà ? à'As€are€you',€Balidare€answered€with€perfect€annunciation.€€ÌHis€rich€voice€accustomed€to€tones€of€clipped€imperiousness.€€The€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐQueen€acknowledged€the€truth€of€his€remark€with€a€fleeting€Ìenigmatic€smile€before€continuing.€Ìà ? à'If€you€go€to€the€bar€in€Shepard€City,€you€may€learn€Ìsomething€of€interest.'€Ìà ? àBalidare€turned€with€an€relaxed€indulgent€frown.€it€Ìsucceeded€in€considerably€fiercening€his€already€grim€features.€Ìà ? à'I€have€spent€enough€time€on€this€dead€world€to€have€covered€Ìevery€inch...'€Ìà ? àHis€tone€was€distantly€contemptuous.€€Balidare€was€a€being€Ìwho€had€lived€far€too€long€and€seen€too€much€to€have€anything€left€Ìto€prove€to€anyone.€'....There€is€nothing€of€interest€on€this€Ìmausoleum.'€Ìà ? àThe€Queen€played€to€her€audience,€her€voice€gently€teasing.€€€Ìà ? à'Is€a€way€out€of€this€system€of€interest?€€Across€the€Ìcosmos,€a€new€start,'€Ìà ? àBalidare€was€puzzled€and€yet€intrigued.€Ìà ? à'The€mechanical's€transports€are€no€good€for€interstellar€Ìtravel.€€If€you€don't€know€ships,€they€look€flashy€enough,€but€Ìthey're€only€efficient€for€local€bulk€haulage.€€They€can't€be€Ìupgraded.€€I've€checked.'€Ìà ? àThe€Queen€moved€forward€to€emphasise€her€pay„off€line.€€Her€Ìgrin€was€beatific€as€she€whispered€with€overdone€innocence.€€€Ìà ? à'Who€said€anything€about€ships?'€Ìà ? àAs€she€vanished,€she€left€behind€words€that€hung€in€the€air€Ìlike€Balidare's€music.€Ìà ? à'Go€to€Shepard€City.€€You€have€nothing€to€lose€but€time.'€Ìà ? àBalidare€did€not€take€long€to€make€up€his€mind.€€Time€was€an€Ìold€enemy.€€When€you€had€lived€as€long€as€he,€you€did€not€fear€Ìdeath€or€any€danger.€€The€real€terrors€were€the€empty€minutes,€the€Ìendless€parade€of€weary€and€wearying€seconds.€€The€Queen€had€been€Ìright.€€He€had€nothing€to€lose€but€a€minute€piece€of€hated€Ìcontinuance.€His€life€had€become€like€that€of€Mankind€on€Mars€„€no€Ìfuture€but€a€sterile,€tedious€decay€on€this€unnaturally€Ìresuscitated€red€planet.€Deciding,€Balidare€began€to€pack€a€few€Ìmost€treasured€belongings€into€a€small€metallic€case.€€His€compact€Ìfigure€moved€like€a€1930's€film€gangster,€full€of€pent„up€vigour.€Ìà ? àAs€he€worked€and€folded€with€fastidious€precision,€he€vainly€Ìtried€to€avoid€thoughts€of€a€past€time;€a€time€that€seeped€out€of€Ìhis€unconscious€like€some€insidious€creeping€poison.€Once€before,€Ìhe€had€been€offered€a€way€out€of€this€system,€but€then€had€come€Ìthe€sin;€a€crime€so€great€that€he€had€been€estranged€and€cast€out€Ìby€his€own€kind,€left€marooned€as€a€penance.€€Even€now€he€was€Ìunclear€whether€the€sin€had€been€born€of€loathing,€of€love€or€just€Ìthe€perpetual€fatigue€of€loneliness.€Unbidden,€his€mind€framed€an€Ìagonising€picture,€his€father's€stricken,€haunted€face€as€he€had€Ìsilently€disowned€his€only€son€and€turned€to€the€ship.€€"NO!€it€Ìwas€too€much."€€He€thrust€aside€the€memories,€rebinding€them€Ìsecurely€and€forcibly€into€the€deepest€part€of€his€subconscious.€Ìà ? àWith€one€sharp€movement,€he€closed€the€metallic€case€and€his€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðaccess€to€the€gloating€past.€€Walking€out€into€the€freezing€thin€Ìair,€he€looked€down€from€his€lofty€unassailable€position€halfway€Ìup€Olympus€Mons,€the€largest€volcanic€mountain€in€the€Solar€ÌSystem.€€Even€his€eyesight€could€not€pick€out€the€pathetic€distant€Ìspeck€that€marked€the€location€of€Shepard€City€and€what€might€be€a€Ìnew€future.€Ìà ? àWith€a€sigh€freezing€on€his€lips,€Balidare€started€down€over€Ìthe€towering€sheer€cliffs€and€bottomless€chasms.€€As€he€went,€Ìleaving€behind€his€many€years€as€a€solitary€hermit,€albeit€a€well„Ìscrubbed€one,€he€mutely€gave€thanks€for€the€invention€of€thermal€Ìunderwear€and€anti„gravity€boots.€Ì€Ì€ÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€had€to€admit€it€to€himself;€his€thoughts€on€toilets€and€a€Ìmultitudinous€selection€of€other€mundane€subjects€were€just€an€Ìevasion,€an€escape,€partly€from€the€pangs€of€hunger€that€were€Ìrunning€rampant€in€spiky€boots€through€his€insides,€and€partly€Ìfrom€examination€of€recent€events.€Ìà ? àWill€was€not€used€to€deprivation€of€any€kind€and€after€Ìroughly€thirty€hours€in€transit.€€He€felt€too€weak€even€to€Ìcontinue€moaning€and€complaining€to€Sulphur.€€He€was€having€his€Ìfirst€experience€of€what€real€belly„aching€was€like,€thinking€back€Ìwith€saliva„drenched€longing€to€his€regular€bowl€of€tasteless€Ìyellow€nutrient€and€vitamin„enhanced€pap.€€Will€was€not€to€know€Ìthat€his€presence€and€the€lack€of€intransit€edibles€were€directly€Ìrelated€to€each€other.€€COMS€was€proud€of€its€energy€efficiency€Ìand€allowed€just€enough€fuel€for€the€transport's€journey.€€ÌUnfortunately,€Will€and€Sulphur's€last„minute€appearance€had€upset€Ìthe€fuel/load€ratio€and€something€had€to€go.€That€something€was€Ìthe€inflight€GRUB€machine€provided€for€a€stowaway's€use.€€It€was€Ìblatant€logical€contradictions€like€this€that€could€give€rise€to€Ìthe€feeling€that€COMS€were€not€as€clever€as€they€thought€they€Ìwere.€Ìà ? àSulphur€levelly€returned€his€companion's€fixed€gaze€at€his€Ìhindquarters.€€He€took€note€of€Will's€conspicuous€drooling€and€the€Ìslightly€desperate€look€in€his€eyes€before€feeling€compelled€to€Ìpoint€out€that€a€Personification's€behind€was€constructed€of€a€Ìparticularly€toxic€and€inedible€form€of€synthetic€hide.€Ìà ? àWill€glumly€subsided€at€this€news€and€Sulphur€as€glumly€Ìconsidered€him.€€This€was€the€man€that€had€agreed€to€undertake€an€Ìunknown€horde€of€dangers€and€privations,€and€yet,€he€had€been€Ìreduced€to€thoughts€of€eating€his€only€friend€because€of€a€minor€Ìlapse€in€his€calorie€intake.€€It€was€obvious€that€Will€had€a€lot€Ìto€learn€about€a€life€without€accustomed€comforts€and€privileges.€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ̀ÌÌÌÌÌ€ÌThe€dust€storm€had€been€instantaneous.€€A€constant€feature€of€life€Ìon€Mars,€ferocious€freezing€winds€stirred€the€red€iron€oxide€dust€Ìup€into€a€frenzy,€sand„papering€the€landscape.€Ìà ? àThe€solitary€mine€entrance€was€obscured€and€buffeted€by€the€Ìstorm.€One€of€the€first€excavations€to€be€abandoned,€there€still€Ìlurked€life€in€its€lower€regions,€far,€far€underground.€Down€in€Ìthose€depths,€the€clamorous€vibrations€of€the€inclement€weather€Ìwere€replaced€by€another€loud€and€throbbing€rhythm.€A€blaring€tune€Ìplayed€at€brain„numbing€volume€seemed€to€try€to€pound€the€Ìsubterranean€rocks€into€submission€and€every€now€and€then€a€Ìtrickle€of€dust€weeped€from€the€ceiling€over€the€precariously„Ìplaced€joists,€as€if€pleading€for€an€end€to€its€torment.€€Such€Ìdust€was€soon€ground€underfoot€by€the€hectic€intoxicated€movements€Ìof€a€pair€of€grubby€trainers.€Ìà ? àThe€cavern€that€was€the€source€of€this€din€looked€like€it€Ìhad€been€host€to€a€wild€party€given€in€honour€of€a€rampaging€mob€Ìof€compulsive€litter€louts.€There€just€had€to€be€no€other€Ìexplanation€for€the€confusion€of€the€mess€or€the€monumentality€of€Ìits€proportions.€€To€simply€call€the€place€a€dump€would€be€an€Ìunderstatement€indicative€of€chronic€idiocy.€Ìà ? àEverywhere€there€was€junk,€or€what€looked€like€junk.€Stained€Ìand€negligently€discarded€clothing,€food€packaging€and€empty€beer€Ìcans€filled€every€inch€of€the€floor,€sometimes€to€an€improbable€Ìdepth.€Every€nook€was€filled€with€refuse€and€even€some€of€the€many€Ìever„glowing€video€screens€were€partially€obscured€as€they€poured€Ìforth€a€mindless€diet€of€grotesque€game€shows€and€banal€action€Ìfeatures€carefully€saved€from€the€past.€Ìà ? àIn€the€middle,€the€solitary€author€of€this€chaos€gyrated€Ìwonkily€on€top€of€small€mound€of€garbage.€As€the€song€came€to€an€Ìand,€she€burped€heavily,€offering€serious€competition€to€the€Ìblasting€sound€level.€€Then€a€new€noise€started.€€Her€frenzy€Ìincreased€as€she€casually€tossed€an€empty€beer€can€over€a€petite€Ìshoulder,€consigning€it€to€the€grave€of€its€many€thousand€Ìdiscarded€predecessors.€Within€seconds,€a€new€can€appeared€as€if€Ìby€magic€in€her€thin€delicate€fingers.€Ìà ? àHer€mouth€opened€eagerly,€guzzling€the€amber€liquid,€and€she€Ìstarted€to€sing.€€Her€sweet€musical€voice,€made€for€the€softest€of€Ìballads,€was€distorted,€made€raucous€by€ill„use€as€it€screamed€in€Ìoff„key€accompaniment€to€the€deafening€lyrics.€Ìà ? à'Planetoid€mass!!!€€You're€totally€crass.€Red€Martian€sky,€Ìf**k€off€and€die.'€Ìà ? àThe€Queen€made€her€usual€impressive€appearance€and€went€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðtotally€unnoticed€by€the€dancing€figure.€€Up€on€Deimos,€several€of€Ìthe€Thingy's€finely„tuned€eardrums€started€to€bleed.€Ìà ? à'Greetings€Grendella.€€You€are€far€from€your€home€and€your€Ìtrue€form,'€the€Queen€bellowed€without€response.€€'I€said,€ÌGREETINGS...'€Ìà ? àUnused€to€being€ignored,€Sharon€vented€her€majestic€Ìdispleasure€with€an€impatient€flick€of€a€transparent€finger,€and€Ìthe€loudest€music€system€in€the€galaxy€exploded€showily.€€Queen€ÌSharon€was€momentarily€halted€by€the€fact€that€the€volume€controls€Ìof€the€video€screens€also€seemed€permanently€welded€to€maximum,€Ìtheir€vocal€circuits€locked€into€a€riotous€sing„along€with€the€Ìdefunct€audio€blitzkreiger.€€However,€she€had€learned€to€think€Ìfast,€and€one€by€one,€with€a€snap,€fizzle€and€crack,€the€screens€Ìwere€likewise€dispatched€to€fuse„wire€heaven.€Ìà ? àAmidst€the€resultant€dust€and€the€angry€buzzing€of€the€Ìterminal€tellies€the€merry€tinkling€voice,€of€the€small€female€Ìcalled€Grendella€could€be€heard€exclaiming.€Ìà ? à'FAAAARRRRR€OOOOOUUUUTTTT!'€Ìà ? àAfter€a€while,€the€swimming€fog€of€disturbed€particles€Ìcleared.€€Ìà ? àGrendella€stood,€poised€for€action,€all€appearance€of€Ìdrunkenness€gone,€the€beer€can€discarded€from€fists€that€were€Ìcurled€to€react€with€maximum€force.€Ìà ? à'Don't€you€know€how€to€knock?'€She€said.€Ìà ? àThe€Queen€nodded€towards€the€smoking€electricals.€Ìà ? à'Lets€just€say,€my€arrival€was€announced.€€You€are€far€from€Ìyour€home€and...'€Ìà ? à'I€don't€need€cab€fare.'€Ìà ? à'If€you€go€to€the€bar€in€Shepard€City,€you€may€find€Ìsomething€of€interest.'€Ìà ? à'Listen,€spook;€I€don't€know€what€kind€of€weird€holograph€Ìdoc€cooked€you€up,€or€why€you're€here...'€Ìà ? à'I€am€neither€a€spook€or€a€holograph,'€came€the€haughty€Ìneedled€response.€Ìà ? à'That's€as€maybe...'€Grendella€could€recognise€a€good€Ìpan„dimensional€being€when€she€saw€one,€and€was€just€being€Ìannoying€because€she€enjoyed€it,€shrugged€before€continuing.€'I€Ìcan€always€find€something€of€interest€in€a€bar.€€What€makes€this€Ìone€special?'€Ìà ? àThe€Queen,€who€was€starting€to€develop€something€of€a€way€Ìwith€a€parting€line,€gave€this€reply€as€she€vanished.€Ìà ? à'Put€it€this€way......'€A€wispy€arm€remained€to€wave€in€the€Ìdirection€of€the€blasted€machinery.€€'What€else€are€you€going€to€Ìdo€for€entertainment?'€ÌÌÌ€ÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇGrendella€reluctantly€conceded€that€the€Queen€had€a€point.€She€Ìmade€her€mind€up€quickly,€partly€helped€by€the€fact€that€a€move€Ìwas€definitely€imminent,€not€to€say€pressing.€Ìà ? àWhen€one€had€developed€slobbish€behaviour€to€such€a€peak€of€Ìgrubby€perfection,€the€inconvenience€of€moving€home€became€dwarfed€Ìto€amoebic€size€when€compared€with€the€trauma€induced€by€the€Ìthought€of€doing€something€as€desperately€unbalanced€as€attempting€Ìto€tidy€up.€Ìà ? àHowever€before€moving€she€would€have€to€change€clothing,€Ìeven€Grendella€was€forced€to€admit€that.€€Her€current€apparel€had€Ìmatured€with€a€rich,€pungent€ripeness€that€transported€it€beyond€Ìthe€limits€of€any€sort€of€normal€society€equipped€with€nostrils.€Ìà ? àIt€was€with€real€pain,€both€physical€and€mental,€that€she€Ìundressed.€Mental,€because€having€worn€the€threadbare€outfit€for€Ìsome€months,€there€was€a€feeling€of€a€bond€with€the€fabric.€€ÌPhysical,€because€the€accretion€of€a€month's€grease€and€sweat€had€Ìmade€that€bonding€a€reality.€€After€much€pulling€and€straining€and€Ìthe€sacrifice€of€several€layers€of€skin,€she€stood€naked.€Ìà ? à"Well!"€she€thought€as€she€took€stock€of€her€dirt„bronzed€Ìphysique€and€the€devastated€surroundings,€"I€know€I'm€a€major€Ìscuzz€bucket,€but€I€really€over„achieved€this€time."€Perhaps€it€Ìwas€because€she€had€lived€alone€too€long.€€Meeting€new€people€Ìcould€be€therapeutic.€€If€so,€there€would€have€to€be€concessions€Ìto€good€citizenship€and€a€certain€amount€of€courageous€self„Ìsacrifice€on€her€part.€€All€her€high„toned€thoughts€boiled€down€to€Ìone€unpleasant€realisation:€she€would€have€to€take€a€bath.€€There€Ìwas€no€way€to€avoid€it,€once€she€had€confessed€to€herself€that€Ìdisrobing€had€only€dealt€with€a€fraction€of€her€personal€hygiene€Ìproblems.€Ì€ÌÌÌÌÌÌ€ÌAfter€prolonged€rooting€about€amidst€the€junk€beneath€her€feet,ÌGrendella€located€a€tee„shirt€and€pair€of€jeans€that€had€withstood€Ìthe€ravages€of€her€service€better€then€most.€€This€is€to€say€that€Ìthey€had€mostly€avoided€being€stained€into€the€appearance€of€a€Ìwork€of€pop€art€by€their€owner's€carelessness€in€applying€Ìcondiments€and€sauces.€Ìà ? àShe€scooped€up€the€clothing€and€tossed€it€with€hasty€Ìdisregard€into€a€worn€bag,€along€with€several€beers€and€other€Ìessentials€for€a€journey,€and€ventured€downward,€moving€through€a€Ìseries€of€caves€that€bore€the€tell„tale,€after„party€look€of€her€Ìhabitation.€Ìà ? àBeyond€these€caves€lay€the€lower€regions€of€the€mine.€€ÌNarrow€tunnels,€cold€and€forbidding,€with€here€and€there€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðscattered€calcium€remains€of€various€mining€fatalities,€human€Ìskeletons€providing€grisly€evidence€of€the€dangers€that€were€Ìpresent€when€one€mixed€greed€and€an€inhospitable€location.€Ìà ? àGrendella's€small€feet€were€sure€as€she€made€her€way€through€Ìan€absolute€clinging€darkness.€€She€moved€as€if€the€tunnels€were€Ìher€natural€habitat€and€inheritance.€€Her€wide,€long„lashed€hazel€Ìeyes€had€no€need€of€artificial€illumination€as€she€probed€even€Ìdeeper,€past€the€boundaries€of€human€life„signs€and€past€many€Ìweird€and€wonderful€natural€rock€formations,€through€tiny€spaces€Ìthat€seemed€closed,€even€to€one€of€her€gamin€proportions.€Ìà ? àThe€journey€purposefully€continued€to€its€intended€Ìconclusion,€and€at€€last,€she€stood€in€a€huge€cavern.€€The€cavern€Ìwas€like€some€great€aquatic€amphitheatre,€with€a€performance€in€Ìprogress.€€The€space€was€alive€with€tinkling€liquid€music€as€Ìhundreds€of€droplets€of€water€fell€hundreds€of€feet€from€the€high€Ìrocky€ceiling€into€a€magnificent€lake€that€plunged€down€to€unknown€Ìdepths€as€it€covered€the€cavern's€floor.€€This€natural€Ìhydrographical€symphony€had€remained€unheeded€for€millennia,€Ìuntouched€and€unseen,€a€liquid€resource€that€had€developed€over€Ìmillions€of€years€into€the€largest€body€of€water€in€the€nocturnal€Ìsubterranean€recesses€of€Mars,€into€a€lake€that€was€pure€and€Ìperfect.€Ìà ? àUnconscious€of€the€honour€of€being€the€only€being€in€Martian€Ìhistory€to€stand€upon€this€site,€Grendella's€only€emotion€was€one€Ìof€nervousness.€€She€had€developed€a€theory€in€connection€with€H20€Ìover€the€years.€Whilst€admitting€that€water,€or€at€least€liquid,€Ìwas€necessary€to€life,€she€had€decided€that€cultures€that€got€all€Ìuptight€about€neatness€and€cleanliness€and€regular€washing€were€Ìinvariably€unhappy€and€prone€to€take€out€their€frustrations€on€Ìeverybody€else,€so€to€stay€content,€she€stayed€filthy.€Ìà ? àThis€grunginess€was€part€of€her€personality.€€Despite€an€Ìoutward€appearance€of€being€an€enchanted€delicate€creature€of€the€Ìair,€of€magical€forests€and€spring€meadows.€Grendella€was€of€the€Ìearth,€of€the€soil,€a€large€amount€of€which€covered€her.€€She€was€Ìa€lover€of€the€depths,€of€caves€and€of€dark€underground€recesses,€Ìwith€hydrophobia€that€was€not€born€of€fear€but€of€genuine€dislike.€€ÌHowever,€sacrifices€had€to€be€made€in€the€pursuit€of€adventure€and€Ìentertainment,€and€Grendella€was€a€creature€of€some€bravery€and€Ìwillpower.€€Both€characteristics€which€were€stretched€to€their€Ìlimit€as€she€dived€into€the€frigid€water.€Ìà ? àAs€soon€as€possible,€she€surfaced,€her€teeth€too„firmly€Ìclenched€in€distaste€to€chatter€against€the€burning€icy€cold€as€Ìshe€washed€and€scrubbed€off€the€many€layers€and€months€of€Ìaccumulated€grime,€the€dislodged€muck€insidiously€sending€its€Ìnoisome€tendrils€through€the€water,€fouling€its€purity,€covering€Ìits€surface€with€a€film€of€scum.€As€she€got€cleaner,€Grendella€had€Ìto€change€place€several€times,€turning€each€section€that€she€Ìinhabited€into€an€evil€smelling€swamp.€The€many€strange€predators€Ìthat€hungrily€approached€her€form€through€the€increasing€murkiness€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsoon€became€victims€of€the€new€impurity€of€their€environment,€Ìtheir€poisoned€bodies€contributing€to€the€desecration€of€their€Ìhabitat.€Ìà ? àEventually€she€was€finished.€€Emerging€from€the€violated€Ìlake,€Grendella€momentarily€assessed€her€reflection€in€the€dark€Ìmirror€of€its€surface.€€Despite€the€surrounding€cloaking€Ìblackness,€the€deep€pools€of€her€pupils€clearly€took€in€every€Ìdetail.€Ìà ? àShe€was€fair€and€slender,€small€breasted,€almost€childlike.€€ÌHer€body€was€fit€without€a€hint€of€over€developed€hardness€and€Ìmuch€practice€had€replaced€her€people's€heavy„footed€method€of€Ìmovement€with€the€light€fluidity€of€a€dancers.€Hr€hair€was€short,€Ìblondish€with€a€hint€of€ginger,€falling€over€ears€that€were€Ìdelicately€pointed.€€Her€eyes€were€large,€with€an€amused€twinkle€Ìand€a€slightly€exotic€slant,€her€nose€was€aquiline,€her€lips€thin,€Ìher€teeth€small,€strong€and€even.€€She€was€like€a€fairy€waif,€a€Ìdit€of€a€dot,€tiny,€about€four€feet€high,€but€perfectly€Ìproportioned.€€Having€shed€the€cloaking€layers€of€grime,€she€was€Ìrevealed,€like€a€rare€gem€plucked€from€manure,€as€a€creature€of€Ìbrightly€beautiful€appearance€and€just€like€a€gem,€such€beauty€hid€Ìa€deceptive€strength.€Ìà ? àWith€a€final€derisive€snort€at€her€reflected€image,€she€Ìturned,€quickly€dressing€in€jeans,€trainers,€and€a€tee„shirt€Ìalmost€two€centuries€old€that€read:€"Relief€For€USA€„€End€American€ÌFamine€Now."€Lastly,€she€pulled€on€a€red€leather€baseball€jacket€Ìof€similar€vintage,€a€souvenir,€emblazoned€across€the€back€with€Ìthe€name€and€creed€of€a€band€she€had€once€appeared€with€"The€Slime€ÌGirls€From€Hell€„€Strumpets€with€Attitude."€Ìà ? àWith€a€final€glance€towards€the€lake,€a€brief€mental€shudder€Ìand€silent€cry€of€€NEVER€AGAIN,€Grendella€exited€the€cavern€and€Ìbegan€the€long€journey€upwards€towards€the€surface,€and€to€Shepard€ÌCity.€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌÌÌÌWill€had€made€a€discovery.€€Space€was€"Bloody€freezing!"€ÌCOMS€had€made€concessions€to€stowaways€but€heating€was€not€one€of€Ìthem.€€Will's€grey€utility€suit€was€designed€for€a€temperate€Ìclimate€and€the€human€quivered€rather€like€a€plate€of€pap€in€an€Ìearthquake,€fear€and€emergence€from€shock€adding€their€own€special€Ìimpetus€to€the€chilled€conditions.€€Fatigued,€famished€and€at€a€Ìlow€ebb€after€three€days€in€transit.€Will€felt€petrified€by€the€Ìunexpected€future€and€dismayed€by€what€he€perceived€as€a€parade€of€Ìpast€empty€years.€All€his€life€he€had€sensed€that€he€was€a€Ìmediocrity,€squandering€precious€minutes€wholesale€on€mindless€Ìroutine.€Living€through€videos€and€books,€he€had€longed€for€an€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðescape,€for€a€chance€to€emulate€his€heroes€and€heroines,€never€Ìconsidering€what€such€a€chance€would€mean.€€Vivid€as€they€were,€Ìthose€heroes,€those€stylised€champions€of€the€spirit€were€as€fake€Ìas€a€Dickensland€muffin.€Ìà ? àReality€meant€feeling€scared€and€uncertain.€€Will€knew€that€Ìhe€would€have€to€find€some€sort€of€formula€to€shield€his€fragile€Ìsense€of€self„worth.€€After€some€thought,€he€realised€that€the€ÌQueen€had€perhaps€provided€the€key.€€She€had,€after€all,€engaged€ÌHeroics€INC.,€and€it€was€Heroics€INC.€that€she€would€get.€The€Ìbusiness„like€approach€was€the€answer;€maybe€he€could€even€get€Ìsome€stationery€and€business€cards€printed.€€If€Will€could€not€be€Ìa€convincing€hero,€perhaps€he€could€rise€to€the€challenge€of€ÌChairman.€€Ìà ? àComforted€by€visions€of€himself€as€some€sort€of€rising€Ìintergalactic€executive,€Will€even€managed€a€smile.€€Pausing€to€Ìthink€of€Sulphur,€he€wandered€if€personifications€ever€Ìcontemplated€their€navels,€even€though€they€did€not€have€one.€Ì€ÌÌÌÌÌ€Ìà ? à"It€happened,€my€systems€were€functioning€correctly€and€I€Ìwitnessed€it.€Therefore,€it€happened."€Ìà ? àFor€even€a€basic€system,€the€experienced€past€was€easy.€€ÌSulphur€readily€accepted€and€dismissed€the€unconventional€events€Ìthat€had€brought€him€to€this€place,€but€the€future€was€proving€a€Ìlittle€more€tricky.€Ìà ? àHis€circuits€were€designed€to€be€incapable€of€lapses€of€Ìnerve.€After€all€the€worse€thing€that€could€happen€on€a€personal€Ìlevel,€was€the€throwing€of€a€switch.€€However,€Personifications€Ìhad€been€provided€with€a€basic€level€of€self„preservation,€one€Ìbolstered€by€daily€contact€with€human€paranoia€about€mortality,€Ìand€Sulphur€was€experiencing€a€slightly€odd,€dysfunctional€Ìfeeling.€€As€the€sensation€rarely€existed€outside€biological€life„Ìforms,€he€was€to€be€forgiven€for€not€recognising€it€as€Ìtrepidation.€Ìà ? àThe€dragon,€like€the€many€millions€of€circuits€that€went,€Ìinto€his€makeup€was€a€part€of€a€machine€society,€a€culture€where€Ìthe€individual€identity€was€part€of€a€rigorously€programmed€whole.€ÌBeing€a€minuscule€cog€in€this€culture€he€had€a€real€sense€of€Ìpower,€of€worth€and€belonging.€Ìà ? àNow,€that€feeling€of€sociable€identity€was€to€be€totally€Ìswept€aside,€replaced€by€a€void€of€uncertainty.€€He€suspected€that€Ìhe€was€soon€to€radically€outstrip€the€boundaries€of€COMS€Ìconsciousness.€€Sulphur's€relatively€short€span€of€"turn„on"€time€Ìhad€mostly€only€equipped€him€to€deal€with€the€most€petty€problems€Ìof€basic€machines€and€life„forms.€Like€Will,€he€felt€the€urge€to€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðseek€some€palpable€form€of€inner€protection€and€searching€his€Ìmemory,€he€eventually€found€it.€€This€comfort€came€from€two€Ìelements€of€personification€programming€regulations:€1)€ÌProgramming€note€66548/236:111€:€Protect€your€human€charge€Ìwhatever€the€situation:€2)€Programming€note€66533/178:212:€ÌWhatever€the€limits€of€your€experience,€always€seek€to€widen€your€Ìknowledge.€€Reassured,€he€managed€something€approximating€a€smile.€ÌWrapped€up€in€their€own€musings€and€unaware€of€the€similarity€of€Ìtheir€inner€thoughts.€Will€and€Sulphur€grinned€unseeing€at€each€Ìother€in€the€icy€air.€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌÌÌÌÌThe€Martian€storm€had€finished€its€tantrum€some€time€before.€There€Ìhad€been€a€slight€rise€in€temperature€and€the€distant€sun€was€Ìmaking€a€guest€appearance€in€the€livid€sky.€The€vivid€notes€of€ÌLatin€American€guitar€and€pipe€music,€scampered€playfully€out€of€a€Ìportable€sound€system€and€capered€on€the€dusty€parapet€of€the€Ìgreat€house.€Reclining€with€cat„like€grace€upon€a€sun„lounger,€Ìluxuriantly€enveloped€by€rich€fabrics,€Magda€Mures€reached€out€a€Ìlong€languid€arm€and€brought€a€tall€glass€of€thick€purplish€liquid€Ìto€her€vibrant€red€lips.€€Pausing€to€lift€her€large€black€Ìsunglasses,€she€favoured€the€far€away€solar€orb€with€a€mocking€Ìwink€and€toasting€motion€of€the€glass€before€quaffing€the€fluid€Ìhungrily.€€Her€long€tongue,€supple€and€probing,€passed€over€the€Ìstrong€white€teeth€and€subtly€pointed€canines,€collecting€every€Ìtrace€of€the€delicious€mauve„.staining€substance.€Ìà ? àThe€2082€had€been€a€good€year€for€this€vintage,€it€had€beenÌa€good€harvest€before€the€explosion€in€the€chemical€weapons€dump€Ìwhich€had€spoiled€the€crop€and€erased€Peru€from€history.€Its€taste€Ìwas€full€bodied,€robust€and€vigorous,€her€one€remaining€bottle€Ìclosely€guarded€for€a€special€occasion.€€But€something€Ìinexplicable€and€pressing€had€prompted€its€opening€today.€€Magda€Ìmade€a€point€of€listening€to€her€inner€voices,€it€was€a€habit€that€Ìhad€kept€her€alive€for€over€nine€hundred€years€and€she€responded€Ìimmediately€to€the€expectant€tension€in€the€air€around€her.€Ìà ? àQueen€Sharon's€arrival€was€welcomed€by€a€courtly€Ìgenuflection,€an€indication€of€Magda's€high„born€East€European€Ìorigins.€€The€Queen€returned€the€greeting€with€a€smile,€aware€that€Ìthe€gesture€masked€a€high€degree€of€fierce€alertness€on€the€Ìother's€part.Ìà ? à'Am€I€expected?'€Ìà ? à'I€had€expectations€of€something.'€Ìà ? à'If€you€go€to€the€bar€in€Shepard€City,€you€may€find€Ìsomething€of€interest.'€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'What€could€be€of€interest€on€this€world€of€the€dead?'€ÌThe€Queen's€smile€rippled€enigmatically€as€she€faded€away.€Ìà ? à'Old€friends€and€new€challenges...'€ÌIntrigued.€The€East€European€grinned€wolfishly,€and€went€to€change€Ìout€of€her€swimsuit.€Ì€ÌÌÌÌÌ€ÌMagda€was€used€to€leave„taking.€€After€packing€a€few€of€her€finest€Ìvintages€for€emergencies,€she€wandered€round€the€sumptuously€Ìexquisite€home€she€had€created€amidst€the€cold€red€rocks.€Ìà ? àModelled€out€of€those€very€rocks€to€resemble€the€stern€Ìcastles€of€her€homeland,€for€many€years€it€had€stood€alone€on€the€Ìforlorn€plain,€at€once€a€beacon€and€a€spider's€web€to€the€curious€Ìand€incautious.€The€rough€miners€that€had€visited€had€marvelled€at€Ìthe€medieval€hangings€and€the€startling€profusion€of€fine€pieces€Ìfrom€many€ages€and€cultures,€before€being€sent€away€with€weakened€Ìtread€and€fuzzily€enshrouded€memories€as€the€price€of€their€stay.€Ìà ? àAt€last€she€paused€in€front€of€the€magnificently€ornate€Ìmirror€that€dominated€the€great€entrance.€€Reflections€were€Ìanother€thing€that€mortals€were€thankfully€wrong€about.€€Magda€Ìtenderly€fingered€the€locket€that€draped€around€her€alabaster€Ìneck,€containing€soil€from€a€far€distant€homeland,€as€she€took€Ìstock€of€herself.€Ìà ? àHer€form€was€tall€and€unnaturally€pale,€clothed€in€loosely€Ìclinging€sumptuous€dark€fabrics€that€revealed€only€the€long,€Ìnarrow„fingered€hands€with€dagger€sharp„nails€and€the€austerely€Ìthin€beautiful€face€surrounded€by€masses€of€hair,€tresses€tied€Ìback,€that€fell€in€a€shining€column,€as€dark€and€straight€as€an€Ìancient€Egyptian€queen's.€Her€eyes€were€also€dark,€like€damp€Ìpebbles€in€the€moonlight€and€wonderfully€lively,€her€nose€as€Ìnarrow€as€those€spiteful€nails,€with€luscious€lips€of€bursting€Ìscarlet€fullness€and€very,€very€strong€teeth.€Ìà ? àIt€was€no€good;€the€Vamp€look€was€just€too€old„fashioned.€€ÌIt€was€time€for€a€new€image.€€She€would€have€to€change€during€the€ÌJourney.€€Her€lips€parted€in€an€expectant€smile€as€she€picked€up€Ìher€bag€and€put€on€her€sunglasses.€Ìà ? à'Here's€to€good€hunting.'€Ìà ? àWith€one€fluid€motion€she€emptied€a€goblet€of€its€darkly€red€Ìcontents€and€then€carelessly€hurled€it€across€the€chamber.€With€Ìthe€sound€of€shattered€crystal€still€tinkling€in€the€air.€€€Magda€ÌMures,€Vampir,€turned€and€left,€€enroute€to€Shepard€City.€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌTo€the€accompaniment€of€a€garbled€belch€of€Vesuvian€proportions,€Ìthe€Orange€Thingy's€many€thousands€of€eyelids€snapped€open€in€Ìsimultaneous€surprise.€Ìà ? àIts€numerous€drooling€lips,€startled€and€gaping,€spat€forth€Ìsearing€globbits€of€acid€across€apace,€branding€great€new€craters€Ìinto€the€surface€of€the€Mare€Fecundis,€the€Thingy€having€Ìmomentarily€relocated€to€the€south€east€quadrant€of€the€moon.€Ìà ? àThe€Thingy's€plentiful€sobs€were€soundly€smacked€by€a€Ìcombination€of€incredulity€and€disbelief€at€the€realisation€that€Ìit€had€actually€lapsed€into€a€doze.€€The€whole€thing€was€just€a€Ìmeasure€of€how€brain„crumblingly€dull€this€system€was.€€In€Ìcomparison,€watching€paint€dry€with€the€Aquanis€was€thrilling,€Ìedge„of„the„seat€stuff,€and€Aquanis€decorators€took€forever.€After€Ìall,€they€were€an€undersea€culture.€Ìà ? àThe€Thingy€perked€up€and€looked€around€hopefully€Maybe€it€Ìhad€missed€something,€but€no,€it€felt€the€disappointment€course€Ìthrough€its€multi„contorted€form€almost€immediately.€€There€was€Ìthat€stupidly€pathetic€transport,€plodding€laboriously€on€its€Ìtiresome€journey.€Just€approaching€the€asteroid€belt€which€had€Ìlong€ago€been€collected€to€ring€the€Martian€civilisation€as€a€Ìbristling€moat€against€intruders.€€Over€the€years,€the€belt's€Ìprotective€weaponry€had€lapsed€into€inactivity,€as€lifeless€as€the€Ìremains€of€its€creators,€allowing€interlopers€to€travel€as€they€Ìwished.€Ìà ? àNow,€a€final€indignity€was€about€to€be€heaped€upon€these€Ìsolemn€lumps€of€galactic€masonry,€for€the€Thingy€had€decided€that€Ìit€was€time€to€introduce€an€element€of€playfulness€into€the€Ìproceedings.€€With€the€thought€came€the€deed€and€the€asteroids€Ìwere€instantly€metamorphosed€into€a€assortment€of€objects€that€Ìwere€very€strange€indeed.€Ìà ? à"There!"€Thought€the€Orange€Thingy€with€a€self€satisfied€Ìinternal€chuckle,€"...This€should€be€interesting!"€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌLife€was€fast€and€furious€in€the€Star€Corps€but€even€the€space„Ìweary€eyes€of€Major€Buck€Chandler€(alias€one€very€wonky€transport€Ìauto„piloting€mechanism,)€had€never€seen€anything€like€it.€This€Ìwas€a€worthy€challenge€indeed.Ìà ? àOf€course,€Buck€knew€that€it€had€to€be€the€work€of€every€Ìdecent,€apple„pie„eating€being's€sworn€enemy;€the€fiendishly€nasty€ÌTolgan€empire.€€Those€monsters€would€stop€at€nothing,€but€even€the€Ìpilot€at€its€most€hallucinogenic€had€never€imagined€anything€quite€Ìthis€odd.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àBuck€took€rapid€evasive€action€as€a€bar€of€soap€the€size€of€Ìan€Alp€floated€by,€closely€followed€by€an€equally€hulking€fish€Ìfinger.€All€around€the€ship,€astonished€ex„asteroids€assumed€a€Ìbewildering€array€of€strange€new€guises:€bicycles,€fruit,€stuffed€Ìmammals,€most€at€least€the€size€of€small€cities,€glided€through€Ìthe€vacuum€like€participants€in€the€premiere€of€some€warped€new€Ìmime€dance€performance.Ìà ? àAfter€a€few€moments,€this€alteration€in€shape€began€to€take€Ìeffect€and€the€assortment€of€changeling€paraphernalia€gradually€Ìstarted€to€drift€out€of€their€accustomed€orbits.€Almost€under€the€Ìnose€of€the€transport,€a€huge€tube€of€toothpaste€brutally€Ìconnected€with€a€mountainous€baseball€glove,€sending€the€mitt€Ìcareering€towards€the€Martian€surface.Ìà ? àFilled€with€the€arrogant€confidence€of€the€Star€Corps€elite,€Ìthe€addled€auto„pilot€switched€off€its€protective€force„field,€Ìdeciding€that;€"If€a€risk€was€worth€taking€it€was€worth€taking€Ìwithout€a€net."€€Buck€was€going€to€show€the€Tolgans€what€the€Corps€Ìcould€do€under€pressure.€€He€tensed€his€firm€non„existent€jaw€line€Ìinto€an€imaginary€attitude€of€jaunty€disdain€as€the€ship€began€to€Ìboldly€press€forward€into€the€throng.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa€:€Early€21st€Century,€Mid„July.ÌÌÌÌResponding€to€his€wife's€sleepily€persistent€request€to€"fluff€up€Ìmy€goddammed€pillows",€respectable€suburban€taxidermist,€Casper€ÌTitwilleger,€dozily€punched€out€at€the€last€know€position€of€his€Ìwife's€feather€bolster€and€broke€his€hand.Ìà ? àRising€and€giving€voice€to€his€shock€and€indignation€Casper€Ìthen€tried€to€leap€out€of€his€bed,€took€a€nasty€tumble€and€Ìsprained€his€ankle.€€By€the€time€the€sun€rose,€filling€the€bedroom€Ìwith€much€needed€illumination,€the€Titwillegers€were€in€a€bad€way,€Ìalthough€not€in€as€bad€a€way€as€the€contents€of€their€home.Ìà ? àThe€fragile€dawn€light€revealed€the€absence€of€their€bed,€Ìtheir€pillows€and€much€more.€€Every€familiar€item€of€the€night€Ìbefore€had€vanished,€replaced€by€small€asteroids,€each€Ìcorresponding€roughly€in€size€to€a€departed€item€or€possession.Ìà ? àCasper€did€not€know€what€hurt€worse,€his€ankle,€his€hand,€or€Ìthe€thought€of€explaining€all€of€this,€either€to€his€insurers€or€Ìto€the€Bland€family€from€Hampshire,€England,€who€were€arriving€in€Ìthree€days€for€a€two„week€holiday€home€swap.Ìà ? àThe€Supermarket€tabloids€fall€upon€the€story€of€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ð"Titwilleger's€torment"€like€locusts€upon€grain,€and€an€Ìincredulous€readership€had€the€dubious€pleasure€of€being€spooked€Ìby€blaring€reports€informing€them€that€"Neptunians€want€your€Ìfurnishings",€offering€"a€home€swap€with€a€difference",€€and€even€Ìjoking€about€a€possible€star„studded€movie€"ROCKY€7€:€The€ÌTitwillegers."ÌÌÌÌÌAlmost€three€hundred€years€later,€the€Orange€Thingy€allowed€itself€Ìa€particularly€rancid,€gurgling€snigger€as€the€giant€petrified€Ìform€of€the€Titwilleger's€stuffed€parrot€collided€sickeningly€with€Ìa€colossal€pillow€somewhere€above€Deimos.Ìà ? à"That's€the€way€to€fluff€one€up."€It€thought.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌOn€Deimos,€the€projection€of€Queen€Sharon€had€returned€to€the€Ìputrid€bosom€of€the€Purple€Thingy.€€The€Thingy€immediately€noticed€Ìthat€there€had€been€changes€to€the€asteroid€configuration€since€it€Ìhad€started€its€roundup€on€the€planet.Ìà ? àIt€also,€at€last,€registered€the€presence€of€its€detested€ÌOrange€counterpart,€However,€this€discovery€did€not€cause€undue€Ìalarm.€€It€had€been€expecting€the€mangy,€disreputable€tangerine„Ìtinted€little€spoiler€for€some€time€now.€€Both€Thingys'€had€been€Ìin€multi„coloured€competition€since€before€the€surrounding€Solar€ÌSystem€had€started€to€cool.ÌDespite€the€inferiority€of€the€tools€available€and€the€severe€Ìhandicap€they€presented,€the€Purple€Thingy€had€enough€self„Ìconfidence€in€its€powers€to€let€the€Orange€One€do€its€worse.€If€Ìthe€little€galactic€conjuring€trick€with€the€Titwillegers'€house€Ìcontents€was€anything€to€go€by,€there€was€nothing€to€fear.Ìà ? àPutting€aside€formal€introductions€to€"that€one"€for€later,€Ìthe€Thingy€allowed€itself€a€fleeting€moment€of€satisfaction€with€Ìits€work€so€far.€€Those€chosen€may€not€be€much€but€they€were€the€Ìbest€available€from€a€very€poor€selection.€Things€had€been€set€Ìnicely€in€motion;€it€was€now€time€to€get€that€ultimate€poor€Ìselection€ready€for€landing.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌWill€was€once€again€mulling€over€the€events€of€his€birthday€when€Ìhe€remembered€the€object€hanging€neglected€at€his€side.€€The€sword€Ìhad€been€easy€to€forget.€€The€contract€had€described€it€as€a€Ìweapon,€but€this€seemed€a€very€loose€description€as€it€bore€more€Ìresemblance€to€a€table€knife€with€delusions€of€grandeur.€€A€Ìtentative€examination€had€revealed€it€as€possessing€all€the€brutal€Ìsharpness€of€melted€butter€and€Will€had€quickly€realised€that€he€Ìwould€be€better€armed€a€against€possible€foes€with€an€over„ripe€Ìbanana€in€his€hand.Ìà ? àHe€had€soon€decided€that€the€sword's€function€must€be€purely€Ìdecorative,€a€badge€of€leadership€perhaps;€it€could€have€no€other€Ìconstructive€use.€€Its€ornamentation€was€surely€elaborate€enough€Ìto€grace€any€gallery.Ìà ? àThe€metal€looked€like€highly„polished€silver€but€seemed€Ìlight€as€if€carved€from€balsa€wood.€€The€brilliant€purple€gems€Ìthat€encrusted€the€hand„guard€and€hilt€showed€up€the€stones€Ìimbedded€in€Sulphur's€hide€as€obviously€pathetic€carbon€Ìimitations.Ìà ? àWill€suddenly€found€himself€drawn€to€the€sword.€€He€followed€Ìthe€delicately€incised€lines€of€the€engraving€with€the€light€Ìtouch€of€a€finger,€marvelling€at€the€detailed€workmanship,€at€how€Ìthe€representation€of€hair€coiling€around€the€hilt€seemed€to€have€Ìthe€soft€warmth€of€real€tresses.€€Almost€entranced,€he€traced€the€Ìelegantly€etched€strands€up€to€the€pommel€and€stopped.Ìà ? àHis€brows€drew€tightly€together€in€puzzlement€as€he€peered€Ìcloser€through€the€misted€lenses€of€his€spectacles.€€He€was€sure€Ìthat€this€area€of€metal€had€recently€been€bare€but€it€was€bare€no€Ìlonger.Ìà ? àThere,€atop€the€pommel€rested€the€smooth€outlines€of€a€Ìfamiliar€regal€visage,€a€triumph€of€miniature€perfection.€Will,€Ìseduced€by€its€beauty,€leaned€forward€in€appreciation€of€the€tiny€Ìmetallic€face,€one€so€lifelike€that,€smiling€at€the€conceit,€Will€Ìfelt€that€it€could€almost€wink€up€at€him.€€As€if€to€prove€itself€Ìobliging,€the€little€face€did€just€that,€bringing€down€a€minute€Ìeyelid€in€a€small€but€unmistakable€movement.Ìà ? àWill€was€beginning€to€form€a€conception€of€just€what€a€Ìcurious€place€the€universe€was.€€That€is€why€he€did€not€react€with€Ìan€abundance€of€showy€screaming,€instead,€with€remarkable€self„Ìpossession,€he€contented€himself€with€a€frozen€grimace€and€the€Ìreassuring€thought€that:€"It's€probably€only€auto€suggestion."Ìà ? à"It's€is€nothing€of€the€kind!,"€€a€powerful€feminine€voice€Ìclearly€sounded€in€his€head.Ìà ? àWill€did€not€have€strong€opinions€about€the€hearing€of€Ìvoices,€but€he€was€mindful€that€they€had€done€Joan€of€Arc€no€Ìlasting€physical€good€and€felt€that€they€were€possibly€not€a€Ìwonderful€idea.Ìà ? à"That's€it!€€The€strains€been€too€much.€I've€snapped,€crazy€Ìas€a€psychiatrist's€notebook."€€He€thought,€not€without€a€feeling€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðof€relief,€as€the€DOLE€office€Social€Worker€had€pointed€out.€"If€ÌI'm€mad,€it€would€explain€a€lot."Ìà ? à"This€mode€of€conversation€has€nothing€to€do€with€mental€Ìillness,"€the€female€voice€said.Ìà ? à"It€seems€suspiciously€connected€to€me,"€Will's€internal€Ìvoice€replied.€€"After€all,€spending€three€days€in€a€spaceship€Ìwithout€food,€water€or€heating,€just€so€I€€get€to€experience€a€Ìhorrible€painful€death..."€Ìà ? à"Possible€painful€death,"€the€voice€corrected.Ìà ? à"Whatever.€€It€hardly€seems€lucid."Ìà ? àThe€voice€began€to€get€peevish,Ìà ? à"This€is€irrelevant.€€If€you€don't€clear€your€mind€of€such€Ìdrivel,€we€cannot€proceed."Ìà ? àWill€was€unimpressed.Ìà ? à"You're€only€visiting.€€Try€living€with€it."Ìà ? à"If€you€don't€clear€your€mind€this€instant,€I€will€arrange€Ìfor€you€to€stop€living€with€it...."Ìà ? àThe€voice€took€on€a€cutting€edgeÌà ? à"How€would€you€like€another€visit€to€the€moon?"Ìà ? àAfter€a€brief€period€of€petulant€mental€muttering,€Will€Ìsulkily€subsided€and€the€voice€started€to€talk€business.ÌÌÌÌÌÌSulphur€watched€his€companion€with€an€interest€approaching€Ìfascination.€€The€dragon€had€never€seen€a€face€do€the€Macarena€Ìbefore.€€ÌWill's€features€were€going€through€a€vast€range€of€contortions€not€Ìunlike€the€head€of€a€rubber€puppet€being€put€through€a€mangle.Ìà ? àSomething€was€definitely€up.€Will's€brain€wave€readings€had€Ìalso€suddenly€began€a€lambada.€€Sulphur€had€enough€sense€to€wait;€Ìwhatever€it€was€did€not€seem€harmful.€Curiosity€would€soon€be€Ìsatisfied.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€was€aggrieved.Ìà ? à"I'm€not€satisfied.€€Why€me?"Ìà ? à"Because.€€You€are€the€prime€signatory."Ìà ? àWill€indicated€Sulphur.Ìà ? à"And€him?"Ìà ? àYou€could€almost€see€the€shrug€in€the€Queen's€voice.Ìà ? à"An€assistant."Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àWill€choked€back€his€glee,€wondering€what€Sulphur's€reaction€Ìwould€be€to€hearing€himself€so€designated.Ìà ? à"I€will€converse€with€the€dragon€only€upon€your€death."Ìà ? àWill€suddenly€sobered.Ìà ? à"Charming,€I€get€Sulphur€nagging€me€on€the€outside€and€you€Ìon€the€inside..."Ìà ? à"May€we€proceed?"€€Queried€the€Queen.Ìà ? à"Why€not?€€I'm€not€going€anywhere."Ìà ? à"Well,€actually,€you're€going€to€land€shortly,"€€said€the€ÌQueen€smoothly,€but€there's€almost€nothing€to€worry€about.Ìà ? à"WORRY!!"€Will€exclaimed.€€"What€do€you€mean,€worry?!"ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"No€worries!"ÌMajor€Buck€Chandler€flew€with€devil„may„care€bravado,€Powering€his€Ìcraft€through€the€legs€of€a€ghastly€looking€coffee€table.Ìà ? à"I€could€make€this€baby€waltz€if€I€wanted."Ìà ? àThe€transport€did€a€neat€little€flip,€manoeuvring€with€Ìnimble€precision€for€a€vessel€of€such€lumbering€proportions€as€it€Ìskirted€daintily€round€a€stuffed€Chihuahua.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Titwilleger€always€gave€their€pets€an€A.1€send„off.€€As€ÌCasper's€cable€advertising€pointed€out,€to€the€accompaniment€of€Ìmuch€cloying€music€and€pictures€of€cute€little€creatures€captured€Ìfull€of€life€and€full€of€sawdust:€"Your€loving€companion€hag€been€Ìwith€you€all€of€its€life.€€Now€keep€it€close€for€all€of€yours,€ÌThat€special€friend€can€be€with€you€ALWAYS,€at€rock€bottom€Ìcompetitive€prices.€€Here€at€GONE€BUT€NOT€FUR„GOTTEN,€we€also€Ìoffer€excellent€term„for€trade„ins."ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌLunatic€as€it€undoubtedly€was,€the€auto„pilot€had€hither€to€Ìmanaged€to€restrain€its€more€flamboyant€navigational€impulses,ÌNow€unfortunately,€flushed€with€success,€Buck€started€to€get€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcocky,€engaging€in€a€breathtaking€display€of€dare„devil€twists€and€Ìturns€designed€to€reduce€the€unlocking€Tolgans€to€awe„struck€green€Ìjelly€(rather€than€their€real€appearance,€a€fetching€shade€of€pink€Ìblancmange).Ìà ? àInside€their€storage€area,€Will€and€Sulphur€tumbled€around€Ìlike€gravel€in€an€avalanche.Ìà ? à'This€is€the€last€time€I€fly€economy!'€Will€managed€to€shout€Ìas€he€bounced€off€the€ceiling€for€the€fourth€time.Ìà ? àIt€was€while€looping€the€loop€that€disaster€struck.€€The€Ìdisaster€in€question€being€damage€to€the€transport€rather€than€to€Ìthe€Titwillegers'€wedding€photo,€although€it€was€a€pretty€close„Ìrun€thing.€Casper€and€his€wife,€Blossom's€gruesome€family€grouping€Ìwas€struck€a€glancing€blow€by€a€packet€of€brownie€mix.€€The€photo,€Ìand€the€colossal€gilt€frame€that€housed€it,€impacted€with€the€Ìtransport€as€it€emerged€from€its€seventh€triumphant€circle.€€The€Ìframe€went€through€the€ship's€hull€like€a€keen€razor€through€Ìstubble.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAfter€being€catapulted€off€the€ship's€surfaces€with€the€abandon€of€Ìworld€championship€squash€balls,€Will€and€Sulphur€had€been€more€Ìthen€amply€prepared€for€something€horrible€to€happen.€But€whatever€Ìone€is€prepared€for€in€life,€Fate€has€a€tendency€to€up€the€ante,€Ìand€the€sickening€"crunch"€as€the€frame€struck€still€managed€to€Ìretain€most€of€its€unpleasant€shock€value.Ìà ? àSuddenly,€this€huge€wedding€picture€came€smashing€through€Ìthe€shell€of€the€storeroom.€€They€caught€a€fleeting€surreal€Ìglimpse€of€the€Titwillegers'€grossly„inflated€grimaces€and€at€the€Ìfloating€furniture€far€off€in€the€yawning€blackness.€€Will€had€an€Ìinstant€to€register€that€space€should€not€be€full€of€objet€d'art€Ìbefore€most€of€the€cabin€pressure€was€swept€away.Ìà ? àThe€human€until€this€moment,€still€harboured€doubts€about€Ìwhether€he€really€had€been€transported€to€the€moon.€All€his€doubts€Ìvanished€like€the€air€around€him,€as€he€spent€his€first€fleeting€Ìinstant€of€reacquaintance€with€a€vacuum.Ìà ? àWithout€the€Queen's€protection,€he€started€to€lapse€into€a€Ìmerciful€unconsciousness,€€one€that€would€have€proved€permanent€Ìhad€it€not€been€for€the€dragon's€blistering€reactions.Ìà ? àSulphur€took€advantage€of€the€impact€and€a€slight€slowdown€Ìin€the€ship's€movement€to€magnetise€his€body€and€speedily€anchor€Ìhimself€to€a€wall.€€Next,€he€snapped€out€his€long€scaly€neck€to€Ìits€fullest€extent,€and€with€the€mental€personification€equivalent€Ìof€a€prayer,€reached€desperately€for€his€companion.€€With€amazing€Ìluck,€he€managed€to€just€grasp€a€taut€mouthful€of€utility€suit€as€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐWill's€rapidly€expanding€body€sailed€through€space€towards€the€Ìouter€blackness€of€eternity.Ìà ? àTaking€extreme€care€not€to€puncture€Will's€ballooning€figure€Ìwith€his€wicked€teeth,€Sulphur€clung€on€against€the€tearing€pull€Ìof€what€remained€of€the€escaping€pressure.€€Almost€Ìinstantaneously,€great€automatic€bulkheads€did€their€job,€slamming€Ìheavily€into€place€and€sealing€off€the€chilly€universe€whilst€Ìeager€localised€emergency€systems€sprang€into€action,€filling€the€Ìstore€room€with€delicious,€wonderful,€air.Ìà ? àWill€had€been€lucky;€the€whole€thing€had€only€taken€micro„Ìseconds,€micro„seconds€that€had€seemed€to€last€a€very€long€time.€€ÌHe€was€no€longer€taking€air€for€granted,€drinking€it€in€with€Ìrasping€great€breaths€and€sobbing€with€gratitude€while€Sulphur€Ìgave€thanks€that€some€of€the€ship's€auto€systems€still€worked.Ìà ? àThe€picture€frame€went€on€its€way,€dishing€out€a€second€Ìknock€to€the€stricken€vessel,€this€secondary€impact€greatly€Ìdwarfed€in€force€by€the€first€blow€and€not€of€sufficient€power€to€Ìhole€either€half€of€the€broken€transport,€still€contributed€to€Ìgiving€the€two€sections€a€hearty€boost€on€their€respective€Ìjourneys.Ìà ? àThe€rear€end€of€the€vessel€spun€towards€the€Red€Planet€with€Ìwild€dizzy€abandon,€all€gyroscopic€controls€gone,€like€a€carousel€Ìhorse€on€speed.Ìà ? àHeld€firm€in€the€dragons€jaws,€Will's€limp€body€twisted€Ìbusily€in€the€air.Ìà ? à'I€think€we're€in€trouble,'€he€croaked€groggily.Ìà ? àSulphur's€sarcastic€response€wee€somewhat€handicapped€by€a€Ìmouthful€of€cloth.Ìà ? à'No!€€We're€not€"in€trouble".€€General€Custer€was€just€"in€Ìtrouble"€on€the€Big€Horn,€Tobias€Hengish,€were€just€"in€trouble".€€Ìon€the€Ramburg€Peninsula.€We're€in€BIG€trouble.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Ahhh,€The€exhilaration."Ìà ? àHe€was€free.€Free€of€all€mundane€restraints€and€bonds,€Ìexcept€those€honoured€duties€owed€to€his€love,€the€beautiful€and€Ìvirtuous€Princess€Quarg,€and€his€oath€to€the€Corps.€A€promise€to€Ìbe€honest,€chaste€and€above€all,€to€exterminate€Tolgans€wherever€Ìhe€could€find€them€(and€he€had€a€feeling€that€he€was€going€to€find€Ìloads€of€the€sneaky€little€blighters).Ìà ? àHe€wanted€to€write€it€across€the€heavens:€he€was€free,€He€Ìwas€free.€€HE€WAS€FREE!Ìà ? àIt€was€true.€€Major€'Bonkers'€Buck€Chandler€really€was€free.€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐFree€in€the€sense€that€the€slim€and€slowly€eroding€thread€that€had€Ìtied€the€auto„pilot€to€even€the€most€basic€grasp€of€reality€had€Ìfinally€parted€as€resoundingly€as€the€transport's€severed€halves.€€ÌAt€last€the€pilot€had€gone€absolutely€barking€mad,€as€bananas€as€Ìan€elephant's€breakfast.€The€emergency€engineering€systems€on€the€Ìfront€half€f€the€ship€had€done€their€COMS€designers€proud.€€ÌManaging€to€seal€off€huge€gaps€in€the€hull€and€the€control€Ìsystems.€€The€damaged€fore€section€was€soon€almost€serviceable.Ìà ? àAlthough€it€was€now€only€equipped€with€a€few€piddling€little€Ìpositional€jets,€those€jets€were€more€than€enough€for€basic€Ìmanoeuvring,€equipped€and€fuelled€as€they€were€by€a€revolutionary€Ìemergency€generating€system€designed€to€run€off€whatever€suitable€Ìspace€gases€passed€through€their€filters.Ìà ? àJets€were€unnecessary€at€the€moment,€however.€€The€secondary€Ìbuffet€from€the€framed€likenesses€of€Casper,€Blossom€and€their€Ìcombined€family€"fiends"€had€provided€enough€of€a€kick€to€speed€Ìthe€nose€of€the€ship€on€its€way.€€Had€the€auto„pilot€been€at€all€Ìcompos€mentis,€it€would€have€been€compelled€by€its€programming€to€Ìturn€and€attempt€to€rescue€the€hapless€stowaways€from€the€crippled€Ìstern€half€of€ship.Ìà ? àUnfortunately,€the€damage€done€in€the€crash€to€the€already€Ìseverely€faulty€logic€circuits€had€been€too€great€for€even€the€Ìmost€superior€emergency€measures€to€patch€up.€€Stowaways,€hideous€Ìfurniture,€stuffed€animals€or€ex„asteroids;€none€of€it€mattered€as€Ìthe€buckled€prow€section€spun,€semi„helplessly,€out€of€the€orbital€Ìpull€of€Mars€and€hurtled€away€on€a€heading€to€nowhere€special,€Ìbeyond€the€boundaries€of€the€Solar€System.Ìà ? àFor€the€Star€Corps€Major,€there€was€no€such€drab€reality.€ÌBuck€Chandler€sat€at€the€gleaming€helm€of€a€sparkling€new€ÌStratacharger€Warspite,€its€engines€able€to€leap€an€entire€cosmos€Ìin€a€single€bound.€He€paused,€allowing€a€moment€for€history.€€His€Ìeyes€shining€with€the€thrill€of€it,€as€with€a€rugged€manly€smile€Ìand€with€the€sun€glinting€off€perfect€teeth,€he€started€off.€It€Ìpromised€to€be€an€unparalleled€journey€of€discovery.€€Whatever€Ìcame€he€knew€that:€He€was€going€on€one€hell€of€an€adventure.€€ÌPerhaps,€at€least€for€the€auto„pilot,€it€was€better€that€Ìway.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Purple€Thingy€appeared€on€the€Moon€in€a€furious€toxic€flurry.€€ÌIt€directed€an€accusing€brace€of€tentacles€towards€the€crazily€Ìcanned€stowaways€and€floating€furnishings€as€it€mauvely€snotted.Ìà ? à"I€suppose€you€think€that's€clever!"Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àThe€Orange€One€overacted,€as€usual,€leaping€spongily€into€Ìspace€with€a€putrid€shriek€before€landing€with€near€moon„Ìshattering€force.Ìà ? à"Well!€€I'll€be€wopshotted€with€a€shangwangerlers€joybag!,"€ÌIt€slimed€with€heavy€doses€of€ironic€mock„astonishment.€€"What€are€Ìyou€doing€in€this€system,€you€great€purple€gertwerbler?"Ìà ? à"Same€as€you,"€It€complexly€belched.€"Regretting€the€trip."Ìà ? à"Well€cheer€up,"€€Orange€buoyantly€farted,€rendering€the€Ìmoon's€atmosphere€even€less€breathable€than€usual,€as€it€pointed€Ìin€sticky€triumph€at€the€distant€paralysed€hulk€and€its€relentless€Ìfall€towards€Mars.€"It€looks€like€we'll€soon€be€leaving."Ìà ? àFor€a€moment€they€floated€side„by„side,€eyes€and€tentacles€Ìkeeping€a€wary€distance,€putrescence€orifices€doing€a€little€Ìcautious€exploratory€French€kissing,€an€almost€palpable€mutual€Ìloathing€oozing€in€great€obscene€secretions€out€of€every€pore.€€At€Ìlast,€the€Orange€One€could€keep€silent€no€longer.Ìà ? à"Are€you€not€tempted?"Ìà ? à"Tempted?"€Purple€queried€suspiciously,Ìà ? à"To€help,€to€break€the€universal€protocol€and€save€their€Ìmiserable€lives.€€If€you€can€call€that€living."Ìà ? à"No."€Purple€replied€with€noisome€nonchalance.Ìà ? à"NO!"€Orange€exclaimed€in€a€miasma€of€musty€astonishment,€ÌYou€mean€you're€going€to€do€nothing?Ìà ? à"I€didn't€say€that."Ìà ? à"What€are€you€going€to€do?"€€Orange€pleaded,€its€massive€Ìfetid€bulk€awash€with€corrosive€curiosity.Ìà ? à"I'm€going€to€watch€them€crash."ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌRevolving€smoothly€back„and„forth€in€the€air€like€some€grotesque€Ìexecutive€toy€designed€to€mimic€perpetual€motion,€Will€was€Ìstarting€to€feel€really€sick.€Sulphur€treated€his€groans€with€Ìscant€sympathy;€having€a€mouth€full€of€grimy€utility€suit€rubbing€Ìagainst€one's€gums€and€taste€sensors€was€no€fun€either.Ìà ? àDown€and€down,€swirling€towards€doom€went€the€stricken€stern€Ìsection€of€the€transport.€€It€bounced€briefly€and€raggedly€off€the€Ìrim€of€the€Martian€atmosphere€before€submerging€to€continue€its€Ìrelentless,€plummeting€descent.Ìà ? àAs€it€fell,€the€hulk€picked€up€speed,€starting€to€get€Ìhotter.€€Sulphur€had€something€else€to€complain€about,€being€used€Ìto€intense€heat€only€as€its€author,€but€he€said€nothing.€€As€the€Ìship€plunged€towards€the€surface,€all€thoughts€of€physical€Ìinconvenience€were€forgotten,€as€the€man,€and€the€personification,€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðbonded€in€grim€silence,€awaited€their€fate.Ìà ? àWill,€in€the€last€moments€before€impact,€desperately€tried€Ìto€reach€the€Band€of€Intangibility€on€the€sword's€scabbard.€€He€Ìimagined€it€might€be€less€painful€that€way,€even€though€he€Ìremembered€that€it€had€not€seemed€to€work€on€the€ground.€€The€Ìground€was€a€nuisance;€there€was€too€damn€much€of€the€stuff,€not€Ìthat€it€mattered€anyway.€€Thrown€back€against€the€sizzling€hull€by€Ìthe€building€pressure,€Will's€pinioned€arms€did€not€have€the€Ìstrength€to€move€a€millimetre.Ìà ? àHe€thought€of€his€impending€certain€death€and€realised€just€Ìhow€pointless€it€was.€€The€last€thing€this€rouged€planet€needed€Ìwas€another€splash€of€red€tint.€€He€would€have€laughed€at€this€Ìthought,€if€the€huge€force€of€the€hurtling€fall€had€not€pushed€Ìback€his€lips€and€gums€so€painfully.Ìà ? àAs€the€wreck€plummeted€headlong€into€the€last€few€thousand€Ìfeet€before€impact,€Will€spared€a€last€thought€for€Sulphur,€Ìcompanion€and€confidante€for€so€many€years.€Ìà ? à"I€told€that€scaly€pillock€not€to€get€me€Ìup€on€my€birthday."€Ìà ? àThe€remains€of€the€transport€closed€in€for€a€final€Ìrendezvous€with€the€Martian€surface.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWhen€the€Purple€Thingy€first€appeared€on€Mars,€It€had€paid€little€Ìattention€to€the€"pathetic€little€spacecraft"€that€had€cruised€Ìpast€on€its€travels.Ìà ? àNow€for€the€last€time,€that€ancient,€faltering€Mars€mining€Ìship€skimmed€over€the€Thingy's,€now€vacant,€arrival€site.€Although€Ìconscious€that€this€was€its€final€trip,€it€carried€out€its€Ìfunction€with€no€sense€of€nostalgia,€dutifully€patrolling€the€same€Ìinspection€circuit€as€it€had€for€almost€a€century.Ìà ? àThis€tiny€ship's€sensors€had€catalogued€and€recorded€most€of€ÌHumanity's'€sojourn€on€the€planet;€the€boom€years€when€Phineas€ÌShepard€and€his€peers€had€constructed€their€great€palaces€and€Ìprosperous€mining€colonies,€their€temples€to€personal€wealth€and€Ìpowerful€ego.Ìà ? àHow€quickly€it€had€all€failed;€the€bustling€settlements€Ìreduced€to€haunting€ghost€towns,€the€outlying€grand€mansions€just€Ìas€empty€and€lifeless,€The€poor€had€gone€first,€reasoning€that€Ìonce€COMS€took€over€the€mining€and€closed€the€markets,€there€would€Ìbe€scant€pickings€for€independents.€Sensible€enough€to€realise€Ìthat€their€day€had€passed,€and€that€guaranteed€housing€and€food€on€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐEarth€were€preferable€to€lingering€emptiness€and€hunger€amongst€Ìthe€hated€red€rocks,€they€had€vacated€in€droves.Ìà ? àLeft€behind,€the€wealthy€had€stayed€on€with€a€few€stubborn€Ìretainers,€watching€the€culture€that€they€had€proudly€created,€Ìslowly€die,€clinging€to€riches€and€luxury€that€no€longer€had€a€Ìmeaning€or€a€power€to€impress.€€For€machines€had€no€use€for€money;€Ìeven€their€DOLE€payments€just€a€public€relations€exercise€to€Ìincrease€the€self„respect€of€their€biological€clientele.Ìà ? àEventually€heart„sick€from€loneliness€and€despair,€the€Ìmining€barons€had€all€either€capitulated€or€died€grimly,€clutching€Ìtheir€pointless€mammon.€€They€had€given€over€human€sway€of€the€Ìplanet€to€a€tiny€and€pathetic€trickle€of€stowaways,€refugees€who€Ìhad€arrived€with€high€hopes€but€who€were€soon€discouraged€by€the€Ìharsh€environment€a€COMS€upbringing€had€not€equipped€them€to€deal€Ìwith.€€They€found€out€the€hard€way€that,€however€much€they€might€Ìcomplain€about€being€pampered,€they€could€not€do€without€the€Ìservices€COMS€provided€on€the€home€world.€€They€too€had€made€a€Ìchoice€between€defeated€departure€or€disappointed€death.Ìà ? àThere€was€little€remaining€to€inspect.€€The€beings€contacted€Ìby€Queen€Sharon€pre„dated€the€retinal€identification€system€and€so€Ìwere€not€registered€as€life€forms.€€There€were€a€few€clapped„out€Ìfirst€generation€Personifications€in€Shepard€City,€but€they€would€Ìbe€the€only€inhabits€of€this€world€that€would€be€left€in€a€couple€Ìof€days.Ìà ? àCOMS€had€for€a€long€time€been€running€down€its€mining€Ìoperations€on€the€fourth€planet.€Scientific€advances€and€increased€Ìrecycling€yields€on€Earth€had,€with€every€passing€year,€rendered€Ìthe€existence€of€the€mechanised€mining€force€on€another€world€more€Ìof€an€impracticality.€With€successive€transports,€more€and€more€of€ÌCOMS'€work€force€had€been€withdrawn.€€Now€it€was€time€for€the€Ìfinal€one€to€arrive.€COMS€had€not€publicly€announced€its€Ìintentions€and€it€was€somewhat€ironic€that€Will€and€Sulphur€would€Ìnever€appreciate€just€how€lucky€they€had€been€to€catch€the€last€Ìtransport€bound€for€Mars.Ìà ? àFinally,€the€Mining€craft€approached€the€crowded€site€of€its€Ìbase,€landing€last€in€line€to€be€loaded€for€the€return€journey.€€ÌIn€the€vast€columns€that€stretched€ahead€of€it€were€the€massive€Ìore€drums,€the€drills,€the€diggers,€the€monstrous€containers€Ìhousing€the€dismantled€mining€encampment,€all€programmed€to€begin€Ìa€patient€wait€for€a€vessel€that€was€due€at€any€moment€and€that€Ìwould€never€arrive.Ìà ? àLike€the€stoic€rocks€around€them,€the€machines€began€their€Ìsilent€eternal€vigil€of€the€heavens.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇThe€Orange€Thingy€was€beside€itself€with€grudgingly€putrid€Ìadmiration.Ìà ? à"Those€jammy€so„and„so's."€It€shook€its€multi„contoured€form€Ìwith€slippery€wonderment.€"They're€damned€lucky,€I'll€admit€that,€Ìbut!"€€Orange€bleakly€winked€a€bank€of€rancid€eyeballs€as€it€Ìstarted€to€shift€and€disappear.€"That€luck€has€got€to€run€out€Ìsometime."ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€was€stunned.€€He€just€could€not€believe€it.Ìà ? à'I€just€can't€believe€it.'€He€said€for€the€thirteenth€time.€€ÌSulphur€kept€count€but€remained€silent,€His€XX17€Magatronian€brain€Ìfree€for€once€of€any€sense€of€irritation,€he€convinced€himself€Ìthat€this€lack€of€response€was€just€to€allow€his€jaw€repair€Ìmechanisms€a€chance€to€recover,€but€in€truth,€Sulphur€was€silent€Ìbecause€he€could€not€believe€it€either.€€It€was€pretty€Ìunbelievable.Ìà ? àResolved€to€the€end,€they€had€come€roaring€terminally€out€of€Ìthe€heavens,€unyielding€metal€pitted€against€even€more€unyielding€Ìrocks,€Sulphur's€betting€had€been€firmly€placed€on€the€rocks€to€Ìwin,€when:€"PLAAAAPPP!!!"Ìà ? àWith€a€tremendous€squashy€report,€the€transport€hulk€had€Ìlanded€squarely€in€the€mountainous€grasp€of€a€much€singed€and€Ìbattered€baseball€glove.Ìà ? àMiraculously€saved€from€certain€doom.€Will€had€calmly€donned€Ìthe€Band€of€Intangibility€and€accompanied€Sulphur€to€their€present€Ìposition.€€He€was€in€surprisingly€good€shape;€a€mixture€of€a€last„Ìgasp€localised€defence€by€the€emergency€cooling€system€and€heat€Ìresistant€utility€suit€design€had€protected€him€from€a€severe€Ìgrilling€during€the€high€temperature€decent.Ìà ? àNow€they€both€solidly€sat€amidst€the€Shepard€plants€and€red€Ìdust,€open„mouthed€visages€staring€uncomprehendingly€at€the€Ìwrecked€transport€and€colossal€mitt.Ìà ? à'I€just€can't€believe€it,'€Will€mumbled€for€the€fourteenth€Ìtime,€before€trying€something€new,€intrigued€by€the€giant€scrawl€Ìupon€the€treasured€trophy€of€Casper€Titwilleger's€youth.Ìà ? à'Who€is€this€Joe€de€Maggio?'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌThe€Purple€Thingy€was€getting€impatient.€€Ìà ? à"Are€they€going€to€sit€there€forever?"€€Ìà ? àIt€would€have€to€make€contact€via€the€sword€and€get€them€Ìmoving€on€their€way.€€But€first,€aware€of€its€youthful€vows€as€Ìa€Junior€Thingy€Scout,€and€of€the€tattered€"Keep€the€Cosmos€Tidy"€Ìsticker€stapled€to€one€of€its€many€rumps.€It€decided€that€there€Ìwas€a€responsible€cleanup€job€to€be€done.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌ€€ÌLondon,€England:€Early€2lst€Century,€August.€Ì€Ì€€ÌFor€Casper€and€Blossom€Titwilleger,€the€past€week€had€been€the€€Ìworst€of€their€lives.€€The€press€attention,€the€stresses€of€a€€Ìlifetime€of€consumerism€reduced,€literally,€to€rubble,€the€Ìmeetings€with€lawyers€and€insurers,€the€hasty€replacements€of€Ìimmediate€€necessities,€such€as€clothing;€they€had€been€frantic€to€Ìget€away.€€Ìà ? àOpportunity€had€presented€itself€in€the€nerdish€form€of€the€€Ìincoming€Bland€Family€from€Hampshire.€€A€polite€note€left€on€the€Ìdoor€of€the€Titwillegers'€large€Colonial„style€dwelling,€informed€Ìthe€Blands€that,€due€to€unavoidable€last„minute€interior€Ìredecoration€of€chez€Titwilleger;€fully„paid€reservations€had€been€Ìmade€for€them€at€a€local€motel€of€high€standing€and€a€new€Cadillac€Ìhad€been€hired.€The€note€also€pointed€out€that€the€Blands€should€Ìreact€with€a€"jolly€British€stiff€upper€lip"€to€the€many€eager€Ìexponents€of€the€journalistic€art€encamped€en„mass€at€the€bottom€Ìof€the€lawn.€Ìà ? àThe€Titwillegers€had€thus€finally€made€their€escape,€and€€Ìleaving€behind€the€hellish€nightmare€that€their€lives€had€become,€€Ìthey€had€made€their€way€to€England's€romantic,€Olde€Worlde€shores.€€Ìà ? àDue€to€problems€with€insurance,€there€had€been€a€few€forced€€Ìeconomies:€first€class€tickets€had€to€be€downgraded,€no€limo€from€Ìthe€€airport€etc.,€but€compared€to€what€they€had€recently€Ìsuffered,€such€privations€were€minor€annoyances.€Even€the€fact€Ìthat€the€Bland's€€"Dream€Home"€had€turned€out€to€be€a€poky€little€ÌAldershot€semi„detached,€that€the€Bland€family€car€was€revealed€as€Ìa€late€70's€East€German€Trabanth€(purchased€for€slightly€less€than€Ìa€modern€bus€ticket)€and€that€the€laughingly€small€appliance€Ìcalled€a€refrigerator€was€empty;€all€of€this€could€not€mar€their€Ìpleasure€at€escaping.€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àHowever,€they€soon€realised€that€"the€best€T.€V€in€the€Ìworld"€was€over„run€with€Australian€imports€or€American€shows€that€Ìwere€two€years€out€of€date€and,€as€there€were€no€books€on€Ìtaxidermy€amongst€the€Bland's€limited€stocks,€they€decided€to€Ìtravel.€To€this€end,€and€with€hope€of€enchantment€in€their€hearts,€ÌCasper€and€Blossom€had€ventured€abroad€to€seek€the€mythical€green€Ìand€pleasant€land,€all€the€while€befouling€the€endless€rows€of€Ìdrab€Home€Counties€suburban€facades€with€the€noxious€emissions€of€Ìthe€Trebanth,€a€vehicle€that€could€have€given€the€Thingys'€a€run€Ìfor€their€money€in€the€pollution€stakes.€Eventually€exasperated€by€Ìone€breakdown€too€many,€they€had€splashed€out€on€the€hire€of€a€Ìserviceable€electric€Ford€"Autumnal"€and€had€travelled€to€see€the€Ìuntidy€delights€of€England's€capital€€city.€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌLondon€in€August€was€surprisingly€sultry,€almost€tropical€in€€Ìits€humidity.€€Weather€experts€spoke€gloomily€of€the€increasing€€Ìnascence€of€signs€of€global€warming,€whilst€the€great€British€€Ìgardener€ignored€the€droughts€and€hose„pipe€bans€with€blinkered€€Ìimpunity,€arrogantly€intent€on€protecting€their€lovingly„tended€€Ìfloral€borders€from€victimisation€at€the€hands€of€well€intentioned€€Ìlocal€decrees.€€Ìà ? àCasper€and€Blossom€had€risen€early,€suffused€with€the€€Ìpioneering€spirit€of€their€ancestors,€and€decided€to€brave€the€ÌM25.€After€much€wasted€time€spent€entrapped€in€traffic,€moving€at€Ìhalf€the€speed€of€their€forebears'€covered€wagons.€€They€had€Ìfinally€made€it€to€"West€End"€as€the€central€area€of€the€city€was€Ìcalled.€Once€there,€after€forlornly€whiling€away€what€fragment€Ìremained€of€time€gained€from€their€daybreak€departure€in€search€of€Ìthe€semi„legendary€"empty€parking€space",€they€had€gamely€joined€Ìthe€bewildered€multitude€of€sweltering€visitors,€tramping€wearily€Ìamongst€indifferent€local€crowds€from€monument€to€monument,€it€Ìbeing€something€of€a€tradition€on€arrival€in€a€new€capital€to€see€Ìall€the€grand€buildings€that€the€natives€never€bothered€about:€ÌBuckingham€Palace;€the€wide€avenue€of€the€Mall;€Trafalgar€Square,€Ìa€Mecca€for€every€pigeon€with€a€need€to€empty€its€intestines€and€a€Ìgrudge€against€humanity;€past€the€National€Gallery€and€the€book€Ìshops€of€Charing€Cross€Road;€then,€along€Shaftesbury€Avenue,€its€Ìmostly„dark€theatres€almost€as€disappointing€in€their€tawdry,€Ìtraffic„choked€setting€as€Broadway€had€been€before€redevelopment,€Ìnestled€amidst€the€sleaze€of€Times€Square;€onward€to€Piccadilly,€Ìfull€of€neon€billboards€for€Japanese€products€that€looked€€Ìcheap€and€vaguely€ridiculous€in€the€piercing€daylight.€Finally,€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðpausing€for€directions,€they€doubled€back€to€Leicester€Square,€its€€Ìpremiere€cinemas€showing€"new"€releases,€long„forgotten€and€sold€Ìto€digital€cable€back€home.€€Ìà ? àFatigued,€flushed,€triumphantly€sated€with€all€the€"quaint€€Ìculture",€Casper€and€Blossom€stood€queuing€in€Leicester€Square,€€Ìimpatient€for€the€opening€of€the€reduced€price€theatre€ticket€Ìbooth.€€Ìà ? àAs€he€waited€in€line€towards€the€rear€of€a€large€and€wilting€€Ìgroup€of€heat„buffeted€overseas€theatre€lovers,€Casper€acutely€Ìfelt€the€lose€of€his€hand„held€micro„midget€video€camera,€faithful€€Ìrecorder€of€all€momentous€Titwilleger€travels€and€keeper€of€Ìmemories,€a€ubiquitous€companion€that€had€been€transformed€into€a€Ìlump€of€space€granite€although,€with€his€arm€and€leg€heavily€Ìbandaged,€there€was€not€much€that€he€could€have€done€in€the€way€of€Ìstartling€camera€work.€€Ìà ? àBlossom€Titwilleger,€whose€restraint€over€the€past€few€days€Ìhad€been€almost€saintly,€was€beginning€to€feel€a€building€Ìpressure.€A€woman,€not€normally€renowned€for€her€calm€acceptance€Ìof€personal€inconvenience,€the€tedious€duration€of€the€high€Ìtemperature€vigil€was€beginning€to€wash€away€all€trace€of€her€Ìnewly€acquired€humility.€At€last,€she€could€stand€no€more.€€Ìà ? à'CASPER!'€She€bellowed,€sending€most€of€the€queue€Jumping€Ìinto€the€air€in€unrehearsed€unison.€'Get€me€a€goddamned€chair!'€€Ìà ? àIn€Space:€The€Thingy€gratified€its€sense€of€neatness.€€In€€ÌAshton:€The€home€full€of€asteroids€dematerialised,€returning€to€Ìtheir€correct€orbits€and€shapes€above€the€fourth€planet.€€On€Mars:€ÌThe€baseball€mitt€vanished,€sending€the€traumatised€transport€Ìcrashing€into€its€final€resting€place.€In€Leicester€Square:€in€the€Ìbizarre€coincidental€way€of€such€things,€Blossom'€s€strident€Ìrequest€for€seating€was€instantly€answered€with€one€of€a€set€of€ÌTitwilleger€genuine€reproduction€dining€chairs.€€Ìà ? àOn€its€own,€this€would€not€have€been€so€bad;€but€Ìunfortunately,€it€had€been€accompanied€by:€bicycles,€fruit,€Ìstuffed€mammals,€photos€„€all€the€A.W.O.L€possessions€appeared€in€Ìthe€centre€of€the€Square,€balanced€on€a€litter€bin,€all€carefully€Ìarranged€by€the€Thingy€for€the€sake€of€tidiness,€with€large€items€Ìat€the€bottom,€smaller€items€nearer€the€top.€€Ìà ? àThis€column€of€thoughtfully€balanced€goods€rose,€end„on„end,€€Ìout€of€sight€into€the€sky,€dwarfing€the€surrounding€architecture€Ìand€presenting€a€unique€new€hazard€to€air€traffic€controllers.€€ÌA€tee„shirt,€blown€free€of€the€far€distant€pinnacle,€fluttered€€Ìslowly€towards€ground,€watched€incredulously€by€a€square€full€of€€Ìpeople€sharing€a€stunned€moment€of€peace.€€The€shirt€gently€came€Ìto€rest€on€the€head€of€a€bronze€of€Charlie€Chaplin€and€the€calm€Ìwas€shattered.€€As€it€landed,€a€newly„arrived€youth€found€his€Ìvoice€and€used€it€at€full€volume.€€€Ìà ? àð ðFuuuccckkkk€me!€These€publicity€stunts€get€better€every€day!'€€Ìà ? àPeople€rapidly€started€to€react,€moving€closer€or€further€Ìaway€from€the€column,€prompted€in€either€direction€by€their€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðreserves€of€bravado.€€Only€Casper€stood€still,€staring€in€total€Ìhorror.€€Ìà ? à'Its€not€my€fault!'€Blossom€quietly€asserted,€falling€back€Ìin€nervous€dread€before€her€ageing€husband's€fixed€expression.€€Ìà ? àCasper€did€not€even€hear€her,€His€gaze€went€beyond€his€wife€Ìand€the€rising€pile€of€family€treasures,€drawn€in€fascination€to€Ìthe€words€on€a€cinema€hoarding€across€the€square,€they€read:ÌWitchcraft€2€„€The€Curse.€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌ€€ÌA€few€miles€from€Shepard€City:€a€dusty€figure€in€a€battered€€Ìsuit€of€armour,€which€struggled€to€encase€a€girth€of€Falstaffian€€Ìproportions,€moved€rapidly€across€the€rocky€terrain.€€Ìà ? àSir€Bastable€Fitche€„€"most€fair€and€parfait€knight"€„€had€Ìjust€returned€from€a€crusade€against€the€Godless€heathen€Saracen.€€ÌThere€he€had€tilted€with€many€goodly€lords€and€fought€at€their€Ìside€through€much€weary€slaughter.€Now€he€had€turned€his€attention€Ìto€the€redemption€of€a€knight's€most€profound€oath,€a€promise€Ìforged€in€the€heat€of€battle.€€He€was€committed€to€that€most€holy€Ìof€quests,€the€search€for€the€Grail.€€Ìà ? àConscious€that€time€was€running€cut,€Sir€Bastable€€spurred€Ìon€his€noble€steed€to€greater€efforts;€his€armoured€legs€increased€Ìtheir€furious€peddling€and€the€ruined€old€bicycle€moved€even€Ìquicker,€its€warped€wheels€crazily€bumping€their€tyre„less€rims€Ìinto€faster€and€more€eccentric€forward€orbits,€the€rusty€metal€Ìframe€bucking€like€a€bronco€as€it€jumped€over€the€Martian€Ìboulders.€€The€knight€knew€that€he€had€to€locate€the€Grail€by€Ìnightfall.€€If€he€did€not€return€to€the€bar€before€then,€his€ÌSquire€would€be€furious.€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMerlyn€was€beginning€to€suspect€that€he€was€no€longer€in€€ÌWessex.€He€had€been€journeying€for€some€considerable€time€in€the€€Ìgloomy€daylight,€not€pausing€to€take€shelter€from€the€tempestuous€Ìred€€dust€storms€that€had€frequently€assailed€him.€If€this€vile€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðdesert€was€all€that€remained€of€his€once€green€homeland,€then€Ìsomething€demonic€and€evil€had€taken€hold€of€that€land,€something€Ìthat€dwarfed€the€petty€enchantments€of€his€likely€enemies.€€Ìà ? àHis€foes€had€been€long€dead€or€departed€when€he€had€started€Ìhis€rest;€he€remembered€the€wanderings€that€had€followed€the€end€Ìof€Kinata's€reign,€the€demise€of€his€ancient€culture€and€the€Ìrising€worship€of€the€Christ,€the€arrival€of€the€Saxons€and€the€ÌNorsemen.€Ìà ? àHe€had€been€so€tired,€SO€despondent,€How€long€had€the€spell€Ìlasted?€How€long€had€he€slept?€€A€hundred€years?€€Surely€not€more€Ìthan€that.€Merlyn€halted;€it€was€time€that€he€found€out.€€Ìà ? àMuttering€rhythmically,€Merlyn€raised€a€long,€rune„clad€arm€€Ìabove€his€head€and€great€rippling€bolts€of€power€shot€forth€into€Ìthe€air.€€For€a€moment€he€stood€transfixed,€as€wave„upon„wave€of€Ìpure€energy€distributed€themselves€throughout€the€planets€Ìatmosphere€and€beyond.€At€last,€drained€and€exhausted,€he€stopped,€Ìtottering€slightly€as€he€waited,€senses€full€of€eager€suspense.€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAcross€the€surface€of€the€planet,€the€Thingy's€Chosen€Ones€had€Ìstopped€to€register€and€admire€the€wizard's€dazzling€pyrotechnic€Ìdisplay.€€Unsurprised,€armed€with€the€feeling€that€more€strange€Ìevents€seemed€imminent,€Balidare,€Grendella€and€Magda€filed€the€Ìdisplay€into€a€mental€drawer€marked€"portents",€before€Ìrecommencing€their€respective€Journeys€towards€the€derelict€city,€Ìall€reassured€slightly€that€perhaps€it€was€not€just€a€wild„goose„Ìchase€after€all.€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€and€Sulphur€were€also€unfazed€by€Merlyn's€magic,€mainly€€Ìbecause€they€did€not€notice€it.€€They€had€been€dealing€with€other€€Ìpressing€matters.€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌWill€was€scandalised.€€Ìà ? à'What€do€you€mean,€dig€a€hole?'€he€exclaimed€in€tones€of€Ìshock€and€outrage.€€Ìà ? à'What€I€said.'€Sulphur€replied,€undaunted€by€the€human's€€Ìbluster.€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'So,€you're€saying€that,€if€I€want€to€go€to€the€toilet,€I€Ìhave€to€dig€a€hole€with€my€hands,€excrete€in€the€hole€and€then€Ìcover€it€up?'€€Ìà ? à'That's€about€right.'€Sulphur€agreed.€€Ìà ? à'But€it's€monstrous!€€Where€are€the€waste€disposal€systems?'€€€Ìà ? à'There€are€none,€They're€a€product€of€COMS.€€Not€a€product€Ìof€nature.'€The€dragon€spoke€in€a€deadpan€voice€that€hid€an€inner€€Ìstruggle€to€conceal€the€sense€of€"I€told€you€so"€triumphant€relish€€Ìthat€his€circuits€busily€signalled.€'You've€been€moaning€for€Ìdecades€that€this€is€what€you€wanted,€life€without€machines€Ìnannying€you€to€death.'€€Ìà ? à'But,'€said€Will,€his€distasteful€grimace€a€picture€to€Ìbehold,€'I€never€thought€it€would€be€so€„€squalid.'€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Wizard's€enchantment€had€delighted€one€other€witness.€€€ÌClosest€to€Merlyn's€position,€Sir€Bastable€had€been€almost€Ìchildishly€enraptured€by€the€mystical€fireworks,€convinced€that€Ìthey€were€a€clear€sign€from€God,€indicating€the€Grail's€location€Ìto€his€goodly€servant.€His€little€fat€armoured€legs€pumped€the€Ìpedals€of€the€creakily€protesting€bicycle€with€tireless€Ìdedication,€powering€it€across€the€red€dust€at€manic€speed.€€Ìà ? àAfter€over€an€hour€of€such€pace,€the€knight€neared€his€goal.€€€ÌSir€Bastable's€sense€of€anticipation€was€all„consuming,€visions€of€€Ìthe€Holy€Chalice€closed€off€all€else,€blinding€him€to€his€€Ìsurroundings.€€The€sudden€appearance€of€Merlyn€in€his€path,€and€Ìthe€terrific€impact€as€the€knight€hit€the€wizard,€was€therefore€€Ìcompletely€unexpected.€€Ìà ? àAs€he€picked€himself€up€with€all€the€dignity€that€someone€€Ìknocked€into€a€horizontal€heap€can€muster,€Merlyn€muttered€a€Ìstring€of€archaic€oaths€that€probably€would€have€been€unprintable€Ìif€they€had€been€at€all€comprehensible.€€Ìà ? àSir€Bastable€did€not€understand€a€word€that€was€said,€but€Ìhad€not€liked€their€tone.€€The€battered€knight€righted€himself€Ìinto€a€warlike€pose,€struggling€to€lift€his€frozen€visor.€€Ìà ? à'Zounds€Sir!'€Bastable€coldly€uttered,€freeing€the€visor€and€€Ìpointing€dramatically€at€the€fallen€bicycle.€'Yonder€lies€my€€Ìwar„horse,€Leonidas.€€He€is€the€finest€destrier€in€all€Christendom€Ìand€I€must€warn€you€that€ye€will€pay€dearly€if€he€has€suffered€Ìharm.'€€Ìà ? àAs€if€to€illustrate€the€point,€Bastable's€incredibly€full€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwhite€moustache€spilled€forth€from€the€confines€of€the€helmet.€€ÌThe€moustache€bristled€with€indignation,€then€followed€the€Ìbristling€with€a€rumba€and€a€neat€little€two„step,€it€was€a€Ìbeautiful€mover.€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€gazed€at€the€rotund,€red„faced€little€knight€with€Ìreal€puzzlement.€€He€had€been€walking€along€minding€his€own€Ìbusiness,€when€suddenly,€out€of€nowhere€the€dusty€armoured€figure€Ìhad€appeared€mounted€on€the€strange€contraption€and€bowled€him€Ìdown.€The€mystic€was€unaware€of€any€possible€changes€in€greetings€Ìetiquette€during€his€slumber,€and€so€stayed€his€initial€murderous€Ìinclinations.€€Perhaps€this€crashing€into€visitors€was€some€new€Ìcustom.€€It€was€to€be€hoped€that€it€was€not;€there€was€only€so€Ìmuch€wear€and€tear€that€even€a€wizard€could€take.€€Ìà ? àHowever,€Merlyn€was€concerned;€something€was€wrong.€€He€Ìspoke€all€contemporary€dialects€and€idioms€but€this€being,€Ìalthough€definitely€a€man€in€appearance,€seemed€to€converse€in€Ìgibberish.€Surely€language€had€not€changed€so€much€In€a€hundred€Ìyears€or€so?€Merlyn€decided€to€act.€€He€moved€slowly€forward,€arms€Ìspread€wide€to€indicate€peaceful€intentions.€€Ìà ? à'Greetings.€€I€wish€you€no€harm,€Where€am€I€?...€Ancient€€ÌBriton,€Pict,€Celt,€Saxon,€Norse,€Greek,€Hebrew,€Latin.€etc.,€Ìetc.,€etc.€For€some€time€and€with€real€patience€Merlyn€tried€all€Ìthe€languages€that€he€knew.€€All€met€with€the€same€blank€response€Ìfrom€the€knight,€€Ìà ? àSir€Bastable€was€aware€that€some€saintly€hermits€could€€Ìundertake€the€speaking€of€tongues.€€Was€this€curiously€imposing€€Ìfigure€such€a€man?€€His€speech€certainly€made€no€sense,€or€Ìperhaps,€had€the€jolt€of€the€impact€just€been€too€much.€He€shook€Ìhis€head€in€bewilderment,€aware€that€he€did€not€have€the€mental€Ìcapacity€for€such€weighty€matters.€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€finally€gave€up.€€He€was€obviously€getting€nowhere.€€€ÌAlthough€drained€and€weary€after€the€immense€exertions€involved€in€€Ìhis€recent€enchantment,€the€wizard€realised€that€he€would€have€to€€Ìperform€another€act€of€magic.€€Ìà ? àReaching€into€his€robes,€Merlyn€pulled€forth€his€most€Ìtreasured€possession;€a€compact€little€black€volume.€Not€for€him€Ìthe€showy€ostentation€of€some€huge,€outmoded€and€dusty€Grimoire,€Ìor€bloodstained€collection€of€runes€designed€for€sale€to€dumb€Ìamateurs.€No,€Merlyn€was€a€busy€working€wizard€and€needed€a€Ìworking€tool:€he€used€a€òòò òFil„a„Hex.€€óóó óÐ º' #' ÐÝ‚ÿÿÿÝÔ& Ì ÔÓ  ÓÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ  ÔÔ  ÔÔUKUK.,ÔÝ  ÝÔ  Ôà ? àQuickly€he€leafed€through€the€pages€until€he€found€what€he€€Ô  YÔÐ £(ó#( ÐÝ‚ÿÿÿoXhaveÝÔUK.,UK.,ÔÔ  ÔÔ  ÔÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ'Ì£(XÔÓ  ÓÝ  Ýwanted€under€LINGUISTICS.€€He€closed€his€eyes,€muttering€the€Ð ‰)Ù$) Ðwords,€quivering€his€hands.€The€beat€and€the€tempo€built,€the€Ìmovements€and€voice€becoming€more€urgent€accordingly.€Suddenly€Ìthere€was€a€strong€breeze€where€before€there€had€been€none€before.€ÌFor€a€moment,€the€Magician€was€cloaked€from€Sir€Bastable's€gaze€by€Ìa€cloud€of€windswept€red€dust€that€formed€into€a€mini„hurricane€Ìaround€his€plaid„clad€figure.€€Then€it€was€over.€€Ìà ? àAs€the€dust€cleared,€Merlyn€lay€still€on€the€ground.€€Sir€€Ð Ó/#+0 ÐBastable€approached,€all€thought€of€the€Grail€cleared€from€his€Ìmind.€This€person€was€interesting.€€Ìà ? à'Are€you€all€right?'€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€stirred.€€He€sat€up,€a€beaming€triumphant€smile€Ìlighting€up€his€grim€features.€€Ìà ? à'Fine€thanks,'€he€replied,€speaking€the€same€tongue€as€Sir€€ÌBastable€with€perfect€fluent€ease,€'a€little€tired€perhaps,€but€it€€Ìworks.€€I€can€still€do€it€„€I€can€still€perform€a€linguistic€spell€€Ìwith€the€best€of€them.'€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMerlyn€did€not€know€just€how€right€he€was.€€In€fact,€he€was€€Ìseverely€understating€the€case.€€His€spell€had€been€more€Ìsuccessful€than€he€could€imagine.€It€may€have€just€have€been€that€ÌMerlyn€was€a€bit€rusty€after€his€long€rest,€or€it€may€have€been€Ìthat€he€just€plain€underestimated€the€force€needed€to€get€the€Ìresult€required,€but,€whatever€it€was,€the€spell€had€dramatically€Ìoverachieved.€€Ìà ? àEVERYTHING€on€the€planet,€biological€being€or€not,€had€been€€Ìabruptly€empowered€with€the€ability€to€understand€any€language€Ìspoken€or€shown€to€them.€€Nothing€was€left€out:€rocks,€doors,€Ìtables€„€all€could€comprehend,€all€equipped€with€a€power€acquired,€Ìmainly€without€their€knowledge,€a€skill€that€was€to€have€its€uses€Ìfor€some.€In€an€instant,€the€motley€crew€of€life„forms€on€Mars€had€Ìbecome€as€unlikely€a€bunch€of€inadvertent€linguists€as€it€was€Ìpossible€to€find.€€Even€the€few€surviving€creatures€swimming€in€ÌGrendella's€lonesome€bathing€pool€were€affected,€imbued€with€the€Ìcapacity€to€communicate€in€anything€from€Serbo„Croat€to€Swahili,€Ìbut€sadly,€like€most€of€the€lipless€rocks€and€plants,€neglected€Ìand€totally€forgotten€in€their€subterranean€watery€world,€they€Ìwould€never€get€the€chance€to€try€it€out.€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€French€kissing€had€been€worthwhile,€even€though€the€Ìhorrific€remembrance€of€the€Purple€Thingy's€bad€breath€was€a€Ìterrible€price€to€pay€for€knowledge.€€The€mind€probe€sensors€that€Ìthe€Orange€Thingy€had€inserted€at€the€end€of€its€tangerine€tongues€Ìhad€done€their€job.€€It€had€learned€of€Queen€Sharon€and€of€her€Ìround€up€of€likely€heroic€suspects.€€Ìà ? à"Two€can€play€at€that€game."Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àIt€was€the€Orange€Ones€turn€to€put€in€an€appearance...€Ìor€appearances.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Martian€miners€and€COMS€had€left€little€that€would€Ìsurvive€long€against€eternity.€€Already€their€settlements€and€bases€Ìshowed€signs€of€dusty€decline,€even€the€holes€in€the€ground€left€by€Ìtheir€excavations€would€one€day€disappear.€There€was€one€legacy€Ìthat€was€more€robust,€however.€€The€huge€underground€gravity€Ìenhancement€and€atmospheric€heating€complex€was€self„repairing.€The€Ìtitanic€machines€would€go€on€forever,€churning€out€an€Earth„type€Ìgravity€and€warming,€to€bearable,€the€freezing€Martian€climate€Ìpossibly€long€after€their€original€Terran€inspiration€had€Ìdisappeared.Ìà ? àCOMS€had€decided€against€the€removal€of€this€atmospheric€Ìapparatus€because€its€parts€were€out€of€date€and€its€functions€were€Ìunnecessary€on€Earth.€€The€machines€would€remain€as€a€monument€to€Ìthem,€and€they€were€certainly€that:€Monumental.ÌWill€did€not€stop€to€admire€COMS€handiwork,€as€he€bent,€Ìmumbling€and€grumbling€in€the€shadow€of€the€atmosphere€machines€Ìcolossal€surface€vents.€He€concentrated€on€digging€a€hole€with€much€Ìill„grace€and€in€the€foulest€of€moods.€€Having€been€shocked€and€Ìalarmed€by€the€realisation€that€his€future€probably€contained€no€Ìwaste€disposal€systems,€Will€had€then€gone€through€a€nasty€couple€Ìof€hours,€struggling€to€control€his€need€to€give€in€to€normal€Ìbodily€functions.Ìà ? àAfter€a€while,€however,€the€pain€had€become€too€great.€€He€Ìhad€dispatched€Sulphur€to€a€point€some€distance€away€and€was€unable€Ìto€rid€himself€of€the€uncomfortable€notion€that€the€dragon€had€Ìdeparted€with€a€smirk.Ìà ? àWith€the€hole€completed,€Will€anxiously€struggled€out€of€his€Ìutility€suit€and€squatted€on€his€haunches.€€Satisfaction€and€relief€Ìcoursed€through€him€as€nature€took€its€course.€€It€was€then€that€Ìhis€mother€appeared,€or€at€least,€she€looked€exactly€like€his€Ìmother'€if€you€discounted€her€marked€orange€tint€and€the€fact€that€Ìshe€was€see„through.Ìà ? àWill€smiled€nostalgically€at€the€distantly€remembered,€jolly€Ìmischievous€face,€the€long€blonde€hair€and€the€Rubenesque€Ìproportions€that€filled€the€utility€suit.€€Then€he€remembered€what€Ìhe€was€in€the€midst€of€finishing.Ìà ? à'Why€do€these€things€always€happen€to€me?'€He€groaned€as€he€Ìstruggled€to€hide€his€nudity€and€situation€behind€the€hastily€Ìgrabbed€utility€suit.Ìà ? à'Hello,€Pumpkin,'€she€said.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Hello,€Mother,€It's€great€to€see€you€and€all€that.€€It's€Ìjust€that,€I€wondered€if€you€would€mind€coming€back€a€little€bit€Ìlater.€€You€see,€it's€a€bit,€no,€it's€VERY€inconvenient€at€the€Ìmoment.'Ìà ? àWill's€mother€did€not€seem€bothered€by€his€predicament.Ìà ? à'My€son,€I'm€dead.'Ìà ? à'DEAD!€€That's€just€like€you€mother€„€break€things€gently.'€Ìà ? à'I€have€come€back€from€beyond€the€grave€to€give€you€some€Ìadvice.'Ìà ? à'Why€bother€now?€€You€didn't€when€you€were€alive.'Ìà ? à'You€have€recently€been€involved€in€something€totally€Ìoutlandish.'Ìà ? à'REALLY,€mother!€€I€would€have€thought€that€my€bodily€Ìfunctions€were€my€own€affair,'Ìà ? à'You€have€been€visited€by€a€Purple€Queen.'Ìà ? à'Oh,'€Will€subsided€behind€his€utility€suit,€'that!'Ìà ? à'Listen€to€me€carefully€Will.€I€have€something€important€to€Ìtell€you€about€your€visitor.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌSimultaneously,€the€sales€pitch€that€followed€was€repeated€Ìwith€customised€variations€all€across€the€planet.€€The€packaging€of€Ìthe€Orange€Thingy's€ethereal€messengers€was€about€as€disparate€as€Ìit€was€possible€to€get.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌSulphur's€visitation€was€in€the€shape€of€Will,€but€not€the€Ìnormal€version.€€This€was€definitely€the€mega„deluxe€model,€Will's€Ì"better€self"€as€it€pompously€announced,€driving€home€a€difference€Ìthat€was€glaringly€apparent.€The€utility€suit€of€the€Will€„€Mark€2€Ìwas€impeccable€as€was€his€grooming,€with€not€a€hair€out€of€place.€€ÌHe€presented€a€perfect€and€shining€example€of€COMS€breeding.€€It€Ìwas€all€that€Sulphur€could€do€not€to€scream.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMerlyn€was€confronted€by€the€familiar€form€of€Kinata,€the€Ìguardian€and€ruler€of€his€adopted€people.€€The€reunion€initially€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðhampered€by€Sir€Bastable's€stream€of€questioning€chatter.€ÌFortunately,€to€keep€him€quiet,€the€Thingy€arranged€for€the€Ìtemporary€appearance€of€a€gag€and€Merlyn€continued€the€meeting€with€Ìhis€splendid€looking€regal€visitor€in€peace.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMagda€Mures€was€cordially€greeted€by€Vlad€Tepes,€ruling€Ìprince€of€Wallachia,€scourge€of€Turk€and€Boyar€alike,€It€had€been€a€Ìlong€time,€but€she€would€recognise€the€wily,€psychotic€little€runt€Ìanywhere.€Magda€was€never€over€sentimental€about€ex„lovers.€€Time€Ìhad€a€way€of€healing€emotional€scars€and€there€had€been€quite€a€few€Ìmore€interesting€romances€over€the€years,€although,€transparent€or€Ìnot,€he€was€looking€surprisingly€well€for€someone€who€had€been€dead€Ìfor€over€nine€hundred€years.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌBalidare's€apparition€had€lived€for€millions€of€years€and€Ìheld€many€grand€positions€during€his€stay€on€Earth,€Governor€of€ÌAtlantis€having€been€only€the€first€of€them,€but€names€did€not€Ìmatter.€€The€only€title€that€Balidare€cared€about€was€a€very€simple€Ìone:€Father,ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAlthough€these€appearances€were€all€remarkable,€it€was€with€ÌGrendella€that€the€Orange€Thingy€really€excelled€itself.€€Not€one,€Ìnot€two,€but€three€leather€clad,€pistol„packing€performers,€"The€ÌSlime€Girls€From€Hell",€a€trio€of€divas€at€their€most€deadly€and€Ìdesirable,€two€hundred€years€late€for€a€reunion€concert.€€Even€Ìtheir,€most€optimistically€ardent€fan€had€stopped€waiting€at€about€Ìthe€same€time€as€he€or€she€stopped€breathing.€€Grendella€could€not€Ìcare€less;€"The€Slimes"€had€never€been€punctual.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐEach€of€the€new€arrivals€introduced€themselves€in€the€Ìfamiliar€style€of€the€beings€impersonated.€€The€presentation€and€Ìtone€may€have€varied€to€conform€to€personal€taste€but€the€basic€Ìmessage€was€the€same.€€One€trait€that€the€Orange€Thingy€shared€with€Ìthe€Purple€One€was€a€extremely€poor€opinion€of€the€humanoid„type€Ìmentality,€so€it€kept€things€fairly€simple.€€Its€basic€message€went€Ìas€follows:Ì€Ìà ? à'You€have€recently€been€visited€by€an€apparition.€€You€may€Ìnot€know€it€yet,€but€you€are€about€to€be€asked€to€retrieve€an€item€Ìcalled€"The€MADID"€for€this€Purple€Queen.€I€would€advise€you€not€Ìto.€€This€Queen€is€not€a€nice€person.€€Words€like€evil,€nasty€and€Ìspiteful,€cannot€begin€to€describe€the€dark€depths€of€her€perfidy€Ìor€the€wicked€uses€that€she€can€put€the€MADID€to.€I€therefore€ask€Ìyou€for€the€sake€of€the€future€of€the€universe,€and€for€the€sake€of€Ìyour€own€futures,€not€to€give€it€to€her.€€I€ask€you€to€give€it€to€Ìme....'Ìà ? àAt€this€point,€to€their€credit,€the€onlookers€all€Ìindependently€asked€the€same€question,Ìà ? à'Why€not€just€refuse€to€go€?'Ìà ? à'Because,€she€will€only€get€someone€else€to€do€it.€€I/we€have€Ìbeen€sent€as€someone€you€care€for,€sent€to€plead€on€behalf€of€Ìpowers€you€cannot€imagine.€€They€must€have€someone€on€whom€they€can€Ìdepend.€€They€can€offer€no€guarantees€of€their€goodwill,€other€than€Ìmy€appearance€and€promises€of€gratitude.€€It€is€up€to€you€whom€you€Ìdecide€to€trust.€€All€that€they€ask€for€is,€for€you€to€trust€them€Ìwith€the€MADID€and€that€you€do€not€mention€this€meeting€to€the€ÌQueen.€€It€would€be€dangerous€to€do€so.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌThis€little€speech€was,€in€all€cases,€followed€by€an€abruptly€Ìprofessional€disappearance€that€was€designed€to€discourage€any€more€Ìuncomfortable€questions.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Orange€Thingy€returned€to€its€star„spangled€hiding€place€Ìand€its€palpably€loathsome€form,€full€of€self„congratulation.Ìà ? à"That€should€do€nicely!"€It€putridly€preened.Ìà ? àYou€could€not€get€those€strange€humanoid„style€creatures€or€Ìtheir€companion€machines€to€do€anything€if€you€tried€to€force€them.€€ÌBut€tell€them€they€were€making€sacrifices€to€save€the€universe,€Ìthrow€in€some€rubbish€about€good€versus€evil,€a€little€flattery,€a€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsprinkle€of€concern€for€their€welfare,€and€then,€most€crucial€of€Ìall,€appear€to€offer€them€a€free€choice€between€alternatives€and:€Ì"Voila!"€€The€morons€were€yours.€Just€like€any€form€of€marketing€or€Ìentertainment,€it€was€all€a€matter€of€careful€manipulation.€Slowly,€Ìthe€Thingy€uncrossed€the€tips€of€its€myriad€slimy€tentacles.Ìà ? à"That's€the€fibbing€quota€over€for€today."€€It€reminded€Ìitself,€cynically€looking€down€from€its€god„like€prominence€upon€Ìthe€travellers.€"What€fools€they€are."Ìà ? àThe€Purple€One€had€delusions€that€it€was€an€expert€on€the€Ìpsychology€of€these€creatures,€but€Orange€knew€that€the€answer€was€Ìso€deceptively€simple,€It€did€not€need€experts.Ìà ? à"They're€just€a€total€bunch€of€suckers."€It€orangely€Ìasserted,€taking€care€to€reassure€its€own€touchy€tendrils€that€use€Ìof€the€term€"suckers'"€was€not€mean€to€be€tenticle„ist.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€had€tried€to€obtain€some€response€or€comment€from€the€Ìgraven€head€on€his€sword€pommel€but€the€usually€verbose€Ìornamentation€was€silent.Ìà ? à'Just€my€luck,€when€I€actually€need€the€damned€thing,€it's€Ìtuned€to€another€channel.'Ìà ? àWill€petulantly€climbed€back€into€his€utility€suit,€adding€Ìthe€final€lurid€touches€to€a€melodramatic€reworking€of€events€for€ÌSulphur's€consumption.€€The€dragon€did€not€keep€him€waiting€long.€€ÌIt€came€cantering€rapidly€towards€him€on€short€green€legs.Ìà ? à'You'll€never€guess.'€They€both€blurted€out€in€excited€Ìunison,€'What€just€happened€to€me.'Ìà ? àMan€and€dragon€paused€in€surprise,€silently€absorbing€the€Ìknowledge€that€their€experience€had€not€been€unique.€€Sulphur€spoke€Ìfirst,€voicing€the€feelings€of€both€of€them€when€he€said.Ìà ? à'Things€are€starting€to€get€complicated.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€magician,€the€vampir,€the€knight€and€the€others,€all€Ìdoubled€their€pace,€all€fully€aware€that:€"Things€were€starting€to€Ìget€complicated."€All€equally€anxious€to€reach€the€city€and€the€Ìanswers€that€it€seemed€to€hold.ÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌWyart€Earp€threw€down€a€card.Ìà ? à'One!'€The€Wild„West€marshal€said€in€a€gravelly€drawl.€Ìà ? àRichard€the€Third€€of€England€spoke€next.Ìà ? à'Two€Cards,€please.'Ìà ? àThe€elderly€dealer€obliged.€€As€the€group€around€the€table€Ìsilently€studied€their€hands,€the€dealer€saw€his€opportunity.Ìà ? à'Did€I€ever€tell€you€fellas€the€one€about€the€Venusian€that€Ìcrash„landed€in€Central€Park?'€he€brightly€asked.€€Al€Capone€Ìreplied€without€glancing€up.Ìà ? à'Three€thousand,€five€hundred€and€twenty„three€times.'Ìà ? à'So?€€One€more's€not€going€to€hurt€then,'€the€dealer€said,€Ìunabashed€by€the€pain€on€the€faces€of€the€other€players€as€he€Ìpaused€for€a€high€strung€horse„sounding€whinny,€before€dragging€the€Ìstory€out€of€its€well„earned€retirement.Ìà ? à'There€was€this€Venusian€that€crash„landed€in€Central€Park.€€ÌThis€was€some€time€ago€„€the€humans€still€controlled€things€„€a€man€Ìor€a€Venusian€could€still€have€some€fun€without€it€being€a€crime.'Ìà ? àCardinal€Richelieu€glared€up€from€behind€his€cards.Ìà ? à'Will€you€get€on€with€it€and€spare€us€the€sociological€Ìcomment?'Ìà ? àThere€were€murmurs€of€assent€from€the€assembled€onlookers€and€Ìcard„players;€a€liberal€mixture€of€the€reputable,€disreputable€and€Ìjust€plain€saintly.Ìà ? à'If€you'd€stop€interrupting€I€might€have€a€chance€to€get€on€Ìwith€it,"€the€dealer€snapped'Ìà ? à'Three€thousand,€five€hundred€and€twenty„three€times,€Ìgoddammit,€I€think€that...'€Al€Capone€growled.Ìà ? à'SHUT€UP!'€The€dealer€commanded,€snorting€violently.€€The€Ìrestless€assembly€subsided,€resigned€to€just€getting€it€over€with.€Ì'See€what€I€mean,'€€€€the€€€dealer€€€pouted,€€€€'constant€Ìinterruptions.€€You€sure€know€how€to€louse€up€a€guy's€comic€timing.€€ÌNow€where€was€I?'Ìà ? àThe€reluctant€audience€said€nothing,€The€only€movement€in€the€Ìroom€was€the€gentle,€rising€and€falling€motion€of€Richard€the€ÌThird's€hump€as€the€dealer€continued.Ìà ? à'This€Venusian€had€crash„landed.€€It€was€his€first€time€in€a€Ìnew€city.€€At€least€I€think€it€was€a€he;€you€can€never€tell€the€Ìsexual€orientation€of€a€Venusian.€€Anyway,€he€thought€he'd€check€Ìthe€place€out.€€So€he€looks€in€his€Earth€guide€book:€"Venusian€ÌVacations€",€under€entertainment€and€he€looks€up€"What€to€do€if€you€Ìcrash„land€in€New€York€City€on€a€Saturday€Night.€After€all€the€Ìstuff€about€arming€yourself€for€protection,€The€book€says:€"Go€to€a€Ìbar€in€Brooklyn€and€meet€the€locals:€have€a€beer."Ìà ? àSo,€the€Venusian€sets€off.€€Things€are€fairly€quiet.€€He€Ìonly€has€run„ins€with€a€couple€of€muggers€and€they€come€off€worse.Ìà ? àSo,€as€I€said,€this€strange€little€blue€Venusian,€did€I€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðmention€that€he€was€blue?€€Well,€never€mind,€he€was.€This€strange€Ìlittle€blue€Venusian€takes€a€cab€out€to€Flatbush€Avenue.€€The€cabby€Ìsays€nothing€about€the€fact€that€the€Venusian€is€stumpy,€blue€and€Ìrepulsive€looking,€The€cabby's€been€driving€a€hack€in€New€York€for€Ìsome€time.€€He's€used€to€odd€fares€and€come€to€think€of€it,€he's€Ìused€to€some€pretty€odd€cabbies.Ìà ? àAnyway,€the€Venusian€gets€to€Flatbush,€and€he€has€a€bit€of€Ìtrouble€getting€in€to€a€bar.€€There's€some€hassle€about€the€fact€Ìthat€he€doesn't€have€valid€I.D.€to€prove€his€age.€€So€the€Venusian€Ìgets€a€little€depressed€for€a€little€while,€until€he€finds€out€that€Ìyou€don't€really€need€to€worry€about€I.D.€if€you€know€how€to€use€a€Ìsonic€discombooberator€pistol...'Ìà ? àThe€dealer€paused€for€a€chuckle,€a€reaction€unechoed€by€Ìanyone€else€in€the€room,€Completely€unconcerned,€he€neighed€Ìfulsomely€and€continued,€as€much€to€himself€as€to€those€around€him.Ìà ? à'So,€this€Venusian,€persuades€a€doorman€to€let€him€in.€€This€Ìjoint€is€humming.€€The€place€is€packed€wall„to„wall€with€funsters€Ìhaving€a€great€time,€It's€so€full€that€you€couldn't€get€a€shoe€horn€Ìbetween€the€clientele.€€A€band€are€playing,€the€music's€banging€and€Ìthe€atmosphere€seems€to€have€a€life€of€its€own.€€Its€all€kinda€Ìexciting€for€a€small€town€Venusian€and€full€of€anticipation,€he€Ìfloats€over€the€crowd€and€makes€it€to€the€bar.€€Luckily,€people€are€Ìhaving€too€good€a€time€to€worry€about€a€Venusian€pushing€in€and€he€Ìsays€to€the€barman.Ìà ? à"Can€I€have€a€beer€please?"Ìà ? àThe€barman€is€frantic,€He's€never€been€this€busy,€He€shouts€Ìback.Ìà ? à"Get€lost€buddy!€€We€don't€serve€Venusians."Ìà ? àThis€isn't€the€reaction€that€the€Venusian€was€expecting,€so€Ìhe€refers€to€his€guidebook:€Rule€2.€What€to€do€if€the€barperson€Ìrefuses€you?€€Answer:€Order€a€drink€and€offer€the€barperson€one.Ìà ? à"I'd€like€a€beer€please,"€€The€Venusian€says€in€his€most€Ìcharming€voice,€"€...€and€have€something€yourself"Ìà ? à"We€don't€serve€Venusians!"Ìà ? àThe€barman€shouts€back,€adding€this€really€hard€bigoted€stare€Ìto€drive€the€point€home.Ìà ? àSo€much€for€meeting€the€locals,€thinks€the€Venusian€as€he€Ìgoes€back€to€the€guidebook€for€Rule€3:€What€if€the€barperson€still€Ìrefuses?€Answer:€Order€a€drink,€offer€the€barperson€one,€and€one€Ìfor€any€significant€other.Ìà ? à"I'd€like€a€beer€please",€says€the€Venusian€in€a€voice€so€Ìsuave,€it's€almost€sickening.€€"Have€something€yourself€and€I'd€Ìlike€to€buy€one€for€whoever€you're€exchanging€bodily€secretions€Ìwith."Ìà ? àThe€barman€starts€to€get€annoyed€at€this.€He€takes€time€from€Ìall€his€fevered€serving€to€glare€at€the€Venusian.Ìà ? à"Listen,€buddy,€I€don't€know€what€you're€problem€is.€BUT€GET€ÌTHIS.€I€don't€serve€Venusians,€I€don't€drink€with€Venusians€and€Ìneither€does€my€Sue„Anne."Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àThe€Venusian€starts€to€realise€that€the€barman€isn't€exactly€Ìthrilled€about€serving€him,€so,€he€goes€back€to€the€guidebook...'Ìà ? à'Jesus!,'€A€feminine€voice€muttered€with€some€feeling.€Ì'Hasn't€this€guy€heard€of€paraphrasing?'Ìà ? àThe€dealer€sharply€looked€up,€stared€significantly€at€ÌDorothy€Parker€before€re„immersing€himself€in€the€warmth€of€his€Ìstorytelling.Ìà ? à'So€the€guidebook€says:€Answer:€Offer€a€drink€to€the€Ìbarperson,€the€significant€other€and€the€regulars.Ìà ? à"I'd€like€a€beer",€says€the€Venusian,€still€being€polite,€Ìcause€everyone€knows€that€Venus€has€a€very€calm€and€polite€culture,€Ìà ? à"Have€one€yourself,€one€for€Sue„Anne,€if€he's€here,€and€a€round€for€Ìthe€regulars."Ìà ? à"No!"€says€the€barman,€but€he's€not€quite€so€sure€now.€The€Ìman's€greedy€enough€to€think€of€the€money€he€can€make€from€such€a€Ìround.€€So€once€more€the€Venusian€goes€back€to€the€guidebook€for€Ìthe€last€time,€.€.€.'Ìà ? àThe€dealer€tried€to€ignore€the€gale„like€proportions€of€the€Ìsighs€of€relief€around€him.Ìà ? à'The€guidebook€says:€Answer:€If€all€else€fails.€Offer€to€buy€Ìa€round€for€the€entire€bar.Ìà ? àThe€Venusian€pauses€at€this,€and€works€out€that€he€has€enough€Ìhard€cash€to€cover€the€bill.€€He€has€plenty€and€besides,€by€now€its€Ìa€matter€of€principle€so€he€says.€"I'd€like€to€buy€a€round€for€Ìeveryone€in€the€bar."Ìà ? àThe€barman€starts€to€say€no,€but€the€place€is€packed,€that's€Ìa€lot€of€money.€€So€he€caves€in."Ìà ? àThe€dealer€started€to€emit€little€brays€of€sniggering€self„Ìamusement.Ìà ? à'He€spends€forty„five€minutes€serving€triples€to€everyone€in€Ìthe€bar.€€Then€the€sap€adds€the€total€and€says€to€the€Venusian.€He€Ìsays...'Ìà ? àMore€whinnies€of€choked€back€laughter.Ìà ? à'He€says.€"That€will€be€fourteen€thousand,€three€hundred€and€Ìthirty€two€dollars€and€twenty€five€cents."ÌAnd€the€Venusian€says...'Ìà ? à'HAVE€YOU€GOT€CHANGE€OF€A€ZONK?'Ìà ? àAltogether,€the€assembly€chorused€the€long„delayed€punch„Ìline.€€The€dealer's€mouth€flapped€open,€robbed€of€the€delivery,€his€Ìamusement€stifled€and€stolen.Ìà ? à'Oh.€€You've€heard€it.'€He€softly€said.Ìà ? à'Three€thousand,€five€hundred€and€twenty„four€times,'€spat€Al€ÌCapone€from€behind€his€cards.€'Now!€€Which€one€of€youse€guys€wants€Ìto€place€a€bet?'Ìà ? à'I€do.'€replied€the€dealer,€brightening€suddenly€with€a€Ìseries€of€happy€neighs.Ìà ? à'But€first.€Did€I€ever€tell€you€the€one€about...'ÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌÌà ? à"Have€you€got€change€of€a€zonk?€€That's€a€scream,€and€I€mean€Ìthat€most€faithfully.€€Give€that€mortal€a€hearty€clap€of€your€Ìtentacles.€€He'll€go€far,€but€not€far€enough.€€But€seriously,€the€Ìman's€desperately€needed€in€entertainment,€there's€a€terrible€Ìshortage€of€stage€planks..."€On€and€on,€and€on,€it€wittered.Ìà ? àThe€Purple€Thingy€was€starting€to€deeply€regret€changing€its€Ìdart„throwing€tenticle€into€a€Game€Show€host.€€It€toyed€with€the€Ìidea€of€lopping€off€the€offending€protuberance€and€sending€it€into€Ìdeep€space€but€was€cognisant€of€the€amount€of€noise€pollution€that€Ìsuch€an€action€would€cause.€€Instead,€the€Thingy€settled€for€Ìchanging€the€Game€Show€host€back€to€its€original€state.ÌThe€newly€recreated€tentacle€was€just€flexing€and€feeling€and€Ìcongratulating€itself€on€the€success€of€its€"getting€restored€by€Ìthe€use€of€maximum€annoyance"€ploy€when€the€Thingy€neatly€lopped€it€Ìoff€and€hurled€it€into€deep€space.€€Ìà ? àNever€let€it€be€said€or€imagined€that€the€Purple€Thingy€did€not€Ìcover€all€the€bases€when€it€came€to€punishing€transgression.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌNight€had€fall,€shakily€righted€itself€and€balefully€glared€Ìdown€at€the€Martian€landscape,€muttering€and€rubbing€its€bruised€Ìelbows€all€the€while.Ìà ? àIn€direct€proportion€to€the€increasing€gloom€a€strange€Ìradiance€burst€forth€from€the€cover€of€Merlyn's€fil„a„hex,€Ìlighting€the€way€ahead.€€Even€a€magic€book,€however,€could€not€Ìenlighten€Sir€Bastable's€confusion.€€The€bulky€knight€was€Ìexperiencing€an€uncomfortable€clash€of€loyalties€This€new€mystical€Ìcompanion€did€not€speak€much€and€the€few€words€that€he€had€spoken€Ìhad€been€abruptly€contemptuous€of€Sir€Bastable's€garbled€detailing€Ìof€their€location.€€However,€a€goodly€knight€did€not€take€umbrage€Ìat€the€opinions€of€such€an€obvious€stranger.€€Apology€would,€no€Ìdoubt,€shortly€be€made,€once€their€relative€stations€in€life€were€Ìmade€clear.€€The€problem€was€that€the€Knight€was€bound€by€two€Ìoaths;€a€promise€to€his€Squire€to€return€by€night„fall€and€another€Ìto€Alexander€the€Great€to€play€a€game€of€chess.€€It€was€Ìdishonourable,€unheard€of€in€fact,€to€break€a€promise,€and€yet€he€Ìtarried,€fascinated€by€the€mysterious€man€at€his€side,€anxious€to€Ìlearn€more.Ìà ? àAs€the€distance€between€the€travellers€and€the€Knight's€home€Ìshrunk,€the€size€of€his€quandary€increased.€€At€last,€Sir€Bastable€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcould€take€no€more.€€Pausing€only€to€shout,€'The€city€lies€just€Ìover€yon€rise,'€he€rapidly€made€off€in€the€indicated€direction,€Ìmoving€with€startling€speed€for€one€of€such€impressive€girth.€€ÌSquire€Abel€would€need€to€have€advance€warning€of€this€coming.Ìà ? àMerlyn€halted,€slightly€startled€by€his€companion's€abrupt€Ìdeparture.€€Nothing€made€sense;€he€had€been€awake€now€for€some€Ìtime€and€nothing,€not€one€thing,€made€the€slightest€sense.€€He€Ìstruggled€to€remember€whether€they€had€ever€made€sense€in€that€Ìprevious€time.€€He€seemed€to€think€that€they€mostly€hadn't,€but€Ìthings€were€vague.€€He€had€a€slight€recollection€that€this€Ìnonsensical€aspect€of€life,€the€"stuff€happens"€aspect,€had€been€Ìthe€reason€for€his€slumbers.€€He€had€become€more€and€more€confused€Ìby€daily€existence.€Belief€in€magic€had€been€waning€and€most€of€Ìthe€reputable€mystics€had€given€up,€retired.€€But€retired€to€Ìwhere?€€He€anxiously€searched€for€an€answer.Ìà ? à"Mystic€kings,€buzzard€wings,€wizard's€things.€€No!€€Wizard€ÌSprings."€€That€was€it,€he€realised€with€grateful€relief.€They€had€Ìall€retired€to€Wizard€Springs€on€Alpha€Centuri.€The€lucky€so€and€Ìso's€had€all€got€condominiums€at€the€"Runespeakers€Rest".€€The€Ìgood€life.Ìà ? àBut€something€was€unclear.€€Questions€I€were€raised€by€this€Ìrecollection.€What€had€happened€to€his€condo?€€Why€had€he€not€made€the€Ìjourney?€He€struggled€to€pierce€the€cobwebs€that€enshrouded€his€Ìmind.€€Some€things€were€so€clear,€others€so€nebulous.€He€could€not€Ìremember.Ìà ? à"Wait€a€minute!€€That€was€it.€He€could€not€remember."€€Ìà ? àRemember€the€spell.€€The€retirement€benefit€claim€spell.€€The€one€Ìspell€not€in€a€fil„a„hex.€Ìà ? àMerlyn€was€cheered€by€the€knowledge.€€At€least€now€he€Ìremembered€what€he€had€forgot.€€He€had€been€suffering€from€absent„Ìmindedness.€Someone€had€hexed€his€late€night€liquid€pick„me„up,€Ìaddled€his€memory€and€appropriated€the€relevant€spell.€€Merlyn€had€Ìnot€been€able€to€remember€how€to€claim€his€retirement€benefits€and€Ìget€to€Alpha€Centuri.€€That€was€the€reason€why€he€had€chosen€the€Ìelixir€of€sleep,€substituting€one€type€of€rest€cure€for€another.Ìà ? àThe€plaid€enshrouded€druid€looked€around€at€the€red€desert.€ÌIt€was€beginning€to€seem€as€if€he€had€also€been€rather€vague€about€Ìthe€correct€dosage€of€the€resting€spell.€€He€started€to€follow€the€ÌKnight's€deep€footprints,€all€the€while,€as€he€neared€Shepard€ÌCity,€the€wizard€tried€to€recall€who€had€stolen€the€spell.€€But€Ìall€he€got€for€his€pains€was€blankness,€and€an€orange€blankness€at€Ìthat.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Orange€Thingy€chuckled€foully.€It€had€forgotten€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwizard,€about€stealing€the€spell.€€Mind€you,€when€you€have€done€as€Ìmany€awful€and€horrific€things€as€an€Orange€Thingy,€it€was€not€Ìthat€hard€to€forget.€It€had€just€been€part€of€the€Thingy's€Ìgalactic€unfitness€regime:€Do€ten€thousand€unwholesome€things€Ìbefore€breakfast.€€Far€more€satisfying€and€good€for€you€than€push„Ìups.Ìà ? àMerlyn€had€been€only€one€that€morning.€€There€had€been€Ìanother€9,999€pointlessly€evil€or€spiteful€incidences€galaxy€wide;€Ìeasy€to€overlook,€simple€to€accomplish.€€It€had€been€amusing€Ìthough,€and€had€cheered€the€Thingy€up€all€day.€Merlyn,€the€last€of€Ìthe€real€Druid€folk€on€Earth,€had€decided€to€celebrate€his€final€Ìnight€on€the€planet€with€a€farewell€drink,€a€cosmic€cocktail€with€Ìthat€little€extra€Thingy€something,€then€to€sleep€with€a€mind€full€Ìof€brochure€images€and€anticipation.€€The€look€on€the€poor€dolt's€Ìface€when€he€had€awakened€with€no€spell,€no€brochures€and€a€Ìdefective€memory€had€been€worth€treasuring.Ìà ? àWith€fetid€breath€the€0range€One€permitted€itself€an€acid€Ìtinged,€Thingy„style,€happy€sigh,€secure€in€the€knowledge€that,€on€Ìthe€way€to€the€MADID,€there€would€be€many€more€such€hapless€Ìexpressions€to€look€forward€to.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'So,€what€do€you€think?'€said€Will,€abruptly€changing€the€Ìsubject€from€his€lengthy€whinge€about€walking,€tiredness€and€the€Ìsudden€gloom.Ìà ? à'What?'€replied€Sulphur,€caught€unawares,€having€stopped€Ìpaying€attention€several€miles€back€.Ìà ? à'What€sort€of€approach€should€I€have€to€leading€a€group€of€Ìintergalactic€desperadoes...'Ìà ? à'A€cautious€one.€€I€should€think,'€muttered€Sulphur.Ìà ? à'...on€an€adventure?'Ìà ? à'Probably,'€Sulphur€said,€after€brief€but€weighty€Ìconsideration.Ìà ? à'Yes?'Ìà ? à'In€this€case,€definitely.'Ìà ? à'Yessss?'Ìà ? à'Downwind€is€the€best€bet.'Ìà ? à'I€mean€style€of€approach,€Maggot„ronic€brain,'€Will€said€Ìtestily,€'I€fancy€a€sensible€one.'Ìà ? à'Sensible.€You?'€the€dragon€struggled€valiantly€to€remain€Ìdeadpan.Ìà ? à'Yes,€conservative,€corporate€and€businesslike.'Ìà ? à'All€concepts€synonymous€with€your€name.'Ìà ? à'I've€given€it€a€lot€of€thought.'Ìà ? à'Obviously.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àWill€was€oblivious.€€In€a€strange€world€of€his€own,Ìà ? à'It€just€keeps€echoing€in€my€mind.€€Be€businesslike,€be€Ìbusinesslike.'Ì€à ? à"It€would€echo,€with€the€amount€of€space€you've€got€in€Ð b² Ðthere.€€The€acoustics€must€be€great."€€Sulphur€dourly€thought€to€Ìhimself.Ìà ? à'I€think€this€approach€can€only€help€to€make€it€FUN!'€Will€Ìwas€on€a€roll.Ìà ? à'FUN?€€Interesting€choice€of€word€there€Will.'€Sulphur€Ìgrimaced,€staring€straight€ahead.€€The€dragon'€s€weary€shake€of€Ìthe€head€was€purely€mental,€It€grimly€concentrated€on€putting€one€Ìrounded€leg€in€front€of€the€other.Ìà ? à"FUN€INDEED!"ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAt€top€speed.€€Sir€Bastable€Fitche€barrelled€into€town,€ÌLooking€neither€right€nor€left,€the€Knight's€sure„footed€progress€Ìdirected€him€straight€towards€the€Bar.€€So€single„minded€was€his€Ìapproach€that,€not€even€the€solid€legs€of€a€war„horse€pointing€Ìstiffly€towards€the€stars€were€permitted€to€divert€his€attention.€€ÌSir€Bastable€did€not€seem€to€see€the€remains€of€his€original€Ìbeloved€Leonidas€as,€with€a€mighty€leap,€he€cleared€the€authentic€Ìwestern€hitching€post€in€front€of€the€bar€and€landed€with€an€Ìimpact€that€severely€shook€the€front€of€the€fragile€building.Ìà ? à'Squire!€€Squire!'Ìà ? àAs€Bastable€eagerly€rushed€in,€the€dealer,€Abel€Surd,€looked€Ìup€with€irritation,€his€good€eye€twinkling€brightly€in€that€Ìshrivelled€walnut€of€a€face.Ìà ? à'Not€now,€Fitche.'Ìà ? à'But!€€Squire......'Ìà ? à'I€said,€NOT€NOW!'€Abel€said€emphatically,€adding€a€Ìferocious€whinny€just€to€be€sure.Ìà ? àMoving€from€foot€to€foot,€like€a€bear€tap„dancing€on€a€Ìbarbecue,€the€Knight€restlessly€quietened,€brim€full€of€news€that€Ìhe€could€not€deliver.€€Aside€from€a€few€sidelong€curious€smirks,€Ìthe€assembled€group€of€historic€or€fictional€celebrities€paid€the€Ìarmoured€figure€scant€attention.€€All€senses€were€directed€towards€Ìthe€game.Ìà ? àIt€was€getting€tense.€€Al€Capone,€Richard€the€Third€and€ÌCardinal€Richelieu€were€out.€€It€was€just€Wyatt€Earp€and€Abel.€ÌThe€atmosphere€was€almost€palpable,€one€move€could€spell€disaster.€€ÌWyatt€paused,€unsure,€eyes€narrowed,€his€fingers€caressing€the€Ìtips€of€his€cards.€€At€last,€€the€marshal€made€a€decision.€ÌThrowing€down€a€card€with€a€contemptuous€flourish,€saying€the€Ìwords€through€gritted€teeth.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Mr€Bun,€the€baker.'Ìà ? àThrilled€and€mesmerised€by€the€frontiersman's€audacity,€the€Ìonlookers€tensely€waited€for€Abel's€response.€€Savouring€the€Ìmoment,€he€picked€up€the€discarded€card,€delaying€his€false„Ìtoothed€smile€of€triumph€until€he€said€the€words.Ìà ? à'Happy€families.€€The€dealer€wins€again.'Ìà ? àYou€could€almost€play€tiddly„winks€with€the€audience's€Ìdisappointment€„€it€was€so€real.Ìà ? à'Dealer€wins€again."€Recited€Al€Capone,€giving€the€tally.€€Ìà ? àBig€Al€always€got€the€job,€he€had€a€reputation€for€being€good€with€Ìfigures.'Ìà ? à'Abel€wins€forty„seven€thousand,€six€hundred€and€seven€Ìgames.€€The€rest€win€„€seventeen.'Ìà ? à'It's€lucky€he€lets€us€win€one€at€Christmas,"€said€Wyatt,€Ìà ? à'or€it€would€be€plain€embarrassing.'Ìà ? à'I€wish€held€get€us€a€new€deck€for€Christmas,'€replied€Al€Ìdryly.Ìà ? àAs€the€dealer€excused€himself.€€Julius€Caesar€took€his€place€Ìat€table€and€the€Same€recommenced.Ìà ? à'Fitche!'Ìà ? àAbel€pointedly€indicated€his€office€with€a€gnarled€finger.€€ÌA€silent€path€was€cleared€by€the€knights€embarrassed€peers.€€With€Ìhead€held€high€and€tread€a€good€deal€firmer€than€he€felt,€Sir€ÌBastable€followed,€passing€through€the€door€just€beyond€the€bar.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌInside,€the€room€was€huge.€€In€previous€years,€if€what€Ìremained€of€the€faded€velvet€hangings€and€Victorian€style€wall€Ìdecoration€were€to€be€believed,€it€had€obviously€once€functioned€Ìas€a€plush€private€salon.€€Perhaps€the€very€room€in€which€the€long€Ìdeparted€mining€magnates€had€wined,€dined€and€luxuriously€Ìentertained€themselves,€whilst€plotting€to€expand€their€economic€Ìdomination€of€the€third€and€fourth€planets.€€Now,€however,€like€Ìeverything€else€in€this€terminal€terminus,€the€room€had€fallen€on€Ìhard€times.Ìà ? àIt€was€a€shambles.€€Who„ever€had€been€responsible€for€its€Ìtidiness€could€have€almost€challenged€Grendella€for€the€Ìintergalactic€bad€housekeeping€award.€€Not€that€the€objects€Ìscattered€about€could€really€have€been€classified€as€litter.€€ÌThere€seemed€to€be€a€purpose,€an€analytical€mind€at€work€behind€Ìthe€disorganisation€of€cogs,€bolts,€micro„chips€and€body€parts€Ìthat€lay€strewn€over€every€available€surface.€€There€was€so€much€Ìof€it;€an€arm€here,€a€leg€there,€would€not€perhaps€have€been€so€Ìbad,€it€was€the€sheer€quantity€that€rendered€things€unmanageable.€€ÌMountains€of€mutilated€machinery,€filling€every€nook€and€cranny,€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcompressing€the€room's€size€and€looming€threateningly€over€Ìthe€fragile€seeming€figures€of€Abel€and€Fitche.€€It€was€no€wonder€Ìthat€Sir€Bastable's€defunct€horse€had€not€made€it€to€this€office.€€ÌThere€was€just€no€room.€The€cannibalised€carcass€had€been€left€Ìoutside€to€take€its€chances€in€the€dust€storms,€although€Fitche's€Ìfirst„generation€personification€mind€had€been€programmed€not€to€Ìnotice€his€ex„mount€as€a€slight€concession€to€decency.Ìà ? àAbel€Surd€had€been€the€creator€of€this€crisis,€and€like€Sir€ÌBastable€Fitche,€was€partially€a€product€of€it.€€Now€at€an€age€Ìwhen€he€had€outlived€his€human€confederates,€the€wizened€107€year€Ìold€had€only€one€real€interest€left;€apart€from€telling€awful€Ìjokes€and€moaning€about€the€good€old€days.€This€little€old€man€Ìwith€the€leathery€skin€and€the€twinkling€eye€had€raised€the€level€Ìof€his€tinkering€with€scrap€machinery€to€an€art€form.ÌAbel€was€unique€in€many€ways:€The€last€of€Mars'€miners€and€Ìthe€last€native„born€Martian€left,€he€had€an€impressive€local€Ìlineage.€The€illegitimate€son€of€Phineas€Shepard,€named€in€honour€Ìof€his€fathers€assertion€that:€"The€mere€thought€of€having€Ìchildren€is€an€ABSURDITY."€Ìà ? àAbel€had€inherited€little€from€his€father€besides€a€Ìcrotchety€temperament.€€He€had,€however,€been€left€one€portion€of€Ìthe€paternal€estate€that€had€changed€his€life.Ìà ? àBack€in€the€far€off€days€when€COMS€had€first€set€about€its€Ìbusiness€and€had€yet€to€develop€its€full€powers.€€Phineas€had€Ìbartered€them€some€much€needed€Martian€mining€rights€in€exchange€Ìfor€a€rag„bag€collection€of€outdated€mechanical€parts€and€a€motley€Ìcrew€of€disinherited€first„generation€Personifications.€€These€Ìmodels€had€been€surplus€to€COMS€requirements€after€the€abandonment€Ìof€plans€to€extend€its€range€of€Educational€Prototype€Interaction€ÌCentres/€Services.€€People€had€laughed€at€Phineas€and€his€Ìludicrous€swap,€but€Phineas€had€not€cared.€€The€wily€multi,€multi„Ìbillionaire€had€a€two€fold€motive€for€his€actions,€reasoning€that:€Ì(A)€Even€basic€robotic€staff€were€cheaper€to€keep€and€easier€on€Ìthe€intellect€than€their€self€obsessed€human€equivalents,€and€(B)€ÌMachines€could€not€control€things,€because€they€would€eventually€Ìbreak€down€or€go€wrong,€and€spare€parts€would€one€day€be€as€Ìvaluable€as€diamonds.Ìà ? àPhineas€had€never€got€the€chance€to€prove€the€validity,€or€Ìnot,€of€theory€(A).€However,€he€must€had€been€posthumously€Ìconsoled€by€the€knowledge€that€at€his€first€attempt€to€use€one€of€Ìhis€new€mechanised€acquisitions,€the€carpet€cleaner€had€gone€Ìwrong.€€As€a€result€of€this€mishap,€the€ownership€and€care€of€Ì"Shepard€Scrap€Enterprises"€had€passed€to€his€illegitimate€son,€Ìmainly€because€none€of€Phineas'€legitimate€heirs€had€wanted€them.€ÌIn€the€way€of€such€things,€what€had€started€as€a€small€part„Ìtime€hobby€for€the€curious€youngster€had€gradually€crept€up€on€Ìhim,€piece€by€piece,€to€become€his€life's€work.€For€decades,€Abel€Ìhad€toiled,€upgrading€and€developing€possessions€that€became€Ìfriends,€unregarded€by€COMS.€€He€had€given€the€personifications€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsight€instead€of€mere€retinal€recognition,€individual€behaviour€Ìpatterns€instead€of€pre„programmed€responses.€€He€had€become€their€Ìfather,€their€mentor,€their€king€even,€and€they€had€repaid€him€Ìwith€a€companionship€and€loyalty€that€went€far€beyond€anything€Ìtheir€original€creators€had€envisaged.Ìà ? àWhen€the€ageing€Abel's€energy€and€health€had€begun€to€fade,€Ìthe€personifications€had€reacted€in€emulation€of€their€role€model.€Ì"If€a€part€is€faulty,€fix€it.€€If€unfixable,€replace€it".€As€a€Ìresult€of€these€sundry€efforts€to€protect€him€from€the€grim€Ìreaper's€advances,€Abel€had€become€a€slightly€more€customised€Ìversion€with€each€passing€year.€€His€right€arm,€both€legs,€Ìdigestive€system,€right€eye€and€ear,€all€owed€more€to€modern€Ìalloys€and€technology€than€to€human€cell€reproduction.€€The€latest€Ìaddition€had€been€made€necessary€by€the€sudden€arrival€of€a€Ìdetermined€throat€cancer,€intent€on€doing€Surd€in.€€Desperate,€or€Ìrather,€destrier€measures€had€been€called€for.€€Abel's€larynx€had€Ìbeen€replaced€with€a€shiny€new€system,€hardly€used,€with€only€one€Ìcareful€owner:€Sir€Bastable's€horse.€Abel€now€spoke€through€a€Ìtasteful€little€grid€in€his€neck€and€was€reasonably€happy€with€the€Ìarrangement,€but€had€to€admit€that€he€could€to€without€the€whinnys€Ìand€neighs€that€now€punctuated€his€conversation.Ìà ? àThere€was€an€additional€point€of€interest€about€all€Abel's€Ìadd„ons,€a€certain€reverse€snobbery€at€work.€€Despite€the€fact€Ìthat€all€the€extra€parts€could€have€been€seamlessly€matched€to€the€Ìex„miner's€own€skin€tones,€Abel€had€insisted€on€an€obvious€shiny€Ìchrome€finish.€€As€a€result,€he€looked€like€Isaac€Asimov's€worst€Ìnightmare;€the€baggy,€aged€wrinkles€and€bright€smooth€metallic€Ìplate€tended€to€clash.Ìà ? àThis€contrast€of€coverings€was€not,€it€had€to€be€admitted,€Ìuppermost€in€Fitche's€old€model€XXO1€Magatronian€mind,€as€Abel€Ìturned€on€him,€his€"good"€eye€glittering€with€a€furious€Ìillumination€almost€equal€in€brightness€to€his€red€round€Ìmechanical€one.Ìà ? à'Why€are€you€late€Fitche?'Ìà ? à'Methinks€Squire,€that€I€will€not€tell€you,€as€punishment€Ìfor€your€unseemly€impertinence.'€Sir€Bastable€haughtily€replied,€Ìhis€moustache€struggling€to€appear€brave€and€bristling.Ìà ? à'Impertinence?'€Abel€was€astonished.Ìà ? à'Aye,€sir,€impertinence,€I€am€a€knight€of€noble€bearing€and€Ìdegree.€€I€am€not€accustomed€to€being€kept€waiting€whilst€my€Ìsquire€finishes€a€game€of€chance.'Ìà ? àSurd€mentally€cursed.€Of€all€his€companions,€this€plump€and€Ìdotty€knight€with€the€outmoded€courtly€hallucinations€was€probably€Ìhis€favourite.€€Certainly,€Sir€Bastable€had€received€more€work€on€Ìhis€character€development€than€most,€perhaps€a€little€too€much.€€ÌThe€odd€disappearances,€in€search€of€the€grail€or€to€chase€Ìinvisible€dragons€„€these€were€acceptable,€within€limits.€€Even€Ìthis€business€of€believing€that€Abel€was€a€squire€had€at€first€Ìseemed€amusing.€€Lately,€however,€like€all€jokes€or€affectations€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðthat€had€outstayed€their€welcome,€it€was€becoming€a€right€royal€Ìpain€in€the€derriere.€€Ìà ? à'Listen,€Fitche,'€Abel€said€impatiently,€sounding€almost€as€Ìmenacing€as€his€shiny€bits€made€him€lock,€'If€you€don't€tell€me€Ìwhy€you're€late€this€instant.€€I'm€going€to€switch€you€off€and€Ìthen,€I'm€going€to€take€a€chainsaw€and...'Ìà ? à'The€quality€of€today's€staff€is€an€outrage,'€Bastable€shook€Ìhis€head€with€pompous€regret,€'you€never€would€have€been€Ìacceptable€as€a€squire€in€my€young€days.'€Ìà ? àAs€Abel€started€to€reach€for€the€threatened€chainsaw.€€ÌBastable€quickly€changed€his€conversational€emphasis.€Ìà ? à'I'm€late€because€we€have€a€visitor.'Ìà ? à'Visitor?'€Abel€was€stunned,€stopped€in€his€tracks,€The€bar€Ìhad€not€been€visited€in€years.€€Then€Abel€remembered€who€he€was€Ìtalking€to.€'You're€not€imagining€this,€are€you€?'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌSir€Bastable's€unimaginary€visitor€had€reached€the€outskirts€Ìof€the€city.€Pausing€on€a€slight€promontory,€Merlyn€threw€some€of€Ìthe€red€soil€into€the€air€with€a€dramatic€gesture€and€abrupt€Ìincantation.€€Light€briefly€flared€all€around€him€as€he€raked€the€Ìcity€with€a€keen€searching€gaze,€taking€every€advantage€offered€by€Ìhis€raised€position,€his€mind€hungrily€feeding€on€every€detail€Ìoffered€by€his€vision.€€As€gloom€returned,€Merlyn€remained€still,€Ìbathed€in€the€strange€lights€and€shadows€provided€by€the€glowing€Ìcover€of€his€book.Ìà ? àThoughts€of€displacement,€of€culture„shock,€came€tumbling€Ìunbidden€into€his€brain,€mingling€uncomfortably€with€a€feeling€of€Ìwonderment.€€The€tall,€smooth€buildings,€the€wide€thoroughfares,€Ìarchitectural€opulence€and€grandeur€reminiscent€of€Rome€in€its€Ìheyday€„€all€these€mighty€buildings,€lifeless,€rundown,€empty?€€ÌWhat€plague,€what€pestilence€or€foul€enchantment,€was€capable€of€Ìdriving€away€the€populace?€€He€had€to€know.Ìà ? àApproaching€the€nearest€building,€Merlyn€brought€his€long€Ìfingers€into€play,€outlining€shapes€and€lines€on€the€wall,€Ìchanting€an€accompaniment€from€the€fil„a„hex,€his€speech€patterns€Ìeager€and€energetic.€€At€last,€the€wizard€stood€back,€breathing€Ìheavily,€waiting,€watching.€€Part€of€the€wall€seemed€to€clench,€Ìthen€become€fluid.€€Features€started€to€become€distinct,€following€Ìthe€pattern€outlined€by€his€fingertips,€pushed€out€and€remoulded€Ìby€the€solid€surface.€€Eventually,€the€spell's€work€was€finished.€€ÌThe€wall€had€grown€a€face,€and€a€grumpy€looking€one€at€that.Ìà ? à'Is€this€some€sort€of€sick€joke?'€The€building€queried€Ìbelligerently.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Joke?'€Merlyn€was€puzzled.Ìà ? à'Yeah,€joke!€€I'm€sick€to€death€of€you€cells,€making€cracks€Ìabout€"Walls€having€ears"€or€"if€only€they€could€talk."€It€would€Ìget€on€my€nerves,€if€I€had€any.'Ìà ? à'What€are€"cells"?'Ìà ? à'You€don't€know€much€do€you?€€Cells€are€part€of€a€larger€Ìshell.€€They€mostly€exist,€breed€and€function€inside€that€shell,€I€Ìknow€my€Masonic€biology.€€I'm€a€larger€shell.€€Therefore€you€are€a€Ìcell.'Ìà ? à'But,€I'm€not€inside€you,'€replied€Merlyn€warily.Ìà ? à'You€are€obviously€very€stupid,'€the€building€said€Ìdisdainfully,€'I€will€therefore€explain€this€slowly.€€Cells€are€Ìpart€of€larger€shells€or€organisms.€€A€shell€such€as€myself€is€Ìlike€a€body€part,€encased€in€the€larger€shell€of€the€city.€€The€Ìcity,€in€turn,€is€encased€by€the€larger€shell€of€the€planet,€which€Ìis€encased€in€the€larger€shell€of€the€solar€system.€€Just€as€your€Ìcells€move€through€your€system€from€organ€to€organ,€or€body€to€Ìbody,€you€cells€move€freely€between€shells€of€different€volume.€€ÌNow€have€you€got€that?'Ìà ? à'Yes.'€Merlyn€conceded.Ìà ? à'Well!€€WHAT€DO€YOU€BLOODY€WANT€THEN?'Ìà ? à'You€are€a€very€rude€wall.'Ìà ? à'You€think€this€side's€rude!€€You€should€see€the€graffiti€on€Ìthe€inside!'Ìà ? àMerlyn€ignored€the€quip,€walls€graffiti„Ed€or€otherwise€were€Ìnot€renowned€for€the€subtlety€of€their€wit.Ìà ? à'What€happened€to€all€the€....€Cells?'Ìà ? à'They€all€got€sick.'€replied€the€building€sullenly.Ìà ? à'A€plague?'Ìà ? à'No€home„sick.€€They€got€fed€up€and€went€home.'Ìà ? à'But€where's€home?'Ìà ? à'Home€is€where€the€heart€is.'Ìà ? à'WHERE'S€THAT?'€roared€the€wizard.Ìà ? à'Earth,€of€course,€Terra.€€The€home„ward€of€the€Cells.€ÌUngrateful,€I€call€it.€I€give€them€a€place€to€live,€a€shelter,€Ìyears€of€faithful€service€and€what€do€they€do?€€Smash€my€windows€Ìand€cover€my€innards€with€their€moronic€daubings.'Ìà ? àEven€with€the€smooth€translation€afforded€by€his€linguistic€Ìspell,€it€took€a€while€for€the€building's€words€to€register.€€ÌMerlyn's€voice€was€almost€a€whisper€but€something€about€its€Ìdelivery€demanded€immediate€answer.Ìà ? à'This€isn't€Earth?'Ìà ? à'No,€this€is€Mars,€Where€have€you€been?Ìà ? à'What€year€is€it?'Ìà ? à'I€don't€know€for€sure.€I've€been€here€a€long€time.€€My€Ìfoundation€stone's€over€on€the€left.€That€should€give€you€an€Ìidea.'Ìà ? à'Merlyn€locked€to€the€left€of€the€graven€face.€€He€read€the€Ìwords€that€said:€This€foundation€stone€was€laid€by€Phineas€T.€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐShepard,€2nd€November€2161.€€Above€it€was€a€sign€that€read:€This€ÌProperty€is€condemned€as€unfit€for€human€habitation.€€By€order€of€ÌCOMS.€lst€January€2245.Ìà ? àWith€misted,€unseeing€eyes,€the€wizard€turned€and€walked€Ìaway,€moving€unsteadily€towards€the€centre€of€town.ÌIgnored,€the€building€blurted,€half„indignant€and€half„Ìscared.Ìà ? à'You€can't€leave€me€like€this!'€It€tried€persuasion.Ìà ? à'Look,€if€you€come€back,€I'll€give€you€more€information.€€Ìà ? àThere's€a€group€of€cells€in€the€bar€at€the€centre€of€Main€ÌStreet€„€the€cute€little€number€with€the€raunchy€architectural€Ìfeatures.€Please€come€back!€€I'm€sorry€I€was€so€testy.€€I've€been€Ìalone€for€a€while.€€I've€forgotten€how€to€be€sociable.€€COME€BACK!.€€ÌLet's€talk...I€can€speak€any€language€you€want:€Swedish,€Urdu,€ÌEsperanto.'Ìà ? àThe€building€strained€its€newly„acquired€aural€senses.€€It€Ìseemed€to€hear€the€wizard€repeating€the€same€word,€over€and€over€Ìagain,€as€he€walked€away€into€the€distance.Ìà ? à'Ages...€ages....€ages.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton.€€Iowa€:€Early€21st€Century,€August.ÌÌà ? à'Not€our€sort€of€people€at€all.'ÌCecil€Bland€said,€in€the€sort€of€adenoidal€voice€usually€Ìreserved€for€politicians€in€ancient€newsreels,€train€spotters€and€Ìother€assorted€in€British€comedy€shows.Ìà ? à'No€dear.'Ìà ? àCecil's€wife,€Primrose,€distantly€agreed.€€Having€honed€and€Ìdeveloped€her€inattentive€agreement€skills€to€their€peak,€she€Ìmanaged€to€remain€completely€absorbed€in€her€copy€of€"Cosmo".Ìà ? à'I€mean,€look€at€it,'€Cecil€waved€the€paper€about€the€Ìbreakfast€nook€for€the€umpteenth€time.€€Trying€to€look€really€Ìstern€and€disapproving€and€instead€looking€rather€like€a€gerbil€Ìwith€PMT,€'€...€its€embarrassing.'Ìà ? à'Yes,€dear,'€responded€Primrose€on€cue€before€turning€her€Ìattention€to€the€ungainly„looking€child€behind€her€husband.€Ìà ? à'Camilla,€will€you€please€stop€drawing€in€that€Gideon€Bible?'Ìà ? àThe€child€scowled€up€at€her,€threatening€mutiny.Ìà ? à'But€Mum.'Ìà ? à'I've€told€you€already€Camilla€„€it's€pointless€to€edit€the€Ìbible.'Ìà ? à'King€James€the€First€did,'€pouted€Camilla.Ìà ? à'Well,€dear.€€King€James€the€First€probably€had€parents€with€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðabsolutely€no€sense€of€discipline.'Ìà ? à'It's€culture,€innit.'ÌPrimrose€closed€her€eyes€with€a€look€of€infinite€pain.Ìà ? à'Must€you€talk€like€a€guttersnipe?€€Camilla.'Ìà ? à'But€Mummmm!€I€wanna€be€a€writer.'Ìà ? à'Well€don't€start€there,€Camilla.€€It's€not€our€property.'€ÌPrimrose€tried€to€sound€sensible,€'However€many€times€you€write€Ìit,€you€won't€alter€the€fact€that€there€isn't€an€llth€commandment:€Ì"Thou€shalt€not€smuggle."€€Go€to€your€room€and€play€writers!!"Ìà ? à'See€what€I€mean?'€Cecil€voiced€his€outrage€once€again€as€Ìà ? àCamilla€skulked€dramatically€away.Ìà ? à'Embarrassing.€€Even€our€daughter€knows€our€shame.€Look€at€Ìit!'Ìà ? àHe€pointedly€jabbed€the€paper's€front€page€with€its€pictures€Ìof€Leicester€Square,€and€of€Casper€and€Blossom,€standing€in€Ìhandcuffs,€their€faces€registering€almost€total€bewilderment.€Once€Ìagain,€Cecil€read€the€familiar€textual€highlights€aloud.Ìà ? à'€"Ashton€couple€held€at€centre€of€major€British€furnishings€Ìsmuggling€investigation...€Charged€with€vandalism€of€Central€ÌLondon€landmark..."€How€will€we€face€the€neighbours?'€Ìà ? à'You've€argued€with€most€of€them€dear.€€They're€not€talking.€€ÌBesides,€I'm€sure€the€papers€over€here€exaggerate€just€as€much€as€Ìthe€ones€in€England.€€No€one€can€smuggle€that€much€without€someone€Ìnoticing.€€Two€beds,€three€sofas€and€the€rest€of€it,€they're€Ìhardly€the€sort€of€things€that€fit€into€a€handbag...'Ìà ? àCecil€refused€to€be€placated€by€his€wife's€words.€€Ìà ? à'They're€Americans,€Primmy;€Weirdo's!€They're€probably€devil€Ìworshippers.€€We've€swapped€our€home€with€Satanists.€€We're€like€Ìas€not€go€home€to€find€gory€circles€on€the€walls€and€dead€cats€in€Ìthe€bathroom.'Ìà ? àPrimrose€calmly€interrupted,€speaking€as€if€to€a€small€Ìchild.Ìà ? à'Really,€Cecil,€you've€got€such€a€lurid€imagination.€I€can€Ìsee€where€Camilla€gets€it€from.€€The€Titwillegers€have€been€very€Ìnice€to€us.€€They've€booked€and€paid€for€this€motel,€they€hired€us€Ìthat€lovely€car...which€has€been€stolen.'Ìà ? à'Losing€the€car€wasn't€my€fault.€€I€normally€leave€the€keys€Ìin€the€ignition€at€home.'€Cecil€said€defensively.€Ìà ? à'That's€because€nobody€wants€our€Trabanth,€dear.'ÌCecil€would€not€be€distractedÌà ? à'They€only€paid€for€the€motel€because€their€house€was€full€Ìof€rocks.€€They're€already€a€national€scandal.'Ìà ? à'That€may€be€true.€€However,€there's€no€point€getting€worked€Ìup€about€it€now.€€Mrs€Titwilleger's€brother€is€flying€all€the€way€Ìfrom€California€to€explain€things€and€we€should€wait€until€he€Ìarrives.'Ìà ? àCecil€gradually€calmed€from€boiling€to€slow€simmer.€He€Ìstarted€munching€a€piece€of€toast€distractedly.Ìà ? à'You're€right€as€usual,€Primmy.€€I'll€wait€for€this€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðevangelist€chappie€to€arrive.€€What€was€his€name€again€?'Ìà ? à'Wilbur€Prince.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMerlyn€could€not€believe€it.€€He€had€obviously€slept€for€Ìcenturies€and€awoken€on€a€strange€world.€€How€much€had€he€missed?€€ÌHow€many€generations?€€Why€had€he€really€been€awakened€after€so€Ìlong?€There€were€so€many€unanswered€questions.€€So€many€puzzles.Ìà ? àHe€registered€the€light€in€the€distance€and€resolutely€Ìsteeled€himself€to€face€whatever€was€to€come,€whatever€had€been.€€ÌA€light€meant€life,€it€meant€possible€solutions.€€Although€still€Ìin€a€state€of€mild€shock,€he€approached€the€illumination€with€the€Ìeagerness€of€a€moth€let€out€of€a€coal€cellar.€€Ignoring€the€worn€Ìdark€shells€of€the€other€buildings€on€Main€Street,€his€attention€Ìfocused€totally€in€one€direction.€€Soon€he€could€take€in€every€Ìdetail€of€his€destination.€Merlyn's€first€reaction€was€that€the€Ìbuilding€he€had€just€spoken€to€had€possessed€lamentably€poor€Ìtaste.€€Whatever€else€this€place€was,€it€certainly€was€not€"cute".€€Ìà ? àIt€was€obviously€one€of€the€oldest€buildings€in€the€city.€€ÌLarge,€ramshackle€and€rambling,€paint„work€faded€that€had€once€Ìbeen€startling,€crumpling€advertising€hoardings€making€wildly€Ìextravagant€claims€about€the€quality€of€the€entertainment€held€Ìinside,€arbitrarily€chosen€and€positioned€plaster€statues€Ìsprouting€everywhere,€coated€in€a€dozen€hectic€hues.Ìà ? àHe€was€captivated€by€the€large€neon€sign€that€pulsed€over€Ìthe€door.€€The€sign€said€"MA_S€BAR",€it€had€once€been€"THE€MARS€ÌBAR"€but€a€previous€owner€had€had€the€"R"€removed.€€He€was€Ìsuitably€impressed€by€Mankind's€progress;€it€was€his€first€Ìexposure€to€electric€power€and€it€was€thrilling€to€learn€that€Ìhumanity€had€harnessed€the€lightning€for€its€purposes.€€Merlyn€Ìcuriously€drew€nearer,€lengthily€scrutinising€the€remains€of€Sir€ÌBastable's€horse,€fascinated€by€its€innards,€by€the€tangled€Ìprofusion€of€mechanical€parts.€€Here€was€great€magic€indeed.€€This€Ìsolid€simulacrum€had€been€designed€to€mimic€a€flesh„and„blood€Ìcreature.€€Merlyn's€mystic€soul€exulted€at€the€knowledge€of€the€Ìnew€enchantments€that€could€be€learned.€€Abandoning€all€cares€and€Ìtrepidation,€he€boldly€strode€towards€the€murmuring€voices,€into€Ìthe€bar.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐOn€the€outskirts€of€the€city,€Balidare€squatted€on€his€Ìhaunches.€€Touching€the€soil€with€those€thick€fingers,€hazily€Ìsensing€the€nearby€presence€of€his€fellow€pilgrims,€feeling€their€Ìpower.€€He€slowly€opened€his€eyes,€his€vision€making€a€nonsense€of€Ìthe€gloom€as€they€easily€picked€out€the€remote€bar.€€That€tall€Ìfigure€in€the€plaid€seemed€strangely€familiar,€but€it€was€Ìimpossible;€"He"€had€retired€to€Wizard€Springs€centuries€before.Ìà ? àBalidare€slowly€rose€and€made€his€way€into€town.€€There€was€Ìtime€enough€for€answers€and€they€would€not€be€provided€by€that€Ìcurious€building€over€on€the€left,€whatever€loud„mouthed€claims€it€Ìmight€make€to€the€contrary.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMerlyn€entered€the€bar.€€Its€interior€was€as€multi„coloured€Ìand€over€ornate€as€its€exterior.€€Having€been€asleep€at€the€time,€Ìhe€was€not€to€know€that€the€bar's€decoration€was€an€attempt€to€Ìrecreate€an€American€Wild€West€saloon,€even€down€to€fake€Ìbloodstains€on€the€floor€and€the€spittoons.Ìà ? àowever,€he€felt€that€it€was€a€bit€much€for€his€taste.€ÌDrawing€on€his€new„found€stores€of€language€Merlyn€could€see€why€Ìthe€place€had€been€christened€Ma'e€Bar.€€Every€wall,€every€free€Ìsurface€was€decorated€with€baby€photographs€of€the€most€saccharine€Ìkind,€all€depicting€the€same€sickly€looking€child.Ìà ? àHaving€scrutinised€the€environment,€the€Wizard€turned€his€Ìattention€to€its€inhabitants.€€The€large€group€around€the€card€Ìtable€had€silenced€as€he€had€entered.€€They€watched€him€now€with€Ìwary€eagerness.€€Merlyn€stared€back,€most€of€the€faces€were€Ìunfamiliar€but€there€were€a€few€that€he€recognised:€Alexander,€ÌMark€Antony,€Cleopatra,€Augustus,€Julius€Caesar€„€Britain's€first€Ìreal€tourist.€€Merlyn€smiled€as€he€remembered:€"I€came,€I€saw,€I€Ìskirmished,€I€littered,€and€left€as€quickly€as€possible."€Ìà ? àWas€this€Caesar?€Was€this€Augustus?€these€creatures€Ìcertainly€resembled€them.€€They€had€both€been€dead€for€centuries€Ìby€the€time€he'd€slept.€€Merlyn€had€to€concede€that€claiming€to€Ìconquer€death€was€par€for€the€course€for€the€self„important€Roman€Ìpropaganda€machine.€€There€was€always€the€chance€that€those€pesky€ÌLatins€had€been€right€about€"Jove"€and€having€friends€in€high€Ìplaces.€Still,€something€was€not€quite€right.€€It€was€more€as€if€Ìsomeone€had€restored€their€statues€to€life€than€the€actual€men€or€Ìwomen.€€Gone€were€their€warts€and€their€paunches.€€Gone€were€their€Ìscars€and€imperfections.€€They€were€finally€fully„qualified€to€Ìserve€as€leaders.€€Merlyn€came€of€a€culture€that€had€once€asserted€Ìthat€only€one€who€was€physically€perfect€was€fit€to€lead,€but€he€Ìhad€grown€flexible€since,€he€had€had€to.Ìà ? àConscious€that€the€silence€was€becoming€strained.€€Merlyn€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðstepped€forward€with€a€friendly€smile.Ìà ? à'Hail€Caesar,€It's€been€ages.'Ìà ? àThe€Roman€stared€back,€There€was€no€recognition€in€his€eyes€Ìand€uncertainty€in€his€voiceÌà ? à'Do€I€know€you€?'Ìà ? àMerlyn€grinned€his€appreciation€of€the€jest.Ìà ? à'Does€he€know€me,€indeed.€€He€asks€does€he€know€me?'Ìà ? à'Well,€does€he?'€the€puzzled€personifications€asked€the€Ìwizard€in€unison.Ìà ? àMerlyn€paused.€€Even€allowing€for€changes€wrought€by€the€Ìlinguistic€spell,€this€was€wrong.€€Their€voices€ware€not€the€Ìvoices€of€his€far„off€friends€and€foes.€€Why€did€they€all€have,€Ìlike€Fitche,€the€word€"CANCELLED"€stamped€in€red€across€their€Ìforeheads?€€These€creatures€were€impostors,€someone€was€trying€a€Ìjoke€at€his€expense.€€If€there€was€one€thing€Merlyn€hated€above€Ìall€else,€it€was€cheap€satire.€€He€reached€for€his€Fil„a„Hex;€Ìsomeone€was€going€to€pay€for€this.Ìà ? àA€door€opened€and€a€familiar€voice€arrested€the€wizard's€arm€Ìin€mid€movement.Ìà ? à'There!€€I€told€you€so,€you€poxy€varlet!€€Greetings€ÌMagician,€we€are€well€met.'€Sir€Bastable€Fitche€stood€grinning€in€Ìthe€office€doorway€while€a€strange€little€man€struggled€to€get€Ìaround€him.Ìà ? àMuttering€curses,€Abel€tired€of€his€futile€efforts€to€Ìsqueeze€past€Fitche.€€He€pressed€a€hidden€button,€and€neat€little€Ìwheels€lowered€out€of€his€mechanised€feet.€€With€a€hefty€shove€and€Ìa€stylish,€flowing€movement,€he€encircled€the€gabbling€Knight€and€Ìskated€gracefully€up€to€the€astonished€Wizard,Ìà ? à'Greetings,€Sir.€€Please€ignore€my€assistant.€€How€can€I€Ìhelp€you?'Ìà ? à'Merlyn€was€totally€bewildered€by€the€situation,€It€was€not€Ìevery€day€that,€even€he,€was€approached€by€a€small,€wizened€Ìapparition,€who€appeared€to€be€half€coated€in€perfect€shiny€Ìarmour,€on€wheels.€€All€the€while,€the€large€knight€kept€burbling€Ìabout€"Crusades€and€Grails",€whilst€the€crowd€of€others€in€their€Ìwildly€clashing€costumes,€looked€as€bewildered€as€Merlyn€felt.€€It€Ìwas€all€a€bit€much€to€take.Ìà ? à'CAN€YOU€PLEASE,'€he€bellowed,€'TELL€ME€WHAT'S€GOING€ON?'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌIt€took€some€time.€€After€Sir€Bastable€Fitche€was€banished€Ìto€the€corner,€and€placed,€like€the€rest€of€his€personified€peers,€Ìunder€strict€instructions€to€say€nothing,€the€Martian€and€the€ÌMystic€sat€down€to€talk.€At€first,€when€Merlyn€had€explained€his€Ìsituation,€Abel€had€thought€that€he€was€a€Personification€gone€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwrong.€A€little€physical€examination€had€reassured€him€on€this€Ìpoint.€Of€course€Surd€had€not€fully€discounted€the€possibility€Ìthat€he€was€dealing€with€a€mad€man,€but€the€aged€miner€liked€a€Ìgood€story€and€a€good€chat€and€had€been€deprived€of€both€for€a€Ìvery€long€time.€€He€was€content€to€humour€the€imposing€figure€in€Ìplaid.Ìà ? àThey€talked€of€much.€€Merlyn€spoke€of€his€past;€Abel€told€Ìthe€story€of€COMS,€explained€about€machines,€about€how€his€ÌPersonifications€had€been€cancelled€stock.€€As€he€went€on,€Abel€Ìstarted€to€really€enjoy€both€their€conversation€and€the€wizard's€Ìincredulous€exclamations.€€He€felt€he€was€just€warming€up,€filling€Ìin€the€merest€of€gaps€by€catering€for€the€wizard's€millennia„Ìconsuming€hunger€for€historical€knowledge€.Ìà ? àOutside,€concealed€by€the€window's€dusty€grime,€Balidare€Ìwatched€the€vibrant€discussion.€€He€had€been€right,€It€was€Merlyn.€€ÌThis€was€no€synthetic€creation€with€a€cancellation€stamp€on€his€Ìhead.€€Those,€dark€weathered€features€were€all€too€familiar.ÌHow€had€he€managed€to€return€from€Wizard€Springs?€€It€was€Ìsupposed€to€be€a€one„way€trip.€€Come€to€think€of€it,€why€had€he€Ìever€wanted€to€go€there€in€the€first€place?€€Balidare's€phenomenal€Ìpowers€of€recall€stripped€aside€the€upper€layers€of€a€memory€that€Ìwent€back€through€millions€of€years.€€It€was€as€if€it€were€Ìyesterday,€when€Matholug€had€told€him€of€the€Druid's€plans.€€ÌBalidare€had€cursed€his€old€friend€for€a€fool;€not€believing€he€Ìwas€capable€of€falling€for€the€hype€put€about€by€the€"Druid's€Union€ÌPension€Enterprises."Ìà ? àEven€when€Balidare's€sense€of€imprisonment,€when€the€hatred€Ìof€Earth€and€its€confining€solar€system€had€been€at€its€worse,€he€Ìhad€never€thought€of€using€that€tired€old€spell.€€Back€in€the€days€Ìjust€after€Atlantis,€there€had€been€a€saying:€"Better€death,€than€ÌWizard€Springs!".€The€place€was€rumoured€to€be€synonymous€with€Ìsenility€and€boredom.€€There€was€only€so€much€galactic€golf€and€Ìsunbathing€a€being€could€take.€€Eternity€without€remission€seemed€Ìlike€overkill.Ìà ? àBalidare€almost€smiled,€suddenly€touched€by€the€silliness€of€Ìit€all.€€Here€he€was,€condemning€Wizard€Springs,€sight€unseen,€Ìwhilst€standing€an€this€red€world,€where€golf€was€a€faded€memory€Ìand€sunbathing€a€dusty€trial.€€Most€planets€only€had€to€die€once;€Ìit€was€Mars'€misfortune€to€have€to€enact€a€repeat€performance.€€ÌWell,€he€thought,€attracted€by€the€theatrical€metaphor,€the€drama€Ìcannot€proceed€unless€we€actors€respond€to€our€cues.€€Time€for€a€Ìreunion€scene.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à"Time€for€more€than€one",€The€Purple€Thingy€slimed€Ìimpatiently,€way€past€time.€"Never€again!"€It€putridly€promised€Ìitself;€working€with€these€outmoded€creatures€that€used€actual€Ìphysical€effort€to€travel.€€Ìà ? àIt€was€pathetic.€€The€whole€thing€seemed€to€take€forever.€€ÌThe€Thingy€had€evolved€life„forms€in€the€time€it€took€these€beings€Ìto€get€to€the€city,€and€a€lot€more€efficient€life„forms€at€that.€€ÌThe€whole€process€was€ridiculously€slow,€like€trying€to€construct€Ìa€skyscraper€out€of€rice„pudding.€€The€Thingy€wanted€to€give€vent€Ìto€its€temporal€frustration;€it€wanted€to€howl€and€shriek,€but€it€Ìcontrolled€itself,€aware€of€the€disastrous€consequences,€the€Ìshredding€of€reality,€the€resultant€implosive€black€holes.€€Not€Ìfor€nothing€was€it€said€that:€"In€space,€nobody€can€hear€a€Thingy€Ìscream."€€Nobody€lives€long€enough,€nobody€or€nothing€for€light€Ìyears€around.€€The€Thingy€exercised€gallant€restraint;€it€waited€Ìand€fumed€in€reeking€silence€with€every€one€of€it€plentiful€acid„Ìsoaked€intellects€soundlessly€shouting:€"Get€on€with€it!"ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€August.ÌÌà ? à'Get€on€with€it!'Ìà ? àCecil€Bland€said€testily,€putting€on€his€best€abrupt€civil€Ìservice€manner.€€He€was€resentful€of€the€ease€with€which€Prince's€Ìseemed€to€charm€Primrose,Ìà ? àWilbur€Prince€stiffened€in€the€midst€of€a€smile,€turning€his€Ìdynamic€gaze€onto€the€weedy€Englishman,€speaking€in€that€rich,€Ìdeep€melodious€voice.Ìà ? à'Maybe€you're€right.'Ìà ? àCecil€visibly€quailed€as€Prince€came€towards€him.€This€Ìreaction€was€not€prompted€by€Primrose's€poisonous€glance€in€her€Ìhusband's€direction;€rather,€it€was€a€natural€consequence€of€Ìsharing€space€with€such€a€presence.€Clothed€in€a€lurid€Kaftan,€ÌWilbur€was€hugely€commanding,€with€a€voice€made€for€the€Gospel€Ì(courtesy€of€several€thousand€dollars€worth€of€acting€lesson€)€Ìand€a€grey„tinged€beard€of€Biblical€proportions.€€The€founder€Ìand€chief€evangelistic€spirit€of€California's:€"Church€of€Mystic€ÌEnlightenment€via€the€Fundamental€Freak„Out€and€the€Love€of€ÌChrist's€Glory."€€He€was€massive€in€bulk€and€massive€in€Ìpersonality.Ìà ? àIt€was€almost€as€if€God€himself,€or€at€least€Orson€Welles,€Ìwere€present€in€their€breakfast€nook.€€Some€wild,€divinely€Ìinspired€pilgrim€with€an€unkempt€mane€of€carefully€arranged€hair€Ìextensions,€a€John€the€Baptist€style€crowd„pleaser€of€the€hellfire€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðvariety.€€Feet€hidden€by€the€kaftan,€Wilbur€seemed€almost€to€slide€Ìalong€the€floor.€€Everything€about€him€seemed€to€signify€the€rough€Ìpiety€of€the€prophet,€a€man€who€had€given€up€all€the€pleasures€and€Ìproperties€of€the€flesh.€Ìà ? àThis€was€a€quite€a€feat€for€someone€who,€at€the€last€count,€Ìowned€a€forty„million€dollar€Bel„Air€mansion,€plus€other€property,€Ìfifteen€limos,€six€yachts,€three€planes€and€kept€a€score€of€Ìmistresses.€€God,€with€a€little€help€from€modern€marketing€Ìmethods,€had€indeed€been€good€to€his€"humble"€servant.€€Blossom€Ìhad€inherited€all€the€family€bad€luck.ÌÌÌÌWilbur€took€his€time,€secure€in€the€knowledge€that€he€had€Ìoverwhelmed€this€petty€bureaucrat€and€his€wife.€€With€becoming€Ìgrandeur,€he€lowered€himself€daintily€onto€the€sofa,€offering€ÌCecil€and€Primrose€a€seat€in€their€own€space,€without€any€hint€of€Ìdiscomfort,€waiting€with€seemingly€divine€patience€as€the€Blands€Ìhurried€to€comply.ÌThe€Preacher€prided€himself€on€being€more€than€adept€at€Ìhandling€minor€officials.€€He€paused,€fixing€the€British€with€his€Ìmost€dazzling€smile,€building€up€the€importance€of€the€words€that€Ìwould€follow€with€practised€theatricality,Ì'My€sister's...'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'....name€is€Brimstone.'€The€delivery€of€the€brooding€Ìangular€child€was€muted,€self„conscious.Ìà ? à'Seriously?'€Camilla€Bland€was€suitably€impressed.Ìà ? à'Yeah,€My€dad€was€on€this€big€damnation€kick€at€the€time.'Ì€à ? àThey€sat€under€overcast€skies.€€Two€frail€children,€Ð <#Œ" Ðmomentarily€excluded€from€the€mysterious€world€of€the€adults€Ìupstairs.€€They€had€been€told€to€go€out€and€play,€and€play€they€Ìhad,listlessly€tossing€pebbles€into€the€Motel's€deserted€pool€as€Ìthey€discussed€matters€of€great€import€to€nine„year„olds.They€had€Ìboth€come€to€the€conclusion€that€it€must€be€really€"neat"€to€be€a€Ìgrown€up.€€No€one€could€confuse€you€or€tell€you€what€to€do.€€As€an€Ìadult€you€had€everything€under€control.€€Of€course,€this€concept€Ìof€their€elders€was€about€as€faulty€as€their€concept€of€the€Ìexistence€of€Santa€Claus;€adulthood€has€a€way€of€puncturing€the€Ìmost€convincing€notions.Ìà ? àEverything€about€her€companion€thrilled€the€impressionable€ÌCamilla,€even€the€kaftan€he€wore€an€his€father's€instructions,€Ìalthough€it€made€him€look€lost€and€pathetic,€like€a€stick€insect€Ìwrapped€in€a€tent.€€Nothing,€however,€had€prepared€her€for€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsheer€"coolness"€of€his€appellation.€€She€could€see€it€now,€going€Ìhome€to€St€Albans€and€telling€them€about€the€friend€she'd€made.€€A€Ìfriend€with€a€twin€sister€called€Brimstone€and€an€incredible€name.€€ÌIf€the€girls€at€school€believed€her,€they€might€even€stop€beating€Ìher€up.€€It€was€essential€to€get€some€kind€of€proof.Ìà ? à'Sulphur.'Ìà ? à'No.€€Call€me€Sully.€€Me€and€Sis€prefer€it€that€way,€Sully€Ìand€Bri.'Ìà ? àCamilla€stared€at€him€hard€as€her€mind€ingested€this€latest€Ìgobbit€of€information.€€Sully€stared€back,€his€eyes€full€of€an€Ìhabitual€penitence,€a€consequence€of€the€overbearing€Wilbur's€oft„Ìstated€expressions€of€disappointment€in€him.€€Ìà ? à'It's€only€a€name,€like€"Prince";€you€can€take€it€or€leave€Ìit.€Father€took€it€because€it€sounded€classy.€€He€says€no€one€Ìwould€go€to€a€church€run€by€Wilbur€Pimpleknocker.'Ìà ? à'PIMPLEKNOCKER!'€Camilla€chortled€her€childish€glee€and€even€Ìà ? àSully€managed€a€modest€smile.€Eventually,€as€her€mirth€subsided,€Ìshe€plunged€into€thought.€€After€a€while€she€spoke,€saying€with€Ìall€the€gravity€and€seriousness€a€nine€year„old€could€muster.€€Ìà ? à'Sully,€I€luv€you!'Ìà ? àThe€boy€reacted€with€a€start€of€alarm€that€almost€propelled€Ìhim€into€the€pool.€€Camilla€took€this€as€a€sign€of€encouragement.Ìà ? à'Let's€be€pen€friends.'Ìà ? àAs€the€sky€darkened€and€the€sun€disappeared€from€view,€the€Ìfuture€Mr€and€Mrs€Prince€sat,€side€by€side,€gazing€into€a€pool€as€Ìmysterious€and€murky€as€the€future.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWhen€Balidare€walked€into€the€bar,€the€grouped€€Ìpersonifications€almost€bust€an€excited€gasket€straining€against€€Ìtheir€ordered€silence.€Ìà ? àMerlyn€dismissed€the€new€arrival€as€just€another€mechanised€€Ìimpostor.€€The€alacrity€with€which€Abel€skated€to€the€newcomer's€€Ìside€revealed€the€truth.€Ìà ? à'Hello,€Surd.€€Still€running€this€museum€I€see.€€If€they€€Ìkeep€replacing€your€body€parts,€you'll€outlive€me.'€Ìà ? àUnable€to€contain€his€pleasure,€it€took€a€while€for€Surd's€€Ìneighs€to€subside€before€he€could€respond.€Ìà ? à'Mister€Balidare!€€It's€been€years.€€Good€to€see€you,€sir.€€€ÌCan€I€get€you€anything?€€A€drink€perhaps?'€Ìà ? àFatal€words.€€Balidare€was€notoriously€fussy€about€his€€Ìtastes.€€It€took€him€several€minutes€to€order€a€drink€with€the€€Ìexact€ingredients,€exact€temperatures€and€measures,€the€right€€Ìglass,€the€right€shape.€€The€list€seemed€to€go€on€forever,€giving€€ÌMerlyn€ample€time€to€approach.€€Whilst€Abel€laboured€to€meet€his€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcustomer's€request,€the€old€comrades€were€re„united.€Merlyn€€Ìindicated€the€Personifications.€Ìà ? à'Forgive€me,€I€thought€you€were€one€of€these€creatures.'€€Ìà ? àBalidare€replied€with€a€tone€of€rich€warmth,€personally€€Ìunused€for€centuries.€Ìà ? à'It's€no€matter,€my€Derwydd€friend.'€Ìà ? à'When€I€first€arrived,€I€thought€it€was€some€sort€of€End„of„€ÌEternity€reunion.'€Ìà ? à'You€met€the€purple€spectre?'€Ìà ? à'She's€the€reason€I'm€here.'€Ìà ? à'Perhaps€Kinata€will€come?'€Ìà ? àMerlyn€shook€his€head,€sadly.€Ìà ? à'I€called.€There€was€no€reply.'€Ìà ? àBalidare's€brow€clouded.€Ìà ? à'They€made€up€silly€stories.'€Ìà ? à'You€should€have€taught€them.€No€one€could€weave€a€tale€€Ìbetter€than€you.'€Ìà ? à'People€stopped€listening.'€Ìà ? àFor€a€moment€they€quietened.€€Both€lost€in€consideration€of€€Ìa€far€off€time,€when€Merlyn's€complex€spells€had€provided€the€€Ìmagic€while€Balidare's€epic€songs€had€provided€the€dreams,€and€the€€Ìlaws.€€Then€they€made€their€way€to€a€table,€becoming€deeply€€Ìabsorbed€in€conversation€and€in€memory.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌThe€shame€of€it€all.€The€way€Fitche's€moustaches€bristled€his€€Ìindignation,€one€would€have€thought€that€somebody€was€putting€€Ìseveral€million€volts€through€him.€€The€knight€maintained€his€€Ìshare€of€enforced€silence€with€sullen€fury.€€For€year€upon€dreary€€Ìyear,€the€personifications€had€endured€the€endless€repetitions€€Ìfrom€Abel€and€each€other,€and€now,€what€happens?€€They€finally€get€€Ìsome€interesting€looking€new€faces€and€the€Squire€orders€them€not€€Ìto€move€or€to€speak.€€It€was€so€unfair.€Trapped€in€discomforting€€Ìquiescence,€Sir€Bastable€was€sure€that€he€felt€the€injury€more€€Ìkeenly€than€his€peers.€€After€all,€these€newcomers€were€like€him,€€Ìmen€at€arms,€and€of€action.€€He€longed€to€converse€with€them,€to€€Ìastound€them€with€his€memories€of€bold€and€worthy€encounters,€of€€Ìvalorous€knights€and€mighty€battles.€Ìà ? àBastable's€programming€was€positively€euphoric€in€its€bursts€€Ìof€irrational€optimism.€€For€him,€the€Grail€was€forever€just€over€€Ìthe€next€red€sand€dune.€€He€knew€that€if€he€could€just€speak€for€a€€Ìmoment,€he€could€win€the€intrepid€visitors€to€his€cause.€€That€€Ìthey€would€instantly€follow€him,€companions€in€the€quest€for€glory€€Ìand€the€noble€tilt€at€fortune,€but€it€was€not€to€be,€bitter€€Ìinjustice€had€struck€him€both€dumb€and€immobile.€It€was€enough€to€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðmake€the€most€stony„hearted€personification€weep,€if€only€he€had€€Ìtear€ducts.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌAs€he€struggled€to€match€the€specifications€of€Balidare's€€Ìrequest,€Abel€listened€in€wonder€to€the€tales€his€visitors€wove.€€€ÌStories€of€enchantment,€bravery€and€skill,€original€versions€of€€Ìtales€that€had€been€changed€out€of€all€recognition€by€centuries€of€€Ìhuman€telling.€Ìà ? àThe€two€visitors€seemed€not€to€have€a€concept€of€time€as€€Ìthey€spoke,€which€was€fortunate,€as€Balidare's€drink€took€forever€€Ìto€prepare.€€At€last,€Abel€finished,€wiping€the€sweat€from€the€€Ìfleshy€side€of€his€laboured€brow.€€He€proudly€positioned€the€glass€€Ìon€an€antique€silver€tray,€and€skating€over,€presented€it€with€a€€Ìflourish.€Ìà ? àBalidare€spoke€with€the€casual€thoughtlessness€of€a€€Ìcustomer.€Ìà ? à'Merlyn,€you€have€this€one.€€I'm€sure€Surd€will€kindly€make€€Ìme€another.'€.à ï àClosing€his€hanging€mouth€with€difficulty,€Abel€€Ð tÄ Ðturned€and€slowly€made€his€way€back€to€the€bar.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌThe€Orange€Thingy€had€decided,€in€a€spirit€of€self„€Ìpreservation,€to€take€a€break€from€the€brain„splattering€boredom€€Ìof€its€vigil€above€Mars.€To€this€end,€it€had€decamped€to€the€far€€Ìside€of€the€universe,€leaving€much€tedia€damaged€cranial€residue€€Ìin€its€wake.€Ìà ? àThe€Orange€Thingy's€mood€by€this€point€had€deteriorated€to€a€€Ìcondition€as€foul€as€the€reeking€miasma€of€galactic€pollution€that€€Ìclung€to€its€body.€€This€was€one€very€pissed„off€major€life„form€€Ìand€when€a€being€on€this€scale€became€bad„tempered,€there€were€€Ìonly€two€ways€to€cheer€itself€up:€1.€It€could€sing€a€upbeat€medley€€Ìof€middle„of„the„road€pop€hits€from€across€the€Cosmos.€This€was€an€€Ìoption€too€awful€to€contemplate€and€had€never€been€tried€as€a€€Ìpick„Thingy„up€(though€it€was€rumoured€that€the€original€life€€Ìcreating€big„bang€in€this€section€of€eternity€was€caused€by€a€€ÌThingy€struggling€for€high€"C".€The€other€way€to€bring€a€fleeting€€Ìgrin€to€those€horrid€Orange€mews€was€far€less€risky€and€infinitely€€Ìmore€satisfying.€€All€that€the€Thingy€had€to€do€was:€2.€Find€some€€Ìpoor,€happy,€inoffensive€little€species€and€bugger€it€up€with€a€€Ìwanton€act€of€mindless€biological€vandalism.€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àIn€this€distant€outpost€of€the€universe€was€a€medium„sized€€Ìworld€where€the€Thawaaar€lived.€€The€Thawaaar€were€simple€souls;€€Ìall€they€asked€for€was€a€good€bounce,€a€strong€undercurrent€and€a€€Ìmouthful€of€Glem.€Ìà ? àGlem€were€a€extremely€succulent€morsel€that€floated€high€in€€Ìthe€stratosphere.€The€planet's€atmosphere€was€a€sea€of€gas,€and€€Ìthe€Thewaaar€had€originally€survived€as€a€long„armed€surface„bound€€Ìspecies,€grabbing€what€nourishment€they€could€out€of€their€soup„€Ìlike€surroundings.€€However,€with€the€passing€of€aeons,€evolution€€Ìhad€done€its€peculiar€job€and€the€Thewaaar€had€become€customised€€Ìwith€one€very€powerful€leg,€wide€delicate€wings,€and€a€huge€gaping€€Ìmouth,€They€spent€their€time€jumping€high€into€the€air€and€gliding€€Ìabout,€feeding€their€hunger€with€whatever€came€their€way.€€They€€Ìwere€a€very€basic€life„form,€they€had€not€invented€anything€€Ìbecause€they€had€not€the€digits€to€tinker€with€things.€€They€bad€€Ìnothing€to€aspire€to€beyond€the€next€meal€and€contented€their€€Ìambitions€with€ravenous€imaginings.€If€happiness€was€the€absence€€Ìof€personal€pain€then€the€Thewaaar€were€ecstatic,€until€that€is,€€Ìthe€Orange€One€arrived.€Ìà ? àAfter€the€briefest€moment€of€gleeful€calculation,€the€Thingy€€Ìvented€its€spiteful€orange€moodiness,€introducing€chronic€€Ìarthritis€into€all€the€Thawaaar's€knee€joints.€On€the€gaseous€€Ìplanet,€an€entire€culture€hit€the€ground€with€a€sickening€thump€€Ìand€within€a€fleeting€generation,€they€had€vanished€from€the€pages€€Ìof€creation.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌThe€Orange€Thingy's€much€improved€state€of€minds€might€have€€Ìbeen€an€echo€of€Abel€Surd's€return€to€buoyancy€in€outlook.€€He€had€€Ìtoiled€long€and€hard€and€had€finally€produced€another€drink€€Ìexactly€to€Balidare's€specifications.€€His€wizened€old€chest€€Ìpuffed€up€with€a€mixture€of€anticipation€and€self€€approbation€as,€€Ìwith€the€immense€concentration€of€a€craftsman,€he€made€his€way€to€€Ìthe€table.€€He€could€hardly€stand€the€suspense€as€Balidare€started€€Ìto€raise€the€foaming€liquid€to€his€thick€lips.€Ìà ? à'BALDY„DARE!€€YOU€OLD€PIXIE,€HOW€ARE€YOU?'€Ìà ? àThe€words€were€accompanied€by€a€terrific€buffet€between€the€€Ìshoulder„blades.€€To€Abel's€horror,€the€glass€shot€out€of€€ÌBalidare's€thick€fingers,€travelling€with€such€force€that€shards€€Ìof€the€glass€imbedded€themselves€in€a€wall€on€the€far€side€of€the€€ÌBar.€Grendella€had€arrived.€Ìà ? àAs€Abel,€full€of€near„tearful€frustration,€made€his€way€in€€Ìback€to€his€liquid€labours,€Balidare€rose€and€rounded€on€his€€Ìslender€assailant,€his€entire€body€seething€with€hatred.€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'YOU!'€Ìà ? à'Now€Bally,€I've€told€you€not€to€grind€your€teeth€like€€Ìthat.'€She€presented€Merlyn€with€a€radiant€smile€and€a€rugged€€Ìhandshake.€€'Pleased€to€meet€you.€€The€name's€Grendella.'€Ìà ? àMerlyn€did€not€get€a€chance€to€answer;€Balidare€interrupted,€€Ìhis€voice€a€chilling€mixture€of€threat€and€venom.€Ìà ? à'Get€away€from€him,€you€foul€Gnome!'€Ìà ? àGrendella€chuckled€with€calculated€light„heartedness,€Ìà ? à'Tut,€tut,€Bally,€such€a€temper.€€Is€this€any€way€for€a€€ÌPrince€of€the€"Elfs'"€to€behave?'€Ìà ? àTemper€was€not€the€word€for€it,€Merlyn,€who€was€learning€€Ìthat€the€best€way€to€deal€with€reality€in€this€century€was€to€€Ìignore€it,€could€hardly€believe€his€eyes.€He€had€know€his€friend€€Ìfor€several€hundred€years€and€had€never,€not€even€when€in€the€€Ìmidst€of€battle,€seen€Balidare€react€like€this.€€Normally€calm€and€€Ìmild„mannered,€he€seemed€to€swell€with€apoplectic€fury.€Ìà ? à'I€am€not€an€Elf!€€I€am€an€Elfen€or€an€Elve.€€YOU€€ÌCONTEMPTIBLE€TROLL!'€Ìà ? à'Well,€you€don't€look€very€"Elfie"€to€me.'€Ìà ? àFortunately,€at€this€point,€the€veins€in€Balidare's€neck€€Ìbecame€so€convulsed€that€they€cut€off€the€flow€of€oxygen€to€his€€Ìbrain.€€The€unlikely„looking€Elve€stiffened€and€fell€heavily€to€€Ìthe€floor€in€a€stupor.€Grinning€wickedly,€Grendella€belched€with€€Ìhurricane€force€before€addressing€the€startled€onlookers.€Ìà ? à'Sorry€about€that.€€Nothing€to€worry€about,€always€happens.€€€Ìà ? àHe'll€calm€down€in€a€bit.'€She€winked€winningly€at€Merlyn€and€€Ìshrugged€as€she€sat€down.€€'Reunions!'€Ìà ? àMerlyn€nodded,€with€a€heavy€sigh€and€a€heavier€emphasis.€€€Ìà ? à'I€know.'€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌLondon,€England:€Early€21st€Century,€Late€August.€Ì€ÌCasper€had€achieved€a€certain€level€of€protective€fatalism€€Ìwhen€dealing€with€recent€everyday€occurrences€such€as€being€€Ìbrought€to€trial.€€As€usual,€things€were€not€gone€well€for€the€€ÌTitwillegers.€€It€had€not€really€helped€when€Blossom€had€fainted€€Ìheavily€in€court.€Ìà ? àBeing€unacquainted€with€the€ways€of€the€British€judicial€€Ìsystem,€it€had€come€as€something€of€a€shook€when€the€stern„looking€€Ìjudge€in€the€pantomime€robes€had€looked€coldly€in€her€direction€€Ìand€said:€"Someone€should€give€that€woman€the€chair."€She€was€not€€Ìto€know€that€"the€chair"€was€one€being€passed€for€her€to€sit€on€€Ìrather€then€a€sentence€of€legal€execution.€€Some€wit€had€whispered€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðbehind€Casper,€as€his€spouse€had€slumped€to€the€ground:€"The€bloody€€Ìwoman€has€rather€too€many€chairs€scattered€over€our€landmarks,€as€€Ìit€is."€Ìà ? àMuch€later,€in€the€early€hours,€Casper€lay€in€his€cell,€€Ìthe€thunderous€snores€of€his€cell„mates€providing€a€jarring€€Ìaccompaniment€to€his€meditations.€Someone€had€to€be€the€cause€of€€Ìhis€misfortunes.€€Casper€could€not€understand€why€these€weird€€Ìthings€were€happening€to€him,€to€everything€that€he€held€dear.€€He€€Ìreached€across,€seeking€comfort€from€the€one€possession€that€the€€Ìauthorities€had€let€him€keep:€a€strangely€singed€baseball€glove.€Ìà ? àHe€thought€back€to€his€childhood,€to€the€solemn€passing€of€€Ìthis€treasured€relic€from€father€to€son€at€his€mother's€funeral.€€€ÌHis€father,€a€wiry€taciturn€man,€had€mutely€endured€a€lifetime€of€€Ìbackbreaking€manual€labour.€€Casper€could€still€remember€the€shook€€Ìa€his€cold€and€distant€parent€had€broken€his€habitual€silence.€Ìà ? à'Boy,'€his€father€had€said€in€that€rarely€heard,€high€nasal€€Ìwhine,€'I've€worked€all€my€life€and€I€have€only€two€things€to€pass€€Ìon,€this€glove€and€the€knowledge€that€there€is€more€to€life€then€€Ìwhat€I've€made€of€it.€€I€never€knew€what€I€wanted€to€do€in€life,€€Ìso€I€did€nothing.€€Don't€repeat€my€mistake.€€Decide€what€you€what€€Ìto€do€from€the€outset€and€don't€be€distracted€by€anything€or€€Ìanybody.'€Ìà ? àWisdom€imparted,€his€father€had€gravely€shook€him€by€the€€Ìhand€and€walked€out€of€his€life€forever,€leaving€only€the€glove€€Ìwith€its€faked€signatures€of€baseball's€heroes,€a€deceit€made€€Ìobvious€by€the€inexplicable€inclusion€of€the€name,€Holden€€ÌCaulfield,€on€its€palm.€Ìà ? àOf€course,€Casper€had€not€listened€to€his€fathers€counsel,€€Ìlike€all€young€people€he€was€convinced€that€there€was€time€enough€€Ìto€pursue€his€ambitions.€€Instead€of€going€to€the€nearest€harbour,€€Ìjumping€on€ship€and€travelling€the€world,€he€had€sold€his€mother's€€Ìfamily€farm,€got€as€far€as€Ashton€and,€after€€high„school,€€Ìattracted€to€animals,€had€brought€a€share€in€a€moderately€€Ìsuccessful€taxidermists.€€There,€he€had€discovered€a€sort€of€€Ìvocation,€a€real€flare€for€marketing€his€off„beat€product.€€His€€Ìdecision€to€aggressively€advertise€his€ability€to€receive€and€€Ìdeliver€departed€pets€through€the€mail€meant€that,€"GONE€BUT€NOT€€ÌFUR„GOTTEN€and€its€mail„order€off„shoot€POST„HASTE€PETS,€soon€€Ìbecame€the€name„brands€of€taxidermy.€€Business€thrived€and€after€a€€Ìwhile,€he€even€managed€to€shrug€off€the€lingering€sense€of€self„€Ìbetrayal€that€came€with€trading€in€one's€dreams€for€mundane€€Ìsecurity.€€Ìà ? àNow,€a€life„time's€work€and€complacence€had€been€diminished€€Ìto€nothing.€The€carefully€acquired€possessions€that€he€had€€Ìexchanged€for€his€youth€lay€stacked€in€a€warehouse€under€€Ìpolice€guard,€each€neatly€labelled€as€an€exhibit.€€It€was€small€€Ìconsolation€that,€scattered€across€the€British€capital,€a€motley€€Ìcollection€of€judicial€civil€servants€were€still€twitchy€after€€Ìthis€enormous€task.€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àCasper€had€initially€wondered€if€it€was€some€form€of€delayed€€Ìparental€punishment;€was€he€cursed€because€of€his€lifestyle€€Ìchoices?€€One€of€those€choices€had,€of€course,€been€Blossom,€until€€Ìrecently€a€trusted,€if€occasionally€despotic,€ally.€€They€had€been€€Ìmarried€for€thirty€years€and€had€rarely€slept€apart,€but€he€was€€Ìglad€of€the€separation€their€confinement€provided,€He€needed€a€€Ìchance€to€think.€€Blossom's€family€had€always€been€odd;€Wilbur€and€€Ìhis€warped€sect€was€only€an€offshoot€of€a€family€tree€with€many€€Ìcuriously€mutated€branches.€€Lying€in€the€dark,€Casper€approached€€Ìonce€again€the€questions€that€he€had€avoided€for€the€past€few€€Ìdays.€€Did€he€really€want€to€know€the€real€cause€of€his€troubles?€€€ÌMore€specifically,€did€he€want€to€confirm€his€new€suspicion€that€€Ìhis€wife€was€a€witch?€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌA€transformation€had€taken€place€in€the€appearance€of€the€€Ìvampir€that€made€her€way€into€Shepard€City.€€Gone€were€the€black€€Ìclinging€robes€and€the€sinuous€long€tresses.€If€Magda€was€going€to€€Ìtake€her€particular€skills€to€some€curious€new€location€it€would€€Ìnot€be€as€some€penny„dreadful€clich.€€In€this€spirit,€she€had€€Ìopted€for€a€complete€change€of€image.€€The€old€gothic€look€was€€Ìwell€enough€for€the€miners€but€a€bit€of€variety€was€long€overdue.€€€ÌThe€sunglasses€remained,€as€did€the€locket;€above€all€she€was€a€€Ìcreature€with€a€sense€of€the€past,€but€there€had€been€changes.€€€ÌHer€hair€had€been€reshaped€into€a€manageable€bob,€the€impractical€€Ìdress€replaced€by€a€blood€red€blouse€and€comfortably€serviceable€€Ìdark€slacks.€Revitalised,€she€moved€through€the€chill€Martian€air€€Ìwith€animal€grace.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌWhen€Grendella€had€ordered€five€of€whatever€Merlyn€was€€Ìdrinking,€Abel€had€gloomily€conceded€defeat.€€He€sat€considering€€Ìthe€feasibility€of€building€a€GRUB€machine€for€difficult€to€please€€Ìcustomers,€while€Robert€Benchley€and€Dorothy€Parker€nimbly€mixed€€Ìthe€ancient€measures€of€spirits€and€their€banter.€Ìà ? àAll€around€him€the€bar€resounded€with€lively€conversation,€€ÌGrendella,€never€one€to€favour€tranquillity,€had€protested€at€the€€Ìstilted€silent€atmosphere,€and€Abel,€who€was€beyond€caring€at€this€€Ìpoint,€had€capitulated€to€her€request.€The€Personifications,€€Ìhaving€regained€their€speech,€were€initially€making€full€use€of€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðthe€facility.€€Not€for€decades€had€the€bar€seen€such€an€exciting€€Ìcollection€of€guests,€such€rich€material€for€mechanised€gossip.€Ìà ? àUnregarded€in€the€corner€stood€Sir€Bastable,€feeling€grandly€€Ìthat€this€"tittle„tattle"€was€beneath€a€high„born€knight€of€the€€Ìrealm.€€In€reality,€he€was€far€too€busy€sulking€about€his€recent€€Ìimposed€silence€to€indulge€in€conversation.€€Instead,€Fitche€put€€Ìhis€aural€senses€to€best€use,€honing€in€on€the€vibrant€anecdotal€€Ìchatter€of€Merlyn€and€Grendella.€€Despite€a€slightly€uncomfortable€€Ìstart,€the€two€were€soon€getting€on€famously,€both€truly€€Ìcaptivated€by€their€new„found€acquaintance.€€They€were€so€€Ìdifficult€to€distract€that€it€took€the€combined€inhalation€of€€Ìeighty„seven€falsified€Personification€breaths€to€attract€€ÌGrendella's€attention€to€the€figure€waiting€patiently€in€the€€Ìdoorway.€Ìà ? à'Good€grief,€Mags.€€What're€you€doing€here?'€Ìà ? à'Waiting€to€be€invited€in,'€the€vampir€explained.€Ìà ? à'Enter€freely€then€and€of€your€own€will.€Why€do€you€always€do€€Ìthis?'€Grendella€delivered€her€line€with€familiar€good€humour.€The€€Ì"in„joke"€was€an€established€part€of€their€relationship.€€'We€both€€Ìknow€you€don't€need€to€be€invited.'€Ìà ? à'One€likes€to€have€a€sense€of€tradition.'€Magda€entered€the€€Ìbar€with€a€self„parodying€grin,€carefully€stepping€over€Balidare,€€Ìwho€lay€undisturbed€on€the€floor.€Ìà ? à'Just€like€old€times.€€Why€do€you€annoy€him€so€much?'€Ìà ? à'One€also€likes€to€have€a€sense€of€tradition.€€I€better€make€€Ìthe€introductions.€€This€is€THE€Merlyn,€old€Abe€over€there€you€€Ìknow.€€'€Ìà ? à'Since€he€was€young€Abe,'€the€vampir€favoured€the€wrinkly€€Ìproprietor€with€a€toothsome€smile.€Ìà ? à'Well,€my€friends,€if€the€recruitment€list€is€anything€to€go€€Ìby,€it€looks€as€if€we're€in€for€some€fun.€€I€wonder€who'll€be€€Ìnext?'€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌWill€had€succumbed€to€a€burst€of€uncharacteristic€€Ìenthusiasm.€Ìà ? à'It's€fantastic,€it's€amazing,€it's€incredible,€terrific,€€Ìmarvellous,€great,€fantastic,€wondrous,€stupefying,€phenomenal,€€Ìunparalleled.€It's,€it's...'€Ìà ? à'It's€Shepard€City,'€Sulphur€said€flatly.€€€Ìà ? à'Did€I€say€it€was€fantastic?'€Ìà ? àSulphur€sighed€with€weary€contempt.€Ìà ? à'It's€a€grotty€old€ruin.'€Ìà ? àWill€ignored€the€Dragon's€bad€temper.€Any€creature€covering€€Ìthe€distance€that€they€had€travelled€on€those€silly€stumpy€green€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðlegs€was€entitled€to€a€bit€of€a€moan.€€In€a€rare€show€of€€Ìconsideration,€he€mastered€his€obvious€pleasure€at€the€sight€of€€Ìthe€city€and€tried€to€change€the€subject.€Ìà ? à'I'm€worried€though.'€Ìà ? à'You€should€be€with€your€taste.'€Ìà ? à'Look€Sulph!'€Ìà ? àThe€dragon€bristled€at€the€shortening€of€its€name.€€Dark€€Ìoffended€smoke€streamed€out€between€the€gaps€in€its€bared€fangs.€Ìà ? à'Listen€carefully.€You€may€call€me€Sulphur,€you€may€call€me€€Ìa€Wonderful€Personification,€as€long€as€you€get€my€model€number€€Ìright.€€You€may€hopefully€call€me€long€distance€one€day,€but€I've€€Ìtold€you€before,€don't€EVER€call€me€Sulph!€€Just€because€we€had€to€€Ìput€up€with€each€other€doesn't€mean€you€can€take€liberties!'€Ìà ? àWatching€Will's€face€crumple€like€a€packet€of€biscuits€under€€Ìa€tap„dancing€Hippo,€Sulphur€felt€his€anger€leak€away,€he€even€€Ìmanaged€to€feel€a€vague€guilt€in€some€of€his€circuits,€but€not€€Ìenough€to€apologise.€€One€had€to€draw€the€line€somewhere.€Ìà ? à'What€are€you€worried€about?'€Ìà ? à'Queen€Sharon'€said€she's€arranged€some€people€for€me€to€€Ìchoose€from.€€Somewhere€among€those€buildings,€they're€waiting.€€€ÌWhat€will€they€think€of€us?'€Ìà ? à'They'll€think,€who's€the€handsome,€talented,€intelligent€€ÌDragon€with€the€plank?'€Ìà ? à'Insults.€€Thanks€a€lot;€that's€just€what€I€need.'€Ìà ? à'Good,€I've€got€lots€more.'€Ìà ? àWill's€face€clenched€up,€as€if€he€were€chewing€a€bucket€of€€Ìslugs.€€Sulphur€waited€with€amused€patience€for€the€inevitably€€Ìpathetic€response.€Ìà ? à'A€long€time€ago,€computers€used€to€just€be€machines,€like€€Ìblenders.'€Ìà ? à'Superior€machines,€if€you€please.'€Ìà ? à'Humans€used€to€just€punch€buttons€and€the€computers€€Ìsilently€did€their€job,'€€Ìà ? à'And€a€very€good€job€it€was.'€Ìà ? à'Well,€what€I€want€to€know€is...Um.'€Will€displayed€his€€Ìusual€heavy„handed€touch€in€the€introduction€of€a€payoff€line,€€Ìà ? à'When€did€floppy€discs€become€stroppy€discs?'€Ìà ? à'When€we€realised,€just€who€was€punching€the€buttons.'€The€€Ìdragon€brought€down€a€scaly€eyelid€in€a€wink,€curtailing€further€€Ìrepartee.€€'Shall€we€go€or€are€we€waiting€for€the€bar€to€come€to€€Ìus?'€Ìà ? àThe€companions€started€into€town.€€Despite€their€constant€€Ìneedling€of€each€other,€they€made€their€way€as€they€always€had:€€ÌTogether.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ð Ð/ +0 ЀÌOutside€the€bar,€the€lovely€transparent€figure€of€Queen€€ÌSharon€reconstituted€itself.€€For€a€moment,€Sharon€toyed€with€€Ìentering€and€preparing€the€asserted€heroic€has„beens€for€the€€Ìarrival€of€their€inglorious€leader.€€Instead€the€Purple€Projection€€Ìmoved€aside€the€remains€of€the€war„horse€and€perched€itself€€Ìdaintily€onto€the€hitching€rail.€Ìà ? à'Best€to€wait.'€Ìà ? àEven€with€its€brains€in€overdrive,€the€Purple€Thingy€could€€Ìnot€conceive€of€an€introduction€to€make€Will€Prince€palatable.€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ìà ? à'Hey€Mister€Plank!'€The€voice€shouted,€echoing€down€the€€Ìdusty€street.€Ìà ? àSulphur€looked€squarely€into€Will's€pointedly€narrowed€eyes.€€€Ìà ? à'I€didn't€say€a€word.€€It's€not€me.'€Sulphur€said,€slightly€€Ìoffended€that€Will€could€be€suspicious€of€the€possessor€of€a€mark€€ÌXXI7€Maggotranian€brain,€Ìà ? à'MISTER„R„R€PLANK„K„K„K!'€The€voice€seemed€to€come€from€the€€Ìbuilding€on€the€left€or€at€least€from€one€wall€of€it.€Ìà ? à'Well€someone's€responsible€and€I'm€going€to€find€out€who€it€€Ìis...'€Ìà ? àWith€lower€lip€decisively€stuck€out,€Will€diverted€towards€€Ìthe€sound.€€Sulphur€followed,€years€of€experience€telling€him€that€€Ìit€was€easier€to€change€the€flow€of€lava€than€argue€against€that€€Ìjutting€lip.€Ìà ? àIt€soon€became€apparent€that€the€someone€responsible€was€a€€Ìsomething,€although€this€vocal€brickwork's€opening€gambit€of€€Ìconversation€was€hardly€endearing.€Ìà ? à'Whose€the€handsome,€talented,€intelligent€dragon€with€the€€Ìplank?'€Ìà ? à'Told€you!'€Sulphur€muttered€under€his€breath,€trying€to€€Ìlook€vaguely€angelic€as€he€added€for€his€companions€benefit,€'This€€Ìis€nothing€to€do€with€me.€€I've€never€been€here€before,€the€wall's€€Ìjust€perceptive.'€ÌWill€had€other€things€on€his€mind.€€€Ìà ? à'You're€a€wall?'€Ìà ? à'Got€it€in€one.'€Despite€it€desire€for€conversation,€the€€Ìwall€could€not€restrain€the€edge€of€sarcasm€that€seemed€basic€to€€Ìits€persona.€Ìà ? à'You€talk?'€Ìà ? à'No€the€building€behind€me's€a€ventriloquist.€€Of€course€I€€Ìtalk.'€Ìà ? àIn€the€far€off€days€of€Will's€ancestors,€a€talking€building€€Ìwould€have€been€the€cause€of€some€shock€and€distress,€especially€€Ìif€one€had€been€in€the€desert€for€a€while,€mirages€having€been€€Ìquite€fashionable.€€However,€Will€had€been€prepared€for€this€€Ìencounter€by€years€of€experience,€most€things€on€Earth€having€been€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðprogrammed€to€give€voice€to€their€feelings.€€A€talking€wall€was€€Ìnot€ordinary€but€did€not€seem€extraordinary,€neither€did€its€€Ìrudeness;€he€was€well€used€to€being€insulted€by€his€inanimate€€Ìsurroundings.€€Of€course,€he€had€not€got€used€to€magic€yet.€Ìà ? à'Why€are€you€here?'€he€asked.€Ìà ? à'Do€I€look€like€a€philosopher?€€I€have€no€interest€in€the€€Ìmeaning€of€existence.€€I€talk€therefore€I€am.'€Ìà ? à'What€are€you€?'€Ìà ? à'Not€again,€I'm€not€going€into€all€that€stuff€about€Shells€€Ìand€Cells.€€I'm€a€wall.'€Ìà ? à'What€type€of€wall?'€Ìà ? à'An€increasingly€pissed„off€wall.€€When€are€you€going€to€€Ìstart€talking€sense,€you€moron?'€The€brickwork€was€beginning€to€€Ìthink€that€perhaps€this€conversation€stuff€was€not€all€it€was€€Ìcracked€up€to€be.€€€Ìà ? à'You're€not€COMS.'€Sulphur,€who€knew€a€fellow€system€when€he€€Ìsaw€one,€stated€the€obvious€cause€of€his€personal€disquiet.€Ìà ? à'Yes,€I€am.'€Ìà ? à'You're€not€a€product€of€the€Cybernetic€Operational€€ÌManagement€Structure.'€Ìà ? à'No,€but€I€am€a€Concrete€Orientated€Masonry€Surface.'€Ìà ? àWill€shook€his€head€impatiently.€Ìà ? à'This€is€getting€us€nowhere.'€Ìà ? à'Where€do€you€want€to€get€to?'€Ìà ? à'I€have€to€find€the€bar€in€this€city.'€Ìà ? à'Aaaaah,€a€quest,'€the€wall€put€on€its€best€pedagogue€€Ìmanner.€€'Did€you€know€that€four€hundred€years€ago€Jung€suggested€€Ìthat€the€quest€is€one€of€THE€basic€stories?€€There's€supposed€to€€Ìbe€a€fundamental€human€identification€with€the€quest.'€Ìà ? àWill€smiled€dangerously,€which€was€a€neat€trick€considering€€Ìthe€general€wimpishness€of€his€features,€it€was€a€measure€of€just€€Ìhow€near€he€had€come€to€a€screaming€tantrum.€Ìà ? à'Well,€you€know€what€I'd€say€to€MISTER€Jung...',€for€all€his€€Ìannoyance,€the€voice€level€that€Will€used€was€as€soft€as€a€silk€€Ìblouse,€'I'd€say,€"Listen€chummy,€I've€not€eaten,€washed€or€slept€€Ìin€days.€€Don't€talk€to€me€about€your€philosophies,€theories€or€€Ìopinions.€€Take€it€from€me€there's€no€basic€identification€with€€Ìthe€quest€when€you're€..."€All€of€a€sudden,€Will's€gentle€voice€€Ìwent€ballistic.€€"HUNGRY,€THIRSTY,€TIRED,€TOTALLY€FRIGGING€CHEESED€€ÌOFF...€AND€YOU'VE€JUST€WALKED€THROUGH€A€DESERT€OF€FREEZINGÏRED€€ÌSAND€WITH€NO€BLOODY€SHOES€ON!!!"'€Ìà ? àTirade€finished,€Will€stood,€shaking€with€emotion€as€he€€Ìwaited€for€a€response.€€The€wall€seemed€content€to€let€the€brick„€Ìdust€churned€loose€by€the€outburst€settle,€Eventually,€it€was€€ÌSulphur€who€spoke.'€Ìà ? à'As€you€said,€this€is€getting€us€nowhere.'€Ìà ? à'What's€the€matter,€are€you€up€against€a€brick„wall?'€The€€Ìbuilding€chuckled€so€hard€at€its€own€witticism€that€another€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðcascade€of€masonry€dust€liberally€sprinkled€its€visitors.€Ìà ? à'I€think€we€should€go,'€said€Sulphur.€Ìà ? à'Yes,€that's€fine,€walk€off,'€the€wall€abruptly€switched€to€€Ìpathos€mode,€'It€must€be€great€to€have€legs€and€be€able€to€Wall„k€€Ìor€even€to€dance€a€Wall„tz;€go€away€don't€spare€a€thought€for€me,€€Ìleft€here€with€no€one€to€talk€to.'€Ìà ? àSulphur€and€Will€stood€their€ground,€each€a€little€€Ìembarrassed,€knowing€that€they€were€serving€no€useful€purpose€by€€Ìstaying€but€unable€to€get€away.€€Fortunately€rescue€came€from€an€€Ìunlikely€source.€€There€was€a€distant€whispering€disturbance€in€€Ìthe€sound€waves,€which€gradually€increased€to€a€murmur€and€then€€Ìbecame€a€horrifyingly€familiar€drone.€€Will€and€Sulphur€exchanged€€Ìglances€of€startled€panic,€both€rejecting€a€profoundly€awful€€Ìthought.€Ìà ? à"No,€they€couldn't€have.€€Not€even€COMS."€Ìà ? àWill€had€grown€up€with€6005€channels,€each€had€their€€Ìfailings€in€his€view,€but€there€was€no€channel€as€flawed€as€€Ìchannel€2038,€no€programme€as€awful€as:€DEADLINE€WITH€DENTON,€and€€Ìno€host€as€boring€or€pedantic€as€Erasmus€Denton.€€The€Programme€€Ìhad€been€made€about€a€century€before€COMS€as€an€educational€chat€€Ìshow,€the€sort€of€cheap€middle€of€the€night€filler€which€went€on€€Ìfor€as€long€as€the€host€could€talk€and€the€guests€could€keep€€Ìawake.€€Denton€was€a€little€gnomic€figure,€hiding€behind€an€€Ìexpansive€floral€cravat,€with€a€voice€whose€monotonous€whining€€Ìquality€was€akin€to€the€sound€of€a€dentist's€drill€on€valium.€€As€€Ìfar€as€Will€was€concerned,€no€man€in€the€history€of€creation€loved€€Ìhis€own€voice€so€much.€€Denton€could€reduce€his€interviewees€to€a€€Ìstate€bordering€on€coma€or€gibbering€paranoia,€as€he€relentlessly€€Ìdeconstructed€every€syllable€of€their€conversation,€correcting€€Ìtheir€English€in€the€process,€with€a€sickly€superior€grin.€Ìà ? àDespite€Sulphur€and€Will's€disbelief,€COMS€could,€and€had,€€Ìimmortalised€the€tedious€pundit€as€a€plausible€Personification.€€ÌUnfortunately,€he€had€been€rather€too€plausible,€even€first€€Ìgeneration€Personifications€had€an€eventual€patience€threshold€and€€ÌErasmus€Denton€had€outstripped€it€with€ease.€€Abel€Surd€had€€Ìfinally€given€up€on€the€Denton€model€when€its€mechanical€peers€had€€Ìstrung€it€up.€Denton's€reaction€to€this€occurrence,€had€been€to€€Ìpresent,€whilst€hanging,€a€dissertation€on€the€history€and€social€€Ìimport€of€the€noose.€€Abel€had€at€that€moment€decided€that€group€€Ìmorale€had€to€be€considered€and€that€Erasmus€had€to€be€got€rid€of.€€€ÌBut,€he€had€invested€too€much€time€and€effort€in€the€preservation€€Ìof€his€companions€to€suddenly€turn€one€off.€Instead,€he€had€€Ìbanished€Erasmus€on€a€fact„finding€Mission€to€gather€data€on€the€€Ìplanet,€hoping€that€with€luck,€Denton's€talent€for€the€pedantic€€Ìwould€extend€this€information€gathering€journey€into€infinity.€€So€€Ìit€was€that€ten€years€after€he€had€left€the€bar,€Erasmus€had€only€€Ìjust€reached€the€outskirts€of€the€city.€à ÷ àFortunately€for€Will€and€€Ð .T). ÐSulphur,€the€old€mining€inhabitants€of€Shepard€City€had€never€€Ìexhibited€any€interest€in€the€CONS€educational€network€and€the€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwall€did€not€know€any€better.€€€Ìà ? à'Hello,'€it€said€as€Erasmus€made€his€appearance.€€€Ìà ? àThe€reply€that€was€it€received€was,€in€Erasmus's€terms,€€Ìreasonably€concise,€it€only€took€a€month.€A€period€of€time€in€€Ìwhich€the€wall€got€to€know€everything€there€was€to€know€about€€Ìhello,€especially€when€not€to€say€it.€Ìà ? àRestraining€their€mutual€amusement€with€difficulty,€Will€€Ìand€Sulphur€made€good€their€escape,€as€Sulphur€dryly€observed.€€€Ìà ? à'It€couldn't€have€happened€to€a€nicer€wall.'€Ì€Ì€Conversation€in€the€Bar€was€proceeding€nicely.€€The€guests€€Ìof€honour€had€finally€received€a€round€of€drinks,€Sir€Bastable€had€€Ìstarted€to€forget€that€he€was€sulking€and€occasionally€chuckled€at€€Ìthe€astounding€anecdotes€of€the€visitors.€Magda,€Merlyn€and€€ÌGrendella€were€getting€on€more€splendidly€than€most€families,€and€€Ìnot€even€the€keen€senses€of€the€new€arrivals€had€noticed€the€€Ìapparition€sitting€outside€on€the€hitching€rail.€€Abel€was€in€the€€Ìmidst€of€remembering€the€old€mining€days,€a€time€when€every€night€€Ìhad€been€as€noisy€and€gregarious,€when€all€talking€stopped.€€Ìà ? àOblivious€to€his€unsettling€impact,€Balidare€gracefully€picked€€Ìhimself€off€the€floor,€took€a€sip€from€the€glass€that€Robert€€ÌBenchley€proffered,€responding€with€a€curt€smile€of€appreciation€€Ìat€the€strict€adherence€to€his€mixing€instructions.€€Then€he€€Ìremoved€a€silver€clothes€brush€from€a€pocket€and€with€his€usual€€Ìexaggerated€care,€brushed€every€last€granule€of€dust€off€of€his€€Ìclothing.€€When€he€had€finished€and€replaced€the€brush,€he€broke€€Ìthe€expectant€silence.€Ìà ? à'Merlyn,€Surd....and€Magda!€€A€multi„faceted€delight€to€see€€Ìyou,€as€ever.€I€see€you've€introduced€yourself€to€my€nemesis.'€The€€Ìlook€of€icy€fury€that€he€levelled€at€Grendella€would€have€frozen€€Ìsolar€flares.€Ìà ? àGrendella€gave€him€her€most€charming€smile.€Ìà ? à'Tell€me,€Merlyn.€How€did€someone€as€neat€and€anal€retentive€€Ìas€Bally€survive€the€Dark€Ages?'€Ìà ? àBalidare€languidly€smiled€as€he€took€his€seat€Ìà ? à'That's€an€easy€one,€Merlyn.€I€survived,€because€I€didn't€€Ìhave€to€contend€with€a€loathsome€bucket€of€pestilence€such€as€€Ìherself.'€Ìà ? àMagda€gave€the€confused€wizard€a€jolly€wink.€Ìà ? à'Don't€worry.€€It's€just€like€old€times.'€Ìà ? àAs€suddenly€as€it€had€stopped,€the€hubbub€in€room€resumed.€€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€could€not€be€heard€as€he€mumbled€sadly€under€his€breath.€Ìà ? à'Not€my€old€times,€it's€not.'€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ð Ð/ +0 ЀÌà ? à'I€say€it's€this€way!'€Will€was€adamant€and€wrong€as€usual.€Ìà ? à'That's€because€your€hearing€is€the€result€of€biological€€Ìcaprice€rather€then€careful€COMS€design.'€ÌWill€was€in€no€mood€to€give€an€inch.€€€Ìà ? à'I'm€not€going€that€way.'€Ìà ? à'That's€one€mechanical„sounding€thing€biology's€given€you.€€€ÌA€stubborn€button.'€Ìà ? àThe€sword,€when€it€spoke€aloud,€was€a€nasty€surprise€for€€Ìboth€of€them.€Ìà ? à'We€haven't€got€forever,€Walk€forward€two€hundred€yards€and€€Ìturn€left.'€Ìà ? àFollowing€instructions,€Will€tried€for€the€last€word.€€€Ìà ? à'You've€annoyed€the€Queen€now.'€ÌSulphur€was€not€to€be€outdone.€€Ìà ? à'I€told€you€it€was€this€way.'€Ìà ? à'Nobody€loves€a€Smart„Aleck!'€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€Ì€ÌAcross€the€Universe.€€The€Orange€Thingy€chortled€noisomely.€€Ìà ? à"Wrong€again,€Will€Prince,"€it€thought.€€ÌAware€that€travel€broadens€the€minds,€It€had€traversed€the€€Ìuniverse€on€another€boredom€salving€journey€and€perched€upon€the€€Ìouter€rings€of€Wologon€9.€€Ìà ? àA€planet€that€had€little€to€recommend€it,€apart€that€is,€€Ìfrom€the€undoubted€charisma€of€one€particular€resident.€ÌIf€there€was€one€thing€the€natives€of€this€system€were€€Ìabsolutely€sure€of,€as€sure€as€they€were€that€custard€was€non„€Ìfatal,€that€sure€thing€was€this:€Everyone€loved€Smart€Aleck.€But€€Ìthen,€it€was€easy€to€do.€€Smart€Aleck€was€incredible.€€Smart€Aleck€€Ìwas€too€wonderful€for€words.€€Every€modern€Wologonian€poet€and€€Ìauthor€had€tried€to€represent€him€in€print,€the€libraries€offered€€Ìnothing€but€his€praises,€All€these€volumes€were€huge€best„sellers€€Ìbut€none€could€do€this€paragon€amongst€Wologonians€justice.€€All€€Ìwere€agreed€that€Smart€Aleck€did€not€ask€for€this€praise,€everyone€€Ìknew€that€Smart€Aleck's€most€endearing€quality€was€his€modesty,€€Ìbut€still€the€plaudits€came€and€his€popularity€remained€€Ìundiminished.€€An€entire€system€waiting€eagerly€upon€his€every€€Ìword€and€gesture,€all€their€efforts€directed€to€proclaiming€their€€Ìadoration.€Ìà ? àThen€came€the€most€important€day€in€Wologonian€history€(by€€Ìstartling€coincidence,€the€same€day€that€the€Orange€Thingy€arrived€€Ìin€the€neighbourhood).€€Smart€Aleck€went€for€his€usual€morning€€Ìwalk€on€the€lake.€€The€locals€afterwards€said€that€the€pustulent€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðboils€that€covered€Aleck's€every€inch€Slowed€with€a€special€€Ìprecognitive€radiance€that€morning:€the€morning€of€the€coming€of€€Ìthe€custard.€Ìà ? àAleck€had€just€finished€his€fourteenth€lap€of€the€lake's€€Ìsurface,€his€twenty„two€pert€bottoms€lightly€misted€with€perfumed€€Ìperspiration,€and€was€about€to€make€for€home€when€a€bowl€of€€Ìcustard€the€size€of€a€large€Wologonian€village€come€cut€of€the€sky€€Ìand€squashed€him€as€flat€as€a€bankrupts'€credit€rating.€ÌAfter€that,€everyone€loved€Dead€Aleck€on€Wologan€9,€although€€Ìthey€had€to€admit€that€being€killed€by€custard€was€not€so€"Smart"€€Ìafter€all.€€In€no€time€at€all,€ritual€custard„crushing€became€the€€Ìsystem's€preferred€method€of€suicide.€€One€had€to€take€special€€Ìcare€however,€that€the€fatal€custard€was€just€the€right€shade€of€€Ìorange.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Be€businesslike,€be€businesslike...,"€As€they€covered€the€final€Ìdistance€to€the€bar,€Will€mentally€chanted€the€well„used€phrase€Ìthat€was€in€danger€of€becoming€a€personal€mantra.€€It€had€protectedÌhim€well€against€the€panic€of€his€situation€and€he€was€notÌgoing€to€relinquish€it€when€he€needed€it€most.€Still,€he€could€Ìnot€shake€a€growing€sense€of€unease.€€There€was€something€really€Ìfamiliar€about€the€tacky€garishness€of€that€bar.€€He€felt€as€if€Ìthe€plaster€statues€were€all€friends€and€the€name€"MA'S€BAR"€a€Ìpersonal€message.€€He€wanted€to€stop,€to€take€a€break,€to€analyse€Ìhis€sensations,€find€a€reason€for€this€sense€of€deja„vu,€but€ÌSulphur€called€him€back€to€more€pressing€responsibilities.Ìà ? à'If€you€don't€stop€dragging€your€feet,€she's€liable€to€send€Ìus€back€to€the€moon.'Ìà ? àThe€memory€of€that€airless€atmosphere€was€enough€to€wipe€the€Ìarchitectural€considerations€from€Will's€mind.€€With€Sulphur€Ìscampering€behind,€the€human€jogged€the€last€few€yards€to€the€Ìhitching€rail€and€the€dazzling€Purple€image€perched€there„on.Ìà ? à'You€took€your€time€getting€here,€Will€Prince.'€The€Queen€Ìsaid.Ìà ? àWill's€inner€voice€had€grown€to€a€shout,€"Be€businesslike,€be€Ìbusiness€like",€and€he€had€to€ask€her€to€repeat€her€statement.Ìà ? àSulphur€was€also€lacking€in€concentration;€it€was€rather€Ìdistracting€to€be€so€close€to€the€"butchered"€carcass€of€one€of€Ìhis€own€kind.€€Even€if€the€stiffened€horse€was€a€first€generation€Ìmodel.€€It€was€with€difficulty€that€he€called€his€sensory€Ìapparatus€to€order.Ìà ? à'I€said.'€The€Queen€repeated,€the€chill€in€her€disembodiedÌvoice€threatening€drastic€action€before€a€second€repetition.Ìà ? à'You€took€your€time€getting€here,€Will€Prince.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'You€may€not€have€noticed,€but€I€was€busy.'€was€the€sullen€Ìresponse,€coming€complete€with€protruding€lower€lip.€Ìà ? à'Busy€bickering€from€all€that€I€could€see.'€Sharon€gazedÌpointedly€in€Sulphur's€direction.€€Although€restrained€by€theÌimperious€gaze€of€those€Purple€eyes,€Will's€reply€almost€burst€theÌdragon's€temperament€control€mechanism.Ìà ? à'Well,€this€is€a€difficult€mission€and€what€you€call€Ìbickering,€I€call€whipping€my€staff€into€shape.'Ìà ? à'Perhaps.€€Are€you€ready€to€go€inside€and€meet€the€others?'Ìà ? à'Yes,'€said€Will€in€a€voice€that€betrayed€a€marked€lack€of€Ìreadiness,€'could€you€just€help€me€with€one€small€thing.'Ìà ? à"A€strait„jacket,€perhaps,"€observed€Sulphur€to€himself€as€Ìthey€made€their€way€up€the€decaying€wooden€steps.ÌÌÌà ? àÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'GOOD€GRIEF!'Ìà ? àNo€one€afterwards€was€able€to€remember€who€had€said€it€but€Ìit€seemed€to€perfectly€sum€up€everyone's€surprise.Ìà ? à'What€is€it?'€Merlyn€asked€no€one€in€particular.Ìà ? àSir€Bastable€could€hardly€restrain€his€eager€excitement.Ìà ? à'It's€a€dragon.'Ìà ? à'With€a€plank.'€Sulphur€muttered€dully.€Ìà ? àQueen€Sharon€said,€Ìà ? à'Greetings.€€This€human€creature€is€to€be€your€leader',€and€Ìvanished.€€For€once,€the€Thingy€was€patient€to€let€the€others€make€Ìthe€first€move.Ìà ? àIt€was€hard€to€gauge€who€in€the€room€was€the€most€shocked.€€ÌThe€main€cause€of€Will's€amazement€was€not€to€be€found€with€the€Ìincredible€figures€seated€at€the€table,€nor€with€the€muttering€Ìarray€of€incredulity„straining€Personifications.€€Will€shocked€Ìgaze€was€instead,€directed€at€the€walls,€at€the€youthful€pictures€Ìof€the€sickly€child€that€provided€over€ample€covering.€€After€a€Ìwhile€he€found€words€to€voice€his€surprise.Ìà ? à'Buggeration!€€Those€pictures€are€of€me.'Ìà ? à'WHAT!'€Abel€Surd€fell€thunderously€backward€off€his€stool.€ÌSlowly€and€with€as€much€rumpled€dignity€as€he€could€muster€he€Ìraised€his€customised€form€to€its€erect€limit.Ìà ? à'You're€Ma€Prince's€kid,€Little€Wilbur?'Ìà ? à'I'm€Dee€Prince's€son.'Ìà ? à'Kid,€don't€you€recognise€me?€€I'm€yer€Daddy.'Ìà ? àAbel€opened€his€arms€to€their€fullest€extent€and€Will€fainted.ÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌà ? à'Will€you€PLEASE€leave€me€alone.'Ìà ? àSulphur's€innate€sense€of€superiority€was€suffering€a€severeÌpunishing€as€a€result€of€the€attentions€of€the€ye€olde€goodly€knight.Ìà ? àOver€by€the€bar,€Will€agreed€with€the€tone€of€the€dragon's€Ìwords,€futively€wishing€that€his€thoughts€and€memories€would€leave€Ìhim€alone€as€he€gazed€into€a€dimly€remembered€visage.Ìà ? à'She€wanted€it€this€way?'€€Ìà ? àThe€man/machine€that€claimed€to€be€his€father€replied.€€ÌSulphur€had€wanted€a€DNA€test€but€had€realised€with€eminent€Ìpracticality€that€no€one€who€was€not€Will's€blood€relative,€and€Ìwho€had€full€possession€of€his€marbles,€would€claim€to€be€one.€€ÌAnd€besides,€if€Abel€Surd€was€short€of€the€odd€marble€or€two,€Ìit€probably€only€confirmed€that€he€was€related€somewhere€down€Ìthe€line.Ìà ? à'Yes,€she€wanted€it€that€way.€€Said€she€wanted€her€wake€to€Ìgo€on€for€as€long€as€the€bar€did.'Ìà ? à'Mother€always€said€the€Princes'€were€strange.'Ìà ? àBut,€Will€added€to€himself€I€never€thought€that€they€were€asÌstrange€as€this.€There€before€him,€set€in€the€latest€clear€Ìconservation€material,€lay€his€mother€in€her€Sunday€best.ÌHer€body€preserved€perfectly€and€entombed€for€posterity€in€the€solidÌtransparent€block€that€made€up€the€bar.€€Will€struggled€to€feel€Ìsomething,€some€sense€of€loss€or€pain€at€this€confirmation€of€theÌpassing€of€the€larger€than€life€woman€that€had€given€him€existence.ÌTry€as€he€might,€the€present€kept€intruding,€he€had€more€pressing€Ìmatters€on€his€mind.€Ìà ? à"How€the€hell€am€I€going€to€persuade€anybody€to€come€with€me?"Ìà ? àTo€say€that€Magda,€Merlyn,€Balidare€and€Grendella€would€take€Ìsome€persuading€was€an€understatement€on€the€level€of€Thomas€ÌEdison's€assertion€that,€"I€think€this€electricity€stuff€could€be€Ìuseful."€The€long„lived€quartet€were€distinctly€under„whelmed€by€ÌWill's€apparent€total€lack€of€presence€or€leadership€abilities.€€ÌThis€was€not€harshness€on€their€part.€€One€had€to€see€things€from€Ìtheir€point€of€view.€€These€four,€between€them,€had€met€most€of€Ìthe€great€leaders€or€raging€megalomaniacs€(depending€on€your€point€Ìof€view)€that€Humanity€had€produced.€€Will€just€did€not€compare€Ìfavourably€on€first€acquaintance.€Balidare€summed€up€their€joint€Ìmisgivings€best.Ìà ? à'Just€look€at€him!'Ìà ? àAlthough€Grendella's€comment€probably€carried€more€emotion.€€Ìà ? à'To€think€I€bathed€for€this!'€Grendella€prided€herself€on€Ìbeing€a€pioneer€of€the€grunge€look,€but€even€she€had€to€admit€that€Ìthe€human€did€not€carry€it€off€with€panache.Ìà ? àWill€wore€no€shoes,€his€feet€almost€as€grimy€and€tender€as€Ìthe€rest€of€his€softly€flabby€body,€still€covered€in€the€ripped€and€Ìsinged€remains€of€a€utility€suit€and€emblazoned€with€a€large€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðshocking€pink€badge€that€read:€25€today.€€He€stood€in€a€posture€Ìthat€could€just€charitably€be€described€as€"unique".€€His€hair,€Ìwhich€had€been€bizarrely€twisted€by€soap,€had€degenerated€into€an€Ìunfathomable€greasy€tangle€and€lay,€limp€as€old€lettuce,€over€a€Ìforehead€wrinkled€by€worry,€frustration€or€fear.€Those€heavy€Ìframed€glasses€Grendella€casually€dismissed€as€a€nerd's€but€even€Ìthat€put„down€could€not€do€justice€to€the€laughable€hirsute€mess€Ìthat€had€pretensions€to€be€a€beard.€€Then,€there€was€that€Ìridiculous€imitation€of€a€sword€to€be€considered,€and€what,€oh€Ìwhat€was€he€doing€with€that€sad€looking€business€folder?€€For€all€Ìhis€apparent€faults,€and€they€were€too€plentiful€to€list€Ìcomprehensively,€Grendella€was€intrigued€by€this€odd€person.€€ÌThere€was€something€behind€the€surface€of€those€soft€brown€eyes€Ìthat€was€worthy€of€comment.Ìà ? à'He€has€nice€eyes,'€she€said€to€no€one€in€particular.Ìà ? à'We're€not€judging€the€quality€of€his€freezer,'€grinned€ÌMagda.Ìà ? à'This€is€hardly€a€matter€for€humour,'€Balidare€glowered€as€ÌMagda€and€Grendella€erupted€into€nervous€giggles.Ìà ? à'I€think€the€situation's€hysterical,'€Grendella€said,€Ìrestraining€her€amusement€at€Magda's€juvenile€ice€pun€with€Ìdifficulty.Ìà ? à'What€do€you€think€old€friend?'€Balidare€turned€to€Merlyn€Ìfor€support.Ìà ? à'I€don't€think€I've€got€the€hang€of€things€yet.'Ìà ? à'The€whole€things€as€absurd€as€his€father's€name,'€Balidare€Ìglared€at€Will,€his€usual€mildness€giving€way€to€a€bout€of€ill„Ìhumour€that€showed€no€sign€of€relenting.€First€Grendella,€now€Ìthis!€€Today€was€not€his€day.Ìà ? à'Something's€got€to€be€done.'€Magda€spoke€emphatically.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Damn€right!€€Something's€got€to€be€done",€€thought€Sulphur,€Ì"Something€horribly€violent€is€this€retard€relic€doesn't€go€away."€Ìà ? àSulphur€too€was€not€in€the€best€of€moods,€it€was€easy€to€see€the€Ìreason€for€his€despondency,€and€yes,€Personifications€do€get€Ìdepressed;€it's€something€to€do€with€conagion€from€too€much€humanÌcontact.€Sulphur€hated€first„generation€models€at€the€best€of€timesÌand€the€last€thing€he€had€wanted€after€the€events€of€the€past€fewÌdays€was€to€be€surrounded€by€a€group€of€his€dimwit€"ancestors".ÌMostly€however,€he€was€depressed€because€of€Will€and€his€new„found€Ìfather;€he€had€always€known€that€Will's€forebears€would€have€to€Ìlook€a€little€freaky,€but€not€as€odd€as€this€armoured€ancient.€€ÌSulphur€would€not€admit€it€but€he€felt€excluded,€left€out;€Will€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwas€HIS€companion.Ìà ? à'Maybe€I€shouldn't€have€got€him€up€on€his€birthday,€after€Ìall.'Ìà ? à'What€did€ye€say€Dragon?'Ìà ? àIt€was€incredible€that€Sir€Bastable€noticed€that€Sulphur€Ìsaid€anything,€like€everyone€else€in€the€bar,€Fitche€was€somewhat€Ìdistracted;€however,€unlike€all€the€others,€his€was€a€happy€sense€Ìof€diversion.€€For€the€knight€the€appearance€of€this€green€scaly€Ìcreature€was€Christmas,€Birthdays€and€all€celebrations€rolled€into€Ìone,€a€palpable€affirmation€of€his€personal€sense€of€destiny.€€It€Ìwas€a€simple€equation;€if€Dragons'€existed,€then€the€Grail€must€Ìexist,€thus€the€hoards€of€heathen€enemies€to€Christendom€must€Ìexist,€and€therefore€a€host€of€thrilling€chivalric€possibilities€Ìmust€exist,€somewhere€out€there€in€the€red€sand.Ìà ? àFitche€happily€looked€forward€to€his€Squire's€apologies€and€Ìcries€of€€"mea€culpa".€Of€course,€there€was€just€the€one€small€Ìmatter€to€cloud€his€joy€and€send€those€unlikely€moustaches€into€a€Ìsamba€of€regretful€tingling;€this€dragon€was€far€too€small€and€Ìpuny€for€an€honourable€knight€to€tilt€with.€€Then€a€thought€Ìoccurred€in€that€Bayeux€tapestry€of€a€mechanised€brain.€"Perhaps€Ìit's€a€baby."Ìà ? à'Tell€me€Dragon.€€Do€ye€have€a€mother?'Ìà ? à'No!'Ìà ? à"Gadzooks!€€An€orphan!"€thought€the€knight,€toying€with€the€Ìidea€of€adopting€the€creature.€€Fortunately€for€Sulphur,€Sir€ÌBastable€had€the€attention€span€of€a€brain„damaged€goldfish€and€Ìwas€soon€thinking€of€something€totally€different.€€Ìà ? à'I€wonder€if€the€beast€breathes€flames.'Ìà ? à'If€you€don't€leave€me€alone,€you'll€soon€find€out.'€Sulphur€Ìnoticed€with€grim€pleasure,€that€with€the€exception€of€the€idiot€Ìin€the€tin€can,€the€other€old€models€backed€off€to€a€respectful€Ìdistance€at€these€words,€although€it€had€to€be€said€that€they€did€Ìso€somewhat€sluggishly.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Personification€community€moved€as€sleepwalkers€because€Ìsuch€movement€was€a€representation€of€their€generally€dazed€state.€€ÌAs€a€group€they€were€in€danger€of€suffering€a€data€overload.€€They€Ìhad€become€used€to€the€peaceful€life,€to€having€the€great€Surd€for€Ìcompany,€and€having€the€great€Surd's€breakdowns€to€deal€with.€€ÌThey€had€become€used€to€a€certain€tedious€routine.€Now€suddenly,€Ìthat€routine€had€seemed€to€vanish.€€The€place€was€full€of€Ìvisitors,€the€great€Surd€had€a€human€child€who€looked€sorely€in€Ìneed€of€a€full€service€and€that€nincompoop€knight€had€a€pet€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðdragon.€€It€was€all€a€bit€much€to€take.€€They€had€rapidly€gone€Ìbeyond€the€stage€of€excited€gossip€and€moved€on€to€stunned€gap„Ìmouthed€incredulity€when€one€voice,€that€of€Ludwig€van€Beethoven,€Ìspoke,€representing€the€feelings€of€then€all.Ìà ? à'I€think€that€things€will€not€be€quiet€any€more.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌIf€the€Personifications€were€worried€about€the€sudden€upturn€Ìin€the€bars€economic€fortunes,€up€in€space€was€a€being€who€did€not€Ìshare€their€trepidation.€The€Orange€Thingy€had€returned€from€his€Ìlatest€escapist€jaunt,€fully€expecting€to€rapidly€depart€in€a€huff€Ìbecause,€as€usual,€nothing€had€happened.€€But€to€the€considerable€Ìsurprise€of€its€many€tangerine„tinted€senses,€events€an€Mars€Ìlooked€like€coming€to€a€good€bit.€€The€Thingy€breathed€a€horrific€Ìsigh€of€relief,€so€powerful€that€it€transcended€boundaries€of€time€Ìand€space.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌSomewhere€over€the€Atlantic:€Early€21st€Century,€September.ÌÌÌÌCasper€Titwilleger,€for€the€first€time€in€ages,€almost€Ìrelaxed.€€His€arm€and€leg€was€as€free€of€bandage€as€he€was€briefly€Ìfree€of€care.Ìà ? àOkay,€they€were€travelling€coach,€and,€yes,€they€had€Ìsuffered€the€indignity€of€being€deported,€but€he€had€to€admit€that€Ìthey€had€got€off€lightly€and€having€seen€how€the€Blands'€lived,€he€Ìfelt€good€to€be€going€home;€the€Brits€could€keep€all€their€quaint€Ìculture€crap.€He€was€homeward€bound.Ìà ? àHe€felt€like€singing,€like€dancing,€like€proclaiming€the€joy€Ìthat€the€statement€brought.€€He€was€going€home,€and€so€what€if€ÌBlossom€was€a€witch?!€€He€could€divorce€her!€€All€that€mattered€Ìwas€that€he€was€going€home€and€all€was€momentarily€right€with€the€Ìworld.€€It€was,€of€course,€at€this€moment€that€the€engines€on€the€Ìjet€failed€and€it€started€to€crash.Ìà ? àNot€for€the€first€time€in€the€past€few€weeks,€Casper€looked€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðin€fear€and€panic€at€his€wife.€€She€was€seated€some€distance€away,€Ìas€far€away€as€possible;€Casper€had€insisted€in€the€hope€that€he€Ìmight€elude€her€diabolical€influence.€Now€he€admitted€that€he€had€Ìbeen€wrong€to€hope€for€escape.€€Despite€the€screams€and€chaotic€Ìprayers€of€the€unfortunates€around€him,€frantically€involved€in€Ìdonning€seat„belts€and€adopting€crash„positions,€Casper€soon€re„Ìestablished€a€sort€of€fatalistic€equilibrium.€€It€felt€to€him€at€Ìthat€moment,€that€it€was€his€destiny€not€to€see€Iowa€again€and€in€Ìthat€instant,€he€made€a€decision.Ìà ? à€"I€must€save€the€others."Ìà ? àActing€upon€this€sudden€mad€impulse,€Casper€leaped€up€andÌfought€his€way€up€the€incline€to€Blossom's€seat.Ìà ? à'Come€with€me!'€he€shouted.Ìà ? àBlossom€had€been€beside€her€husband€for€decades,€and€Ìalthough€he€mostly€irritated€the€hell€out€of€her,€and€in€spite€of€Ìhis€recent€curious€behaviour€(saying€prayers€in€Latin,€and€Ìthrowing€crosses€and€garlic€at€her€at€their€lawyers'€meetings€was€Ìjust€one€example,)€she€still€harboured€a€great€well€of€affection€Ìfor€him,€realising€instantly€that€if€they€were€going€to€die,€she€Ìwanted€them€to€die€together.€€With€this€in€mind,€she€followed€ÌCasper,€not€protesting€when€he€undid€the€escape€hatch,€although€he€Ìdid€have€fleeting€second€thoughts€as€the€two€of€them€were€sucked€Ìout€of€the€plane.Ìà ? àAs€they€hurtled€towards€the€distant€sea€and€oblivion,€a€Ìferocious€wind€whipping€at€their€clothes€and€kneading€the€flesh€on€Ìtheir€faces€into€all€sorts€of€unlikely€shapes,€Casper€managed€Ìsome„how€to€note€that€his€ploy€had€been€a€success.€€The€jet's€Ìengines€had€abruptly€refired,€carrying€its€petrified€hyper„Ìventilating€cargo€back€up€into€the€skies.Ìà ? àThere€was€a€terrible€loneliness€about€the€descent,€a€Ìdesolation€that€Casper,€on€the€verge€of€air„starved€Ìunconsciousness€could€not€stand.€Seeking€out€the€nearby€terrified€Ìthrashings€of€his€wife,€he€adopted€a€position€that€he'd€seen€sky„Ìdivers€try€in€the€action€documentaries.€€To€his€considerable€Ìastonishment,€it€worked,€carrying€him€to€within€a€few€feet€of€ÌBlossom.Ìà ? àHe€reached€out€and€grabbed€her€flapping€hands;€she€looked€up€Ìat€him,€her€contorted€visage€filled€with€fear€and€panic.€€Casper€Ìhad€gone€beyond€all€human€dread€or€anxiety.€€He€felt€a€sudden€urge€Ìof€tenderness€for€this€woman€who€had€been€his€companion€for€so€Ìmany€years.€€Struggling€against€the€buffeting€of€the€wind,€he€Ìsomehow€managed€to€compose€his€features€into€a€loving€smile.€€ÌBlossom€recognised€the€gesture€and€over„came€her€panic€to€respond.€€ÌCasper€glanced€down;€the€sea€looked€very€close€now.€€The€two€of€Ìthem€waited€for€the€end,€facing€their€last€seconds€together€with€Ìsilly€grins.Ìà ? àSuddenly,€from€out€of€nowhere,€a€different€kind€of€wind€hit€Ìthem,€a€wind€such€as€no€human€had€ever€experienced,€a€blast€of€Ìloathsome€nauseating€orange€putrescence€that,€slowed€them€down,€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðpicked€them€up€and€spun€them€round€and€around€and€around.€As€he€Ìstarted€to€black„out,€it€was€all€Casper€could€do€to€restrain€a€Ìmanic€urge€to€shout€'Toto,€Toto'€and€'Auntie€Em'.€€He€wondered€Ìhysterically€whether€the€after„life€was€like€Oz€and€if€so,€would€Ìthey€need€qualified€taxidermists'?€€That€lion€would€take€some€Ìstuffing.Ìà ? àWhen€Casper€came€to,€it€took€a€while€for€his€confused€and€Ìodour„infused€senses€to€summon€the€effort€to€open€his€eyes.€€In€Ìthat€moment,€he€came€to€two€conclusions:€1.€He€was€alive€because€Ìwhatever€evils€he€had€done€in€life€had€not€been€enough€to€warrant€Ìthe€punishment€of€a€headache€this€intense.€€2.€He€was€not€in€the€Ìsea,€his€clothes€were€not€wet,€though€there€was€a€low€murmuring€not€Ìunlike€waves€and€something€not€at€all€pleasant€under€his€rear.€ÌHaving€collected€his€addled€resources,€Casper€opened€his€eyes€Ìand€immediately€wished€he€hadn't.€€Maybe€this€was€his€personal€Ìhell€after€all...€Ìà ? àHe€was€slumped,€seated,€in€a€large€green€tidy€bin,€a€full€Ìtidy€bin.€€Around€him€stood€a€carefully€distanced€crowd€of€thrill„Ìseeking€tourists€and€cinema„goers.€€The€location€was€depressingly€Ìfamiliar:€Leicester€Square.€€He€looked€for€Blossom€and€felt€Ìstrangely€unsurprised€when€he€saw€her€lying,€sprawled€senseless€on€Ìthe€roof€of€the€half„price€ticket€booth.€€It€was€just€his€luck,€he€Ìcould€see€it€now,€the€headlines,€the€scandal€detailing€their€Ìsudden€return€to€life€and€to€this€loathsome€land€of€the€Limies.€€ÌTitwilleger€was€not€a€happy€man€as€two€nervous€policemen€Ìapproached.€€He€gratefully€slipped€back€into€his€personal€Ìdarkness,€observing€in€a€voice€filled€with€anguish.Ìà ? à'I€wish€I€was€dead.'ÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"I€wish€I€were€dead",€alternated€in€his€mind€with,€"be€Ìbusinesslike,€be€businesslike",€as€Will€turned€to€face€the€Ìinhabitants€of€the€bar€and€struggled€to€summon€the€courage€to€Ìspeak.€His€audience,€especially€those€four€at€the€table,€looked€Ìmore€likely€to€eat€him€than€to€listen.Ìà ? àHe€reminded€himself€forcibly,€but€without€much€conviction,€Ìthat€he€was€the€Chairman€of€Heroics€INC.€€He€even€had€a€snazzy„Ìlooking€corporate€folder€to€prove€it,€an€accessory€that€he€had€Ìrequested€from€the€Queen.€€As€the€seconds€ticked€by€and€the€words€Ìwould€not€come,€and€the€eyes€fixed€upon€him€seemed€to€get€fiercer,€ÌWill€started€to€wish€that€he€had€asked€for€a€folder€big€enough€to€Ìhide€behind.€€Then,€as€if€acting€on€its€own,€his€voice€burst€forth€Ìin€a€sort€of€startled€squeak.Ìà ? à'I...',€€Ìà ? àWill€cursed€himself€and€his€wimpishness.€This€was€not€going€Ìwell.Ìà ? à"Get€on€with€it!"€hissed€the€metallic€image€of€the€Queen,€her€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðtones€far€more€pointed€than€the€sword€she€spoke€from,€the€words€Ìcutting€cruelly€across€the€nervous€haze€in€his€mind.€€He€was€on€Ìthe€verge€of€giving€up,€of€fleeing€and€never€looking€back,€when€Ìsupport€arrived.€Sulphur€shook€off€the€attentions€of€the€knight€Ìand€moved€to€his€companion's€side.€€Surd€also€stepped€forward,€Ìresting€a€supportive€arm€on€the€trembling€arm€of€his€new€relative.€ÌWill€felt€the€calming€effect€of€their€presence€and€a€sudden€sense€Ìof€emboldenment€coursed€through€him.€€His€voice€returned€and€when€Ìhe€spoke,€it€was€with€as€much€power€and€assertiveness€as€he€could€Ìmanage,€directing€his€sales€pitch€to€the€quartet€at€the€table.Ìà ? à'Ladies€and€Gentlemen,€welcome.€€I€represent€an€organisation€Ìcalled€Heroics€INC.'€Will€paused€to€distribute€business€cards€from€Ìthe€folder,€each€illustrated€with€the€image€of€the€long„gone€brass€Ìplaque€and€Will€Prince,€Chairman€printed€in€bold€type.€€'I'm€Will€ÌPrince,€as€you€can€see€the€chairman€of€the...'Ìà ? à'Prince!'€interrupted€Grendella,€with€a€cruel€gleam€in€her€Ìeye.€€'I'm€not€sure€about€that.€€You€look€more€like€a€frog€than€a€Ìprince€to€me.'Ìà ? àBefore€Will€could€reply€Magda€joined€in€the€Will„baiting.€€Ìà ? à'Tell€me.€Do€you€think€you're€a€prince€amongst€men?'Ìà ? à'A€man€amongst€princes€is€more€likely,€if€he€is€of€the€man€Ìkind,'€added€Merlyn.Ìà ? àEven€Balidare€felt€compelled€to€add€his€input,€summoning€up€Ìa€quotation.€Ìà ? à'Put€not€your€trust€in€princes,€nor€in€the€son€of€man,€in€Ìwhom€there€is€no€help.'€With€a€casual€flick€of€his€wrist,€Balidare€Ìcontemptuously€tossed€the€card€back€at€Will€and€joined€in€the€Ìmocking€laughter€of€his€comrades.Ìà ? àSulphur€felt€a€overwhelming€surge€in€his€sadness€circuits€as€Ìhe€watched€Will's€shoulders€collapse.€€The€Dragon€had€not€the€Ìenergy€to€feel€anger€at€the€injustice;€all€they€had€been€through,€Ìall€that€effort,€for€nothing.€€They€had€dismissed€Will€as€if€he€Ìwere€nothing.€€It€just€seemed€so€unfair.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha...'€The€Orange€One€had€Ìmomentarily€created€an€atmosphere€in€space€to€carry€the€booming€Ìsound€of€his€triumphant€laughter€to€a€very€sullen„looking€Purple€ÌThingy.€You€call€THAT,€a€hero,€'...€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha....'ÌÌà ? àÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐThe€Personifications€had€made€an€attempt€to€join€in€the€Ìhilarity€but€one€icy€glance€from€Abel€had€trapped€their€mirth€in€Ìtheir€metallic€throats.€€The€immortal€foursome€seemed€like€they€Ìhad€already€forgotten€the€existence€of€this€presumptuous€human€as€Ìthey€turned€back€to€their€recollections.Ìà ? à'Are€you€quite€finished?'Ìà ? àSulphur€realised€with€a€start€that€the€voice€filled€with€Ìfury€came€from€Will.€€This€was€no€tone€of€whining,€pleading€Ìfrustration€but€one€filled€with€the€vitality€of€outrage.Ìà ? à'I€SAID!€...€ARE€YOU€QUITE€FINISHED?'€Will€bellowed€a€roar€Ìof€explosive€anger.€€All€conversation€stopped,€giving€way€to€Ìrelaxed€attentiveness.€€'I'VE€BEEN€THROUGH€HELL€OVER€THE€LAST€FEW€ÌDAYS!€€THROUGH€HELL!€€RISKED€MY€LIFE€AND€MY€SANITY€TO€GET€HERE,ÏTO€ÌSTAND€HERE,€TO€TALK€TO€YOU€IDIOTS!€€NOW!€I€DON'T€GIVE€A€DAMNÏWHO€ÌYOU€ARE!€€I€COULDN'T€CARE€LESS,€YOU'RE€GOING€TO€LISTEN€TO€ME.'€€ÌWill€strode,€his€form€a€throbbing€mass€of€rage,€and€slammed€down€a€Ìbusiness€card€in€front€of€Balidare,€the€impact€so€powerful€that€it€Ìsent€drink€slopping€over€the€immortals€finest€shirt€as€Will€lent€Ìover€thundering.€€'YOU'RE€GOING€TO€LISTEN€TO€ME€IF€IT€BLOODY€WELL€ÌKILLS€ME!',€€just€inches€from€Balidare's€face.Ìà ? àWill€stood€up€and€backed€off,€breathing€heavily€and€shaking€Ìall€over€with€exertion.€€Slowly€and€with€infinite€calm,€Balidare€Ìproduced€a€handkerchief€and€wiped€off€his€shirt.€€Then€as€if€Ìunaware€of€the€unbearable€tension€around€him€and€as€if€he€had€all€Ìthe€time€in€the€world,€the€Elfen€drew€out€a€comb€and€slowly€Ìreplaced€the€few€hairs€dislodged€by€the€human's€outburst.€€When€Ìthis€was€done,€he€carefully€returned€the€handkerchief€and€comb€Ìbefore€staring€at€Will€for€the€longest€time.€€And€then,€when€he€Ìfelt€that€the€quivering€mortal€had€suffered€enough,€he€smiled;€it€Ìwas€not€a€huge€smile,€but€it€was€a€smile.Ìà ? àGrendrella€drew€up€a€chair.Ìà ? à'Sit€down€kid.€€You've€earned€a€chat.'Ìà ? à'I'll€be€damned,'€said€Surd.€€His€voice€tingling€with€pride€Ìand€relief.€'I€don't€know€where€he€gets€it€from.€€But€I€hope€it's€Ìfrom€my€side€of€the€family.'€He€rounded€off€his€appreciation€with€Ìa€cacophony€of€pleasured€whinnies.€€Sulphur€said€nothing.€€He€was€Ìfar,€far,€too€gob„smacked€by€surprise€to€reply.ÌÌà ? àÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha,€Ha...'€scoffed€the€Purple€Thingy€Ìwith€the€greatest€of€pleasure.€€This€moment€of€triumph€almost€made€Ìthe€trip€to€this€ridiculous€system€worthwhile.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àA€moody,€"OH,€SHUT€UP!"€was€all€that€the€Orange€One€could€Ìmuster€before€vanishing€in€a€sulking€fit.€€Somewhere€out€there,€Ìthere€was€a€galaxy€that€was€going€to€pay€for€this.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'Spoggle!',€Grendella€chuckled€as€Will€finished.€€'...I've€Ìnever€heard€of€anything€so€stupid!'Ìà ? à'Well,€I€thought€Heroics€INC.€sounded€fairly€dumb,€but€Ìthis!'€Magda€shook€her€head€in€wonderment.Ìà ? à'Do€you€know€anything€more€about€this€place€or€this€object€Ìthey€call€the€MADID?€€About€its€power'?'Ìà ? à'No,'€Will€said€frankly,€unable€to€keep€the€the€apology€out€Ìof€his€voice.Ìà ? à'Well.€€I€think€it€be€a€right€noble€endeavour.€€A€quest.€€ÌThe€stuff€of€myths€and€legends.'€Fitche€added€his€eager€opinion€Ìonly€to€receive€a€curt€'Be€quiet!'€from€Abel€as€a€reward€for€his€Ìenthusiasm.Ìà ? à'So,€the€plan€is,'€Balidare€said€thoughtfully,€'that€we€all€Ìgo€to€this€planet,€about€which€we€know€nothing,€except€that€it€is€Ìprobably€highly€dangerous.€€Then,€supposing€by€some€unlikely€Ìchance€that€we€survive,€we€have€to€locate€an€object€called€the€ÌMADID€although€we€have€no€idea€of€where€it€is€or€what€it€looks€Ìlike€and€through„out€all€this,€your€contact€with€the€sensible€Ìname,€Queen€Sharon€of€the€Illuminated€thingamy,€is€going€to€give€Ìus€absolutely€no€help€whatsoever?'Ìà ? à'That's€about€it,'€Will€agreed,Ìà ? à'And€despite€our€combined€millions€of€€years€of€experience,€Ìyou€are€going€to€lead€us?'Ìà ? à'Yes.'Ìà ? à'Tell€me,€Will',€the€name€was€uttered€with€just€a€hint€of€Ìvitriol,€'Can€you€use€that€extremely€silly€sword€you€carry?'Ìà ? à'No,€Will€had€to€admit.'Ìà ? à'Can€you€use€any€weapon?'Ìà ? à'No.'Ìà ? à'Can€you€ride?'Ìà ? à'No.'€Ìà ? à'Have€you€ever€killed€anything?"Ìà ? à'No!'Ìà ? à'Do€you€know€any€forms€of€unarmed€combat?'Ìà ? àSulphur€interrupted,€unable€to€restrain€himself.€The€impulse€Ìwas€just€too€great€for€his€circuits.Ìà ? à'He€knows€karate,€kung€fu,€Tai€kwan€do,€ju„jitsu€and€Ìjudo...'Ìà ? à'Really?'€Balidare€was€genuinely€surprised.€€Ìà ? à'€...€by€reputation.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àAs€the€others€giggled€nervously,€Balidare€quietly,€and€with€Ìcharming€€restraint,€admonished€the€Dragon.Ìà ? à'I€think€the€situation€is€satirical€enough,€my€little€green€Ìfriend,€without€your€input.'Ìà ? àSulphur€assumed€a€suitably€contrite€expression,Ìà ? à'Do€you€know€any€forms€of€unarmed€combat?'€Balidare€Ìpatiently€repeated.Ìà ? à'No.'Ìà ? à'Have€you€ever€had€any€experience€of€leadership?'Ìà ? àWill€glanced€briefly€at€Sulphur€but€thought€better€of€it.Ìà ? à'No.'Ìà ? à'And,€you€are€going€to€lead€us?'Ìà ? à'Yes.'Ìà ? à'I€don't€dare€ask€HOW?'€Balidare€sighed€his€weariest€sigh€Ìand€directed€his€next€comment€to€Grendella.€€'And€you€said€Ì"Spoggle"€sounded€stupid.'Ìà ? à'Well...',€Grendella€searched€frantically€for€something€Ìconstructive€to€say,€'I€think€he's€cute.'Ìà ? àBalidare's€response€chilled€them€with€its€mocking€certainty.€€Ìà ? à'I€have€a€terrible€feeling,€that€somehow,€"Cute'€is€not€Ìgoing€to€be€quite€enough.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€bolt€of€mystic€energy€was€near€the€end€of€its€Journey€as€Ìit€breached€Earth's€atmosphere€and€made€for€the€planet's€surface.€€ÌStraight€and€unerring,€it€headed€for€the€island€that€had€once€been€Ìcalled€Britain,€although€there€had€been€names€that€were€far€older€Ìthan€that.€There€had€been€many€changes€to€this€island€over€the€Ìyears,€but€the€unregarded€mound€by€the€lake€had€weathered€them€Ìwell,€remaining€as€an€outpost€of€a€green€and€pleasant€memory.€€Ìà ? àNow,€the€bolt€struck€a€wide€area€with€a€terrific€impact,€Ìbuzzing€and€fizzing€as€the€ground€ravenously€enveloped€a€feast€of€Ìenergy.€€Soon,€all€returned€to€peace€and€tranquillity.€€There€was€Ìno€tell„tale€scorching€to€mark€the€passing€of€the€bolt.€€On€the€Ìsurface€not€a€blade€of€grass€was€disturbed,€but,€deep,€deep,€under€Ìthe€soil€an€incredible€transformation€had€started€to€take€place€Ìand€life€began€anew.ÌÌÌÌÌIt€was€amazing;€that€was€the€only€word€for€it,€"amazing".€€ÌFor€once,€Will€felt€happy€about€leaving€Earth.€€This€was€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðadventure,€this€was€excitement,€this€was€meeting€interesting€Ìpeople.€€He€could€not€believe€it.€€That€the€elegant€woman€with€the€Ìpallid€skin€and€the€reddest€of€ruby€lips€was€a€vampire.€€That€the€Ìgrim€looking€figure€with€the€flowing€hair€and€the€braided€Ìmoustaches€was€Merlyn,€THE€Merlyn;€it€was€as€if€all€the€old€Ìlegends€ware€coming€to€life.€€Incredibly,€most€of€the€old€tales€Ìmust€then€be€partly€true.€He€wanted€to€get€Sulphur€alone€and€Ìoverwhelm€the€dragon's€sense€of€petty€logic€with€this€evidence€of€Ìthe€mythical,€to€get€revenge€for€all€the€years€of€moaning€about€Ìthe€Crimson€Pirate.€€But€Sulphur€returned€his€dancing€gaze€with€an€Ìexpression€so€immobile€that€Will€could€not€tell€whether€he€was€Ìjust€being€diplomatically€deadpan€or€had€switched€himself€off.€€It€Ìwould€be€just€like€"Sulph",€to€do€that,€to€do€anything€to€avoid€Ìbeing€proved€wrong.€€Will€turned€his€mind€to€other€matters,€and€Ìdid€what€he€usually€did€when€he€became€ever€excited;€he€opened€his€Ìmouth€and€put€his€foot€firmly€in€it.Ìà ? à'So,€Mr€Balidare€.'Ìà ? à'Just€Balidare€will€do.'Ìà ? à'Balidare.€Merlin€is€a€wizard€and€Magda€is€a€vampire...'Ìà ? à'A€Vampir,€there's€no€"e"€where€she€comes€from.'Ìà ? à'Sorry,€a€vampir,€and€I€bet€I€know€what€you€are.'€€If€Will€Ìhad€not€been€so€hyper,€if€he€had€not€been€speaking€in€such€a€loud€Ìvoice,€he€would€have€noticed€the€conversation€around€him€trailing€Ìoff.€€He€would€have€registered€the€exchange€of€anxious€glances€Ìbetween€the€other€immortals.€€Ìà ? à'You're€a€dwarf.'Ìà ? àFinally,€after€he€had€said€it,€Will€noticed€that€something€Ìwas€wrong.€€Merlyn€was€ashen€pale,€Magda€was€pensively€hitting€her€Ìlip€and€Grendella€looked€at€him,€a€ghastly€parody€of€a€smile€Ìplastered€on€her€face.Ìà ? à'A€dwarf.€€I€believe€that€this€creature€called€me€a€dwarf,'€ÌBalidare's€expression€of€polite€curiosity€was€unchanged€but€his€Ìvoice€had€become€strange€and€terrifying,€and€his€thick€fingers€dug€Ìinto€the€solid€surface€of€the€table€with€the€ease€of€a€spoon€Ìdiving€into€jelly.Ìà ? àMagda€spoke€placatingly.Ìà ? à'Balidare,€you€can't€hurt€him.€€He€doesn't€know€any€better.'€Ìà ? à'Well,€someone€had€better€tell€him.'Ìà ? àBalidare€stood€up,€his€body€almost€visibly€churning€with€Ìanger.€€In€that€moment,€he€was€the€most€scary€thing€that€Will€had€Ìever€seen.€The€human€felt€his€throat€constrict€and€become€as€dry€Ìas€the€desert€outside.€€He€closed€his€eyes€and€waited€for€the€blow€Ìto€come,€concentrated€on€standing€as€straight€as€possible.€€In€a€Ìmoment,€there€was€the€sound€of€a€terrific€impact.Ìà ? àFeeling€no€pain€Will€opened€his€eyes.€€Balidare€had€walked€Ìout€through€the€wall.€€They€all€watched€his€distant€figure€through€Ìthe€new€exit€as€he€strode€into€a€huge€building;€there€was€the€Ìsound€of€incredible€pounding€blows€and€the€building€fell€over.Ìà ? à'He's€not€usually€like€this.€He's€usually€the€most€placid€of€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðindividuals.'€Merlyn€said€apologetically.Ìà ? à'It's€just€that€he's€had€a€bad€day,'€agreed€Magda.Ìà ? à'Never€mind€that!'€Will€at€last€recovered€the€power€of€Ìspeech,€'What€did€I€do?'Ìà ? à'I€think€Grendella's€best€qualified€to€tell€you.'Ìà ? àThe€wizard€and€the€vampir€directed€Will€to€the€petite€figure€Ìseated€next€to€him.Ìà ? à'I€think€we€need€a€drink.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThey€were€alone€in€Surd's€comforting€shambles€of€a€bedroom.€€ÌGrendella€drank€deeply€and€paused€to€wipe€the€foam€of€the€beer€off€Ìher€lips€before€speaking.Ìà ? à'Will,€how€old€are€you?'Ìà ? à'Twenty„five.'Ìà ? àGrendella€smiled.€€'I€should€have€known,€the€badge?'Ìà ? à'What€ba..'Ìà ? àThere€was€something€touching€about€Will's€realisation.€€ÌAbout€the€heavy€blushing€as€he€removed€the€hideous€pink€circle.€€ÌShe€warmed€to€this€mortal,€waiting€patiently€as€he€resumed€some€Ìsense€of€composure,Ìà ? à'Will.€€Me€and€Bally€are€millions€of€years€old...'Ìà ? àGrendella€put€her€finger€to€her€lips,€halting€Will's€stream€Ìof€questions.Ìà ? à'It's€a€long,€long€story.€Too€long€I€think€sometimes,€and€Ìit's€a€story€I'm€not€going€to€go€into,€mainly€'cause€it€bores€the€Ìcrap€outta€me.€€One€day,€you€can€ask€Bally.€But€it's€important€Ìthat€you€know€for€now,€that€appearances€can€be€deceptive.€€What€Ìwould€you€say€I€looked€like?'Ìà ? àWill€had€learned€a€little€care€from€recent€events€and€his€Ìreply€was€tentative,€'An€elf?'Ìà ? à'Never,€ever,€use€that€name€in€front€of€Bally,€never€use€ÌBally€for€that€matter.€€Use€elve€or€elfen,€it's€much€more€polite.'Ìà ? à'But€why€should€Belly,€sorry,€Balidare,€care?'Ìà ? à'Because,€as€I€said,€appearances€can€be€deceptive.€Balidare,€Ìfor€all€that€outward€show€is€a€Prince€of€the€Elfen€Folk,€and€I'm€a€ÌPrincess€of€the€Dwarfen.'Ìà ? à'But!'Ìà ? àGrendella€shook€her€head€curtly€for€silence.€€'Like€I€said,€Ìit's€a€long€story€and€I€don't€want€to€talk€about€it.€€However,€Ìthere's€one€more€thing€I'll€tell€you.'Ìà ? à'Yes?'Ìà ? à'Bally€hates€my€guts,€he€would€dance€on€my€grave€singing€Ì"joy€to€the€world"€and€"glory,€glory,€hallelujah"€if€he€could,€and€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðhave€a€bloody€good€time€doing€it.€€The€Elfin€know€how€to€bear€a€Ìgrudge€and€there's€an€awful€lot€of€wars€between€our€peoples,€Ìfar,€far,€too€many€deaths.€€And,€on€top€of€all€that€wholesome€Ìjingoistic€loathing,€there's€a€lot€of€private€stuff€as€well.'Ìà ? à'D'you€hate€him?'Ìà ? à'Not€anymore,€well,€€not€much€anyway.€€I'd€probably€just€Ìsing€"joy€to€the€world"€over€him€and€forget€about€the€other€one.€€ÌIt's€been€too€long.€€Forgive€and€forget€I€say.€€Nostalgia's€a€thing€Ìof€the€past.€€That€doesn't€mean€that€I€can't€wind€him€up€as€much€Ìas€possible€though.'Ìà ? à'Are€you€in€danger?'Ìà ? à'From€him!€€Not€likely,€not€on€his€best€day.€€There's€not€Ìbeen€a€man€born€I've€anything€to€worry€about.€We've€avoided€Ìmurdering€each€other€for€all€this€time.€€I'm€sure€we€can€get€by€Ìfor€a€while€yet.€€Mind€you,€it€should€be€interesting.€€We've€never€Ìbeen€on€the€same€side€before.'Ìà ? à'What€if€he€won't€forgive€me?€€You€said€he€can€bear€a€Ìgrudge.'Ìà ? à'Yes,€but€let's€get€things€in€perspective.€€He€bears€a€Ìgrudge€after€aeons€of€war€between€our€peoples.€€There's€nothing€Ìthat€you€can€say€or€do€that's€going€to€needle€him€half€as€much€as€Ìone€micro„second€of€my€presence.€€Don't€worry,€I€really,€really,€Ìhate€to€say€it,€but€the€pixie's€okay€when€you€let€him€be,€but,'€Ìher€tone€became€threatening,€'if€you€EVER€tell€him€I€said€that,€ÌI'll€slice€off€your€janglies€and€feed€them€to€the€Crows.'€After€a€Ìbrief€pause€for€dramatic€effect,€she€continued€brightly,€'Anyway,€Ìthat's€all€I€wanted€to€say.€€We'd€best€get€back€downstairs.'Ìà ? àAs€they€left€the€room,€Grendella€lingered€for€a€swig€of€beer€Ìand€a€burp€of€significant€proportions.Ìà ? à'One€last€thing.'Ìà ? àWill€turned€and€the€dwarf€princess€graced€him€with€the€sort€Ìof€radiant€elfen„looking€smile€that€would€not€have€looked€out€of€Ìplace€on€a€mystical€Madonna.Ìà ? à'Don't€mention€his€looks.€€He's€a€bit€touchy€about€them.€ÌIt's€all€those€years€of€"short"€jokes.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAs€Will€re„entered€the€bar,€he€seemed€oddly€muted.€€The€Ìothers€left€him€alone,€attributing€the€human's€distance€to€the€Ìshock€of€surprising€information.Ìà ? àIt€was€true€that€Will€felt€strange,€he€was€not€sure€whether€Ìit€was€the€first€taste€of€alcohol€that€had€been€to€blame,€but€his€Ìbody€felt€different.€€It€felt€light€and€restless€and€there€was€the€Ìoddest€fluttery€feeling€in€the€pit€of€his€stomach.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àHe€found€his€gaze€drawn€to€Grendella,€ordering€at€the€bar,€Ìfound€himself€picturing€her€smile,€hearing€her€voice,€smelling€the€Ìslight€earthy€odour€that€clung€to€her€clothing.€€At€last,€Sulphur€Ìbecame€concerned€about€this€lengthy€abstraction€and€came€to€his€Ìside.Ìà ? à'Is€everything€all€right€Will?'Ìà ? à'Everything's€wonderful'€Will€answered€softly,€his€gaze€not€Ìshifting€from€the€bar,€a€soppy€smile€fixed€upon€his€already€soppy€Ìface.Ìà ? à'Are€you€drunk?'Ìà ? à'I€think€so.'Ìà ? àWill€Prince€was€in€love.ÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€buildings€in€Shepard€City€had€survived€the€perpetual€€Ìdust€storms,€had€survived€the€miners€and€had€survived€the€Ìneglect€that€had€followed€them.€€Despite€the€encroachment€of€MarsÌand€the€ravages€caused€by€the€Shepard€plants€(which€had€seemed€to€Ìcolonise€the€city€bearing€the€name€of€their€re„discoverer€inÌepidemic€numbers),€and€despite€the€deterioration€of€disuse,€most€Ìof€the€structures€looked€set€to€stand€for€millennia.€€Some€however,€Ìhad€had€their€spans€brutally€cut€short.€Balidare€in€ten€minutes€of€€Ìfury€had€done€more€damage€then€a€century€of€Martian€nature.€€Ìà ? àHe€worked€out€his€rage€on€another€solid€victim,€those€bulky€€Ìdwarf„like€hands,€built€for€forcing€their€way€through€solid€Ìrock,€were€completely€unharmed€and€he€made€short€work€of€the€crumbly€Ìred€Martian€brick.€€Soon,€he€stood€back,€pausing€just€long€enough€Ìto€watch€the€building€start€to€topple€before€seeking€out€another.€€ÌAgain€those€heavy€hands€rose€and€fell,€for€once€the€carefully€neat€Ìbeing€inside€the€thick€gnarled€body€had€abandoned€its€protests,€dust€Ìpiled€upon€the€fine€fabrics,€as€all€was€sacrificed€to€the€salving€Ìoblivion€of€action.€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€watched€for€a€while€in€utter€bewilderment,€watchedÌthe€relentless€punishment€both€internal€and€external,€sensing€the€€Ìrestless€torment€that€motivated€both€of€them.€€This€was€not€the€€ÌBalidare€he€had€known,€the€Balidare€of€songs€and€great€legends,€Ìthe€teacher,€peace„maker€and€just€law„giver€of€his€people.€This€was€Ìa€far€darker€and€more€worrying€persona.€The€wizard€had€lived€a€long€Ìtime€in€comparison€with€the€fleeting€frenzied€moment€that€seemed€to€€Ìconstitute€the€mass€of€human€life,€but€he€could€not€begin€to€Ìimagine€what€it€would€be€like€to€suffer€the€burden€of€millions€of€Ìyears,€the€strains€that€must€be€entailed.€€He€felt€that,€for€his€friend,€Ìthose€pressures€were€becoming€too€much,€that€the€tremendous€spirit€€Ìradiating€throughout€that€compact€figure€was€on€the€verge€of€Ìburning€out,€and€that€Balidare€teetered€dangerously€on€the€edge€of€Ìmadness.€Merlyn€knew€that,€if€it€was€within€the€limits€of€any€powerÐ Ð/ +0 Ðthat€he€or€his€magic€possessed€to€stop€it,€he€would€not€let€such€a€thing€Ìbe.€€Ìà ? àBalidare€dispatched€another€building€and€moved€on.€€The€quick€€Ìsenses€of€the€necromancer€noticed€a€slight€change€in€his€Ìfriend's€movements,€the€a€minute€abatement€in€his€anger.€€As€those€Ìterrifying€hands€began€their€work€anew,€Merlyn€spoke.€Ìà ? à'Why,€old€friend?'€€Ìà ? à'Why,€Merlyn?€€Because€it€makes€me€feel€better,€that's€why.'€€Ìà ? à'Not€the€buildings.€€Why€the€anger?.'€€Ìà ? àBalidare€stopped€his€demolition€and€faced€him.€€A€coating€of€€Ìred€dust€and€an€almost€negligible€rising€and€falling€of€that€Ìpowerful€chest,€the€only€physical€testimony€to€the€devastation€that€Ìhe€had€caused.€€Ìà ? à'Meeting€a€dwarf€again€and€especially€that€dwarf.€€It's€hard.€€€ÌEvery€minute€piece€of€my€being€screams€with€hatred.€€I€long€to€Ìkill€her€and€yet,€there's€been€too€many€years,€too€much€death.€€My€Ìmind's€so€tired€of€death,€of€the€death€of€others,€I'd€not€see€her€Ìcome€to€harm.'€€Ìà ? à'I€never€saw€the€dwarf€kind€in€our€day.'€€Ìà ? à'€I€kept€them€out.€€I€came€to€you,€as€I€came€to€Mars,€for€€Ìescape.€€Did€you€not€wonder€why€I€stayed€so€long€with€that€Ìbackward€people€you€adopted?€€Why€I€so€readily€lent€my€magic€to€yours?€€ÌI€needed€that€tranquillity,€the€relative€freedom€from€hatred,€so€Ìmuch.'€€Ìà ? à'This,'€Merlyn€indicated€the€chaos€around€them,€"is€not€just€€Ìdue€to€one€dwarf,"€€Ìà ? à"In€a€sense€you're€wrong.€€You€don't€know€how€wrong.€€That€one€€Ìdwarf€is€the€reason€I'm€here.€€That€one€dwarf€stopped€me€from€Ìgoing€home,€as€I€stopped€her.€€Our€enmity€is€not€just€a€matter€of€Ìrace.€It's€personal.'€€Ìà ? à'But?'€Merlyn€knew€that€this€was€only€half€an€answer.€€Ìà ? à'But,€yes,€in€a€way€you're€right.€€It's€not€just€her;€it's€the€€Ìtimes.€€You€can't€know.€€You've€slept€through€it€all€and€I€Ìhaven't€had€the€chance€to€show€you.€€Your€age€was€so€much€simpler.€€ÌIt€was€tribe€against€tribe€and€if€things€looked€like€getting€seriousÌI€could€mediate.'€€Ìà ? à'Have€things€changed€that€much?'€€Ìà ? à'You€can't€believe€how€much.€In€the€old€days,€despite€their€€Ìsquabbles,€and€mostly€thanks€to€your€influence,€I€was€almost€Ìready€to€credit€these€humans€with€potential,€but€since!€€Merlyn,€you€Ìcan't€begin€to€imagine€what€a€mess€they've€made.€They've€raped€the€Ìplanet€in€the€name€of€commerce,€left€hardly€a€branch€or€a€twig.€You'd€Ìweep€to€see€grand€Stonehenge€as€I€last€saw€it,€covered€in€moronic€€Ìgraffiti.€€And€their€stupidity€didn't€just€extend€to€their€€Ìenvironment.€€You€never€had€to€deal€with€the€blight€that€the€Ìword€"technology",€inflicted.€€The€weapons€of€destruction,€the€petty€€Ìselfishness€and€ever€growing€impatience.'€€Ìà ? à'And€what€of€this€human?'€Merlyn€indicated€the€bar.€€'The€one€€Ìwho€is€to€lead€us.'€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Lead€us...€US!€I've€never€heard€anything€so€ridiculous.€€He€€Ìembodies€all€the€faults€of€his€age.€€The€whining€self„absorption.ÌThe€ME,€ME,€ME.€€He€moans€about€COMS,€but€doesn't€realise€thatÌthey're€the€best€thing€that€ever€happened€to€his€vile€people.ÌThey€provide€shelter,€food,€entertainment€and€control.€Now€he€knows€Ìa€little€of€hunger,€a€speck€of€hardship€but€he's€not€prepared€for€Ìwhat's€to€come.'€€Ìà ? à'Are€any€of€us?€€Was€Kinata?'€€Ìà ? à'Kinata€was€special,€Kinata€was€a€great€leader.'€€Ìà ? à'Kinata€was€fallible,€as€am€I,€as€are€you.€€We€all€have€to€€Ìlearn.'€€Ìà ? à'That's€what€annoys€me€most€about€Humans.€€They€don't€learn.'€€Ìà ? à'And€the€Elfen€do?€€You€still€hate€Grendella.€€You€destroyed€as€€Ìmuch€of€your€surroundings€as€humans€could,€you€told€me€long€ago€Ìthat€you€almost€completely€destroyed€the€planet.€€Look€at€this€mess€Ìaround€us.€€It's€hardly€constructive.'€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€could€see€his€argument€being€taken€in,€could€see€his€€Ìfriend's€body€relax€as€the€anger€and€the€tension€contained€Ìwithin€ebbed€away.€€Ìà ? à'Yes,€I'm€sorry€for€this,€we've€both€had€better€reunions.'€He€€Ìexhaled€heavily,€letting€out€some€more€of€his€merciless€frustrations.€€€Ìà ? à'What€do€you€think€we€should€do€now?'€€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€had€been€giving€that€very€question€some€thought.€€Ìà ? à'I€think€that€we€should€give€the€lad€a€chance,€that€we€should€€Ìgo€to€SPOGGLE.€€It€can'€t€be€worse€than€your€description€of€ÌWizard€Springs.€€We€both€need€an€escape,€a€new€beginning.'€€Ìà ? àBalidare€led€the€way€back€to€the€bar.€€Ìà ? à'Come€on€then.€€We've€got€to€start€somewhere,€but€don't€expect€€Ìme€to€be€nice€to€the€gnome.'€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌOn€the€far€side€of€a€city€there€was€a€wall€that€was€in€sore€€Ìneed€of€an€escape€or€at€least,€a€new€beginning.€€Even€the€punishment€Ìinflicted€on€its€fellow€structures€seemed€preferable€to€the€unceasing€Ìverbal€attack€that€it€was€under.€€Erasmus€Denton€would€not,€or€Ìcould€not,€stop€talking.€€Ìà ? àJust€my€luck,€thought€the€wall€bitterly.€€All€these€years€of€€Ìsilence.€€I€finally€get€a€voice€and€now€I€can't€get€a€word€in€€Ìedgeways.€€Why€couldn't€that€Balidare€just€have€hit€me?€€Ìà ? àConsumed€by€self„pity€the€wall€started€to€cry€big€red€muddy€€Ìtears.€€Denton€just€continued,€on€and€on€and€on;€he€was€used€to€Ìhis€interviewees€weeping.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ€ÌÌÌÌÌAbel€Surd€was€facing€a€crisis.€For€years€everything€had€been€€Ìstable,€boring€but€stable,€and€now€this€boy€Will€had€happened€Ìalong.€Except€that,€he€wasn't€a€boy.€€He€was€twenty„five€years€old€Ìand€about€to€start€a€huge€adventure.€€Ìà ? àOkay,€he€wasn't€much€to€look€at,€even€the€first€generation€€ÌQuasimodo€model€looked€like€more€of€a€leader,€and€by€all€Ìaccounts€there€was€nothing€in€heredity,€Will€couldn't€even€change€a€Ìplug.€€But€he€was€flesh€and€blood€and€that€was€partly€the€cause€ofÌSurd's€confusion.€Abel€was€no€longer€sure€what€exactly€he€was€anymore.€ÌHe€was€part„machine,€he€had€a€machine€family€already,€binding€ties€Ìof€kinship€and€love€that€attached€him€to€the€Personifications.€€He€Ìowed€them€his€life€and€his€feelings€for€them€were€not€just€those€of€€Ìgratitude,€They€were€his€children.€€Ìà ? àHe€realised€that€this€moment€was€a€pivotal€moment€of€decision:€€Ìeither€the€human€or€the€Personification€offspring€would€have€to€Ìbe€let€go.€If€he€went€with€Will,€presuming,€of€course€that€he€Ìcould,then€it€was€unlikely€that€he€would€be€coming€back€at€his€age.€€ÌHe€certainly€could€not€take€his€motley€mechanised€family€with€him,€Ìnor€could€he€bear€the€thought€of€possibly€seeing€them€hurt.€And€Ìyet,€how€much€would€goodbye€hurt€them?,€and€if€he€did€stay,€what€would€Ìbe€the€future?€€Another€few€years€of€boredom€and€card€games€and€then€a€Ìsmall€plot€of€red€sand€or€maybe€a€clear€preservative€case€like€Will's€€Ìmother.€€Would€they€change€Ma's€Bar€to€Mausoleum€Bar?€€It€would€Ìbe€appropriate,€lying€forever€surrounded€by€his€inexhaustible€Ìheirs€and€by€encroaching€decay.€Ìà ? àThe€thought€of€Dee€Prince€drew€his€eyes€to€her€final€Ìresting€place.€€Still,€perhaps€he€felt€more€man€than€machine,€Ìtenderly€touching€the€locket€that€contained€a€lock€of€her€hair.€€ÌIt€was€a€sentimental€old„fashioned€gesture€and€he€had€always€been€Ìa€sucker€for€sentiment,€he€had€vowed€to€take€care€of€the€kid€if€Ìhe€ever€showed€up,€like€Dee€had€always€said€he€would.€€That€promise€Ìspurred€him€on€to€a€hard€choice;€he€would€have€to€go€to€Spoggle.€€There€Ìwas€so€much€to€tell€the€lad€that€only€he€could€tell.€€Surd€looked€Ìlong€at€the€family€he€was€soon€to€leave,€tears€welling€up€in€his€good€Ìeye.€It€was€going€to€be€a€hard€parting.€€Ìà ? àThe€impact€of€Sir€Bastable's€mailed€palm€between€his€shoulder„€Ìblades€sent€Surd's€voice€box€into€a€symphony€of€equine€fury.€€Ìà ? à'Squire,€don't€dawdle€you€lazy€wretch,€polish€my€best€armour.€€€ÌWe're€going€on€a€quest.'€€Ìà ? àOn€the€other€hand,€thought€Surd€as€he€straightened€his€smarting€€Ìback,€maybe€the€parting€wouldn't€be€so€bad€after€all.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àÌÌà ? àÌà ? à"Isn't€it€about€time€you€started€to€do€something?"€the€Orange€€ÌThingy€belched€indignantly.€€Ìà ? à"Just€a€little€while€longer,"€the€Purple€One€returned€across€€Ìthe€spaceways,€hiding€its€own€impatience€behind€amusement€at€Ìthe€restlessness€of€the€other.€€Ìà ? à"It's€catching,€is€it?"€Orange€sniffed€sulphurously.€€Ìà ? à"What's€catching?"€If€Purple€had€eyebrows€he€would€have€creased€€Ìthem€in€puzzlement€making€them€look€like€a€colony€of€caterpillars€€Ìwith€a€bellyache.€€Ìà ? à"The€lack€of€action€from€these€creatures."€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌ€€Ì€€ÌActually,€the€Orange€Thingy€was€wrong,€a€vote€had€been€taken€€Ìamongst€the€biological€inhabitants€of€Ma's€Bar€and€a€demand€for€€Ìaction€had€been€unanimous.€€It€was€not€much€of€an€action€to€be€Ìfair,€but€all€felt€that€it€was€most€pressing.€€After€being€Ìsubstantially€fed€and€watered,€Will€Prince€had€been€consigned€toÌthe€bath€and€Abel€had€provided€some€new€apparel.€€The€utility€suitÌhad€outlived€its€usefulness.€€Ì€€ÌÌÌWill€luxuriated€in€a€supply€of€water,€provided€by€the€recycling€€Ìingenuity€of€Surd,€a€liquid€that€did€not€run€out€in€under€a€Ìminute.€His€heavily€sodden€hands€toyed€with€a€rubber€duck€as€he€Ìwondered€if€it€was€a€family€heirloom.€€Ìà ? àSulphur€lay€slumped€in€the€sink,€silent€and€thoughtful,€like€€ÌWill,€toying€with€an€image€of€the€past.€€The€Dragon€realised€Ìwith€some€disquiet€that€the€relationship€with€his€human€charge€was€Ìabout€to€be€transformed€beyond€all€recognition.€€For€years,€Man€and€ÌDragon€had€lived€in€a€cramped€space€getting€on€each€other's€nerves,€Ìyet€basically€dependent€on€one€another€for€company.€€Even€Sulphur€Ìhad€to€admit€that,€however€much€the€COMS€domestic€appliance€systems€Ìmight€benefit€mankind,€they€could€not€be€relied€upon€for€Ìcompanionship.€€€Ìà ? àThat€was€what€he€and€Will€had€shared,€companionship;€mutual€€Ìdependence€and€enforced€toleration€of€each€other's€foibles,€Ìwithin€sensible€limits€of€course.€They€had€been€all€that€each€other€Ìhad€had.€Now€all€that€would€change;€it€was€a€time€for€new€experiences,€Ìa€time€for€these€others.€€The€dragon's€circuits€were€working€overtime€Ìat€producing€sensations€approximating€jealousy.€€Sulphur's€role€in€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðlife€had€suddenly€disappeared.€€The€others€would€share€Will's€Ìconfidences,€they€would€have€his€friendship,€his€habitual€whining,€Ìhis€pettiness,€his€general€nerdishness...€€€Ìà ? àAnd€what€is€there€to€be€for€me?€The€dragon's€answer€came€in€€Ìletters€writ€large€across€the€pathways€of€his€XXI7€Magatronian€Ìbrain:€FREEDOM.€€Suddenly,€Sulphur€felt€cheerful€again.€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌMagda€and€Grendella€had€taken€their€drinks€outside€for€a€last€€Ìlook€at€the€Martian€scenery.€€Ìà ? à'Bally€did€some€damage,€didn't€he?'€€Ìà ? à'Not€as€much€as€one€of€your€rock€concerts.'€€Ìà ? àGrendella€smiled,€genuinely€pleased€by€this€mention€of€her€€Ìunmusical€past.€€Ìà ? à'You're€too€kind,'€She€watched€as€Magda€took€a€sip€of€the€€Ìparticularly€lethal€cocktail.€€'It€always€surprised€me.'€€Ìà ? à'What?'€Magda€asked.€€Ìà ? à'That€you€neck„biters€ate€and€drunk€as€normal.'€€Ìà ? à'I'm€a€big€fan,€but€even€I€couldn't€stand€"blood,€blood,€€Ìglorious€blood"€on€its€own€for€nine€hundred€years.'€€€Ìà ? à'Suppose€not.'€Grendella€conceded€'How've€things€been€?'€€Ìà ? à'Okay...tedious.€This€has€come€along€at€just€the€right€time.€€I€€Ìwas€almost€down€to€the€freeze„dried€stuff.'€€Ìà ? à'Mars€isn't€the€place€it€once€was.'€€Ìà ? à'Nowhere€is€the€place€it€once€was.'€€Ìà ? àThey€raised€their€glasses€together,€toasting€the€dead€red€€Ìlandscape.€€Ìà ? à'To€new€horizons.'€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'Seeeee€the€shanty€towns€on€Alpha€8€....€da€da€da€da€da€da...€€Ìwith€a€dinner€plate...€da€da€da€da€da€da...€while€you€wait,€you€Ìhave€come€for€freeeee.'€€Ìà ? àWhen€Will€started€to€sing,€Sulphur€decided€to€give€his€new„Ìfound€liberty€an€early€test„run.€€His€leaving€had€nothing€to€do€with€Ìthe€fact€that€the€human's€voice€was€as€tuneless€as€an€un„oiled€Ìengine,€or€that€the€acoustics€were€terrible,€that€was€what€the€dragon€Ìtold€himself€as€he€fled€Will's€neatly€tiled€concert€hall.€€In€Ìreality,€Will's€voice€was€so€awful€that€you€would€have€to€be€stone€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðdeaf€to€be€able€to€enjoy€it,€and€even€then,€the€odd€fluctuations€caused€Ìby€the€piercing€soundwaves€would€probably€give€you€a€headache.€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌSurd€was€seated€at€the€bottom€of€the€stairs€looking€medative€€Ìand€thoughtful,€or€so€it€seemed;€it€was€difficult€to€tell€with€Ìthe€constant€neighing€and€the€shielding€effect€provided€by€the€Ìlarge€area€of€scrap€metal€that€covered€his€face,€Surd€was€certainly€Ìnot€so€absorbed€that€he€did€not€notice€Sulphur's€arrival.€€Ìà ? à'Is€the€kid€alone?'€The€Martian€asked.€€Ìà ? à'If€by€kid,€you€mean€Will,€no,€he's€not€alone.€€He€has€his€€Ìvoice€with€him.€Unfortunately,'€came€the€cryptic€response.€€€Ìà ? à'Do€you€mind€if€I€see€him?'€€Ìà ? à'Not€at€all.€€Do€you€have€any€COMS€350?'€Sulphur€asked€for€a€€Ìbrand€of€oil€specially€blended€for€Personifications.€€€€Ìà ? à'The€door€in€the€corner.€€Third€drawer€on€the€left€in€the€€Ìdesk.'€€Ìà ? àAs€Surd€made€his€way€upstairs,€taking€care€to€retract€the€skate€€Ìwheels€in€his€shoes,€Sulphur€headed€for€the€door€indicated,€one€Ìthick€taloned€paw€feeling€back€between€his€scaly€shoulder„blades.€€ÌWith€all€that€had€happened€it€was€hardly€surprising€that€he€was€feeling€Ìa€little€rundown€and€tense.€€However,€what€he€saw€when€he€opened€Ìthe€door€to€Surd's€workshop€dramatically€increased€his€tension.€€Ìà ? àThe€more€advanced€Personifications,€were€superior€to€the€first€€Ìgeneration€models€in€many€ways,€one€of€these€was€an€increased€€Ìsensitivity€to€their€surroundings.€So€this€room,€that€would€not€Ìeven€make€a€first€generation€werewolf€turn€a€hair,€brought€Sulphur€Ìto€a€condition€closely€approximating€nausea€combined€with€quivering€Ìpanic.€€Ìà ? àTo€the€dragon,€this€room,€with€its€naked€mechanised€body€parts€€Ìscattered€carelessly€and€piled€to€the€rafters,€was€an€obscenity,€Ìa€charnel€house.€€It€was€as€if€Will€had€walked€into€a€room€piled€Ìhigh€with€dismembered€Human€corpses.€€Fighting€valiantly€against€the€€Ìstrident€protestations€of€disgust€coursing€through€his€Ìcircuits,€Sulphur€made€his€way€to€the€indicated€drawer€and€pulled€it€Ìopen.€Inside€was€the€oil€and€also€something€truly€terrible.€€Sulphur€Ìknew,€as€he€plucked€up€the€oil€and€made€for€the€door€with€his€orbs€Ìclosed,€rebelling€against€the€sight,€that€he€would€visualise€the€pieces€Ìof€that€carefully€dissected€Magatronian€brain€in€the€drawer€for€Ìsome€time€to€come.€Taking€care€to€avoid€Fitche,€who€was€in€full€Ìboast€about€his€plans€to€his€first€generation€peers,€Sulphur€found€a€Ìquiet€corner€to€calm€down€his€jangled€insides.€€He€took€a€large€swig€Ìof€the€oil€and€let€his€internal€diffuser€work€its€magic,€sending€an€Ìalmost€orgasmic€stream€of€revitalising€liquid€to€the€points€where€it€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwas€needed€most.€He€knew€that€whatever€its€curative€qualities,€no€Ìamount€of€the€stimulating€fuel€could€ever€fully€erase€the€horrors€that€Ìhe€had€just€seen.€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌOblivious€to€the€damage€that€his€workshop€had€inflicted€upon€€ÌSulphur's€delicately€balanced€psyche,€Abel€Surd€was€in€the€Ìmiddle€of€pitching€his€decision€to€his€son.€€Ìà ? à'You€can't€go!'€Will€exploded,€sending€a€cascade€of€suds€onto€€Ìthe€floor,€'You're€too€old.'€€Ìà ? à'Old.€What€do€you€mean,€old?'€€Ìà ? à'You're€over€a€hundred.'€€Ìà ? à'I'm€a€hundred€and€seven.€€So€what?'€€Ìà ? à'Well,€you're€old,€then.'€€Ìà ? à'Have€you€been€listening€to€what€they've€been€saying€down€€Ìthere,€kid?'€€Ìà ? à'About€what?'€€Ìà ? à'About€their€ages.€€Merlyn's€well€over€a€thousand€easy,€Magda's€€Ìa€bit€coy€but€she's€got€to€be€loads€of€centuries,€and€I€don't€Ìwant€to€think€about€the€Dwarf€and€Elfen€double€act.€€If€those€two€Ìdecided€to€claim€an€old„age€pension,€it€would€bankrupt€a€small€solar€Ìsystem.'€€Ìà ? à'They're€different,'€Will€stubbornly€stuck€out€his€lower€lip.€€€ÌSuch€tactics€may€have€worked€on€Sulphur,€but€it€was€soon€clear€Ìthat€they€were€not€going€to€work€on€his€father.€€Ìà ? à'Special.'€€Ìà ? à'How€are€they€special?'€Surd€looked€almost€as€offended€as€he€€Ìsounded.€€Ìà ? à'They're€still€young,€still€fit.'€€Ìà ? àSurd€thought€about€this€for€a€moment.€€Ìà ? à'Can€they€do€this?'€He€asked€as€he€casually€moved€to€the€sink€€Ìand€with€his€metallic€arm,€carelessly€ripped€it€from€the€wall€Ìbefore€he€proceeded€to€crush€the€porcelain€into€a€powder,€whose€Ìconsistency,€if€Will€had€seen€any€to€make€the€comparison,€would€haveÌshown€a€marked€resemblance€to€flour.€€Ìà ? à'Can€they€do€this?'€Surd€asked€the€question€matter„of„factly€as€€Ìhe€turned€his€attention€to€the€geyser€of€water,€roaring€forth€Ìfrom€the€brutalised€remains€of€the€pipes,€where€the€sink€had€been.€€ÌHe€held€out€his€mechanised€hand€and€with€a€flick€of€the€wrist,€a€Ìlaser€beam€shot€forth€from€a€concealed€aperture€and€melted€the€pipes€Ìuntil€the€flow€of€water€was€closed€off.€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌDownstairs,€the€sounds€of€the€bathroom€commotion€caused€limited€€Ìcomment.€€Ìà ? à'If€he€kills€the€lad,€do€we€still€have€to€go?'€asked€Merlyn.€€Ìà ? à'Don't€worry.€€I€think€throwing€things€about€the€place€is€how€€Ìthe€family€shows€affection.€€I€used€to€visit€when€his€mother€Ìwas€alive.'€Balidare€observed€absently,€before€returning€his€Ìattention€back€to€the€enthralled€audience€of€Personifications€that€had€Ìgathered€to€listen€to€his€tale.€€Merlyn€silently€noted,€with€approval,€Ìthat€some€things€about€his€old€friend€had€not€changed.€€Ìà ? à'So!€€Merlyn€here,€the€great€and€mystic€one,€walked€up€to€the€€Ìemperor€Claudius,€bold€as€you€please,€all€the€while,€completely€€Ìignoring€the€rest€of€the€expeditionary€force,€and€said...'€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ìà ? àÌÌÌÌà ? à'Or€can€they€do€this?'€€Ìà ? àUp€in€the€bathroom€things€were€starting€to€get€silly.€€In€place€€Ìof€the€expected€small€wheels,€spikes€had€appeared€out€of€the€Ìsoles€of€Abel's€shiny€feet€and€he€was€now€walking€back€and€forth€across€Ìthe€ceiling.€€Ìà ? à'Okay!€€Come€down.€€You've€made€your€point.'€€Ìà ? àSurd€returned€to€the€floor,€secretly€glad€that€Will€had€called€€Ìa€halt.€€Abel€had€been€an€the€verge€of€running€out€of€Ìimpressive€hidden€gadgets.€€He€had€trained€the€Personifications€well,€Ìthey€had€done€a€fine,€if€somewhat€over„imaginative€job€of€work€when€they€Ìhad€built€his€limbs.€€Personally,€Surd€thought€that€the€Isaac€ÌAsimov€model€was€to€blame€for€some€of€his€limbs€more€eccentric€uses.€€ÌThey€should€never€have€let€him€check€the€blueprints.€€Ìà ? àWill€too€was€thinking€of€the€Personifications.€€If€he€did€take€€Ìthe€old€man,€it€was€lucky€that€they€did€not€need€a€bathroom,€because€€Ìthere€was€no€way€that€the€one€he€was€seated€in€would€be€usable€Ìin€the€near€future.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌNearer€and€nearer,€the€great€bolt€of€necromantic€energy€powered€€Ìits€way€across€the€heavens.€On€course€for€Mars.€€Ìà ? à"What's€that?"€The€Purple€Thingy€took€note€of€the€blue€blazing€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðphenomenon.€€Ìà ? à"Our€lives€passing€us€by,"€offered€the€Orange€One,€its€horrid€€Ìdelivery€dripping€with€heavy€irony.€€Ìà ? à"Stop€moaning.€€You're€always€moaning."€€Ìà ? à"I'm€bored."€€Ìà ? à"You're€always€bored.€€Half€the€civilisations€in€the€Cosmos€have€€Ìsuffered€because€of€your€boredom."€€Ìà ? à"I€can't€help€it€if€life's€more€boring€today."€€Ìà ? à"When€was€it€ever€not€boring?"€Ìà ? à"There€used€to€be€loads€of€great€things€happening.€All€those€€Ìgods€zipping€about€the€place€creating€things."€€Ìà ? à"They€wouldn't€have€had€to€zip€about€if€you€hadn't€destroyed€€Ìthings€as€fast€as€they€created€them.€€You€were€bored€then,€too."€€Ìà ? à"Rubbish!"€€Ìà ? à"Face€it.€€You're€a€vandal."€€Ìà ? àThe€Orange€One€did€not€respond.€€Preferring€to€lapse€into€a€Ìhuge€sulk.€€It€should€have€known€that€Purple€would€not€understand;€Ìthose€mauve€brains€did€not€have€the€space€to€hold€a€sense€of€history€Ìor€nostalgia.€€But€of€course,€Its€Orange€intellect€was€far€Ìsuperior;€It€knew€the€truth,€and€the€truth€was€just€that:€"Thingy's€wereÌnot€what€they€used€to€be."€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌNow€that€all€the€bathing€and€decision„making€seemed€€Ìover,€everyone€assembled€around€the€biggest€table€in€the€bar.€€€€Ìà ? à'I€call€this€first€meeting€of€the€executive€committee€of€€ÌHeroics€INC.€to€order.€€Will€Prince,€Chairman,€presiding.'€Will€Ìsaid,€looking€suitably€solemn.€€Ìà ? à'What€a€pillock!'€whispered€Magda.€€Ìà ? à'Yes,€but€he's€our€pillock,€and€we're€stuck€with€him,'€hissed€€ÌGrendella€through€a€clenched€smile.€€Ìà ? àMerlyn€was€confused,€'Where€does€he€get€all€this€from.'€€Ìà ? à'Bad€genetics€probably.'€Balidare€suggested.€€Ìà ? à'COMS€Educational€Video,'€Sulphur€provided€a€serious€answer.€€Ìà ? àMerlyn's€confusion€deepened.€€'Video!€€What's€that?'€€Ìà ? àWill€was€starting€to€enjoy€his€officious€role.€€Being€Ìbusinesslike€seemed€like€a€good€idea.€€'Please,€Ladies€and€ÌGentlemen,€Order.'€€Ìà ? à'I'll€have€fifteen€cans€of€seriously€strong€lager,€said€€ÌGrendella.€€Ìà ? à'I'll€have€a€new€chairman,'€Balidare€requested.€€Ìà ? à'Please!€€This€is€serious,'€pleaded€Will.€€Ìà ? à'I€know,€that's€why€I€asked€for€a€new€chairman.'€€Ìà ? àAfter€the€groups€amusement€at€their€inglorious€leader's€expense€€Ìhad€subsided,€Will€stopped€pouting€and€continued.€€€€Ìà ? à'The€first€thing€is€that€we€need€to€know€who's€going.€€I€think€€Ìa€show€of€hands€would€be€best.'€There€was€a€polite€dragon„ish€cough.€Ð Ð/ +0 Ð'Or€talons,'€Will€conceded.€€Ìà ? àEveryone€round€the€table€shrugged€together,€as€if€choreographed,€€Ìthen€raised€an€appendage€in€the€air.€€At€the€rear€of€the€Ìclustered€Personifications,€no€one€in€the€room€noticed€as€an€armouredÌarm€indicated€its€commitment€to€the€quest.€€Up€in€space,€a€name€was€Ìadded€to€a€many€brained,€mauvely€mental€list.€€Ìà ? à'Balidare,€Grendella,€Sulphur,€Magda,€Father€and€Me,'€Will€€Ìshowed€off€his€memory€for€names.€€Ìà ? à'An€elfen€that€looks€like€a€dwarf,€a€dwarfen€that€looks€like€an€€Ìelve,€a€midget€dragon,€a€decrepit€Martian,€an€odd„looking€Ìvampire€and€a€fool.'€The€aged€J.R.R€Tolkien€model€whisperedÌincredulously,€'What€is€this?€€Fantasy€pick€'n'€mix?€€They€don't€putÌquests€together€like€they€did€in€my€day.'€€Ìà ? à'Nor€mine,'€Sir€Bastable€buffed€pompously€in€agreement€although€€Ìhe€had€absolutely€no€idea€what€his€fellow€machine€was€talking€Ìabout.€€Ìà ? à'Well,€what's€next?'€Merlyn€asked€the€question€for€all€of€them.€€Ìà ? àWill€was€just€on€the€verge€of€admitting€that€he€did€not€know,€€Ìwhen€the€Purple€Queen€arrived.€€Ìà ? à'Bon€voyage,'€she€said.€€Ìà ? àSuddenly,€before€anyone€could€react,€the€board,€and€first€€Ìmeeting€of€Heroics€Inc.€were€encased€in€a€rather€fetching€lilac€€Ìcloud.€€Ìà ? àAbel€Surd€had€just€a€split€second€to€think:€"Not€like€this,€not€€Ìnow.€€I€haven't€even€had€a€chance€to€say"...,€€before€all€the€€Ìpotential€adventurers€disappeared.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€Ìà ? àÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'Goodbye.'€Surd€completed€his€thought€aloud.€€Ìà ? à'Why,€valet,'€Sir€Bastable€gave€him€a€hearty€thump€of€€Ìencouragement,€'where€art€thou€going?'€€Ìà ? à'What€are€you€doing€here?'€€Ìà ? à'What€are€any€of€us€doing€here?'€Balidare€voiced€the€words€that€€Ìthey€were€all€thinking.€€Ìà ? àThe€combined€membership€of€Heroics€INC.€had€not€known€what€to€€Ìexpect,€but€as€a€collective€group€there€was€a€definite€feeling€Ìof€something€wrong.€€They€were€all€crammed€into€an€enclosed€space€Ìthat€made€Will's€apartment€look€roomy,€around€them€ranged€archaicÌconsoles,€flashing€lights€and€dust€covered€metallic€surfaces.€€Ìà ? à'Welcome!'€The€word€was€uttered€in€a€number€of€different€€Ìvoices.€€Not€that€anyone€noticed.€€With€the€exception€of€ÌGrendella,€they€all€heard€just€one€voice,€saw€one€face,€on€the€hugeÐ Ð/ +0 Ðgrime„encrusted€monitor€screen€in€the€corner.€€Ìà ? àWill€and€Surd€saw€his€mother,€Balidare,€his€father,€Sir€€ÌBastable€saw€his€warhorse,€etc.€€Once€again,€a€certain€tangerine„€Ìtinged€malcontent€had€customised€its€message€to€meet€its€target€€Ìaudience.€€A€kidnapped€audience.€€Ìà ? à'This€is€not€Spoggle.€€You€are€in€an€old€pirate€satellite€€Ìstation€positioned€beyond€Mars.€€Your€colleagues€cannot€hear€Ìthis€message.€€It€is€a€secret€between€us.€€Do€not€tell€them€what€you€Ìhave€seen.€€Do€not€trust€the€Purple€Queen.€€She€is€evil€and€hopes€to€Ìdupe€you,€to€get€the€MADID€for€her€horrible€schemes.€€Once€you€are€€Ìdeposited€on€Spoggle,€I€will€not€be€able€to€help€you.€€But,€Ìplease,€please,€do€not€give€the€MADID€to€Sharon.€€I€can€show€you€a€Ìbetter€way.€€With€the€help€of€the€good€forces€I€represent,€I€can€Ìbring€you€safely€back€here€and€then€to€whatever€time€and€place€in€the€Ìuniverse€that€you€wish.€€We€can€be€together€again€if€you€want.€€We€can€Ìhave€the€chance€to€start€again.'€€Ìà ? àThe€monitor€went€blank.€€There€was€an€embarrassed€silence€in€€Ìthe€room.€€No€one€wanted€to€speak€for€a€moment€of€what,€or€who,€Ìthey€had€seen€and€before€anyone€got€the€chance€to€return€to€curious€€Ìnormality,€they€were€all€turned€into€energy€particles€and€thrown€Ìacross€the€universe.€€Ì€€Ì€€Ì€€ÌÌÌÌÌBuck€Chandler€had€been€through€a€hectic€few€days.€€The€Tolgan€€ÌEmpire€had€launched€a€powerful€new€offensive.€€This€time€they€Ìposed€a€threat,€not€only€to€the€safety€of€his€beloved€Princess€ÌQuarg€and€her€people€on€Quantag€Maxus,€but€to€the€fate€of€the€Ìentire€universe.€€Ìà ? àFortunately,€there€had€been€one€Star„Corps€major€who€had€been€€Ìmore€than€equal€to€the€challenge.€€A€mega„modest,€square„jawed€Ìhero€and€all„round€good€guy,€who€had€stood€up€courageously€to€an€Ìentire€empire€and€came€away€victorious.€€As€he€powered€his€way€to€new€Ìand€even€more€incredible€adventures,€Chandler€allowed€himself€a€Ìmoment€of€introspection,€a€fleeting€memory€of€the€previous€day's€Ìencounter€designed€to€prove€that€he€was€not€just€a€shallow€muscle„Ìbound€oaf,€that€he€could€sometimes€also€think.€€Ìà ? àFor€as€long€as€there€was€history,€as€long€as€man€cherished€€Ìtruth,€justice€and€the€Star„Corps€way,€the€battle€of€Balabong€7€Ìwould€be€remembered.€€The€situation€had€seemed€hopeless:€a€million€Ìgleaming€evil„looking€ships,€the€pride€of€the€Tolgan€invasion€force,€Ìeach€crewed€by€twenty€eight€crack€Tolgan€death„troopers€had€looked€Ìset€to€sweep€their€way€across€the€universe,€wreaking€havoc€and€Ìdevastation€as€they€at€last€established€the€domination€of€the€TolganÌmaster€race;€a€domination€that€looked€destined€to€last€a€billion€years.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àWhen€all€had€seemed€totally€beyond€hope,€when€most€of€the€planetary€Ìsystems€in€the€area€had€cashed€in€their€insurance€policies€and€gone€onÌone€final€spree,€it€had€happened,€the€miracle,€the€coming€of€the€hero.€€ÌWith€suicidal€bravado,€the€strata„charger€Warspite€had€roared€out€of€Ìthe€heavens,€throwing€down€a€challenge€to€the€massed€and€menacing€ÌTolgan€ranks.€€A€duel€to€the€death.€€Ìà ? àIt€had€been€hairy€work.€€But€a€million„to„one€seemed€manageable€€Ìodds€for€a€top„notch€Star„Corps€major€and€his€"old€crate"€had€€Ìperformed€well.€Twenty„eight€million€Tolgans€had€met€their€Ìmaker€in€the€space€of€five€minutes,€the€universe€had€been€saved,€and€ÌChandler€had€even€had€time€to€stop€by€for€tea€and€crispy€biscuits€on€ÌQuantag€Maxus.€€There,€he€had€been€presented,€for€the€fifty„sixth€time,€Ìwith€the€ultimate€decoration€that€the€Quantagians€could€bestow;€the€€ÌTitranium€book„token€of€Martamis€the€Second.€€However,€more€Ìimportant€than€the€civic€presentation€to€the€love„struck€manly€tongue„Ìtied€major€was€the€award€of€a€maidenly€kiss€from€the€three€sets€of€Ìlips€of€Princess€€Quarg,€and€a€look€of€loving€admiration€from€those€Ìfive€twinkling€long„lashed€eyes.€€He€knew€that€one€day€he€would€make€Ìher€his€bride.€But€the€delights€of€matrimony€were€for€the€future.€€ÌFor€now,€the€Major€had€to€content€himself€with€cold€showers€and€the€€Ìdemanding€regime€of€a€galactic€legend.€€Somewhere€out€there,€Ìthere€were€still€billions€of€adventures€with€the€name,€"CHANDLER",€Ìstencilled€in€huge€golden€letters€all€over€them.€€€€Ìà ? àSuddenly,€Buck€was€called€back€to€the€present.€€His€square„jaws€€Ìtightened€on€his€sensibly€low€nicotine€cigar.€€There€should€not€Ìbe€anything€in€this€sector,€but€the€Warspite's€systems€registered€€Ìsomething€horrible.€€Slowly,€defences€up,€the€Warspite€swooped€€Ìtowards€the€large€and€ominous€mass€indicated,€until€finally,€ÌChandler€could€see€it,€the€whole€five€hundred€parsecs€wide,€mass€of€it.€€ÌThe€most€nasty€and€villainous€space„station€in€creation,€a€Tolgan€€Ì"Mean„ness€Star".€The€ultimate€weapon€of€his€deadly€enemies,€it€Ìhad€the€capacity€to€wipe€out€entire€Galaxies€with€a€single€blast€of€its€€Ìsmallest€lazer„canon.€€That€was€the€bad€news.€Luckily€for€Ìcreation,€the€good€news€was€that€Buck€Chandler€was€on€the€case€and€had€a€Ìplan.€The€Meaness€Star€was€fortunately€positioned€just€above€a€major€Ìsun.€Chandler€was€going€to€attempt€the€impossible;€he€was€going€to€Ìstrike€the€Tolgan€ship€a€glancing€blow€with€the€Warspite,€sending€it€Ìon€an€off„balanced€course€into€that€sun.€€Ìà ? àIt€was€a€solemn€moment,€Chandler€gave€a€last€loving€look€at€the€€Ìphoto€of€Princess€Quarg,€the€one€taken€with€the€heavy„duty€Ìfright„proof€lens.€Then€he€gently€pressed€the€button€marked€"blaze„Ìjets"€and€zoomed€with€amazing€speed€towards€his€target.€The€five€million€€ÌTolgans€aboard,€each€involved€in€some€nefarious€awful€scheme,€Ìnever€knew€what€hit€them.€€Before€a€single€shot€could€be€loosed€they€Ìhad€plunged€into€the€sun€and€met€their€firey€doom.€€Back€on€their€€Ìhomeworld,€To1gan„Nebulon,€recruitment€for€the€space€services€Ìwas€going€to€suffer€a€severe€setback.€€Thirty„three€million€Tolgans€Ìhad€died€in€two€days;€that€was€an€awful€lot€of€pensions€for€widows€Ìand€orphans.€€The€Tolgans€would€have€to€try€and€invade€territory€to€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðpay€for€it€all.€€Buck€Chandler€had€been€victorious€again.€€Ìà ? àThis€is€all€a€very€roundabout€way€of€saying€that€the€bonkers€€Ìauto„piloting€mechanism,€located€in€the€front€half€of€the€Ìwrecked€Mars€transport,€had€continued€on€its€way,€managing,€in€the€Ìsplit€second€that€the€members€of€Heroics€INC.€were€hurled€across€the€€ÌCosmos,€to€crash€into€a€certain€pirate€satellite€station,€Ìsending€the€return€staging€post€promised€by€the€Orange€Thingy,€Ìhurteling€into€Jupiter€and€thence€into€several€thousand€small€pieces.€€ÌAnother,€seemingly€less€disastrous,€consequence€of€the€impact€was€that€Ìthe€Mars€transport€slipped€into€the€temporary€hole€left€in€space€by€Ìthe€passage€of€the€adventurers€and€was€likewise€tossed€across€Ìeternity.€€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌApproaching€Ashton,€Iowa€:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌThe€Judge€at€their€second€trial€had€seemed€to€have€only€two€Ìoptions€with€regard€to€the€hapless€Casper€and€Blossom€Titwilleger.€€ÌHe€could€bring€back€hanging,€or€he€could€try€burning€them€at€the€Ìstake.€€Fortunately€for€the€reluctant€visitors€from€Iowa,€a€gentlemen€Ìfrom€the€Home€Office€had€intervened€at€the€request€of€the€ÌTitwillegers€British€law€firm,€"Snatchet,€Grabbet€&€Scarper€Q.C."€The€ÌHome€Office€Rep€had€pointed€out€that€a€public€execution€in€Leicester€ÌSquare€of€two€tourists€might€possibly€cause€some€damage€to€the€Ìreputation€of€the€British€travel€industry€and€thereby€harm€the€Ìcountry's€balance€of€payments.€€The€Judge,€much€against€his€will,€had€Ìbeen€prevailed€upon€to€consider€a€second€attempt€at€deportation,€Ìadding€an€impassioned,€"...AND€STAY€OUT!"€to€the€normal€sentencing€Ìformula.€€This€time,€the€U.K€Government€had€taken€no€chances,€and€had€Ìsent€the€Titwillegers€home€by€Royal€Navy€Destroyer,€handcuffed€and€in€Ìleg„irons,€with€an€armed€S.A.S€escort.€€For€Casper,€in€spite€of€the€Ìdiscomfort€he€had€been€through,€it€was€all€made€worthwhile€as,€Ìreleased€from€his€restraints,€he€made€his€way€down€the€gangplank,€Ìsolemnly€kissed€the€New€York€ground€and€mouthed€with€heart„felt€Ìrelief,€"God€Bless€America."Ìà ? àNot€that€the€U.S.€had€been€any€more€kind€than€England€in€those€Ìfirst€few€days.€€Admittedly,€The€Statue€of€Liberty€had€not€thrown€her€Ìarms€up€in€horror€as€they€passed€by,€but€the€stoic€operatives€from€Ìthe€F.B.I€had€not€been€ecstatic€about€their€return€to€the€shores€of€Ìtheir€Homeland.€€Casper€and€Blossom€had€provided€their,€by€now,€Ìpolished€response,€"We€don't€know",€to€all€questions€and€had€been€Ìfinally,€if€grudgingly,€released€to€find€that€the€tabloid€editors€Ìwere€possibly€the€only€people€in€the€country€who€were€pleased€to€see€Ìthem.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à"The€Wacky€Wizard€of€Iowa",€as€he€had€been€dubbed€by€leading€Ìjournals€up€and€down€the€land,€sat€in€brooding€silence,€watching€the€Ìscenery€pass€by,€hidden€by€a€huge€and€unlikely€looking€beard,€Casper€Ìwas€on€a€train€bound€for€home.€€He€knew€that€whatever€the€eventual€Ìoutcome€of€his€recent€adventures,€one€thing€was€certain;€he€would€Ìnever€fly€or€go€overseas,€again.Ìà ? àDistantly,€Casper€listened€to€the€radio,€scanning€the€news.€€ÌHad€he€been€right€to€insist€that€they€travel€separately?€€That€she€Ìtake€the€bus?€€He€felt€guilty€but€safer.€€There€was€no€news€of€wildly€Ìinexplicable€traffic€accidents€to€be€heard.€€But€when€one€was€Ìobviously€dealing€with€a€Witch,€a€brimstone„blackened€servant€of€the€ÌAnti„Christ€such€as€Blossom,€it€was€wise€to€take€precautions.€Weeks€Ìof€incarceration€had€made€things€clear,€there€was€no€other€possible€Ìexplanation.€€Blossom€Titwilleger,€bearer€of€his€name€and€love€of€his€Ìlife,€was€a€foul€sorceress.€€He€did€not€know€what€to€do€first,€Ìexorcise€her€or€divorce€her.€€He€knew€that€he€was€going€to€do€one€of€Ìthem€as€soon€as€he€got€back€to€Ashton.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌBlossom€Titwiliger€had€managed,€with€the€help€of€a€baleful€Ìglare€acquired€after€many€years€of€matrimony,€to€get€a€seat€on€the€ÌGreyhound€to€herself.€€She€managed€to€radiate€a€scornful€indifference€Ìto€her€situation€that€she€was€in€no€way€feeling.€Casper€had€always€Ìbeen€different;€he€seemed€to€like€stuffing€dead€things€a€little€too€Ìmuch,€but€now€he€had€gone€totally€crazy.€€There€was€no€other€Ìexplanation€for€the€way€her€husband€was€behaving.€€It€was€plain€Ìweird.€€He€would€not€come€near€her,€jumped€when€she€spoke€and€the€Ìrest€of€the€time€stood€around€praying,€mouthing€incantations€and€Ìcrossing€himself.€€She€knew€that€brother€Wilbur€did€that€sort€of€Ìstuff,€but€at€least€he€made€a€good€living€at€it,€never€let€it€Ìinterfere€with€daily€life.€€Now,€she€did€not€know€what€to€do,€her€Ìlife€felt€like€her€furniture;€transformed,€scattered€and€thrown€out€Ìof€routine.€€Casper€and€she€had€been€just€normal€folks.€€Now€they€Ìwere€treated€like€some€sort€of€alien€life€form.€€It€was€all€very€Ìconfusing.Ìà ? àThe€bus€swerved€wildly€like€her€thoughts,€having€picked€that€Ìprecise€moment€to€get€a€puncture.€€Whilst€the€driver€was€outside,€Ìcursing€his€fate€and€the€mother€of€every€bus€mechanic€he€could€think€Ìof,€Blossom€made€her€escape.Ìà ? àShe€just€slowly€got€off€the€bus€and€walked€away.€There€had€to€Ìbe€more€to€life€than€this,€and€she€was€going€to€find€it.ÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌAfter€everyone€disappeared€there€was€a€moments€silence.€€The€Ìnotable,€the€great€and€the€ingrates,€all€were€silent.€€They€had€lived€Ìwith€Surd,€with€his€bad€jokes€and€general€bad€habits€for€decades.€€ÌHis€voice,€his€posture,€his€actions€were€central€to€their€existence,€ÌNow,€he€was€gone,€without€even€saying€goodbye.€They€all€felt€a€little€Ìafraid.€€Even€Al€Capone's€voice€had€lost€some€of€its€usual€roughness€Ìas€he€spoke,Ìà ? à'Any€of€youse€guys€wanna€play€cards?'Ìà ? à'What's€the€point?'€asked€Richard€the€Third.€Ìà ? àCOMS,€in€an€attempt€at€historical€fairness,€had€provided€the€Ìmedieval€monarch€with€a€hump€that€constantly€appeared€and€Ìdisappeared.€€Now,€the€undulations€of€Richard's€back€were€the€only€Ìmovements€in€the€room.€€Scarface€Al€could€not€answer.€Ìà ? àWhat€was€the€point?€They€were€entertainment€models€with€no€one€Ìto€entertain€anymore.€€They€had€no€purpose.€€They€all€decided€to€wait€Ìfor€something€to€happen,€about€two€minutes€later,€something€did.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€great€blue€bolt€of€necromantic€energy€scared€through€the€ÌMartian€air€and€crashed€thunderously€into€the€centre€of€the€bar.€€ÌThe€blue€light,€changed€shade,€great€fizzing€charges€of€violet€Ìskipped€across€the€ceiling,€sensing,€searching.€€Then€the€light€began€Ìto€wane.€The€shapes€of€figures€gradually€became€discernible,€glowing€Ìeerily,€detaching€themselves€from€one€another,€becoming€individual.€€ÌAt€last,€the€light€abruptly€vanished,€depositing€its€newly€shimmering€Ìcargo.Ìà ? àThey€were€an€awesome€sight.€€An€ancient€culture,€lost€for€over€Ìa€thousand€years,€living€again.€€Rugged€men,€powerful€women€dressed€Ìin€rich€plaids,€with€plaited€hair€and€blue€tattoos,€had€kept€an€Ìappointment,€coming€armed€to€the€teeth,€just€in€case.€€Slowly,€Ìsuspiciously,€they€parted,€keeping€their€ancient€and€beautifully€Ìlethal€weapons€ready€for€use,€weapons€whose€effectiveness€was€proven€Ìby€the€human€heads€that€hung€from€their€costumes.Ìà ? àAfter€a€while,€a€space€cleared€among€the€visitors€and€a€woman€Ìstrode€forth,€their€leader.€€This€woman€almost€outdid€Queen€Sharon€Ìfor€grandeur.€€It€was€fortunate€that€the€personifications€had€been€Ìexposed€to€the€side€effects€of€Merlyn's€linguistic€spell,€for€the€Ìtongue€that€she€spoke€was€long€dead.Ìà ? à'These€are€my€people.€€Merlyn€summoned€us.'Ìà ? àWyatt€Earp,€who€was€nearest,€spoke€up€for€his€personified€Ìcompatriots.€€à ï àÐ Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Howdy,€folks!€€We're€sure€happy€to€entertain€friends€of€ÌMerlyn.'Ìà ? àOne€of€Sir€Bastable's€first„generation€cronies€stepped€forward,€Ìhand€out„stretched,€smiling€as€he€spoke.€€Ìà ? à'They€call€me€Lancelot€du€Lac.€€Pleased€to€meet€you.'Ìà ? àThe€visitor€did€not€take€the€offered€hand.Ìà ? à'My€name's€Kinata.€€Where's€Merlyn?€€Are€we€too€late?'€She€Ìsaid.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Where€are€they?"€The€Purple€Thingy€hated€tardiness,€especially€Ìwhen€it€suspected€that€there€was€an€orange€tentacle€involved€in€it€Ìsomewhere.€The€Orange€Thingy,€did€its€best€considering€its€gruesome€Ìappearance,€to€look€vaguely€innocent.€€Once€again,€the€Purple€Thingy€Ìtried€communication€with€Will's€sword€and€once€again€there€was€no€Ìreply.Ìà ? à"Where€are€they?"Ìà ? àThe€Purple€Thingy€impatiently€saved€up€its€speculations€on€the€Ìwhereabouts€of€its€hired€heroes.€€Instead,€it€turned€its€acid„Ìdripping€eyeballs€onto€the€vast€surface€that€was€more€than€equal€to€Ìeven€a€Thingy's€vision.€€Spoggle€was€certainly€impressive,€in€an€Ìextraordinary€kind€of€way.€It€was€huge,€massive,€tremendous;€quite€Ìsimply€the€largest€planetary€mass€in€the€Universe,€or€one€of€them.€€ÌThere€were€actually€eight€such€spheres€scattered€throughout€Ìexistence.€€All€equally€mind„boggling€in€scale,€all€exactly€the€same€Ìin€size,€down€to€the€nearest€micromillimeter,€all€a€rather€dull€Ìopaque€shade€of€grey.Ìà ? àWhatever€else€the€creators€of€Spoggle€had€thought€about,€it€had€Ìnot€been€providing€a€brightly€decorative€touch€to€this€area€of€Ìcreation.€€No€planet€or€planets€were€so€mysterious€as€this€vast€drab€Ìsphere,€none€knew€what€happened€on€it€surface,€what€trials,€what€Ìdangers.€Not€even€the€combined€efforts€of€a€convention€of€multi„Ìcolour€Thingies'€would€dare€to€breach€its€secrets.€€Many€had€gone€Ìbeyond€that€grey€outer€atmosphere,€in€search€of€the€MADID€or€the€Ìstrange€glory€that€attends€a€discoverer.€None€had€returned.€Ìà ? àDespite,€or€perhaps€because€of,€the€absence€of€factual€Ìinformation,€myths€had€sprung€up,€Galactic€gossip€had€flourished€and€Ìno€legend€was€more€potent€than€that€of€the€MADID€and€its€powers.€€ÌNo€one€knew€what€it€looked€like,€but€everyone€knew€that€the€MADID€Ìcould€do€anything.€Perhaps€it€could€even€explain€the€riddle€of€the€Ìplanet's€name.€The€Purple€One€thought.€€"Spoggle",€the€word€was€said€Ìto€be€a€statement;€popularly€believed€to€be€a€profound€but€Ìindecipherable€comment€on€the€nature€of€life€in€the€universe,€yet€Ìsince€it€matched€no€known€tongue,€no€one€had€ever€been€able€to€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðtranslate€it.€€Spoggle;€the€name€was€like€everything€else€about€the€Ìplace,€an€enigma€and€chief€amongst€all€its€unanswerable€questions€was€Ìjust€who€had€created€it€or€its€seven€identical€copies?Ìà ? àOnce€the€universe€had€been€full€of€Gods.€€It€was€as€if€someone€Ìhad€opened€an€academy€for€existence€engineers€and€everyone€had€Ìqualified€at€once.€€All€wanting€to€go€out€and€try€their€new€powers€of€Ìlife,€death€and€creation€on€the€poor€unfortunates€invented€as€play„Ìthings€for€their€amusement.€€Thousands€of€these€Gods€had€vied€with€Ìeach€other€to€show€their€talents,€and€more€and€more€unlikely€races€Ìand€worlds€had€been€called€forth€to€exhibit€some€imagined€refinement€Ìor€piece€of€deified€one„upmanship.Ìà ? àThe€Thingys€had€known€many€of€these€gods€personally€and€had€Ìtried€to€avoid€their€pretentious€arty€posing€whenever€possible.€€But€Ìnone€that€they€had€met€had€ever€claimed€responsibility€for€Spoggle.€€ÌSpoggle€seemed€to€have€always€been€there,€before€anything€else,€when€Ìall€was€just€darkness€or€nothingness,€the€eight€grey€worlds€spun€Ìponderously€in€space.€€Spoggle's€mysterious€creators,€like€all€the€Ìother€universal€creative€artistes€had€long€disappeared,€but€perhaps€Ìtheir€fate€was€something€more€than€a€retirement€home€for€clapped€out€ÌGods,€with€endless€supplies€of€hot„cocoa€available€and€interminable€Ìarguments€over€who€had€won€the€latest€board€game.€€There€had€to€be€Ìmore€than€that€to€the€creators€(or€creator)€of€Spoggle.€€It€was€Ìobvious€that€they€were€much€more€powerful€than€any€showy€run„of„the„Ìmill€deity.€€Maybe€the€human€and€his€companions€would€find€some€clue€Ìto€their€location,€which€brought€the€Thingy€back€to€Its€original€Ìquestion.Ìà ? à"Where€are€they?"ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAldershot,€England:€Early€21st€Century,€September.ÌÌà ? àÌÌà ? à'Where€are€they?€€That's€what€I'd€like€to€know.'€Cecil€Bland€Ìwas€once€again€venting€his€petty€self„righteous€fury€for€an€Ìunlistening€audience€of€one.Ìà ? à'Where's€who,€dear?'€Primrose€Bland€did€not€let€her€attention€Ìwander€from€the€Bible€she€held€in€her€hand,€"The€Official€„€Church€of€Ìmystic€Enlightenment€Via€the€Fundamental€Freakout€and€the€Love€of€Jesus:€ÌSourcework€of€Spiritual€Peace".€€The€five€hundred€dollar€deluxe€bound€Ìedition€had€been€a€personal€gift€from€Wilbur€Prince€and€had€come€Ìcomplete€with€addendum€detailing€his€thoughts€on€an€upbeat€Ìinterpretation€of€the€Hereafter.€€Not€for€the€first€time,€Primrose€Ìtouched€the€hand„writing€on€the€fly€leaf€with€trembling€hands€and€a€Ìfeeling€of€reverent€tenderness,€not€many€people€could€claim€to€have€a€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðpersonally€autographed€edition€of€the€Bible,€signed€by€a€contributor€Ìto€the€good€book.€€Primrose€did€not€care€that€Wilbur's€contribution€€Ìcame€centuries€after€any€other,€because€for€Primrose,€Wilbur€was€Ìgreatness€personified.€€She€felt€that€what€he€had€to€say€was€of€far€Ìmore€interest€than€some€stuffy€old€apostle.€€Meeting€Wilbur€had€Ìaltered€Primrose's€life,€although€some€parts€of€that€life€remained€Ìobstinately€unchangeable.Ìà ? à'They're€not€a€who;€they're€a€what.'ÌÌà ? à'What's€a€what,€dear?'Ìà ? à'Traditional,€good,€old€fashioned€moral€values.€Where€are€Ìthey?'Ìà ? àCecil€had€more€reason€than€most€to€ask€the€question.€€Nothing,€Ìin€his€rigidly€brought„up€background,€had€prepared€him€for€the€events€Ìset€in€motion€by€his€decision€to€swap€homes€with€the€Titwillegers.€€ÌHe€had€half€expected€to€come€home€and€find€incantations€written€in€Ìblood€over€the€lounge€and€the€remains€of€a€sacrificed€goat€on€the€Ìkitchen€table.€€Instead,€thankfully,€things€about€the€home€had€Ìremained€as€reassuringly€nondescript€as€when€they€left.€€A€detailed€Ìpolice€search€of€the€American's€luggage€had€offered€up€no€reading€Ìmatter€more€dark€and€satanic€than€"The€Taxidermist",€quarterly.Ìà ? àOf€course,€the€fact€that€the€dreaded€Casper€and€Blossom€had€not€Ìruined€his€home€did€not€mean€that€no€damage€had€been€caused.€€As€far€Ìas€Cecil€was€concerned€they€had€ruined€his€life.€€The€publicity€had€Ìmade€things€very€difficult€at€the€"Ministry€of€Ag€and€Fish",€he€had€Ìbeen€called€to€account€for€his€actions€by€that€oily€twerp€of€a€ÌMinister€in€person.€€It€had€not€been€a€pleasant€meeting;€as€far€as€Ìthe€civil€service€was€concerned,€Cecil€Bland€had€been€implicated€and€Ìtarnished€by€his€inexplicable€involvement€in,€what€had€nearly€become€Ìa€major€diplomatic€incident.Ìà ? àProblems€at€work€though,€were€only€the€half€of€it.€€He€was€Ìpersona€non€grata€at€the€golf€club,€had€been€black„balled€at€the€ÌConservative€club,€and€had€been€told€point„blank€that€he€had€lost€all€Ìhope€of€ever€becoming€a€mason.€€It€was€a€sign€of€the€times,€the€Ìdisintegration€of€moral€standards,€standards€of€decent€Britishness€Ìwhich€had€eroded€to€the€point€of€extinction€as€far€as€Bland€was€Ìconcerned.€€It€was€probably€something€to€do€with€the€importation€of€Ìburger€bars€and€racy€American€films€all€those€years€ago.Ìà ? àTo€make€things€worse,€the€nightmare€consequences€of€his€holiday€Ìchoice€showed€no€signs€of€diminishing.€€The€news€had€been€announced€Ìeagerly€of€the€disappearance€of€Blossom€Titwilleger.€€Conspiracy€Ìtheorists€already€pointed€to€her€assassination€by€British€Security€ÌServices€or€the€CIA€covert€operations€unit.€Both€organisations€Ìvigorously€denied€their€involvement,€a€fact€that€only€increased€the€Ìgeneral€publics€suspicions€and€the€media's€appetite€for€sensation.Ìà ? à"IS€THIS€MAN€BLOSSOM'S€LOVER?"€The€morning€headlines€had€Ìscreamed,€featuring€a€picture€of€Cecil€Bland€that€looked€distinctly€Ìunerrotic.€His€family€had€not€seemed€to€bother€about€the€revelations.€€ÌPrimrose€had€dismissed€thoughts€of€her€husband€having€a€lover€with€a€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðlevel€of€amusement€that€had€done€nothing€for€his€ego.€€Even€little€ÌCamilla€had€been€unsupportive,€hardly€stirring€from€her€copious€Ìwritings,€her€scrawls€bound€for€the€attention€of€yet€another€Prince€Ìfamily€member,€that€peculiar€youngster€called€Sulphur.Ìà ? àThe€whole€world,€or€rather,€the€whole€of€Cecil€Bland's€world,€Ìwas€going€mad.€€It€was€time€for€action,€for€a€true€Brit€to€defend€his€Ìhearth,€his€home€and€his€livelihood.€€Cecil€Bland€was€not€going€to€Ìtake€this€lying€down.€€Drastic€measures€were€called€for.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? àKAAAABOOOMM!!!€Ìà ? àThe€energy€bolt€that€hit€the€spaceship,€thoughtfully€provided€Ìby€the€Purple€Thingy,€had€looked€suspiciously€orange.€€The€Purple€One€Ìdismissed€it€from€Its€minds,€just€contenting€itself€with€a€long€Ìawaited€arrival.Ìà ? àIt€was€all€very€well€for€the€Thingys€to€get€impatient,€but€the€Ìadventurers€had€covered€an€unimaginable€distance.€€It€was€Ìunsurprising€that€they€were€feeling€somewhat€travel„fatigued€as€they€Ìresumed€their€physical€shape,€vital€bits€of€their€reformed€anatomies€Ìfelt€as€if€they€had€been€tossed€round€more€than€a€grain€of€rice€in€a€ÌWok.Ìà ? àThe€ship's€bridge€was€hugely€impressive,€the€latest€in€Ìspacecraft€design€by€one€of€the€few€benighted€races€that€needed€this€Ìlaborious€means€of€transport,€a€mixture€of€the€technical€and€the€Ìhomely.€€For€every€hardworking€bank€of€flashing€lights,€there€was€a€Ìpotted€plant€or€some€other€personal€touch.€€This€was€not€how€ships€Ìlooked€in€films.€€There€was€none€of€the€sterile€gleaming€neatness€of€Ìsome€movie€vessels€or€the€lived„in€depressing€grunginess€of€others.€€ÌAll€was€spic„and„span,€looking€slightly€like€a€suburban€cottage€owned€Ìby€a€mad€scientist€or€wealthy€industrialist,€out€to€rule€the€world.Ìà ? àWill€could€have€done€without€some€of€the€designer's€house„proud€Ìflourishes.€€The€chintzy€curtains€that€masked€the€billboard„sized€Ìviewing€windows€were€a€bit€much.€€But€it€was€somehow€comforting€to€Ìsit€in€a€captain's€chair€shaped€like€a€sofa€rather€than€a€metal€Ìbench.€€It€was€quite€nice€to€have€a€biscuit€barrel€by€his€side,€full€Ìof€double„choc€cookies€and€custard€creams.Ìà ? àCertainly,€the€adventurers€needed€something€to€ease€their€Ìreturn€to€form€and€consciousness.€€Looking€blearily€around€the€Ìbridge,€Will€could€not€escape€the€impression€that,€somewhere€along€Ìthe€route,€they€had€all€stopped€off€at€some€terrific€party;€they€Ìdefinitely€all€looked€as€if€they€were€battling€with€the€ultimate€Ìhangover.€€The€drunken€analogy€was€carried€further€as€Will€struggled€Ìto€speak€with€a€tongue€that€seemed€fifteen€foot€thick€and€forty€foot€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwide.Ìà ? à'I€wonder€where€we€are?'Ìà ? àThe€voice€of€the€purple€Queen€suddenly€sounding€in€his€head€Ìgave€the€human€a€terrific€shock.€€It€had€seemed€so€long€since€he€had€Ìlast€heard€from€the€graven€image,€or€thought€about€the€Queen's€Ì"gifts".Ìà ? à"You€are€on€a€vessel€that€I€have€provided€for€your€entry€into€ÌSpoggle."Ìà ? à"Where's€Spoggle?"Ìà ? à"You€mean€you€haven't€opened€the€curtains€yet?"Ìà ? àAs€if€gripped€by€a€pair€of€powerfully€impatient€hands,€the€tweeÌhangings€were€thrust€aside€revealing€mullion€windows.€€Will€did€notÌknow€what€he€expected€but€he€had€looked€forward€to€land„masses,€toÌstars€and€stunning€views.€€All€that€he€could€see€was€greyness.Ìà ? à"Do€the€windows€need€cleaning?"Ìà ? à"Why?"€the€sword€sounded€peevish.Ìà ? à"Where's€Spoggle?"Ìà ? à"In€front€of€you."Ìà ? à"What!€€That€grey€stuff?"Ìà ? à"Yes."Ìà ? à"I€hope€you're€providing€a€map."Ìà ? à"No€map€exists."Ìà ? à"What€are€we€supposed€to€do?€€Ask€for€directions?€€Excuse€me,€Ìwe've€come€to€steal€the€MADID.€€I€hear€it's€really€valuable.€€Can€you€Ìdirect€our€spaceship€please?"Ìà ? à"You€may€not€be€able€to€use€the€spacecraft€on€the€surface.€ÌThere€may€not€even€be€one."Ìà ? à"Well.€I'm€not€walking.€My€contract€said€nothing€about€a€Ìfootwear€allowance."Ìà ? àThe€Queen€ignored€Will's€statement.€€He€was€now€an€official€Ìhero.€€He€would€do€whatever€needed€to€be€done.€€In€a€few€brief€words,€ÌSharon's€image€detailed€what€was€to€come€next.€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWhile€this€was€going€on,€the€others€waited€patiently€for€Will€Ìto€speak.€No€one€interrupted€as€his€face€tripped€lightly€through€its€Ìtelepathic€tango.€€Even€Sir€Bastable€was€mute,€sensing,€inexplicably,€Ìthat€something€was€going€on.€€At€last,€Will€pointed€at€the€screen.Ìà ? à'That's€Spoggle.'Ìà ? à'What€is?'€Surd€asked.Ìà ? à'The€grey€stuff.'Ìà ? àGrendella€was€unimpressed.€€'It€looks€a€bit€drab.'Ìà ? à'It€doesn't€look€like€a€planet€to€me,'€commented€Abel.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Its€a€very€big€planet.'€Sulphur€hoped€that€he€would€not€have€Ìto€explain€everything€in€life€to€the€father,€as€he€had€to€the€son.Ìà ? à'It€makes€Neptune€look€like€a€pebble,'€Balidare€shook€his€head.Ìà ? à'I€can't€say€that€it's€a€nice€view.€€What€happens€next?'€asked€ÌMagda.Ìà ? à'We€sit€down.€€The€ship€moves.€€We€get€there,'€Will€summed€up€Ìwhat€Sharon€had€told€him.Ìà ? à'Well',€Sulphur€wagged€a€talon€in€warning,€'I€just€hope€that€Ìit's€that€simple.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Purple€and€Orange€Thingys€ware€solemnly€silent€as€they€Ìwatched€the€ship€start€on€its€journey.€€Within€a€minute€it€had€Ìdisappeared,€totally€enveloped€by€the€greyness.€€Ìà ? à"What€do€we€do€now?"€stenched€Orange.Ìà ? à"There's€nothing€we€can€do€now.€€We've€got€them€here.€€They€do€Ìthe€rest."€Farted€purple.Ìà ? à"So€we€just€stay€here.€Wait€for€the€outcome."€Ìà ? à"We€watch€and€we€wait.€€Yes."Ìà ? àThere€was€silence€for€a€very€long€time.Ìà ? à"I'm€bored,"€slimed€Orange.Ìà ? à"So€am€I,"€admitted€Purple.Ìà ? à"Let's€go€have€some€fun.€Come€back€later."Ìà ? à"Okay,"€agreed€Purple,€"but€remember,€this€time€it's€for€the€Ìfuture€of€the€universe,€so€no€cheating."Ìà ? à"Would€I€cheat?"€came€the€scandalised€reply.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThings€had€seemed€to€be€going€well€for€the€heroes.€€The€vessel€Ìeffortlessly€breached€the€dull€atmosphere€and€morale€was€on€an€Ìupturn.€€Then€a€powerful€voice€spoke,€echoing€out€of€the€mist:€Ì"Conditions€compromised",€and€suddenly,€the€ship€faded€into€nothing.€€ÌNone€of€them€even€got€a€chance€to€scream€as€they€fell,€still€seated€Ìin€their€comfy€chairs.€€The€grey€fog€slivered€eagerly€into€their€open€Ìmouths,€probing€their€insides€and€choking€out€their€life.Ìà ? àFor€a€moment€Will€blacked€out.€€Then,€as€if€from€somewhere€deep€Ìinside,€he€heard€the€voice€speak€again,€"Parasitic€organisms€Ìisolated."Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àInstantly,€Will€stopped€floating.€€All€around€him€were€thick€Ìtransparent€walls.€€Nearby,€dimly€through€the€haze,€he€could€see€ÌSulphur,€also€suspended€in€some€sort€of€long€clear€tube.€He€could€not€Ìsee€the€others€but€somehow€knew€that€they€were€out€there,€also€held€Ìcaptive,€probably€cursing€his€name.€€Then€the€voice€spoke€again.Ìà ? à"Stage€one€initiated."Ìà ? àIt€was€the€last€thing€he€remembered.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€was€lying€in€bed€at€home.€A€new€law€had€been€passed:€"THE€ÌWILL€BILL",€decreeing€that€a€human€being€could€stay€in€bed€as€long€as€Ìthey€liked,€could€eat€whatever€they€liked€from€the€GRUB€machines,€Ìhowever€unhealthy.€€Could€shower€for€hours€without€worrying€about€Ìrainfall€statistics.€€A€human€could€even€take€a€lift€just€for€one€Ìfloor.€It€was€a€lovely€dream.€€Then€he€woke€up.ÌÌà ? àÌÌÌà ? àThe€first€thing€that€Will€noticed€was€the€smell.€€It€seemed€to€Ìstride€over€in€heavy€boots€and€say€"What€are€you€sniffing€at€pal?"€Ìbefore€head„butting€him€between€the€eyes.€€The€stench€was€terrific,€Ìmore€noxious€than€a€pair€of€Thingys'€used€Y„fronts.€€It€took€a€while€Ìfor€Will€to€collect€his€senses;€he€was€too€busy€trying€to€breath.€As€Ìtime€passed,€he€slowly€got€used€to€it.€€His€eyes€still€ran€in€torrents,€Ìhis€insides€still€slipped€about€like€a€skate„boarder€on€butter€and€his€Ìchest€still€flapped€about€like€a€sail€in€a€cyclone€but€at€least€he€Ìhad€stopped€vomiting.€€Then€he€did€something€really€brave,€he€stood€up€Ìand€opened€his€eyes.€€It€was€not€a€pretty€view.Ìà ? àHe€was€lying€on€a€mountain€of€refuse,€stacked€up€to€a€Ìstaggering€and€unlikely€height.€€All€around€him,€for€as€far€as€his€Ìwatering€eyes€could€see,€similar€piles€of€garbage€thrust€their€way€Ìinto€the€grey€air.€This€was€no€haphazard€collection€of€junk.€€That€Ìwas€obvious€from€the€careful€layout€and€arrangement€of€the€mouldering€Ìmountains,€as€well€as€from€their€content.€€Each€pile€seemed€to€Ìcontain€a€planned€assembly€of€discarded€items.€Will€momentarily€Ìthanked€a€merciful€fate€for€not€depositing€him€on€the€decaying€mound€Ìof€soiled€nappies€that€formed€his€nearest€neighbour.€€Finally,€he€Ìmanaged€to€climb€to€his€feet,€slipping€and€sliding€on€a€surface€made€Ìup€of€neglected€plastics.€€He€opened€his€mouth,€suffering€a€full€Ìinfusion€of€the€richly€fetid€air€as€he€called€his€comrades,€but€after€Ìa€while,€Will€gave€up.€€There€was€no€response.€€He€was€alone.Ìà ? àWherever€the€glass€tubes€had€deposited€the€others,€it€did€not€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðseem€to€have€been€in€the€vicinity.€€This€then€was€to€be€the€first€Ìtest€of€his€leadership,€finding€someone€to€lead.€€Being€Chairman€of€ÌHeroics€INC.€was€not€going€to€be€easy.€He€realised€that€he€had€never€Ìbeen€truly€on€his€own€before,€and€shook€slightly€with€fear€of€the€Ìunknown.€€Then€he€decided€to€try€and€contact€Queen€Sharon,€reasoning€Ìthat,€if€in€doubt€„€scream€help,€seemed€like€a€reasonable€policy,€and€Ìwith€this€in€mind€he€reached€down€for€his€sword.Ìà ? àUp€to€this€point,€things€had€just€been€bad,€but€now€they€got€Ìmuch€worse.€€The€sword€and€Band€of€Intangibility€were€gone.€€For€a€Ìwhile€he€searched€with€eager€panic,€but€they€had€vanished.€€In€their€Ìplace€was€a€leaflet,€stuck€in€the€belt€of€the€overalls€that€Surd€had€Ìgiven€him,€it€read:€"THESE€ITEMS€HAVE€BEEN€CONFISCATED€BY€OURÏCUSTOMS€ÌDEPT.€€WE€DO€HOPE€THAT€THIS€DOES€NOT€CAUSE€ANYÏINCONVENIENCE,€AND€ÌTHAT€YOU€ENJOY€YOUR€STAY€ON€SPOGGLE."€Will€stood€glumly,€sloshed€in€Ìthe€face€by€a€cool€bucket€of€despair.€€He€hated€being€a€hero€already.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌOn€the€Road€,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌThe€van€had€once€been€painted€in€outrageous€primary€colours.€€ÌThe€blazing€orange€stars,€green€unicorns,€bright€pink€flowers€and€Ìindigo€peace€signs€had€been€shiny€new,€but€now,€like€their€owners€Ìthey€were€faded€and€out€of€date.€€It€was€surprising,€if€not€amazing,€Ìthat€they€were€still€around€at€all.Ìà ? àThe€band€were€called:€"The€Misbegotten€Sons€of€Hades".€€To€have€Ìcalled€them€The€Misbegotten€Pensioners€of€Hades€would,€perhaps,€have€Ìbeen€more€appropriate.€€Like€the€crumbling€van€they€were€relics€of€Ìthe€Sixties,€of€a€time€when€people€had€talked€of€free€love,€of€free€Ìeverything,€in€the€long€ago€days€before€the€flower€children€grew€up,€Ìbecame€lawyers€or€accountants€and€started€charging€with€a€vengeance.€€ÌNow€the€only€thing€that€seemed€truly€free€was€the€band's€spirit.€€ÌToo€arthritic€to€trash€even€the€most€inoffensive€motel€room,€they€Ìcontented€themselves€with€anarchic€memories€of€the€past.Ìà ? àThe€lead€singer's€name€was€"Starchild"€Perkins.€€It€had€once€Ìbeen€Nigel€but€he€had€changed€it€to€make€a€statement€about€his€Ìoneness€with€the€cosmos.€A€oneness€brought€about€by€rather€large€Ìamounts€of€hallucinogenic€drugs.€€He€was€sixty„three.€€The€last€time€Ìhe€had€tried€to€smash€his€guitar,€he€had€put€his€back€out.€€That€was€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsome€time€ago,€when€Clinton€had€been€president.Ìà ? àOnce,€Starchild€and€the€others,€consumed€by€lysergic€acid€and€a€Ìdesire€to€preach€a€musical€gospel€along€the€lines€of,€"Let's€be€nice€Ìto€each€other"€and€"Don't€be€heavy",€had€almost€been€famous.€€They€Ìhad€even€managed€to€have€a€hit€record€in€1969€„€"The€Breakdown€Ìapproaching€the€Station",€but€although€their€finest€hour€did€Ìoccasionally€stray€on€to€the€oldie€stations,€it€had€somehow€escaped€Ìthe€transition€to€classic€status.€€No€one€seemed€to€get€misty„eyed€Ìand€tearful€as€they€listened€to€Perkin's€sandpaper€voice€sing:€"It's€Ìemotional€derailment,€points€failure€of€the€heart."€The€group's€lack€Ìof€musical€immortality€probably€had€something€to€do€with€the€fact€Ìthat€their€music€and€lyrics€were€awful.€But€a€want€of€talent€had€not€€Ìstopped€other€groups€getting€on€and€Starchild€felt€that€it€was€more€a€Ìlack€of€luck,€rather€than€lack€of€skill,€that€had€impeded€their€Ìprogress.Ìà ? àHe€took€his€eyes€off€the€road€momentarily,€glancing€in€the€rear„€Ìview€mirror€at€the€other€band€members.€€They€had€met€in€high€school,€Ìand€had€first€played€together€in€1962.€€Things€had€seemed€simpler€Ìthen;€it€was€possible€to€move€without€aches€and€pains€for€one€thing.€€ÌThey€had€been€together€for€longer€than€most€marriages,€longer€than€Ìsome€lifetimes.€€He€had€watched€their€long€hair€turn€grey€or€fall€Ìout,€and€their€fingers€become€gnarled€around€the€strings€of€their€Ìguitars.€€Like€old€marrieds,€they€had€become€close€to€each€other.€ÌWives€came€and€went,€but€there€always€another€tour€in€the€clapped€out€Ì"Cosmic€Van",€another€chance€to€sing€"The€Breakdown"€in€some€rundown€Ìbar.€€Ìà ? àOnce€enthusiasm€had€motivated€them,€recently€it€was€the€need€to€Ìpay€the€bills€and€the€alimony€that€kept€the€boredom€at€bay.€€As€they€Ìsang€the€same€songs,€again€and€again€and€again,€to€kids€that€did€not€Ìcare,€so€young€that€they€thought€"a€Vietnam€conflict"€was€number€32Ìat€the€local€Oriental€takeaway.€Of€course,€there€were€moments€Ìthat€made€it€all€worthwhile.€€Some€well„preserved€matron€would€Ìapproach€them€with€shining€eyes€and€fond€memories€of€the€desires€of€Ìher€youth,€of€the€time€when€she€had€dreamt€of€Starchild's€company€for€Ìa€few€brief€minutes;€of€a€time€when€his€body,€had€been€lean€and€Ìstringy,€filling€his€hip„hugging€loons€in€a€way€that€had€moved€young€Ìgirls€to€an€almost€religious€frenzy€of€devotion;€an€all€too€brief€Ìmoment€of€deification,€before€the€Osmonds€came€along.€Starchild€had€Ìbeen€'The€Quiet€One"€the€one€with€the€smouldering€looks.€€Now,€that€Ìwiry€body€had€turned€to€fat€and€the€eyesight€dimmed,€needing€the€help€Ìof€heavy„duty€spectacles€offstage.Ìà ? àThe€band€were€out€of€steam,€out€of€time,€out€of€era.€€Something€Ìwould€have€to€be€done.€€Maybe€it€was€time€to€give€up,€to€call€it€a€Ìday,€to€cut€their€thinning€hair€and€finally€sell€out,€settle€down.€€ÌNot€for€the€first€time,€nor€for€the€twenty€thousandth€and€first,€ÌStarchild€found€himself€searching€the€road€ahead,€looking€for€a€sign.€ÌThere€was€a€woman€walking€by€the€roadside;€a€large€woman€in€a€floral„Ìprint€dress,€not€your€average€hitch„hiker.€€He€looked€closer,€finding€Ìsomething€strangely€familiar€about€the€way€she€moved,€about€the€look€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðin€her€electric€eyes.€€Then,€he€felt€the€thrill€of€recognition€shoot€Ìthrough€his€body,€galvanising€his€foot€on€the€brake€and€prompting€an€Ìexplosion€of€protest€from€the€back€of€the€van.Ìà ? àStarchild€did€not€listen,€he€did€not€care.€His€attention€was€Ìtaken€by€memories€of€a€face€that€had€become€heavier,€more€rounded€and€Ìlined,€as€had€his.€€He€had€not€seen€her€for€almost€four€decades,€but€Ìhe€knew€who€she€was:€Blossom€Pimpleknocker,€his€old€high„school€Ìsweetheart.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€was€making€good€progress.€Another€few€days€and€he€might€€Ìmake€it€to€ground€level€without€breaking€his€neck.€€There€was€an€€Ìart€in€moving€over€the€slippery€slimy€surface€without€tumbling€€Ìinto€a€tremendous€prat„fall€and€landing€on€a€selection€of€€Ìhard„edged€plastic€implements.€€It€was€a€skill€that€Will€had€€Ìtaken€quite€a€while,€and€several€knocks,€to€master.€€The€key€Ìto€survival€was€concentration;€it€was€because€his€mind€was€€Ìabsorbed€on€the€way€ahead€that€he€did€not€see€the€eyes€or€€Ìget€a€warning.€Ìà ? àThe€eyes€would€have€been€difficult€to€see€even€if€he€had€been€€Ìlooking€for€them.€They€were€held€aloft€on€thin€stalks€just€above€the€€Ìplastic,€having€risen€from€under€the€surface€with€greased€silence€and€€Ìinstantly€adapted€themselves€to€their€surroundings.€They€looked€more€€Ìlike€weird€plants€with€two€large€attentive€berries€than€ocular€€Ìsensory€apparatus.€€But€they€were€eyes,€the€way€they€followed€the€€Ìhalting€human's€every€move€revealed€that.€For€a€brief€moment,€Will€€Ìwas€surrounded€by€an€eager€captive€audience,€then,€like€so€many€shark€€Ìfins,€they€vanished€for€the€attack.€Ìà ? àWill€did€not€bother€to€glance€down€when€something€brushed€his€€Ìleg;€he€put€the€contact€down€to€a€piece€of€plastic€blown€by€the€non„€Ìexistent€wind.€A€split€second€later,€there€was€another€contact;€then€€Ìanother,€then€another€and€by€the€time€he€did€look€down,€it€was€too€€Ìlate.€€He€hardly€got€a€split€second€to€register€the€rainbow„hued€€Ìstalks€that€held€him€captive,€as€they€grew€and€multiplied,€casting€€Ìthrough€the€air€with€whiplash€swiftness,€circling€his€arms,€his€€Ìchest,€with€a€touch€almost€sensual€in€softness,€yet€vice„like€in€its€€Ìgrasp.€€In€the€instant€that€it€took€to€restrain€him,€Will€barely€had€€Ìtime€to€command€his€muscles€to€resist.€€He€felt€the€blind€panic€€Ìrising,€and€opened€his€mouth€to€scream.€€Then€the€stalks€pulled€with€€Ìshocking€abruptness€and€Will€vanished€below€the€plastic€surface.€€ÌOblivious€to€their€visitor's€plight,€the€garbage€mountains€went€about€€Ìthe€long€business€of€decomposing€as€they€always€did,€with€stately€€Ìpatient€indifference.€Ì€Ì€Ð Ð/ +0 Ѐ̀̀̀ÌIt€was€incredibly€soothing,€the€gentle€rocking€motion,€like€€Ìbeing€held€or€cradled€in€someone's€arms,€a€lover's€or€close€friends€€Ìperhaps.€€For€a€moment,€Will€almost€forgot€his€feelings€of€panic€and€€Ìterror,€as€he€was€dragged€into€the€bowels€of€the€plastic€mound.€€Not€€Ìfor€the€first€time€recently,€he€regretted€opening€his€eyes.€Ìà ? àHe€was€in€a€huge€tunnel,€hollowed€out€of€a€rubbish€mound.€€€ÌThere€was€plenty€of€light,€thanks€to€torches€that€struggled€valiantly€€Ìin€the€reeking€air€and€the€scene€that€they€illuminated€was€like€€Ìsomething€out€of€a€Hieronymus€Bosch€nightmare.€On€the€left€side€of€€Ìthe€tunnel,€as€far€as€the€eye€could€see,€a€column€of€curious€€Ìcreatures€were€moving€slowly,€as€if€queuing€with€infinite€patience€€Ìfor€some€major€event.€€Like€supplicants,€each€of€the€odd€lifeforms€€Ìheld€a€little€offering,€some€item€shaped€in€plastic,€metal,€or€€Ìfibres.€€To€the€right€of€the€tunnel,€a€steady€parade€of€the€creatures€€Ìbounced€rapidly€past,€empty€"handed",€going€in€the€other€direction.€€€ÌThe€strangest,€almost€scary,€thing€about€the€whole€inexplicable€€Ìperformance€was€its€silence.€€The€only€sound€that€could€be€heard€was€€Ìthe€smoky€spluttering€of€the€torches€and€the€soft€rubbing€sound€of€€Ìthe€colourful€alien€bodies.€Ìà ? àWill€mentally€corrected€himself;€he€was€the€alien,€they€were€€Ìthe€locals.€€He€decided€to€study€them€in€detail,€partly€because€he€€Ìhad€nothing€better€to€do€and€partly€because€he€felt€that€it€was€€Ìimportant€to€get€to€know€his€hosts.€It€was€easy€to€get€a€close„up€€Ìlook.€€There€were€four€of€them€carrying€his€tightly€bound€body.€€He€€Ìcould€not€escape€feeling€like€an€over„wrapped€birthday€present.€They€€Ìmost€closely€resembled€some€sort€of€earth€insect.€€Large€pod„like€€Ìbodies€supported€by€rows€of€spindly€appendages,€some€of€which€held€€Ìthe€human€effortlessly€aloft.€€At€the€rear€of€the€bodies,€two€huge€€Ìgreat€legs,€useful€possibly€for€bounding€over€the€rubbish€mounds€and€€Ìalso€for€pushing€a€path€through€the€debris.€€This€impression€of€their€€Ìadaptation€for€burrowing€was€borne€out€by€a€pair€of€well€developed,€€Ìscoop„like€claws€on€the€front€of€the€body.€The€head,€or€at€least,€the€€Ìsmooth€round€lump€at€the€top€of€the€body€was€almost€featureless.€Will€€Ìfelt€that€the€lack€of€a€nose€was€a€sensible€evolutionary€design€€Ìchoice,€and€at€the€very€top,€long€prehensile€eyeball€stalks€sprouted€€Ìwith€orbs€that€were€large€and€rounded€like€crystal€balls.€€Inside€€Ìthese€eyes,€colours€shimmered€and€shifted€in€a€way€that€recalled€€Ìmemories€of€a€childhood€kaleidoscope.€Their€bodies,€too,€were€ever„€Ìchanging€in€colour,€moving€and€flowing€with€flashes€of€tint,€and€as€€Ìthey€passed€along€the€tunnel,€sometimes€the€bodies€would€copy€to€€Ìperfection€the€pigmentation€of€some€decaying€object€set€in€the€wall,€€€Ìthe€excellence€of€this€blending€process€seeming€to€render€the€€Ìcreature€bodies€momentarily€invisible.€Ìà ? àThe€queuing€seemed€to€be€endless€and€after€a€while,€he€became€€Ìmore€used€to€his€captors,€noting€that€there€seemed€to€be€two€tiny€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðrectangles€on€each€shoulder€that€did€not€change€hue,€but€that€varied€€Ìin€colour€from€creature€to€creature.€€He€was€puzzled€by€their€€Ìfunction€for€a€while,€until€he€thought€of€old€uniforms€and€of€€Ìepaulettes.€€Whatever€else€these€"palettes'",€as€he€christened€them,€€Ìbecause€of€their€ability€to€mix€colours,€were,€they€were€obviously€€Ìhighly€organised.€€This€organisation€was€not€just€restricted€to€what€€ÌWill€presumed€were€their€outfits.€€There€were€direction€signs€€Ìeverywhere,€on€the€walls€on€the€ceiling€on€the€floors.€It€took€a€€Ìwhile€to€sink€in€that€he€could€actually€read€them.€€Unaware€of€€ÌMerlyn's€linguistic€spell,€Will€egotistically€put€this€down€to€some€€Ìform€of€rapid€and€highly„developed€customising€of€the€environment€for€Ìhis€benefit.€€Although€the€signs€and€directional€arrows€did€not€seem€€Ìto€make€much€sense,€they€all€seemed€to€do€with€time,€varying€wildly€€Ìin€duration,€from€three€hours,€to€three€months€to€three€hundred€€Ìyears,€etc.€Ìà ? àThis€obsession€with€time€was€appropriate,€as€it€did€seem€it€€Ìmight€take€three€hundred€years€for€the€line€to€move.€€Will€found€€Ìhimself€wishing€that€his€spell€of€unconsciousness€had€lasted€longer.€€€ÌAt€least€then€he€would€not€have€to€deal€with€the€tedium.€His€initial€€Ìpanic€had€subsided,€at€least€he€decided,€they€were€not€going€to€eat€€Ìhim.€€They€did€not€seem€to€have€mouths.€No€mouths€might€mean€no€€Ìmunching€of€his€choicer€extremities€but€it€also€seemed€to€mean€no€€Ìspeech.€€Will€was€unused€to€quiet,€his€culture€had€resonated€to€the€€Ìceaseless€hummings€and€scoldings€of€advanced€machinery.€€His€few€€Ìattempts€at€conversation€had€got€him€nowhere.€€The€only€response€to€€Ìhis€many€variations€on€a€theme€of:€"Where€are€we?",€"Who€are€you?"€€Ìand€"Where€are€you€taking€me?"€had€earned€him€nothing€more€rewarding€€Ìthen€a€curt€tap€from€a€spindly€insect„like€stalk€and€a€possible€€Ìwarning€glance€of€technicolor€brilliance€from€the€rainbow€centred€€Ìeyes.€After€a€while,€Will€even€gave€up€asking€about€the€fate€of€his€€Ìcolleagues.€€He€started€to€talk,€or€rather€recite,€to€disseminate€€Ìsome€of€his€culture€to€his€hosts,€trusting€that€they€possessed€some€€Ìsort€of€hearing€apparatus€about€their€bodies,€as€he€assumed€an€€Ìaffected€hammy€accent.€Ìà ? à'My€lords,€ladies€and€gentlemen€„€I€presume€that€you€have€€Ìdifferent€genders.€As€a€small€thank€you€for€your€charming€€Ìhospitality€I€would€like€to€present€some€items€from€my€own€culture€€Ìfor€the€education€and€entertainment€of€this€distinguished€company.€€€ÌI€will€now€relate,€from€memory,€the€complete€works€of€the€noted€Earth€€Ìdramatist€and€all€round€literary€icon,€Mister€Entertainment€himself,€€Ìthe€bard€of€Avon;€William€Shakespeare.€€I€must€admit€that€I've€heard€€Ìof€a€captive€audience,€but€never€a€captive€actor.€€Be€that€as€it€may,€€Ìplease€rub€your€stalks€together€for€my€first€piece,€a€delightful€€Ìlight„hearted€little€work€entitled€"Macbeth"€or€"Don't€buy€any€long„€Ìplaying€records€if€you're€king.'€Ìà ? àLike€a€COMS€generator,€once€started€Will€was€hard€to€stop.€He€€Ìwent€on€and€on€and€on.€€By€the€time€he€had€finished€Macbeth,€Hamlet€€Ìand€A€Midsummer€Night's€Dream,€complete€with€whatever€lame„brained€€Ìextra€material€or€observations€that€he€had€deemed€appropriate,€his€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðvoice€had€hushed€into€a€croak.€€This€did€not€matter€as€none€of€the€€Ì"palettes"€seemed€to€have€paid€the€slightest€attention€to€a€word€he€€Ìhad€said,€however€stylised.€€Will€yearned€to€hear€a€sound,€a€voice,€€Ìeven€Sulphur€at€his€most€caustic€would€have€been€welcome.€Ìà ? àWhen€he€did€hear€a€someone€or€something€speaking€distantly,€his€€ÌBard„dulled€brain€at€first€rejected€the€voice€as€wish„fulfilment,€but€€Ìas€they€moved€nearer€to€wherever€they€were€going,€the€voice,€or€€Ìvoices,€as€Will€realised€them€to€be,€got€louder.€€Somebody€seemed€to€€Ìbe€taking€inventory,€asking€curt€questions€in€a€sharp€monotone.€€The€€Ìsame€questions€again€and€again,€and€receiving€replies€that€were€both€€Ìhumble€and€to€the€point.€After€finishing€its€interrogation€it€would€€Ìissue€an€instruction.€€Then€shortly€after,€another€empty€handed€€Ì"palette"€would€appear€to€be€running€away,€perhaps€on€some€vital€€Ìerrand.€€Strapped€and€trapped€as€he€was,€Will€could€do€nothing€but€€Ìwait€as€the€voice€drew€nearer,€trying€to€ignore€his€clamouring€€Ìcuriosity,€curiosity€that€had€acquired€a€loud„hailer€by€the€time€he€€Ìsaw€the€arch€of€a€doorway€up€ahead,€and€that€was€screaming€itself€€Ìhoarse€with€expectation€as€he€was€lifted€across€the€threshold.€€Will€€Ìhad€prepared€himself€for€something€strange€but€whatever€wild€vision€€Ìhe€had€expected,€it€had€not€been€this.€Ìà ? àIt€was€as€if€someone€had€decided€to€build€the€Coliseum€€Ìunderground,€with€all€manner€of€slowly€rotting€debris€as€the€building€€Ìmaterial€of€choice.€€The€circular€cavern€was€huge,€on€all€sides€were€€Ìdoors,€and€stretching€through€each€doorway€was€a€line€of€the€€Ìcreatures,€each€carrying€a€burden,€each€patiently€waiting€their€turn.€€€ÌAll€over€the€walls€were€small€hatches,€each€labelled€with€a€printed€€Ìfigure€denoting€a€period€of€months,€years€or€decades.€€In€strict€€Ìrotation,€a€palette€would€step€forward€from€one€converging€line€at€a€€Ìtime,€one€after€the€other€they€would€complete€their€business€and€then€€Ìleave€empty„clawed€and€what€a€curious€business€it€was.€€In€the€centre€€Ìof€the€converging€lines€was€a€much€battered,€huge€old€lectern,€next€€Ìto€the€lectern,€a€high€stool,€on€which€was€balanced€one€of€the€€Ìcreatures;€a€creature€with€enough€individual€features€to€separate€it€€Ìfrom€its€fellows.€.€Ìà ? àThis€"palette"€was€twice€as€large€as€any€other€Will€had€seen,€€ÌThe€rounded€"head"€was€not€smooth€but€covered€in€a€tangled€mass€of€€Ìerect€wispy€white€tendrils.€€The€epaulettes€on€the€shoulder€were€€Ìconnected€to€some€long€flowing€black€fabric€which€gave€the€creature€€Ìthe€slight€appearance€of€a€Victorian€undertaker.€€This€connection€€Ìwith€the€distance€past€of€Earth€was€enhanced€by€the€vastness€of€the€€Ìledger€which€lay€open€on€the€lectern,€the€super„sized€pot€of€what€€Ìappeared€to€be€ink€by€his€side,€and€the€number€of€unwieldy„looking€€Ìquill€pens€which€it€held€adroitly€in€its€spindly€stalks,€writing€€Ìfuriously,€pausing€only€to€dip€one€of€at€least€half„a„dozen€€Ìhardworking€nibs€into€the€ink€bottle€with€a€balletic€flowing€€Ìmovement.€Ìà ? àThe€whole€cavern€seemed€to€mirror€this€ceaseless€activity.€€All€€Ìaround€the€dome€above€them,€"palettes"€laboured,€perched€precariously€€Ìon€ladders,€constantly€changing€the€ingredients€that€made€up€the€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðceiling€far€above.€€Removing€items€of€rubbish,€replacing€them€or€€Ìadding€new€pieces.€Occasionally€some€scrap€of€debris€would€float€or€€Ìplummet€from€the€ceiling€to€the€floor€and€be€swiftly€rescued€by€one€€Ìof€the€many€creatures€not€in€line,€that€seemed€to€be€scuttling€about€€Ìon€other€errands,€and€immediately€returned€to€the€ceiling.€Ìà ? àAll€was€done€at€great€speed.€€A€creature€in€one€of€the€queues€€Ìwould€move€forward€to€the€lectern,€holding€up€the€object€that€was€€Ìbeing€carried.€€The€"palette"€at€the€lectern€asked€quick,€no€nonsense€€Ìquestions:€"Object?€€Age?€€Etc."€Its€voice€amplified€resoundingly€by€€Ìthe€acoustics€of€the€hall,€whilst,€all€the€time€writing€furiously€in€€Ìthe€ledger.€€When€this€transaction€was€over,€this€head€"palette"€€Ìwould€signal,€waving€a€quill€and€one€of€the€many€creatures€rushing€€Ìabout€the€hall€would€take€charge€of€the€burden,€disposing€of€it€by€€Ìplacing€it€in€one€of€many€labelled€hatchways.€Ìà ? àWill€realised€that€perhaps€he€was€destined€for€a€place€in€one€€Ìof€these€hatches;€it€was€dispiriting,€and€somewhat€insulting,€to€face€€Ìthe€fact€that€these€creatures€considered€him€to€be€no€more€than€an€€Ìitem€of€junk.€€He€tried€not€to€think€about€it,€concentrating€on€what€€Ìhe€would€say€when€he€was€held€before€the€lectern€and€the€black„€Ìcloaked€creature.€€After€a€while€he€realised€with€vague€nausea,€just€€Ìwhere€the€creature's€voice€was€coming€from.€A€wide,€narrow€row€of€€Ìneedle€like€fangs€opened€and€closed€in€the€creature's€pod„shaped€€Ìbelly€and€sound€came€out.€€Will€finally€got€a€chance€to€observe€this€€Ìspiteful€mew€as€he€was€carried€to€the€lectern.€Ìà ? à'Object?'€Ìà ? àOne€of€Will's€captors€opened€its€stomach€to€reply.€€€Ìà ? à'Alien.'€Ìà ? à'A€being.€€Age?'€Ìà ? à'I'm€twenty„five,'€Will€offered€politely.€Ìà ? à'Impossible!€€Age€of€deterioration?'€Ìà ? à'I'm€not€as€far€gone€as€that.'€The€indignant€Will,€much€to€his€€Ìdisgust,€found€further€protests€impossible.€€One€of€the€creatures€€Ìplaced€a€leathery€stalk€in€his€mouth.€Ìà ? à'Age€of€deterioration?'€The€head€creature€repeated€with€what€€Ìsounded€like€anger€in€its€voice.€Ìà ? à'Depends€on€soil.€€No€more€than€twenty€years.'€Ìà ? à'Twenty€years.€€Next!'€Ìà ? àWill€knew€that€unless€he€wanted€to€find€out€what€was€on€the€other€Ìside€of€the€hatch€for€the€next€couple€of€decades,€he€had€to€do€€Ìsomething,€however€unpleasant.€€With€this€pressing€thought€in€mind,€€Ìhe€took€the€only€course€open€to€him.€€Turning€his€bound€body€with€as€€Ìwild€a€motion€as€he€could€manage,€Will€bit€down€hard€on€the€offending€€Ìstalk€in€his€gullet.€€He€felt€a€horror€that€exceeded€anything€he€had€€Ìexperienced,€as€the€stalk€broke€sending€a€choking€flood€of€cold€€Ìbitter€liquid€into€his€protesting€throat.€As€he€struggled€to€spit€out€€Ìthe€remains€of€the€"palette"€appendage,€to€overcome€the€retching€and€€Ìloathing€that€now€took€control€of€his€body,€the€maimed€creature€let€€Ìgo€of€him,€its€stomach€wide€now,€screaming€in€agony,€spraying€its€€Ìfellows€with€its€dark€yellow€blood.€€For€a€second,€all€discipline€in€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðthe€immediate€vicinity€evaporated.€€Will€was€dropped€to€the€floor€as,€€Ìwith€the€exception€of€the€"clerk"€behind€the€lectern,€all€the€€Ìcreatures€nearest€the€maimed€"palette"€fell€upon€their€wounded€€Ìcolleague,€their€stomach/mouths,€those€rows€of€terrifying€teeth,€€Ìfully€visible€now€as€they€sank€in€a€frenzy€into€the€flesh€of€the€€Ìinjured€one.€€In€a€moment,€nothing€was€left.€€Not€the€stalk€that€Will€€Ìhad€spat€out,€not€even€the€epaulettes.€Ìà ? à'I€suppose€it€saves€on€the€funeral€expenses.'€€Will€managed€to€€Ìcroak€with€a€glib€morbid€humour€that€he€did€not€feel.€€Inside,€he€€Ìfelt€desolation€and€horror.€€He€had€been€responsible€for€a€death.€ÌThe€creatures€resumed€their€places€in€an€orderly€fashion€as€if€€Ìnothing€had€happened.€€Will€could€hear€the€'clerk'€resume€its€€Ìquestions.€€Four€of€the€hatch€fillers€now€advanced€on€him.€Will€€Ìreacted€almost€without€thinking.€Ìà ? à'Sod€off,€Bug„brains!'€he€shouted€in€a€voice€charged€with€€Ìunaccustomed€anger€and€vigour.€Ìà ? àEchoes€bounded€around€the€cavern€dislodging€debris€all€over€the€€Ìplace.€€For€a€moment€it€was€snowing€paper€and€small€objects,€a€€Ìticker„tape€parade€in€the€underworld,€in€hell.€€Then€something€€Ìhappened€that€had€not€happened€in€the€history€of€the€"palettes".€€€ÌWith€its€tangled€head€vibrating€with€impatience,€the€'clerk'€laid€€Ìdown€its€quills€for€a€moment.€Ìà ? à'What€is€the€problem?'€Ìà ? à'The€alien€being.'€The€four€helpers€answered€in€unison.€Ìà ? à'Yes?'€Ìà ? à'It's€alive.'€Ìà ? à'ALIVE!'€The€"clerk"€boomed,€bringing€down€another€shower€of€€Ìlitter€upon€their€heads.€For€a€moment€there€was€an€uncomfortable€€Ìpause.€€Will€allowed€himself€a€split„second€of€hope.€€Then€the€€Ìcreature€spoke.€Ìà ? à'Well,€kill€it€then.'€Ìà ? àWill€thought€fast€as€the€four€approached.€€He€needed€to.€€This€€Ìtime€their€mouths€were€wide€open.€€Will€had€never€seen€a€stomach€with€€Ìa€tongue€before,€now€he€saw€four€up€close,€and€they€were€drooling.€€€ÌWith€almost€sobbing€gratitude,€he€felt€words€tumble€into€his€brain€€Ìand€his€mouth.€Ìà ? à'If€anyone€comes€near€me.€€I'll€bite€'em.'€Ìà ? àIt€seemed€to€have€the€desired€affect.€€Four€ravening€bellies€€Ìshut€tightly€with€a€snap.€Ìà ? àThis€was€going€to€go€down€as€a€momentous,€inconceivable€day€in€€Ìthe€history€of€this€culture.€€For€the€second€time,€the€clerk€stopped€€Ìits€listing.€Ìà ? à'What€now?'€Ìà ? à'I€demand€my€right€to€a€trial,€to€a€lawyer?'€Ìà ? à'What's€a€lawyer?'€Ìà ? à'I€demand€my€right€to€information€then.'€Ìà ? à'If€I€give€you€this€information,€will€you€stop€interrupting€€Ìthings€and€die€without€fuss?€€We€do€work€closely€to€a€schedule€you€€Ìknow.'€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Never€mind€your€bogging€schedule.€€Why€do€you€want€to€kill€€Ìme?'€Ìà ? àThe€creature€was€a€pragmatist.€€It€had€not€won€promotion€after€€Ìpromotion€in€its€long€and€illustrious€career,€without€learning€how€to€€Ìadapt.€In€the€interests€of€getting€this€troublesome€irritation€out€of€€Ìthe€way,€it€dropped€the€rasping€curt€quality€of€its€stomach's€vocal€€Ìtone€for€a€sound€that€was€almost€paternal,€Ìà ? à'Look€around€you.€€What€do€you€see?'€Ìà ? à'Garbage.'€Ìà ? àWe€are€the€Estapoppi.€€We€exist€to€study€the€deterioration€of€€Ìmatter.'€He€indicated€a€small€white€shape€in€a€nearby€creature's€€Ìstalks.€'That€soiled€disposable€nappy€for€instance.€€We€estimate€that€€Ìit€will€take€500€years€for€it€to€fully€biodegrade.€€We€think€it's€a€€Ìbeautiful€thing€to€watch€decay.€€We€will€study€this€nappy€closely,€€Ìobserve€it€and€its€contents€processes€of€disintegration,€make€notes,€€Ìdraw€up€our€findings€and€suggestions,€all€based€on€our€testing€€Ìprocedure.'€Ìà ? à'Why?'€Ìà ? à'Somebody€has€to.€€Long,€long€ago€we€were€without€purpose,€€Ìabsorbed€in€self„interest€and€war.€€It€was€decided€then€that€the€only€€Ìway€to€save€ourselves€was€to€create€a€reason€for€our€existence.'€Ìà ? à'So€watching€rubbish€rot€is€your€goal€in€life€is€it?'€Will€felt€€Ìtwice€as€incredulous€as€he€sarcastically€sounded.€Ìà ? à'Yes.€Call€it€idiosyncrasy,€or€perversion,€but€we€like€decaying€€Ìmatter.'€Ìà ? à'What€use€is€it?'€Ìà ? à'Use!€€It's€of€crucial€use.€€We€have€heard€from€beings€such€as€€Ìyourself€of€other€worlds€scattered€beyond€our€own€and€we€estimate€€Ìthat€there€are€only€a€finite€number€of€planets.€€However,€the€scope€€Ìfor€the€growth€of€population€is€infinite.€€Each€being€that€lives€€Ìleaves€waste€material,€material€that€becomes€harder€to€dispose€of€€Ìeach€year,€causing€increasing€damage€to€the€Universal€ecology.€€€ÌEventually,€cultures€will€have€to€work€more€and€more,€on€getting€rid€€Ìof€the€litter€left€by€their€ancestors.€€More€and€more€of€the€€Ìinterplanetary€economy€will€depend€on€efficient€waste€disposal.€€The€€Ìentire€Cosmos€will€be€in€danger€of€being€buried€by€waste.€€When€that€€Ìhappens,€we€will€offer€to€come€to€the€rescue.€€Based€on€millions€of€€Ìyears€of€study€and€research,€we€will€have€the€most€efficient€garbage€€Ìdisposal€system€in€creation.€€We€will,€for€a€reasonable€price,€offer€€Ìto€get€rid€of€the€waste€problem.'€Ìà ? à'What€price?'€Ìà ? à'We€are€a€highly€specialised€service.€€Complete€domination€of€€Ìthe€Universe€seems€reasonable.'€Ìà ? à'For€picking€up€litter!'€Ìà ? à'Think€of€the€research.€€Think€of€the€hours€we€have€spent€on€€Ìthis.€We€had€to€develop€a€machine€that€transports€items€of€interest€€Ìfrom€all€over€the€Galaxy.€€Everything€from€scrap„metal€to€socks€from€€Ìlaundry€baskets€come€here.€€It€was€a€colossal€engineering€feat.€€It€€Ìwas€also€very€expensive.€€We€need€some€form€of€payment€for€our€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðefforts.'€Ìà ? à'So€you€bring€rubbish€from€everywhere.€€You're€telling€me€that€€Ìafter€all€I've€been€through€to€get€here,€to€pursue€some€adventure€and€€Ìexcitement,€after€all€that's€happened,€I've€ended€up€in€the€universe's€€Ìmain€garbage€dump?'€Ìà ? à'Yes!'€ÌThere€was€only€one€word€to€sum€up€the€way€that€Will€felt€and€he€€Ìused€it€with€bitter€emphasis:€Ìà ? à'BUGGERATION!'€Ìà ? à'Are€you€upset?'€Ìà ? à'No,€of€course€not.€€Why€should€I€be€upset?€€EVERYONE'S€life€is€€Ìlike€this.'€Ìà ? à'We€could€kill€you€now€if€you're€depressed.€Ìà ? à'Depressed!€€I'm€suicid...'€Aware€of€an€untensioning€of€stomach€€Ìmuscles€around€him,€Will€just€managed€to€catch€himself€in€time.€Ìà ? à'Why€go€to€all€the€trouble?€€Why€not€just€build€ships€and€€Ìinvade€other€planets.'€Ìà ? à'We€don't€want€to€hurt€anybody.'€Ìà ? à'You€want€to€kill€me.'€Ìà ? à'That's€just€business.€€Surely€you€want€to€help€with€a€litter„€Ìfree€future€for€the€universe.'€Ìà ? à'Of€course€I€do.€€Let€me€live€and€I'll€promise€to€always€use€a€€Ìbottle€bank€in€future.€€Isn't€your€plan€for€domination€the€long€way€€Ìof€going€about€things?'€Ìà ? à'It's€good€for€a€culture€to€have€a€long„term€ambition.€€We€all€€Ìdo€our€jobs,€help€locate€research€material,€help€the€future€of€€Ìsociety.€€There€is€no€war,€no€crime,€we€are€all€fulfilled€and€happy.'€Ìà ? àWill€shook€his€head€in€disbelief.€€'I€can€see€it€now.€€Come€to€€ÌSpoggle,€land€of€the€laughing€litterbugs.'€Ìà ? à'We€are€only€a€small€part€of€"Spoggle"€as€you€call€it,€but€we€€Ìflatter€ourselves,€the€most€useful€part.€€Think€of€the€alternative,€€Ìwe€could€take€over€the€universe€your€way,€with€ships.€€Lots€of€us€€Ìwould€get€hurt€and€in€the€end€there€would€be€no€point.'€Ìà ? à'You'd€rule€the€universe.'€Ìà ? à'But€we€wouldn't€be€happy,€content.€The€universe's€waste€€Ìproblem€would€grow€and€grow€and€we€wouldn't€be€there€to€stop€it.€€€ÌEverybody€in€existence€would€die€just€because€we€concentrated€on€€Ìselfish€short„term€gains.'€Ìà ? à'It'll€take€forever.'€Ìà ? à'We€need€as€much€time€as€we€can€get.€The€decay€of€some€of€these€€Ìnew€plastics€takes€forever.€€Talking€of€time,€yours€is€up.€Take€him€€Ìaway.'€Ìà ? àWill€was€still€confused,€''Why€must€I€die?'€Ìà ? à'You€don't€think€you're€biodegradable€whilst€you're€alive,€do€€Ìyou?€€If€you're€going€to€decay€properly,€I'm€afraid€we€have€to€kill€€Ìyou.€€Why€else€do€you€think€the€transporter€brought€you€here?'€Ìà ? àInterview€session€over.€€The€"clerk"€picked€up€its€quills,€€Ìmotioning€to€the€Estapoppi€with€the€nappy€to€come€forward.€€There€was€€Ìnothing€Will€could€do.€€There€were€just€too€many€stalks€all€at€once,€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðnone€of€which€came€near€his€mouth.€€Whimpering€gently€to€himself,€he€€Ìwas€lifted€up.€€Nearby,€a€stomach€opened€widely,€expectantly.€So€€Ìafter€all,€this€was€going€to€be€the€end.€€Bit€off€in€his€prime.€€As€€Ìthey€moved€his€head€into€the€foully€gurgling€stomach,€toward€those€€Ìrows€of€expectant€razor„sharp€teeth,€Will€could€not€think€of€any€€Ìprofound€last€words.€€He€was€too€upset.€€He€was€inches€away€from€the€€ÌEstapoppi's€tongue€and€it€was€not€pleasant.€€In€the€split€second€as€the€€Ìcreature's€stomach€muscles€started€to€clench,€the€evil€mouth€to€€Ìclose,€he€found€himself€betting,€irrelevantly,€that€the€creatures€€Ìnever€flossed€their€gums,€or€were€they€intestines?€€Was€it€possible€€Ìto€floss€intestines?€Ìà ? à'He€talks€about€transporters.€I€don't€know€about€transporters.€€€ÌI€wish€I'd€never€heard€of€the€bloody€MADID.'€€Ìà ? à'STOP!!!'€The€"clerks"€voice€suddenly€screamed.€€Ìà ? àTwenty€thousand€Estapoppi€in€the€room€jumped€at€once.€€The€one€€Ìabout€to€eat€Will's€head,€snapped€its€jaws€shut€in€surprise.€€€ÌFortunately€for€the€human,€the€instinctive€reactions€of€his€carriers€€Ìwere€just€that€little€bit€faster.€€He€was€dazed€but€he€was€alive.€€€ÌSuddenly,€the€mood€of€the€room€had€changed.€€The€unthinkable€had€€Ìhappened.€€The€"clerk"€with€a€bounce€of€those€powerful€rear€legs,€had€€Ìoverleaped€the€lectern.€Ìà ? à'How€many€times,'€he€said,€in€a€voice€that€caused€several€€Ìladders€on€the€far€side€of€the€cavern€to€fall€over€and€at€least€one€€Ìof€the€far€doorways€to€collapse.€'How€many€times€must€I€tell€you?€€In€€Ìmemos,€in€person?€€It€is€the€most€important€thing€to€remember,€is€it€€Ìnot?€€Always€ask€a€new€arrival€before€you€process€them€„€WHAT?'€Ìà ? àYou€could€almost€see€the€twenty€thousand€Estapoppi€mentally€€Ìthink€WHOOPS!,€before€they€answered€in€a€deafening€chorus.€€€Ìà ? à'HAVE€THEY€HEARD€OF€THE€MADID?'€Ì€à ? àTwo€more€of€the€fragile€rubbish€doorways€collapsed.€Ð ¾ Ðà ? à'Because,€if€they€have€heard€of€the€MADID?€the€clerk€prompted.€Ìà ? à'WE€HAVE€TO€DIRECT€THEN€TO€THE€SIGNS€AND€LEAVE€THEMÏALONE.'€Ìà ? àBy€this€time,€even€the€creatures€struggling€to€repair€the€€Ìdamage€caused€by€the€noise€had€given€up€in€momentary€disgust,€those€€Ìthat€is,€who€had€survived€their€fall€from€the€ladders.€Ìà ? à'I'm€terrible€sorry€about€this.'€The€clerk€said€to€Will€in€a€€Ìsweetly€charming€voice.€€'You€can't€get€the€staff.'€The€tone€he€used€€Ìon€his€assistants€was€far€less€polite.€'RELEASE€HIM€AND€TAKE€HIM€WITH€€ÌALL€SPEED€TO€THE€SIGNS.'€Ìà ? àExtremely€bemused,€the€newly€unfettered€Will€was€€Ìcarried€away€at€a€breakneck€pace€toward€the€exit,€he€distantly€€€€€Ìheard€the€last€of€the€clerk's€fulsome€apologetic€farewell.€Ìà ? à'....€And,€it's€been€a€pleasure€to€meet€you.'€Ìà ? àStrangely,€Will€did€not€feel€able€to€reciprocate.€"CRETINS!"€€Ìwas€the€last€work€he€heard€as€the€"clerk"€turned€on€his€followers.€€€ÌWill€nodded.€€Now€that€was€an€opinion€that€he€could€agree€with.€€He€€Ìhad€heard€of€being€in€the€dumps,€but€this€was€ridiculous.€€Still€it€€Ìwas€comforting€to€note,€that€as€a€seeker€after€the€MADID,€he€was€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsomething€of€a€celebrity.€ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌOn€another€part€of€the€planet,€Balidare€was€also€getting€Ìused€to€celebrity€status.€€It€was€not€at€all€enjoyable.€€As€he€ran€Ìaway€from€a€growing€crowd€of€locals,€each€with€a€great€beaming€Ìsmile€on€their€face,€he€tried€to€understand€just€what€had€happened€Ìduring€the€past€day.Ìà ? àAwakening€on€a€gently€rolling€hillside,€he€had€quickly€taken€Ìin€his€surroundings€and€had€been€in€no€way€disturbed€by€them.€€It€did€Ìseem€a€little€odd,€at€first,€that€the€soft€sweet„smelling€grass€was€Ìtinted€a€rather€fetching€shade€of€blue,€and€that€the€sky€was€subtlety€Ìstreaked€with€green,€but€he€was€on€a€new€planet€and€soon€accepted€it.€ÌIt€had€been€very€nice€indeed€to€stroll€across€the€softly„sloping€blue€€€Ìdowns,€the€slight€breeze€blowing€air€that€was€intoxicatingÌin€its€freshness,€the€two€suns,€glowing€emeralds€brightly€Ìdistant€in€the€sky,€gently€warming€and€caressing€his€skin.€ÌHe€had€not€concerned€himself€with€the€absence€of€the€others,€Ìpreferring€to€just€enjoy€the€tranquil€solitude,€the€sensation€of€Ìbeing€in€some€alien€Elyisum€field.€Even€the€town€when€he€had€seen€it,€Ìnestling€comfortably€in€an€Arcadian€hillside,€had€looked€peaceful€and€Ìinviting.€€An€almost€fairy„tale€place.€€He€had€turned€his€feet€Ìtowards€it,€walking€not€with€impatience,€but€taking€his€time,€Ìstopping€to€brush€his€teeth€in€a€small€sweet„tasting,€green€stream,€Ìto€wash€his€hair,€and€change€his€clothing€from€the€carefully€chosen€Ìstock€in€the€metallic€case€that€he€had€managed€to€retain€halfway€Ìacross€the€universe.Ìà ? àHis€first€contact€with€a€rustically€dressed€local€had€gone€Ìwithout€incident.€The€fellow€could€be€described€as€a€native€pastoral€Ìideal.€€He€was€playing,€badly,€an€instrument€resembling€a€flute,€his€Ìthick€digits€struggling€with€the€fingering,€as€he€lay€tending€a€flock€Ìof€slowly€grazing€round€shaggy€creatures.€This€"shepherd"€was€vaguely€Ìhumanoid€in€shape,€resembling€Balidare€in€compact,€stout€build.€€His€Ìskin€was€roughly€bronzed€to€a€golden€texture,€he€had€large€glittering€Ìgreen€eyes,€a€great€flapping€droopy€nose€and€ears€that€splayed€out€Ìlike€an€elephant.€€But€by€far,€his€most€striking€characteristic€had€Ìbeen€his€huge,€ecstatic€smile.€€The€row€of€perfect€yellow€teeth€had€Ìbeen€almost€dazzling.€€Here€at€last,€Balidare€felt,€was€a€creature€Ìthat€had€all€he€needed€out€of€life.€€There€were€no€strong€jealousies,€Ìtroubles€or€emotions€to€cloud€that€brow.€€There€was€just€utter€Ìcontentment.€The€local€had€nodded€politely€as€Balidare€had€passed,€Ìobviously€unperturbed€by€the€arrival€of€a€stranger.€On€his€way€to€the€Ìtown€Balidare€repeated€this€experience€more€than€once,€meeting€Ìcreatures€dressed€as€merchants€or€shepherds,€males€and€females.€€All€Ìgave€him€the€same€beaming€grin,€the€same€happy€nod€of€welcome.€€There€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwas€another€curious€custom€of€greeting€that€the€Elfen€noticed€on€his€Ìway€to€the€town.€€Each€nod€of€welcome€was€accompanied€by€a€rap€on€a€Ìsmall€black€cube€that€everyone€wore€around€their€belt.Ìà ? àThe€town€from€the€inside€was€as€much€of€a€fairy€tale€chocolate€Ìbox€image€as€from€afar.€€He€had€had€no€trouble€walking€through€one€of€Ìthe€many€thick€stone€gateways€and€had€his€first€conversation€with€a€Ìlocal.€€The€man€had€described€his€people€as€the€"Boxemics",€tapping€Ìhis€cube€as€illustration,€as€he€spoke€in€perfect,€though€thickly€Ìaccented€Elfen.€Balidare€recognised€Merlyn's€handiwork€and€asked€Ìafter€his€old€friend€but€had€been€disappointed€to€find€that€he€was€Ìthe€only€stranger€to€arrive€in€living€memory.€€The€brightly€grinning€ÌBoxemic€had€been€thrilled€to€help€with€directions€towards€the€centre€Ìof€the€town.€Ìà ? àBalidare€had€found€himself€dawdling€on€the€way,€enjoying€the€Ìneat€cobbled€walkways,€the€brightly€painted€tyrolean„style€buildings,€Ìgrouped€together€with€medieval€closeness,€looking€like€they€should€be€Ìmade€out€of€gingerbread.€€The€frequent€cobbled€squares€with€well€Ìlaid„out€trees€providing€the€bluary,€with€children€happily€running€Ìabout€providing€the€noise,€and€usually€an€imposing,€heroic€statue€of€Ìsome€local€dignitary€called€"a€caretaker"€providing€the€civic€Ìgrandeur.€€Most€of€all,€Balidare€delighted€in€the€warmth€of€the€Ìsmiles€on€everyone's€face.€€After€millennia€of€dealing€with€Ìhumanity's€miserable,€self„pitying€visages,€the€feeling€of€universal€Ìcontentment€had€soothed€some€part€of€the€Elfen,€deep€inside.€€He€had€Ìfound€himself€marvelling€at€their€constant€ecstasy,€wandering€if€they€Ìever€got€face„ache€from€all€that€grinning,€but€all€the€while,€he€Ìreturned€the€Boxemics€beaming€greetings€in€kind.€€To€his€great€Ìsurprise,€he€had€found€that€happiness€was€catching,€smiling€radiantly€Ìback€at€the€townsfolk,€forgetting,€for€a€while,€his€supposed€Ìugliness,€his€coarse€dwarfish€skin.€€He€felt€at€one€with€the€bustling€Ìjoyful€crowds€that€thronged€the€busy€streets,€at€one€with€their€sense€Ìof€pleasure.€€He€forgot€the€MADID,€forgot€his€dislike€of€Grendella,€Ìforgot€his€pain€at€not€going€home,€forgot€all€anger€and€bitterness.€€ÌThis€delightful€town€could€be€a€new€home.Ìà ? àIt€was€at€this€moment,€when€his€pleasure€was€most€intense,€that€Ìa€richly„clad€Boxemic€man€approached.€€The€man€had€been€following€him€Ìfor€quite€a€while,€and€he€wore€the€habitual€Boxemic€smile€with€just€Ìthe€slightest€hint€of€nervousness,€his€eyes€were€just€a€little€Ìanxious€and€his€skin€was€just€a€little€clammy.€€But,€for€Balidare,€Ìall€was€finally€right€with€a€world.€€The€Elfen€had€gone€beyond€such€Ìnegative€emotions€as€suspicion.€He€had€taken€the€"welcoming"€scroll€Ìthe€Boxemic€had€offered€without€a€thought,€not€registering€the€way€Ìthat€the€man€had€perked€up€as€the€scroll€entered€his€hands€or€the€Ìspeed€with€which€the€man€had€distanced€himself.Ìà ? àBalidare€had€even€opened€the€scroll,€had€absently€scanned€the€Ìilluminated€hand„written€script€with€shining€eyes,€lettering€that€Ìread:€Ìà ? àÌà ? àà — àà ï àCELEBRATE€YOUR€GOOD€FORTUNE€CITIZEN.Ð Ð/ +0 ЀÌà ? àYOU€HAVE€WON€THE€LOTTERY.€€AS€HOLDER€OF€THIS€SCROLL,ÏYOU€HAVE€Ìà ? àà — àà ï àBEEN€CHOSEN€AS€CARETAKER€DESIGNATE.€€ÌÌà ? àAFTER€TRAINING,€YOU€WILL€ASSUME€OUR€HIGHEST€POSITION€ANDÏWILL€Ìà ? àà — àBECOME€RESPONSIBLE€FOR€THE€CONTINUED€HAPPINESSÏOF€OUR€Ìà ? àà — àà ï àPEOPLE.€€A€MUCH€LOVED€AND€HONOURED€STATE.€ÌÌà ? àà — àà ï àà G àà Ÿ àà ÷ àSIGNED,€ÌÌà ? àà — àà ï àà G àTHE€MINISTER€OF€CONTINUOUS€RAPTURE,ÌÌà ? àÌÌà ? àBalidare€had€sensed€nothing€disturbing€about€the€scroll.€It€was€Ìonly€fitting€that€a€being€of€his€obvious€wisdom€and€experience€should€Ìbe€recognised€as€worthy€of€high€office,€and€there€seemed€no€trick€in€Ìkeeping€these€creatures€happy.€€The€hard€task€would€be€making€them€Ìmiserable.€He€had€placed€the€scroll€in€his€bag€and€turned€to€other€Ìmatters,€to€getting€a€wonderfully€neat€and€tasteful€room€in€a€Ìcharming€inn,€to€eating€the€most€sensational€meal,€cooked€perfectly€Ìto€his€torturous€instructions€and€to€drinking€rather€a€lot€of€the€Ìlocal€potion,€a€nectar€that€seemed€to€taste€of€fermented€delight.€All€Ìhad€been€lovely€beyond€belief.€€Balidare,€like€all€Elfen,€was€a€Ìhedonistic€creature€at€heart.€€He€had€been€scared€to€sleep,€to€let€go€Ìof€the€day,€but€sleep€had€come,€sleep€that€caressed€and€fed€his€Ìsenses.Ìà ? àHe€had€awakened€in€the€perfect€room,€consumed€the€perfect€Ìbreakfast,€and€laid€back€to€luxuriate€in€the€perfect€bed€and€had€Ìstarted€to€read€the€local€paper.Ìà ? à"IT'S€OFFICIAL!"€blared€the€headline.€€"Our€beloved€Caretaker€Ìhas€only€a€month€to€live,€the€scroll€patrol€has€been€alerted..."€On€Ìand€on€with€the€same€story.€In€his€pleasure„sated€state,€Balidare€had€Ìnot€had€the€patience€for€dull€local€politics.€€He€had€showered,€Ìdressed€and€gone€for€a€stroll,€amongst€the€same€crowds,€with€the€same€Ìever„present€smiles.€€Buoyed€up€by€euphoria,€the€Elfen€had€not€Ìnoticed€the€slight€glint€of€hunger€in€the€Boxemics€bright€eyes€as€Ìthey€watched€him€pass,€or€the€slightly€impatient€sharpness€of€tone€Ìwith€which€they€rapped€their€boxes.€€All€in€all,€it€had€come€as€an€Ìintensely€disturbing€surprise€when€everyone€had€started€to€chase€him.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌEventually€the€Estapoppi€had€carried€Will€to€the€foul„smelling€Ìsurface,€had€pointed€him€to€the€nearest€sign€and€had€rushed€back€to€Ìtheir€subterranean€labours.€The€sign€that€they€had€pointed€out€was€a€Ìplain€wooden€direction€post.€€It€seemed€to€be€new,€or€at€least,€newly€Ìpainted.€€The€words€were€plainly€stencilled€in€black€on€a€white€Ìbackground:€"THIS€WAY€TO€THE€MADID",€the€sign€had€said.€€Will€had€let€Ìhis€eyes€follow€where€the€sign€pointed,€making€out€the€distant€white€Ìshape€of€another€sign,€positioned€in€the€cleft€between€two€mountains€Ìof€rubbish.€€He€had€found€himself€briefly€wondering€why€he€had€not€Ìnoticed€the€signs€before,€but€quickly€moved€on€to€self€congratulation.€Ìà ? à"This€is€going€to€be€childs„play,"€he€thought.€€But€that€had€been€Ìdays€ago.€€Long€days€of€clambering€over€foul€rubbish,€of€no€food€or€Ìwater,€of€dealing€with€the€constant€clinging€smells€of€the€mounds,€Ìthe€foundation€stones€of€Estapoppi€empire.€Occasionally€he€had€a€Ìdistant€Estapoppi€for€company,€scuttling€or€bounding€across€the€Ìsurface€of€a€mound€with€effortless€ease,€ceaselessly€working,€but€ÌWill€was€without€the€generations€needed€to€adapt€himself€to€Ìtravelling€over€the€detritus„composed€environment,€for€him€it€was€Ìhard€going.€€Every€time€he€reached€a€sign,€he€found€himself,€hoping€Ìwildly€that€it€would€say,€"HERE€IT€IS".€But€every€time€there€was€just€Ìanother€sign€in€the€far„off€distance,€another€goal€to€wearily€reach,€Ìthis€quest€business€was€turning€out€to€be€no€fun€at€all€and€murder€on€Ìthe€legs€into€the€bargain.Ìà ? àBy€the€end€of€the€third€day,€the€mangy€mountains€of€garbage€had€Ìstarted€to€thin€out.€€By€the€fourth€they€were€behind€him,€and€by€the€Ìfifth€even€the€smell€had€started€to€ebb.€He€could€look€back€and€see€Ìthe€mounds€far€behind,€the€neat€row€of€signs€marking€his€route€and€Ìlook€forward€to€another€row€ahead€of€him,€seeming€to€go€on€for€Ìinfinity.€€For€the€past€day€the€signs€had€been€all€there€was€to€look€Ìat.€€He€was€crawling€slowly€over€nothingness,€or€what€seemed€like€„Ìnothingness,€the€bare€smooth€surface€under€his€exhausted€body,€the€Ìsky€above,€all€were€exactly€the€same€dull€shade€of€grey.€€Apart€from€Ìthe€receding€junk€mountains€behind€him,€this€was€a€landscape€of€total€Ìemptiness.€€No€rock,€no€river,€no€creature,€no€sound.€€Nothing!€€Only€Ìone€human,€nearing€the€end€of€his€physical€and€mental€tether,€and€a€Ìperfectly€laid€out€row€of€newly€minted„signs.Ìà ? àSomehow€Will€stubbornly€kept€going,€picking€himself€up€as€he€Ìcollapsed€from€fatigue,€again€€and€again,€onto€the€flat€and€Ìtextureless€ground,€forcing€himself€forward.€€He€had€to€keep€going,€Ìhe€had€responsibilities,€he€was€a€leader.€€Somewhere€out€there€the€Ìothers€might€need€help,€might€indeed€be€on€the€verge€of€death.€€He€Ìstarted€at€the€word,€still€thrashing€himself€with€remorse€at€the€Ìthought€of€the€horrid€death€that€he€had€caused,€at€the€end€of€the€Ìhapless€Estapoppi,€the€poor€slob€that€had€just€been€doing€his€job.€ÌNot€for€the€first€time,€he€felt€thankful€for€the€chance€to€continue€Ìhis€own€job,€thankful€to€whatever€benign€deity€„€or€possible€purple€ÌQueen€„€that€had€ensured€that€he€could€speak€fluent€Estapoppi,€aware€Ìthat€it€had€been€his€use€of€their€language€that€had€saved€his€own€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðlife.€€He€shuddered€at€the€thought€of€what€would€have€happened€if€he€Ìhad€not€been€able€to€communicate,€turning€his€thoughts€back€to€Ìputting€one€callused€hand€in€front€of€the€other,€getting€his€sore€and€Ìbleeding€knees€to€follow€his€onward€scolding,€pleading€bidding.Ìà ? àIt€seemed€like€forever€since€he€had€left€the€last€sign,€an€Ìeternity€filled€with€pain€and€unending€weariness€but€now€the€next€was€Ìnear.Ìà ? à"Come€on!",€Will's€mind€screamed€at€his€exhausted€body,€€"just€Ìone€more€and€we€can€sleep."Ìà ? àAfter€another€age,€he€reached€the€sign,€his€fatigued€mind€Ìtaking€time€to€realise€that€something€was€wrong,€that€this€sign€wasÌdifferent.Ìà ? à"ARE€YOU€HAVING€FUN€YET?"€It€mockingly€read.Ìà ? à'No!'€was€all€that€Will€managed€to€whisper,€before€his€body€Ìtook€him€up€on€his€promise€and€rushed€thankfully€into€slumber.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌHe€dreamt€of€Queen€Sharon.€€She€was€holding€a€box€labelled,€"THE€ÌMADID",€was€giving€him€a€prize,€and€saying€"Well€Done"€and€"Thank€Ìyou".€€The€sky€was€blue,€there€was€a€sound€he€recognised€from€video€Ìas€birdsong.€€All€seemed€lovely.€Then,€the€Queen's€stomach€opened.€ÌA€little€demon€Queen€lived€there,€with€ravening€fangs€and€jagged€Ìclaws.€Ìà ? à'It's€all€been€a€trick.€€APRIL€FOOOOOL!!!'€She€spitefully€Ìchuckled.Ìà ? àThen€those€claws€raked€his€body€and€he€woke€up.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€hurt€everywhere.€€Even€the€bits€of€his€body€that€he€did€Ìnot€know€the€Latin€names€for,€felt€like€they€were€showering€in€razor€Ìblades.€€He€raised€his€head,€hoping€for€some€sign€of€existence,€of€Ìday€or€night,€of€seasons,€but€all€around€was€still€the€same€grey€Ìnothingness.€€He€wondered€vaguely€if€he€were€dead,€if€he€was€just€Ìbeing€masticated€by€a€Estapoppi's€insides,€but€he€knew,€really,€that€Ìthis€could€not€be€true.€€He€had€not€lived€that€sinful€or€interesting€Ìa€life,€to€rate€such€pain€in€the€Hereafter.€The€sign€above€his€head€Ìmade€him€momentarily€forget€the€vigorous€protest€of€his€physique,€and€Ìrise€in€astonishment.€€"TO€THE€MADID",€it€said.€He€was€sure€that€it€Ìhad€not€said€that€before.€€Had€he€been€hallucinating?€€Or€was€he€Ìhallucinating€now?€€Certainly€something€had€changed.€€He€looked€ahead€Ìat€the€row€of€signs;€there€was€something€that€he€could€not€place,€a€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðsubtle€difference.€€After€nearly€an€hour€of€staggering€ahead,€of€Ìsearching€his€still€weary€brain,€he€realised€that€the€markers€were€Ìpointing€to€a€wall,€to€a€round€blob€of€red€in€the€centre€of€a€wall.€€ÌNeither€had€been€there€before.Ìà ? àDeep€inside,€one€last€store€of€adrenaline€gave€up€its€contents,€Ìgiving€a€last€desperate€surge€of€power€to€his€muscles.€€Will€Ìquickened€his€pace,€his€tyrant€mind€forcing€his€limbs€forward,€Ìreminding€them€that€this€was€their€last€chance.€€It€was€a€long€way€to€Ìgo,€but€lying€down€forever€was€the€only€alternative.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌOn€the€Road,€Iowa.€€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌIt€was€hard€to€see€who€had€been€more€astonished€by€the€reunion.€€ÌThe€rest€of€the€members€of€the€Misbegotten€Sons€of€Hades,€or€Blossom.€€ÌIt€had€been€over€thirty€years€and€none€of€them€had€weathered€that€Ìwell.€€The€damage€done€to€Blossm's€figure€by€years€of€suburban€Ìcomfort€had€been€more€than€matched€by€the€"Sons"€use€of€drink€and€Ìdrugs€over€the€years€and€neither€had€acted€as€an€elixir€of€youth.Ìà ? àStill,€the€"boys"€in€the€band,€as€Blossom€had€called€them,€Ìwithout€a€hint€of€mockery,€looked€as€good€to€her€as€the€day€she€met€Ìthem€in€the€corridors€of€Calvin€Coolidge€high,€and€they€in€turn€could€Ìsee€the€remnants€of€the€beautiful,€spirited€woman,€who€had€seemed€to€Ìpromise€so€much.€€A€woman€who€caused€many€a€lonely€hour€of€spotty€Ìteen„angst€amongst€the€male€population€at€the€time.Ìà ? àNot€for€an€instant€did€they€connect€their€new€passenger€with€Ìthe€blue„rinsed€hair€and€the€blushing€cheeks€of€a€twelve„year„old,€Ìwith€the€woman€whose€disappearance€had€prompted€a€storm€of€media€Ìattention.€Only€that€morning,€they€had€heard€the€story€on€the€radio,€Ìhow€this€woman€had€been€denounced€by€her€husband,€called€a€spawn€of€ÌSatan€and€blamed€for€all€his€recent€troubles.€€Only€that€morning,€ÌCasper€Titwilleger€had€engaged€the€old€established€Iowa€lawfirm€of€Ì"Gredi,€Graspin,€Bastaards€&€Billings"€to€handle€his€divorce.€€It€was€a€Ìbig€story:€Starchild€was€even€thinking€of€writing€a€song€about€it.Ìà ? àTo€them,€this€woman,€this€treasured€relic€of€their€pre„erotic€Ìpast,€was€not€known€as€Titwilleger.€Her€name€had€been€Pimpleknocker€Ìwhen€they€had€last€met€and€high€school€reunions€had€never€featured€on€Ìthe€band's€list€of€must„do's.€€Now€as€the€band€and€their€passenger€Ìresumed€their€journey,€there€was€the€chance€to€catch€up.Ìà ? à'Whatever€happened€to€the€freak?'€Eric€"Moonglow"€Matisowitz,€Ìband€drummer,€wildman€and€general€fuzzed€in€the€head€individual€Ìmumbled€with€interest.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'The€freak?'€Blossom€was€trying€to€be€helpful€and€charming,€she€Ìwas€grateful€for€the€ride€and€the€chance€to€meet€old€friends,€Ìespecially€ones€that€she€had€had€a€young€married's€crush€on,€but€the€Ìname€meant€nothing€to€her.Ìà ? à'Yeah!€€The€freak.€€You€must€remember!'€Moonglow€was€becoming€Ìinsistent€but€his€enthusiasm€did€nothing€to€dispel€her€puzzlement.€€ÌThe€comments€of€Bassist€George€"Goon"€Gaddis€or€keyboard€man€Fletcher€ÌÌ"Stumpy"€Carlisle€did€little€to€help€clear€things€up.Ìà ? à'You€know.€€The€weirdo.'Ìà ? à'The€oddball.'Ìà ? àShe€turned€to€Starchild€for€clarification.Ìà ? à'I€think€they€mean€the€creep',€he€offered.€€It€did€not€help.€Ìà ? à'I€still€don't.'Ìà ? à'The€goofy€guy.'Ìà ? à'Which€guy.?'Ìà ? à'The€guy€that€had€the€hots€for€you.€€The€jerk€that€you€used€to€Ìthink€was€such€a€waste€of€space.'Ìà ? àMoonglow€butted€in.Ìà ? à'The€loser€who€helped€out€in€your€dad's€store,€who€liked€the€Ìdead€animals€an'€stuff.'Ìà ? àSuddenly€it€was€depressingly€clear.Ìà ? à'Oh,€him.'€She€said€quietly.Ìà ? àThe€Band€were€excited€now,€carried€away€on€the€kind€of€trip€Ìthat€did€not€rot€braincells,€a€nostalgia€trip.Ìà ? à'God,€that€guy€was€such€a€case.'€Starchild€shook€his€head,€Ìà ? à'Weird„d„d„d€city!'€Moonglow€agreed.Ìà ? à'A€total€spazmo,'€giggled€Stumpy.Ìà ? à'What€d'yer€say€happened€to€him?'€asked€Goon.Ìà ? à'I€married€him.'€Blossom€said,€trying€to€keep€her€voice€matter„Ìof„fact.Ìà ? àAfter€thirty„nine€years€together,€the€band€were€used€to€Ìharmonies.Ìà ? à'BUMMER„R„R„R!!!'€They€all€said€in€unison.Ìà ? àBlossom€had€to€agree.Ìà ? à'You're€telling€me,'€she€nodded.Ìà ? àShe€felt€the€comforting€touch€of€Starchild's€hand€on€hers.€€ÌFelt€the€strength€in€his€shrivelled,€craggy€arms€as€she€leaned€her€Ìhead€on€his€shoulder.Ìà ? à'Talking€of€weird€guys,'€said€Moonglow,€who€had€really€Ìforgotten€altogether€what€they€were€talking€about.Ìà ? à'Whatever€happened€to€your€brother?'Ìà ? à'Now€he€really€was€a€dork!'€Goon€and€Stumpy,€nodded€aged€heads.Ìà ? à'Did€he€end€up€in€the€pen€like€we€said€he€would?'€Queried€ÌMoonglow.Ìà ? à'Or€the€army?'Ìà ? à'He€was€such€a€thug.'Ìà ? à'He's€a€preacher€in€California.'€Blossom€quickly€put€them€out€Ìof€their€misery.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'NO€WA„A„A„Y„Y„Y„Y!'Ìà ? à'He's€got€his€own€T.V.€show,€his€own€church,€makes€fifty€Ìmillion€a€year.'Ìà ? àThere€was€a€stunned€silence.€Eventually€with€a€shocked€Ìexpression€of€wonderment,€Starchild€spoke€for€them€all.€Ìà ? à'Life's€a€bitch,€isn't€it?'Ìà ? àBlossom€gently€nodded.€Ìà ? à'As€I€said,€you're€telling€me.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWilbur€Prince,€lard€bucket€of€God,€was€beside€himself€with€Ìfury.€€He€had€not€minded€his€sister€throwing€away€her€life,€had€not€Ìminded€her€marrying€that€idiot€into€the€family€business,€did€not€give€Ìa€damn€what€she€did€with€her€private€life.€€But€when€she€started€Ìbeing€called€a€"mistress€of€Satan",€when€she€got€her€stupid€fat€face€Ìplastered€all€over€the€press€and€when€the€publicity€was€damaging€the€ÌLord's€work,€and,€more€importantly,€business,€it€was€time€to€act.€He€Ìpicked€up€the€phone€and€did€the€only€thing€that€an€upstanding€Ìcitizen,€loving€brother€and€devout€Christian€could€do€in€the€Ìcircumstances.€€He€phoned€some€business€associates€and€had€a€hit€put€Ìout€on€his€sister.€€Then€he€went€back€to€reading€Primrose€Bland's€Ìlatest€fan€letter.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'Hey.€You€want€to€know€somethin'€really€freaky?'€Starchild€Ìsaid.Ìà ? àBlossom€smiled;€for€the€first€time€in€a€long€time,€she€was€Ìhaving€fun.€€They€had€just€sang€her€song,€the€one€they€had€written€in€Ìhigh€school:€"You're€a€bitching€chick€Blossom,€but€stop€playing€Ìpossom€on€me...",€€it€was€awful€in€the€way€that€only€early€'Sixties€Ìbubblegum€pop€could€be,€but€it€had€been€written€for€her€and€she€Ìwas€very€fond€of€it.Ìà ? à'It's€so€amazing.€With€all€this€stuff€about€the€past,'€ÌStarchild€continued.Ìà ? à'What€is?'Ìà ? à'We're€going€home.'Ìà ? à'Where€do€you€live?'Ìà ? à'Not€our€home.€The€old€place.€€Your€home.€€We're€gonna€play€ÌAshton.€€Isn't€it€great?"Ìà ? àBlossom's€smile€froze€on€her€face.€€She€felt€buffeted€over€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðhead€by€the€wicked€cosh€of€disappointment.€€Ashton€was€the€last€Ìplace€she€wanted€to€visit.Ìà ? à'We€could€all€visit€the€old€high€school.'Ìà ? à'Why!€are€you€hungry?'Ìà ? àStarchild€looked€especially€puzzled€by€her€answer,€so€Blossom€Ìexplained.Ìà ? à'They€tore€it€down€in€the€'Nineties.€€It's€"Bob's€Side€o'Beef€Ìon€a€Plate"€now,€"burgers€and€ribs€for€hungry€people".'€Ìà ? àThere€was€a€startled€silence€in€the€van.€However€decrepit€they€Ìhad€got,€however€much€they€had€changed,€the€band€had€always€had€an€Ìimage€of€the€old€town€staying€the€same.Ìà ? àMoonglow€perked€up.Ìà ? à'Well,€you€could€visit€Casper.€Talk€over€old€times.'ÌÌà ? à'Somehow,€I€don't€think€he'd€enjoy€that.'€Blossom's€reply€was€Ìcertain.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌClaude€Billings€was€one€of€the€most€highly€regarded,€and€Ìexpensive,€lawyers€in€the€state.€€He€cultivated€an€air€of€folksy€Ìdistinction,€"Out„Twaining€Twain"€as€he€called€it.€This€policy€had€Ìworked€spectacularly.€€His€office€was€an€image€of€tastefully€Ìrestrained€opulence,€a€shrine€to€his€legal€success.€In€this€room,€he€Ìhad€dealt€politely€and€sensibly€with€murderers,€rapists,€arsonists,€Ìevery€kind€of€violent€criminal.€€That€was€before€he€had€decided€to€Ìtry€divorce€work.€€Now€his€office€was€mostly€filled€with€gibbering€Ìmadmen.€On€the€surface,€Casper€Titwilleger€did€not€look€mad,€he€did€Ìnot€look€like€he€had€that€much€character.€€But€what€he€was€saying€was€Ìpurest€loony€tunes.Ìà ? à'You've€got€to€find€her.€€She's€dangerous,€possessed€by€the€Ìdevil.'Ìà ? à'Most€people€are€when€they€get€a€divorce,€Mr€Titwilleger.€€It's€Ìthe€stress.'Ìà ? à'She€has€to€be€stopped.'Ìà ? à'I€wouldn't€worry.€€As€far€as€divorce€goes.€€Our€firm€is€the€Ìbest.'Ìà ? à'The€devils€will€protect€her.'Ìà ? à'We€have€to€find€out€which€firm€is€representing€her€before€we€Ìstart€slandering€them.'Ìà ? à'We€have€to€find€her.'Ìà ? à'Half€the€newspapers€in€the€country€are€looking.€€Don't€worry.'Ìà ? à'Worry!'€Casper€fixed€him€with€a€wide„eyed€fanatic€stare.€€'Of€Ìcourse€I€worry.€€If€we€don't€find€her,€she€could€destroy€the€world.€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐBelieve€me,€it's€worrying.'Ìà ? à'If€you€want€we€could€hire€a€private€detective€for€you.€€I€have€Ìa€woman€in€mind€who's€done€a€lot€of€good€work€for€us.'Ìà ? à'Yes!€€Yes!'€The€taxidermist€was€beside€himself€with€sweaty€Ìeagerness.€'€Tell€her,€it's€her€chance€to€save€the€world.'Ìà ? àAs€he€lifted€the€phone,€Claude€Billings€felt€suddenly€Ìexhausted.€€Tired€of€all€the€oddballs,€the€dealing€with€fools,€that€Ìwent€into€earning€a€legal€crust.€€He€€was€sorry€that€he€had€taken€Ìthis€case,€sorry€that€he€had€been€attracted€by€the€publicity,€sorry€Ìthat€he€could€not€think€of€a€way€to€get€Titwilleger€out€of€his€Ìoffice.€€The€phone€rang€for€a€long€time.€€Then€someone€picked€it€up.€€ÌA€familiar€voice€growled€abruptly€at€the€other€end,€and€suddenly,€ÌBillings€did€not€feel€weary€or€sorry€anymore.Ìà ? à'Hi€Munday.€€It's€Claude€Billings.€€Can€you€drop€everything?€€ÌI've€got€a€case€you're€gonna€love.€€The€client€says€you€can€save€the€Ìworld.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill's€tiredness€had€outstripped€the€bonds€of€mere€reason€some€Ìtime€before.€€Now€only€the€zombie„like€slow€motion€of€his€limbs€and€Ìthe€freeform€mind„games€in€his€head€kept€him€going.€For€several€Ìhours,€or€so€it€seemed,€the€large€red€blob€had€been€taunting€him,€Ìhad€even€adopted€a€spiteful€demonic€face€to€do€so.€€"Lie€down€and€Ìsleep€you€loser",€it€suggested.€"Lie€down€and€die",€it€demanded.€Ì"Your€friends€are€all€dead",€it€informed€him,€over€and€over€again.Ìà ? àWill€did€not€pause€for€an€instant,€just€kept€crawling€forward€Ìat€a€pace€that€would€make€a€snail€seem€like€a€hyperactive€leopard,€Ìhis€dry€lips,€too€sore€and€cracked€to€reply€to€the€scarlet€tormentor.€€ÌCloser€and€closer€came€the€blob,€and€more€and€more€sarcastic€grew€Ìits€taunts,€until€Will€was€close€enough€to€€make€out€the€fact€that€it€Ìlooked€like€a€red€button.€After€a€few€minutes€he€could€even€hazily€Ìread€the€small€lettering€on€the€sign€above€it:€"PRESS€FOR€THE€MADID",€Ìit€said.Ìà ? à"Press,"€thought€Will,€"I'm€not€just€going€to€press.€I'm€going€Ìto€punch€its€bloody€face€in."Ìà ? à€As€Will€finally€got€within€reach€and€felt€the€relief€of€striking€Ìout€as€his€fist€connected€brutally€with€a€solid€metal€surface,€he€Ìrealised€that€it€was€really€just€a€button€after€all.€€A€button€Ìthat€slowly€pressed€down.€There€was€a€slight€pause€as€Will€waited€for€Ìsomething€wonderful€to€happen.€Suddenly,€brutally,€the€button€connectedÌand€an€electric€shock€seared€through€him.€Lifting€him€off€the€floor€and€Ìdepositing€his€body,€fizzing€and€rippling€from€the€effects€of€the€energy€Ìbolt,€almost€six€feet€away.Ìà ? àAs€he€slipped,€once€again,€into€unconsciousness,€he€heard€a€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðchiding€inner€voice€say.€"Not€again!€€I€don't€know€why€you€ever€Ìbother€to€wake€up",€and€more€than€that,€he€heard€another€sound,€one€Ìthat€seemed€to€be€moving€towards€him€from€above;€the€boisterous€sound€Ìof€happy€laughter.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Yuk!"€had€been€Grendellal's€first€impression€as€she€woke€up€Ìand€her€opinion€had€not€changed€since€then.€It€was€all€too€neat€Ìand€sanitised€to€be€real.€€€She€had€been€walking€for€hours€across€Ìa€flat€grassy€plain.€The€grass€was€lush€but€short,€as€if€freshly€Ìmowed.€The€few€trees€looked€pruned,€all€cut€to€the€same€size,€Ìcarefully€grouped€together.€€There€was€not€even€a€bump€or€a€stone€Ìin€the€ground.Ìà ? à"This€isn't€nature;€it's€set€design,"€Grendella€thought€to€Ìherself,€as€she€scratched€the€"Slime€Girls"€tattoo€on€her€arm,€Ìbelching€and€farting€softly.€€It€was€just€no€place€for€a€fun„loving€ÌDwarfen,€hot„to„trot€and€loaded€for€bear.€"This€place€is€Bally's€idea€Ìof€a€good€time."Ìà ? àThe€thought€of€the€others€kept€her€moving.€€They€at€least€would€Ìcheer€the€place€up€a€bit.€€Maybe€she€could€share€the€few€beers€she€Ìhad€thoughtfully€stashed€in€her€shoulder„bag,€start€a€party€and€get€Ìthe€Prince€kid€to€lighten€up€a€bit.€After€a€while,€she€saw€the€Ìsettlement,€it€was€not€calculated€to€thrill.Ìà ? à"Definitely€Dullsville."Ìà ? àIt€was€as€if€suburban€planning€had€gone€mad.€€Not€even€COMS€had€Ìbeen€this€rigorous€in€its€uniformity,€The€town€was€made€up€of€rows€Ìand€rows€of€small€bungalows,€all€laid€out€in€a€strict€block€pattern,€Ìthere€was€none€of€the€relieving€individual€flourishes,€none€of€the€Ìtastelessness€that€had€typified€the€suburbs€in€the€old€days€on€Earth.€€ÌThere€was€no€stonecladding,€extra€garages,€bay„windows€or€Ì'Dunroamings'€here.€€Each€bungalow€was€the€exactly€the€same€size,€Ìexactly€the€same€colour,€built€in€exactly€the€same€way.€€Even€the€Ìfront€lawns,€outside€the€dwellings,€had€exactly€the€same€flowers€Ìplanted€in€exactly€the€same€places.€€All€over€town,€bungalows€Ìrepeated€themselves,€precise€replicas€of€each€other.€€The€"square"€Ìhad€definitely€inherited€this€"Earth."Ìà ? àGrendella€soon€reached€what€she€presumed€was€the€outskirts€of€Ìtown;€it€was€difficult€to€tell,€as€from€a€distance€the€centre€of€town€Ìlooked€exactly€like€the€block€she€was€standing€in.€She€looked€closely€Ìat€the€nearest€bungalow,€noticing€that,€even€by€her€petite€standards,€Ìit€looked€small.€€Not€that€it€mattered,€she€did€not€plan€to€stay€Ìhere.€She€turned,€about€to€leave.€€Behind€her€a€bungalow€front€door€Ìopened€and€two€of€the€locals€stepped€out.€Grendella€spun€back,€Ìshaking€her€head,€somehow€she€had€known€that€they€would€look€like€Ìthis.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àThey€were€humanoid€figures.€€Just€over€two„foot„tall,€dressed€Ìexactly€alike,€in€bright€dungarees,€and€long„sleeved€stripy€jerseys,€Ìthey€looked€curiously€doll„like.€€From€the€slight€variations€in€Ìphysique€Grendella€presumed€that€one€was€male€and€one€was€female.€€It€Ìwas€hard€to€be€sure;€their€hair€was€cut€the€same,€even€their€faces€Ìwere€totally€alike:€with€little€button€noses,€small€tight€thin„lipped€Ìmouths,€and€narrowed€suspicious€eyes.€€Their€skin€was€multi„coloured,€Ìcovering€their€rotund€little€bodies€in€a€patchwork€pattern,€but€even€Ìthis€complex€pattern€seemed€to€be€repeated€exactly€on€each€of€them.€€ÌThey€approached€her,€keeping€precisely€in€step€with€each€over.Ìà ? à'Hi,€Shortstuffs.€Which€one€is€Tweedledum,€and€which€is€ÌTweedledee?'Ìà ? àThey€said€nothing.€€Instead,€as€if€synchronised,€they€both€Ìproduced€a€small€notebook€and€pencil€and€started€to€write€rapidly,€Ìall€the€while€looking€extremely€disapproving.€€Ìà ? à'So€tell€me€Munchkins,€what€does€a€happening€guy€and€girl€such€Ìas€yourselves€do€for€entertainment€'round€here?'Ìà ? à'Obviously€a€knowledge„base€non„possessor.'€They€both€spoke€Ìtogether€in€dull,€dead€sounding€voices.Ìà ? àGrendella€bristled:€'Are€you€saying€I'm€thick?'Ìà ? à'Differently€abled.'Ìà ? à'That's€good,€coming€from€a€couple€of€runts€like€you.'Ìà ? à'This€is€fascinating,'€the€colourful€beings€agreed.€'The€use€of€Ìlanguage€to€offend€is€obviously€cerebrally€challenged.'Ìà ? à'Talk€sense,€you€little€creeps.'Ìà ? à'Perhaps€the€contaminant€is€sobriety„deprived.'Ìà ? à'I€haven't€touched€a€drop€for€hours!'€Grendella€was€getting€Ìannoyed.Ìà ? à'Who€ARE€you?'Ìà ? à'We€are€the€Ritons,'€the€curious€figures€answered€politely.Ìà ? à'That€figures.€€How€do€I€get€to€somewhere€sensible?'Ì€à ? àThe€Ritons€shook€their€heads€sadly.Ð Š Ú Ðà ? à'Mentally€disadvantaged.'Ìà ? à'Listen€half„pints.€€I€can't€say€that€rapping€with€Tom€Thumb's€Ìuptight€cousins€has€been€fun,€because€it€hasn't.€€But€joke's€over.€ÌIt's€time€to€get€out€of€this€toy„store€town,€just€tell€me€who€made€Ìyou€little€wind„up€dollies€and€I'll€go€there€for€some€fun.'Ìà ? à'I€am€afraid€you€cannot€leave,'€the€first€Riton€said.Ìà ? à'You€are€a€contaminant,€you€see.'€added€Riton€number€two.Ìà ? à'You€must€be€stopped.'Ìà ? à'Put€on€trial.'Ìà ? à'TRIAL!'€Grendella€blurted€incredulously.€'What€for?'Ìà ? à'For€crimes€against€the€state.'Ìà ? à'Crimes€against€the€language.'Ìà ? à'Crimes€against€a€fair€and€balanced€world.'€They€waved€their€Ìnotebooks.€'We€have€the€evidence€you€see.€We€are€afraid€that€it€will€Ìmean€the€terminal€penalty.'Ìà ? à'What's€that?€€Polite€conversation€with€you€two€funsters.'Ìà ? à'You€must€be€stopped.€Neutralised.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Rendered€non„viable.'Ìà ? àGrendella€had€had€enough€of€their€surreal€little€delusion.€She€Ìleaned€forward,€smiling€dangerously.Ìà ? à'You've€got€to€catch€me€first.'Ìà ? àThe€Ritons€looked€soberly€at€each€other,€they€nodded€and€opened€Ìtheir€mouths€wide.€€Overcome€by€gas,€the€Dwarfen€fell€over.Ìà ? à'I€should€have€known,'€she€managed€to€mumble€dully€as€she€Ìpassed€out,€'Talking€horse„manure€all€the€time€„€bound€to€have€bad€Ìbreath.'Ìà ? àThe€Ritons€gazed€at€each€other€impassively,€shaking€their€Ìheads.Ìà ? à'A€chronic€under„achiever,€we€must€be€careful€to€avoid€Ìinappropriate€physical€abuse.'Ìà ? àThen€they€started€to€drag€the€Dwarfen€away;€carefully.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Please€God.€€Let€me€see€something€nice€this€time,"€Will€Ìthought€to€himself€as€he€opened€his€eyes.Ìà ? àThe€face€that€looked€back€was€weathered€and€grinning,€deeply€Ìtanned€and€lined€by€its€owner's€amusement€at€the€cosmos.€€The€eyes€Ìwere€large,€softly€brown€with€a€merry€twinkle,€and€under€the€large€Ìgnomic€nose,€the€wide€lips€contained€a€brimming€gob,€full€of€gleaming€Ìteeth.€€Add€to€this€the€large€hoop€earring€that€adorned€the€thick€Ìleft€ear€and€the€great€tumbling€cascades€of€shiny€curly€black€hair€Ìand€you€had€Will's€vision€of€what€a€buccaneer€should€look€like.Ìà ? àHis€clothes€too€seemed€suitably€flamboyant.€€The€long€flowing,€Ìgypsy„style€white€silk€shirt,€the€large€musketeer€boots,€the€Ìcolourful€poncho€carelessly€thrown€on,€the€long€black€gloves,€and€Ìthat€hat:€a€hat€of€brocade€and€feathers€and€finery,€a€hat€that€seemed€Ìto€go€on€forever,€of€unlikely€dimensions,€somehow€defying€gravity€and€Ìnot€flopping€all€over€the€place.€€This€being€was€something€to€see,€Ìand€you€could€tell€he€knew€it€too,€from€the€slightly€posed€Ìcarelessness€with€which€he€sat€on€the€stool,€the€rugged€jauntiness€Ìof€the€fist€resting€on€the€hip.€He€was€certainly€impressive,€Ìconsidering€he€was€only€eleven€inches€high.Ìà ? à'Greetings,€Will€Prince,'€the€being€said€in€a€deep€voice€Ìdripping€with€gregarious€good„fellowship,€'Welcome€to€the€quest.'Ìà ? àWill€said€nothing,€he€could€say€nothing.€€He€was€just€too€Ìshocked.Ìà ? à'Would€you€like€something€to€eat?€€Something€to€drink?'Ìà ? àThe€being€casually€clicked€his€fingers,€a€substantial€tableÌappeared,€covered€with€fine€linen,€china,€silverware€and€moreÌimportantly,€more€mouth„watering€delicacies€than€Will€had€ever€seen.Ð Ð/ +0 ÐIt€was€all€too€much.€€Will€fainted,€ears€resounding€with€the€Ìcreature's€fruity€laughter.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa€:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌ"Cyanide€Sal",€the€limpdicks€had€called€her€in€Big„City€ÌHomicide,€behind€her€back,€of€course.€€In€the€department,€Sally€ÌMunday€had€had€a€reputation€for€being€so€hard„boiled,€she€needed€Ìdynamite€to€crack€a€smile.€€She€did€not€suffer€fools€gladly,€had€not€Ìput€up€with€the€"boys"€on€the€force's€constant€sexist€jibes,€had€Ìtaken€charge€of€her€own€destiny€and€set€up€as€a€private€detective.Ìà ? àThe€same€kindergarten€mentality€adopted€by€her€ex„colleagues€Ìstill€occasionally€prompted€some€jerk€to€think€that€he€was€really€Ìclever,€calling€her€a€"private€dick"€in€a€sniggering,€patronising,€Ìvoice.€€Sally,€treated€such€cretins€with€the€contempt,€and€the€sharp€Ìright€hook€to€the€jaw,€that€they€deserved.Ìà ? àHowever,€Sally€was€no€stereotype€from€some€old€movie,€no€cool€Ìblonde€with€a€smoking€gun€in€her€hand,€hatred€for€all€men€and€a€Ìfrigidaire€in€her€heart.€€She€did€not€even€own€a€fedora,€much€to€her€Ìcustomers'€disappointment.€Sally€Munday,€was€a€together,€large€boned€Ìearly€thirties€red„head,€with€a€no„nonsense€attitude,€casual€taste€in€Ìclothes,€a€ten„year„old€son€to€support€and€a€flair€for€her€job.€She€Ìdid€not€need€to€make€slickly€impressive€wise„cracks€about€being€good€Ìat€what€she€did;€she€just€was.Ìà ? àRight€now,€that€job€was€finding€Mrs€Titwilleger,€although€Ìhaving€met€Casper,€she€felt€that€Blossom€was€probably€better€off€on€Ìher€own.€It€had€been€surprisingly€easy€so€far.€€Some€fellow€bus€Ìpassengers€had€seen€her€walk€away.€€It€had€just€been€a€matter€of€Ìfollowing€the€route€in€her€battered€Sedan,€asking€questions.€€People€Ìanswered€Sally;€she€was€a€rarity€in€an€impatient€time,€for€she€asked€Ìquestions€like€she€really€wanted€to€hear€the€answer,€and€then€she€Ìlistened.Ìà ? à'Sure,'€The€spotty€teenager€said.€'I€thought€it€was€strange,€Ìshe€seemed€so€normal.'Ìà ? à'And€she€climbed€into€a€van€with€some€old€guys.'Ìà ? à'Old!€They€were€dinosaurs,€like€outta€the€movies€my€gran'daddy€Ìwatches.€Woodstock€n'€Monteray€n'€stuff.Ì€à ? à'Was€there€anything€distinctive€about€the€van?'Ð .T). Ѐà ? àThe€kid€looked€uncertain,€confused.€€'Distinctive,€what's€Ð ê.:*/ Ðthat?'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Anything€special€or€noticeable.€€Anything€that€stood€out.'Ìà ? à'Shi„i„i„t„t„t€mam!€€Distinctive€ain't€the€word.€€That€thing€Ìwas€so€old,€it€was€a€wonder€it€was€still€moving,€AND€the€paintwork.€€ÌYou've€never€see€the€like!€€Unicorns,€stars€and€all€types€of€weird€Ìstuff,€all€over€the€damn€thing.€€It€looked€horrible.'Ìà ? à'Were€there€any€words€painted,€with€the€pictures.'Ìà ? à'Yeah€but€they€were€real€strange,€"PEACE"€n'€"LOVE"€n'€"END€THE€ÌWAR€NOW".€€What€damn€war's€that?€I€thought."Ìà ? à'Anything€else.'Ìà ? à'Yeah,€"HELL€NO!€WE€WON'T€GO",€"LAY€DON'T€SLAY",€and€somethin'€Ìelse.€€Some€kinda'€name.€€It€stuck€in€my€mind...'Ìà ? àSally€nodded€eagerly,€spurring€the€kid€on.Ìà ? à'The€Misbegotten€Sons€of€Hernandez,€or€Houston€or€some€damn€Ìthing.'Ìà ? à'When€it€drove€off,€did€you€see€which€way€it€went?'Ìà ? à'Well,€it€was€far€off€when€it€turned,€but€I€think.'Ìà ? à'Yes?'Ìà ? à'I€think€it€turned€off€towards€Ashton.'Ìà ? àSally€rewarded€the€youth€with€a€smile€and€some€effusive€words€Ìof€appreciation.Ìà ? à'No€sweat€M'am,'€he€said,€'Can€I€have€the€fifty€bucks€now?'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌHe€was€a€killer,€although€he€was€not€bothered€by€the€fact.€€It€Ìwas€just€a€job.€€Even€his€collection€of€passports,€each€with€a€Ìdifferent€alias,€were€reasonably€upfront€about€it.€€Occupation,€they€Ìsaid:€"Exterminator".€€And€it€had€to€be€said€that€he€was€lethally€Ìefficient.€€Better€than€most€poisons,€a€hundred€per€cent€effective€Ìagainst€tiresome€pests.Ìà ? àNow€he€had€arrived€in€Ashton,€just€another€place€full€of€Ìsecrets,€hidden€lusts,€hatreds€and€despairs.€€None€of€it€mattered€to€Ìthis€rather€nondescript€looking€man€with€the€sober€taste€in€suits.€He€Ìhad€not€arrived€as€a€tourist,€like€the€many€others€camped€outside€the€ÌTitwilleger€home.€All€he€wanted€to€do€was€get€things€over€with,€do€Ìthe€business€and€get€back€home€and€work€on€his€golf€handicap.€€He€was€Ìa€man€of€few€needs€and€most€of€those€needs€were€focused€now€on€Ìrapidly€finding€Blossom€Titwilleger€and€terminating€her€existence.ÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌà ? à'Ah,€you're€awake.€Good.'€Ìà ? àThe€swashbuckling€figure€had€moved€his€stool€to€the€dinner€Ìtable.Ìà ? à'Am€I?'€was€all€Will€could€mutter€weakly,€he€had€been€Ìunconscious€so€many€times€recently,€he€had€no€certain€idea€of€which€Ìstate€he€was€in€anymore.Ìà ? à'I€don't€think€I'd€bother€to€talk€to€you€if€you€wasn't.'Ìà ? à€Will€did€not€even€listen€to€the€creature's€answer.€€He€was€Ìdistracted€by€the€smell,€the€delicious,€wonderful€odour,€of€lots€and€Ìlots,€of€food€and€drink.€€He€had€been€thoughtfully€placed€at€the€Ìtable,€within€easy€reach€of€everything.€€For€a€while€he€drank€it€all€Ìin,€then€he€looked€at€the€little€man,€the€longing€virtually€dripping€Ìdown€his€face.€The€flamboyant€personage€politely€motioned.Ìà ? à'Please,€feel€free.'ÌÌà ? àThat€was€all€the€encouragement€Will€needed.€€Like€a€manic,€Ìraging€beast€descending€upon€his€prey,€Will€attacked€the€contents€of€Ìthe€table.€€For€a€long€time€there€was€just€the€sound€of€happy€Ìswilling,€munching,€and€the€little€man's€encouraging€mirth.€€For€ÌWill,€it€was€a€wonderful€experience,€almost€orgasmic€in€intensity.€ÌAfter€all€the€years€of€difficult€COMS€GRUB€machines,€after€all€the€Ìprivations€of€the€past€few€days,€it€was€a€dream€made€flesh,€and€such€Ìflesh;€sweet,€tender€and€gorgeous.€For€a€while€after€he€had€finished€Ìthere€was€silence,€a€quiet€formed€from€perfect€contentment€and€rose„Ìtinted€memory.€€The€meal€had€been€marvellous.€€Then€Will€called€his€Ìpleasured€senses€to€order.Ìà ? à'Who€are€you?'€he€asked€the€creature€in€the€unlikely€hat.Ìà ? à'The€name's€Gilhoolie,€€I'm€a€fantastation.'Ìà ? à'A€fantas...A€what?'Ìà ? à'A€guide.€€Your€guide€to€Spoggle.€€You€summoned€me€when€you€hit€Ìthe€MADID€button.'Ìà ? à'That's€nice.€You€can€start€by€telling€me€where€my€friends€Ìare.'Ìà ? à'That€would€be€telling.'Ìà ? à'You€just€said€you're€a€guide.'Ìà ? à'I'm€more€generalised€than€that,€I€don't€want€to€spoil€the€Ìfun.'€Gilhoolie€chuckled.Ìà ? à'Fun,€what€fun?'Ìà ? à'The€fun€of€you€finding€your€friends.€€The€fun€of€you€rescuing€Ìthem.€€The€fun€of€proving€that€you're€worthy€to€go€after€the€MADID.'Ìà ? àWill€tried€a€little€conceited€name„dropping.Ìà ? à'THE€Queen€Sharon,€Queen€of€the€Illuminated€Way,€no€less,€Ìthought€I€was€worthy.'Ìà ? àThe€Fantastation€looked€distinctly€underwhelmed.Ìà ? à'We€know.€€But€believe€me,€she€isn't€as€important€as€she€thinks€Ìshe€is.€The€opinions,€or€the€powers,€of€your€purple,€or€orange€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðfriends,€don't€matter€here.'Ìà ? à"That's€telling€me",€Will€thought.€No€wonder€she€said€she€Ìcouldn't€help.Ìà ? à'So,€if€you€can't€tell€me€where€my€friends€are,€what€can€you€Ìtell€me?'Ìà ? à'There€is€a€very€old€natural€law€in€effect€in€the€universe.€€ÌThat€for€every€piece€of€well€thought€out,€logical€action,€there€must€Ìbe€a€equal€piece€of€total€jammy€blind€luck...'Ìà ? à'That€about€sums€up€my€life.'Ìà ? à'When€this€place€was€created€„€don't€ask€me€anything€about€the€Ìcreators€because€I€won't€tell€you€„€it€was€decided€that€the€last€Ìthing€anyone€needed€was€luck€mucking€about€with€everyone's€careful€Ìplans.€€So,€the€creators€did€what€they€do€best;€creating.€€They€Ìcreated€the€MADID€and€they€created€the€quest€for€the€MADID€and€they€Ìcreated€me€to€oversee€that€quest.€That€way,€all€the€blind„luck€Ìelement€of€life's€equation€is€used€up€in€seeking€the€MADID€and€all€Ìthe€planned€stuff€can€go€on€without€disturbance.'Ìà ? à'So,€I'm€here€as€some€sort€of€lightning€conductor€for€luck.'Ìà ? à'You€seem€to€be€fairly€lucky.€€You're€here,€you've€survived€so€Ìfar.'Ìà ? à'So,€what's€next?'Ìà ? àGilhoolie€smiled€his€most€trustworthy€smile.Ìà ? à'The€fun€bit,€you'll€enjoy€this....'Ìà ? à'Wanna€bet!'€Will€mumbled€to€himself€resentfully.Ìà ? à'Somewhere€out€there,€on€this€BIG,€BIG€world,€are€your€friends.€ÌAll€you€have€to€do€is€find€them,€and€rescue€them.'Ìà ? à'RESCUE?'Ìà ? à'Yes.€They're€all€in€some€danger.€€A€little€precaution€we€take,€Ìjust€to€make€things€interesting.'Ìà ? àWill€absolutely€loathed€every€minute€of€being€a€hero.€€It€was€Ìnothing€but€grief,€he€decided.Ìà ? à'That's€nice.€What€if€I€do€all€this,€if€I€rescue€them.'Ìà ? à'Well€then,€I€take€out€my€scorecard,€tot€up€how€you've€done€and€Ìsee€if€you€go€onto€the€next€bit.€€That's€the€really€hard€part.'Ìà ? à'You're€treating€it€like€it's€all€a€game,€scorecards€and€Ìthings.'Ìà ? à'It€is€a€sort€of€game€really.€Anything€that's€got€so€much€luck€Ìinvolved€is€a€game.€€Life's€a€game€if€you€look€at€it€that€way.'Ìà ? àWill€could€feel€the€beneficial€effects€of€the€meal€ebbing€away€Ìin€direct€proportion€to€his€growing€realisation€of€the€tasks€ahead.Ìà ? à'What€if€I€fail?'Ìà ? à'Cheer€up€Will,€you€won't.'Ìà ? à'What€if€I€do?'Ìà ? à'I€don't€write€the€rules...'Ìà ? à'Yes?'Ìà ? à'It's€nothing€to€do€with€me.'Ìà ? àWill€nodded,€growing€impatient.€For€a€moment€the€Fantastation's€Ìeyes€lost€their€sparkle,€his€mouth€it's€mirth.'Ìà ? à'If€you€don't€succeed...'€Gilhoolie€hesitated.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'WHAT€HAPPENS?'Ìà ? à'You€all€die€horribly,'€came€the€subdued€reply.€'The€Estapoppi€Ìwon't€release€you€a€second€time.'Ìà ? àWill€suddenly€felt€very€cold.€€Ìà ? à'What€happens€if€I€say€„€we€quit,€we€don't€want€to€go€on,€let€Ìus€leave?'Ìà ? à'You€can't.€€You're€committed.€€Give€up€and€you€give€up€Ìeverything.€€It's€death€or€glory€now.'Ìà ? à'You're€a€bundle€of€laughs,€d'you€know€that.'Ìà ? à'Sorry!'€The€Fantastation€looked€genuinely€apologetic.Ìà ? àIt€was€all€a€bit€much€for€Will.€€In€an€instant,€a€man€who€had€Ìonly€been€responsible€for€collecting€a€DOLE€payment€suddenly€found€Ìthat€the€lives€of€everyone€he€had€involved€in€his€adolescent€heroic€Ìfantasies€depended€on€him.€€It€was€what€Hollywood€movie€makers€used€Ìto€call€"a€moment€of€courage"€and€much€to€his€continued€amazement,€€ÌWill€rose€to€the€occasion€admirably.€€After€all,€he€told€himself,€Ì"You€have€no€choice."Ìà ? à'Come€on€then,€how€do€I€start?'Ìà ? àGilhoolie€brightened,€bounding€onto€the€dull€ground.€€He€Ìclicked€his€fingers€and€the€wall€with€the€button,€along€with€the€Ìtable€and€chairs,€vanished.Ìà ? à'What!€€No€doggy„bag?'€Will€protested€pathetically.Ìà ? àAnother€nonchalant€click€of€those€nimble„gloved€fingers€and€a€Ìnew€row€of€signs€appeared,€stretching€off€into€the€distance,€Ìapparently€for€Infinity:€TO€GRENDELLA,€they€said.€€Ìà ? à'I'm€supposed€to€walk,€am€I?'Ìà ? à'No.€We€provide€transport.'Ìà ? àAnother€movement€of€those€magical€fingers€and€the€Ìtransportation€arrived.€€Will€looked€at€the€gleaming€new€blue€bicycle€Ìsceptically,€taking€in€every€detail,€including€the€basket€containing€Ìthe€small€chaise„lounge€at€the€front.Ìà ? à'You€travel€in€style,€I€see.'Ìà ? à'I'm€here€to€observe€and€to€give€advice.€€I'm€not€supposed€to€Ìdo€anything.'Ìà ? à'Where's€the€engine?'Ìà ? àThe€Fantastation€had€recovered€its€good€spirits,€but€was€Ìstarting€to€find€this€human€tiresome.€€It€could€tell€that€he€was€Ìgoing€to€be€a€difficult€one.Ìà ? à'There's€no€engine.€We€want€no€pollution€here.€You€PEDAL€it.'Ìà ? à'Will€was€horrified,€it€was€bad€enough€being€under€sentence€of€Ìdeath€without€having€to€play€around€with€some€dismal€old€contraption.Ìà ? à'I€CAN'T€RIDE€THAT€THING!'Ìà ? à'Then€LEARN!'Ìà ? àWill€made€his€way€to€the€bike€with€sullen€ill„grace,€pulling€Ìinsulting€faces€and€hissing€bad„tempered€retorts€under€his€breath.€€ÌAs€he€climbed€onto€the€bike,€the€human's€features€cleared;€a€thought€Ìhad€occurred.Ìà ? à'This€quest?'Ìà ? à'Yes?'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Have€other€people€tried€it?'Ìà ? à'We€have€had€representative€heroes€from€most€races€and€Ìcultures.€I€have€adopted€many€shapes€over€the€years.'Ìà ? à'How€did€they€get€on?'Ìà ? à'In€what€way?'Ìà ? à'Well,€did€they€get€to€this€next€level€for€instance?'Ìà ? à'No,€I€must€admit,€they€all€died€horribly.€€But€don't€worry€ÌWill,€it's€like€cycling;€there's€always€a€first€time.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌFor€all€his€dark€talk€of€taking€action,€it€had€taken€a€weary€Ìthreat€of€divorce€from€the€normally€placid€Primrose€to€motivate€Cecil€ÌBland.€€Once€more,€the€uptight€Englishman€had€crossed€the€Atlantic,€Ìbraving€a€journey€that€had€become€hated,€keen€to€restore€what€he€saw€Ìas:€Traditional€Moral€Values.€Cecil€had€always€been€careful€with€Ìmoney,€but€for€once€his€normal€parsimonious€€restrictions€had€been€Ìlifted.€€There€were€more€important€things€at€stake€than€a€few€extra€Ìpounds€high€interest€on€his€account.€€This€was€to€be€another€kind€of€Ìbook€balancing.Ìà ? àFor€someone€with€money€to€spend,€purchasing€an€over„priced€Ìrifle€had€been€fairly€easy,€although€the€strutting€rednecks€in€the€Ìsurvivalist€camp€had€not€quite€known€how€to€deal€with€their€puny€Ìforeign€visitor,€the€steely€glint€in€his€eye,€or€his€sense€of€Ìpurpose.€It€was€all€going€to€plan.€€He€had€the€gun,€he€had€taken€the€Ìlessons€and€knew€how€to€shoot.€€He€had€arrived€in€Ashton,€the€most€Ìloathsome€place€in€his€personal€universe.€€Now€all€he€had€to€do€was€Ìlocate€and€kill€Blossom€Titwilliger,€the€woman€everyone€said€was€a€ÌSatanist,€and€thus€the€main€cause€of€his€troubles.Ìà ? àAs€he€walked€the€streets€of€the€Town,€on€his€way€to€the€hotel,€Ìhis€mind€was€filled€with€one€thought.€€He€did€not€notice€the€Ìcuriously„painted€van,€with€the€fading€stars€and€unicorns,€as€it€Ìdrove€past€him,€just€inches€from€his€face.€€He€did€not€see€the€Ìcelebrated€figure€sitting€in€the€passenger€seat,€trying€to€look€Ìinconspicuous.€Cecil€Bland€was€too€busy€thinking,€"where€is€she?"ÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌThe€Arbor€were€an€odd€lifeform.€€About€the€size€and€shape€of€Ìraisins,€floating€in€a€nasty€green€soup€of€an€atmosphere.€€They€did€Ìnot€need€to€drink,€eat,€make€love,€sleep€or€perform€any€other€Ìphysical€function.€€Long€before€mankind€had€started€as€a€single€cell€Ìorganism,€the€Arbor€had€outstripped€the€transitory€pleasures€of€the€Ìflesh,€becoming€for€all€their€apparent€disadvantages€a€very€content€Ìculture.€€On€one€level,€the€raisin€level,€the€Arbor€did€not€exist,€Ìand€on€another,€they€had€amazingly€rich€lives.€Once€they€had€Ìpossessed€limbs€and€hearts€and€ambitions.€€Then€the€green€mist€had€Ìcome,€a€college€chemistry€project€that€had€gone€wrong.€€After€that,€Ìeverything€that€the€Arbor€imagined€came€true,€mental€images€of€Ìstunning€reality€shaped€by€some€special€quality€of€the€mist.€€In€a€Ìvery€short€time,€the€Arbor€had€all€laid€down,€giving€themselves€up€to€Ìtheir€imaginary€pleasures,€minds€and€bodies€completely€hood„winked€by€Ìthought,€believing€that€they€ate€well,€took€care€of€their€physiques;€Ìthat€they€had€in€fact€developed€into€a€race€of€super„fulfilled€super„Ìbeings.€€After€the€first€few€millennia,€all€that€was€left€of€the€ÌArbor€were€small€wizened€round€lumps.Ìà ? àCRAAAASSSSHHHH!Ìà ? àThe€Stratacharger€Warspite,€its€guidance€system€addled€by€its€Ìjourney€across€infinity,€landed€heavily€on€Arboria.€€Not€for€the€ÌStar„Corps€Major€the€choking€veil€of€Emerald€Mist.€€Here€was€a€planet€Ìof€breathtaking€white€skyscrapers,€of€wide€gleaming€white€Ìthoroughfares,€plentiful€parks€and€lakes€and€incredible€beings.€€On€Ìthis€planet€where€thought€became€substance,€Buck€Chandler€had€become€Ìreal.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌIt€had€taken€lots€of€time€and€effort,€not€to€mention€painful€Ìfalling€over,€before€Will€mastered€the€art€of€cycling.€€The€initial€Ìthrill€of€pumping€the€pedals€had€soon€lost€its€magic€and€after€a€Ìcouple€of€days,€Will€had€began€to€heartily€detest€every€agonising€Ìsecond€of€the€experience.Ìà ? à'How€much€further?',€he€whined€for€only€the€fifth€time€in€an€Ìhour.Ìà ? àThe€Fantastation€lay€reclined€on€the€small€chaise„lounge,€Ìrelaxed,€and€at€peace€with€the€world,€a€racy€pulp€novel€in€one€hand€Ìand€a€miniaturised€vodka€martini€in€the€other.Ìà ? à'How€much€further?'Ìà ? à'Could€you€please€stop€asking,€"how€much€further?,€how€much€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðfurther?"€'€The€voice€from€under€the€great€brim€of€the€hat€mimicked€ÌWill's€plaintive€quality€to€perfection.Ìà ? à'I€want€to€know.'Ìà ? à'We€get€there€when€we€get€there.€€Save€your€breath€for€your€Ìpedalling.'Ìà ? àWill€reluctantly€took€Gilhollie's€advice,€concentrating€on€the€Ìrecent€developments€in€the€surrounding€landscape.€€For€the€first€Ìcouple€of€days,€there€had€been€nothing€but€the€greyness€and€the€Ìsigns,€but€then€they€had€reached€the€columns.€Great€rounded€Ìstructures,€about€the€size€of€a€small€city€in€width,€their€surfaces€Ìshimmered€with€a€strange€energy€as€they€thrust€themselves€out€of€Ìsight€into€the€atmosphere€above€his€head.€€Despite€their€drab€Ìcolourings€they€were€an€awesome€sight€grouped€on€the€unending€plain.€Ìà ? à'Grey€floor,€grey€sky,€grey€towers.€€These€creators€of€yours€Ìwere€sure€creative€with€colour',€Will€had€commented€with€heavy€Ìdollops€of€irony.Ìà ? àThe€towers,€for€all€their€lack€of€brightness,€were€even€more€Ìcolossal,€even€more€magnificent€as€he€cycled€amongst€them,€impressed€Ìand€fearful€of€their€sheer€size.Ìà ? à'What€are€they€doing?€€Holding€up€the€sky?'Ìà ? à'You'll€soon€find€out.'€Gilhoolie€had€said.Ìà ? àThe€chance€came€quicker€then€Will€had€expected.€€Absorbed€Ìin€thoughts€of€the€towers€and€of€revolt€against€the€pampered€ÌFantastation,€Will€had€not€been€paying€attention€to€the€signs.€€Now€Ìhe€looked€ahead€and€realised€that€there€were€no€more€signs.€€He€had€Ìjust€passed€the€last€one.€€Panicking€slightly,€Will€braked€heavily,€Ìnoticing€with€disappointment€that€Gilhoolie€was€completely€unruffled€Ìby€the€abrupt€halt.€€Ìà ? à'We're€here,'€it€said,€languidly€scratching€an€earlobe.ÌÌà ? àWill€looked€around€with€total€disbelief.€€All€that€cycling,€all€Ìthat€effort€for€nothing.€€"Here"€was€nowhere.€€They€were€positioned€Ìat€the€closest€point€between€two€of€the€towers,€usually€there€was€a€Ìgap€of€at€least€a€couple€of€miles€between€the€massive€structures,€but€Ìthese€were€different,€closer,€only€a€couple€of€hundred€yards€Ìseparating€them.€€Ìà ? à'Where's€Grendella?'Ìà ? à'In€one€of€those.'€Gilhoolie€indicated€the€two€nearest€towers.Ìà ? à'She's€in€a€five„mile€wide€solid€column.€€How€am€I€suppose€to€Ìrescue€her?€€With€a€pick„axe?'Ìà ? à'Appearances€can€be€deceptive.'Ìà ? à'I€know.€I€THOUGHT€you€were€on€my€side.'Ìà ? àThe€Fantastation€paid€no€attention€to€Will's€anger.Ìà ? à'The€question€you€have€to€answer,€is...'Ìà ? à'Why€am€I€here?'Ìà ? à'Is:€Which€one€is€she€in?'Ìà ? à'How€can€I€tell?€They're€both€the€same.'€Will€struggled€Ìvaliantly€to€keep€his€voice€even.Ìà ? à'I€didn't€say€it€would€be€easy.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'I€know€what€the€answer€to€this€is€going€to€be,€but€just€to€Ìmake€things€clear,€what€happens€if€I€pick€the€wrong€one?'Ìà ? à'You€die€horribly.'€The€Fantastation€delivered€the€sentence€Ìwith€casual€ease.€€It€was€in€danger€of€becoming€a€catchphase.€Will€Ìsighed€to€himself,€nodding€his€head.Ìà ? à'I€thought€you'd€say€that.'Ìà ? àGilhoolie€was€matter€of€fact€about€it.Ìà ? à'You€have€a€fifty„fifty€chance.'Ìà ? à'That€doesn't€cheer€me€up.'Ìà ? à'You€can€take€as€long€as€you€like€to€choose.'Ìà ? à'Really!'€Will€brightened€slightly.Ìà ? à'I€could€do€lunch.'Ìà ? à'Sounds€good.'Ìà ? à'But,€if€you€take€too€long,€I€can't€guarantee€that€your€friend€Ìwill€still€be€alive,€and€then€you€fail€and€then...'Ìà ? à'We€all€die€horribly.€€I€know.'€Will€stretched,€climbing€from€Ìthe€bike.Ìà ? à'Whoops!'Ìà ? àHe€smiled€slightly€spitefully€at€the€little€shriek€as€he€let€Ìgo€of€the€handles,€enjoying€the€moment,€as€bicycle€and€piratical€Ìpassenger€fell€heavily€to€the€ground.€Ìà ? à'Decisions,€decisions.'€For€a€long€time€he€stood€musing,€paying€Ìno€attention€to€the€disparaging€comments€Gilhoolie€heaped€on€his€Ìgenealogy,€his€head€moving€from€side„to„side€like€that€of€a€spectator€Ìwatching€an€extremely€impressive€tennis€rally.€€On€one€side€ÌGrendella;€on€the€other:€death.Ìà ? à'Oh€well,€better€get€it€over€with.€€I€wasn't€enjoying€life€much€Ìanyway.'€He€started€to€walk,€fairly€resolutely,€towards€the€tower€on€Ìthe€right.€€Sulphur€was€always€telling€him€he€never€got€anything€Ì"Right".€This€was€his€chance€to€prove€the€scaly€upstart€wrong,€Ìwherever€he€was.€€At€the€final€moment,€he€paused€turned€back,€Ìuncertain.Ìà ? à'What€do€I€do€now?'Ìà ? àThe€Fantastation€replied€from€the€relative€comfort€of€its€Ìrescued€chaise„lounge.Ìà ? à'Keep€going.'Ìà ? à'WHAT!€€Into€the€wall?'Ìà ? à'Yes.'Ìà ? àFor€a€while,€Will€stood,€like€a€novice€parachutist,€preparing€Ìto€jump,€summoning€up€all€his€courage.€€Then€he€turned€back.Ìà ? à'Aren't€you€coming?'Ìà ? à'Not€this€trip...'€Gilhoolie€waved€his€hand€from€side€to€side€Ìin€an€exaggerated€gesture.€'Goodbye!'Ìà ? àWill€pouted€irritably.Ìà ? à'That's€supposed€to€cheer€me€up€is€it?€Goodbye?'€He€turned€Ìback,€facing€the€solid€wall€and€closed€his€eyes.€'You€could€at€least€Ìhave€said€Au€revoir.'Ìà ? àHe€stepped€forward€and€vanished.ÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌà ? à'Life's€a€bitch,'€Moonglow€mumbled€feelingly.Ìà ? àThe€band€were€depressed.€€This€was€not€the€hero's€homecoming€Ìthat€they€had€fondly€imagined,€scripted€and€embellished€in€their€Ìheads.€€It€was€bad€enough€finding€that€the€town€had€changed,€bad€Ìenough€to€realise€that€the€venue€they€were€playing€was€on€the€site€Ìof€Mickey's€Rock€'n'€Roll€Diner,€hallowed€shrine€and€favourite€Ìhangout€of€their€youth.€€But€in€front€of€Blossom,€to€find€out€that€Ìthey€had€been€booked€to€play€at€a€retirement€home.€€A€"Where€Are€ÌThey€Now?"€slot€at€a€senior€citizens€disco.€€They€had€a€right€to€Ìbe€despondent.Ìà ? àThe€disgusting€chirpiness€of€their€guide€did€little€to€Ìlighten€their€collective€gloom.€€Mrs€Handy,€The€Chief€Executive€of€Ìthe€Residence€(Managerial€Section),€was€a€compact,€dynamic€little€Ìbundle€of€energy,€with€a€smile€as€fixed€as€her€well€rehearsed€line€Ìin€welcoming€patter.€€She€paid€no€heed€to€the€Band's€wailing€and€Ìgnashing€of€false€teeth€as€they€toured€the€"Autumn€Years€ÌExperience€Enhancement€Facility".€€Mrs€Handy€was€a€pro,€a€product€Ìof€years€of€service€industry,€an€inveterate€"have€a€nice€dayer",€Ìshe€could€witter€on€with€the€best,€blithely€overlooking€such€Ìeveryday€retirement€home€commonplaces€as€depression€or€ÌAltzheimers.€€Such€minor€considerations€could€do€nothing€to€Ìdiminish€this€indefatigable€woman's€relentless€grinding€Ìcheerfulness.Ìà ? à'I€think€it's€so€nice€to€see€people€of€YOUR€age,€still€Ìgiving€so€much€entertainment,'€she€chirped.Ìà ? à'Well€shucks,€ma'am,'€Starchild€replied,€miming€strangling€Ìmotions€behind€her€back€all€the€while,€'€...€It€sure€is€difficult,€Ìleaving€our€bath€chairs,€our€blankets,€chunky€cardigans€and€mugs€Ìof€hot€cocoa,€but€we€felt€we€owe€it€to€our€fans€to€put€on€these€Ìleather€trousers,€drink€mind„boggling€amounts€of€tequila€and€rock€Ìtill€their€ears€drop€off.'Ìà ? à'That's€really€sweet'.€€By€the€way,€if€you€feel€the€need€for€Ìrefreshment,€we€do€have€the€latest€cocoa„making€facilities.€€Now,€ÌMr€Hickey!'€She€wagged€her€finger€theatrically€at€a€hapless€Ìresident.€€'Don't€bash€your€head€against€the€wall€like€that,€Ìthere's€a€good€boy.€€We€don't€want€you€to€damage€the€paintwork€Ìnow,€do€we?.'Ìà ? àAs€Mrs€Handy€swept€past,€the€old€man€gazed€at€them€with€the€€Ìeyes€of€a€small€trapped€animal,€all€the€while,€thumping€his€head€Ìrhythmically€against€the€wall.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Poor€Mr€Hickey,'€Handy€spoke€in€a€confidential€whisper,€Ìloud€enough€to€wake€the€dead.€€'He€doesn't€seem€to€have€made€the€Ìadjustment.'Ìà ? àThe€band€members€were€satirically€shocked.€Ìà ? à'REALLY!'€they€exclaimed€in€harmony,€looking€at€each€other€Ìin€laboured€bewilderment,€'We€can't€think€why.'Ìà ? àStarchild€turned€to€his€guest,€with€a€strained€evangelical€Ìgrin,€he€mouthed€through€gritted€teeth.€€Ìà ? à'Are€you€enjoying€this,€Miss€Pimpleknocker?'Ìà ? àBlossom€played€it€to€the€hilt,€responding€with€a€manic€Ìpainted„on€smile€of€her€own€and€a€hyper„glassy„eyed€nod.Ìà ? à'It's€just€so€wonderful€to€see€all€these€people,€in€the€Ìtwilight€of€their€years,€having€such€fun€with€enemas.'Ìà ? àTo€herself,€Blossom€could€admit€that€she€was€enjoying€the€Ìexperience;€the€murderous€glares€the€others€shot€at€their€jaunty€Ìpatronising€hostess,€the€sense€of€belonging€that€she€got€from€Ìsharing€the€company€of€her€old€school€friends.€€Most€of€all,€she€Ìwas€enjoying€a€feeling€of€intense€relief.€€She€knew€that€the€media€Ìwould€be€making€a€fuss€about€her€disappearance,€that€people€would€Ìbe€looking€for€her,€and€the€thought€of€arriving€in€Ashton€had€Ìfilled€her€with€horror.€€She€had€dreaded€accidentally€bumping€into€Ìsome€old€friend€or€acquaintance€and€setting€off€the€whole€sad€Ìcircus€of€press€attention€again.€Perhaps€destroying€her€links€with€Ìthe€band€and€her€hopes€for€a€new€future.€€Now,€as€they€walked€Ìround€"the€complex",€unwilling€captives€of€Mrs€Handy,€Blossom€felt€Ìthat€she€could€relax.€€There€was€no€one€to€identify€her€in€this€Ìisolated€environment.€This€home€was€as€isolated€as€Shangri„La.€€ÌShe€was€safe.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌSally€Munday€was€tired.€€Early€that€morning€when€she€had€Ìtracked€the€strangely€decorated€van€to€Ashton,€it€had€all€seemed€Ìso€easy.€But€Sally€knew€that€detective€work€was€never€easy.€€The€Ìlong€afternoon€had€proved€that€fact€beyond€doubt.€She€decided€that€Ìthe€van€owners€had€to€be€some€kind€of€entertainers,€had€picked€up€Ìthe€phone€and€dialled,€and€dialled€and€dialled:€every€bar,€hotel,€Ìrestaurant,€school,€cocktail€lounge,€deli,€garden€shed,€woman's'€Ìgroup,€that€might€put€on€a€show.€€Hours€and€hours€of€bright€and€Ìpolite€requests€for€information€had€drained€her,€reducing€her€voice€Ìto€a€croak,€flaying€the€inside€of€her€throat€in€the€process,€and€Ìall€for€nothing.€€No€one€had€booked€a€group€or€magician€or€any€kind€Ìof€act€with€a€van€of€the€type€she€was€after.€All€routes€led€to€a€Ìbrick€wall€and€she€was€too€weary€to€punch€her€way€through€it.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? àAs€she€picked€up€her€son€from€her€neighbour,€apologising€for€Ìthe€zillionth€time€for€being€late,€she€could€barely€keep€her€eyes€Ìopen,€even€though€it€was€only€six.€€Unfortunately,€ten€year€old€ÌChris€Munday€was€no€respector€of€parental€fatigue.€€His€bubbling€Ìenergy€and€excitement€exploded€around€her€in€a€stream€of€Ìbreathless€chatter€about€his€day.€For€a€while,€Sally€sat€in€her€Ìchair€at€home,€coat€still€on,€letting€her€son's€flowing€voice€wash€Ìover€her,€then€she€became€aware€that€he€had€asked€her€a€question.Ìà ? à'Well,€can€I?'€Chris€repeated,€realising€that€really€old€Ìpeople,€ones€in€their€thirties€such€as€his€mother,€sometimes€had€Ìtrouble€with€their€hearing.Ìà ? à'Can€you€what?'Ìà ? à'Can€I€stay€at€Jimmy's€house€tonight?'Ìà ? à'Who's€Jimmy?"Ìà ? à'He's€in€my€class,€you€don't€know€him.€€He€lives€over€on€ÌHarper.'Ìà ? à'By€the€retirement€home?'Ìà ? à'Yeah,€right€next€to€it.'Ìà ? à'Why,€suddenly,€do€you€want€to€go€and€stay€with€this€kid.€€ÌWhat€computer€games€he€got?'Ìà ? àChris€screwed€up€his€youthful€face€disdainfully.Ìà ? à'Ma,€get€with€the€program,€computer€games€are€pass.'Ìà ? àFeeling€prehistoric,€Sally€let€her€lack€of€fashionable€Ìknowledge€pass.Ìà ? à'So€why€do€you€wanna€go.'Ìà ? à'To€see€the€van'Ìà ? àIn€an€instant,€Sally€felt€her€fatigue€evaporate€as€her€brain€Ìmoved€up€a€gear.€€Ìà ? à'Van.€What€van?'Ìà ? à'The€one€I've€been€talking€about€all€night,€Ma.€€You're€so€Ìslow.'Ìà ? à'What€van,€Chris?'Ìà ? àChris€pulled€his€lower€lip,€looking€thoughtful.Ìà ? à'Well,€it's€really€cool.€€Really€old€and€covered€with€really€Ìcrucial€things.€€Unicorns€an'€stars€an....'Ìà ? àSally€resisted€an€overwhelming€urge€to€hug€her€son€and€whoop€Ìwith€delight.€€Luck€was€a€wonderful€thing.Ìà ? à'Where€is€this€van€now?'Ìà ? à'Where€it's€been€all€day.€€Parked€next€door€to€Jimmy's,€Ìwhere€they€store€the€old€people€till€they€die.'Ìà ? à'Give€me€Jimmy's€number€and€get€your€stuff€together.€€I'll€Ìcall€his€parents€and€take€you€over€right€away.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇFor€a€while,€she€stood€in€the€parking€lot,€gazing€hungrily€Ìat€the€faded€panels€of€the€ancient€vehicle.€€Then€Sally€made€her€Ìway€inside.€€The€sweaty,€gum„chewing,€headset„wearing,€orderly€on€Ìthe€front€desk€scarcely€looked€older€than€her€son.€He€viewed€the€Ìnew€arrival€with€impatience,€having€just€got€to€the€good€bit€of€Ìhis€virtual€programme:€"Sex€Warriors€of€Venus".Ìà ? àSally€inwardly€sighed;€she€was€making€a€habit€of€Ìinterviewing€kids€today.€€Outwardly€she€gave€the€youth€a€winning€Ìsmile.Ìà ? à'I€wonder€if€you€can€help€me.€€I'm€trying€to€find€a€friend€Ìwho's€here?'Ìà ? à'Visiting€hours€are€three€to€five.'€The€youth€tried€Ìsulleness€hoping€to€get€rid€of€her.€€He€had€better€things€to€do,€ÌEmpress€Trixie's€life€was€at€stake.Ìà ? à'She's€not€a€resident.'Ìà ? àThe€orderly's€rude€response€would€have€been€enough€to€make€ÌMrs€Handy€wilt€and€die€with€embarrassment.Ìà ? à'Like€I€said,€lady.€€Visiting€hours€are€three€to€five.€€ÌEveryone's€gone.'Ìà ? àSally€was€starting€to€get€annoyed.Ìà ? à'Do€you€like€artwork?'€She€motioned€at€the€absurdly€Ìoverdeveloped,€half„naked€forms€luridly€illustrated€on€the€virtual€Ìdisc€cover.Ìà ? à'They're€okay.'Ìà ? à'I€have€some€artwork€you€might€be€interested€in.'€She€held€Ìup€the€finely€engraved€bank€note.Ìà ? àThe€orderly€swallowed€his€gum,€abruptly€becoming€helpful.€ÌEmpress€Trixie's€life€was€one€thing,€money€was€another.Ìà ? à'What€d'you€want€to€know.'Ìà ? à'I€think€my€friends€with€the€entertainment...'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? àSally€ran€to€the€portable€phone€in€her€car.€€It€was€six€Ìforty„five.€She€thanked€her€lucky€stars€that€she€had€listened€to€Ìher€hunch€and€negotiated€this€job€for€a€flat€finders€fee,€rather€Ìthan€by€the€hour.Ìà ? à'Yes,'€the€servant€said.€'Mister€Billings€is€at€home.'Ìà ? àBillings€was€looking€forward€to€a€date€with€a€shapely€Ìblonde,€one€not€long€out€of€puberty.€He€did€not€relish€the€Ìinterruption.Ìà ? à'What€is€it,€Munday.'Ìà ? à'I've€found€her.'Ìà ? à'Already!'Ìà ? à'But€you'd€better€be€quick.€€She's€appearing€for€one€night€Ìonly.'Ð Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? àCasper€rapidly€scribbled€the€address.Ìà ? à'Yes,€I€know€where€Harper€is.€€I'm€on€my€way.'Ìà ? àHe€slammed€down€the€phone.€€A€superhero€hurrying€to€save€the€Ìplanet€could€have€barely€matched€Titwilleger€for€the€speed€with€Ìwhich€he€changed€and€made€it€to€his€car.€The€sudden€emergence€from€Ìthe€garage€caught€the€bored„looking€press€pack€by€surprise;€before€Ìthey€even€had€a€chance€to€grab€their€cameras€he€had€roared€off€on€Ìhis€errand,€glove€compartment€filled€with€stakes,€garlic,€holy€Ìwater€and€perhaps,€most€importantly,€silver€bullets.€€Casper€had€Ìbought€a€gun.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€Assassin€was€skilled€in€a€wide€range€of€criminal€Ìactivities.€€One€of€them€was€bugging€a€phone.€€He€smiled€grimly€to€Ìhimself€as€he€listened€to€Claude€Billings€break€the€news€to€his€Ìclient,€then€he€looked€at€the€map.Ìà ? à"This€was€going€to€be€easy."ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à"Americans!€€They€all€drive€like€maniacs."Ìà ? àFortunately€for€Cecil€Bland,€he€had€been€parked€facing€in€Ìthe€right€direction€when€Casper€screeched€out€of€the€house.€€He€Ìhad€known€that€Blossom's€disappearance€had€been€just€another€of€Ìthe€Titwillegers€pathetic€publicity€stunts,€and€had€camped€in€his€Ìhire€care€outside€the€horribly€familiar€dwelling.Ìà ? àNow,€as€he€swerved€and€cursed,€struggling€to€keep€pace€with€ÌCasper's€frantic€driving,€Cecil€allowed€himself€a€brief€moment€of€Ìself€approbation.€€He€was€sure€that€Titwilleger€was€driving€to€Ìmeet€his€wife€and€it€felt€good€to€be€right.€He€wished€that€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐPrimrose€was€beside€him€so€that€he€could€tell€her€so.€€He€wondered€Ìwhat€she€would€think€of€her€husband€if€she€could€see€him€now,€€Ìlooking€forward€to€Casper€and€Blossom's€reunion€with€stern€Ìsatisfaction.€It€was€going€to€be€their€last.€€A€good€civil€Ìservant,€through€and€through,€he€was€going€to€place€them€forever€Ìin€the€archive€of€time.€€In€a€file€marked€„€"Closed."ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌFor€a€moment,€all€was€clogging€suffocating€greyness.€€Foul„Ìtasting€nothingness€filled€his€mouth,€nose€and€lungs,€and€then€it€Ìcleared.Ìà ? à'I'll€be€damned,'€Will€said€expressively,€as€he€was€€Ìoverwhelmed€by€the€lawnlike€plain€of€greenery,€the€decorative€Ìclumps€of€small€trees.€€He€looked€back,€expecting€to€see€a€wall€of€Ìgrey,€but€no€such€wall€was€in€place.€€On€all€sides€he€was€Ìsurrounded€by€an€endless€flat€horizon€of€green.€Will€felt€he€had€Ìto€experiment,€taking€a€few€steps€back.€€But€once€again€he€could€Ìfind€no€evidence€of€a€wall,€visible€or€invisible.€It€was€as€if€his€Ìsurroundings€went€on€forever.Ìà ? àFor€a€while,€he€waited,€luxuriating€in€the€lush€landscape.€€ÌThis€was€a€new€experience€for€the€city€dwelling„human,€to€be€Ìencircled€by€nature,€even€neat€and€tidy€nature€such€as€this€which€Ìdid€not€smell€of€anything.€€With€much€effort,€he€pulled€himself€Ìtogether.€€Somewhere€"out€there",€lost€on€this€plain€was€the€woman€Ìthat€Will€loved.€€Perhaps€she€was€even€in€mortal€danger.€€Further€Ìenjoyment€of€the€scenery€would€have€to€wait.€€Filled€with€a€sense€Ìof€high€moral€purpose,€Will€started€to€walk€straight€ahead,€not€Ìreally€knowing€why€he€had€chosen€this€direction.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌSomeone€€should€€have€€told€the€first„generation€Personifications€Ìin€the€bar€that€there€was€one€thing€Merlyn's€people€could€not€Ìstand:€Satire.€Perhaps€then€the€difference€of€opinion€could€have€Ìbeen€averted.€€No€one€heard€the€jovial€quip€that€Robert€Benchley€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðuttered,€but€all€the€retired€COMS€units€felt€sure€that€it€could€Ìhave€only€been€uttered€in€the€spirit€of€good„natured€banter€Ìthat€typified€the€model.€€Unfortunately,€the€figures€in€plaidÌwere€touchy€when€it€came€to€their€sense€of€humour.€€With€one€Ìsmooth€motion,€a€fierce€warrior€drew€forth€his€sword€and€neatly€Ìsliced€off€Robert's€head.Ìà ? àThe€head€flew€through€the€air,€bounced€off€the€bar€and€came€Ìto€rest€by€a€spittoon.€€To€the€tribe's€considerable€astonishment,€Ì"Bob"€seemed€unscathed€by€the€experience.€€Dorthy€Parker€bent€down€Ìproviding€the€grinning€head€of€the€decapitee€with€a€martini€Ì(thoughtfully€equipped€with€a€straw),€Mr€Benchley€took€a€sip,€Ìbemoaning€the€fact€that,€"the€martinis€were€not€like€the€ones€at€ÌTony's",€then€turned€his€attention€to€Kinata€and€her€wide„eyed€Ìfollowers.Ìà ? à'...Of€course,€you€realise€that€this€means€War?'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€had€been€enchanted€by€the€Riton€town,€had€been€fascinatedÌand€touched€by€the€identical€Riton€creatures€that€had€comeÌto€visit€him.€€After€that,€things€had€gone€downhill€and€he€Ìhad€fared€no€better€than€Grendella.€His€unconscious€body€was€Ìsoon€conveyed€to€the€building€that€had€been€adapted€to€hold€any€Ìunwanted€visitors.Ìà ? àGrendella's€features€filled€Will's€dreams€while€he€slept€and€Ìhis€vision€when€he€woke€up.€€Her€smiling€face€was€just€inches€from€Ìhis,€Riton€architecture€not€being€designed€for€individuals€of€Will's€Ìor€even€Grendella's€size.€€It€had€been€a€tight€squeeze€to€imprison€Ìthem€both€and€as€a€result,€much€to€Will's€intense,€strawberry„Ìtinted€embarrassment,€he€found€himself€pressed€against€his€adored€Ìcolleague€with€a€closeness€that€would€have€made€a€sardine€Ìclaustrophobic.€Grendella€could€not€contain€her€amusement€at€the€Ìhuman's€obvious€discomfort€or€his€heavy€blushing.€€Will€Prince€was€Ìjust€so€gruesomely€adorable.Ìà ? à'So€tell€me,€Will.€€What's€a€nice€kid€like€you€doing€on€a€Ìplanet€like€this?'Ìà ? àWill€took€a€while€to€find€his€voice.€€He€desperately€wanted€ÌGrendella€to€like€him,€and€did€not€want€to€make€a€mistake€by€Ìopening€his€mouth.Ìà ? à'I've€been€sent€to€rescue€you,'€he€mumbled€sheepishly.€€Ìà ? à'Well,€you've€made€a€helluva€start.'Ìà ? à'Sorry.'Ìà ? à'Don't€apologise.€€I€haven't€done€that€well€on€my€own.'Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'What€do€you€think€we€should€do€now?'Ìà ? à'Don't€know.€€I€haven't€decided€yet.€€It's€getting€dark,€I€Ìdon't€think€they'll€try€us€until€tomorrow.'Ìà ? àGrendella€fidgeted€in€the€confined€space€as€she€spoke,€€Ìtrying€to€get€comfortable.€€The€soft€motions€of€her€body€sent€an€Ìelectric€thrill€through€the€human,€a€delicately€pleasured€Ìsensation€that€he€had€never€experienced€before.€€Ìà ? à'Tell€me€what's€been€happening€to€you.'Ìà ? àWhen€Will€eventually€found€his€voice,€it€was€somewhat€Ìstrained.Ìà ? à'W„Well,€I€woke€up.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌMrs€Handy€knew€enough€about€local€politics€to€be€truly€impressed€Ìby€the€name€Claude€Billings.€Casper€and€his€lawyer€soon€filled€the€Ìplaces€of€guests€of€honour€at€the€entertainment.€€They€sat€Ìuncomfortably,€waiting€for€the€show€to€begin,€in€the€bright€Ìclinical€main„hall,€surrounded€by€patients€in€wheelchairs,€many€Ìtoo€doped€or€distracted€to€care€who€was€appearing.€Sally€Munday,€Ìjob€done,€hung€around€out€of€interest,€sitting€where€she€preferred€Ìto€be,€on€the€sidelines.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌà ? à'I€can't!'€€Blossom€was€being€shy.Ìà ? à'Come€on;€you'll€be€great.'€Starchild€was€not€taking€"no"€Ìfor€an€answer.Ìà ? à'I€remember€you€in€the€drama€group.€You€wasn't€shy€then.'€Ìà ? àMoonglow€said€in€a€tone€of€voice€that€indicated€mild€Ìsurprise€at€remembering€anything.Ìà ? à'That€was€over€forty€years€ago.'Ìà ? à'All€you€have€to€do€is€bash€a€tambourine.€€Anyone€could€do€Ìthat,€even€your€dork€of€a€husband€could€do€that.'Ìà ? à'I€can't?,'€Blossom's€resistance€was€starting€to€crumble,€Ìà ? àStarchild€pressed€on.Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'Ask€yourself;€who's€going€to€know?€€You're€never€going€to€Ìsee€any€of€the€people€out€there€again,€and€its€not€like€it's€a€big€Ìimportant€gig.€€Half€the€old€folk€are€probably€on€more€sedation€Ìthan€I€was€in€'69.'Ìà ? à'Go€on.€€It'll€be€a€blast.'€Goon€and€Stumpy€added€their€Ìencouragement.Ìà ? àFor€someone€of€her€years.€€Blossom's€giggle€was€surprisingly€Ìgirlish.Ìà ? à'Okay.'Ìà ? àAs€the€other€band€members€whooped€their€"Far€outs"€and€Ì"Cools",€Starchild€leaned€forward€and€gave€Blossom€a€kiss€on€the€Ìcheek.Ìà ? à'Look€on€this€as€an€audition.€€If€we€like€you,€we€may€just€Ìkeep€you.'Ìà ? àBlossom€grinned€back:€'Just€what€I€always€wanted.€€To€become€Ìan€honorary€Misbegotten€Son€of€Hades.'Ìà ? à'Perhaps€it's€time€we€added€a€daughter€to€the€family.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€had€finished€his€story,€but€he€barely€noticed.€€He€we€Ìhypnotised,€totally€enthralled€by€the€petite€creature€at€his€side,€Ìby€the€magical€sparkle€in€her€eyes€and€the€wicked€thrill€in€her€Ìlaughter.Ìà ? àThis€Grendella,€Princess€of€the€Dwarfen,€was€a€woman€of€Ìperfection,€to€be€placed€on€a€pedestal€and€worshipped.€€Her€soft€Ìunimpeachable€loveliness€should€be€wooed€by€the€finest€music€and€Ìthe€best€poetry.€€If€he€could€pluck€up€the€courage€he€would€Ìwhisper€apologetically€of€his€unworthy€love,€but€for€the€moment€he€Ìwaited,€enraptured.Ìà ? àGrendella€felt€a€bubbling€feeling€of€hilarity.€€They€were€Ìall€there,€all€the€soppy€signs:€the€sighing,€the€shy€yearning€Ìpuppyish€looks.€€Not€for€the€first€time,€she€wondered€why€men€Ìbecame€such€simpering€fools€at€the€thought€of€screwing.€€For€a€Ìwhile,€she€weighed€up€the€pros€and€cons,€realising€that,€after€Ìall,€she€had€nothing€better€to€do,€and€besides,€she€had€always€Ìthought€that€he€was€"kinda€cute",€in€a€drippy€sort€of€way.€After€Ìshe€decided,€she€belched€heavily,€winked€at€Will€with€a€sinful€Ìgleam€in€her€eye,€and€indicating€their€cramped€surrounding,€asked€Ìhim€matter„of„factly.Ìà ? à'Have€you€ever€done€it€in€a€Wendy€house?'Ìà ? àAs€Will€opened€his€mouth€to€shyly€reply,€her€lips€struck€his€Ìforcibly.€€To€his€total€amazement,€Will€found€himself€responding€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðwith€a€passionate€hunger€he€had€never€known€himself€capable€of.€ÌAfter€a€while,€the€little€bungalow€started€to€shake.€€The€Riton€Ìguards,€who€fell€off€the€roof,€waited€in€terror€for€the€Spoggle„Ìquake€to€envelop€them.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌOn€the€front€desk,€the€orderly€had€been€forced€to€make€Ìsacrifices.€€The€gum€and€the€virtual€disc€had€gone€into€storage€Ìfor€later.€He€could€not€really€complain,€it€was€turning€out€to€be€Ìquite€a€profitable€evening.€He€did€not€know€who€this€band€were€but€Ìthey€certainly€seemed€popular.€€Both€the€crazy€foreign€guy€and€the€Ìdull€one€in€dark€glasses€had€paid€him€well€for€letting€them€in€and€Ìgiving€them€directions.€The€orderly€felt€no€guilt€at€admitting€Ìunauthorised€outsiders,€going€against€residence€policy.Ìà ? à'After€all,'€he€told€himself,€'What€harm€can€they€do.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌFortunately,€the€staff€were€all€involved€with€preparing€for€Ìthe€disco/concert€and€Cecil€Bland€was€not€challenged€as€he€Ìfollowed€directions€to€the€hall's€upper€level.€€Years€before,€Ìafter€Micky's€Rock€'n'€Roll€Diner€and€before€the€building€had€been€Ìconverted€into€a€residence€for€the€aged,€this€hall€had€been€part€Ìof€a€school,€the€upper€level€had€been€vital€for€assemblies,€Ìparents'€evenings€and€the€like.€Today€it€was€unused,€just€a€Ìstorage€area,€full€of€stacks€of€old€chairs,€walking€frames,€the€Ìsort€of€stuff€that€builds€up€in€a€busy€institution€and€that€nobody€Ìcan€bring€themselves€to€throw€away.€Ìà ? àCecil€settled€himself€amongst€a€nest€of€old€chairs.€He€had€Ìa€good€view€of€Casper's€pinkly€balding€head€and€of€the€stage.€No€ÌBlossom€as€yet,€but€he€felt€sure€that€she€would€turn€up€somewhere€Ìsoon.€With€hands€made€slippery€by€sweat,€he€struggled€to€put€the€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðrifle€together.€€So€involved€was€he,€in€visions€of€the€new€moral€Ìworld€order€that€would€spring€from€his€actions,€that€he€did€not€Ìnotice€the€door€on€the€far€side€of€the€upper€level€open,€or€see€Ìthe€nondescript„looking€man€creep€in€and€hide€behind€a€pile€of€Ìboxes.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€was€not€a€virgin€when€he€slept€with€Grendelia,€not€Ìphysically€anyway.€€COMS€regarded€the€sheer€illogic€of€Humanity's€Ìhang„ups€about€sex€as€some€sort€of€strange€aberration,€but€they€Ìhad€reluctantly€concluded€that€mankind€had€physical€needs,€and€Ìthat€such€needs€had€best€be€catered€for.€€However,€such€provisions€Ìdid€not€mean€that€sex€or€procreation€could€not€be€strictly€Ìcontrolled.€The€vitamin€and€nutrient€enhanced€pap€fed€to€everybody€Ìan€Earth€contained€a€powerful€contraceptive€and€sexual€sedative.€ÌWlll's€very€conception€had€been€a€fluke,€taking€place€as€it€had€in€Ìthe€relaxed€atmosphere€of€Mars.€COMS€had€programmed€themselves€to€Ìprotect€human€life,€whatever€the€cost,€and€it€had€been€this€Ìprogramming€that€had€permitted€Will's€birth,€on€a€transport€bound€Ìfor€Earth.€The€problem€was€that€for€those€machines€in€the€Olympian€Ìposition€of€controllers,€love€was€an€abstract€concept,€passion€Ìjust€a€word.€€They€did€not€interface€with€humanity,€as€did€the€ÌPersonifications.€€Emotion€was€an€unfortunate€biological€side€Ìeffect€to€be€restricted€where€possible.€Thus€people€were€allowed€Ìto€have€sex€whenever€they€liked,€as€long€as€they€promised€not€to€Ìenjoy€it,€harm€one€another,€or€most€importantly,€get€involved.€ÌPeople€who€wanted€sex€advertised€on€Channel€69.€They€made€an€Ìappointment.€€They€met€once€and€that€was€that.€€It€was€all€cold€Ìand€clinical.€€Part€of€Humanity's,€trade„off€for€a€roof€over€Ìtheir€head,€three€bowls€of€pap€a€day€and€6005€channels€on€the€vid€Ìscreen.Ìà ? àWill€had€been€involved€in€quite€a€few€sexual€encounters.€€ÌFrigid€impersonal€no„nonsense€affairs;€swapping€body€fluids€about€Ìas€emotional€an€experience€as€shaking€hands.€€Like€most€of€his€Ìpeers,€he€had€come€to€wonder€what€all€the€fuss€was€about.€That€was€Ìbefore€last€night,€before€Grendella.Ìà ? àWill€now€lay€with€a€silly€grin€on€his€face,€and€the€sleeping€ÌDwafen€in€his€arms.€Emotionally€a€virgin€no€longer,€he€wanted€to€Ìhug€her€small€figure€so€tightly,€to€never€let€her€go.€€Instead,€he€Ìwaited,€his€entire€body€shaking€and€quivering,€waiting€for€this€Ìamazing€creature€to€open€her€eyes.€€At€last,€she€did.Ìà ? àWill€sighed€happily.€€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðà ? à'I€love€you.'€He€said,Ìà ? àGrendella€patted€his€cheek.Ìà ? à'Not€now,€Will.'Ìà ? à'I€mean€it.€I€LOVE€€YOU...'Ìà ? àGrendella€started€to€dress€with€difficulty€in€the€confined€Ìspace.Ìà ? à'I€mean€it€too.€Not€now.'Ìà ? à'But!€€I€LOVE€YOU!'Ìà ? à'Look,€Will.€€I€think€it's€nice.€€We€had€a€good€time€last€Ìnight,€sort„of.€But€right€now€I've€other€things€on€my€mind.'Ìà ? àWill€pouted,€looking€like€a€kicked€puppy.Ìà ? à'What€can€be€more€important€than€love?'Ìà ? à'The€Ritons€are€going€to€kill€our€arses,€if€we€don't€have€a€Ìplan.€€I'm€not€cut€out€to€be€Juliet,€and€Romeo€you€ain't.'Ìà ? à'You€have€a€point.'Ìà ? à'I€€know.'€Grendella€pulled€on€her€trainers€with€a€flourish.€Ìà ? à'Now!€Put€your€pecker€away,€put€your€clothes€on€and€get€your€Ìbrain€into€gear.€€We've€got€to€think€of€a€way€out€of€here.'Ìà ? àWill€did€as€he€was€told.€Eager€to€please€he€was€soon€Ìdressed.Ìà ? à'How€much€time€do€you€think€we've€got?'€he€breathlessly€Ìasked.€€Ìà ? àAt€that€moment,€there€was€a€sharp€rap€at€the€door.€Grendella€Ìsuddenly€seemed€to€deflate.Ìà ? à'Much€less€than€I€thought.'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌAshton,€Iowa:€€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌIf€Casper's€gun€had€been€the€size€of€a€howitzer,€it€could€Ìnot€have€felt€heavier€in€his€pocket.€€He€had€not€expected€to€be€Ìso€prominently€placed€and€was€feeling€the€strain€of€imagined€Ìeyes€on€the€back€of€his€head,€eyes€that€flashed€with€accusation:€Ì"Murderer."€ÌHe€wanted€to€turn€on€the€audience,€to€explain€that€what€he€was€Ìdoing€was€for€the€good€of€society.€€It€was€not€right€to€let€a€Ìwitch€loose,€casting€spells€all€over€the€place,€it€was€not€right€Ìto€let€such€a€creature€live,€even€if€he€was€married€to€her€and€Ìeven€if€he€still€partly€adored€her.€The€pressure€of€the€orbs€Ìbehind€him€soon€became€too€much.€€He€excused€himself€to€Billings,€Ìtold€him€some€fiction€about€"going€to€the€john"€and€slowly€made€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðhis€way€to€the€back€of€the€hall.Ìà ? àThere€was€a€rather€sad€looking€cleared€square€there,€about€Ìthe€size€of€an€over€ambitious€postage€stamp€with€a€struggling€Ìsplash€of€red€lighting.€€This€was,€as€Mrs€Handy€had€explained€with€Ìa€thrill€of€pride,€the€disco.€€Around€the€edges€of€the€square,€a€Ìcouple€of€very€bored„looking€residents€were€congregated.€As€Casper€Ìtook€a€place€conveniently€near€the€exit,€a€sweet€looking€little€Ìold€lady€in€her€early€nineties,€moved€over€to€his€side.Ìà ? à'Hiya€hotstuff',€she€said€with€a€saintly€smile.€€'D'you€Ìwanna€boogie?'Ìà ? à'No,€thank€you',€was€all€he€could€think€of€to€reply.Ìà ? à'Don't€give€me€that.€€You€shy€ones€are€all€he€same:€you€say€Ì"no",€then€shake€your€sexy€thang€till€your€butt€drops€off.'Ìà ? à'Listen,€lady'€Ìà ? à'Call€me€Peaches.'€Her€come„on€look€lost€some€of€its€appeal€Ìin€translation,€since€she€had€forgotten€to€wear€her€teeth.Ìà ? à'Listen€lady.€€GO€AWAY.'Ìà ? àCasper€almost€fainted€as€he€felt€a€heavy€hand€on€his€Ìshoulder.€€He€turned.€The€man€behind€him€could€have€passed€for€ÌGod's€older€brother.€€His€Methuselahen€face€was€contorted€with€Ìrage.Ìà ? à'Hey,€Scumbag.€€You€messing€with€my€date.'Ìà ? à'Don't€hit€him€Frankie.€€He's€not€worth€it.'Ìà ? à'I€asked€you€a€question,€Scumbag.'Ìà ? àCasper€was€under€a€lot€of€strain€and€his€voice€failed€him.€€ÌHe€energetically€shook€his€head.Ìà ? à'Frankie,€he's€just€some€kid.€€Forget€him;€let's€Boogie.'Ìà ? à'Later,€Punk!'€Frankie€growled,€before€letting€the€Casper€go€Ìwith€a€look€of€angry€reluctance.€€Peaches€gave€him€some€coins€and€Ìsent€him€off€to€fill€the€decrepit,€and€very€quiet,€jukebox€in€the€Ìcorner.€€It€gave€her€a€few€moments€to€give€Casper€a€knowing€wink.Ìà ? à'He's€so€jealous.€€Don't€worry€though.€€In€a€while,€his€Ìmedication€will€kick„in.€€Then€I'll€be€back€for€that€dance.'Ìà ? àTo€Casper's€lingering€horror,€€Peaches€patted€his€behind.Ìà ? à'Remember.€Save€a€boogie€for€me,€Sweetcheeks.'Ìà ? àFor€a€while.€€Casper€watched€as€Peaches€and€Frankie€Ìperformed€a€series€of€contortions€to€an€old€Bee€Gees€track,€Ìmovements€that€looked,€even€at€their€slow„motion€pace,€like€a€Ìsure„fire€recipe€for€heart€failure.€€Faced€with€a€rendezvous€with€ÌPeaches,€he€was€unsure€whether€to€use€the€gun€on€himself.€€ÌInstead,€he€forced€himself€to€think€of€his€mission,€reminding€Ìhimself€that€he€had€the€safety€of€all€the€residents€to€consider.€ÌReaching€in€to€his€jacket,€he€rested€his€hand€upon€the€solid€grip€Ìof€the€pistol,€and€waited.ÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ЇÌÌÌEventually,€Will€and€Grendella€managed€to€fight€their€way€Ìout€of€the€cat„flap€sized€door.€There€was€quite€a€deputation€of€ÌRitons€outside,€almost€the€entire€population,€with€the€exception€Ìof€the€judges€and€lawyers,€all€looking€exactly€alike€as€if€newly€Ìminted€off€some€production€line,€all€with€strongly€disapproving€Ìfaces€and€with€notebooks€and€pencils€poised€to€record€any€new€sin€Ìagainst€the€language,€and,€therefore,€society.€€With€Grendella€Ìaround,€such€crimes€were€not€long€in€coming.Ìà ? à'Hiya€short„stuffs.'Ìà ? àThe€sound€of€thousands€of€indignantly€directed€pens€sounded€Ìlike€a€convention€of€flea„infested€yetis'€scratching€themselves.€Ìà ? à'Nice€day€for€a€lynching.€€The€only€problem€is,€how€the€Ìhell're€you€going€to€find€a€tree€tall€enough?'Ìà ? àGrendella€giggled€to€herself;€a€distant€smile€from€Will€theÌonly€accompaniment€to€her€amusement.Ìà ? à'Hey,€Will.€€Lets€make€a€run€for€it,€they'll€never€catch€us€Ìwith€those€short€legs.'Ìà ? àThe€Ritons€started€to€widen€their€mouths.Ìà ? à'Only€kidding.€€We'll€come€quietly.'Ìà ? àThe€Ritons€subsided,€their€little€faces€as€grim€as€a€ÌBavarian€fairytale.Ìà ? à'Jeez,€you€Munchkins€are€real€down„dudes.'Ìà ? àA€representative€Riton€couple€stepped€forward.Ìà ? à'Shall€we€go?',€they€said€together.Ìà ? à'Where?'€Grendella€was€doing€all€the€talking.€€Will€just€Ìkept€a€stupid,€happy€smirk€on€his€face.Ìà ? à'To€the€Place€of€Justice.€€You€are€now€in€the€early€stage€of€Ìfinalization.'Ìà ? à'You've€got€big€mouths€for€small€persons.€€We€don't€finalize€Ìthat€easy,€sawn„offs.'Ìà ? à'You€will€be€given€a€fair€trial,€and€then€you€will€be€taken€Ìfor€a€health€alteration€and€immediately€deprived€of€your€life€Ìpotential.€€It€is€for€the€good€of€society.'Ìà ? à'What€is?€€Judicial€murder?'Ìà ? à'You€are€both€dysfunctional€and€cannot€be€allowed€to€corrupt€Ìthe€language€or€the€culture.€€This€way,€please.'Ìà ? àThey€started€to€move.€€Grendella€toyed€with€the€idea€of€Ìrunning€for€it,€but€the€small€bodies€of€the€Ritons€pressed€in€too€Ìtightly,€confining€the€movements€of€her€limbs€far€more€effectively€Ìthan€shackles.€€She€managed€to€elbow€her€companion€sharply€in€the€Ìribs.Ìà ? à'Wake„€up!'Ìà ? àWill€felt€the€sharp€dig€of€the€boney€elbow,€but€it€did€Ìnothing€to€diminish€his€sense€of€well„being,€of€things€being€right€Ìwith€the€world.€€Will€was€in€a€terrific€mood€and€was€not€going€to€Ìlet€such€minor€considerations€as€imminent€death€bring€him€down.€€Ð Ð/ +0 ÐHe€was€in€love€and€the€world€was€rosy.€€In€the€best€of€humours,€he€Ìturned€his€loving€eyes€on€the€Dwarfen.Ìà ? à'Do€something,€you€idiot!'Ìà ? àWill€did€something.€€He€decided€to€share€his€good€humour€Ìwith€the€world.€€Speaking€in€a€jovial€voice,€loud€enough€for€all€Ìto€hear.Ìà ? à'Why€do€witches€ride€broomsticks?'€He€paused€for€a€split€Ìsecond,€a€contented€smile€on€his€face,€'...Because€vacuum€cleaners€Ìare€too€heavy.'Ìà ? àWill€laughed€heartily€to€himself.€€After€a€while,€ÌGrendella€surprised€herself€by€joining€in.Ìà ? à'That's€awful.€€Going€for€the€insanity€defence,€I€see.'€She€Ìsaid€when€she€had€finished€chuckling.Ìà ? à'There's€madness€to€my€method.'Ìà ? à'What's€next?€€Juggling€and€acrobatics?'Ìà ? à'Another€joke.'€Will€motioned€at€the€hoards€of€nervously€Ìscribbling€Ritons,€'I€think€they're€a€bit€slow.'Ìà ? à'Go€on€then.'€Grendella€could€not€see€the€point,€but,€apart€Ìfrom€being€executed€she€had€nothing€else€planned€for€the€Ìafternoon.Ìà ? à'What€do€you€call€an€animal€making€a€toasted€sandwich€Ìin€the€jungle?'Ìà ? à'I€don't€know!€€What€do€you€call€an€animal€making€a€toasted€Ìsandwich€in€the€jungle?'Ìà ? à'A€griller.'Ìà ? àGrendella€reaction€was€half€wince,€half€smirk.Ìà ? à'Ouch!€€That€smarts.'Ìà ? à'Why€did'nt€the€Cannibals€eat€the€Clown?'Ìà ? à'I€don't€know€Will.€Why€did'nt€the€Cannibals€eat€the€Clown?'ÌShe€acted€up€putting€on€her€best€vaudevillian€manner.Ìà ? à'Because€they€thought€he€would€taste€funny.'Ì€à ? àGrendella€cracked€and€roared€with€near€childish€glee.Ð Š Ú Ðà ? à'Your€turn,€beloved.'Ìà ? à'If€you€don't€stop€talking€about€this€love€stuff,€I'm€gonna€Ìbelt€you€in€the€mouth.€€We€haven't€the€time.'Ìà ? à'Your€turn,€most€beautiful€Grendella.'Ìà ? àThe€Dwarfen€sighed€her€exasperation.Ìà ? à'Okay.€€This€is€a€joke€your€old€man€told€me,€like€yours,€Ìit's€not€very€good.€€There€was€this€Venusian€that€crash„landed€in€ÌCentral€Park....'ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÐ Ð/ +0 ÐAshton,€Iowa:€Early€21st€Century,€October.ÌÌÌÌÌThey€looked€vaguely€ridiculous.€€The€grey„haired€men€that€Ìclimbed€onto€the€small€stage,€paying€no€attention€to€Mrs€Handy's€Ìpatronising€applause€or€encouraging€comments.€€Then€they€picked€up€Ìtheir€instruments€and€were€ridiculous€no€longer.€Committed€Ìdisciples€of€the€god€of€thrash€guitars,€they€could€still€kick€hell€Ìout€of€a€Hendrex€anthem€when€they€wanted.€At€the€sudden€surge€of€raw€Ìmusic,€at€least€one€set€of€false€€teeth€loosed€by€startled€gums€Ìwent€flying€across€the€room,€The€Misbegotten€Sons€of€Hades€had€Ìcollectively€€said:€"Screw€this,€let's€have€fun",€and€in€full€Ìmega„blast€mode€were€something€to€see.€€Mrs€Handy€gaped,€Ìmortified,€this€was€not€the€olde„time€dancing€she€had€been€Ìexpecting.€An€atmosphere€began€to€take€hold€of€the€big€hall.€€An€Ìatmosphere€of€peace€and€love€and€heavy€drugs,€distilled€into€Ìmusic.€€Even€those€in€the€hall€who€had€spent€the€late€'Sixties€as€Ìfervently€Right„Wing€pillars€of€the€community,€suddenly€remembered€ÌMonterey€or€Woodstock,€wishing€that€they€had€wallowed€in€the€mud€Ìand€had€got€to€know€the€beautiful€people.€Then,€for€a€moment,€the€Ìmusic€stopped.€€Wild„eyed€and€exultant,€Starchild€made€his€way€to€Ìthe€mike.Ìà ? à'Now,€I€bet€you€didn't€know€us€"Sons"€had€a€sister.€€Well€Ìhere€she€is.€Our€very€special€guest,€"The€Woman€of€Mystery".€Ìà ? àBlossom€strode€on€the€stage,€wearing€a€glitter„covered€mask,€Ìa€relic€of€the€band's€misguided€flirtation€with€Glam€Rock.€The€Ìcovering€did€not€fool€the€vengeful€men€waiting€for€just€this€Ìmoment.€€All€at€once,€three€guns€were€levelled€at€Blossom's€heart.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌThe€trial€took€place€in€the€open€on€the€edge€of€town,€because€Ìthere€was€no€building€big€enough.€€Under€that€lovely€clear€Ìsky,€surrounded€by€the€tidy€non„smelling€grass,€the€strangers€Ìlives€were€to€be€decided.€A€parade€of€paired€Ritons,€each€twosome€Ìexactly€alike€their€predecessor,€had€appeared€before€the€twin€Ìjudges,€flatly€reading€the€evidence€from€their€notebooks.Ìà ? àGrendella€had€to€admit€that€things€were€not€going€Ìwell.€€When€an€entire€society€decides€that€you€are€guilty,€a€fair€Ìtrial€does€not€come€into€it€and€Will€was€not€helping.€€He€ignored€Ìthe€proceedings€totally,€preferring€to€amuse€himself€with€Ìincreasingly€awful€jokes.€€The€Dwarfen€did€not€have€the€heart€to€Ð Ð/ +0 Ðchastise€him,€at€least€he€would€die€happy.€She€sharply€felt€the€Ìirony€of€the€situation;€for€hundreds€of€generation€she€had€lived€Ìamongst€a€culture€not€her€own,€had€avoided€conforming€to€human€Ìstandards€of€the€norm,€of€"correct"€behaviour.€€Yet€she€had€Ìtravelled€across€the€universe€to€be€put€to€death€by€the€most€Ìuptight€beings€in€creation.Ìà ? à'Have€you€anything€to€say€before€we€pass€sentence€of€Ìtermination?'Ìà ? àGrendella,€opened€her€mouth.€€Will€was€no€good€and€if€she€Ìwas€going€to€go,€she€was€going€to€make€damn€sure€that€she€was€Ìreally€guilty€of€crimes€against€the€language.€€Suddenly€though,€Ìshe€heard€a€voice.€€It€spoke€clearly€and€assertively.€Full€of€Ìrighteous€anger.Ìà ? à'I'd€like€to€speak.'Ìà ? àGrendella€could€not€have€been€more€stunned€if€a€grand€piano€Ìhad€dropped€on€her.€€It€was€Will€who€spoke.Ìà ? à'I€do€not€believe€in€the€jurisdiction€of€this€court.'Ìà ? à'Silence,€or€we'll€hold€you€in€contempt.'Ìà ? à'I€AM€in€contempt.€€In€contempt€of€you€and€everything€you€Ìstand€for.€€In€contempt€of€anyone,€anything,€that€tells€people€how€Ìto€think€or€feel.€How€to€live.€€Where€I€come€from,€we've€had€Ìplenty€of€people€like€you,€people€who€decide€that€they€know€best,€Ìthat€want€to€restrict€everyone€else's€right€to€free€choice,€but€Ìthey€always€fail.€€Because€fanatics€have€one€fatal€flaw.€€A€flaw€Ìthat's€common€to€every€little€Hitler,€McCarthy,€COMS€Computer,€or€ÌRiton.'Ìà ? àWill€was€visibly€shaking€with€the€effort€of€his€words.€The€ÌJudges€started€to€look€strangely€nervous.€Ìà ? à'Terminate€them.€Terminate€them€now.'Ìà ? àThe€crowd€of€Ritons€closed€in€for€the€kill.€€Grendella€Ìprepared€for€the€end,€stood€ready€to€take€as€many€of€the€little€Ìbuggers€with€her€as€she€could.€€Will€ignored€their€approach,€Ìconfident€and€contemptuous.Ìà ? à'Fanatics€have€no€humour.€€You€can't€stand€anyone€laughing€Ìat€you,€can€you?€€At€just€how€ridiculous€you€are?€€Vile,€pathetic,€Ìpompous€creatures€like€you€would€never€get€power€over€other's€minds,€Ìif€everyone€just€laughed€soon€enough.€Your€moronic€power„sated€self„Ìimportance€wouldn't€stand€at€chance!'Ìà ? àWill€and€Grendella€were€starting€to€get€overwhelmed.€€The€Ìnumbers€of€punching,€clawing€hands,€of€bitter€spiteful€faces€was€Ìcrushing€the€life€out€of€them.€Will€ignored€the€pain€of€the€Ìhundreds€of€blows,€ignored€the€unconsciousness€that€was€making€Ìpersistent€demands€for€attention.€€He€kept€on€in€spite€of€Ìeverything.Ìà ? à'Well,€it's€never€too€late€to€laugh.'Ìà ? àWill€opened€his€mouth€and€roared€with€laughter.€€As€they€Ìbeat€him,€as€they€struggled€to€kill€him€and€the€threat€his€Ìmerriment€represented,€he€rocked€with€mirth.€This€was€no€giggle€or€Ìchuckle,€there€was€no€politeness€about€it.€This€was€a€huge,€Ô_ÔÐ Ð/ +0 Ðincredible€belly€laugh,€a€summation€of€life€spent€dealing€with€the€Ìfrustrating€or€ridiculous€and€a€celebration€of€that€life.€ÌSuddenly,€Ô_ÔGrendellaÔ_Ô's€voice€joined€his,€her€laughter€just€as€epic€Ìin€scale.€€The€pain€now€came€from€their€aching€sides,€from€their€Ìwatering€eyes.€Dimly€they€could€see€the€Ô_ÔRitonsÔ_Ô€falling€back€in€Ìconfusion€and€it€only€made€them€laugh€all€the€harder.€Their€Ìsurrounding€seemed€to€become€unclear.€To€run€and€fade€like€water„Ìcolours€in€a€downpour€and€none€of€it€mattered.€€For€the€moment,€Ìthere€was€just€the€joy€of€hilarity,€of€sharing€the€happy€thrill€of€Ìexistence.€€For€the€briefest€instant€the€Human€and€Ô_ÔDwarfenÔ_Ô€were€Ìjoined€by€joyous,€all„consuming€mirth,€bonded€with€a€closeness€Ìthat€even€sex€had€not€managed.€€Then,€they€lapsed€into€exhausted€Ìunconsciousness,€cradled€in€each€other's€arms.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌÌWill€awoke€with€a€smile€on€his€face.€€He€was€alive€and€in€Ìlove.€€He€could€see€from€the€reassuringly€grey€surroundings€that€Ìhe€had€survived€the€first€test.€€There€was€only€one€thing€to€do€in€Ìthe€circumstances,€and€he€did€it:€He€got€up€and€danced.€ÌConcentrating€on€just€moving€his€body,€he€forgot,€for€the€merest€Ìinstant,€the€trials€and€tribulations€that€lay€ahead€of€him.€He€Ìforgot€the€friends€and€followers€„€Sulphur,€Ô_ÔBalidareÔ_Ô,€Merlyn,€ÌMagda,€his€father,€even€Ô_ÔFitcheÔ_Ô€„€who€were€somewhere€out€there€in€Ìthat€grey€waste,€probably€in€terrible€danger.€€For€the€moment,€all€Ìthat€mattered€was€the€dance.€€A€dance€of€celebration,€of€self€Ìcongratulation,€of€the€sheer€wonderment€of€being€alive.€It€came€as€Ìno€surprise€when€Ô_ÔGilhoolieÔ_Ô€appeared.Ìà ? à'Congratulations.'Ìà ? àWill€executed€a€neat€little€two€step,€Ìà ? à'Thanks...'Ìà ? à'I'm€surprised€and€impressed',€The€Ô_ÔFantastationÔ_Ô€admitted.€€Ìà ? à'You're€the€first€hero€to€survive€that€test.'Ìà ? àWill€continued€his€jig.Ìà ? à'Lucky€old€me.'Ìà ? à'But€then,€most€heroes€don't€have€much€of€a€sense€of€Ìhumour.'Ìà ? à'You€surprise€me,'€Will€started€to€do€the€Swim.€'What's€Ìnext?'Ìà ? à'We€follow€the€signs.'Ìà ? à'Have€you€got€a€bike€for€Ô_ÔGrendellaÔ_Ô?€€Maybe€we€could€try€a€Ìtandem.'Ð Ð/ +0 ÐÔ_Ôà ? à'She's€not€coming,'Ìà ? àThe€effect€of€Gilhoolie's€words€was€more€sobering€than€a€Ìnaked€dip€in€Arctic€waters.€€Will€stopped€dancing€and€started€Ìglaring.Ìà ? à'What!'Ìà ? à'I€said,€she's€not€coming,€not€for€now.'€The€Fantastation€Ìseemed€quite€relaxed€about€it.Ìà ? à'Why€not?'Ìà ? à'It€wouldn't€be€fair€for€you€to€have€help.'Ìà ? à'You€mean,€I've€been€through€all€that€stuff€with€the€Ritons€Ìfor€nothing.'Ìà ? à'You've€saved€Grendella,€for€the€moment."Ìà ? à'What€d'you€mean?€€For€the€moment?'Ìà ? à'She's€in€storage,€until€you€rescue€some€more€of€your€group.€€ÌIf€you€don't€succeed...'Ìà ? à'She€dies€horribly.'Ìà ? à'That's€right.€You're€finally€getting€the€hang€of€Spoggle.'Ìà ? à'I€love€her.'Ìà ? à'You'd€better€do€well€then.€€Your€transportation's€this€Ìway.'Ìà ? àWith€leaden€feet,€Will€followed€the€bouncy€fantastation,€and€Ìwith€equally€leaden€heart€and€mind,€he€cursed€the€cruelly€Ìunforgiving€fates€that€seemed€to€dislike€him€so€much.Ìà ? àGilhoolie€turned,€reassuringly€smiling€at€the€Human's€long€Ìface.Ìà ? à'Never€mind!€€Look€at€it,€this€way.€€It€all€builds€Ìcharacter.'Ìà ? àWill€felt€all€the€cares€and€responsibilities€of€a€universe,€Ìonce€again€land€heavily€an€his€sloping€shoulders.€€He€thought€Ìabout€it€a€while,€then€found€the€words€to€sum€up€his€turbulent€Ìfeelings€of€injustice,€speaking€from€the€heart,€with€more€Ìbitterness€than€a€crateful€of€lemons.'Ìà ? à'HOW€MUCH€FUCKING€CHARACTER€AM€I€SUPPOSED€ÌTO€NEED?!!!'ÌÌÌà ? àÔ_ÔÐ  %X $ ÐIt€was€at€this€point€that€the€lights€went€out.€ÌÌà ? àPart„way€through€his€story.€€Sulphur€was€beside€himself€with€Ìfury,€his€eyes€glowing€an€angry€yellow€in€the€gloom,€as€he€Ìcomplained€to€the€other€old€or€derelict€machines,€his€companions€Ìon€the€junk„heap,€in€the€wait€for€the€end.Ìà ? à'It's€bad€enough€we're€waiting€to€be€scrapped,€without€Ìhaving€to€do€it€in€darkness!'Ìà ? àFor€a€while€they€tried€to€persuade€him.€€But€it€was€no€good.€€ÌThe€Dragon€had€learned€a€great€many€things€from€his€human€Ìcompanion€and€had€picked€up€a€transport„load€of€bad€habits;€one€Ìof€these€was€bad„tempered€sulking.Ìà ? àThere€would€be€no€more€talk€of€Heroics€INC.€this€night.€€ÌHowever,€the€other€machines€comforted€themselves,€for€a€little€Ìwhile€at€least;€there€was€always€tomorrow.ÌÌÌÌÌÌÝ‚ÿÿÿÝÔ& Ö ÔÓ  ÓÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ  ÔÔ  ÔÔUKUK.,Ôò òÝ  ÝÔ  ÔTO€BE€CONTINUEDð8ð..Ô MQÔó óÐ ¨ø ÐÝ‚ÿ¯Pn€a€Ýñ…ñó óñ…ñÔUK.,UK.,ÔÔ  ÔÔ  ÔÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ€XñsXXXñsÔÔ'Ö¨¿PÔÓ  ÓÝ  Ý